Marriage and The Gospel
Transcript
Good morning. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Imagine with me, if you will, for just a second that you are married. You've been married for six months to like a year, year and a half. And, you know, going into getting married, you just you just you're just so excited.
And it was just so special. And there was just so many butterflies and unicorns and rainbows and everything was sprinkles and skittles. And it was just going to be amazing. Let's say six months, year and a half. It turns out it wasn't exactly how you had pictured in your head. And and not that it was bad, just that it was just that sometimes it was and that it was a lot harder than you thought it was going to be.
And that like your night and shining armor, his armor wasn't as shiny. And it turns out there were whole sections of it that were just cardboard that had been spray painted like it wasn't even like that. And maybe she wasn't quite exactly, you know, just like you like you liked how like how she could carry a conversation. You just didn't know that she could always carry a conversation 24 seven and always wanted to. Like there were just some things, just some some stuff that made it hard, started being difficult. And it started being.
And here's what happens in that in that season, six months, year and a half that kind of continues. And it just is not exactly how you picture it. It's not exactly what you thought it would be. And it and there are seasons that are just excruciating and some that are good. And what happens is you start to have to answer the question. You start asking the question whether you know it or not.
And you start having to answer the question whether you're intending to or not. But you start asking and answering the question. What is the point of marriage? And the harder it gets and the more difficult it is and the more painful it is and the the more excruciating the season, the more you have to answer that question, whether you're intention tending to ask it or not. I don't think many of us would go sit in a room and get a journal out and say, OK. And right at the top of it, what's the point of marriage?
I'm just going to try to reflect on this. But you you you begin to ask that you begin to kind of wonder what what's another way to say that is you start asking the question. What is a good marriage? What what makes a marriage good? What makes a marriage successful? You start having to kind of answer that question, questions you didn't really think about before.
Maybe maybe offhandedly, but you just kind of you just had never really had a season. What what's the point? What makes it good? You see, you start talking to your your community group during this time when things are when things are frustrating, things are hard and they listen. They're sympathetic. They listen to you.
Mostly, sometimes they hop in and they're all like, have you thought about your own sin? You're like, shut up, Carol. I'm in the middle of talking. Did you not just hear what I said about him? But mostly they're sympathetic, but there's a whole this kind of their general gist.
Their tone is like, yeah, that's what marriage is like. You're going to be OK. And they kind of just gather around you, just kind of almost feel like, you know, when middle schoolers would fight and they'd form a ring and they just kept pushing you back in there. That's a little bit what your group feels like. You start talking to maybe some friends from high school you've been friends with for a really long time and their tone's a little different. They're sympathetic as well.
But maybe their attitude in general is. If it works for you, good. And if it's not working. You're not stuck. Life's short. Get out.
Both of them would say they're on your team and they're for you. But you're having to answer this question of what's the point of marriage? What makes it good? I want to ask you that for just a second. Just think about that. What makes a good marriage?
I think some people would answer. It lasts. That's that's an answer. That a good marriage is one that hits 50 years, 60 years. Maybe that's what our what your grandmother would say. So when you stick with.
OK, so the follow up question is, OK, if is it a good marriage if it lasts, but you're miserable. Is a good marriage just one where you're happy? Is it is it where both people are happy or just where you're happy? What what makes it successful? If if you would say that any marriage that ends in a divorce. Isn't successful.
But you you might would also say that a marriage where they're unhappy. Isn't isn't a good one. Isn't it successful marriage? Now you've got a tension that you've set up that maybe you don't realize you have two different answers to the same question. You see, for for us, we're entering into a season where we're going to study Ephesians chapter five. If you want to grab your Bibles and turn there.
We're going to be talking about marriage. We're talking about what the Bible says about marriage. Specifically what Paul says in his letter to the church in Ephesus about marriage. About what husbands are supposed to do, what wives are supposed to do, what marriage is supposed to look like. And we've got to begin by asking this big picture question. What's the point of marriage?
How do you know it's good? What makes it good? Collectively as a culture, we're asking and answering this question right now. According to the CDC, they keep up with statistics on these kind of things because they're always kind of gauging health in different areas. According to the CDC, we have the lowest marriage rate since they started keeping up with this in 1870. The statistics that we have in 1870, we have the lowest marriage rate.
