Wisdom and Words

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Wisdom and Words

Spencer Cary

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Coincidentally, when the talent started to run out, it didn't go so well.

The tearing down, the consistently eating at us, it didn't build us up as a team. And when the talent kind of finally ran dry, things began to fell apart. You had to see kind of two different philosophies on how you talk to players and how you speak. And they were very different. The Proverbs has lots to say on this type of speech. On speech that builds up and speech that tears down.

Proverbs 8, 2 and 21 says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruits. So the idea is, is that our speech is powerful in a way that can bring death. It can tear down or a way that builds up, that brings life. And this makes sense in light of the God who created us. Like God could have made the earth in any way, in any form or fashion.

But he chooses to speak the world into existence. To speak the universe into existence. And we're made in the image of that God. And we, unlike any other aspect of creation, bear his image in this way. That speech is powerful in a way that it can build up and tear down. When you think of people who have given speeches in the past.

You think of Martin Luther King who gave speeches that helped a nation begin to repent of its racism. There was power in his words and his message. And then you look at someone like Adolf Hitler. Who was also gifted in speaking but used his for destruction. To inspire and encourage a nation to indulge in its racism. Like speech is powerful.

Words are powerful. And the tongue is very powerful. It shapes ideas. It shapes cultures. It shapes families. It shapes individuals.

So, if speech is this powerful. If words are this important. How foolish are we to think that the way that we communicate in everyday life doesn't have consequences. How foolish are we to think that the way we talk to our spouse. Or to people in our group. Or to co-workers.

That it's not a big deal. That it doesn't matter. Speech absolutely matters. The way you use your tongue. The way that you speak. Matters a lot.

And when you look at Proverbs it says those who understand this will eat of its fruit. If you understand this. You will have a life that goes better for you. Because you'll be the kind of person that builds up as opposed to tears down. That is what we're going to look at today. How the Proverbs counsel us as a people.

In how we speech. My hope is. Is that as we sit under this this morning. That we would be corrected. That we would see the power. Of power of speech that builds up.

But often times the Proverbs spends a whole lot more time on the dangers of destructive speech. And that we'd see that in our own hearts. And we'd respond together collectively as a church. In seeking to grow as people of God. Who understand the power of speech in words. And would speak wisely.

That's the hope. So. Let me pray for us. And then we will dive into the scriptures. Lord we love you. And we thank you.

That we get to come together to. Sit under the authority of your word. That we get to be molded and shaped into your image. And this morning as we look at the wisdom of words. My hope is that we would be corrected. My hope is that we'd be inspired to use.

Speech for the glory of God and the good of others. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Alright so. We're first going to look at words that build up. Building words.

There's a couple of Proverbs I want us to look at. That capture this. The first is Proverbs 10. 11. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. But the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

I want to focus on that first part. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. Alright. So in this context. It's written. These Proverbs are written in the Middle Eastern context.

Right. So Middle Eastern context has not as much water. So if you're in the desert. And you stumble upon a well. That means life. Life.

Water means life. We take it for granted. Because you can just go to a faucet. But in their time. It was hard to find wells. It was hard to find good water.

And if you found one. It meant life to you. It refreshed you. That's the picture here. Like in an arid desert. You find water.

In a culture that's so toxic and negative in how we talk to one another. That you would stand out as a fountain that gave life to one another. That's the picture here. That's what the Proverbs is calling us to. Is to be a person who's righteous. Who is like a fountain of life.

Every year. The four elders. We pastors. We have an elder retreat. Where we get away. It's a time for us to regroup.

To break away from the normal schedule of what we do. And to pray. And to plan. And to strategize. And to also. To fellowship.

And to encourage one another. We throughout the year. We've gotten better at this over the years. But we really just kind of get our jobs done. Our areas of oversight. We just.

We make sure that we're doing it. And we don't. We're not overly positive encouraging to one another. It just. So we have to schedule that.

We have to make sure that once a year. We've got to end the schedule. We're actually going to encourage one another. So every year at elder retreat. We have a time where we actually do some competitive encouragement. We think about it ahead of time.

We encourage what we see. How Jesus has been working in one another. And it's. Every year we're just reminded. Man. That's really good.

We really knew that. All the sarcasm. Cutting jokes all year. Kind of. Started to weigh you down. It's good to actually say something positive.

