1 Samuel 20
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
Good morning. If you weren't here earlier, I said, my name is Spencer, I'm one of the pastors. We are going to be mostly in First Samuel, chapter 20 as we jump back into First Samuel. We took one break last week, but we're jumping right back in. But we're going to start in actually going back something we've already read back in chapter 18 today. Because what we're going to be seeing in chapter 20 is the friendship of Jonathan and David. But that really begins in 18. And I just wanted the first verse to kind of give us a preview of where we're going.
But in 18:1 it said as soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, this is David.
The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. And Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
So this is after David kills Goliath, he sees Jonathan, Jonathan sees him and it says their soul was knit together. And this is the beginning of one of the most famous friendships in all of history. And it begins with two souls knit together in a deep, lasting friendship.
Now as we read this and as we follow the story today, there are parts of us that long for that, that long to have a friendship like this. But where we are kind of culturally, we're not set up well to understand this. I mean, there's lots of warning signs about this. You can look at statistics on this. They've measured kind of friendship and loneliness in America. The bigger problem actually is male friendship and male loneliness. So last year in 2024, they did a study that said that 26% of men reported having six or more close friends. Now back in 1990, that was 55%. So it just kind of shows that over time men are growing lonelier, don't have deep friendships with others like they used to. It's a problem for men and women.
They surveyed all adults. 12% of all adults say they have zero close friends. That 12% of all American adults don't have a friend at all. And we feel the difficulty of that. It gets more complicated, it seems, as you get older to keep friends. That at the end of the movie Stand by Me, a movie from the 80s that captures friendship amongst 12 year old boys, but at the very end he's an adult and he's reflecting back on that summer. And I'll clean up the quote a little bit because it's not appropriate, but he says, I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Goodness, does anyone.
And it's just capturing, like, yeah, I mean, the type of you remember as a kid how innocent you jumped into friendships? I got a. My youngest, she meets everyone. She's like, I'm gonna be your best friend. Just jumps in immediately. And there's this depth you have that you begin to lose over time. And it begins to get more and more difficult.
One of the jokes that's been thrown around the last few years is that no one talks about the miracle of Jesus having 12 close friends in his 30s. And it's like there's some merit to that where it's just. It's difficult, friendships are difficult. But there's. As culture is seeing this, there's a problem here. There's an epidemic of loneliness, particularly in men. And there's all types of risks associated with this. There's risks to physical health, mental health, to all types of risk of suicide. There's this epidemic of loneliness that hits everyone, that hits men particularly the most.
And a problem for us as we approach this story is that we don't have categories to think about these two men and the closeness that they have culturally. The culture doesn't have a category for this without trying to think that something romantic is going on. And that is because closeness and friendship has even been over sexualized. I mean, years ago there was a very weak attempt to try to fabricate a romantic relationship between David and Jonathan. There's nothing in the text, there has never been anything in these stories to say that over 3,000 years of commentaries on this backs that up. There's nothing here. So that attempt, though weak, isn't around as much anymore. It certainly was agenda driven trying to legitimize homosexuality. But I think it's also symptomatic of a culture, especially amongst men, that cannot conceive of closeness amongst two men. That two men's souls being knit together is literally seen as God gay by our culture. And that's a problem. It's a problem that we can't conceive of nearness like this in men or women, but particularly a problem for men.
So what I'm hoping today is as we walk through this, we're going to view this friendship between David and Jonathan and we're going to see three essential aspects of what it means to be a godly friend. And then my hope is, is that as we learn from David and Jonathan, as we glean from this passage, that we would see where to find the purest form of friendship.
So let me pray and then we'll walk through this together. God, I pray that you give us ears to hear this certainly is not a neutral subject. There are folks here that are struggling in friendships right now. There are folks here that are longing for friendship, feeling lonely. God, I pray that you would speak to us this morning. And we respond as the church is supposed to, by loving you and obeying your word in Jesus name. Amen.
All right, so the verse one said as soon as going back to chapter 18, as soon as he had finished speaking to Saul,
The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. And Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David and his armor and even his sword and his bow and his belt.
