Wisdom and Righteousness

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Good morning. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Grab your Bibles. Go to Proverbs chapter 1. We have spent our summer in the Proverbs the past couple of months working through it.

We've made it all the way to chapter 1. And Proverbs is a collection of wisdom sayings, and so we've approached it differently than when we usually work through a book of the Bible. Usually, you know, the book of the Bible progresses intentionally. Proverbs has some stuff that kind of anchors it at the beginning, some stuff that anchors it at the end. But we've walked through kind of topically addressing some of the ideas that Proverbs addresses over and over.

And so today we're going to finish up our series in the book of Proverbs talking about righteousness. So at the beginning of Proverbs, we read this section in chapter 1, and we said that some of what the Proverbs is getting at is that it wants us to grow in wisdom and that it's going to teach us how to be wise, that it's going to develop us in wisdom. And as we read through it, we got to Proverbs 1-7 that says this, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Fools despise wisdom and instruction. And so the beginning of growing in wisdom is that we would actually fear the Lord, that we would trust Him.

In some ways, God's coming and saying, This is how to live in the world to enjoy the world I created. In some ways, it's like unboxing a board game, and then you get the instructions out and you read, How do I play this board game? You don't unbox it and go, Instructions are for losers and throw those away and then say, Let's do this. And so what He's doing is He's saying, I created the world. Let me give you wisdom on how to live in it and live in it well. And so He says some things we don't necessarily agree with, and so that's where we begin with the fear of the Lord.

That we trust Him. That we want to honor Him and obey Him and that we want to follow Him. And so that when He tells us how to live and to live well, we listen. That's the beginning of wisdom. But if the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and we follow through and listen to wisdom, the end of wisdom is righteousness.

It says that in chapter 1. It says that twice in chapter 2. I want to show you Proverbs 2.9. It says basically if you listen, then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity and every good path. Or Proverbs 2.20, it's saying again, if you listen, it says, So that you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous. That if we follow wisdom, we walk in righteousness.

If you go to the school of wisdom, you graduate with a degree in righteousness. If wisdom is your sensei, you get a black belt in righteousness. Now, that's how that works. And so that as we've talked through all the things we've talked through over the course of the summer, which has been a good bit. We've talked about parenting, manhood, womanhood, friendship, words, anger, money, work, decision making, sexual purity, lying. If you're like me, as I read through that list, you had a little PTSD because some of those weeks weren't that fun.

We've walked through these things and we've said this is what wisdom looks like. We could have also just said this is what righteousness looks like. This is how to live rightly in God's world. But as we finish up the book of Proverbs, we want to develop our understanding of righteousness a little better. So that we can really appreciate and kind of understand what it's calling us to.

Because the reality is we have kind of a natural draw, a desire for wisdom that I think is a little distinct from our desire for righteousness. Here's what I mean. If we said, hey, would you like wisdom? You'd say, yes. I'd love wisdom. I'd love to be wise.

And if we came and said, hey, would you like righteousness? You'd be like, sure. I guess. What do you mean? Where? How much?

Like, what are we talking about? What do you mean by righteousness? How's that going to affect my life? There's this general, it's a little bit like chivalry sometimes the way we use the word righteousness. You kind of know what it means. And you know that people used to care about it a lot.

But you're not sure how it affects you. And y'all know that since I'm a pastor, I'm supposed to care about it and talk about it. But I'm not even sure I'm doing it right because I'm a Baptist pastor in the South. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to pronounce it like righteousness. You really got to grab the word and break all the syllables out of it. You know, you got to shake them out to get to really talking about it the way you're supposed to.

There's this general sense of like, what do we mean by righteousness? What? How does that benefit me? And in some ways, what God is doing when he teaches us wisdom, he's calling us into righteousness. And it's not that Toto ran around and pulled the curtain back for us. But that God himself is pulling the curtain back and saying, do y'all want what's good in life?

Do y'all want to see how I designed this? Do you want to have joy? Do you want to have hope? Do you want to have security? Do you want to have things work out well for you? Then come follow me in wisdom and righteousness.

It makes things better. Wickedness usually works well short term. Makes things easier quickly. Righteousness, we're told, often makes things more difficult at first, but then ultimately leads us to life and betterness. And that's what he's saying. The other thing is I think we have a vague picture of righteousness that affects us.

We don't have as clear a picture as we should. But my wife and I, when we first got married, we started watching through the Band of Brothers, which is a TV show. We had borrowed a DVD box set from my brother because that's how you used to watch things if you were going to watch them. You often bought box sets. It used to be VHSs. We had DVDs because they were moving up in the world.

And so we were watching this DVD box set of the Band of Brothers, and we were thoroughly enjoying it. And it worked really well for us for the first couple of episodes until they went to war. And when they went to war, we ceased to be able to watch. Not because it was too violent, but because my wife could no longer follow the story. Because they were all wearing the same uniform. They all had on helmets.

All of their faces were dirty. And she could no longer tell who was who. She was using other clues to know. Haircuts. Hair color. But like we would have these discussions all the time where she would go, wait a second, wait a second.

Why did he just kill his best friend? I'm like, who killed? What are you talking about? Who's best friend? His best friend. He just killed him.

They were best friends. I was like, wait, wait, the guy that just died? She's like, yeah. This is a legit conversation we had. I said, he was a German soldier. We just met that guy.

She was like, no, that's the guy from... I was like, no, it's not. She would get surprised because people would come back from the dead. She'd be like, I thought that guy died. I'd be like, what guy? She'd be like, that guy.

I'm like, that guy just showed up. It was tearing our young family apart. So we just had to give up on it. We watched the Marvel movies work really well for us because Captain America and Iron Man don't look anything alike. It's easy to keep up with. And so whatever she uses to categorize people, it apparently isn't like nuanced faces.

Which I'd like to think I was handsome, but I married a person who doesn't even notice faces, so I don't know. But she had a general picture of each person and then when they became too similar. And I think in some ways that's the way we are with righteousness. If someone asked you to define righteousness, you'd be like, you know, doing right. And if they pressed you, you'd eventually kind of usually flip it to just saying negative statements. And not negative like righteousness is bad, but we define it by what righteousness doesn't do.

Well, you know, you don't lie and you don't pursue like sexual sin. You don't sleep around and you don't, you know, like cuss or chew tobacco. I don't know. There's a lot of things you don't do and that makes you righteous. And if that's your only definition, some of you own old dogs that would make excellent Christians. Because they don't do anything.

But righteousness has to be more robust than that. What God's calling us to has to be a bigger picture. And when he calls us into wisdom and he calls us into righteousness, we need to have a better definition. And so that's the hope this morning is that we would have a more full definition of righteousness. And the first thing I want us to see as Proverbs paints this picture up for us is that righteousness has a social aspect. That it is not simply personal morality.

That is a part of righteousness, but it's not simply personal morality. Let's look at Proverbs 11, 10. Proverbs 29, 10. To benefit those around them. It is not simply that they're personally going to do what is right, but there's some benefit to being surrounded by, being led by, being cared for by the righteous. That if you are righteous, it's not just a benefit to you personally as you relate to the Lord.

It is that it begins with a fear of the Lord, but that in some ways God then commissions us in righteousness to be his agents in the world to make the world better through righteousness. Through doing what is right. Not simply not doing what is wrong. Now the wicked do what's wrong and they harm others, but the righteous do what is right and they benefit others. Bruce Waltke, who we've used his commentary. Goodness, that word just ran out of my head.

Commentary on the Proverbs throughout this series says this. He says, That's a helpful, memorable way to understand how righteousness and unrighteousness work. How wickedness and righteousness work. That righteousness will disadvantage, the righteous will disadvantage themselves to advantage those around them. To make things better for those around them. That they'll go out of their way.

They'll take up their time. They'll take up their money. Their energy will be spent at their own expense to benefit others. And the wicked do the exact opposite. They're trying to figure out how they can get out of others to benefit themselves. That's a really good, simple test for am I living righteously in my relationships?

Am I trying to advantage myself out of this relationship? Is it about what I get out of it? Or am I disadvantaging myself for the sake of my roommate? For the sake of my friends? For the sake of my spouse? One of the only places we do this very easily and clearly and have some of the most joy and some of the best relationships is with children.

Parents to children naturally do this because you just have to disadvantage yourself for the sake of your children. And you'll notice that you really love your children. You've been around parents and they adore their children. And their children are the worst. You've seen their children and you're like, what? But that's because they've set themselves to act righteously in that relationship.

Where they are disadvantaging themselves for the advantage of the others. And the truth is we can have joy and righteousness in all relationships if we'll approach it that way. So that's why it says, when the righteous increase, the people rejoice. But when the wicked rule, the people groan. I want to show you a couple places that it shows up. Proverbs 12, 26.

One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor. But the way of the wicked leads them astray. So that by righteousness, those who are around you benefit. That if you work with righteous people, it's not just that they show up and do what they're supposed to. They do. But they make the whole place better.

All the people around them benefit. They help others. They give extra time to work on projects that aren't theirs. They stay late to help fix things that they didn't cause. They disadvantage themselves for the advantage of others. That's righteousness at work.

That if you live in a neighborhood with righteous people, it's not just that they tend to their own stuff and they mind their own business. They do. But they also help tend to the things around them. They keep an eye on things. They care for other people. That's righteousness at work.

Proverbs 29, 7 says, A righteous man knows the rights of the poor. A wicked man does not understand such knowledge. The poor, as a whole class, aren't much benefit to anyone. The only way historically people have benefited from the poor was to enslave them. To take away what they had and use it for their own gain. But it says, The righteous knows that what makes you valuable isn't what you offer.

It's not how I can take advantage of you. That's not where value comes. That you have rights intrinsically. And the righteous understand that, but the wicked don't. So the righteous care about those that are around them.

Care about those that can't pay for things. Care about those who can't get along on their own. Care about those who are weak and who are poor and who are in trouble. One of the ways to understand if we are righteous as an individual or as a church is, Do we care about the poor? Do we care about those who are hurting around us? Or is it just, If you can carry your own weight, great, you're welcome.

And if you can't, Sorry. It's one way to understand the righteousness of your group. Is does your group rally around those who are hurting and disadvantage themselves for their sake to help them? Or do they just get overwhelmed by them and burdened by them and bothered with them? It's not just the poor. It says this, Proverbs 12, 10, Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, But the mercy of the wicked is cruel.

That the righteous are a benefit to everything that's around them. They care for their animals. They tend to their animals. They love their animals, even if they don't like their animals. One of the tests of righteousness is how do you respond when you are the one in power? How do you respond when you're the one in control of the situation?

How do you respond? Not when you're an employee, but when you're a boss. When you're the supervisor. When you're the older sibling. How do you respond in the situations in your marriage and in your friendships and in your roommate situations where you're the one who has the most control and the most say? Does your strength benefit those that are below you?

Does your wisdom benefit those that are unwise? Does your money benefit those that don't have money? That's righteousness. That it's not simply I behave and don't do the things I'm supposed to don't do. But it's actually that we're at work as agents of the Lord to benefit those around us.

So the righteous benefit and care for those that they have the opportunity to care for. The option to care for they do. The other thing that the righteous do is they oppose wickedness. Proverbs 12, 6. It says the words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the mouth of the upright delivers them. Proverbs 20, 26.

A wise king winnows the wicked and drives the wheel over them. That wisdom and righteousness at work oppose wickedness. And it's difficult to oppose wickedness. Proverbs 24, 24 and 25 says, Whoever says to the wicked you are in the right will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations. But those who rebuke the wicked will have delight and a good blessing will come upon them.

But so often the wicked are very difficult to deal with. They're problematic. They cause drama. They lie. It's often much more easy to appease the wicked than it is to stand up to the wicked. It's often much more easy to convince the other nice people around you to help you appease the wicked rather than to stand up to the wicked.

I was reading recently a story of a husband and wife. They were getting a divorce and the husband had basically led the family into this through a lot of rebellion and sin. And then as they were going through the divorce, the husband was doing absolutely everything he could to destroy the wife. Borrowed heavily against their house. Quit making payments on the house. Eventually locked her out of the house.

Took all the kids' toys away. Locked them up. Lied to the kids about the mom. Was trying to get her saddled with a lot of debt. Was just, I mean, at every turn was doing everything he possibly could to cause problems. And the wife has a lawyer.

The wife has a therapist. The kids have a therapist. They're working through all this. And the guy who was one of the therapists in this situation said that as he was dealing with the wife later on, he began to realize that everybody around her, although they knew the husband was wrong, was telling her, why don't you just meet him halfway? Why don't we just, like, let's just try to work this out with him. The banks, the police, the lawyers, the people who were dealing with the therapy for the children were saying, well, look, can't we just, and the reason was she was easier to deal with than he was.

And eventually, the guy who's writing this book said he asked one of the people, why didn't you say all this about how he'd handled the children? And they said, look, frankly, I just didn't want to have to deal with it. I didn't want him attacking me. And the truth is, isn't that how it works? You have someone in your family who causes problems, and it's just much easier to tell everybody else in the family, can't y'all just deal with it rather than us standing up to this person? You got someone at work that causes problems.

You got a boss, a supervisor, and it's like, isn't it easier to just do what they ask? Can't we all just, let's just bear with it rather than standing up to them? The reality is the righteous step in at great cost to themselves to defend the weak. Most people who stand up to bullies end up with a bloody nose. That's just how it works. And there are times where you, in the midst of righteousness, should end up not getting a promotion because you stood up to somebody for the sake of others, not just for your own name and your own pride, and I'm going to make sure I look awesome.

That's not what this is talking about. But that you did some work that took some backbone to stand in righteousness, to defend and to care, and it's hard to do. So the righteous care for those around them, they benefit those around them, they defend those around them, and they care for the long-term souls of those around them. Proverbs 11, 30. The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life. Whoever captures souls is wise.

Now the tree of life, in the scriptures, is the tree that gives eternal life. And so then it says capturing souls, and what this is saying is that the righteous help others live eternally. It keeps going. It says again in Proverbs 24, 10 through 12, it says, If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. Rescue those who are being taken away to death. Hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.

If you say, Behold, we did not know this. Does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it? And will he not repay man according to his work? Part of what the righteous does is that they step in in the day of adversity and take on some difficulty for the sake of carrying and defending. Now, that proverb includes things like World War II.

To step in in the day of adversity to help those who are being carried to the slaughter. But for us, who have been sent with a mission to see people redeemed from hell and wrath because of their unrepentant sin, it also includes your co-workers that work the night shift with you who are stumbling to the slaughter and that later we can't say, well, I didn't really know that we were meant to care for their souls. That includes those that live in your neighborhood. That it includes those that go to class with you. That it includes those in your community group who are choosing sin currently over loving Jesus.

And it's so much easier to just say, well, let's love them. Let's be nice to them. Let's hope they figure that out rather than to sit them down and say, you are wrong and you're headed in the wrong direction and we love you enough to oppose you because you're stumbling to the slaughter. As the chorus of America says, if you say anything to correct them, you don't love them. We have to fear the Lord and trust His wisdom and stand in the way even though it's difficult and it costs us. As the chorus of America sings that you should mind your own business and not try to convert people and not try to get in their way to talk to them about the Lord and not harass people and not do any of these things that they're going to add these labels to and that somehow we're oppressing people by helping them submit to Jesus.

And we'd say, I don't care. I can't let people stumble to the slaughter. I can't stand before the Lord later and say, I didn't know because I knew. I knew. It says, does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it and will he not repay man according to his word? Now, as the Proverbs paints up for us and fills in for us what righteousness looks like and as we've done this this whole time being called into wisdom and as we've been called into wisdom been called into repentance and righteousness.

I don't know about you but it turns out I'm a sinner. Some of these weeks were very difficult. There were weeks where in preparation I had to repent before I could get up here and even say these things. I had to continue repenting afterwards. We talked about parenting. Manhood and womanhood.

Friendship. Words. The rejection of correction and the pursuit of foolishness. We talked about anger. Money. Work.

Decision making. Sexual purity. And honesty. And we've looked further today at what righteousness looks like and I'm inclined to say I don't think I'm righteous. And maybe that's what you're thinking. I may not be righteous.

I don't know if I'm doing this. Honestly, when righteousness was just don't do bad things I didn't even do that. I just picked some of the bad things I didn't do and tried to act like those were the most important. But as soon as it becomes I've got to defend people and I've got to care for those around me and every time I'm in a position of power I'm supposed to use it to defend and care for those who are disadvantaged around me. I'm supposed to be disadvantaged to advantage them. I don't know if I'm righteous.

And if that's you and if that's been you throughout this series that you've consistently come face to face with your own foolishness and sin I'll have something that might make you feel a little better. The New Testament also talks about this. Romans 3 says this. Next one. As it is written none is righteous no not one. You're not righteous but at least you were right about not being righteous.

That make you feel better? You're not big capital R right but you were right about this. Thank goodness for small victories. that the reality is as we come face to face with our sin we aren't righteous. And so then you go okay hold on a second what's it say next? Because our general tendency is okay then I better get it together. I better get to work.

Some of us as we've come through this series that some of your response is okay I'm going to get to work I'm going to do this better I've been bad at it but I'm going to do better I just need more of me and the problem is as you found that as you pressed into I need more of me is that the problem was you so more of you makes it more better. So this is what it says next. It doesn't say get to work. It says this Romans 3 20 is 10 verses later it says for by works of the law no human being will be justified justified in his sight to be justified means to be made right. No human being will be righteous in his sight since through the law comes knowledge of sin.

So we've seen more of what he wants from us and what did we see? More of where we sin. Through the law comes knowledge of sin the more we've seen what he desires of us the more we've seen oh I didn't realize that was a category look at that it's like at the end if you started school and then at the end of the semester when they gave out grades there were a couple classes you didn't realize you were supposed to be taking so you have F's in them. That's what this feels like sometimes you're reading the Bible and you're like oh look at that I'm failing at other things I didn't even realize that was a class I was supposed to be in.

That's what this feels like sometimes you're reading the Bible and you're like oh look at that I'm failing at other things I didn't even realize that was a class I was supposed to be in. For some of us that's a nightmare. You have a recurring one of those where you realize it's the end of the semester and you didn't realize you were in that class and sometimes that's what the Bible's like it's like oh I didn't even realize that was a thing. But by works of the law no one is made righteous

Which means that you cannot leave here and go okay I'm going to get bigger I'm going to get better I'm going to get stronger I'm going to do this I'm going to find out give me the rules I'll do them. The reality is what you will find is that maybe you can keep that going for a while but what it ends up doing is leading you into further sin and further seeing your sin or that becomes so unbearable you cease to be able to see your sin and you begin

To convince yourself you're fine and you begin to promote your own self-righteousness which is not the righteousness of God so how do we become righteous well the New Testament has more to say than just this we become righteous through Jesus Christ the righteous who actually perfectly embodies righteousness he fears the Lord and submits to his Father and comes sent by him he says this multiple times that I do the will

Of the Father a thing that we're incapable of doing at least consistently and perfectly that he has perfect personal morality that he's tempted in every way that we are but he's without sin that he does not sin that he does not pursue sin that he was a blessing to those who were around him and every time he came into contact with someone who needed something from him who was downhill from him

He blessed and cared for and worked in that he opposes the wicked personally in his day to the point of them killing him and ultimately eternally to the point of facing off with Satan sin and hell taking the keys from death and ultimately crushing death through the power of the resurrection so that he rules forever because he defends the weak

And opposes wickedness and that he has a day of wrath that is coming for the wicked and he cares about the souls of those on earth that he so cares about your soul and the fact that you're stumbling to the slaughter that he would come and not stumble to the slaughter but walk headlong into it that he would set his face towards Jerusalem so that his disciples

Would say come let's go die with him that he would ultimately be sacrificed brutally beaten murdered and die so that the unrighteous could be made righteous by the blood and the work and the resurrection of Christ the hope is not that the book of Proverbs would give you wisdom so that that's

All you'd need and you could walk out of here and get it together the hope is that the book of Proverbs would get you wisdom so that you would fall at the feet of the Lord in fear that he might rescue and redeem you so Galatians 2 says this yet we know that a person is not justified made righteous by works of the law

But through faith in Jesus Christ so we also have believed in Christ Jesus in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law because by works of the law no one will be justified you are not good enough Jesus is that's why it's good news there's a thing that we have the Baptists do they go to

Schools and they have a thing after school called the good news club it's not the good behavior club if it were Baptists wouldn't be allowed in it this isn't the good behavior club we don't gather on Sunday to grow in good behavior we gather to grow in good news and we gather at times

To see our sins so that we would more dearly love our Savior that we would have the wounds from a friend that would lead us to redemption and to joy and to hope and to worship that's why we raise our hand and sing that he redeemed us that he saved us that he rescued us I once was

Dead in sin alone and hopeless that's a weird thing to sing y'all y'all ready to sing something good I deserve to die I'm the worst yeah but then we get to the joy of a risen Savior who so loved us that he would die for us and do you want to know the primary thing that the Proverbs have to say about

Righteousness I want to show you two more passages in the New Testament and then I want us to see that it says 1 Corinthians 1 30 it says because of him you are in Christ who became to us wisdom from God the wisdom from God righteousness he became

To us righteousness and sanctification and redemption so that it is written let the one who boasts boast in the Lord that we would walk out of here today and people would say are you righteous and you wouldn't go yeah because I took the Proverbs class and I got it together you'd walk out of here and go yeah because Jesus is great let's go get some chicken and have some lunch

He's good I have hope that we ought to see our sin we ought to be broken of our sin and then we might turn to see that Jesus became for us wisdom and righteousness and sanctification which means he makes us good and redemption which means he gets rid of all of our old bad then he pulls us out of it and then we might boast in the Lord we would praise Jesus because he saves sinners

That we really can sing a song that's I'm the worst Jesus is great thank you Lord 2nd Corinthians 521 says for our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God Jesus Christ came to redeem you so that at the end of all eternity he might be praised not you so that as you try to get it together and you say what he really wants from me is to get it together so that I might stand in front of him later and have

Done this and that's to the praise of your own glory but he made him to be sin so that we might be made the righteousness of God through the work of Christ to the praise of his glorious grace and his name for all eternity you say well I'm a terrible sinner yes he's a glorious savior let's praise him for all eternity I shouldn't be in heaven no you shouldn't and that honors and glorifies Christ who can redeem a sinner like you so that he receives glory but do you want to know the primary thing that the

Proverbs has to say about the righteous says it 28 times the righteous endure the righteous make it to the end and in Christ that is fully forever true for you you can read the Proverbs it'll tell you 28 times if you've been made righteous by Christ you will not be lost you will not be crushed you will not be defeated not because you're good enough or you're strong enough but because Jesus is good enough and he's strong enough and you are in him if you climbed in a tank and then bulldozed through the city you wouldn't say look at how

Strong I am you would say look at how great this tank is and we have climbed in Christ and in his righteousness he bulldozes through everything and gets us to the end Proverbs 24 15 says lie not in weight as a wicked man against the dwelling of the righteous do not do no violence to his home for the righteous fall seven times and rises again but the wicked stumble in times of calamity you know the righteous have seven lives some of you are like I've fallen I'm in the middle of sin I'm broken I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this you can find anybody

In this church has been following Jesus for some time and they'll go yeah I was there in 1992 yeah I felt that in 2002 yeah I thought that last year but the righteous fall and rise again because Jesus fell and rose again and ultimately we will rise again Proverbs 10 25 when the tempest passes the wicked is no more but the righteous is established forever Proverbs 10 27 the fear of the Lord prolongs life but the years of the wicked will be short Proverbs 10 30 the righteous will never be removed but the wicked will not dwell in the land Proverbs 12 7 the wicked are overthrown and are no more but the house of the righteous will stand 28 times

The righteous will stand the righteous will make it the righteous will not fall the wicked will be destroyed and one day there will be a kingdom that belongs to the righteous those made righteous by Christ and we will stand forever to the glory of Christ may we grow in wisdom by loving Jesus and following him in righteousness and freedom now this wisdom is practical and it's helpful and the hope is that you would live a life of wisdom and righteousness in your relationships that you would live a life of wisdom and righteousness confessing your sexual sin confessing your anger confessing and repenting of lying that you would walk in wisdom and righteousness so that you might be a good agent of Christ on earth

Disadvantaging yourself to the advantage of others which he ultimately did fully and beautifully in the cross that we might be righteous people and we might be the type of free righteous people who do not have to be righteous on our own to be okay so that we are free and enjoy following Christ and at times mourning our sins so that we might more fully praise the Savior band's going to come back up and as we close the book of Proverbs the hope is that we would see our sin so that we would repent and be redeemed and be rescued that he would become to you wisdom and righteousness and sanctification and redemption and salvation and king do not leave thinking I'm good enough I'll be okay do not leave thinking well I'm not good enough but I can get there leave in Christ made good

Through his work to his glory for all eternity that you might stand with the unconquerable righteous redeemed of Christ because Christ is the unconquerable righteous king and you come to him by faith which means you ask him to save you you come to him by faith saying I trust that you did this and I trust that my hopes in you you come to him by faith not works the only reason you'd bring a resume was to show why you shouldn't be included so that he might take it and cover it by his grace to the praise of his glorious name we get to endure forever let's pray God I pray that nobody would leave here unrighteous because righteousness is given to those who hide in your name that nobody would leave here in their own strength that nobody would leave here trying to do better at the works of the law because by the works of the law no one will be made righteous we know that that will not redeem it will not save and Lord may we leave rejoicing as we see our sin may we rejoice not that we're sinners but that we have a savior who redeems and sanctifies and fixes and as we feel low and destroyed and like we have failed so many times over may we rejoice that the righteous fall and rise again because you're the king fell and rose again and with you we will rise again we ask all this in Jesus name amen

Wisdom and the Will (Proverbs 15:13-17)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Grab your Bibles and go to Proverbs chapter 15. I am very thankful today for our community groups and for people seeking to be missionaries in everyday life. I remember Eric came and said, hey, I'm inviting my friend Parker. I'm going to try to get him to come hang out with our church, hang out with our group.