And mean it. We love that. And it's. And it's timely. Bruce Waltke has some commentary on this. He says.

The right word. Spoken at the right time. In the right way. Supports or corrects a community. In a way that promotes life. Timely words.

Spoken in the right way. In the right manner. They bring life. Wouldn't you like to be the kind of person. That when you die. And people are remembering you at your funeral.

That they would think. Man. That person. They were like a fountain of life. When they. When you were around them.

They. They. They. They gave life to you. The way they spoke. Was just so.

Encouraging. That's the picture. That the Proverbs holds out. Proverbs. 10. 21.

Says. The lips. Of the righteous. Feed many. But fools die.

For lack of sense. So I'm going to focus on the first half. Of this proverb. You're going to see that the. The way that this is spoken of. Is the mouth.

The tongue. The lips. The idea is that you use this. Use this organ. That the God. That God has given you.

For the glory of. Him. And for the good of others. And here it says. The lips. Of the righteous.

Feed many. Now the word for feed there. Is. Is the language. Of shepherds. Feeding sheep.

It's. It's that word. So the idea here. Is that. Someone who is righteous. In their speech.

Would be like a shepherd. Who feeds sheep. That you'd have shepherd type. Lips. That it would. Feed.

Those around you. Would build those up. Around you. At the church. I was at previously. One of our pastors.

He had this gift. He had shepherd type lips. This. I mean he. When he spoke. He absolutely.

You just felt loved. You felt cared for. Part of it was because he had a voice. That was like a radio voice. And it just sounded very nice. But the other part of it was.

Because he genuinely cared. And it just. It built you up. That. That. We should want that.

We should want to be the kind of person. That builds up those around you. So. Like I said. The Proverbs has a few places. That speaks positively.

About the. About how words can build others up. It has a lot more to say. About destructive words. And for the bulk of our time. We're going to look at.

Different categories. Of destructive words. And I think this is very timely. And important for us. Because as a culture. Even.

Even. As American Christians. We don't tend to think about. Destructive words. As being. One of.

The most divisive. And one of the ways. To actually destroy. Yourself. And one another. We don't.

We don't. We don't pedestal this. As one of the. Worst subsets of sins. We'll think about sexual sin. And how destructive that is.

And we'll go hard after that. But we don't think about. The destructive nature of words. And how. How easily. It divides.

Whole churches. That how often. Gossip. And slandering. And whispering. And.

And what we're about to walk through. How often that divides. Whole communities of Christians. Divides community groups. It is. Very important.

That we understand. The power of words. And how destructive. They can be. It only takes two people. To divide a church.

One to speak. And someone else. To let them speak. So. I mean. It's.

It's. It's true. Like. We need to be mindful of this. So. I want to walk through.

The Proverbs has. A lot of different things to say. So. As I was walking through the Proverbs. There are three broad categories. Of destructive speech.

That I want. Us to look at. This morning. And I want you to think of this. As kind of the ship of fools. Alright.

Three different types of fools. If pirates helps you. That's fine. But just. This is the ship of fools. It's the babbler.

It is the hammer. And it is the whisper. Alright. The babbler. The hammer. The whisper.

Three different types. Of destructive speech. That we're going to walk through. And see from the Proverbs. So we're going to tackle first.

The babbler. The one who speaks. Way too much. Alright. So listen.

I don't talk about politics. Broadly with people. I'm a pastor. I talk about faith. That is divisive enough. For some people.

So I don't like to talk about it. But if you do want to have a private conversation. Get me started on something. Get me started on free speech. Because I think free speech is amazing. It's an amazing western American value.

It's the bedrock of our society. In so many ways. And as much as I love American free speech. What I've realized in reading the Proverbs this week. Is that as Christians. We are called to limit our speech.

We don't have the freedom to say anything that we would like. In fact. The Proverbs instructs us and pushes us on. No. You should be someone who restricts your speech. That minds your tongue.

And in steps. The babbler. The one who speaks far too often. And far too much. And there are multiple Proverbs. That go after this.

Look at Proverbs 21. 23. It says. Whoever keeps his mouth. And his tongue. Keeps himself out of trouble.

Fairly self-explanatory. If you mind your tongue. It will keep yourself out of trouble. There was a few years back. My wife and I. We bought a house.