Okay, so what we see from here and some examples here, but also the thread that gets pulled throughout this story is the first essential aspect of, of godly friendship. And that is that godly friendship is selfless. The godly friendship is selfless.
We see that Jonathan loves David, and we see later on that David loves Jonathan. It says their souls were knit together, that they kind of make this covenant of friendship. And one of the first things that Jonathan does is a seeing Jonathan seeing David and his soul as more valuable than his. So he loved him like it was his own soul. And then he gives up, says his robe and his armor and his sword and his bow and his belt, that he considers David as more important. He's selfless. He shows a deference here. And that's what godly friendship is. It's caring about your friend more than you do your own self.
But that is not what our culture values in friendship. Our culture doesn't see friendship that way. Our culture sees friendship mostly as back scratching. I scratch your back, but then you got to scratch my back. And if you don't scratch my back, we got a problem. We have an invisible scoreboard for friends in our lives that they have to keep up. They got to do the same. They got to be able to reciprocate. And if they don't, it's a problem. And what happens is when your friend is actually struggling, you're like, what have you done for me? I'm pouring myself out. What are you doing for me?
And there's certainly, listen, there certainly is some wisdom in not burning yourself out on fools. I mean, the Proverbs make that clear. They'll be friends of fools. So there's some wisdom in that. But I think largely what happens is, is that we've made friendship consumeristic. We've watched a lot of Seinfeld, a lot of Friends, a lot of How I Met Your Mother, a lot of shows that make friendship about fun and what they can be given to you and the fun they add to your life. And the moment that your friend is struggling and the moment that your friend is not as fun as they used to be, well, their utility has been used up and then we move on. That's what happens.
But we should look for friends that are selfless. And we should be a friend that is selfless. That's helpful when you go through seasons that are difficult. Last year in particular was not a fun year. This was not a fun year for me, not a fun year for my family. We just had a lot of difficulties and a lot of trials that we were working through. And I was so thankful to Jesus that I had friends that displayed this selflessness, that I had friends that would, at a moment's notice, drop everything and come and watch our children. I had friends that I knew prayed for us regularly. Like they didn't. Just like they didn't say they did, but they actually did it. Actually, I knew that they were regularly praying.
I had friends that would ask questions, difficult questions. I had friends that would embody Proverbs 27:6 that said,
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Meaning that good friends are willing to risk relational discomfort in wounding you temporarily for your ultimate good. To have friends that are willing to risk relational capital and make things difficult, to say difficult things to you because it's ultimately for your good, because they care more about you than do the comfort of friendship. We need that.
I was so thankful to God that I had that. And we should seek to be these types of friends like Jonathan, who was selfless.
One of the things that you see throughout this story is that as from this point forward, Jonathan begins to decrease and David begins to increase in favor. Going into chapter 20, you see that Jonathan, who was the son of King Saul, that they start to decrease and Jonathan and David grows in favor with the people. And not for a moment do you see Jonathan respond in selfishness and jealousy and envy of what his friend is getting.
That's wonderful.
One of the things I appreciate about Chet Phillips, which let me give a caveat here, what I'm about to say is something actually really genuine about our friendship. Because I know if you've been here long enough, you know, we poke fun at each other a lot. We burn each other. That's what we do. He preaches, he makes fun of me. I preach, I make fun of him. We're savage towards each other. It's part of our love language.
I'm not going to comment on how he gives awkward hugs. I'm not going to comment on how his face is naturally very angry looking. Looks like the kind of dad that would yell at the refs at a youth football game. I'm not going to say any of that. What I'm about to say is actually quite genuine.
That I appreciate about our friendship is that he is not jealous. There are times where God has blessed me and he's eager to know about it. And he digs. He says, no, no, no, no, tell me more about him. I was like, well, I mean, you know, this happened and that was good. And this happened and that was good. And some folks when you share with, sometimes you're like, you can tell. They're like, oh, I'm so happy for you. It's so good. I'm so glad that God has blessed you. And you're like, okay, I'm gonna reel it back in a little bit.