Now, we still have a lot of marriages because we have more people than we had in 1870. But we have the lowest rate, meaning percentage of the population, more and more people are just saying, what's the point? Why would we even do this? You have the idea now that marriage is outdated, that it doesn't work for women or it doesn't work for men, that monogamy is outdated. Or that if we do marriage, if we're going to get married, then it just needs to be what works for you, what makes you happy. And then we can, if it's not working, you know, divorce should be easy, accessible, cheap.
Tim Keller in his book on marriage says that there are kind of two currently two competing views in our culture about what marriage is about, what the point is and how to view it. And he said one of them is kind of the traditional view. And it's been mostly pushed by Catholics and Protestants with a little bit different flavor on it. But he says the traditional view is basically this. Marriage is a social good. It benefits society.
It's good for men. It's good for women. It's good for children. It's good for the economy, which statistically that holds true. It's good for health. It's good for men and women's health.
It's good for economic structure and stability. It's good for children. Like in any kind of thing that we can, he says that's kind of the traditional view is that it's good, that marriage is a good, but it's not just beneficial to society, but that it actually is good in and of itself. It exists as an institution. It is good. And so that marriage exists above us to that we submit ourselves to it.
So he says the purpose of marriage was to create a framework for lifelong devotion and love between a husband and a wife. It was a solemn bond designed to help each party subordinate individual impulses and interests in favor of the relationship. To be a sacrament of God's love, that was a Catholic emphasis, or to serve the common good, that was the Protestant emphasis. But it worked to build a binding partnership. But marriage exists above us so that if it's not working for us, we stick with it.
That we subvert, we submit our own good to it. That's kind of the traditional view. He says that the new version is kind of the understanding that marriage is good. It exists below us. It's good if I like it. It's good if it's working well for me.
He quotes Tara Parker Pope, who's a New York Times columnist, and her column, her article was, The happy marriage is the me marriage. It says, The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn't marriage supposed to be about pursuing the relationship first? Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting, who help each of them attain their value goals.
So the new understanding, the new push is that, no, it's a me. Like, if it works for me, then it works. Then it's good. But if it doesn't, it's kind of marriage is below. It's a tool that's helpful, and if it works, and that's where you have the idea. People will say, like, we had a good marriage.
It was a good marriage. We're not married anymore. But it was a good one. It was good while we had it. It was good while it lasted, but no longer. And they won't argue that they had failed or that it was unsuccessful or that it wasn't good.
It just doesn't exist anymore. They've stepped away. They've moved on. They went in different directions. But in order for us to be able to study this, for us to be able to understand marriage, and for us to be able to view it correctly, we kind of have to answer the question of what's the point?
Why do we have it? Why does the Bible teach it? Why does the Bible have it? Why does God stand behind it and say this is how this ought to work? We've got to ask kind of the big picture question. And I want to let you know that this is important for you regardless of your current marital situation.
We'll start with married people because they seem to be the easiest people to address when you're talking about marriage. You need help. Okay? Did y'all get that? All right.
If you're married, you need some help. We need to think about this well. We need to view this well. We need to understand how this works. And we need to have a framework to move from. And to have a foundation to understand how we ought to respond, how we ought to act, how we ought to treat our marriage.
He's going to give specific coaching, which will be helpful. But we need to have a framework to start from. If you are single, there are a couple of reasons that this is beneficial. If you're single but you used to be married and for whatever reason at this point you're single, hopefully during this series as we spend the next little bit studying this one section, hopefully the Lord will use it to bring some healing, some clarity, some helpfulness in kind of walking through what it was meant to be and how it was supposed to work and what it could have looked like. So if you're single, regardless of the reason for being single, this is helpful for several reasons.
One is just practically the way we kind of form ourselves in community groups is that we don't just do married groups and single groups, but we have single people with married people. And single people, you need to understand the point of marriage for two reasons. One is, well, it's one, just listen, I've messed that up, but it's okay. It's one reason with two things behind it. So that you can be helpful to the married people in your group.
You can serve them well, you can love them well by saying helpful things. Not saying stupid things, which single people do. Many people say stupid things too, but single people, a lot of times, they'll just say stupid things to married people. Not saying stupid, unhelpful things. Also, not just thinking, well, I'm not married, so I can't say anything. Because that's not true.