I was like, is he a Christian? Is he not a Christian? He said, um, he thinks he's a Christian. I'm not so sure. Sweet. We'll see.

Let him come on. You know, we'll be glad to have him and be a part of things. And that's that's our hope. That's what we see so often. If you saw, he said they begin to pressure me to get into a group. It's the best harassment he's ever received in his entire life.

It was to come be around people, to come join us in life and to hopefully come be known and loved by us so that you can know and love Jesus and see that he knows you and loves you. And that's our hope. That's what we talk about all the time. That's one of the reasons why we don't have an overly complex schedule as a church. We want you to go be out in the world as a Christian who loves people, who loves Jesus. We want you to join after work social events so that you can help be a missionary.

We want you to be getting to know your neighbors and hosting barbecues and doing stuff with your group to be on mission so that we can see people come to know Christ. There are people that you know right now who don't know Jesus, but maybe one day we'll all get to gather and celebrate that they've placed their hope in Christ. Not that they've become a good person, but they've been made holy and blameless and above reproach through the work of Jesus. I can testify that Parker is holy and blameless and above reproach through Jesus and that he is personally not a very good person. Just like the rest of the people in our group that we're here, just like the rest of the people in our church that we're here only through the work of Jesus, not through our work.

So we're glad to be able to gather on Sundays to study the Bible together. We're going to be in chapter 15 in the book of Proverbs. We're going to look mostly at 13 through 17. There'll be like the rest of our time in the Proverbs. There'll be other verses that we look at, but this is kind of where we're going to spend most of our time this morning. I want to start by talking to y'all about reading a quote and talking to you a little bit about a guy named Viktor Frankl.

He was an Austrian Jew. He lived in Austria in the lead up to World War II. And in World War II, he got married and nine months later, he and his entire family were taken to a German concentration camp. He would spend the remainder of World War II in a German concentration camp. And he, his wife, his father, his mother, and his brother would all die at the hands of the Nazis in concentration camps. In Auschwitz, where he was for some of his time, they would wake up at 4.30 or 5.30 in the morning.

They would give them some tea or some imitation coffee. That's what they had for breakfast. Then they would work till the middle of the day. Then they would give them some sort of soup or stew. Then they would work again until 7 o'clock at night when they would be given a ration of some bread or some cheese.

Not nearly the amount of calorie intake they needed to work 11 hours a day. Most of the time when they brought in the trains, they would immediately take the females to gas chambers and put the rest to work. Most people there slowly starved. And he lived his time through that. When he was freed over a nine-day period, he wrote a book called The Man's Search for Meaning. And this is a quote from that book.

He says, Everything can be taken from a man but one thing. The last of the human freedoms. To choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. To choose one's own way. We're going to read another quote from that book later. But we're going to start there.

This idea that he shares and that the Proverbs agree with, which is that you have some control over your attitude. That you have some control over your internal disposition. That you have some control in how you respond to external circumstances. Now, at the simplest, kind of far inside of that, it really is just having a good attitude. Stuff that I tell my six-year-old. When he's upset about something.

I say, yeah, you can't control everything that happens to you. But you can control how you respond. You can control how you act. Well, I'm having a rough day. Yeah, sometimes we have rough days. But you can make it worse.

Or you can make it better. If you talk to your mama like that again, it's going to get worse. That we can choose through our actions and through our attitude how we're going to respond. That's the simplest form of it. Which I will tell you, you can do without Jesus. If you just do that, your life will be better.

It doesn't change your circumstances. But it will make those bad circumstances more bearable. So that's just, we're going to walk through that. That's the whole section of just wisdom. It's helpful. On the other side, when you go further into this, it actually becomes, you become internally unconquerable.

That it goes just from being able to kind of manage your own attitude to actually becoming internally unconquerable. And the reality is we'd all like to be there. So we're going to look at what the Proverbs have to say about this and hopefully grow in this together. So let's pray. God, we ask for help. So that we might capture some of this.

That we might believe some of this. That we might walk this out in light of what you have accomplished for us in the gospel. Our culture doesn't agree with this. And so we pray that you'd help us to listen well. Not as Westerners. As Americans or South Carolinians.

But that we would listen as people who belong to you. And whose story is much bigger and more eternal because of the work of Christ. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Proverbs 15, 13. A lot of times the Proverbs are just one idea.

This one seems like there's a couple of Proverbs in a row that are attacking the same idea. So we're going to work through a couple. But it says this, A glad heart makes a cheerful face. But by the sorrow of the heart, the spirit is crushed. Now at first glance, that's just kind of an obvious observation.

Thanks Solomon, you're so wise. What he said was, if you're happy inside, you'll smile. Wow. But if you're really sad inside, you're really sad inside. That's what it seems like. And so it's like, good.

You've taken this somewhere? Because that's how we're inclined to read this. But I want you to see something. Because even that statement right there is actually countercultural to what we believe. There's part of that statement that you actually, as a good American, don't agree with. So let me help you see it.

A glad heart makes a cheerful face. We're okay with that. Seems true. But by sorrow of heart, the spirit is crushed. You see, we actually are more inclined to think that the problems that we have are not internal but external. That it's actually not what's going on inside of me that crushes my spirit.

It's my parents. It's my job. It's my boss. It's my stepchildren. It's the amount of money I have in my bank account. It's the system.

It's the man. It's capitalism. It's those people who've snuck into our schools and who are indoctrinating our children. Those are the people who are the ones who are like that. We're inclined to think. That's why we read an advice article.

They never respond with, maybe you should change your attitude. They say, maybe you should change your spouse. Maybe you should change your job. Maybe you should change your financial situation. They don't ever respond with, maybe you should be a little tougher. Quit whining.

You're welcome. They don't do that. But there's a reality to this that it's our internal response. It's our internal spirit. That our internal heart, the way we think through the world that affects whether or not we're crushed or not. And there's just part of us that even now is going, yeah, is that really what that's saying?

I don't know if I agree with that. There's Proverbs 18, 14 says this. A man's spirit will endure sickness. But a crushed spirit who can bear. So again, this idea of what crushes the spirit.

Well, this doesn't really tell us, but we know it's not sickness. That sickness in and of itself can't crush a spirit. A spirit can endure sickness, can endure bad circumstances. That if we actually would just take sickness as an idea for bad things happening to us, that there's a reality to, we might can just face whatever comes our way. But if we're internally crushed, who can go on?

Let's keep reading. Proverbs 15, 14. The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge. But the mouths of fools feed on folly. So this is, as you have understanding, you continue to seek knowledge.

And fools just feed on folly. They continue to pursue foolishness. So if you're wise, you continue to pursue wisdom. If you're foolish, you continue to pursue foolishness. Verse 15. All the days of the afflicted are evil.

But the cheerful of heart has a continual feast. Now again, part of that, we're inclined to just think, yeah, that makes sense. All the days of the afflicted are evil. The affliction, I actually appreciate that word because it's so broad. That affliction can be sickness. Affliction can be your job.

That you can be afflicted with the attitude of another. That you can be afflicted, but it's this idea that it's very difficult. That things are hard. That stuff is hurting you. That your outside circumstances are attacking you. And so what it says is, all the days of the afflicted are evil.

And we want to say, yes, exactly. And if I could just get unafflicted, I'd be okay. But the follow-up of that proverb turns it on its head. Because if we were going to write this, we would say, all the days of the afflicted are evil. But he who has a continual feast has a cheerful heart.

Because in our reckoning, your circumstances dictate to you your joy. If you have a good marriage, if you have good friends, they're not toxic. If you have good relationships, if you have a good job, if you have a smart boss. Oh, a smart boss, who can find? If you have the right amount of money. If you have a continual feast, you'll have a cheerful heart.

That's not what it says. It says the afflicted days are evil, but those who have a cheerful heart have a continual feast. So it's actually comparing cheerful heart with being afflicted and a continual feast with evil. Meaning that you have some personal responsibility and control over your attitude that can dictate to you what life is like. And the truth is, you've seen this on some people. You've seen drastic examples of both.

Maybe you haven't seen it in yourself. Maybe you have. But you've seen examples of both. Because you've been in school, had a job, played a sport. And you've watched a crowd of people receive bad news. And you've seen some people be absolutely just crushed by it.

Oh, here we go. I knew this was going to happen. This is exactly how it always works. And you've also seen the really annoying person go, we're going to be okay here. It's like, shut up. We are not going to be okay.

We are going to choose to make this way worse. There's a reality to circumstances that keep us, that we want to act like our circumstances have dictated to us how we ought to respond. The reality is most of the time we don't want other people to think this, but we certainly want that to be how things work for us. So if I've had a bad day, I can be mean to my wife, obviously. But if she's had a bad day, she needs to work on her attitude.

But this is a general attitude that we have, that somehow our circumstances have dictated to us our response, rather than our circumstances are what they are and our response gets to be controlled by us. And look at the beautiful part of that. If you can figure out how to have a cheerful heart, you can have a continual feast. Now, if there's anything that Americans like, it's a continual feast. So let's figure out how to have a cheerful heart.

Part of you may be thinking this is unattainable for you, but let's work past that and just understand mentally that if you can attain it, life can be a continual feast. And the reality is there are people who walk through life continually afflicted and their days are evil. And there are people who walk through life with a cheerful heart and their days are a continual feast. And it doesn't have to do with what the days throw at them because often they're thrown, the same thing's thrown at them. It has to do with how we respond. That's actually extremely encouraging.

Because your joy level does not have to be set on circumstance. That's amazingly encouraging. Because we're tempted to want it to be set on circumstance. But the reality is there's hope here. So let's look at this.

I want to show you a couple different ways to try to think about this. There's a Jewish rabbi. He was also a business leader and kind of a political leader. His name was Edwin Friedman. I do not give my wholesale endorsement of him because he says some absolutely crazy things. But he does say some helpful things and he has an illustration that I think is helpful.

He says imagine that a lot of times life is like... He says an amplifier, but we're going to just use a radio. Life's like a radio with three knobs. One knob is physical reality. Circumstance. The actual reality of what is going on.

There's physical reality to your life. You only have a certain amount of money. You only have a certain amount of handsome strapped around your face. Like you've only got what you got. The second one is dumb luck. Not a Christian concept.

We'll get there. But this is what he says. Dumb luck. And the third one is the response of the organism. That's you. You're an organism.

That's how you respond. Now, he says organism because he applies this to political parties. He applies this to businesses, that sort of thing. Now, he says there are times... Oh, you're only allowed to touch the response of the organism. That's the only knob you're allowed to mess with.

The other two knobs just get set for you. You can only touch the response knob. There are times when physical reality and dumb luck are turned up so high that it doesn't matter what you do with your response. The results are going to be what they are. He says an example of this would be if we were all in an airplane and it broke open and we were flying through the air now. Un-tethered.

Unkept. One of you can smile. One of you can sing. One of you can weep. I can flap my arms like a bird. Physical reality and dumb luck are turned up so high that it really doesn't matter.

Within a few seconds, we're all going to reach the same conclusion. But he says most of the time that's not true. Most of the time, physical reality and dumb luck aren't turned up so high that your response doesn't matter. And he says often the only thing that makes a difference is the response of the organism. That's the one thing that's actually the variable that will adjust something. And it's the one thing that you're allowed to touch.

It's a little bit like growing up in your dad's house. You can't touch the thermostat, but you can put a sweater on. That's how it works. If you only focus on physical reality and dumb luck, if that's all you can talk about, if that's all you tell your group about, if that's all you tell your therapist about, if that's all you think about, if that's all you write in your pain journal about, things won't get better. Because you're not allowed to touch those knobs. You're only allowed to touch how you respond, how you think about it, how you get out of it, how you work your head around it.

Proverbs 14.30 says this, and I think it applies to the same idea. It says, A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. I think a life filled with envy is us looking at those two knobs and just wishing we could touch them and wishing that something had been different. And if I had just had this workout in life, if I had just grown up with those parents, if I had just been able to get into that school, if I had just been able to keep that job, if I had just kept that boss or not had this boss, if I just had that spouse, I wish that life had worked out this way. It's just us staring at the knobs we can't control.

I wish this had happened. I wish I had that relationship. I wish that my life had been like that. I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl look good.

I would call her. We can sit all we want and stare at the knobs we can't control and they will not help us. Or we can think about the one thing that we are able to grab a hold of and respond better. This isn't just the power of positive thinking. It's not going to fix everything in life. Some of your circumstances aren't going to change.

But you can make them better or worse. There's a scene in the office where they look at the boss, Michael Scott, who we use very often in the Proverbs because he's a fool. They say to him, don't make this any harder than it has to be. And then it cuts to him by himself looking directly in the camera and he goes, I'm going to make this way harder than it has to be. The truth is you do that. Something happens and you think.

You look at the camera of your life and go, I'm about to make this way harder than it has to be. My son, I try to help him think about his life, frame things up for him. It was school day. It was early in the morning. He was excited. He had put jelly beans in an Easter egg and he had hidden it.

Then in the morning he had opened his jelly beans to look at his jelly beans. I think he was going to eat his jelly beans. He put them back in the Easter egg. When he went back to open his jelly beans again after breakfast, there were four jelly beans, but there had been five jelly beans. This is a huge problem. Jesus tells the parable of the woman with the lost coin.

Well, I had the son with the lost jelly bean. He was turning the house upside down trying to find this jelly bean. Well, the clock's ticking because we've already gotten ready for school. We've already had breakfast. We only got so much hunt for jelly bean time before we got to go to school. He's distraught.

I mean, it's messed him up. I'm trying to help him find it. Finally, it's like we've got to get in the car and he's just like, you know, you know that look you get when you've lost your jelly bean. He had that. And we get in the truck. We only have a few minutes between us and the school and I'm trying to help not kick him out the door.

Like, just his day was not starting off well and I didn't want it to continue. So I'm trying to help him get out of it. So at first I was like, man, I'm sorry. That's rough. It is. I mean, that's, you know, one-fifth of his wealth gone.

It's a tough day. I'm sorry. Trying to help him, you know. And then I turned to, like, consoling wasn't helping. It was almost like it was adding to it because he's like, you're right, I should feel terrible. And I was like, all right, but you've got to buck up, kid.

But it's just a jelly bean, you know. I tried to be a little intense with him. That wasn't working. So we're just riding and I'm trying to think, like, how do I help him reframe his head? You know, how to help him learn to, like. And so we're just riding.

We've got about a minute left. We're pulling in the car line to drop him off. And I said, I said, are you tough? Something we talk about. I'm trying to help him learn that he can mentally control how he responds to physical things as well, you know. And, you know.

I said, like, you know, like a superhero, you know how, like, they're tough, you know. I said, but you know how superheroes have a weakness? Hmm? I said, I think I've figured out yours. I mean, this, he found a weakness. He's like, well, you know, he's a superhero now in his head and he's trying to think through being tough and he doesn't have any weaknesses.

I said, I think you might be like a superhero. I think I could hit you with a baseball bat and you'd bounce back. And he's, you know. I think I could shoot you with a missile. I know. But I found your weakness.

I found your kryptonite. He said, you know, looking at him like, what is it? He said, where is, what is it? You know, I'll cover it with a shield. It's one jelly bean. He just straightened up and stared at me.

He said, not a lot of jelly beans. Not five jelly beans. One jelly bean. That's your weakness. It'll crush you. All I got to do, you're like Captain America.

If I gave you a jelly bean and then took the jelly bean away, it turned into dust. And he was like, no. You know, like, I'm not weak. A jelly bean won't take me down. I was like, no, you said it destroyed your whole day. You said it ruined everything.

You said that jelly bean was the one thing that kept you sane and now everything's going. No, I'm not. No, huh? He hopped out of the car like, you know. Ain't no jelly bean going to beat me up. I'm trying to reframe for him.

What's your weakness? Extra paperwork? Traffic. How you thought a situation was going to go and then how your spouse actually responded. Your roommate and the dishes in the sink. What is it?

What's your kryptonite? What's the thing that absolutely slays you and you have no choice but to respond this way? They forced your hand. See, there's a reality to we have control how we respond to circumstances. We're going to work on a pool. And we can make life better or worse.

I learned this working on swim pools very, very distinctly. Multiple summers throughout all of high school working on swimming pools. The truth was I would go work on a pool. Sometimes it worked out well. It was nice. There were some times when you'd go to a job and you knew I was going to get paid this much.

It was going to take this long. Nice. And then something would break. And now I'm still only going to get paid this much, but I'm going to work a lot longer. And there were times where things would break and I would have to decide, am I going to do this manually or am I going to go ride back to the store, which is an hour away to get the stuff I need to actually fix it? Or am I going to do the thing that takes forever and peels all the skin off my arm as I sit and just have to fix this thing?

And oftentimes I realized that the only thing I can control was I knew I was going to be there. I knew I was going to have to fix the thing. I knew I couldn't leave until I got fixed. I knew the amount of money I was going to get was set. Everything was set. I was going to be in the sun.

Everything. I could make those next two hours way longer by feeling sorry for myself, by being really upset, by thinking through that other people wouldn't have to deal with this. Or I could take a deep breath, listen to some music, and realize that all of the things I was going to have to do were the same. The only thing I could control was my attitude and I could make it a lot better if I had a better attitude. And the truth is you get to do that too. You get the news at work, you're going to have to stay late.

Well, you're going to have to stay late. You're going to make it better or worse. Your kids spill stuff all over the floor. You're going to make it better or worse. We get to choose. And that's actually really encouraging.

But it gets better. It's beyond just attitude control that makes your day better. Take that. Use that. If you don't know Jesus, it's a gift to you. You don't have to have Jesus to change your attitude.

He helps, but you don't have to have him. But if you want to be internally unconquerable, it goes further. He says this in verse 16. Now we'll read verse 16 and 17. Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.

You can have good circumstances without the Lord, without love, or you can have terrible circumstances with the Lord and with love, and it's better to have love and it's better to have the Lord. So it's not just circumstances that set your life, joy, and hope. And this actually, because it's now based not just in circumstances, but based in the Lord and his love for us, may I offer you an anchor for your joy rather than a kite. So many of us, our happiness is on a kite. Is it a good day for it? Is there a nice breeze blowing in the right direction?

Everything's good. Blown too hard? Not blowing it all? It's a mess. You ever try to fly a kite when it wasn't the right weather? It's the most aggravating thing?

I did this for like an hour with my boys one time. Something's wrong with the kite or something's wrong with me, but it wasn't working. But some of us have our hope tied to a kite. It's this. But we can actually have it anchored in the Lord so that it's untouchable, so that your joy level, your response to things, doesn't have to be circumstantial.

It doesn't whip around with the wind. See, this moves now from good advice to good news. That you actually, if you place your faith in Jesus, that you can have some things eternally held for you through the work of Christ that are true eternally and that you belong to Him. That's what Jesus came to die for sinners so that all who have faith in Him might be covered by His work and made holy and blameless and above reproach through the work of Christ and be anchored in Him so that we might, even if circumstances are bad, have Him. And if we have Him, then we have everything. And so that we have something to lean into in the midst of bad circumstances to remind us that not only can I control my attitude, but I have hope in Christ.

So I've got three things for us to do coming out of this. Fight for contentment. It's one of the best ways to work on your attitude is to fight for contentment. A tranquil heart brings life. An envious heart rots your bones. If you think things should be better, and that's what you tell yourself all the time, this should have worked out differently, it should be better.

The truth is, at any given moment in life, you can look at what's good or you can look at what's bad. That's up to you. You can show up from work. I can walk in the door from work and I can look at what's good or what's bad in my house. I can walk in because my wife's been playing with the kids and they've been having fun and the house is chaos. And I can tell myself, look at how terrible this house looks.

They should have been doing this. She should have done that. What's she been doing all day? I can find ten things I want to be mad about. I can probably find twenty if you give me enough time. But the reality is, I can also come in and find ten things to be happy about.

Some of you walk in the door, the house is a mess, your spouse has been playing with the kids and having fun with them and you complain that the dishes aren't done. The next day you walk in, the house is spotless but the kid's playing video games and you say, did y'all even go outside today? You're just picking the thing to be mad about instead of finding the thing to be happy about. You can right now make a list on the way home of ten things you like about your spouse, ten things you like about your group, ten things you like about this church, twenty-five things that you loved about this sermon.