But with him, he just says, no, tell me more. I want to know. I want to be able to, I want to be joyful when God has blessed you. And that's selflessness. And I appreciate that about the friendship that we have. And that's what Jonathan is to David. As David increases in favor, Jonathan is not envious. He's not clinging to favor of the people, but he's selfless towards David.
Now we're through chapter 19. We saw that Jonathan's father, Saul, King Saul, is trying to kill David over and over again. And then finally we saw at the end of chapter 19 where Saul comes to boldly kill David at the feet of the prophet Samuel. And that God defends David with prophecy, that Saul is stricken with prophecy, prophetic praise. That's how chapter 19 ended.
Years have gone by at this point and Saul is growing in rage towards David. David. And now it's very clear that Saul has it out completely for David. Everybody knows it. And the friendship of Jonathan and David is really being tested in chapter 20 as his rage has been unrelenting. And there's this wonder, did Saul actually, was he changed by God when he was prophesying? Or does he still want David dead? And David thinks, absolutely, he still wants me dead.
So we pick up in verse one of chapter 20, it says,
Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and came and said before Jonathan, "What have I done? What is my guilt and what is my sin before your father that he seeks my life?" And he said to him, "Far from it! You shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing either great or small without disclosing it to me. And why should my father hide this from me? It is not so." But David vowed again, saying, "Your father knows well that I have found favor in your eyes." And he thought, "Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved." But truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death."
David's like, your dad wants to kill me. No, really, he wants to kill me. And Jonathan's like, no, no. And then David's like, no, you don't understand. He's trying to. He's still trying to kill me. And Jonathan's like, don't you know that if I find out about this, I'm gonna let you know? And David's like, yeah, but your father knows. He knows of our friendship. He knows of our love for one another. He's gonna hide this from you.
And David, you can tell how distressed he is. And he's like, I'm a step away from death. And then Jonathan hears all this and he says,
Then Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you say, I will do for you."
Okay, whatever you say, I'll do for you. Which again highlights the selflessness of Jonathan. All right, I hear you. I'm listening. What can I do?
Verse 5.
David said to Jonathan, "Behold, tomorrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit at the table with the king. But let me go, that I may hide myself in the field to the third day at evening. If your father misses me at all, then say, 'David earnestly asked leave of me to run to Bethlehem, his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the clan.' If he says, 'Good,' it will be well with your servant. But if he is angry, then know that harm is determined by him."
So David comes up with a plan. They're going to test the wrath of Saul. He says, I'm not going to show up to the new moon festival. This is a time of festivities where they would make sacrifices to the Lord. He was expected to attend as being a part of the king's court. And he says, if I don't show up and your father is okay with it, we'll know that his wrath has subsided and I can come back. But if he's angry and that shows up in my absence I will know that he wants me dead.
Verse 8.
Therefore deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you. But if there is guilt in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father?"
And Jonathan said,
Far be it from you! If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come to you, would I not tell you?
Then Jonathan said. Then David said to Jonathan, "Who will tell me if your father answers you roughly?" And Jonathan said to David, "Come, let us go out into the field." So they both went out into the field.
So again this back and forth of how am I going to know? How am I going to know that I'm going to be safe? And Jonathan brings them out into the field and they continue this.
In verse 12 it says,
Jonathan said to David, "The Lord, the God of Israel, be witness when I have sounded out my father about this time tomorrow or the third day. Behold, if he is well disposed towards David, shall I not then send and disclose it to you?"
He said, if I find out, I'm going to let you know.
Verse 13.
But should it please my father to do you harm, the Lord do so to Jonathan. More also, if I do not disclose it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety."
He says, if I catch wind that my father wants you dead, I will let you know so that you can safely escape. May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father.
Which Paul's right there. That is the recognition very clearly from Jonathan that the favor of God has shifted from Saul in his house to David. And what he's going to say next is the recognition and the acceptance that David is the anointed king, the one who Samuel anointed to be the next king.