That's not the biblical model that we have. We have truth. Paul's unmarried, but he gives really helpful things here. Jesus is unmarried, but he has really helpful things to say so that we might all understand what it ought to look like, so that we might all point towards the ideal together. Married people, trust the Holy Spirit in single people and listen to them. Don't believe the false American idea that if you aren't in the situation I'm in, you can't talk to me.
Because that's not true, and it's not helpful, and you miss out on a lot of good, helpful encouragement and correction. And if they say ridiculous things, correct them in return, and they'll grow, and it'll be helpful. Don't just nod and go, hmm, and move on. Hopefully, so here's kind of how this is going to work. We're going to talk about the big main point today. Next week, we're going to talk about gender, because we have to understand how the Bible treats gender before we get into specific things that the Bible says to men and women, because culturally, it's really hard for us to hear some of the stuff it's about to say.
And then we're going to talk about wives. Then we're going to talk about husbands. Then we're going to talk about singleness. And we're going to do Q and A. So throughout this whole series, if you have any questions, we have all set up online on our website, millcitycolumbia.com, slash questions.
Or if you go to the home page, there's just a little button that says submit a question. You can put your name on it, or you can submit it anonymously. But we're going to do some Q and A, either the last week of the series or the last two weeks of the series, just depending on how many questions we get, and try to really kind of discuss what the Bible says. Because we're only going to be studying Ephesians here. So if there are other questions that you have, we would love to be able to give a more well-rounded view of things.
I'm going to pray, and then we're going to start reading Ephesians. God, we thank you that you train us, that you correct us, that you help us. And we pray that through this next few weeks as we study this section, that you would grow us to understand the beauty of marriage, and that you would practically help equip us to serve married couples well, and to be married well. Today, I pray that you'd help us to see the beauty of the gospel in relation to marriage. In Jesus' name, amen. So what I think we're going to see as we study today is that the point of marriage, the goal behind marriage, the purpose of marriage is actually bigger than just marriage exists and is good, so submit yourself to it.
And it's bigger than marriage is helpful if it makes you happy, but if it doesn't, you can be done with it. It's actually bigger and more beautiful, and that the answer gives a better good. That as we actually study this, we get to reach a better version of good and what a good marriage is. Now, as we read this next section, in Ephesians chapter 5, he's going to say some things that I think are hard for us to hear, and we'll see. We're kind of asking what's the point of marriage, and so he's going to give specific practical coaching, explanations of what wives do, of roles, what men do, what women do.
And I think in a lot of this, this is one of the passages that people quote when they want to say, look at how crazy the Bible is. Look at how outdated it is. So I'm just going to give emphasis to the offensive parts as we read through this, in case you can't pick up on it. Verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. How'd that sound? Harsh? Painful? Husbands were like, oh, that didn't sound terrible. Husbands, love your wives.
At first glance, that's like, that sounds good. Like, that doesn't sound too difficult. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. It got harder, you guys. That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Look back at verse 31.
And this is where we'll spend, 31 and 32 is where we'll spend the bulk of our time today, because it's where Paul kind of gives us the key of what he's talking about here. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery, the word there in the Greek is mystery. It's also secret, like it's used back and forth, and so it kind of goes together. It's the mystery, but it's also the explanation of it. So it's this secret, this mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and to the church.
Okay, so what Paul just did there was kind of crazy. He went all the way back to Genesis. He took the original statement that's given when God brings Adam and Eve together. He took the original statement that for this reason a man will leave his father and mother, and he'll hold fast to his wife, and the two will become flesh. He took that original marriage and said from that moment on into the future, all of that was meant to point to Christ and the church. What he said was that this was just a picture of that marriage as it exists in the world is just a picture of.
It just refers to, if you look at any marriage, it has a little number next to it. Any marriage has a little one in the corner, a little two in the corner, a little three, a little 35, a little 72. And if you go to the bottom, it will refer to the whole work. It will refer to the whole book, and that is Christ and his pursuit and love for the church, that each marriage has been footnoted as a pointing to. It's just referring to Christ and the church. Now, we understand this in other things, so let me give you a few examples.