Some of you this whole time have been going, I wish Spencer was preaching and you've ruined a wonderful sermon for your bad attitude. But you can do this. You can fight for contentment. You can tell yourself things you like about your house, you like about your drive to work, you like about your job, or you can tell yourself all the things you hate about it and one of those gives life to your flesh and one of them rots your bones. And if you feel a little rotted out, it's quite possible that you're walking around doing that to yourself. Grab the knob you can control.

So fight for contentment. Control your response. It's the one thing you can control. So in a situation, start learning what's outside of my control. That's not the thing to focus on. What's inside of my control?

That's the thing to focus on. That's the thing for me to think through and decide how I'm going to respond, how I'm going to act, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to speak, how I'm going to think, what I'm going to tell myself. I think about this periodically. Paul and Silas in the book of Acts get arrested, beaten, put in jail, and then we're told that they're praying and singing hymns. Now if I asked you, good Christian, can Christians sing in prison?

Yes. Can we find joy in the midst of difficult circumstances? Yes. Can we have an anchor of hope in the midst of a concentration camp? Yes. But we can't even handle traffic.

Well, I'm not in prison. I'll sing when I get to prison. But the house is a mess. Like it's like, what? We can control how we respond. We have an anchor that helps us respond.

I want to read this quote from Viktor Frankl. He says this. He says, Life in a concentration camp exposes your soul's foundation. Only a few of the prisoners were able to keep their inner liberty and inner strength. Life only has meaning in any circumstances if we have a hope that neither suffering, circumstances, nor death itself can destroy. Now if you belong to Jesus, you have a hope that neither suffering, nor circumstances, nor death itself can destroy.

You have an anchor for your joy, for your life, for your hope, not a kite. So that you can respond with joy in the midst of anything and you can respond with hope in the midst of anything and you can control your attitude in the midst of anything. Nobody has forced your hand. Third thing. So first, fight for contentment.

Control your response. Remember the truth. Another way to say this would be to remember good news. Proverbs 12, 25, anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. That's just a general truth about talking to each other, about how good news works, but also we have the ultimate capital G, capital N, good news in Christ. The ultimate capital G, capital W, good word in Christ.

Proverbs 15, 30, the light of the eyes rejoices the heart. I mean, the light of the eyes is the life that the Lord gives us the ability to see. But it's like the inner light of the eyes. And good news refreshes the bones. We have the good news in Christ. Proverbs 16, 24, gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

We have the gracious words spoken to us by God the Father through the work of Christ. Capital G, capital W, gracious words spoken to us. Remember what's true. Let's look at our radio again. Physical reality, dumb luck, response of the organism. If you don't belong to Jesus, run with that.

I would like to invite you though to place your faith in Jesus and use this next one which is if you belong to Jesus it looks like this. Physical reality, truth of the gospel, response of the organism. Can I offer you some really good news? You're still not allowed to touch that second knob. Your sin doesn't let you grab it. Your depression doesn't let you grab it.

What the enemy's telling you doesn't let you grab it. Jesus Christ has sealed that forever and ever and ever and ever and he has spoken truth to you that if you belong to him you belong and you are redeemed and you are forgiven and you are given hope that is unassailable. You are internally unconquerable because through Christ you are eternally unconquerable. You still get to troll how you respond. Are you going to believe that? Are you going to remind yourself of that?

Are you going to join a group and tell people that? Remind them of that? Are you going to join a group and listen when other people remind you of that? This is one of the reasons why we need to be around other believers so that you can say something that's completely stupid and they can say to you that's not true. You tell yourself completely stupid lies all the time. You need to get around a group and say them out loud so the people who love Jesus can go what have you been telling yourself?

No. I love you so I want to punch you. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's not true for you not if you belong to Jesus. If you don't belong to Jesus run with that. You'll be crushed by your sin.

You'll be destroyed. You're unlovable. You've been unworthy. But if you belong to Jesus you've been made lovable. You've been made worthy through the work of Christ and you are forever sealed in that. You are holy and blameless and above reproach.

You are like a bride presented to Christ without a spot or blemish or any such thing that we belong and that we're loved and that we're welcomed and we don't get to mess with that. Some of you say well I'm depressed. Yeah okay we'll put that on the physical reality knob. You can't control that. You wake up feel like you have no energy. You feel down.

You can't go you know what I'm just going to choose happy today. Sometimes that doesn't work. But you actually do get to choose how you respond. You're going to stare at the depression knob and just say well you're in charge. Are you going to look at the truth of the gospel? You're going to get out of bed?

You're going to get in some sunlight? You're going to get around some people? You're going to say I'm not going to let my feelings and emotions dictate to me what life is. I can't fully control them but I can control how I respond. I don't have to believe all that. Guys this is good news.

And if you belong to Jesus it's eternally good news. Some of you right now are in some really bad situations but you can make them better. You can choose to be afflicted or you can have a continual feast as we choose to align ourselves with who Jesus is and what he's done for us. The band is going to come back up. We're going to sing. I want to say one more thing to those who do have physical depression that you just feel like it's outside of your control.

I want to tell you yeah sometimes it is. Your response isn't. There's places in the Psalms all the time where he says bless the Lord oh my soul. He talks to his soul. Bless the Lord oh my soul. He says forget not all his benefits.

Some of you need to write down we actually have some of these printed up. We will give you one but different passages of scripture that tell you things that are true about you and Jesus. Some of you need to write down things. You walk around telling yourselves lies all the time. I'm the worst. I'm unlovable.

Everybody hates me. They don't even notice when I'm not around. They wish I wasn't around. It's like your radio is turned up too much but you're not grabbing the one knob you have control over and you're not listening to the part where Jesus is coming through the frequency that he's on where he says you are loved. You are welcome. You do have hope.

You do have certainty. You do have security. If you belong to Jesus the absolute worst circumstances that could ever happen to you can happen to you. You're eternally secure. One of the ways we say this on Sundays sometimes is Jesus is alive tell your face. There's hope in Christ so there's joy for us.

That's actually one of the fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control that he gives us these things through his work not ours that we get to choose good things because he's offered them to us in Christ that no you don't deserve them but Jesus is great and we praise his glorious grace. So quit looking at the undeserving knob. Quit looking at the circumstance knob and start looking at the king of kings and start responding as someone who's been redeemed. And then tell your face. Let's pray.

God we thank you so much that you redeem that we can run to you in the midst of difficulty that we can run to you in the midst of hurt that we can run to you in the midst of pain that you have forever set reality for us through the work of Christ. Lord we pray for those who are not in Christ that they would come to you that they would repent of sin that they would ask for forgiveness that they would be covered by the grace of Christ. And we pray Lord that we would quit looking at the things we can't control that we would quit focusing on all the things that are negative that we would quit looking at the things that are difficult difficult and hard and quit acting as if circumstance sets our hearts posture rather than you through the power of your spirit and our ability to respond. And may by your grace we respond well.

In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Wisdom and Integrity (Proverbs 4:20-24)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Good morning. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Grab your Bibles and go to Proverbs chapter 4. We'll move around the Proverbs a little bit today, but we're going to start in chapter 4 in verse 20. I talk about them often.

I have two sons, a six-year-old and a three-year-old. When my three-year-old turned two, he and his brother started playing together a lot more. He was able to keep up a little better. They were able to run. They were able to play. They were able to do things together.

They go full speed. I've told people before that my kids have two switches, high and off. That's it. Those are their two settings. It wasn't uncommon at all to hear them playing and laughing. Then all of a sudden, the younger one just to be crying.

His older brother is very articulate. He's been articulate since he was little. The younger one is not very articulate at all, although he makes up for it by being aggressive in the way he talks. Not only can you not understand him, but he's very frustrated about it. I would come in the room and I would say, Archer is the older one. I'd say, what happened?

Why is Ellis crying? He'd go, oh, I jumped from here to there. He tried to and slammed his face into that. Or he was climbing on this and he fell. I think that landed up under his back. That seems to be the trouble.

There'll be times where I'll come in and I'll say, Archer, why is Ellis crying? And Archer will go, well, so we were playing. He starts like way further back five minutes ago and I can tell what's happened is he knows the truth. He's just not a huge fan of it. He knows what's real, but he was fine with that being real until I showed up. And then when I showed up, that being real doesn't seem as good anymore.

And so he's trying to figure out how do I put this? I don't really want to lie, but I got to give myself some time here. The best one was I kicked my feet in the air and then Ellis fell over and maybe hurt himself when he fell. It's like, I feel like we left some things out here. I feel like we skipped some steps, but I talked to my son and I realized how often I feel the same way about reality. I don't really like who I chose to be.

I don't really like what I chose to do. I don't really like what I said. I don't really like what I did. And there are times where maybe I'm okay with it if it's just me having to sit with it, but I certainly don't want you to know that. And so you ask me questions or we get in a conversation and my soul goes, well, and I have a desire to recreate reality in a way that defends me, that protects me, that guards me. And the Proverbs talk about this.

They talk about integrity and lying. And so let's pray the Lord would help us see all the places in us that go well and try to recreate what's real to defend ourselves. Now we ask for your help this morning. We ask for the work of your spirit to help us to see your word, to understand your word, to respond to your word that we might find healing. I pray Lord that as we look at our words, you would help us to see our hearts, to see them clearly and to respond to your grace. We love you and we praise you in Jesus name.

We pray. Amen. Proverbs chapter four, verse 20 says, my son, be attentive to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight. Keep them within your heart for they are life to those who find them in healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.

There's this idea that your heart is, is your identity. It's the seat of your personhood. It's also, uh, the, it displays your desires, what you most love, what you most want. And then he says this, put away from you crooked speech and put devious talk far from you. This is not the only place in the Proverbs or in the scriptures where we see the, the idea of your heart being paired with your words, that what comes out of your mouth helps display what is inside of you, that your heart and your words are tied together. So that if we're going to keep a vigilant watch over our hearts, we are going to keep a vigilant watch over our mouths.

And if we're going to know what's in our heart, we're going to see what comes out of our mouth. That we're going to keep an eye on our speech and that we're going to put crooked speech far from us. I want to, uh, in Proverbs 6, 14 and Proverbs 26, 24 and Proverbs 28, 14, these parallels are drawn as well. This idea of your heart being connected to your words or your words being connected to your heart that they go hand in hand. It's not just in the Proverbs. Jeremiah 17, nine says this, the heart is deceitful above all things, desperately sick.

Who can understand it? You ever watch a horror movie and something bad's happening and you're wanting to yell at the characters? Don't, don't do that. Well, we should also do that in every little Disney movie. When a cartoon comes out and tells you to follow your heart, you should yell, no, don't do it. It's sick.

It's going to trick you. Doom lies that way. Cartoon character. But there's this reality that our hearts breed lies and they lie to us and they help us lie to others. Matthew 15, 19 says for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness. That's lying and slander.

Luke 6, 45 says the good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good. And the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil for out of the abundance of his heart, his mouth speaks. So if we're going to keep a vigilant watch on our hearts, we're going to keep a vigilant watch on our mouths and we are to put crooked speech far from us. This idea of crooked speech is there are certain types of speech that is in line with reality. Speech that is truthful, that is honest, that is real. And truth is truth whether you like it or not, whether you believe in it or not.

If you deny that gravity exists, it will still assert itself when you jump off of a building. The truth is truth. And there's speech that lines up with that. And then there's speech that tends to desire to bend reality, to remake reality, to guard against reality, to create unreality. That's the way Pastor Brandon Clements, who's in, we plant churches together in a church planning network, and he's one of the pastors and he talks about lying as creating unreality. That God in the beginning speaks and creates order.

That he speaks and out of chaos. He creates everything that is good and beautiful and true. And that we in our speech can line up in that or he in our speech can work to create unreality, to create chaos, to defend ourselves against reality. And this is sin. And this is evil. Lying is a rejection of God's good order.

Lying is working to sow chaos into the world. That's what Jesus says in John chapter 8 to the Pharisees. He says, you are of your father, the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character for he is a liar and the father of lies. The first sin that happens in the garden in Adam and Eve, it's the enemy coming along and lying and twisting what the Lord said.

And then Adam and Eve follow him in his lies. And when we speak lies, we line up with the character of Satan. And we seek to destroy God's good order in the world. And lying is wicked and evil and God hates it. So Proverbs 12, 22 says, lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.

That word abomination means he is loathsome to him. But those who act faithfully are his delight. This is said multiple times in the Proverbs. It said in Proverbs 3, Proverbs 6 says it twice. Six times falsehood and deceit are called an abomination. It's disgust and hatred that God stands opposed to deceit.

But there are some pictures in the scriptures that clearly draw the line between God and Satan. There's this idea of life and death, of light and darkness, of truth and lies. Also, it ultimately fails. It works short term. That's why we do it. But it ultimately fails.

Proverbs 10, 9 says, whoever walks in integrity, walks securely. But he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Integrity means wholeness, integrated. It's solid. If you walk in integrity, you walk securely that nothing can assail you. But if you make your way crooked, if you make your speech crooked, you will be found out.

Proverbs 12, 19 says, truthful lips endure forever. But a lying tongue is but for a moment. It's one of the things that they say is that if you're honest, you don't have to have a good memory. You don't have to be that smart. If you'll just be honest about what happened, you don't have to try to remember who you said what to and when you said it and how you put it and what the story was like last time. And you can just be honest.

And that endures forever that it puts you in line with God's good work in the world. But a lying tongue is but for a moment. It falls apart. Proverbs 6, 12 goes a little bit further in this. It says a worthless person, a wicked man goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger. It's that idea that crooked speech is aiming towards something.

It's trying to manipulate people. It's trying to gain something that we lie that we might have something we don't have or to defend something or to point someone in the wrong direction so that this crooked speech is is this manipulative control. It says with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord. It's the idea that lying again comes from our heart and puts our hearts on display. It says, therefore, calamity will come upon him suddenly. In a moment, he will be broken beyond healing.

We've seen this. You've seen this happen in relationships. You've seen this happen in friendships and marriages. You've seen this happen with leaders, politicians, Christian leaders, where all of a sudden it just crumbles. And the reason it crumbles and the reason the calamity comes upon them so suddenly is because it wasn't real in the first place. It was smoke.

And so a gust of wind from the truth was able to blow it clear. That's what lying does. God hates it and it ultimately fails. Lying is bad. Don't lie. My granddad had a cousin who lied all the time, all the time.

His little kid lied about everything, would lie about things that weren't even, it's like, who's this lie helping? What is wrong with you? Like this lie doesn't even defend. What are you doing? Like he just lied all the time. And so his parents were getting kind of at their wits end with him.

And so the parents told him about Ananias and Sapphira from Acts chapter five. And in Acts chapter five, the church is born. People are, are worked. Uh, the Holy Spirit's at work. People are giving, people are being charitable. Ananias and Sapphira sell this piece of property.

And then they show up like other people had sold this property and given to the church. They show up and announce, Hey, we sold this property for this amount and we want to give the full amount to the church. That's what they do. Problem was that wasn't the actual amount. So it wasn't the full amount.

They had kept some to themselves. The Holy Spirit works and Peter says, why are you lying? And Ananias dies. And Sapphira shows up and he asked her, how much did you sell this for? She lies also and she dies. Now this is a bold move to tell your child who's lying.

Son, sit down, open your Bible. Do you want God to kill you? That's what they did. I read it to him and he goes, I know mama. And I was there and they just rolled him right out the church and kept going. Boulder move.

Insert yourself into scripture. The truth is we need to know that lying is evil. We need to know it is bad. We need to know that it works to show disharmony. We need to know that God hates it and we need to not lie. But one of the questions we need to ask is that if lying exposes our heart, why are we lying?

Not just don't lie, but we need to begin to see in our speech. What is our, what are our words trying to gain? What are we winking at? Tapping our foot? What are we doing to try to manipulate and to maneuver? What are we protecting?

What are we guarding? What are we hoping to keep safe? What are we hoping to gain? What is it that our hearts tell us about our identity? What it is our hearts tell us that we love? What are our hearts pursuing in our dishonesty?

In Jordan Peterson, who's a professor and a clinical psychologist in his book, 12 rules for life, he says this in his chapter talking about honesty. He says, so I began paying much closer attention to what I was doing and saying. I soon came to realize that almost everything I said was untrue. I had motives for saying these things. I wanted to win arguments and gain status, impress people and get what I wanted. I was using language to bend and twist the world into delivering what I thought was necessary.

So we lie because it so often it works and we become good at it to where we lie to ourselves enough that we don't even see where we're lying. We avoid topics that make us seem foolish or ignorant. We don't bring up things or answer questions honestly about things that make us seem less likable or meaner. That we use our words to bend and twist reality, to guard ourselves, to gain what we want, to pursue what we want. And in our words, we display our hearts. What is it that I really love?

What is it that I really value? Augustine, who was one of the church leaders in Africa, he talks about that much of our sin is disordered love. That we don't love God enough, that we love something else too much, that the things we ought to love, we love less. The things we shouldn't love, we love more. And our hearts chase after things that they shouldn't. And our words show us what it is that we truly want to gain.

So the question is, what am I using my words to accomplish? What are you using your words to get? What are you using your words to defend? What is it that you are doing in your speech? You trying to look smarter or less selfish, more put together? You trying to control the behavior of others?

My grandmother was a godly lady. She was very sweet. She was a missionary in Nigeria. But she wanted you to show up on time. So she'd lie to you about what time something started.

You'd show up at 830 and you'd be like, yeah, yeah. You know your church starts at nine, right? They didn't just change it this week. My dad used to talk to her and say, don't lie to me. I'm going to be on time. Tell me the real time.

I won't tell the rest of the family. But what are you doing? What are you doing with your speech? Who are you trying to manipulate? How are you trying to gain control or power or comfort? What are you willing to lie about?

The reality is I might be willing to lie and you might be willing to lie, but probably about different things. I like to think I'm smart. One of the ways I lie is that I tell myself that I am quite often. I also want you to think I'm smart, but I forget stuff a lot. I'm going to have to retire when I'm like 60 because if it's this bad right now, the older I get, it's going to get real bad. I forget stuff.

I wish I was smart enough to know I forget stuff and then to write it down. Sometimes I write it down and forget where I wrote it. So I'm a slip of paper somewhere. Well, to do this every once in a while is embarrassing. To do this all the time is shameful. And so there'll be times where someone will come to me and they'll say, hey, did you do that thing you said you were going to do?

And I'll respond with, I'm going to do that today. I am going to do that today. Now that you mentioned it because I should have done it two days ago and I completely forgot it existed. But I was just about to do that. I start using language to try to bend and to defend and to make myself seem smarter because constantly having to look at people and say, you remember I'm a moron, right? Is it fun?

So that I'm tempted and often don't even realize I'm doing it. But in my language, I defend myself. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew that. Oh, yeah, that's right. That makes sense.

Oh, yeah, I was I was absolutely about to get and I don't even realize I'm doing this, but I'm I'm building a disguise. That's one of the ways that the Proverbs puts it. It says this in Proverbs 26, 24, it says whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart. Now, specifically, this is talking about someone who's absolutely out to get somebody. But that idea of that we're able to disguise ourselves with our lips, we're able to make ourselves seem a little better, look a little better, portray ourselves a little smarter, a little kinder, that there's these times that we're really tempted to to just make sure that we kind of control the story.

I am I got in a fight, a fistfight at a middle school dance because I like to live dangerously. And when I had to recount how this went, I realized as my parents were asking questions about it, there was part of the story that that didn't paint me in the best light because it was bad and I shouldn't have done it. My parents were OK with me fighting, but there were some things that precipitated the fight that I had aided and abetted in. This guy had done some things that were wrong, but I had also done some things to make it worse. And so they just got the edited version of the story. I told them only true things.

I just left out one piece of truth that did affect how the story played out. Did I lie? Well, does that make sense? See how you can craft a story, how you can bear false witness? That you can give a story, but not the whole story. You can tell a half truth that makes you seem nicer.

Certainly those people did say that. Certainly they did do that. And the stuff that I said and did doesn't matter because that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about them. That's why I came to talk to you person in my group. I need you to help me think about how terrible this person is.

So we've shifted things around. We're using our language to build a disguise. We're using our language to hide just a bit. Your spouse asked if you've done that chore. You should have known they were going to ask because they've asked you this every four days for the past two months. And you don't say that I had time.

You don't look at them and say, well, you know, I had time to do that chore, but I chose to spend that amount of time messing with my phone or watching TV or what you do is you say, well, I did this and you give the three things that you did do. And then you paint it up a little bit, give it a little bit of flourish. So it seems like you were busier than you were. Did you do that chore? Do you even know what our children are like? You do a chore with these kids running around your feet while you watch TV.

You don't want to hurt someone's feelings. You don't want to make things awkward. Most of the time before we lie to other people, we begin to lie to ourselves. This isn't that big a deal. I'm really not that offended. I'm not that hurt over this.

If I told them it would just make things worse. That's actually one of the most acceptable Christian lies that you'll, you'll talk yourself into. You're hurt by someone in your group or you've hurt someone in your group. You've sinned against them and you'll convince yourself that telling them will just make it worse or that going and talking to them will just make it worse. And that it really isn't that big a deal. And you really aren't that offended and, and you'll be fine.

You don't really have to talk about this. And if that were true and you could forbear and you could overlook an offense, that would be beautiful because the Proverbs tells us to do that, that it's wise to overlook an offense. But if we actually aren't overlooking the offense, we're just letting something grow up between us and someone else. And so what you say is, I don't want to make things awkward. So I'll just break this relationship with them, grow further and distance from them, lie to them when they ask me if I'm okay, I'll say I'm fine.

And then about a year from now, I won't feel like I belong anymore. And I'll completely no longer be a part of this church. And that'll be the better route because I don't want to make things weird. So I'll just cease to have a relationship with this person. That's the loving thing to do. It's what Jesus would want.

No. In case you were confused. No, it's not. That we're supposed to talk about what's going on and be honest about it and say what's real. Someone asked you in your group, are you okay? Maybe in that moment, you don't just blurt out, I'm really mad at you.

Maybe you do. My wife, she would be upset about something. I'd say, are you okay? And she'd say, I'm fine. She'd say, I'm fine. And two days later, it turns out she wasn't fine.

Caught me completely off guard. So I learned to say, do you mean to tell me that there will not be a time in the future when you and I discuss a thing that has happened up until the moment of this sentence? And then she would say, maybe I'm not fine. It's very terrifying. But what we learned, what she learned, she would say to me, I'm upset by something, but I'm not sure I should be.

Give me some time to think about it. I'd love to grant that request. I would love for her to figure out that she was wrong and sinful, that I was right all along, for her to repent and us to move on. It's absolutely my favorite. That happened twice. It was wonderful.

So sometimes you need to be able to say, I'm working through some stuff. I'm upset by something. I'm trying to think about it. Don't be fake, but give yourself some time to sort some things out. You're complicated. Don't just lie to yourself.

Don't just lie to them, but think. And then come back and have the conversation you need to have. I was hurt by this. It made me sad when this happened. But we're tempted to do this all the time.

You're leaving work. All of your co-workers, the good ones, are planning on going somewhere. One of the annoying ones comes over and says, Hey, where did you say y'all were going? And you think, if you come, I no longer want to be there because you actively ruin everything. Maybe that's their fault. Maybe that's your fault.