When we moved back here. And. So I'm meeting. Talking with a neighbor one day. And across the fence. Having our fence conversation.

And I was like. Yeah. I'm so excited. We got this house. I couldn't believe we got it. For the price that we got it at.

I couldn't believe that the. The real estate agent. Let those pictures. Stay online. I mean. It did not do this house justice at all.

What were they thinking? Man. I'm really glad we got this house. Fast forward a few years. Exact same spot. This is where we talk at the fence.

And. He's like. Yeah. I'm getting ready to sell my house. I said. That's awesome.

And I. I don't practice real estate as much anymore. I'm transitioning out of real estate. Into being full time here. My wife's taking over. But.

Back then. I was doing a lot more real estate. And I said. Oh man. So. My ears perked up.

I'm like. Pick up a client here. This should be good. He said. Yeah. I'm going to price it on how I priced your house.

And I went. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh no. Oh no.

And my face turned beet red. I was like. I. Insulted this guy to his face. And he saw it. He looked at me in the face.

And I. He said. Yep. I said. I am so. Sorry.

I am such an idiot. I was like. I insult you to your face. He said. Yeah. I made my broker.

Had a good laugh about that. He said. I tried to convince my clients. To not keep those pictures. She was dead set. I'm keeping them.

But. You're going to see a lot of examples today. Are me. Because I. I get myself into trouble a lot. In how I speech.

I speak. But man. I just. I. Talk too much. You get to talk.

Get to talk. Get to talk. I'm not mindful of your tongue. It gets yourself into trouble. Proverbs 13. 3 says.

Whoever guards his mouth. Preserves his life. He who opens his. Opens wide his lips. Comes to ruin. There's a saying in the British military.

And also in the American military. Back in World War 2. And it was. Loose lips sink ships. The idea was. If you spoke too much.

If you babbled. A spy might hear you. And it might cost lives. If you. Do not guard your mouth. You do not preserve your life.

Think about the. The musical Hamilton. And even Alexander Hamilton. Historically. Was an individual. Who was a babbler.

He. Spoke. Way too much. He. Wrote. Way too much.

He got himself into trouble. A lot. Because he made far too many enemies. Because he could not restrain his tongue. And when you listen to the musical. What's funny is.

Is that's kind of upheld as. Ha ha. You know. Look at Alexander Hamilton. Look at this guy. He talks a lot.

But man. Look at all the good stuff he did. And then Aaron Burr. The one who eventually kills him. Because he ran his mouth off too much. He's upheld as.

Kind of a snake. Which he is. But the. The. The tagline that comes from. That is applied to him.

Is he says. Talk less. Smile more. And. And. And.

And they're pitted against one another. Now. There's a political element of that. That he is a snake. But what's funny is.

Is when you look at the Proverbs. And how it speaks about talking too much. It kind of sides with Aaron Burr. It. It does. It.

You. Should talk less. It does get you into trouble. And. So. And.

And. And. And. And. And. And.

And. it would have gone well for you. This is what happens as we get to talking and ruin comes upon us. I'll give you two Proverbs back to back. The heart of Proverbs 15, 28. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Similar Proverbs 29, 20 says, Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?

There's more hope for a fool than for him. And both of those illustrate the same thing. If you are in a hurry to speak, and you do not consider your words, if you do not ponder how to answer, it will not go well for you. You know why? Because wickedness will pour from your mouth. James 1, 19 captures this.

It says, Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The idea is that you would be slow to speak. Because if you don't, there are things that could come out of you that will reveal your heart. Part of believing this and applying this proverb is believing that our hearts are deceitful. That our hearts are stained with sin and wickedness. Jesus taught this in Matthew 15.

He said, From out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. The reality is, is that we have deceitful, sinful hearts. Why wouldn't we seek to be mindful of how we speak? If the mouth is so connected to the heart, why wouldn't we be mindful to restrain how we speak in a way that sin would not come forth and harm others? That's what Proverbs is getting at. Proverbs 18, 6-7 says, A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. So two things were true before I became a Christian when I was 17. One, I was like five feet tall. I did not hit my growth spurt until I was 17. And the second thing was true is I loved to talk some smack. I, oh man.

And I don't ever do that anymore. But I did a lot of that back then. And, you know, in my heart, I was like, I can take anybody. I can back this up. But in my mind, I was like, nah, I'm going to need some backup.