Humans are made in the image of God. We think things are funny because God thinks things are funny. We get angry because God gets angry. Now, we don't do it all in the right places. We think some things are funny that God doesn't think are funny, and we get angry about things that God doesn't get angry about. And there are things that we should get angry about that we don't get angry about.
We've got all kinds of problems, but we have personality because God does. We reason and think and have logic because God does. We're made in his image. He existed first, and everything that we have comes out of that. And what he's saying is that this marriage is a cosmic reality between Jesus and all those whom he would redeem, and that every other marriage just refers back to it. It's tapping into this cosmic reality.
And every other marriage is just pointing to what God was ultimately going to do. Because here's what happened. In the beginning, prior to us sinning and falling, God preplanned that he would rescue and redeem a people for himself. And then he does, and the Bible begins with a little picture of a marriage between Adam and Eve, and it ends with the bride being brought to her husband, where God in Christ claims the church for himself. So that this marriage, this cataclysmic cosmic marriage, runs through the whole story of the Bible, and it's woven through history in that when we get married, it's just a small picture pointing to the gospel.
So the point of marriage is to point to, to refer to, Jesus and his love for the church. And that makes an immense difference. I have, ever since I was little, liked doing impersonations. Most of them are not very good. Some of them are worse. But I enjoy them.
I like doing impersonations. So I, like I do Arnold Schwarzenegger. Get to the chopper! We've got to get these people in! I love, in one of those movies, people grab him, in the middle of, like, he's walking underneath this thing. He's attacked by, like, four men, and he doesn't just fight back.
He says, what did I do wrong? Like, obviously, these people are taking him to the principal's office. Like, it doesn't make any sense. But I, like, I do Sean Connery. So, give me a second. I'm Sean Connery.
And I only ever do movies with women half my age. And I was so excited when the new Batman came out. Because Bane is just a Sean Connery impersonation. With, like, an echo and weird noises. So all you have to do is, like, cup your mouth and be Sean Connery.
So all you have to say is, They expect one of us on the plane, brother. And then you just go, For no reason at different times. The one I've done the most, And that has been most requested. But it looks, It's a better impersonation when I'm clean shaven and about 20 pounds lighter. But I'm going to go ahead and do it today.
It's Carl Childers from Sling Blade. So. What you got in there? Just good to eat. Today we're going to be talking about marriage. Some folks calls it a contract.
Bible calls it a covenant. Now. Here's the thing about that impersonation. If you have never seen Sling Blade, That was super weird. And that's the way marriage works for Christians. If you don't know the gospel, What we believe about marriage is super weird.
I had a friend ask me one time at Sears. He said, Hey man, You got, I'm about to get married. Do you have any marriage advice? And I said, Yes. Tons of it. A little bit too much.
But, I'm going to have to tell you about Jesus first. Otherwise, You're going to think I'm crazy. If I can't tell you about Jesus, If I can't explain how he loves the church, If I can't talk to you about how the church relates to Christ, If I can't explain that, If I can't point to this bigger, More beautiful picture, All the things I'm going to say about marriage sound crazy. It'll look like a Sling Blade impersonation If you've never seen the movie Sling Blade. So that one's actually pretty good.
But I always have to be like, Have you seen this first? And they're like, No. It's like, Well, I'm not doing it. Because you're just going to, This will be completely, This just won't work. And that's what we have to do here. We have to say, No, We've got to look at this first.
We've got to have this bigger picture. We've got to know what we're basing it off of In order for us to be able to understand What it ought to look like. We need a bigger picture. The truth is, Everybody has a picture of what marriage should look like. You don't know this, But you have it. You have a picture of what a husband should do And what a wife should do.
We always, In premarital counseling, We always try to get people to say, I'll ask a bunch of questions. I just ask questions like, Who does dishes? Who cooks? If the car's broken, What happens? Because everybody already has this picture They've developed in their mind Based off of the relationships they've seen on TV Or the ones that they're close to About what should happen in a marriage. And you realize, Six months in, Because here's what happens.
A guy grows up, His dad gets up in the morning, Early, Goes to work, Works like crazy, Comes home, Walks in, Kicks muddy boots off, Sits on the couch, Watches television, And crushed it as a husband. That was what he was supposed to do. Mom stayed home, She cooked, She cleaned, She kept the house right, When he walked in, Food was ready, And they loved each other, It was a good marriage. This guy grows up, He sees this, And he goes, Okay, I know what a husband does. He gets married to a lovely young lady, Whose family didn't look like that at all. Both parents worked, It's like the Huxtables, One was a doctor, One was a lawyer, They would do take out, Someone would bring food home, They swapped off on chores, They were a team, Somebody cleaned the house every two weeks, They paid to come in.