That's not the point of this sermon. The point of this sermon is that you're about to lie. That you're suddenly really tempted to say, Oh, no, we don't. I don't even know who those people are. We never hang out. I fill up.

Oh, my stomach hurts. Like, whatever. That happened to you in middle school. It happened to you in high school. It happens now. And we're tempted to lie.

Well, I don't want to hurt their feelings. I just want to create some unreality to make things a little smoother, to make my life move a little bit easier. And it's sin. I want to control how you're perceived. I want to control what other people think about you. They told Spurgeon one time, they said, Do you know what those people said about you?

And he was like, They don't know the half of it. I'm way worse than that. But we're so tempted to try to control the story, to control perception, to control what people know, what people share, what people think, how we're seen, that we're liars. So what do we do? See, I don't know how you lie. I don't know why you lie.

But you need to figure that out. I don't know exactly what it is you're protecting. I don't know exactly what it is you're trying to gain. I don't know where you're fake, where you're pretending, where you're disguised. The Lord does. It's possible you don't even know where you lie and why you lie.

It's possible that you've grown really comfortable with it and you've convinced yourself of some lies and you're just continuing to carry those out. So what do we do? Well, you watch your mouth. First thing you need to do is listen to yourself. Actually pay attention to how you respond to people. Actually pay attention to the words that you use.

Pay attention to the way you feel when you talk. You know that little strike of lightning you get when someone asks you a question you have no desire to answer. Start paying attention to how you respond. Correct yourself. This is something that Spencer does. Spencer Carey does pretty well.

He overstates things so that everything is the best or the worst. This was the greatest thing that ever happened. I 100% guarantee that this will never happen. This is the worst thing. That person is absolutely garbage. If you hate this, you're going to die.

Like whatever. He just overstates things. And when he tells stories, he overstates them. But he does. He's learning. He does this.

And so he'll come back and go, okay, well, hold on. That's not exactly how that worked. And that takes some serious self-awareness because I tell stories and fill in details and don't even realize I'm doing that. I realize as I'm talking, sometimes I don't have this detail, so I just stick a detail in so the story can move forward. My wife says that this is fabrication and that I shouldn't do that in sermon illustrations. But sometimes it's just a sermon illustration.

It needs to make a point. It just needs to be close to true. Okay, I'm sorry. But anyway, listen to yourself and correct yourself. When you realize that what you just said wasn't accurate, go back to the person and say, hold on a second. I actually am upset.

I just need time to think about it. Go back to the person and go, no, actually, no, no, no. You did hurt me. So when you asked me, when our group was together on Wednesday and I said I was fine, I was lying and I need you to forgive me. But now I need to talk to you about the thing I'm going to have to forgive you about.

But we're going to work towards being honest. So listen to yourself and then correct yourself when you realize that you're misspeaking or that you're making yourself sound smarter or more put together or you're leaving out details because you just don't want to get into that part of the story. Yes, the lady at Walmart was aggressive. But were you that innocent? So he brings us to our next one.

Stop talking. Proverbs 10, 19 says, When words are many, transgression is not lacking. But whoever restrains his lips is prudent. You can shut your mouth. It's a beautiful option. You can sit and think for a little while.

You can say to someone, I don't think it's my place to answer that question. I think you just asked me a question about someone else's motives and I don't think, even though I have a really good guess as to their motives, that it's helpful for me to state that because it's just a guess. It's not true. And I think you need to go talk to them. I think you can look at someone and say, that's not really any of your business. Sometimes it is their business.

And then you have to go back to the first part where you just have to speak honestly. But you do have the ability to not talk, to not tell stories, to not talk about things that have happened, to say, I need to think more about this because I'm not quite sure what's true and how I feel about it. So instead of just spurting out opinions based off of what I think you most want to hear, I'm actually going to go think a little bit about what my actual opinions are and then come back and I can say those to you. But I have not known enough about this to formulate opinions. I'm really happy to listen to yours though.

Oh, we'd do so much better if we'd learn how to do that one. What do you think about this? I haven't thought enough about it to have thoughts. Instead of just like, well, you asked me, let me spew words out. Be able to just say, let me think for a little bit. I'll listen to what you think.

The reason you ask is you have thoughts. So listen to yourself. Correct yourself. Stop talking. Confess. Proverbs 28, 13 says, whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper.

But he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Some of you are lying and have been carrying a lie because you sinned and you don't want to tell anybody. You sinned and it's going to hurt people. You sinned and it's going to affect you. And you wish you hadn't sinned and you told yourself you won't do it again. But you all know that mold grows in the dark and fungus grows in the dark and cancer grows and grows and grows until you see it. and that some of you are lying and lying to yourself and telling yourself, you can't share this.

You can't tell anyone. If they found out, it would all fall apart. And there are consequences to sin, but there is mercy for those who confess. See the back? The next verse says, blessed is the one who fears the Lord always. That your fear would be more of Jesus and his glory and the king of the universe than the consequences temporarily of the people that you have sinned against and the people you have lied to.

See, the reason why we hold on to lies is that I more fear you than I fear him. Blessed is the one who fears him more than he fears you. Blessed is the one that loves Jesus more than they love you. Blessed is your marriage if that is true for you and your spouse. Blessed is your friendship if that is true for you and your friends. That you love and fear the Lord more than you fear each other because that leads to honesty and confession.

And guess what? In Christ there is mercy. The goal of us following Jesus is that we would get Jesus the one who forgives sin. The one who cleanses sinners. That's why Jesus is called friend of sinners. That those who confess and run for their sin find mercy in him.

And we know this because he came and he died and shed his blood that we might have him. But if we harden our hearts we go to calamity. And some of you can feel the Lord pressing on you. He's bringing to your mind through the power of the Spirit lies that need to be confessed. And you have a choice. You can confess and obtain mercy.

Or you can fight and harden your heart and take another step down the road towards calamity. that you can reject the call to mercy. There's a song I sing to my boys softly and tenderly. It says softly and tenderly Jesus is calling. One of the lines that it is why should we linger and heed not his mercy? The song says he's calling for you oh sinner come home. That if we turn from our sin if we confess our sin he forgives our sin and we find mercy.

But if we hold on to our sin we head towards destruction. I don't know why you lie. I don't know what you're defending. I don't know what you're after. I don't know what lies you've been carrying for years and years and have convinced yourself that this one just has to go to the grave with you. But I do know that if you confess you receive mercy. mercy.

So the band's going to come back up. Holding on to sin and holding on to lies only makes things worse. And I will tell you that confession is painful but often it gets worse before it gets better. If you have a bad tooth going to the dentist is first painful before it's helpful. If you have sin and lies and deceit confession is painful but then you obtain mercy and you're free. Some of you have been lying and guarding yourself against everybody and you're disguised and therefore when they tell you that they love you you tell yourself no they just love the disguise.

You undercut your ability to belong. you undercut your ability to be loved. You undercut your ability to believe that Jesus Christ forgives sinners because you've convinced yourself that if you confess this sin you will not be forgiven. Church Jesus forgives sinners so we forgive sinners. You are welcome here as a sinner and the day that sinners are not welcome here this ceases to be a church that belongs to Jesus. It's something else but it's not his because those who confess and forsake sin receive mercy. They receive the blood of the lamb that cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

They are made holy and blameless and above reproach. They are spotless like a bride on her wedding day where there is no wrinkle or blemish or any such thing. Confess and receive mercy. Do not harden your heart and run into calamity convincing yourself that you will not be forgiven. sin. Because the king of kings loves and redeems and dies to forgive. And there is grace and there is mercy by him through his people that you might belong and you might be welcomed.

And yes there are consequences to sin. But oh there is mercy at the cross. And there is a king who reigns forever amongst the redeemed. Those who confess sin were made new. He doesn't reign forever amongst the flawless that became flawless on their own. He reigns forever among the flawless that he made flawless through his work that he would get praise and glory for his grace.

So watch your mouth. Listen to your words. Correct yourself. Some of you just need to stop talking. Some of us need to confess. We are about to take communion where we celebrate the tangible reality of Jesus' broken body and his shed blood.

Where we celebrate that he actually came. That he was touchable. And that he is accessible. And that for those of us who have placed our faith in him we proclaim his death until he comes. Communion is for those who believe. For those who have repented.

For those who have placed their faith in Christ. If you are not a Christian we want Christ for you. And when you are ready to place your faith in Christ you are invited to communion. But if you have not placed your faith in Christ we ask you to remain seated. But in a moment we are going to take a minute to pray and to ask the Lord to help us see our sin and to hear our words and we are going to confess.

And some of us are going to have to confess to some people. I lied to you. I have been lying to you. We are going to get mercy from the Lord and we are going to pray that he works mercy from those who love and follow him. And then we are going to take communion.

Wisdom and Sex (Proverbs 5)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Proverbs 5.1 starts out, My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she's as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander, and she does not know it. So, it's passages like this that I encountered when I became a Christian around 17, where I went, oh man, I think I've misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. Like, I generally understood the Bible was, you know, don't have sex outside of marriage.

I think I generally somewhat understood that. I don't think I really fully embraced how big of a deal, how big of a teaching that was, until probably my freshman year of high school. So, I was dating a girl, and she was Baptist. I was not. And I went to her youth group, and her youth group had a little function. And then afterwards, they did kind of a teaching on this concept called true love waits.

And I'd never heard of that before. And they had this teaching on, yeah, you should commit to purity, this idea of chastity, that sex is in the confines of marriage. You should wait until you get married. And it was a smaller youth group, and everyone in that youth group had seemed to really sign one of these forms. And I was kind of the odd man out. And the person who was leading that took the forms and threw them right in front of me and said, anyone else want to sign it?

And I said, just sat silent, and I was just like, nah. I got no plans to follow any of this stuff. I was like, that's not for me. I have a girlfriend here. I have intentions for her. I have no plans to sign that at all.

Like, my thought process behind all of that was like, I did not realize the Bible had such a strong teaching on this at all. Now, what was good for me was, is that I had signed a purity commitment, whether I liked it or not. My short stature and personality at that time lent itself to that anyways. But I didn't have intentions for that. I became a Christian when I was 17, and I started to read the Bible, and was like, oh man, I've completely miscalculated and misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. So I was like, I need to course correct here.

I need to, out of the sexual brokenness that I was redeemed from, I need to absolutely rethink this. So I made some strict kind of rules for me and understanding of how I would approach this in future relationships. And fast forward a few years. In college, started dating my now wife. And as we started, you know, we went on a few dates. And then I was like, alright, like I want to, let's make this official.

I had this grand romantic gesture where I took some roses, and I took aspects of the fruit of the Spirit that I loved in her, and I wrote it down on some cards attached to these flowers. I had my friends deliver these roses one at a time throughout the day. And at the end of the day, I delivered the final rose. And like, let's make this official. Want to be my boo? Like I was, like, and we celebrated for five minutes.

And then I shifted gears into, alright, so, here are some of the rules as we're going to leave this relationship. Let me, here's some boundaries for us in how we approach our relationship. First, no back talk. No, just kidding. No, I was like, I was like, we, listen, we, I want us to guard our way when it comes to purity, when it comes to pursuing Jesus in our relationship. So I came in, like, really hard.

You guys, five, I'm talking, this is not a joke. It was five minutes of joy celebration. And then, here it is. I was like, I don't want us to kiss until we get super serious. I don't want us to be in a situation that might compromise ourselves. So, like, we're not going to be the kind of couple that's on the couch, in our dorm room, watching a movie close to one another.

We're not going to do that. I started to prescribe a whole bunch of boundaries for us. Because I knew my brokenness. I knew how quickly it could go off the rails. And I said, no, we're not going this way. And she said, absolutely.

So she agreed. And we followed these. Up until we got engaged, we still, like, I was still, like, up until we get married, this is what we're doing. When we kissed, I made sure it was brief. When we danced, we left room for Jesus. Like, we, we, we, my sister-in-law made fun of us because we had, like, all, like, ten different versions of a side hug that I didn't even know that we had.

So we did this. No one told me to do this. No one laid out the playbook and said, this is what you do. My intense personality reacted to the Bible's teaching on this. And I was like, this is what we're going to do. And we did all the way up until we got the day of our wedding.

The first time we ever made out was in front of camera and our wedding photos. And I know how ridiculous and over the top that sounds. Like, I can hear that. I know how over the top that sounds. And there are some more stories attached to that. I'm sure that our friends, some of the pastors here who have heard them would love to tell you at our expense.

Because we did look a little bit goofy. But, y'all, I knew myself. I knew what I was capable of. And I was like, we're not going down this road. And the Proverbs backed me up on this. It just did.

The overkill guardrails that I set for us were for a reason. I had tapped into significance of sex. That sex is deeply spiritual. It is an intimate act of giving not just your body, but the most vulnerable part of yourself to another. And the Bible has clear boundaries for this in the structure of man and wife. And outside of that, there are major consequences.

I mean, for years I've walked with couples. They're walking through sexual dysfunction in their marriage. And a lot of times you can draw a thread back to premarital sexual activity. I walk with people who are addicted to pornography and have been for decades. And it started when they were 10 years old. This isn't just a physical act.

It's bigger than this. And the Proverbs realizes this and is impressing upon us the importance of taking this very seriously. So the Proverbs is blunt and it is serious on this. But it offers real wisdom. So whether you are single and celibate, whether you are single and desiring marriage, whether you're engaged, whether you are a newlywed, been married a few years, 10 or 30 years, the Proverbs has real wisdom here.

And my hope this morning is that we'd listen and that we'd respond. So let me pray for us and we'll walk through this. Lord, we love you. Some teachings are hard, but we need it for our souls. God, I pray that you would absolutely make this clear to our hearts, compelling to our hearts, that we would walk wisely. We ask this in Jesus' name.

Amen. All right, so we're mostly going to be walking through 5, 1 through 19. The first 5, 6, and 7 are three chapters that mostly deal with the subject matter of sex. I mean, you've been with us in Proverbs for a little bit. You've noticed that we take it topically and that we're, you know, there's one topic and it'll have a proverb here and a proverb here and they're kind of scattered. There are three, the majority of three whole chapters devoted to this subject.

So there's a lot of things that can be said. We don't have the space for it. We're mostly going to be in the first 19 verses of chapter 5. We will pull from some other places in Proverbs. But as we walk through these first 19 verses, I want us to see four different things.

We need to see the delusion of sexual sin. The delusion of sexual sin. Then we need to see the danger of sexual sin. Third, we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. And lastly, we're going to see that we need to drink ourselves full. Drink yourself full from what is good.

So that's what we're going to see as we walk through this. Let's start out in the first part, the delusion of sexual sin. We'll pick it back up in verse 1 of chapter 5. My son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. All right, so we said this at the front of Proverbs when we introduced it.

This mostly is Solomon giving advice to his son. This is a father speaking to his son. All right? So he's saying, here's some wisdom that your lips may guard knowledge. Now, when we hear some of the things he's going to say, we've got to contextualize it for ourselves. Because the example he's going to use for his son is an adulterous woman, a forbidden woman.

All right? Now, that's father to son. We take that, we put it into our context. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous woman. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous man. For some of you, that's going to be men and women in pornography.

You've got to contextualize this for yourself as you hear it. And that's what he is saying to his son. Pick it up in verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield. He says, lips of a forbidden woman. All right? What that means is, is that there is a woman who is not forbidden, and there are women who are forbidden. Otherwise, he would have just said woman.

So what's built into that is a basic theology of sex. That God has designed marriage for man and wife. It is made for that covenant marriage. It is a gift that God has given for marriage. Outside of it, it is forbidden. So it's very simple.

Are you married to him? Are you married to her? If not, then no. There is no, we're married in our hearts. There is no, we're common law. No, you have either made the marriage commitment, the covenant, or you have not.

If you have not, she is forbidden. Now, we don't know if Solomon is talking to his newly married son or if his son is about to get married. We don't have that direct information. But we do know that regardless, this is going to apply to his son. And he looks at him and he says, this woman, she has lips that drip honey. And that means that her lips look sweet.

There's an appeal to her. That her speech is seductive. It's smooth. It's soothing. It's going to lure you in. There's something appealing about her that would lure you in.

But the reality is, is that she's actually wormwood. Wormwood is a plant that it smells nice. It tastes awful. It is bitter. It looks like honey, but it's actually wormwood. And even more to the point, it's like a sword that will thrust into your chest and destroy you.

Lust is delusional. It's delusional. It's chasing after mirage that will never actually deliver water. It only delivers poison. It delivers death. Sheol is the Old Testament word for this.

It's the place of death. It's delusional. And it's not subtle. So when you get to chapter 7 on this, it's blatant in our face. It says, she is loud and wayward. Her feet do not stay at home.

Now in the street. Now in the market. And at every corner she lies in wait. That even in their time, there's a pervasiveness to the delusion. That it's mainstream. That it is loud.

It doesn't stay home. It's in the marketplace. It's in the street corner. It's everywhere. The delusion is mainstream. And that is true in our culture.

It's in the majority of TV shows. It's all over the internet. I mean, sex outside of marriage is the standard. We're the ones that are the outsiders in culture. It's the standard. But premarital sex, any sex outside of marriage, it divorces pleasure and intimacy from union and commitment.

It removes them from one another. That's part of why breakups after sex are very difficult. You've given a real part of yourself. There's something deeply spiritual that you've given to somebody else without the life commitment that goes with it. And it's standard fare for our culture. It just is.

That after a few dates that you actually enter into sexual activity. That's fairly normal. And the Bible says that's delusional. I mean, what if you're on a date after the third date, the check's coming. He pulled out his phone and said, look, I found us. Three bed, two bath house.

Charmer. I mean, just look at this. They've renovated this. Oh, man. I talked to a lender, all right? And I think we can buy this, right?

We're pre-approved. Let's go. I got a real estate agent we're going to meet with. As soon as we leave the restaurant, let's go take a look at this house. You in? You would look at him and say, thank you for dinner.

I'm going. And we're not going to talk again. Because that's crazy that you would enter into that type of commitment with somebody. And that's the Bible's approach to sex. That it's delusional that we would actually do that. No, but our culture has made it mainstream.

It's pervasive. It's even pervasive when it comes to sexual exploration and sexual identity. Our culture is absolutely going for this. It's not just that you have to tolerate someone's gender exploration. You have to accept it wholesale. Accept wholesale that we're non-binary or you're hateful.

We just went through a whole month of June that was absolutely in your face. That you have to not just accept this. You have to celebrate this. You have to be joyous about this. And I'm here to tell you that it won't bring joy. It looks like honey.

It finishes like one would. There's a reason why. The statistics show this. That for those who decide to transition their gender, the suicide rates are the same before and after. It doesn't actually bring satisfaction and joy. There's a reason why there are tons of people that are leaving the LGBTQ2 lifestyle.

Because they have encountered Christ and said, I want Him. This wasn't satisfying. I want something better. And someone proclaimed the gospel to them and they believed. It's wormwood. It does not bring satisfaction and joy.

But we have a culture that is loudly trumpeting sexual revolution, sexual self-realization as an ultimate joy. And it does not bring satisfaction. It does not bring joy. It is delusional. And it's also dangerous. The Proverbs makes this clear.

The danger of sexual sin. We need to see this. Verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. Lust leads to death. It's deadly. It leads to the path of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life.

Verse 6. Her ways wander. And she does not know it. And now, O sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. He's trying to help his sons see. It's dangerous, son.

Don't go this route. Don't chase after this. It is dangerous. This momentary pleasure. The thrill of casual sex. The quick escape to internet pornography.

It will lead your soul to death. Proverbs 7 captures this even more vividly. In Proverbs 7, he says in verse 22, All at once, she, all at once he follows her. As an ox goes to the slaughterer, or as a stag is caught fast, till an arrow pierces its liver. As a bird rushes into a snare, he does not know that it will cost him his life. I had a professor once that talked about there are slaughterhouses that have had problems with cows.

That when they would go to slaughter them, the cows would be very scared and very nervous. And there's a lot of hormones and chemicals that go throughout the cow that you don't want in steak when you actually eat it. So they had to find a way to really calm them down. One of the ways that one of these slaughterhouses figured the troubleshoot this was they started it. As they went up the conveyor belt, they played the sound of a nursing cow. A sweet, pleasant sound that lured them in until they were killed.

That's the picture here. Of an ox that's being led to the slaughterer, or a stag. This is a buck that comes out chasing the scent of a doe, thinking that I'm going to find something. And all of a sudden, a hunter with a compound bone releases an arrow and it pierces into its liver. Which, if you hunt, you know that's a really painful death. That's a bad shot.

It's a painful, painful death. We need to see this, Christians, we need to see the dangers of sexual sin. Because Satan takes far, I mean think about how many Christian leaders, how many pastors, how many community group leaders have been taken down by sexual sin. I mean is it because, as the culture would say, is it because that we are this sexually repressed people in a puritanical tradition that we've inherited for hundreds of years? No. No, we're sexually broken as the rest of culture.

No, it happens because it's easy and it works. It's effective. It's an effective strategy for taking down anyone who's a Christian. It works very simply. I mean you give a Christian who is in a tough season of marriage, a little fresh excitement from a co-worker. You give a woman who has a man in her life that gives a kind voice and kind speech and says nice things to her, lures her into his arms.

You give somebody who is stressed, working 70 hours a week at work, the access to pornography, that it lures you in. It's very easy. It's very effective. One commentator said it this way. He said, Satan shows the bait, but he hides the hook. Shows the bait, hides the hook.

He lures us in and he destroys us. He destroys marriages. He destroys the faith of single men and women. He leads us towards a love of the world that keeps us from following Christ. And Solomon is telling his son, don't do this. Don't go down this road.

In chapter 6, 27, he says it's like playing with fire. He says, can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? So sometimes you hear the question, how far physically can we go in our relationship while we're dating? Like where's the line here? Someone will ask, you know, what can I watch on TV? Like how much, what is too much sexual content?

Someone will ask, how close can I be, how much of an intimate friendship can I have to someone who's not my wife, who's not my husband? And Solomon says, I don't know how close of a blowtorch, how close can a blowtorch get to your chest? How close to the fire do you want to get before it burns you and it hurts you and it consumes you? We need to see the danger of sexual sin. And thirdly, we need to see that we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin.

Back to chapter 5, he says in verse 7, He says, stay away. Don't go near your house. You know where it is. Don't go. Like walk as far away as you can. Get away from her.

Get away from him. That's the Bible's treatment on this. In the New Testament, it says, flee sexual immorality. Flee. That's the only time you see it connected to a sin that's listed is fleeing. It's related to sexual immorality.

It doesn't say flee anger thoughts. It says flee sexual immorality. Get away from it. There's a reason why in Genesis 39 when Joseph is lured in and grabbed by Potiphar's wife that he literally runs out of his clothes, practically naked, out of there. He gets out of there. It's dangerous.

You've got to distance yourself. You've got to flee from it. Now, as a young Christian, I read this and I understood this. That's why I aggressively responded in our relationship. We lived in an awkward town for like 15 months because we understood. I was like, we're going to keep as far away from this as possible.

And here's the deal. I would rather you look as goofy and dorky as our relationship did. I would rather you look like that than darken the door of sexual sin. It's not worth it. We have to distance ourselves from this. I mean, and even sexual temptation that comes in thoughts, which is hard, right?