So I made sure when I talked smack that some of my friends who were bigger, some of my friends who knew some karate, were with me. Because I knew if I talked too much and it got real, I'm going to need some backup. It may not go well for me. The Proverbs would have counseled my friends to ditch me because I was a fool. But they didn't.

So they stuck with me. And sometimes things got a little heated. That's the physical picture here. If you run your mouth, it can get you in the physical trouble. The reality is that most of you are not going to get into physical altercations because of your mouth. But you will take an emotional beating.

Right? Keep talking. Keep arguing with your wife. Keep arguing with your husband. Another dig. Another comment.

I'm going to win this argument. How is winning an argument in marriage ever gone? Right? It doesn't bode well for you. It invites hurt. You can get in an argument with your roommates.

And you keep arguing. You keep arguing. You keep arguing. You keep getting the last word. You won't stop talking. And it makes what?

It makes the house miserable for you and for everyone else who lives there. You have to be mindful of how we speak. All right. That is some of the Proverbs and how it speaks about the babblers. So, what is the blunt counsel? Because the Proverbs, I don't know if you've noticed this far, is fairly blunt.

What is the Proverbs and how does it counsel us as those who might be babblers? It's fairly simple. Shut your mouth. It is fairly straightforward. Restrain your tongue. Talk less.

You know the old teaching that you've got two ears and one mouth? Listen twice as much as you talk. It's true. Listen more. Talk less. Yes.

You absolutely should do that. Francis Schaeffer, the Christian apologist and philosopher, he said, if I have an hour with somebody to counsel them, I'm going to listen for 55 minutes and then I'm going to talk for five. Because if you let someone talk, they will reveal themselves and then you'll be able to give wise counsel. Talk less. That also means, Christians, that means post less. Man alive.

On Instagram, on Facebook, on Snapchat, or Twitter, or whatever it is that you do. Post less. I know some folks like to post a lot. I'm not saying posting a lot in and of itself is bad. But for some people, Facebook, Instagram, whatever you use, it's like a cathartic experience.

It's like a cleansing experience for you to be able to work out your emotions in front of people, work out your soul in public. I'm not saying vulnerability is always a bad thing. I am saying that you are running the danger of being a babbler. Of being foolish by posting way too much. We need to be mindful. If you claim to be a Christian, you represent Christ.

You're an ambassador of the Lord Jesus. Does your Facebook reflect that? Does your Twitter, does your online presence reflect that? Alright, that is the babbler. The next destructive category of speech is the hammer. This is the one who is blunt, who is harsh, who brings the hammer down on those around them with their words.

Alright, so let's look at the hammer. Proverbs 51. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Anger. Alright. Being considerate in your words is important.

And how you speak matters. It matters immensely. In surgery, you would prefer that your surgeon operates with a scalpel and not a hunting knife. Both will cut you open. One is going to be more precise. The other is going to cause far more damage than you'd like.

You're called to be precise in your speech. You're called to be mindful and considerate of how you talk. And the manner in which you talk. A soft answer turns away wrath. If you come in guns blazing on those around you, it doesn't usually work. Right?

Let's just say you've got someone in your group and they come to you and they say, oh man, I just... I'll be honest guys, I fell. I looked at pornography again this week and I just... I've been stressed at work and I just... I was on my phone late at night and just one thing led to another. And if you just came in and said, no!

No! You need to stop looking at pornography. Have you read Matthew? Put it to death. Pluck out your eye. Cut off your hand.

What are you doing? I'm sick and tired of you coming here every week confessing the same sin. Give me your phone. Does that go well? Right? You feel assaulted just by that, right?

Someone comes in and says, I'm struggling with anxiety and I've just been... This week has been so hard and I just... I can't sleep and I just... I can't... My mind is racing all the time and you just said, no! That's enough.

Just believe the gospel. Can't you trust in Jesus? Are you running to control idolatry? No! What are you doing? Give me your phone!

Which, I don't know why the hammer brings the phone every time. But... But it's like that doesn't help, y'all. A soft answer turns away wrath. It's to be mindful. Your tone matters.

How you speak, it matters. Proverbs 12, 18 says, There's one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Rash words are words that are spoken without consideration. They're rash. They're spoken very quickly. Ray Ortlund, a pastor in Tennessee, says, words do not even have to be intentional to be deadly.