Verse 14.
"If I am still alive, show me the steadfast love of the Lord, that I may not die. And do not cut off your steadfast love from my house forever, when the Lord cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth."
And that is a part of this friendship covenant. This agreement is the request: when you become king in your steadfast love towards me, do not take this out on my descendants. My children live as you become king. And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying,
"May the Lord take vengeance on David's enemies."
And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.
So they're bound together in this covenant of friendship that will outlive them. And I want us to see the second essential aspect of godly friendship, and that is that godly friendship is steadfast. The godly friendship is steadfast.
Show me the steadfast love of the Lord. Do not cut off your steadfast love from my house forever.
Jonathan asks. Godly friendship is steadfast. You need friends who are steadfast, who are faithful when times are difficult. And you should want to be the type of friend who is steadfast, immovable, faithful to your friend when they are struggling. You should want to embody this type of friendship.
This is what the Proverbs are capturing in Proverbs 18:24, when it says,
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 17:17 says,
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,
that you want friends and to be the kind of friend who loves at all times, who's born for the difficult moments of life.
So Matt Freeman, who is one of our pastors, and if you've been coming around, if you're new, been around the last couple of months, you haven't seen Matt. He's been on sabbatical for the last three months. This is actually the final week of sabbatical. Be back next week, which is exciting. Yeah, you can celebrate that, ten of you.
But one of the things I've appreciated about the friendship that Matt and I have is that over, really, the close to the last decade of doing ministry together, I know that Matt is going to be steadfast. I know that he's going to be there when things are difficult, when you do ministry together, like, there are things that are wonderful that you get to celebrate of how God is at work in some powerful ways. And there's also a lot of moments of difficulty. And I've just known for years, like, he's there, that he's in it with me, that he's going to stick closer than a brother, that he's going to be steadfast.
I know that when things get difficult, he's going to be there. He's going to. I know that I'm going to get a message from him asking, how are you doing? How's your soul? How's your walk? With Jesus, how's your family? I know he's going to ask. I know he's going to ask difficult questions because he's there with me, side by side. Even when we get in each other's grill sometimes, because every now and then we'll have an argument, we'll have a dust up, because that's what happens when you work together. And there are times when my wife is like, oh, you guys got an argument, and there's tension in her voice and it's like, it's okay, like, we're fine. We're for each other. We're for each other's good. We're going to disagree at times, but I know that he's going to ride or die. I know that we're going to stick it out together because there's this steadfastness, this loyalty, this faithfulness within him.
And that's the type of faithfulness and steadfastness that Jonathan and David display towards each other. That in the face of death, in the face of some really big political changes that are happening, they are knit together, their love and their friendship is. Is steadfast, it is going to make it and traverse through any of the storms they're about to face.
And that is the type of friendship that we should seek and the type of friends we should seek to be. There's a steadfastness in their friendship.
It continues in verse 18 as they're working out this plan.
Then Jonathan said to him, "Tomorrow is the new moon, and you will be missed because your seat will be empty on the third day. Go down quickly to the place where you hid yourself when the matter was in hand, and remain beside the stone heap. And I will shoot three arrows to the side of it as though I shot at a mark. And behold, I will send the boy, saying, 'Go find the arrows.' If I say to the boy, 'Look, the arrows are on this side of you, take them,' then you are to come, for as the Lord lives, it is safe for you and there is no danger. But if I say to the youth, 'Look, the arrows are beyond you,' then go, for the Lord has sent you away. And as for the matter of which you and I have spoken, behold, the Lord is between you and me forever."
So they devise this plan because it seems like they can't even be seen together at this point that they're going to have. He's going to go out, he's going to shoot arrows, and he says, I shoot him. And they land on this side. And I say to my arrow boy, go to this side and if you get the arrows, you'll know that's the signal. It's safe to come out, it's safe to come back.
Saul doesn't want to kill you. But if I shoot beyond and I tell my arrow boy that the arrows are beyond, you should know that you need to run because my father wants to kill you. So that's the secret sign that they work out together.