It's hard to control thoughts. It's hard when they come out of nowhere. Like you can have a bad dream the night before and you have sexually explicit images that are in your head when you wake up. There can be sexual content. You've got a storage of it back from years ago that just shows up in the middle of the day. You can be at the gym and all of a sudden temptation just comes in a moment.

That's a reality. But I love what Martin Luther says about this. He says, you can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair. And what he's saying is, you can't help it. Stuff's flying around sometimes. It's out there.

But you can keep it from making a nest in your hair. You can keep it from being implemented in your heart that actually leads to action. That you actually do have control over that power of the Holy Spirit. You absolutely can. So that when temptation comes, you can absolutely...

John Piper has a method on this called the Anthem Method. And I found it to be incredibly practical. And it's an acronym. And in it he says, A, avoid. Like when you do your best, if you can avoid it. Don't darken the door of her house, right?

Don't darken the door of this house. So avoid it as best you can. But when it comes, he says, say no. When sexual temptation comes, say no. If you have to verbally say it out loud, no. And then he says, turn your mind to Christ.

Christ. And one of the ways I've implemented this is that when temptation comes, that I think and I visually picture the bloody and beaten body of my Savior on the cross. I picture myself below the cross as blood is dripping down to know what my sin costs. And I turn my mind to Christ. And he says, hold Christ in your mind. Hold the gospel in your mind.

And then he says, enjoy him. What you ultimately want to do is enjoy him and realize that he's better than sex. He's better than anything this world can offer. And once you've enjoyed him and the thought and the temptation, the feeling has passed, he says, move on. Move on to something else. I found that to be incredibly practical and helpful for my soul in combating sexual sin and temptation.

Verse 9, it says, The reality of sexual sin is it leads to death. And it's a road that you might not come back from. It says that this picture is your honor being taken away, years being taken away, strangers taking away your strength, your flesh and body being consumed. That's the picture that's given here, is that I can enjoy a little bit of sexual sin now, but I'll be fine. I'll come back. Like, I'm young.

Like, I've got time to actually take this more seriously later, maybe when I get married. I love what Martin Lloyd-Jones, a British pastor from the 20th century, says about sin. I love when you apply it to sexual sin specifically. He says, Be careful how you treat God, my friends. You may say to yourself, I can sin against God, and then, of course, I can repent and come back and find God whenever I want Him. And you try it, and you will sometimes find that you not only cannot find God, but that you do not even want to.

You might actually go down this road, and by the end of it, you may not even want God anymore. That your soul has been so corrupted, that you're like, I don't want Jesus anymore. I've seen this over and over again. I've seen friends that were on fire for Christ. They were leaders, and all of a sudden, they pursued sexual sin. A few years later, they just left the faith.

They didn't want Jesus anymore. I've seen popular Christians, worship leaders do this. They pursue sexual sin. They don't come back, because they no longer love Christ, because it corrupts us. Verse 12 says, And you say how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers, or incline my ear to my instructors.

I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. He says, There's so much regret built in this, built into that. Don't hate discipline. Don't hate reproof. When someone comes to correct you on sexual sin, don't hate it. Oh, how he longed, that if he wouldn't have rejected this, that he's at the brink of utter ruin.

We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. One of the other ways this shows up in chapter 6, one of the ways that he's calling his son to distance himself from sexual sin, shows up in chapter 6, verse 32-34. He says, He who commits adultery lacks sense. He who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.

You'll see what he did at the top? He who commits adultery lacks sense. He's appealing to reason. That's another way that he's trying to help him see. It's unreasonable. It's illogical.

Don't do this. It can destroy you. It can wound you. It can dishonor you. It can bring disgrace upon you. Don't do this.

There's a book called The Purity Principle. It's by Randy Alcorn. It's really short. It's a small, I mean, it's a really quick read, and it's incredibly practical. If you struggle with lust and sexual temptation, I encourage you, buy that today. It is small and packed with wisdom.

And the bigger argument, the best argument for combating sexual sin is that you would enjoy Christ, so much so that as you love and worship Him and are satisfied with Him, that when sexual temptation comes, you're just like, no, no, no. I don't want that. I want Christ. But the reality is, is that's not always us. There are seasons where that's not enough, where we're struggling. And he says, and he gets real practical.

One of the principles that he lays out, is to reason your way out of it. He says, use reason. Use long, just like this right here. When I read that, and I read what he was kind of prescribing, I went, absolutely, I can do that. And one of the things I do, I know I've mentioned this in other sermons, is that I can play out a scenario in my head, like five years down the road. And I use that.

I use that to my benefit when it comes to sexual temptation, right? When it comes, I'm like, no, if I give into this, then it can lead to this. If it leads to this, then I might lead it into adultery. If it leads me into adultery, adultery, God absolutely will expose that. If he exposes that, man, I'm going to bring disgrace upon my marriage. My wife is going to have to deal with the pain of that.

That I'm going to bring disgrace upon my church. That I, my kids are going to, I've seen this, that kids, once they go through this, and they see their parents get divorced, because of this, they start getting frustrated and angry. They get angry with God. And I'm like, oh no, my kids might not follow Jesus anymore. I'll do it. I'll play it out to 10 years down the road, if that's what it takes.

I'm not taking that step. I'm absolutely going to stop right now, because I don't want to go into destruction. But I, I think you should absolutely do that. You should play out the scenario. You should, you should process and think, is this worth it? Is it worth it to look at this online?

Is it worth it to have this conversation that I know is risky with this other person? Is that worth it? Is it worth seeing my kids every other weekend? You absolutely should play that out in your head. It should cause you to pause deeply. You should reason your way as much as you can to say this isn't worth it.

And he goes on to say, he says, for jealousy makes a man furious. And that, that's a reality as well. It's another, just nugget that he gives. I had a manager one time. I worked for, I worked at Zaxby's for one summer. And my manager, I found out years later, I had an affair with his wife, and the, the, the jealous boyfriend came after him.

He actually was killed. I mean, absolutely, whatever it takes, whatever bit of reason you can come with, absolutely, if it helps you distance yourself from sexual sin, do it. By any godly means necessary. That means that some of you, I've got to get rid of your smartphones. You've got to get a dumb phone. There's a, I think there's a light phone, I get the advertisement all the time.

There's some really nice dumb phones out there. But you should. Absolutely, if it meant your sanctification, it meant you knowing more of Christ, it meant you not falling into the snare of sexual sin, you should do it. Some of you are like, I need it for my work. Okay. If you truly need it for work, then absolutely, you should get some, you should get some software on it.

There's Covenant Eyes, which is a, which is a porn blocking software that you can, you can download onto your phone. You can bring others into accountability on that. There's a new app that I heard about called Canopy that you can download onto your phone. Actually, it literally will, it has artificial intelligence that will literally analyze images as they come across and blur them up, blur them before they show up. I mean, there's helpful tools for us. Some of you have got to cut some people out of your life.

The reasonable thing for you to do is to get some people out of your life. That person who slides into your DMs, that person who messages you out of nowhere, the person who messages you, who says you up, which the only reasonable response to that is no, leave me alone, delete. You got to cut some people out of your life. When I was dating Anna, y'all, I told you I was intense. I guess I am intense, but it was more intense in college. And there was this moment, I worked at a resort one summer, and there was this, there was this co-worker that I had, she was Russian, I was nice to her, she took that niceness as an advance of some sort, and was like, I honestly really think she was like, green card.

I mean, she was there working for the summer, and I was just like, okay, she kind of came out of nowhere with this really long letter, this huge love letter, that she wanted me, and I was just like, there was probably a way to go about this that was more gracious, but I took the letter and I said, this is never, ever, ever going to happen. And then I walked away. It's a more gracious way to go about that, but I was like, I've got a girlfriend, and I love her, and I love Jesus, and no, you need, I'm, there are better ways to go about it, but you, the approach is there. You need to take this seriously.

There are people you need to cut out of your life. Some of your relationships where you've got to hit the reset button, that you've got to hit the reset button, and if y'all can't absolutely change the way that y'all go about your relationship, then you need to break up, and I am dead serious about that, because the road to sexual sin leads to death, and I don't want that for you. Some of you have got to have some really hard conversations. Some of you have got to delete some apps off your phone. You've got to get rid of Tinder. You've got to get rid of Instagram.

You've got to do whatever it takes to distance yourself. Any godly means necessary. Now, these are kind of the negative means of dealing with sexual sin that the proverb spends a lot of time on, but he also shifts into something different in Proverbs 5 that I don't want us to miss. He says, makes the argument, drink yourself full from what is good. Drink yourself full from what is good. Verse 15 says, drink water from your own cistern.

Cistern is a big, they would carve these out, they would hold water. Drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets. Now, this is for the person who is married. That part of the strategy is drink water from your own cistern.

Now, that's actually deeply erotic language that if you get into the Hebrew, it's a little more explicit. But the, the, the, the, the, what he is saying there is that you need to have sex with your own wife. You need to drink yourself full from your own wife. And we apply that also. You need to drink yourself full from your own husband. Contrary to popular opinion from people who have never read the Bible, the Bible isn't anti-sex.

It's not. It's very pro-sex when it's in the design that God has made for it in marriage. I mean, you get to 1 Corinthians 7 and he makes, I mean, it's really practical. He says that you should, the only time you should abstain from sex in marriage is for the sake of prayer. And once you've had this season of prayer, quickly, quickly come back. Do not deny each other their conjugal rights is what he's getting at.

I mean, he, I mean, 1 Corinthians 7, 4, he says something that was so counter-cultural in its own day and is still counter-cultural today but for different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 7, 4 he says, for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. And in their day, 2,000 years ago, telling a Roman citizen that your wife has authority over your body for the sake of pleasure was crazy. I mean, you had a wife that you were married to that was for your line and your money and you had women on the side that were for your pleasure.

That was the Roman lifestyle and Paul just comes in and says, no, she has authority over your body for the sake of intimacy and it's still counter-cultural today. To say in a culture that promotes sexual self-autonomy that your spouse has authority over your body, that your husband has authority over your body, that your wife has authority over your body is outrageous. But that's because marriage is mysterious. It's a mystery. The two become one flesh in a way that you're bound together in a covenant of marriage where you absolutely do not deny one another, that you absolutely come together that you would love each other with erotic love.

That's the command that you would fight for this. I mean, you can look at the Song of Solomon and read that book and it upholds this erotic love that you would have between man and wife and Proverbs 5 gives us a snapshot of that. Going into the last three verses, it says, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. A lovely dear, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love.

And Solomon looks at his son and he says, rejoice in the wife of your youth. It, rejoice in her. She's a lovely doe, which I wouldn't use that as a come online. It doesn't translate for us today, but what he's getting at there is that she's graceful and beautiful. He says, he has erotic language. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.

At all times. That you would enjoy one another. That you would be so intoxicated with her love that she would stagger you. That she would knock you out. That is what he is getting at here. Now, I understand that sometimes this is difficult in marriage.

That there is sexual dysfunction that shows up in marriage. And it's one of the reasons that we absolutely, as pastors, are willing to meet with you and walk with you through that. We care about intimacy in marriage because there's a lot of different complexities to that. There's a lot of complexities at different stages in marriage where sex is difficult. We're absolutely willing to have that conversation and to help you see the truth of this. Because it's good for you and it's good for your spouse.

I had a professor in seminary. He mentioned this story one time where he had this woman in their church. They would always come up to him and say lots of nice things, flattering things. And his wife said, that woman likes you. And he's like, no, no, she's just being nice. And they just disagreed on him.

And what happened was is that every time that woman came up to him, she walked right up beside him and she stood right beside him. Every time, she stood in the way between him and destruction. Now he later recognized, he figured out, yeah, that woman actually did like me. But she wasn't going to wait for him to realize that. She took ownership of their sanctification and stood in the way between him and destruction. And he taught that as an application for marriage.

And what I found incredibly helpful when you apply this to the subject matter of intimacy is that you would love your spouse so much that you would stand in between them and destruction. that you would love them so much that you would stand in between them and fall into pornography. Stand in between them and somebody at their place of work. That you would love them. That you would pursue them. That you would let them drink you full. And you would drink them full.

That you would let them drink of your cistern. That you would apply this in a way that is for your good and for the good of your spouse. Now, Solomon, he makes this argument that sexual sin is delusional. That it leads to death. That you should distance yourself. And that you should drink from your own cistern.

Now, here's how it applies whether you are married or not. Whether you are in a marriage or whether you are seeking marriage or whether you are celibate. Here's how this applies. There is something far better than sex. Far better than even godly sex. Jeremiah teaches that we believe that God, that Jesus is a flowing fountain that is better than the broken cisterns that we have made for ourselves.

The broken cisterns that we have carved out, that we have hewn out for our self. And when you apply this to sex, what we believe is is the pinnacle of pleasure. The pinnacle of pleasure in this life is not erotic sex. It is not sexual fulfillment. We believe that the pinnacle, the highest pleasure, the highest good is oneness with Christ. It is the worship of our triune God.

So what that means is is the best sex you could ever have. The best possible sex you could ever have. Hear this. Pales in comparison to the pleasures of Christ. Pales in comparison. The feeling that you will have in His presence when you are in a glorified new heaven, new earth, new body.

The feeling that you will have before Christ for eternity is better than the temporary moment of pleasure in this life. You have to believe this. If you don't believe this, you will follow down the road to destruction. You will believe that sex is better than Jesus and it will take you to places that you never thought you would go. And the Bible sits here and it pleads with you to see Christ as better, to see worship of Him as better, to have an eternal mindset that looks at all of this and says, no, He's worth the denial of myself. He's worth the denial of my flesh.

He's worth my worship because it leads to life with Him and the other road to be bluntly leads to hell. Now, that's the Proverbs. I don't know if you've been with us in Proverbs. it speaks very bluntly and it speaks very bluntly about sexual sin and this is heavy and it is corrective, I know, in the sorest of places in our broken sexual stories. I know that hits in some really difficult places. That is why I am thankful that the Bible isn't reduced to the Proverbs, that we have the whole story. I'm thankful we read Proverbs in the light of the rest of Scripture.

There's a moment in Jesus' ministry in John 4 where He goes out of His way to Samaria which is way out of place for where He was going in His ministry. He goes to Samaria and He goes to this well outside of Samaria at the right time of the day to meet a specific person, a woman. And He meets this Samaritan woman at this well and they start talking about this well and she quickly realizes that He's not just talking about the well, He's talking about something bigger, that Jesus is teaching this concept of living water, that He provides living water, that what He provides is better than this world. And as He's teaching this concept that we just talked about, that worship of Him is better than anything else in this world, He points out something.

He points out her sexual brokenness. He says, yes, you've had five marriages and the man you're living with now is not your husband. He points that out. And in the midst of pointing out her sexual brokenness, He makes the offer. He says, worship me. I have living water that will satisfy you.

That you will be able to worship something that is so much better than anything this life could offer. And He makes that offer to us. Those of us that have sexually broken past, those of us who are living in a sexually broken present, Jesus makes the offer of living water to our souls. He makes the offer of grace to us. He stands at the well with you and says, I'm here. Would you drink of me?

I'm here. I've got grace. I know your story. I know your brokenness. I know the darkest moments, the darkest thoughts, the darkest things in your soul. I've seen it and I want you.

I want you to drink of this well. He makes that offer that you might come and taste and see that He is better than sex. That you might see that His blood, that it washes away our sin. We're about to sing a song that says, What can wash away our sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. He makes that offer that in our sexual brokenness, there is blood that covers us if you come to Him.

And my hope is that you would. My hope is that you would come to Him. He has grace for our sexual brokenness. He has healing for our stories. and He offers a better one for you. And my hope is you take it today. The band is going to come up.

And I just want us to take a few moments and I want us to sit in that reality. Some of you have heard this and this feels so foreign to you because the gospel feels foreign. I want you to know very clearly that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to be broken, His blood to be shed for you so that you would not be enslaved to the pleasures of this world but you might find freedom in Christ. My hope this morning is that you would place faith in Him. That you would not delay. That you would not chase the road of sexual sin to death.

He offers life. He is at the well. My hope is that you would drink the water. There are those of us that hear this, that hear really the bluntness of Proverbs and we feel the brokenness in our souls. We are reminded of things that happened last night, that happened last week. We are reminded of things that happened years ago.

When you place faith in Jesus, do you know what He sees in the midst of your most sexually broken moments? You know what God the Father sees? For those of us who are in Christ, He sees the spotless, perfect record of the Lamb. He sees your sin covered by His blood. There is grace for our brokenness. There is grace for our sin. receive it.

Know that He's covered your sin. And in the grace that He gives you, may you look at the costly nature of His blood and say, I don't want this lifestyle of sexual. I don't want pornography. I don't want continuous, empty sex. I want Jesus. For those of you that are working through broken parts of your marriage, Jesus stands at the well.

He wants to bring healing to your story. You can't bring healing to your story unless you start to walk in the light. You need people in your group. You need to have some conversations with your group leaders, maybe with some of us as pastors, so that you can see the beautiful design of sex for your marriage and the intimacy that it brings for you. My hope is that we'd sit for the next few moments as we hear these words, that we allow the Holy Spirit to go to work on our hearts and we'd respond. Let me pray.

Lord, we love You. We pray that You would absolutely go to work on our hearts. There is so much brokenness in this room, so much brokenness in my heart and the hearts of those who are here. We need You. For those who have not believed, God, I pray You'd open their heart this morning that they might believe. For those that are wrestling with sexual sin, I pray they'd see all of this.

It's delusional, but it does not bring joy. I pray that we'd see the danger of it. I pray that we would absolutely flee from it. That You go to work on our heart right now, that in our community groups this week, that You would bring stuff to light, that we would walk through together. Lord, bring healing so we desperately need it. We ask this in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Wisdom and Making Decisions

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. And grow in decisions. So, one of the worst decisions that I've made in our 10 years of marriage came in year one. Shocker. So, we moved to Louisville, Kentucky to go to seminary and we really wanted a dog.

So, Friday came, getting ready to go find this animal. It's across the river in Indiana. Look at the weather and my wife says, hey, there are, they're calling for tornadoes. Should we wait until tomorrow? And I said, because I'm from South Carolina and I know all about tornadoes. I said, nah, we'll be fine.

It's a bunch of hype. Like, they hype it up and all of a sudden, like, you know, it blows a trailer or a car over. It's not that big of a deal. We'll be fine. Get in the car. Let's go.

So, 30 minutes up the road. I look at the sky and it's green. It's a color I've never seen before. And it was mildly terrifying. I was turning to AM radio. Sure enough, tornadoes had been spotted.

So, we take cover in a gas station. They were kind of talking it up like, oh, yeah, this tornado hit this town, this town. And I kind of looked outside as, you know, a professional meteorologist and said, you know, it cleared up a little bit. Let's go for it. Get back in the car. Drive about a mile down the road and the bottom dropped out.

I mean, sheets of rain, wind howling. A police and an ambulance took cover. And I said, oh, no. Fishtailed the car right back to the gas station. And we hunkered down. My wife was huddling the toilet because that was the one thing that had in-ground plumbing, questioning her decision to marry me.

And for 15 minutes, wind was pounding and shaking the gas station. Rain was falling. And finally, it stopped. Called my dad. I was like, look, we are in this part of Kentucky about a crossover of the river. Can you, are we good?

Like, can we actually go and get this dog? Still committed to getting the dog. He said, yeah, it's passed over. Went and got the dog. On the way back, saw some of the destruction. Turns out, in the Midwest, they mean business when they say tornadoes.

It's a different ball game. About 30 miles west of where we were was a town called Henrysville. When an F5 tornado a mile wide leveled that town and killed 37 people. And then when it came to the Kentucky-Indiana line where we were, it turned into thunderstorms. When it picked back up into eastern Kentucky, it turned into an F3 tornado. It was a big learning experience.

And it was a terrible decision. Because that dog has ended up being the worst dog I've ever had. I loathe this creature. We've had him for 10 years. He's awful. If you've been around my house, you know this.

He's terrible. And it almost got us killed. It was a bad decision for so many reasons. And I look back at that. And, you know, not since we moved back. I feel like I've made a lot better decisions.

I've left all my bad decisions in Kentucky. But I look at that and I look at some of the other ways that I've made decisions. And realized that I just, I kind of made it from my gut. I was like, yeah, we'll be fine. And it put us in dire consequences. Death.

Right? It just made the decision from the gut and thought it was going to be okay. Not realizing that the Midwest, when they have tornado events, they mean something. That's a lot bigger deal. I could have done a lot of things. I could have done more research.

I could have called the people who I just met and been becoming friends with and just asked them, hey, when, you know, when the Torkon says 10 out of 10, is that a big deal? And they would have said, yes. No one's going anywhere. Hunker down. Like I could have learned a lot of things. But I didn't.

I didn't. I made a quick decision. We ran with it. And it almost cost us dearly. Well, it did cost us dearly in the fact that we got that dog. But this is what happens.

And the Proverbs has wisdom for us. It has wisdom for us in how to make decisions. And that's what we're going to look at today. We're going to look at the wisdom that the Proverbs gives us on decision making. If some of you have made decisions, you're going to make decisions, right? What are you going to study in school?

Are you going to play this sport or that sport? What college are you going to go to? What will you major in when you get there? What Job are you going to take? Where are you going to take a job? Who are you going to date?

Are you going to marry this person? Right? How long are you going to work? Are you going to retire? When are you going to retire? What are you going to do in your retirement?

You have a lot of decisions that show up in life. And the Proverbs gives us some principles in how to make those decisions wisely. And that's what we're going to look at today. We're going to open God's word. We're going to see from the Proverbs five different principles for how to make wise decisions. So let me pray and then we will jump into the text.

Father, we thank you that you've given us your word. God, I pray that you would absolutely open our hearts to receive it. I pray that we would not hear this and reject it, but we would be doers of the word. And we would implement these principles so that we can grow in decision making. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

All right. So these are five different principles that come from the Proverbs. These are not necessarily step by step. You can choose to do that if you want to. All right.

But sometimes decisions that, you know, life is messy. All right. But these are five different principles that you should apply from the Proverbs in order to be wise decision makers. So first principle. Slow down. Slow down.

And I have some kind of directives if you want. This helps your head. It helps your brain a little bit. Stop. When you go to make a decision, stop. All right.

The problem is, is that we make decisions too quickly because we think we're right. We think we're the best source of knowledge. Proverbs 12, 15 says, the way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. We think we're right in our own eyes. We think our wisdom and what we're drawing from is the way to go. And listen, the problem is, is that we're wrong.

The problem is, is that we are actually a lot of times ignorant. And it's okay to be ignorant. Ignorant does not mean stupid. Ignorant means you lack knowledge. And the reality is, on a whole host of issues in life, you don't know what you don't know. You are ignorant.

And wisdom is embracing this, acknowledging that yes, you are ignorant, but in your ignorance, you would choose to operate wisely. You choose to seek and to grow and to learn and to not move quickly. And that is the problem. Proverbs 19, 2 says, desire without knowledge is not good. And whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. Proverbs 21, 5 says, the plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance.

But everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. The problem is, is that we are too hasty. We operate too quickly. We see something. We make a decision. We don't do our diligence, our due diligence in deciding.

So you see this a lot of times in real estate. You'll see some people get excited about opening a restaurant. And they get excited. They pull their money together. They say, we're going to buy this building. We're going to open a restaurant.

They buy the building. They pour a million dollars into renovating to get all excited about this restaurant. And then right when they're getting ready to open, they realize they didn't check the ordinances of that area. And they can't get a beer and liquor license, which if you do restaurants, is very important to your bottom line. And they're stuck because they can't do anything. This happens all the time.

People get excited. They jump on something. They move too hastily. And it leads to, as the proverb says, poverty. It leads to self-destruction. Younger people, and when I say younger people, I mean under the age of 40, we are notoriously bad at this.

Setting on a decision when you are my age feels like an eternity. Right? Because we're like, go. Come on. Let's go.

Let's make a decision. Let's pull the trigger. Let's do something. That's how we operate. You know, people say, well, we love each other. So, come on.

Let's just go ahead. Let's get married. People say, oh, yeah, the job, it's in a city. It pays more. Sure. Take it.

Let's do this. We move too quickly. And while that can save a lot of time on the front end, you pay for it in the back end. Right? It makes life a lot more difficult. It makes what happens out of that even harder, especially when you cut corners.

If you've ever done a home project where you cut corners, where you move too quickly, you know you'll pay for it. With a day's more of work, with five more trips to Lowe's, it happens. When you move too hastily, you end up paying for it in the end. I want you to think of, and seriously, I want you to actually think about this. I want you to think of the decisions you've made in the past that were very bad. You've got some.

Maybe not getting caught in a tornado death bad. But you've got some decisions you can pull from that were bad. Ask yourself, how quickly did you make those decisions? A couple of minutes? A couple of hours? A day or two?

How long did it take you to make a decision? The reason that we need to slow down is we need time to process. We need time to evaluate whether this is wise, whether this is good, whether this is what God wants us to do. If you don't do that, you operate from your own gut. And as we saw before, we think we're wise in our own eyes. We think our gut is accurate.

And a lot of times, it is not. You have to train yourself to pump the brakes. Stop. When you've got a big decision, even some of the smaller decisions, just slow down and stop. Don't move too hastily. Once you've done this, principle two.

Go to the Lord. Go to the Lord. For a directive, stop, all right, and look up. All right? Go to the Lord. Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. It says, trust in the Lord wholeheartedly. Don't lean on your own insight. Don't lean on your own gut when you come to make decisions. The Lord is calling us to look up and to acknowledge Him. And if you acknowledge Him, if you seek Him earnestly in decision making, it says, your paths will be made straight.

It will go easier. It will go straighter for you, generally. The wise realize this. The wise realize this. That's why they pause in decision making and they turn to the Lord for insight. My question is, do we do that?

And think of some of the decisions that you make in life. And ask yourself, did you acknowledge the Lord in a way that was earnest? That you came to Him earnestly seeking Him when it came to time to buy a house? Or when it came time to choose a job? Or to say yes to a date? Or to say yes to marriage?

Or who to marry? When it came to decisions for your kids and where they might need to go to school? When it came to retirement? Did you take the time to earnestly seek the Lord? Or did you rely on your own insight? Did you humble yourself before the Lord?

One of the easiest first questions for, first actions for you to take. And questions for you to ask. Is what does the Bible say? When it comes to a decision, open up His word. And a lot of times, the Bible speaks very clearly on some things. And once it speaks clearly, you can just respond.

So it says, you have the question, should I move in with my girlfriend? No. The Bible speaks clearly. No, you should not. It says, flee from sexual immorality. You should not put yourself in a position where that would be a consistent temptation.

You shouldn't put yourself in a position that might mar your Christian witness. No, you should not. The Bible speaks clearly to that. You might ask myself, oh man, should I report this income to the IRS? At tax time? Should I admit that I made this on that?

Yes. Yes, you should. The Bible speaks clearly to this. Pay to Caesar. Jesus teaches it. Pay to Caesar what is Caesar's.

Pay to the Lord's what is the Lord's. Absolutely. Pay your taxes honestly. We should seek the word on this when it comes to decisions. And as we seek God's word, as we open it up, we should also pray. And pray earnestly.

Now, here's what happens. If you're a Christian, you've been following Jesus for a little bit, you know this proverb. You're familiar with it. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. So when it comes to make decisions, maybe you've got a meeting that you need to, it's going to have an important decision.

What do you do before your meeting? You pray. Right? Got an email that comes in that's going to be kind of how you write this, how you decide on this is going to be important. You pray. And what happens is, is that we reduce this proverb to a mere checking of a box.

Where it's like, okay, I prayed. I'm good. Now I decide. Now, I'm not against praying before meetings. We do it as elders. All right?

I'm not against praying before making decisions. But what happens is, is that if we reduce this, there's just a formula where it's just, I need to just come before the Lord, pray, and then figure it out myself. You're still operating out of your own gut. You're still reasoning from yourself. As opposed to earnestly seeking the Lord and listening to what he might have to say. Listening to how he might speak into the situation.

Proverbs 16, 1 through 3 says, We need more than operating off of our gut. We need more than checking a box to pray. We need to earnestly seek the Lord. Because our, as it says, our plans are not wise. Our plans that come from our heart are not wise. They are not good.

We need the Lord to weigh, it says, our spirit. Now, from the Hebrew into English, the literal, literal, literal word is spirit. But what the meaning is being conveyed there, which you'll see in other translations, is motive. That your motives might be weighed. Part of decision making and coming before the Lord and seeking him is having the Lord weigh your motives. Giving the time and the space to see whether your motives are self-centered.

To whether they're self-interested. And they're not in the interest of the good of others. You need time and space for the Holy Spirit to work on your heart. And you really need the Holy Spirit to be a prosecuting attorney. That actually shows and reveals what's going on in your heart. There are times where my wife and I, we get in a disagreement or an argument about a decision that needs to be made.

And we go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And we've got to take some time to keep thinking apart. And it's mostly I need time for her to realize that she's wrong. And that she would come to her senses and realize that I have great wisdom. And based off of a brilliant track history, you guys. So I give her time.

And in the quiet before the Lord, he starts to work. He starts to prod on my heart. And when it happens, guys, when this happens, I'm not saying this is good. But when it happens, I just get frustrated. Because I'm like, ugh. I've seen where this goes.

I know it's happening here. He's going to start revealing sin. He's going to start pointing at things. He's going to start saying, 1 Peter 3, 7. Live with your wife in an understanding way. And you haven't been doing that.

He's going to start showing my self-interest and my selfish ways. And I'm going to have to repent. And it's going to be tiresome. And I'm prideful. And I want to be right. But I might be wrong here.

You see how when you give this space before the Lord, how he goes to work on our souls. We need time for that. He's going to weigh our selfish motives. He's going to weigh our self-interest. And that takes more than a quick prayer. That takes earnestly opening up the Bible, singing him a prayer, listening for the Lord to speak.

We need this space. We need to stop. We need to look up. And what the Proverbs teaches next, in abundance, is this third principle. Go to one another. Go to one another.

So stop, look up, and then look side to side. The Proverbs over and over and over. There are a lot of Proverbs on going to those around you. It's not just two heads are better than one. It is multiple heads are better than your own. And we have to buy into this idea that a multitude of counselors, a multitude of advisors is good for us.

Proverbs 12, 15, we read that earlier. It says, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. But a wise man listens to advice. We need advice that is not of ourselves. Proverbs 15, 22 says, without counsel, plans fail. But with many advisors, they succeed.

Proverbs 11, 14 says, where there is no guidance, a people falls. But in an abundance, in an abundance of counselors, there is safety. An abundance of counselors, an abundance of voices speaking into your decisions. The problem is, is that we are very Western-minded. We are very individualistic. That's how we're built as Westerners.

We think within ourselves. We don't think with a communal lens. And when you take the fact that we're Western individualists, and you multiply that by the fact that we are Americans, we are very confident. Our students are ranked like, it changes every year, 25th in math, 27th in science. You know what they're ranked number one in? Confidence.

We are, and that's not just students. That's all the way up. We are a very confident bunch. I'm going to confidently celebrate how America is great today. With grilling out and with fireworks. Amen.

That is awesome. But the problem is, is when you take that mindset of confidence, overlap by the fact that we are Western individualists, we don't think with a communal lens. We don't openly invite people into decision-making. We think that's a solo act. And the Proverbs aggressively, aggressively comes at that. We see it over and over and over again, how this plays out even in our own church.

You've seen it in community groups. All of a sudden, somebody shows up to a community group, and they say, all right, you guys, taking a job, and we're moving away next week. And it's like, what? You've been in this group for three years? Did you talk to anybody in our group? Have you sought wisdom or counsel from anybody in this?

Did you just up and decide to leave and not tell anyone beforehand? No, the Proverbs says that's foolishness. Someone will show up and they'll say, I'm engaged. And it's like, to do what? Engaged to a human? To that guy you've been dating for a month?

Did you talk to anyone about this? You have people in your life that love you, that care for you. Did you seek us out on this? People say, I'm decided that, you know, they'll send an email or they'll post it on a group chat and say, all right, guys, I've decided we're going to check out another church. And we've been here for a few years, but we decide, we pray, and we feel like this is where the Lord's leading us. And it's like, what?

You haven't talked to anybody in your group. Did you talk to the pastors? Have you talked to anyone? You just decided all by yourself that you're just going to leave and you did it in an email? And let me pause for a second. Coaching for those of you that are on the receiving end of this.

Don't clap. When someone says they made a decision that was big and they just come and present it as fact and they're moving on, don't like it in a group chat. Don't clap and say, pray and then it goes well. And it's like, no, no, no, pause. There's correction neither. The Proverbs aggressively corrects this mindset.

It calls us to trust in the collective wisdom in one another. Trust in the Holy Spirit in one another. So when somebody says, the Holy Spirit told me, it's like maybe there's some biblical precedent for that. But the Holy Spirit is in one another. When you have five people that love you, that know you, that know your track record, that know your history, that know your sin and have the Holy Spirit in them. And you have openly just said, the Lord has told me something.

You need to be cautious. As if the Lord only speaks to you and not those around you. We need to hear this. We need to not rely on our own intuition. On our own experience before the Lord. We need this.

Y'all, I, this trust in the abundance of a counselor's, that there's safety in that. I live by this. All right. I make decisions sometimes that are too hasty. As you heard at the very beginning of this. I make decisions too quickly.

I don't acknowledge the Lord enough. I'm not earnestly seeking Him enough. But I live by this. Because I just accept that I'm fairly ignorant in a lot of circumstances. I've embraced that. That I'm a generalist.

I know, if you know me, I know a little about a lot of things. I'm not what you would call an expert. And I just, I find safety in other people. I reach out to our pastors on a regular basis. I talk to my group. I'm talking to people from Texas.

To Louisville. All across the country. I want to make sure that I've got guardrails. That I'm thinking through this carefully. We need this. We need to reject this Western individualistic.

I can do this on my own Lone Ranger mindset. Because the Proverbs looks at that and says, it's foolish. It says, you are a fool for thinking that you could do this all on your own. We have blind spots here. And the Proverbs aggressively corrects this. And my hope is, is we would not hear this and reject it.

But we let the Spirit go to work on us and realize we need the collective wisdom in one another. Proverbs 18, 1 through 2. It says, whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. He breaks out against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. So if you can humble yourself to actually talk to others.

To invite them in to speak in. You should listen. You should not be just concerned with offering your opinion and using them as a sounding board. You ever talk to somebody where that's the case, where you're talking to them and it's clear they're not listening. All they're doing is they're formulating their next opinion. They're formulating their next thought.

And they're not listening. It's foolishness. Now the Bible calls us to listen. When someone's talking to you, listen. Actively fight to listen to what they are saying. And they may be saying things that are corrective in heart.

If they love you enough, that's the hope. Proverbs 10, 17 says, One of the reasons I love our church is because we don't pedestal our pastors. In fact, we probably, to the other extreme, we kind of shame each other. As you've heard over and over again, if you've been with us long enough. I love the fact that we don't pedestal one another because it doesn't elevate us to a place where someone could come to us and with the right heart and mindset correct us. I've been corrected by other pastors.

I've been corrected by group members. I've been corrected by friends and family in this church. And I need this. I need correction. I need people in my life that are pointing and saying, I don't think you're thinking about this the right way. I need people, this happened about a month ago, where my wife and I, we got an argument about something in front of our group.

We feel comfortable enough to have that argument. And my posture was off. And then later, one of our group members just said, hey bro, you were completely off there. We need this type of correction. You need people in your life that will do this. It's one of the reasons that I love Raz Bradley.

Raz Bradley is one of our pastors. He's more behind the scenes guy. He's really annoying. And I invite his annoying takes into my life all the time. We think differently. We operate differently.

We look at situations differently. And all the time I'm calling him. I'm messaging him. I'm like, Raz, help me think of this. And it's obnoxious. Because he's going to push on things.

He's going to prod in my heart. And he's going to tell me I'm wrong. He's going to tell me other things as well. But I need that. I need that kind of voice in my life. I openly invite it.

Because I know I need this type of reproof in my life. I need people speaking into my life. And sometimes what they might say isn't helpful. I'm not saying that off the back end of telling you about Raz. But I'm telling you, sometimes you need to be discerning.

Because sometimes what they say is not correct. Proverbs 14, 15 says, The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps. So invite counselors. Invite advisors. Invite people into your life. Invite your group to speak in.

And sometimes they're not going to say the most helpful things. It's going to happen. They're not inerrant. They will make mistakes. You'll hear somebody in group. You'll tell a story.

And all of a sudden they'll go, You know, I think you losing your wedding ring was a sign. I think that's a sign. I think what God might be telling you is, Is that you're not finding happiness in your marriage. And that you might be rethinking all of this. And it's like, No. No, no, no, no.

That's dumb. It happens. Sometimes people don't know what to say. They fill the void with things. Alright? You listen.

And you take what they say. And you filter through the word of God. You filter through the collective wisdom of one another. That's what we're called to do. Last point. I've cut out a ton of Proverbs on this.

I mean, just one more point on this. Younger people. And we qualify this. Even younger people. If you are college-aged and below. So if you're college-age, high schoolers, middle schools.

Right now. Listen up. I want you to hear this proverb. 15.5 A fool despises his father's instruction. But whoever heeds reproof is prudent.

Don't despise your parents' instruction. Your dad has lived twice as long as you. Your mom has twice as much life experience as you. Do not just say they're stupid and move on. Listen. If you are younger, you are ignorant.

And that's okay. No. I don't mean that to be a joke. I mean that very seriously. It is okay to be ignorant. Part of wisdom when you're younger is acknowledging that you're ignorant.

And that's okay. You don't know what you don't know. It's part of growing up. But for you to just openly and quickly reject your parents' wisdom is foolishness. And if you think, if you think they're wrong and your parents are not inerrant, they do make mistakes. If you think they're wrong, open up the Bible.

Go to the Word of God. Come to them. I'm sure they would love to open up the Bible with you and study it. And if you keep studying the Word, you know, you want to invite a community group leader or a pastor in, that's fine. But trust your parents.

They are not. They've lived longer than you. All right. That's enough on one another. Stop. Look up.

Look side to side. Four. Keep learning. Keep learning. And there's kind of a looking forward and looking backward approach to this. So let's look at the look forward approach first in keeping learning.

Proverbs 18.15 says, An intelligent heart acquires knowledge. And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Intelligence is not settling for what you know. It's not settling there. It's realizing you don't know enough. Some of the most intelligent, some of the wisest people are the most curious people.

They're curious. They're not threatened by new knowledge. They want to learn. They want to grow. They want to research. They want to figure stuff out.

Don't rely on your current bank of knowledge. Don't stop learning. Keep researching. Grow alongside of everything that we've talked about already. Learn and do the research. So you have a job that pays $15,000 or more in a different city.

Have you done the research? Have you done the research that possibly moving to that new city, that housing is double the price? Especially right now. And if it's double the price, that means of what you normally have, that's double usually the monthly payment of what you normally have. So if you're going to pay $1,000 a month more to live there, that's $12,000 right there a year.

That $15,000 pay raise just got smaller. There's cost of living. There's all kinds of factors to consider. But that takes research. That takes learning. That takes asking people.

That takes a ton of learning. Some of you got STEMI money. Stimulus money. And you got real excited. And you said, you know what? I just got $8,000 this year.

Dogecoin. And you went all in on some crypto. Which if you don't know what crypto is, it's fine. If you never knew about crypto, you'd still be fine. I'm not against crypto. I have some.

But you went all in and said, Dogecoin. I put it all in. Did you do the research? Besides listening to one podcast? Did you actually seek out financial advisors? Which we have in our church family.

Did you think about this before you put all your money in Dogecoin? Which hasn't been going as great lately. It takes learning and searching. Seeking the Proverbs and their wisdom on this. Going to the internet with a ton of caution. The internet has a lot of information.

To navigate it wisely will help you learn about things. You need to seek. You need to learn. You need to grow. And you also not just need looking forward in learning. You need to look backwards and learn from your history.

And learn from history in general. Proverbs 26, 11. It says, Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his mistakes. Have you ever seen a dog do this? If you haven't, I've got one.

It's disgusting. They vomit. And they stare at it. And they think, you know what? Encore. It's gross.

And that grossness you just felt is what the Proverbs is trying to convey. If you are willing to repeat your folly, that's the picture. It's a picture of foolish ridiculousness. The last 20 years of our country has driven me nuts because we've just got both parties. That's why I feel like I can say this. Both parties have just spent trillions and trillions of dollars we don't have.

And it's like, have we learned from history that civilizations, that countries who mount this kind of debt, it doesn't end well? Well, right? If you want to debate modern monetary theory later, you can with me. But we personally don't learn from this. It's not just cultural. We don't learn from our mistakes.

We make bad investments. We take the same shortcuts over and over and over again. We hang out with the same people that are toxic for us. Like someone who used to get drunk and high with the same crew of people, takes a minute and steps away from them, and starts growing them more of Jesus, and they go and hang out with them again. And they're like, oh, I've just fallen back into getting high. And it's just like, wait, of course you have.

Like, just, we don't learn from it. We don't know ourselves well enough. We don't learn enough about ourselves to look backwards and to see the mistakes that we have made, to see where we are weak, to see where we need to, we don't think about this enough. And the proverb says, like a dog that turns to his vomit is those of us who do not learn from our own history, that do not learn from our own mistakes, that do not protect ourselves and insulate ourselves from foolishness and from sinfulness and from waywardness that we're prone to. No, we've got to learn from our history. Look forward.

Learn as much as you can. Look backward. Learn from your history. And the fifth and final principle that the Proverbs puts forward is trust the sovereignty of God in this side. Trust God's sovereignty, his rule and his reign and his control over all things. Trust him in this side.

Proverbs 16.9 says, The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. You can make plan and plan after plan. God will establish your steps. He is sovereign. He is in control over every single choice you make. Proverbs 16.33 says, A lot is cast into the lap.

So the most equivalent we have is dice. But essentially they would use this in decision making in certain circumstances in this context. The lot is cast into the lap, but every decision is from the Lord. God is sovereign over every single aspect. We need to believe this, that God is sovereign over every decision. Now, that doesn't absolve us from choosing wisely.

Because what happens is, especially for people that are comfortable with the sovereignty of God. They'll just say, you know what? I got door A. I got door B. I got a sovereign. A.

Boom. And it's like, no. You're like, that's God's will either way, right? You misunderstand the will of God. That you're talking about the greater overarching will of God that is sovereign in control over all things. Will has multiple uses in the Bible.

There's God's immediate will for you in your life. His immediate will for you is your sanctification. You're going to be more like Christ. And you're not being foolish. So, no. You can't just say, either one.

Boom. It's God's will anyways. No. Absolutely no. You are misunderstanding it. You are still called to walk carefully.

But my gut says is that most people are probably not like that in our church family. It's my gut. Which I said earlier might not be the best thing. My intuition is that we probably, that's not how we operate. Most of us probably. And we probably think through some of this stuff well.

And I know that some of you, even more so, get very anxious about decisions. And maybe you've done all, you've stopped and you've looked up and you've prayed and you've sought the word. And you've talked to other people in our church. You live in community and you have people speaking into you. You hear all these voices. You've done the research.

You've looked at your past history. You're looking for it. And you're trying to figure it all out. And you just get paralyzed. It's like, I don't know what to do. Am I doing God's will if I choose this, if I do that?

And if that's you, I just want to pause and very clearly say, if you have gone faithfully about this, if you've acted wisely in this, decide. Trust the Lord. And then make a decision. And then go to bed. We trust in the sovereignty of God. We believe this, that He ultimately works for our good.

And we know this because He ultimately worked for our good at the cross. He ultimately worked for our good at the work of the empty tomb. He ultimately works for the good of wayward sinners that He pursues and claims as His own. He ultimately works for our good as Christians because He cares for you. He loves you. He holds you.

He's near to you. He ultimately works for our good. And if that is true, and we absolutely believe it is true, you can make a decision and go to bed. Because it may be difficult. It may not work as well as you think it might. And it may bring about suffering.

But we believe this, that God works for our good. And if that is true, and you've acted wisely, you can make a decision and then rest and sleep and move on. We need to grow in this, you guys. We need to grow in being a church that makes wise decisions, that humbles ourselves to these principles. Don't just say yes to somebody who asks you on a date without stopping for a second. Don't do it.

Don't just say, I'm going to take the job. Without earnestly seeking the Lord and word and prayer, He has wise things to say to you. Don't just move your family to another church or elsewhere without talking to your group, without talking to people in your life. Don't make unsound financial decisions on a whim. Do the research. Think critically.

Invite others into it. Make wise decisions. Trust in the sovereignty of God. He works for your good. The band is going to come up. And I just want to take a few moments and reflect as we prepare to respond in worship.

The reality is, is that many of us have made very poor decisions. And I just want to tell you very clearly that the bad decisions you have made, there's grace for your failure. There's grace for your failure to stop. There's grace for your failure to seek the Lord, to bring others in. For those of you that box people out, I don't know your story. You might have some, you might have some people you trusted in the past, some Christians you trust in the past that hurt you.

I'm not discounting that experience. I am saying that God works through a flawed and broken people. And that ultimately, if you trust Him in His Word, it will go better for you. If you, if you, instead of just going out on your own and deciding on your own, we need to grow in this. We have grace for our foolishness. But we also have the Word of God that corrects us.

My hope is, is that as we respond to the Word of God this morning, that we would not argue with the Spirit, but we would let Him convict. And in the conviction that we receive, that we would respond. And we grow in being wise decision makers. Let me pray. Lord, you are good. You work for our good.

And you call us to wisdom. You call us to be people that make wise decisions. Our decisions affect not just us, but others. And we need your wisdom. We need your correction. We need your correction.

We need your power so that we might in our repentance grow. Lord, I ask that you would absolutely go to work on our hearts. Make us a people that is wise. In Jesus' name, amen.

Wisdom and Work (Proverbs 24:30-34)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And our college was not cheap. And they knew it all year long.