They can be careless. Your careless words can cause pain to others. Your rash words when they're not spoken with consideration and care, when you're not mindful of this, it hurts. I mean, words are cutting. I mean, in a positive way, the word of God is compared to a sword, right? Hebrews 4, 12, the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword.

Right? Piercing division of soul and spirit of bone and mirror. In Revelation, the sword that comes out of Jesus' mouth, it's the word of God. It's sharp. It's cutting. But it's done it precisely.

But a lot of times we wield it like a shiv. And it's just, our words, we're just rash and we're just absolutely maiming each other by how we speak. I mean, that is online, right? It's just one shiv after the next. No, we need to be mindful of how we speak. When I was in college, one of my buddies, we were at an FCA meeting and the guy who was teaching, to call it a train wreck, was polite.

It was the worst teaching I'd ever heard. He basically was doing, he was doing therapy in front of everybody and it was a mess. And my buddy just stood up and just started correcting him in the middle of his teaching. And I just was like, I don't know if that's the best play. I still don't know if that's the best play. But I got a hold of him afterwards and I came down so hard on him.

I was so harsh. And I had another friend who was sitting there watching it. And I just was, man, I just went hard after him. And my buddy took me aside later and said, dude, that's too much. And he was capturing this right here. It was rash.

It wasn't considerate. The tone was off. Sometimes we bring the hammer down and we'll excuse it as that's just the way I am. I'm blunt. I'm just being honest. I'm just being real.

And it's like, no, you're just being foolish. You're wielding a hammer as opposed to being mindful in the way that you speak. If you want a proverb on this, Proverbs 29, 11 says, a fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds back. So, this is incredibly important for us to believe. Because in our culture, venting is socially acceptable. And it's not even socially acceptable.

It's encouraged. Therapists will encourage people to vent. And it's like, no. No, a fool gives full vent to his spirit. Right? Like, for you to just go off and talk to somebody and say, I need to vent.

I just need a few minutes. And you absolutely just unload on somebody. That's foolishness. And that's sin, you guys. You know how you're supposed to vent? To the Lord.

Read the Proverbs. The Psalms. The Psalms, over and over again, is this venting to the Lord. It's David working out his emotions. The Psalmist working out their fears and their anxieties. You need to first, when you are upset, go to the Lord in prayer.

Humble yourself before the Lord. And pour out your heart to them. And if you need counsel from somebody else, and as a person who is an external processor, external processors are people that process their thoughts out loud with somebody else. You give me a whiteboard and a couple of people and I can start to really work out my thoughts. I get it. Sometimes you won't counsel.

But I would encourage you to actually go to the Lord first and then with restraint and with self-control, which is what's being conveyed here, then you can seek counsel. But even before that, after you've gotten the Lord, and I really skipped a step, after you've actually talked to the person who's harmed you, who's hurt you. And if you need counsel, bring somebody in. But man, this idea that we can just vent our emotions, vent our... The Bible does not support them. It is not on board with that.

All right, so... What is the very blunt counsel to those who embody the hammer? It is to be mindful and considerate of your words. It is to act like a... To speak like a surgeon. It is to be precise.

It is to be considerate. It is to be mindful. As Galatians 6.1 teaches, it is to be kind and gentle. Galatians 6.1 says, Brothers, if any of you is caught in transgression, you who are spiritual should restore them in a spirit of gentleness. The idea is that you would be gentle and kind in your speech. Not someone who is consistently harming those around them and excusing it because, well, it's just the way I am.

No. That's foolishness. That's the hammer. All right. Last category of destructive speech is the whisperer. The whisperer.

Vince Foster was the deputy White House counsel for the first six months of the Clinton administration. And then he committed suicide. And in his resignation slash suicide letter, he said, Here, talking about D.C., Here, ruining people is considered sport. That's D.C. Right? I mean, it is an evil and wicked place when it comes to speech.

Slander. Gossip. Whispering. People seem to enjoy tearing others apart in that town. But that's not the only place.

No. I mean, you just got to be in middle school and live life after middle school to know that the whisperer, this kind of destructive speech, this category, runs throughout the rest of your life. Proverbs 16, 27 to 28. This is a worthless man plots evil and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. There are those who are bent on destroying others with their tongues.