All right? Verse 24.
So David hid himself in the field. And when the new moon came, the king sat down to eat food. The king sat on his seat, as at other times on the seat by the wall. Jonathan sat opposite and Abner sat by Saul's side. But David's place was empty.
Verse 26.
Yet Saul did not say anything that day, for he thought something has happened to him. He is not clean, surely he is not clean.
He just thinks, okay, he might be ceremonially unclean. So if you're ceremonially unclean, you can't be in the presence of others. You gotta do some rituals, come back. He'll be back the next day.
Verse 27.
But on the second day, the day after the new moon, David's place was empty. And Saul said to Jonathan, his son, "Why has not the son of Jesse come to the meal either yesterday or today?"
Jonathan answered Saul,
"David earnestly asked leave of me to go to Bethlehem. He said, 'Let me go, for our clan holds a sacrifice in the city, and my brother has commanded me to be there.' So now if I found favor in your eyes, let me get away and see my brothers.' For this reason, he has not come to the king's table."
So I'm going to sugarcoat that straight up lie. Bible's not prescriptive and sometimes like this very descriptive of what's happening here. So he lies. Saul doesn't buy it at all.
Verse 30.
Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan. And he said to him, "You son of a perverse rebellious woman!"
Which that's his wife taking shots everywhere.
"You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame and the shame of your mother's nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse lives on earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established."
Which what he does there is he appeals to the base desire of power. Don't you know that David sits on the throne that you're supposed to sit on next? That he's taking the throne from you to your own shame? Jonathan, will you not turn him over? Turn him in so that you can be the future king.
He appeals to this base desire for power.
For as long as the Son of Jesse lives on earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die."
And Jonathan answered Saul, his father,
"Why should he be put to death? What has he done?"
But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him.
So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death.
And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month. For he was grieved for David because his father had disgraced him.
So Jonathan seeks to again make the case he's done nothing to you. He's only done good to you.
In this country does what Saul does repeatedly, which is pick up. I don't know if he has these spears handy all the time. I mean, he just must rule with a spear. But he also, he's not good at it because he misses again. Happens multiple times in the story. He keeps missing.
And Jonathan is grieved. He's grieved because he knows that his father seeks to kill him. And this is going to change things going forward.
Verse 35.
In the morning, Jonathan went out to the field to the appointment with David and with him, a little boy. They're going to enact a plan, he said to his boy, "Run and find the arrows that I shoot." As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. And when the boy came to the place of the arrow that Jonathan had shot, Jonathan called after the boy and said, "It's not the arrow beyond you," it's the signal." And Jonathan called after the boy, "Hurry, be quick and do not stay."
So Jonathan's boy gathered up the arrows and came to his master. But the boy knew nothing. Only Jonathan and David knew the matter.
And Jonathan gave his weapons to his boy and said to him,
"Go and carry them in."
Carry them to the city so that signals you need to run. My father wants to kill you.
Verse 41.
As soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most.
Then Jonathan said to David,
"Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord shall be between me and you and between my offspring and your offspring.'"
For
And they rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.
So when the arrow boy is there, their emotions are held together and they begin to be released.
Now you might be thinking, as I thought, why did you go to all this trouble to do this sign if you're just going to pop out and talk? As I had the same thought, I don't fully know my best, my best take is that that was the plan. But they're so overwhelmed by emotion and they're so overwhelmed by their love for one another that this can't be the last time they see each other, that they're willing to risk safety for the sake of embracing one last time as friends.
So he comes out, bows to the ground, showing deference and respect. They kiss, which this is like Italians do today. This is a cultural greeting for them. So this is kissing on both sides of the cheek. New Testament says, greet each other with a holy kiss.
You've been here long enough, you know, we don't do that. We're not going to start. But this is dapping each other up. This is bro huggin. This is the culturally appropriate way to greet one, to greet a friend like this. So they greet, they embrace, and they weep.