That if they did not pass, they were going to have about a $135,000 tuition bill that you cannot retroactively go back and get scholarships for. And they didn't pass. And they did not get commissioned. And they had a large amount of student loans that they were going to have to pay for. And I remember him talking. He's like, I'm in the military and I have moms calling me about their kids.

He's like, what is happening? But they knew it. They knew it was coming all year. They knew the consequences. They didn't pass a basic PT test. But they rejected their responsibility.

They conceded. This drift towards chaos was coming. And they just conceded. They didn't take it seriously. They didn't own the responsibility in this. The Proverbs speak fairly aggressively against this type of conceding to chaos.

This type of neglecting your work and your responsibility. It has quite a bit of correction for those who do not take work seriously. And my hope this morning is that as we walk through this, I don't know if you've noticed this. At times, the Proverbs assaults you. It's a lot. And this is one of those mornings that it will assault you.

My hope is that we would not be so prideful. That we would not hear the word of God. See the correction that we need in response. That's the hope every morning as we sit under the authority of this word. And I hope indeed that is our posture this morning. Let me pray for us and then we'll jump into the text.

Father, we thank you that you've given us work. I pray that you'd help us see this morning that we would glean from the Proverbs. And the wisdom that it provides. So that we could be complete workers who glorify you. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen. Alright, so. A few years back, we did a series called The Hammer and the Hammock. It was just a quick series discussing work and rest. We had more time and more space to cover both of those subjects. So if you were not here, if you want to go back and listen to it, I would encourage you to go on our website to our sermons page and go back and listen to it.

We had a lot more space there to cover this subject. But I want to briefly give a theology of work to kind of help us, orient us to understand this well. So we are made in the image of a God who works. God worked to bring about creation. He made everything out of nothing from the universe and the stars all the way down to the deepest depths of the ocean. He made everything.

For six days, He worked and then He rested. Modeling a pattern of a rhythm of creation. And we're made in His image. That He formed man from the dust of the earth. Breathed life into it. And placed His image in us.

One of the ways we reflect the image of God is that we get to be workers who glorify God. Work is a pre-fall reality, which means that it happened before the fall. I know some of you might hate your job and think it is cursed. It can be for different reasons. Work is difficult, but it is actually a gift. That when He puts Adam in the garden and tells him to cultivate and take care of the garden, He is getting to participate in something that is different than any other aspect of creation.

He gets to reflect God who worked and brought about creation. It's a gift that He's given us. That we get to work in this garden, in this world that He has given us. He's given us dominion over. Now we know how the story goes.

That Adam and Eve sinned against God. And then one of the curses that gets handed down is work. That you could work in the field by the sweat of your brow, but you would only produce thorns and thistles. That is a curse that is work is going to be difficult. It is going to be hard. You may work very hard and it may be fruitless.

But we can't miss that work is something that was before the fall. That it's a good gift that God has given us. That we get to be made. We get to conform to the image of our God and to the image of Christ. And how we labor as we labor unto the Lord. Now, like I said, we spent a whole series on that.

I would encourage you to go back and listen to it. You need to know that going into it. Because the Proverbs does not want to give you a comprehensive view of work. It is not going to give us a comprehensive theology of work. What it mostly does is it gives us a pretty strong rebuke of our lack of work. And it has some language that shows up over and over again.

One of the characters that shows up throughout the Proverbs is the sluggard. The sluggard. Shows up over and over and over again. And one of the ways that the sluggard rejects his calling to work is in sloth. Slothfulness. We are going to see that language show up over and over again.

Proverbs 24 verses 30 through 31. You can find it in your Bible. You can also follow along on the screen. Verse 31. Verse 30. I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense.

And behold, it was all overgrown with thorns. The ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. That's it. That's the connection right there. Right back to the beginning. That the sluggard has a field.

And he neglects the field. He concedes to the chaos. He doesn't own his calling. And it becomes covered with thorns. It is a rejection. The sluggard rejects the calling of work.

And that is what we're going to see today. As we walk through a bunch of different Proverbs, we're going to see eight different ways that the sluggard concedes to the chaos. That he just neglects his calling, neglects his work, and does not own who he is supposed to be. So, we're going to walk through these section by section, starting with this first way that the sluggard concedes to chaos. First, this is the most obvious. The sluggard is lazy.

That's pretty basic. When you think of sluggard, when you think of slothfulness, that's the first word that usually comes to mind. It's lazy. Proverbs 26, 15. It says, the sluggard buries his hand in the dish. It wears him out to bring it back to his mouth.

He has a meal set out before him. It's his fork. And it just says, I can't. It's too much. A few nights ago, I was in my bed, and I was on my phone. I think I was looking through Prime deals.

And I found something. And I said, I'm going to buy it. And I went to click to buy it. And it said, you need to re-input your credit card information. And I paused. I said, do I really need this?

Do I really need to buy this? Not out of like a godly contentment, where it's like, do I actually need to buy this? No, my credit card was 20 steps away. And I didn't want to get up out of bed and go and get my credit card and put the Numbers in. I was like, do I really need this? And I thought about it.

I was like, no. I'm preaching a sermon on this coming up. I need to actually go up and get my credit card and put this in. Like, it's just like, oh, there's just this laziness that's so inherent to our fallenness. They were just, ah, it's too much. Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, he knows this.

He's built, I mean, there's been interviews where he's said this. He understands that people are generally lazy. The whole platform and shopping platform is built on the premise that you are lazy. He wants to make it as effortless as possible. It's true. The sluggard is lazy.

That's one way we can see to the chaos. The second is the sluggard loves the bed. The sluggard loves the bed. Proverbs 26, 14. As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed. Yep.

There's a bunch of, there's a few different Proverbs that talk about the bed. When I was in seminary, my preaching professor, which I didn't learn a lot about preaching from. I did learn a lot about life. And it's a lot of nuggets of wisdom. But one day he looked at us and he said, y'all want to be successful pastors?

And me as a young seminarian said, yes, same awards. And he kind of reeled the class in. He said, you. And he put his finger out. You need to hate the bed. And I was like, we thought something else was coming.

But that was where he wanted to go that morning. You need to hate the bed. And then he just went off. He's like, you need to wake up in the morning. You need to pray. You need to read your Bible.

You need to be productive. Some people just sleep in. You need to hate the bed. I was like, all right, Dr. Smith. You getting it?

All right. Fine. And I've lived by that. Like since then, I'm like, no, I need to not love the bed. Like that's an actual proverb that has a lot of wisdom. Sleeping is fine.

It is. Sleeping is fine. There are days that you should sleep in. And then you can go to our Hammer and Hammock series. We spend a whole thing on rest. Yeah.

But there's something. There's too much rest that happens. There's too much sleeping that happens. Some of you love your beds. And I get it. Because I love my bed.

It's a great bed. But there comes a point where it becomes an agent of chaos. Where it's a place that you end up laying in too long. You toss and you turn. And you turn on a hinge again. And you snooze and you snooze and you snooze and you snooze.

No, we're called to be disciplined in life. You should know how much sleep you need. That's something that you should know. Like in my 20s, I finally figured out. I need about six to seven hours of sleep. That's the zone that I need to sit in.

If I want to be productive the next day, that's about how much sleep I eat. Now, some of you are psychos. And you need like three hours of sleep. And I don't understand you. Some of you need a little more. The older you get, that's a reality as well.

But there is a point where you need to understand how much sleep you need to be productive. If you continue to sleep in. If you stay up until 2 a.m. watching Netflix or 2 a.m. playing video games. And then you sleep in the next day until 10, 11 o'clock consistently. You're rejecting your calling. You're rejecting.

The time is a finite resource. It is. And if you sleep and sleep and sleep, the Bible says you are foolish. The sluggard loves the bed. Three. A sluggard doesn't start things.

Doesn't start things. Proverbs 14, 23 says, In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty. There's no mere profit in talking and talking and talking and not doing a thing. I remember when years ago, I'm from Lexington. The downtown Lexington area years ago was just lacking. It was not a desirable place to be.

And people talked and talked and said, you know what? This could be really nice. This could be a nice place with restaurants. And it could be pretty. Like someone should do something. There was a lot of talk and a lot of talk.

And no one was actually doing anything until finally some people got together. They started a festival to raise money for beautification for it. Restaurants came in. People risked their money, put their money on the line, put businesses and restaurants. And if you go to downtown Lexington today, it is really nice. It's got nice restaurants.

They're doing all kinds of cool stuff there. But people talked and talked and talked. It took people actually taking action and doing something. You've got to open yourself up to do something instead of just talking. And it's hard. You open yourself up to failure.

It's a lot harder to build something, to start at zero. But we're not called to just talk and talk and talk. You need to do something. Maybe there's hobbies you want to do, right? Like at the beginning of the year, I said I want to learn to play piano. My goal is by the time I'm 40, I want to be proficient at playing piano.

I don't want to be great because I've tried enough instruments to know that I'll never be great. But just proficient. And, I mean, Matt and I have been writing songs the last few years. It's like I want to grow in this. I want to learn this. So I got this piano, this keyboard, and it's been a busy year.

And I have not made the time for it. And I say this over and over again when I preach. It's not that you don't have time for something. It's that you won't make time for something. You won't make time for it. If I told you in a busy work season that the bank was going to offer you a million dollars, you would make time for that.

You would get in your car and you'd go down there and you'd collect your money. If you value something enough, you will make time for it. You can talk and talk and talk instead of doing something. You want to learn a language? Start. Download an app.

If you want to grow in woodworking, whatever it is for you, don't just talk and talk. Do something. Try something. There's no mere profit and talk. Four, the sluggard has unfounded fear. The sluggard has unfounded fear.

Proverbs 22, 13 says, The sluggard says, There is a lion outside. I shall be killed in the streets. The commentators agree on this, that yes, there were lions at that time. They were not in the streets. They're in the wilderness. They're not in the streets.

So it's a ridiculous thing. That's what's being said here. I can't go out to work. There's a lion in the streets. It's a ridiculous thing. It's an unfounded fear.

The reality is that many of us have unfounded fears that prevent us from the good work that God has called us to. One of the ways that I have unfounded fears that shows up over and over again is that I play out scenarios to ridiculous conclusions. So my wife, she'll be teaching dance one night, and it's later than normal, and all of a sudden I'm like, God, she's not here. I'll look at a couple of locations, and she's still at work, but maybe she's not still at work. Maybe somebody kidnapped her. Oh my goodness, maybe she's dead.

What's going to happen? What's going to happen to our family? What's going to happen to our kids? And I play out this ridiculous scenario, and it's like, let's pause and say, No, this is dumb. She's just teaching. I believe in the sovereignty of God.

Stop worrying. We do this. Some of you know what I'm talking about. Others of you are like, I have no idea what you're talking about. You don't think enough then. I don't know.

But we do this. You'll play out this scenario in your head. Maybe you're like, I want to start a business, but if I start this, then what if it doesn't work out? What if I don't make enough money? What if we end up losing our house? What if we end up homeless?

What if we have to fight for ourselves in the street? I've seen The Walking Dead. I don't know how. I'm not going to be able to do it. And it's just like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.

That's unfounded. Sure, there are concerns. Absolutely. Valid concern. Valid concern. Paying your mortgage.

Valid concern. Taking care of your family. But we believe in the sovereignty of God. We believe Matthew 6. That He provides for the birds. How much more so does He care for you?

He will take care of your needs. Maybe not all your wants, but He will take care of your needs. If God is calling you to take a step, to take a risk, don't let unfounded fears keep you from doing this. Fear, it's oftentimes it's fear of failure, right? That's what keeps us from starting good work. Fear of failure.

And I'm here to tell you that fear is a sluggard man's game. We're called to walk in faith. So what if the business does not succeed? If you are obedient to your calling, that is what's important. Maybe you want to be more missional in your neighborhood. You're thinking, I want to throw a block party.

Get my neighbors to come out. Invite the whole street over for dinner. You're like, I don't know, maybe they won't come. Maybe if they do come, they'll think it's weird. Maybe they'll think we're lame. Maybe they'll think we're bad guests.

And when they walk by our house, every time they're going to think, oh, these are the weird Christians. It's like, no. Be obedient to what God is calling you to. Do something. So what if it doesn't work out?

So what if you share the gospel with somebody and it does not work out like you want it to? You are obedient. That is the goal here. To not let unfounded fears keep us from the good works that God has set out before us. 5, the sluggard doesn't finish what he starts. Slugger doesn't finish what he starts.

Proverbs 12, 27, whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth. So the picture here is that he goes out, he stakes out the best spot, he watches it, and then when the sunrise happens, the deer walks out. Gets his sights on him, shoots it. It's beautiful. Takes it to the processor. Gets nice cuts of backstrap and tenderloin.

I'm excited about deer season's coming up. And then he puts it in the freezer. And then when it comes to prepare it, he says, no. No, that's too much. That's the picture here. Is that you would not finish what you start.

That you would concede to the chaos by not finishing work. When I was working on this, and I finally looked at the commentaries on this, I felt assaulted. As I looked at my office, I moved into, I was in one office. I didn't like the aesthetics of that office, so I moved down to this end of the building, Dr. Ken's old office. Refinished the floors.

Took some of the wood that was from the demo over here. Finished it. Made shelves for my books. Isaac painted it. I mean, it was all set up. And for the last, I don't know, eight, nine, however long it's been, ten months, there's been my college diploma and a painting just sitting against my other desk.

Just not, just there. For like nine, ten months, it's just been sitting there. And it took me, and I repented this week, and I put them up finally. It took me five minutes. Didn't finish the work. And I've realized, oh no, like this is what I do.

I don't finish things that I start. Like, we bought a house a year ago. It was a complete renovation. And there are things that we've knocked out. And there's things that just didn't do, didn't finish. Like, we were having a disagreement.

My wife and I had to paint the inside of the door what color to do. So I painted around when I installed the new locks. I painted around it. And it just sat there. If you've been in my house and walked out of our front door, you've noticed, for a year, it's just been painted right around the doorknob. And there's like ten of those things in our house right now that I've just neglected.

I say, I'll get to it. I'll get to it. I'll get to it. Repented this week. Painted the door. Have other things I want to do in the house.

But I think of myself as having a strong work ethic. I do. I put in a lot of work. I put in a lot of hours. There's some days I wake up early. I go work out.

Come into the office early. I'm here until 5.30. Go home. Sometimes I make dinner. I put the kids to bed. Do my devotion with them.

Get up my computer. Sometimes work until 10, 11 o'clock. Not always, but it happens sometimes. And I like to think of myself as having a strong work ethic. But the proverb says, no, you are incomplete.

It is foolishness that I might be focused enough to finish what you start. And I was like, man. I thought I was going to get out of this sermon without feeling a whole lot of conviction. Finish what you start. If you don't, you are conceding to the chaos. Six.

Six. Sluggard is restless and unproductive. I've got a couple of Proverbs on this. 13.4. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. The soul of the one who's working is richly supplied.

Proverbs 21, 25-26. The desire of the sluggard kills him for his hands refuse to labor all day long. He craves and craves but the righteous gives and does not hold back. I have this internal drive, this crave to do a lot of things. I dream. I'm like, I want to do this aspect of ministry with our church.

I want to shift here. I want to focus here. I want to do all these different things. This year I had all these goals and I'm moving all around. I have all these cravings and sometimes I get too far ahead of myself and you can crave and you can crave and you can crave and you won't actually put your hands to the plow and work. The Bible says, don't.

That craving, that desire will crush you. Do something. Work. Focus on something. Complete the task. Your endless craving.

You'll keep going and going. You'll make a hundred excuses why you can't jump into it. You'll get frustrated. I mean, how many of you crave and crave to see a different office culture at your place of work? How many of you crave to see changes happen? And you can crave and crave and desire and desire or you can actually start to bring about change by how you work, by how you lead.

You can do something. How many of you all are frustrated by your community group? Because you came up with a set of values that you wanted to do as a community group and you're like the only one that seems to care about this value and no one else is owning it and you crave and you crave and you crave. How about lead by example? How about be the change you want to see happen in your group? You can crave and it will crush you or you can do something.

You can work to bring about change. Seven. The sluggard makes excuses. Sluggard makes excuses. 1519. The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns but the path of the upright is a level highway.

Now, that's a little more difficult to interpret but there seems to be a common consensus here. that the sluggard always seems to have a hedge of thorns in his path. He always seems to have something in his path but the righteous when he works diligently has a level pathway. It seems to be clear and what's being shown here is that the sluggard always seems to have excuses. There's always an excuse as to why work is hard. Always something that keeps them from doing good work. You're the kind of person that complains about your job all the time.

You're the kind of worker that complains about your co-workers that complains about your bosses. Has every single boss you've ever had been dumb? You're the only one that gets it. You're the only one that's a good worker. Everyone around you is stupid but you've got it figured out. Maybe.

It's also possible that you'll find a hedge of thorns wherever you can find one. You'll look and find all the problems and make tons of excuses as opposed to actually doing something and working hard to see change happen. Work is hard. Thorns and thistles. Yes. You're going to have difficulties.

You're going to have problems. You can make a thousand excuses as to why you can't work as you should work unto the Lord. You can't work in the calling and be a complete worker. You can complain a lot or you can clear the path make it better for you and everyone else around you. Last. Sluggard is content with poverty.

He's content with poverty. This one shows up over and over again. I'm just going to list three. Proverbs 19.15 Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep and an idle person will suffer hunger. Proverbs 24 The sluggard does not plow in the autumn. He will seek at harvest and have nothing.

Proverbs 24 33-34 A little sleep a little slumber a little folding of hands to rest and poverty will come upon you like a robber and want like an armed man. Now there are a lot more Proverbs that say that same thing. Now what happens is and I want the Proverbs to hear me clearly the Proverbs is not saying all poor people are sluggards. All poor people are lazy. That's not what the Proverbs is arguing. I know that there are those that have means that will use that as an excuse and say everyone who's homeless is lazy.

Everyone who's poor needs to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and not recognize that there are complexities in poverty there are systems of decay that make it difficult for people to rise. The Bible says over and over again from the Old Testament law into the Proverbs into the New Testament and the teachings of Jesus that you should care about the plight of the poor you should care about the complexities of the poor you should care and want to uplift those you should not be the person who treads upon them but it also speaks very bluntly here if you are not willing to work and you are in poverty that's on you. It's not very politically correct in how Proverbs approaches it over and over again. If you're unwilling to work a little sleep a little slumber poverty will come upon you like a robber.

It says this over and over and over again. You may have been dealt a bad hand it may be difficult for you to work for various reasons I'm not denying that but in the end it's on you to control what you can control to work hard diligently so that you can bring about change so that you can pay your bills. Listen I know there's some of us that live paycheck to paycheck in our church and there's nothing wrong with that. It's an exercise of faith to trust the Lord to bring daily bread. There's nothing wrong with that but some of you are mad about it. Some of you are frustrated and mad and angry and bitter and shake your fist at the system.

I'm here to say let me ask do you truly work hard enough? Are you putting in the extra hours? Do you have a side hustle? Do you invest well? Have you thought about any of this or are you simply going to complain over and over again and just give eye service at work clock in clock out and not ever care about being a diligent worker? The Proverbs addresses this fairly aggressively.

My hope is that we would not be so prideful to not respond in all of these. My hope is that we would listen to this. I understand that these are abrasive to say the least. I understand that these can absolutely jolt you and that some of you may want to fight this. You may hear these Proverbs and say uh-uh, I disagree. Uh-uh, you know you're reading that wrong.

Uh-uh. And the Proverbs even has a word for you on that. Proverbs 26.16 says the sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly. So basically the Proverbs says of course you would. Of course you would fight this. That is what a sluggard would do.

It's even more abrasive. Now it is fairly corrective in bad work in bad work ethic in bad work habits and bad approaches to work. There are only a few places where it speaks a little more uh-uh constructively where it gives more positive this is what you should do. And I just want to point out one. Proverbs 6. Go verse 6.

Go to the ant oh sluggard. Consider her ways and be wise. So the positive example the Proverbs is going to uphold is the ant. It's a part of creation. It's the antidote to bad work. I'll take it.

Go to the ant. I had a buddy in college who used to say this to his friends. He used to say go to the ant. Go to the ant oh sluggard. See the example verse 7. Without having any chief officer or ruler she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.

So study the ant. Study her ways. That she doesn't have anyone that's telling her what to do. Look at ants. They leave the colony. They go out.

They collect leaves. They collect all kinds of things. I know this because I've seen a bug's life. They collect what they need and they come back and there's nobody standing around them saying do this and do that. There's something intrinsic within them that says no this is what I'm supposed to do. They live in part of a bigger reality.

It's bigger than them. It's bigger than the individual I am. It's bigger and when we look at this for ourselves and we think about this in light of the gospel the reality is that we live as those who are made in the image of God as those who are called to work. We live in a bigger reality. It's not just work. It's something bigger.

And if you think about this as a different way of looking at this is go to the king O sluggard to see his example that we live a part of a bigger reality. We're made in the image of a bigger God who works on our behalf. It starts to make more sense when we think about how we're made in the image of our God who works on our behalf. Where would we be if God had not worked on our behalf? Where would we be if God had not created this world? Created the universe?

Where would we be if he had not scooped us up from the dust and placed his image into us? Where would we be if we sinned against God in our rebellion? If he crushed us? Where would we be if he had not come? If he had not taken on human flesh, if he had not lived a perfect life of obedience, if he had not gone to the cross to die for our sluggard, selfish ways, where would we be if he had not risen out of the tomb? Where would we be if God had not worked on our behalf?

Praise Jesus, he is not lazy. Praise God that God is not a sluggard. Praise God he is not slothful and apathetic towards us. No, we live in part of a bigger reality. We are made in the image of God who works and is continuing to work and continues to work on our behalf. My hope this morning is that as we look at the ways in which we need to repent, that we would quickly turn towards the one who worked on our behalf.

We would quickly turn towards Christ and in our repentance we would receive grace and we would worship and praise the one who worked for us. The band is going to come up. I know sometimes when I say the band is going to come up, some of you like to check out. I assume that. I don't know that for a fact because I've done in the past. As you sit and prepare for worship, I just want you to think about the ways we need to repent, the ways we need to change from our way.

Some of you have a room in your house that has remained unpainted for a year and you've neglected it and you've neglected it and you've neglected it. You need to complete the work. some of you have very bad sleeping routines and that's not okay. Let's walk through the Proverbs and it's offering wisdom and correction. If we hear it and we are not doers of the word but hear it's only, it's foolishness, it's disobedience. If you have a poor sleeping routine, you need to evaluate that, you need to know yourself, you need to change. Some of you need to stop talking about things and do something.

Pick up a shovel and work. Some of you need to do the daily things that are formative and good for our soul. You need to do the dishes, you need to mow the lawn, you need to help your wife change the diapers, you need to do the formative everyday work. Some of you need to take a risk that you have unfounded fears that have kept you from being obedient to what God has called you to. You need to start that business. You need to respond to the calling of ministry.

You need to go to the mission field. You don't need to let unfounded baseless fears keep you from obedience to what God has called you to. Some of you need to stop complaining about work and making excuses. There will always be a hedge of thorns. Or you can work hard to bring about change and see that happen. Some of you need to get a job.