Right? It's like a spark that lights a forest fire. That's here, but it's also in James 3. That the way you speak can cause massive amounts of damage. It says that a dishonest man spreads strife, which we'll talk about integrity in the Proverbs at a later date, but that is a major category of harmful speech. We'll cover that later.

But it spreads hurt and pain and a whisperer separates close friends. And the picture of a whisperer, it's pretty, if you just even picture it, it's easy to see, right? If you've ever been at a coffee shop where two people are talking very loudly, they're just catching up, and then all of a sudden they get real quiet and they just start whispering. They say, well, so and so, I heard they did this. Oh, you won't believe what I heard. It's the literal picture of those who would whisper, those who would gossip, those who would slander those around them.

That's the picture that's happening here. Proverbs 17, 9, says whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. You hurt others when you repeat matters that you've heard, when you gossip, or when someone even hurts you, and you're not willing to go and talk to them first. You're not willing to let love cover a multitude of offenses. And you repeat the matter to someone else, and it gets repeated to someone else. It can divide friendships.

Y'all, it takes years to build friendships. Really solid friendships. It takes years of trust to build friendships. It only takes a few sentences to undermine all of it. You need to be mindful of this, of how whispering tears people apart. A few years ago, when I was representing some clients in real estate, and I don't make all kinds of mistakes in real estate, but I've made a few.

And I was representing some clients a while back. They were not the most fun people to represent. And they were really frustrated me. And I reached out to my mom, who was my partner at the time, and I was just like, goodness gracious, these people are driving me nuts. And I sent it. And I went back and looked at my phone, and I texted them.

A fool gets what he deserves. If you've got a problem with them, talk to them first. Don't talk about them. Man, man, and we ended up finding them a house that ain't repeat clients. I don't blame them. Because that's foolishness.

If you're the kind of person that's always checking your text message, make sure you don't text the wrong person. If that's you, you might be someone who whispers. You might fall into this category. The words, Proverbs 18, 8, the words of a whisper are like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body. There's an episode of The Office, which is a comedy TV show.

We use him a lot, Michael Scott, the boss from The Office, because he is a fool. He's the embodiment of it. So he shows up a lot, especially in the Proverbs. You'll probably see him again. But there's this episode in The Office.

It's called The Gossip Episode. And Michael Scott is mad because he isn't in on The Office gossip. He finds the last one to find out about somebody having a relationship. And he's mad about it. But then he stumbles upon some gossip.

He finds out one of his employees is having an affair. And it's painful. And some of y'all know this. It's cringeworthy to watch sometimes. Because he jumps from cubicle to cubicle, all excited, skipping around, spreading this gossip. And you're watching, cringing, because it's like, what a fool!

He's about to absolutely upend this guy's life, which he does. And you watch that, and you're like, how foolish is that? And yet we do this. We like to be a part of the inside discussion. We like to hear things by other people. The entire industry is built on gossip.

You know why? Because we consume it. We like it. It goes down like delicious morsels, but it goes into the inner parts of our body and it corrupts us to our core. Gossip, whispering, it destroys us and others. Proverbs 25, 9-10 says, Argue your case with your neighbor himself and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you and your ill repute have no end.

Talking about others and not to them. It destroys relationships. And ultimately, when it gets back around to you, you look like a fool. So it's pretty self-explanatory. Don't talk about others. Go and talk to them.

Otherwise, you run the risk of bringing shame upon yourself and wrecking others. I'm going to give you another proverb. Proverbs 26, 20-21. For lack of wood, the fire goes out. And where there is no whisper, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

I've been a part of churches and ministries long enough to know that for the person that is a whisper, for the person that loves drama, for the person that stirs up things, when they finally leave or when they are removed, quarreling ceases. Fighting ceases. It's terrible. You ever been whispered about? You ever felt that? It makes you question reality.

It makes you question who you can trust. It's painful. It's very divisive and it's very harmful. And the Proverbs is very harsh in its language towards it. As it should be. So, what is the blunt counsel for the whisperer?

I want to take a moment and I want to read from our membership commitment. We have 14 different membership commitments. When you commit to be a member of our church, this is one of them. I expect relational difficulty as I seek genuine relationships with other sinners saved by grace. And we tell people, listen, you are about to commit to life together with a church family full of sinners. You're going to get harmed.