Lovely marriage, They loved each other, It worked out really well. This young man, Goes to work, Works like a dog, Comes home, Walks in the house, Kicks his boots off, Walks over, Kicks his recliner back, Pops a drink open, Turns the television on, And his wife, Who has not prepared supper yet, Because why would she do that? She also worked to this day, Is suddenly like, What are you doing? And he's like, Crushing it, What the heck are you doing? I went to work, I scored like, 1400 points for the marriage today, I was going to let you catch up, You work part time, So you got like, 700 points, You got 700 to make up, Before you go to bed, Like go cook something, Like this is what happens, And they don't realize it, They get in this huge argument, And they don't realize it, But what she's saying is, Why are you husbanding wrong?
And he's saying, Why are you wifing wrong? And the truth is, We all need a bigger, Better picture to look at, So that we can know, What this should look like. Before we get into, All these little particulars, Before we start talking about, How this plays out, We got to see the big, Beautiful picture, And then we can work from there, So what Paul says is, Marriage, All marriages, Whether you like it or not, Because marriage is written, Into something that's eternal, Marriage, Is based off of, How.
Jesus, Loves, Pursues, Sacrifices, Saves, His bride, And presents her, Beautiful, To the world, To himself, And how the church, Lovingly, Responds, That's what marriage, Is based off of, It's based off of, Christ, And his relationship, To the church, So as we finish up today, Because that's true, What I want to do, Is we're going to read back through, And we're going to focus on, The beautiful parts, Of what Jesus does for the church, We're going to go through, Kind of quickly.
And then we're just going to talk about, Some implications of this, That if this is true, If marriage is really, Based off of the gospel, What does that mean, For marriage and for us, We're going to talk about, Some implications, And then over the next few weeks, We'll get, We'll dive in, And get more and more, Into particulars, Wives, Submit to your own husbands, As to the Lord, For the husband is head of the wife, Even as Christ, Is head of the church, What we said, What we saw earlier in Ephesians, With that the church, Was presented to Christ, That he's the head, He presents himself, Back to the church, That they would belong together.
That they would be united together, That when it says, That he's the head of the church, It's this beautiful, Loving, Connected picture, He's the head of the church, His body, And is himself, Its savior, Now as the church, Submits to Christ, So also wives, Should submit in everything, To their husbands, Husbands, Love your wives, As Christ, Loved the church, And gave himself up for her, This sacrificial, Humble, Devotion, To claim the church, And to make the church beautiful, That he might sanctify her, Having cleansed her, By washing of the water, With the word.
So that he might present, The church to himself, In splendor, Without spot, Or wrinkle, Or any such thing, That she might be holy, And without blemish, In the same way, Husbands should love their wives, As their own bodies, He who loves his wife, Loves himself, This is referring back, To where it says, That the church is Christ's body, So when he says, Love him the way you love your own body, He's saying, Because that's how it works, He who loves his wife, Loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, But nourishes it, And cherishes it, Just as Christ, Does the church, You see that picture, Of what Jesus does with the church, That he nourishes, And cherishes, And he fills us up, He takes care of us, And then he just, Enjoys us, Because we're members of his body, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, And hold fast to his wife, And the two shall become one flesh, That picture is both, It's a sexual picture, As.
Well as like a covenantal picture, That they would completely belong to one another, They would completely devote everything to one another, That they would forsake all others, And then he says, This mystery is profound, And I'm saying, That it refers to Christ, And the church, So that marriage, All marriages, First and foremost, Point to Jesus, And his loving sacrifice, On behalf of his bride, And the church's loving response, So, I want to just walk through, What are implications of this, There are seven, We'll move quickly, And they won't have all the same amount of time.
But I just, Seven implications that I think are helpful for us to think about, As we go into, Marriage being about Christ and the church, That we would understand some of the implications, What that means for us, Number one is that the foundation, Of your marriage is secure, That if marriage is about Christ and the church, Then it's not just based off the fact, That it's a good institution, It's not just based off the fact, That we're enjoying it, Or that it's good.