This is David. So David wept the most, weeping bitterly. And I think the reason, A, why they're willing to risk coming out in the open and B, why this is such a grievous moment, such a sad filled moment is because they know everything's going to change. Their friendship and the way that it has gone is not going to continue. David's going to be on the run for the rest of his days. They won't be together anymore and their hearts are broken because of the love they have for one another as friends and what they're having to give up to continue.
And that brings me to the third essential aspect of godly friendship. And that godly friendship is sacrificial. The godly friendship is sacrificial.
It's hard to tell when Jonathan knew fully that David was the one that Samuel had anointed to be the future king of Israel. Some are going to argue and say that in the beginning of chapter 18, when he gives up his cloak, he gives up his, his robe and his armor that's symbolic of the passing of the torch and that Jonathan in that moment was conveying that. I think that's a little speculative, but I wouldn't lean and say that's put a ton of force on that. It certainly shows a great amount of deference and respect.
But boy, oh boy, when you get through chapter 19, if you're not convinced by the end of chapter 19, it's so clear here in chapter 20 that Jonathan knows that God has chosen David to be king and not him. He knows it.
Which means that every single step that Jonathan takes in helping David is solidifying David on the throne and not him. That every time, that he continues to help David, every time he helps save and preserve his life, that he is counting the future of David as more significant than his own. That he's sacrificing his place on the throne.
He's not fighting the will of God. He's trusting in God's will and his choice. And also loving his friend sacrificially. It's a beautiful picture. What friendship is supposed to be in sacrificial friendship.
One of the themes that shows up in the Lord of the Rings and the series is friendship. One of the main themes of that story. And particularly if you focus on the friendship between Samwise and Frodo, the two hobbits, that is one filled with sacrificial friendship.
In the first movie, when Frodo has decided that he's going to go on his own, he's going to take the Ring himself, that he gets on the boat and Sam, who cannot swim, follows him out into the water and begins to drown himself because he's so committed for the betterment of Frodo to help his friend that he's willing to sacrifice his own life to make the point.
The books quote and say, "I'll knock holes in all the boats." That's this thing. You're not going without me. I'm giving up my life, my safety, for the sake of helping you and the burden that you are carrying. I'll sink every boat and we'll sink together. But you're not going out alone.
And when you follow that story throughout all three of the movies or books, you see this over and over and over again, all the way to the very end where they're almost there to deliver the Ring and they're starving and they only got a little food left. And Sam gives Frodo the majority of the food, sacrificing for the sake of his friend who's so deeply burdened. It's a beautiful picture of sacrificial friendship.
Are you willing to be the type of friend that says, I will sink this boat? You're not going anywhere until we talk this through, until you tell me what's going on, until you let me help you. Are you willing to be the type of friend who's willing to go without that your friend is struggling and they're in their season of adversity. And when you talk, they're mostly sharing about their problems. But you're willing to sacrifice sharing your life for the sake of helping them bear this burden. Because you love them and because you count them more significant than yourself. Are you willing to be a sacrificial friend on behalf of your friends?
That's what Jonathan was to David. It's a beautiful picture of sacrificial friendship. To love your friend at cost to yourself. Your friendship was filled with selfless, steadfast and sacrificial friendship.
Now as you walk through this, you may be receiving this and may be thinking and evaluating. Man, I wish I had friends like that. You may be thinking about the friends in your life. I wish that person was more selfless. That person, they're not steadfast, they're not faithful like they should be. They're not sacrificing.
And what I want to push on is I think you've missed a step. Because if you're immediate response to this story is to begin to evaluate all the ways that your friends have failed you, you haven't looked in the mirror first.
Jesus says,
"Take the plank out of your own eye, so that you can see the speck in your brother's eye."
You should do the soul work of examining your own heart and asking difficult questions.
Have I been selfless? Like, really considering others more significant than myself? Are you steadfast? Are you there when things are difficult? Are you looking for an exit as soon as things get difficult, as soon as the fun stops? Do you sacrifice? Do you give up time? Do you give up energy? Are you willing to give away for the sake of your friend and your friends?