If you're going to be a part of a group, you're going to get sinned against. I tell people all the time, I'm going to sin against you. It's going to happen. Expect relational conflict. Expect it. Expect difficulty.

It's going to happen. But, but we'll actively fight against gossip, drama, bitterness, and relational weirdness. That is our catch-all category for it. I mean, you know it when you see it. You know it when you feel it. When there's relational weirdness between you and somebody else and you're kind of not talking and it's awkward around, we actively combat against this.

And it says, I will work towards reconciliation in all conflict, seeking always to live at peace with others and the Middle City Church family. We take this very seriously in our church because harmful speech like this hurts people. Y'all, entire churches, you've heard stories. If you've been around churches, you know it. They, they, they divide all the time. Baptist churches are very well known for it.

Someone says, like mitosis, man, they divide and ultimately they end up growing stronger later on. But it's so painful to watch. Dividing over the color of the carpet. Dividing over two families that fought. Dividing over two people that went head to head and ultimately there's factions that joined in because there was whispering, because there was gossip, because there was slandering. The scripture has forceful language against this and so do we.

We don't want our church, we don't want our groups to ever be a safe place for this type of destructive speech. We don't leave any room for it. We don't want it. Someone in your group says to you, I probably shouldn't share this with you. You need to say, then don't. Don't.

If you feel like it's gossip, if you're going to slander somebody, then don't. One of the things that we say regularly is when somebody gets hurt or somebody, someone says something that hurt them and they come to us and they talk to us, our go-to phrase is, okay, well, what do they say when you talk to them? The expectation is that you've already talked to them and if you haven't, we want you to go and talk to them first, not about them, talk to them. Have you ever been in a, hopefully not in a group, but I know it does happen, in a group or in your office or whatever and all of a sudden everyone's piling on somebody else?

Man, that Mike guy is the worst. Mike is so obnoxious. He's so annoying. Mike this, Mike that. We want you to be the person that says, you know what I actually like, Mike? This is what I actually appreciate about him.

You do that, you'll make it awkward immediately because you'll say this is not a safe place to be able to talk about somebody else like this. And I don't ever want our groups to be a place where you would talk about somebody else in your church family in a way that would be harmful and hateful and cruel and mean. No, we want to be those who build one another up, not those who tear each other apart. It takes two people to split a church. One to talk one to let them talk. And I'll just give one more piece of counsel on this as it specifically applies to online.

We have to be Christians. We have to be more discerning. We cannot be the kind of Christians that engage in this type of whispering online, this type of destructive speech online, this type of slandering online. When you share a false story online, there is somebody else on the other end of that. We feel like we are so disconnected online that it doesn't really matter what you post. It does.

People have committed suicide because they have been slandered online and everyone mounts on them and shames on them. And then the words you share online, the way you post online, the things you share online, it matters. We of all people should understand that because the Proverbs teaches about it. We of all people should understand that we are called to be salt and light in a culture that is so jacked up in darkness when it comes to how people speak. We should stand out and we should be different. Alright, so, that's a whole lot.

And I understand that's a lot. I understand that's a whole lot of difficult Proverbs, a whole lot of difficult teaching to receive. And it's very corrective. I want to give you one more difficult Proverbs that makes this even harder. Proverbs 10, 18 says, The one who conceals hatred has lying lips and whoever utters slander is a fool. And when you read that, you go, Wait, what?

It says, Whoever conceals hatred has lying lips. It's like, Wait, you mean if you concealed the hatred in your heart, if you concealed how mad you are at somebody, you're a hypocrite? But then if you go and talk about it, you're a slander, you're a fool? That's a catch, that's a no-win situation. What are you talking about? How does that even work?

What are you supposed to do with that? And when you finally come to that conclusion, you understand how hard this is. And ultimately, you understand that wisdom in and of itself is not enough. That wisdom, while good, and wisdom, while we want you to pursue it wholeheartedly, and the way that you speak, it is not enough. Because ultimately, your tongue is not the problem. It is your heart.

It's our hearts. That's ultimately what is wrong here. That's what Jesus captured when he taught in Matthew 15, which we read earlier. It's what he says in Luke 6, 45, out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. That our hearts are connected to our mouths. And the problem, ultimately, is our hearts.