For us, But that it's pointing to something eternal, So that in the middle of it being really hard, Or in the middle of a season, Where it's very difficult, Or when you have a lot of doubt and frustration, That the foundation hasn't shifted, Because it was always pointing to Christ, It was always based off of how he loves, And pursues his church, And how the church responds, That one of the things, That we have a slight picture of this in, Is parenting, That.
When you're a parent, It's not based off of what you get out of it, We kind of collectively as a society, Agree to that, The parenting isn't like a 50-50 agreement, That it's your job to sacrifice, And serve your child, That it's not based off of what you get out of it, I was talking to a friend recently, Who moved from one house to another, And changed roommates, And we were asking him how his roommates were, And he was just talking about how that was going, And I told him I had a new roommate, I've got a two month old, And I was like, My new roommate's awful, He's either asleep, Or he's got a.
Bottle in his hand, He yells at everybody, Stinks up the whole house, He has a terrible attitude, Won't make eye contact when I'm talking, Wakes us up in the middle of the night, He's just a terrible roommate, Now that's a crazy thing to say about a two month old, Because that's not how that works, Like he, We just owe him all this stuff, And he owes us nothing, And it's a terrible agreement that we made with him, The day he was born.
But that's how it works, And so marriage, Works in a similar fashion, Where it's, It's you're in it, Because it ultimately points to something bigger, And better, And it's not based off of, The goodness of it right now, Isn't based off of, How good is it right now? The value of it, Isn't based off of, How's it working?
Isn't based off of, How's it working? What am I getting out of it? It's secure, It's based, In something bigger, And more beautiful, Secondly, Because marriage is to reflect, Christ's relationship to the church, The picture of marriage is fixed, It's set, It does not change, It does not change, It does not change, It does not change, It does not change, This is why Christians, Hold to a very rigid, Definition, Of marriage, That it's, It's the picture that God gave us, It's one man,
One woman, Covenanting for life, Together, And that's it, That's what we hold to, You can't, It's about Christ, Who is distinct, And separate from the church, Joining the church, And making something beautiful, Together with the church, So that we argue that it's, No, It's, Anything outside of this realm, Is, It's because we're, It's a paint by Numbers, We have one set thing, That we're going off of, So that cohabitating isn't the same, Because there's no commitment, There's no covenant,
There's no, It's too easily, Stepped out of, That a same sex marriage, Is not, Is not the same, It does not qualify, Because God is separate from us, Christ is separate and distinct from us, That there's just a fixed picture, That we're working for, That it's a lifelong commitment, This is one of the reasons, Why divorce, Whether you believe this or not, This truth about marriage, Being given to us from God, To reflect Christ in the church, It's one of the reasons, Why divorce is so painful, And so scarring, So emotionally difficult, Is because when we get married, We are tapping into,
Something that is eternal, And we are, When we are divorced, We are rending that picture, Because we believe, That no matter what, It's based off of this, Good marriage, Between Christ and his people, Thirdly, If marriage is to reflect, Christ's relationship to the church, It means that, Marriage is good, But it is not essential, To a good life, This means that you can go, Your whole life, And never be married, Or that you can have been married, At one point, And no longer be married, And you're okay, That Christ redeems,
That he fixes, That he works, In the midst of that brokenness, And, That you don't miss out, On the best part, Which is the thing, That all other marriages, Are pointing to, Marriage is an appetizer, It's good, Like when you go somewhere, Like a blooming onion is good, Get the steak though, Like if you, This is, This is Christians, Married, Married people in the room, Quit acting like, Everyone single around you, Has to get married, That is not true, That's not helpful to them,
They're not incomplete, If they have Jesus, They are fine, Act like your, Non-Christian friends, Are way more incomplete, Than you act like, Your unmarried friends are, Swap that in your brain, Start working on that, That relationship, With somebody, Because they're not, You can go your whole life, And never be married, And be fine, And it's good to desire marriage, It's fine, But if, If we both worked on a ship together, It was one of those beautiful ones, With all the rigging, And all the cool stuff, And you had to know how to tie,