And maybe you do that soul work and you say, yeah, I need to repent here. I need to change here. I need to have a conversation there. And then you come to the conclusion, but, yeah, but there's still this longing within me. Like, I've tried to be a friend for years and this type of deep friendship has eluded me for years. And this becomes really a story of pain for you.
What I'd like to suggest is two things.
The first, don't give up. I think the Church of Jesus Christ is a beautiful place to find friends, to find deep friendships that embody the friendship of David and Jonathan.
So first is, don't give up. Press in.
The second is that it's very possible that you have placed your hope in the friendship of men and women. And what I want to very clearly say is that your ultimate hope should be in friendship with God. That this deep longing and desire will only be fully satiated and satisfied in friendship with God.
Because while Jonathan and David are a wonderful example of friendship, and they are, and we should learn from them, they are not the purest form of friendship that is found in this life.
You see, Jonathan and David start as two men who love each other. But the friendship that God offers doesn't start that way. The friendship that Jesus offers us is to people who are hostile to him, to people who oppose his very ways.
You see, when you read the Gospels and you get to a passage like Luke 7, when chapter 7, verse 34, when the Pharisees, the religious leaders are taking a shot at Jesus and they say,
"The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, 'Look at him, a glutton, a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.'"
That when we read that, we most often think about the self righteousness of the religious leaders because Jesus is willing to be friends with the lowliest, the sinners.
But what gets lost in them is that Jesus befriends crowds of people whose very lives and the choices that they make every day oppose the way that Jesus has set out for creation, that they, with every deliberate choice to sin against God, they have chosen to sin against Jesus.
And what this ultimately is, is foreshadowing of what Jesus offers us in the Gospel that we, as the passage we read earlier, were alienated and hostile in mind. What Mike was preaching about last week, that as Jesus displays kindness to us, we don't start that way. We are enemies of God.
So this isn't two people who love each other initially. This is Jesus who loves hostile sinners. And the love and the friendship that he offers us breaks through to our hearts in a way that captures us.
And another foreshadowing that Jesus does in his ministry. In John 15, Jesus says,
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
Which is a foreshadowing of what's about to happen in an act so selfless, so steadfast in love, so sacrificial, that Jesus lays down his life at the cross for enemies to make them friends.
That is the purest form of friendship that you can discover in this life. It is friendship with God and fellowship with him that you get a picture of now that resounds more beautifully, more wonderfully into eternity.
That is where our hope should be.
So yes, as we learn this and as we talk about this in groups this week, we absolutely should learn from David and Jonathan and we should see the selflessness and the steadfastness and the sacrificial nature of their friendship. And we should walk away from this, evaluating ourselves, the friends that we can be.
But for those of us that are longing for fellowship, those of us that are longing for friendship, we must first take the step of finding that in Christ and the most perfect and most pure friendship that is offered in him.
The band's going to come up and we get to do that and consider that for a moment, that we should consider Christ and what he offers.
And it is possible that for some of you, the loneliness that you feel in this life is not just because you don't have good friends. It's because you actually don't have Christ.
And my hope for you this morning is that you would find your hope for fulfillment and friendship in Christ and Him alone.
And for those of us who have trusted in Jesus, some of us need to walk away and we need to. We might need to have some conversations with some people this week, might need to confess some sin and confess some ways that we have failed, might need to consider the ways in which we need to grow in this so that we can be the type of godly friend that desires that God desires his people be.
Let's pray.
Heavenly Father, I pray that you might help us see the friendship that is offered in you, the friendship that is offered in our Savior, in Christ, the friend that we have in him. God, I pray that that would compel our hearts towards faith and surrendering to have fellowship with you from here into eternity. God, I pray that we would not leave this word without reflecting on our own hearts and the ways that we have failed to be the friends that God has called us to be and that we would change. And that the fruit that comes out of the effort this week results in reconciliation. It results in love, results in service, results in godliness and friendship. We ask this in Jesus name, Amen.