And you can apply all the wisdom strategies in the world. You can go and write these down. You can tattoo, babbler, hammer, whisper, and say, I'm not going to be these things. You can try to remind yourself not to do this, and there will be moments of weakness where you're tired, where you're weary, where you stumble, where you say something to your kids that causes harm for years, where you say something to a friend that changes the very makeup of your friendship, where you hurt somebody in your group in a way that makes them not want to come back. The reality is is that it's not the tongue and it's not the striving for wisdom that ultimately is going to save us from this, save us from destruction.

We need more than wise counsel. We need a cure. And that cure is Christ. We need wholeheartedly to believe in the gospel, to believe that the finished work of Jesus, that His blood was shed for us, that He conquered death in the grave, so that we wouldn't become people who have better strategies for wisdom, so that we'd be people that have our hearts exchanged for new hearts. As Ezekiel 36 says, that we have a heart of stone that we'd be exchanged for a heart of flesh. The reality is is that some of you have spent your entire lives speaking destructively, harming those around you.

And you can try to take these to heart, and you can try to apply these all the more, but some of you have never trusted in the finished work of Christ. And if you try to do this, it's just a bunch of good works that you try to follow that you have no shot at actually accomplishing, because you've never trusted in the finished work of Christ on your behalf. You've never believed Jesus died in your place. You've never admitted your sin, that you are destructive in the way that you speak, and that you need a Savior to die in your place. You need the one who spoke perfectly. You need His righteousness and not your own.

And my hope this morning is that some of you would trust in Christ, and that you would have a heart of flesh. Some of you have hardened your hearts. You're following Jesus, but when you look at these categories, I mean, if you're honest, it's like, I'm a babbler. I talk way too much, and I hurt others all the time because I talk way too much. Some of you are hammers. I mean, you've excused it your entire lives.

It's just me. It's just my personality. And you cause blunt force trauma to everyone around you because you don't consider your words, and it hurts people. Sticks and stones may break my bones is a lie. That is such a farce that you've brought the hammer on others in how you speak. Some of you have engaged in whispers and are whispers, and you're consistently sharing things you should not share and dividing community groups and dividing people, and you've hardened your heart because you're like, it's not that big of a deal, and I want to plead with you from the Scriptures.

It absolutely is. It is rotting your soul, and it's harming those around you. My hope is that we would respond in repentance. We need the heart of our Savior. We need our hearts to be cured. And my hope is is that in our repentance with changed hearts, we would be master builders of those around us.

Like, who wants that? Who wants that picture to be someone who builds those up around them? Who wants to be the kind of person that's like a surgeon that heals those around them? That's like a fountain of life in this arid, toxic desert that is our culture. How many of us want changed hearts, that we want to strive for this, that we would grow daily into the image of Christ, conforming to His image in the way that we speak, that we might build others up and repent of tearing those around us down? That's the hope that the Proverbs gives us.

That's the hope that the Gospel gives us. And my hope is that we respond in faith and repentance today. The band is going to come up, and I want us to sit in that for a moment. I want us to be honest with ourselves. I want you to think about how you speak to your spouse, how you speak to your roommates, how you talk to people at your work, how you talk to people in your group. I want you to think about what you post online.

I want you to think about all the areas of your life where your speech and the ways that you communicate have harmed others. And then as you think about this and the destructive nature of your tongue, I want you to quickly run to the cross. And I want you to see that the finished work of our Savior on the cross was for your sin, it was for your rebellion, it was for your corrupted tongue. That ultimately, there's forgiveness and there's grace. Yes, you have destroyed others. Yes, you have failed miserably in your speech.

But the good news of the Gospel is that Jesus dies for sinners like you and me. And that in our repentance, He receives us and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we get to change. That is offered out before you today, the choice is yours. And my hope is that you would take it. My hope is that you would go to your groups this week and you would be honest and open. My hope is that you would have phone calls with people this week where you would confess sin and you would ask for forgiveness.

My hope is that Jesus would conform our church into a beacon of light, into a fountain in the wilderness of our culture. Let me pray. Lord, we love you and we thank you. The Proverbs has been beating our souls up. It has been beating mine up as well. And I just pray that you would help me and those in this room receive grace.

I pray if there's anyone here that has not trusted in you that they would absolutely be convicted of their sin and they would place faith in you. and I pray that we would grow as Christians to be the kind of people that embody the hearts and the tongues that you desire. We ask Jesus, in the name of you. Amen.