Like 37 different knots, And when I went home at night, I also had, Little model ships, That I put in a jar, Cool ones, With the little rigging, And all the little tiny knots, And like I figured out how to put it in there, And then set it all up, If I had those, And I really liked them, That's great, But they remind me, Of the big ship that I work on, And all the cool things, That have happened there, And they remind me of, Being out in all the, The really good thing, But if you work on that ship with me, I don't need to try to convince you, That you have to have ships in a bottle, At your house,
You got the big one, You're good, So marriage is good, But it's a small picture, Of the ultimately good thing, So if you are unmarried, You're okay, You haven't missed out, And Jesus is better, Fourthly, Sex is a reflection, Of the joy, Found in the gospel, So Paul says, This picture, That is a sexual picture, He says, It's not just a sexual picture, It's a covenantal picture, But it's also a sexual picture, And he says, That they too, Would become one flesh, And then he says,
This is about Christ, And the church, And the Bible repeatedly, Collectively, Continually says, That sex is designed, To exist inside of, A covenantal marriage relationship, And it is a covenantal good, Meaning that it represents, The good, Joyous, Beautiful things, That you get, Out of a real relationship, With Jesus, That it's a small picture, Of the ultimate joy, That we would have, This is another reason, Why Christians are real rigid, On their definition, Of where this is okay, Simple,
But we're rigid, Inside of marriage, You go for it, Outside of marriage, Nope, That's it, That's Christians approach, To that, Because we believe, That it points to, The ultimate good joy, That's found, In God, In Christ's relationship, With the church, That's a celebration, Of that, So here's a few things, That that means, Shouldn't be taken lightly, Shouldn't be taken out of context, In a marriage relationship, It is not to be bartered, Or earned,
Used as a tool, To get what you want, It's not the reward, At the end of it, It's none of that, Because it's, It's about the joyous relationship, Between Christ and the church, And once Christ claims his bride, They belong to one another, And it's celebratory, It's kind of like, We treat sex oddly, In our culture, We kind of act like, You should have all the sex, Before you get married, Because once you get married, You won't anymore, And that's such a broken picture, Of what that's supposed to be, And it's a little bit like, When people say, I want to drink and party,
And celebrate now, And then I'll become a Christian later, Because I know, Once I go to heaven, I'll be super bored, It's like, You have the most messed up, Picture of heaven, You know it's really good, Right? You know they have wine, But none of the, Like they have all the good stuff, But none of the effects of sin, So there's like, There's like alcohol, But no abuse of it, There's like carbohydrates, But no calories, Like I don't know how it works, But it's going to be really good, And that's similar, To what this is supposed to be, That sex is supposed to be,
A covenantal good, That is celebrated, And enjoyed, Because it's based off, Of this beautiful picture, That we have, In Christ, And his love for the church, Fifthly, Jesus, Is the power, For a healthy marriage, Because it's ultimately, Based off of the gospel, That in order for you, To have a healthy marriage, A good, Joyous, Long lasting one, In the midst of difficulty, And pain, In the midst of harm, In the midst of trouble, Is that you would relate,
To Jesus first, I am not saying, That people who are not Christians, Can't have a good marriage, I don't believe that's true, I believe that marriage, Was given to all of creation, That people who aren't Christians, Should get married, Do get married, Do have good marriages, I just believe, That for it to ultimately, Look the way it's supposed to, Jesus is who empowers us, To live this the way, It ought to be lived, That when it's exhausting, And when it's hard, That we get to be filled up, By Jesus, If my wife, Needs to have all of her, Relationship approval,
Come from me, If she needs me, To rescue her, And redeem her, And build her up, And make her whole, She's going to be, Very disappointed, And being married to me, Is going to be really hard, Being married to her, Is going to be very difficult, Because I won't be able to sin, I won't be able to confess, I won't be able to fail, But if she loves Jesus, Relates to him, Stilled up by him, And I just get to be the sinner, That she's married to, Which gives her a lot of freedom, And it gives me a lot of freedom, And that Jesus is ultimately, The power for your marriage,
To look the way it ought to, Six, If, If marriage is based off, Of Christ's relationship, To the church, If it refers to that, If it points to that, If it comes from that, Then it can be beautiful, Even when it's ugly, If marriage is simply, To exist, For our own enjoyment, And good, Then as soon as it turns bad, As soon as it is hard, As soon as we're hurting, It's over, There's no more good, It's failed, It's broken, We can't have any good out of it, But if it's meant to point to Christ,
And his love for the church, And the church's response to him, Then you can be in the middle, Of a very painful marriage, And doesn't make it not very painful, But you can be in the middle, Of a very painful marriage, And still reflect the gospel, In a beautiful way, Because what we believe about the gospel, Is that Jesus, Did his beautiful work for the church, On a cross, That God took what was most scarring, Most damaging, Most painful, Most hideous, And flipped it, To redeem us, And bring about beauty, And good, And salvation, And hope, And that in the middle of a marriage,
That's very, Very difficult, Sometimes hard to even wake up in the morning, And hard to fall asleep at night, That you get to represent the gospel, In such a glorious way, Through sacrifice, Through love, Through showing that you get what is good, From Christ, And not from everything else, That you get what is good from Christ, And not just in your circumstances, That you get to display him, In a way, That you would not be able to otherwise display him, And lastly, You can have a good marriage, Empowered by the spirit, That if marriage is ultimately about Christ, And if we know him first, And we see that picture first, And we base everything off of that, Then we can,
Empowered by the holy spirit, Actually have a really good marriage, You can have a good marriage, Empowered by the spirit, Where wives humbly, Graciously submit, To the loving, Sacrificial leadership, Of their husbands, And anywhere and everywhere, That this happens, It's beautiful, I'm going to say that again, You can have a good marriage, Empowered by the spirit, While wives humbly, Graciously submit, To the loving, Sacrificial leadership, Of their husbands, Now for some of us, Even as we, As I said that, And as we read that,
We bristled a little bit, It's hard to hear, You've seen it done poorly, It's one of the things, That make us want to say, Yeah I can tell the bible, Was written 2000 years ago, And I would just invite you, If that's the case, To spend the next couple weeks, With us, Studying this together, And trusting that God, Did author this book, That it is for our good, And that there's a lot of hope, And joy to be found, In what it teaches about marriage, And for everybody in this room today, Where marriage is good, Where it's difficult, Where it's a painful subject, Where you have a lot of baggage, A lot of pain,
A lot of hurt, We have a lot of hope, Or a lot of dashed hopes, I pray that you would find, That everything you've ever placed on marriage, And everything that's ever been broken, Has been set right in the gospel, That there is a better husband, And there is a better bride, And there is a more beautiful thing, That we're invited into, A more beautiful covenant, A more beautiful marriage, That is offered to us through Christ, And his sacrifice for us, A man's going to come back up, Matt and Raz are, We're going to finish up today, By taking communion together, Which is where we celebrate, That Jesus, His body was broken for us, So we take bread, And we break it,
And we partake in it, And that his blood was shed for us, So that we take wine or juice, And we dip the bread in, And take it, And we're going to celebrate that together, And as we do it, I would invite you to take the next few minutes, As Matt's going to play the piano for us, For us to just think about, Christ's love for us, His sacrifice for us, The hope that we have in the gospel, That we might repent, Of our sin where we need to, And that we might celebrate well, That our hope for marriage, Our hope for life, Our hope for goodness, And joy is found in Jesus, And Jesus alone, And His work done on the cross, And everything else comes after that, So he's going to play for a minute,
We can sit, We can pray, Would encourage you, If you need to be reminded, About how much Jesus loves you, And how good He is, To read back through that section, We read today, To remind yourself, That you're a part of the bride, If you belong to Jesus, And that He loves you that way, That He sacrificed for you that way, That He nourishes and cherishes you, That way, And if you're not a Christian, We would ask that you refrain, From taking communion, As we take it together, Collectively in a moment, That you would just stay where you are, You won't offend us, By staying seated, And we believe that communion,
Is for Christians, Those who have placed faith in Christ, If you are not a Christian, But want to be, You can place faith in Christ right now, Trust Him with your sin, Because He does love, And welcome all those, Who would repent and come to Him, Let's pray, God we thank you, That the gospel is good news, For all of life, And specifically as we talked about marriage today, We pray that in these next moments, That we would see more clearly, Your beautiful sacrificial love, For your church, And that we would honor and celebrate you well, As we take communion together, In Jesus name, Amen, Amen. Amen.