You need to get a job. some of you need to get to get some of you need good work. You need something to do. It's formative. It's good for your soul. Some of you need to take on some more work. You're doing the bare minimum.

And you could be doing more that is good for you and for the betterment of those around you. Some of you who are older. I'll talk to Dr. Ken about this this morning. And he gave some good wisdom on this. The reality is that as you get older of course you're going to sleep.

As you get older that is a reality. But he said Henry Ford once said anyone who stops learning is old whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. And it's a principle. It's absolutely true. You know the people that work and work and work and work and retire and then just do nothing in three years.

They just dissolve. There's a reason why people as they age into their nineties are still active and doing things and engaging their mind. Don't waste the latter years of your life by doing nothing. No, work. Learn. Grow to know more of Christ.

You're still a missionary. There's still people that need the gospel around. You still have neighbors. You still can serve. No, we need to continue to strive and to grow and to learn and to conform to the image of Christ and being complete workers. in our repentance may we turn towards the cross. I'm thankful we have a God who works on our behalf that His grace covers our failures and in our repentance we get to be the complete workers of God that God has called us to be.

Let me pray. Lord, we thank you that your words are difficult, that they are sharp, that they pierce our hearts. I pray this morning that we would not fight you, that we would yield, that you would go to work in our hearts, that we would not concede to the chaos of this world, the decay of this world, that we would actively in our repentance fight for what is good, that we would strive to be those who do not waste their lives but work in a way that brings you glory and betters those around us. Lord, we love you. May you help us we seek to repent. In Jesus' name, amen.

Wisdom and Manhood (Proverbs 2:1-22, 23:19-28)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. That's a big moment. I think I might just retire after this. It'd be like a walk-off home run and be done. We've always just been studying through books of the Bible.

We're working through certain kind of series. And we just say, Happy Father's Day. And then we jump right into where we are. And as we went into Proverbs, we thought, we actually can this summer, as we walk through this, talk about motherhood and womanhood on Mother's Day and fatherhood and manhood on... I may have said this wrong, but on Father's Day. And so we're excited to get to do that this morning.

We want good men. We need good men. The world needs good men. We need men like the Proverbs talk about. We need men around us that are wise and righteous. That care about justice.

That control their anger. That control their words. That say no to sin. That work hard. That are generous. That stand up for the weak.

We need that kind of men. The reality is much of your life, much of the goodness of your life, has risen and fallen with the quality of men that were around you. The presence of good men or the absence of good men or the presence of bad men have much affected you. And so our hope is that we would be good men and that we would have good fathers who raise up good sons. And that's some of what we're going to look at today. Much of the Proverbs is written in that framework of a father talking to a son.

Twenty-five times in the book of Proverbs, it has 31 chapters, but 25 times it says, My son, my son. Now there are a couple that are in specifically in the context of a father talking. There are two other times that it's a mother talking. And we've looked at some of that already. But this is a major theme that runs throughout the book of the Proverbs that fathers would raise up sons.

So we want to look at that today as we look at what are fathers supposed to do and how do we raise up good men. Now, personally, for all of us, it's a bit of a mess. I know that we're all over the place when it comes to what our dads were like or our desire to be a dad or what our husbands like as a dad. And there's a lot of maybe joy when you think about your father or maybe fear and frustration, anger and sadness. I know we're all over the place. My granddad, when he was a boy, he was getting a haircut at a barbershop and a man came by the front of the barbershop and stopped and turned and looked in the window and just sat kind of looking in at what was going on.

My granddad noticed him, but, you know, this guy was just watching him get a haircut. He didn't think much about it. And the man walked off and the barber said, Hey, boy, you know who that was? My granddad said, No, sir. He said, That was your daddy. So my granddad hopped out of the chair with half-cut hair and a little, you know, barber robe on and stood at the window and watched his daddy walk down the street.

And that was the only interaction he ever had with his dad. Now, he had a stepfather, who I've always known as Papa Holloman, who was a good man. Worked hard, raised him, cared about him. But our lives are affected by the men around us and who they decide to be and what they decide to do and what they decide to care about. And so as a church, as people who belong to Jesus, we want good men to raise up more good men. We want to encourage that.

So, ladies in the room today, less of this will apply to you. And that's fine. Enjoy the morning. Sip your coffee. Don't aggressively take notes and highlight things and show it to the man next to you. Don't elbow.

Don't plan your follow-up sermon for the ride home. We have a Holy Spirit. He does a wonderful job. So, as best you can, let's study the Word together. Now, we understand that we're all over the place and so there's two ways that we're going to approach this this morning. One is very practically.

The Proverbs are a very practical book. One of the things I have benefited from in being a part of this church family is how many other dads there are and how many other children there are. And so, a lot of times, when dads are interacting with their children, I watch them. And I know I probably have a super judgmental look on my face, but that's just what my face looks like. That's my learning face. So you're interacting with your kids, I might be just staring you down like, but I'm learning.

I'm trying to see what you do. I've learned some things from some of the other fathers around here. I've watched how they interact with their children and I've thought, that was good. I'm going to do that. And so, we're going to do that with the Proverbs today. We're going to see how this father talks to his son and we're going to stand with our aggressive faces staring at it and going, okay, what do I need to learn from this?

How do I need to speak to my sons? What do I need to care about? We are also, in the midst of this, going to hear the voice of our heavenly father who far surpasses any earthly father there has ever been. And so, if you aren't a father or aren't going to be a father or even if you are a father, I want you to hear your father speaking to you from the Proverbs because there's going to be a tendency while this is going on to be going, yeah, I wish my dad had talked to me about that or I wish that had happened or that would have been nice. And it's like, yeah, it actually is nice because your father is talking to you about that.

He is coaching you up and he is far better than any father you could have ever had. And he meets us in the scriptures and he meets us in the person of Christ. And therefore, we can approach this growing in our love for him as a good father as well as growing in our understanding of how to be good fathers. That's our approach. That's what we're doing this morning. Let's pray and let's get to it.

God, we ask for your help. We ask for your grace. Lord, we pray that you would give us the courage to repent and to follow you. We pray that as we walk through this, wherever we come in in our notion of manhood, our notion of masculinity, our thoughts when it comes to fatherhood, that we would see you as a gloriously good father and leave with a greater love for you. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Chapter 2, verse 1. We're going to look at two passages. We're going to look at chapter 2 and we're going to look at chapter 23, which are two sections where it's that tone of father talking to son. Chapter 2, verse 1. My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding. Now, there's an assumption made in that immediate, those first two verses.

The father is assuming that his words contain wisdom and understanding. Fathers, this involves some work on the back end, like the front end. Before you have wisdom and understanding to pour out, you need to get some wisdom and understanding. You need to love your Bible. You need to get counsel from other wise men around you. You are not pre-born with wisdom.

Proverbs tell us you're born with foolishness. So if that's just what you've run with your whole life, that's all you can coach your children up with. And so you need to get your Bible, love your Bible, read your Bible, study your Bible. It dramatically affects your life if you will grow to love your Bible so that we might have wisdom and understanding so that when we speak we have something worth hearing. Verse 3, Yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

I want to show you this if-then framework. He has a couple of ifs and then he has a then, but this is the first if and the other ones kind of fall under it. If you receive my words and treasure up my commandments, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Fathers, is that true? If your children listen to you, follow what you say, will you lead them to Jesus? Will they grow in the fear of the Lord?

Will they grow in the knowledge of God by hearing the way you talk, by hearing what you care about, by you pushing them towards the things that matter? Can we say that with credibility? If my children will just listen to me, they will fall deeply, madly in love with Jesus. They will fear the Lord and surrender to Him. They will know how to obey Him and they will understand all that is good and wonderful about Him. This was written in the context to a group of people who understood the Old Testament law and they would have understood the Shema, which was a main command given to them in the law in Deuteronomy chapter 6 and it's this, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your might. And these words I commanded you today shall be on your heart. So the first command that's given in the Shema is that you love the Lord. So fathers, do you love the Lord? Because if you don't love the Lord, how are you going to bring your children to Him? If you're not obeying Him, if you're not walking in the fear of the Lord, how is this going to play out?

But then it says this, verse 7, You shall teach them diligently to your children. Shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise. Meaning that you should be so in love with the Lord that it just pours out of you. Sitting down to dinner, it's as likely as not that you'll be talking about Jesus. Walking, going to work, getting your chores done, you're going to be talking about Jesus. You're going to be explaining how the world works.

You're going to be pouring forth the knowledge of the Lord. You're going to be explaining to them what it looks like to obey and to follow and to fear the Lord. It says, You shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Fathers, do we know wisdom and do we know the Lord so that we might actually lead our children to the Lord?

That's step one. The best way to begin that is for you to love your Bible so that in it you might meet Christ, you might know Him, you might grow in wisdom, to join a community group, to be committed to following Jesus with other men and women who are following Jesus, to have people in your life who know you and can call you towards better things. That's the first if. If you listen to me, the next one's buried in that. It's kind of under that, but it says this, it's verse 3 and 4. If you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as hidden treasures.

I love that verse because this father here is telling his son, you want to know something you need to get a little amped up about? You want to know something you want to need to raise your voice about? Like I remember times where my dad would get me and say, boy, you better bow up. I remember I was playing Little League catcher. He had to grab me one time after a game and he was talking to me and he said, that home plate is yours. It belongs to you.

No one touches that. And then he practiced pushing me in my garage so that I would learn how to end. But he would say, these are things, there were certain things that he would say you need to care about. And he says, you need to raise your voice. That men would be like, hey, I need some of that right now. And somebody would come over to you and say, what are you talking about?

And you'd be like, wisdom. I need it. I will not be denied. That's what he's saying, that you would have some energy about this. You would have some, take some courage. It takes some effort.

He says, you would seek it like silver or search for it as for hidden treasures. You know who hunts for hidden treasures? Adventurers, explorers, pirates, cowboys, archaeologists. But like the Indiana Jones kind. That this would take some energy and some effort. I love that what the father here is saying is that if you want to seek your own desire, if you want to be lazy, if you want to just go with your gut, if you want to just wing it, just understand any fool can do that.

That's why every fool does. But if you want something worth living a life for, if you want something worth giving a life to, if you want something worth handing on, and if you want to be the type of man that's worth being around, it's going to take some energy from you. It's going to take waking up a little bit earlier than the other people in your house. It's going to take going to bed a little bit later than the other people in your house. It's going to take opening a Bible and reading it and memorizing it and learning it. It's going to take a little bit of energy and effort and adrenaline and aggression and testosterone from you to call out for this.

That's what he's saying. And I appreciate that. And he keeps going on. Verses 6 to the end of the chapter, he says, if you do this, the Lord will grant this to you. He'll give you wisdom. He'll give you insight.

He'll coach you up. He'll train you. It'll help you turn away from sin. You'll be the type of person who knows what is right and good and just and equitable. And you'll be the type of person who says no to wickedness and you will not become a wicked man if you'll pursue this. And that's what we need.

Godly fathers who know Jesus, who walk in wisdom and help raise up godly sons to say no to sin and yes to Jesus and put forth the energy that that takes. Shame on the American church that it's 60% female and 40% male. Shame on us that every time we want to try to do something in the American church, you have a thousand female hands that raise that they're ready to come serve, they're ready to come work, they're ready to come labor and it's hard to find men. I have in general been very proud of our church family, of the females who love Jesus and who serve and the fact that we do have men that want to fight and to serve but we need more.

We need more good men and so may we be good men who raise good men and I want you to hear everybody, I want you to hear the voice of our heavenly father who is inviting you into this. That if you'll call out for wisdom, you'll get it. He'll teach you. He'll know you. You'll know him. It'll be good.

He'll keep you from sin. He'll bring you into righteousness. This is an invitation for all of us here. May we take it. I like to think sometimes, go ahead and jump to chapter 23. I like to think sometimes, I'll watch movies, aggressive movies, I'll watch like, my wife and I watched Braveheart recently.

I watched Braveheart and I think, I could do that. I could get a shield and an axe and run into a field and try to kill as many people as possible. I could do that. If I had to, I could get myself amped up to do that. That's not the fight the Lord has given me. I don't get to try to help free Scotland from the English.

But he has given me a fight. He's invited the church into a spiritual war. an eternal fight. He's given me two sons. He's given me a wife. He's given me a church family. He's given people in my community group.

That it's worth the energy and the effort and the labor it takes to know Jesus, to submit to Jesus, to know His word, to obey Him, and to walk in faithfulness. Every once in a while I'll talk to men and I'll say, what else do you have more worth fighting for than your wife and children? What else do you have more worth fighting for than the people in your community group? What else do you have more worth fighting for than the lost and dying souls around here that are going to spend an eternity in hell? Don't sit and tell yourself that if you were in some other time you would have taken up the mantle if you're not taking up the one that's laid down for you right now.

There's a call towards some energy and some effort that we ought to accept because we have valuable things worth the energy and the effort all around us. Chapter 23. We're going to pick up in verse 19, but this section starts in the back in chapter 22 and in it the father is just telling his son a bunch of stuff. It's this random he talks about all kinds of things and we see that throughout the Proverbs. The father's just talking all the time about this is how you should think about work and this is how you should think about money and this is how like it's all this life coaching and that's good and I honestly think a lot of fathers get really excited about that.

And this is how like it's all this life coaching and that's good and I honestly think a lot of fathers get really excited about that. Whenever there's something that your dad knows and knows how to do how geeked out is he to tell you how to do it? I don't care what it is. Woodworking, coding, painting, changing attire, like wherever you see a competent man you will see

An excited man just so you know. Men don't like participating in things they're not real competent in. They do appreciate the challenge and learning but if you ever see something where it's like oh this I can do I'm ready you'll watch those men walk right up like oh you need help with that whatever like you know can I get in on that? This is where people talk about men all the time

Mansplaining or whatever but it's just they're really excited they know a thing actually they just appreciate being competent that's what's happening throughout this the father's just consistently coaching up on all the things that he's competent on that's why it's helpful for us to become competent men so that we can be helpful in life not pedantic and annoying with it but helpful but verse 19 in chapter 23

As he's coming through this he says this hear my son and be wise direct your heart in the way and again I just want to highlight for you that fathers are meant to not just hand out practical wisdom but also be the ones leading in let's follow Jesus together to direct your heart in the way that I care about your heart and I care that it belongs to Jesus and let's walk in righteousness

Let's walk in faithfulness let's walk in the way of following the Lord so yes coach up on all the things you know but don't think that's your job and if you're married well it's my wife's Job to try to tell him about Jesus now this is the thing that he does that he calls him into verse 20 be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat

For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty and slumber will clothe them with rags I think it's helpful just as we're looking at this and seeing what he does here he tells him why he doesn't just say don't do this he says don't do this because and he does that throughout the Proverbs but he has some wisdom to share where that heads meat and alcohol sound nice and he says

Yeah but too much of it let me tell you where that takes you let me show you where that ends up let me show you what that brings on you let me show you what that causes and this is one of the places he's real practical throughout the rest of the Proverbs he's practical and there are times where he's theological where he talks about he holds it up against righteousness and shield he says this leads you to hell so I would say both

Fathers when you're coaching your kids up explain why take the time to do that and explain theologically why not just practically why now I know some of you have little kids and I'm not saying that sometimes little kids kids in general your children want you to explain to them why so that they can agree with you and it's actually not

That's not what I'm talking about you can explain to them why but you don't have to win them over you're their parents so sometimes you can just say I've explained why now do it that's fine but do explain why it's helpful verse 22 listen to your father who gave you life and do not despise your mother when she is old compete for their attention he says listen to me pay attention to me

Look at me my sons and I reenact this this tension every time I'm trying to explain something to them and the TV is on because I'm talking to them and you can watch their little eyes drift and I know how hard that is I don't turn the TV off I make them control themselves I know how hard that is because I know there are times when my wife's talking to me and I'm going

I feel your pain but you've got to listen to me when I'm talking to you but there's some competition with the world for who are they going to listen to fathers be a voice in that fight for that which means a couple of things control the environment sometimes I know that depending on the age of your children or the attitude of your children there are a lot of times

Where you have something to do that is much easier if they aren't with you I have a three year old and a six year old we have for the past six years and we're just now on the edge of getting out of it but we've lived that little kid life where there's a kid that can't talk has diapers doesn't sleep

At night like we've lived that for six years my wife and I are talking are we going to have one more and make that nine years or are we going to move off into the joy of the promised land we've had that for six years I know when I go to the grocery store or to Home Depot or Lowe's

Without them I feel like a superhero I know why my dad spent so much time at places like that he was free but there are times where we need to say because we're competing with the world for their attention and for our ability to pour out wisdom to them as we walk in the way as we

Sit up as we rise get in the truck get in the car let's go come out here and help me I'm washing the vehicle you need to be here with me I'm changing the oil you need to be here with me we've got to run errands we're going

To go visit this person you need to be here with me because that's some of that shoulder to shoulder time some of that time that you need to spend with them and I understand there are times where involving them makes the thing take longer or be more difficult what else do you have to do with your time that wouldn't

Involve trying to help coach and train and love out for your children and the people around you and don't say well you know I need my alone time I'm kind of a loner well I'm sorry you have children you will never have alone time again you need to take them with you you need to coach them

Up and some of y'all in community groups need to be doing this as well you have some errands to run but you've got some people that you could invite to be around that you could walk in life together so that y'all might like iron sharpens iron you might sharpen one another and grow together in your love for Jesus and help not just be in

Your own little world but have people involved in life with you so that you might grow together second part of this verse that I also really appreciate he says listen to your father and do not despise your mother when she is old fathers make your house a good environment for your wife if you are divorced do not

Participate participate in your children and pouring into them bad thoughts about their mother teach your children to respect their mother demand that they respect their mother help them grow in respect for their mother because it's good for them to do that don't sit and say

Don't sit on the couch while your kids are acting up to your wife mistreating their mom and go you know they listen to me if you were better at this they'd listen to you get up off the couch and make them listen to their mama if you're so good

At it help them it's good for her it's good for them participate he says don't despise your mom and I just think that's helpful make it a good environment verse 23 buy truth and do not sell it by wisdom instruction and understanding I heard a guy say

That one of the reasons we give balloons to children is to teach them that there are some things worth holding on to and it also makes me feel better about every time one of my kids accidentally lets a balloon into the world I go see there's some things worth holding on to I'm not buying you another one you learned

A lesson here today but that's what he says he says buy truth and do not sell it we live in a world in a culture right now that does not like truth we live in a culture right now that's very confused about what is true we live in a culture

Right now that is letting everyone define their own truth we don't do that with stoplights we don't do that with seatbelts we don't do that with airplanes but we somehow want to let everybody do that in a bunch of other areas that matter a lot and let's be people

That care about truth who buy it and do not sell it who hold on to it even when the rest of the world has gone crazy and let's be people in our families that even when it is extremely difficult because our children have grown up and they have bought what the world is selling

And they want you to participate with them let's be some of the people that hold on to truth for dear life so that we might model for them that it really really really matters and without truth we lose so much and let's be people who grow in wisdom

So that we know what is and isn't true and let's be people who love our Bibles and know that it promises that one day everything will rise and fall everything will wither and fail but the word of the Lord is forever and so that

One day our culture will have changed its mind about things and cultures of the world have consistently changed their minds about things and one day we will stand in the kingdom of the Lord where all truth is alive and around us and we'll be standing in the continual word of the Lord that lasts

Forever verse 24 and 25 the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him so just giving some general information verse 25 let your father and mother be glad let her who bore you rejoice I just appreciate

These verses the father here just said hey you know who's happy parents whose kids aren't morons wouldn't you like for your parents to be happy I just appreciate what he's saying here he's saying let's have some joy in this house and that involves

You not being foolish come let your mom be happy I feel like my dad said that to me before hey quit doing that you're upsetting your mama let your mama be happy that she didn't

Have a fool for a son verse 26 my son give me your heart let your eyes observe my way for a prostitute is a deep pit an adulteress is a narrow

Well she lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind he goes on from here to talk about alcohol at some lengths and the use of alcohol and how it causes trouble in life fathers

Have have some awkward and uncomfortable conversations with your children because you care about them and you care that they say no to sin and yes to good things have some conversations where you say son sit down and talk

To you about prostitutes it's an awkward intro but there are things you need to talk about I remember one time my dad had just explained to me and my two brothers about reproduction and I was a bit

Skeptical I was like that doesn't sound right but I don't think that's how that works my older brother hit me said he knows what he's talking about he's done this three times very logical I was like I got a point there the reality is if you

Are not explaining these things from a biblical perspective of how the world works to your children the world is explaining it to them someone's telling them how to think about gender someone's telling

Them how to think about sex someone's telling them how to think about relationship someone's telling them you're like well my dad never did that I don't

Know how to do that yeah didn't you figure it out on your own and wasn't that a much more painful process? You're going to push the pain to your children? Are you going to take some of the awkwardness and some of the pain so that you might lead them in a better way? Don't put that off on them. Don't put that off on the world. Don't house that into American culture. Good Lord, help us. Learn and be able to communicate here and have some awkward conversations for the sake of your children and tell them to say no to sin and yes to Jesus. All you middle schoolers and high schoolers in here, you're welcome. You'll thank me later.

Verse 26. I don't want us to miss this. I think this is helpful. We'll finish out. We just read past it, but I want us to see it. He says, my son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. I think that we need with credibility to be able to say this, that fathers, we care about the heart of our children, that we are jealous for the heart of our children, which means that you can trust yourself with me. You can trust your deepest desires, that you can trust what you long for. You can trust who you feel like you are as a person with me. I care about you. Now, that does not mean that everything that they believe or desire is safe with you, but that they are. But I think sometimes the impression that children have gotten from their fathers is not that I care about your heart, but that I care about my time. I don't care about your heart. I care about my comfort. I don't care about your heart. I care about not being bothered. I don't care about your heart. I care about my job. And I think we need to be able to, with credibility, say to our children, give me your heart and mean it and it be in safe hands when they do. The encouraging thing is that I think by default, most children give their fathers their heart pretty early on. Some of you need to fight back to getting it back and to be credible in your saying that you want it and that it's good. And then he says this, let your eyes observe my ways.

You, there's a, there's a saying that apparently everyone originally said when you look it up online, but it's, you can teach what you know, but you replicate who you are. That's what he's saying. Watch me. All the things that I've said to you about saying no to sin, all the things I've said to you about raising your voice for wisdom and understanding, all the things that I've said to you about what you ought to care about and what you ought to fight for, all the things I've said to you about saying no to overeating and over drinking and chasing women, all the things that I've said to you, watch me. The reality is that your children are watching you just like you watched your parents. You know what they cared about. You know, when they told you that Jesus mattered the most, whether or not he actually did, you know, how they handled money. You know what they were stressed out about, you know, what actually got on their nerves, regardless of what they told you, you know, and your children know. And that's why he says, watch me that we ought to have credibility because the reality is we're replicating who we are in so many ways. And you know, this, as you've gotten older, there've been times where after a situation, you really should have turned to an invisible audience and taken a bow because you did a perfect rendition of your father from 40 years ago. This has been a reproduction of Kent Phillips from 1992. You know that.

And there've been times where that scared you. There've been times where that was wonderful. A situation happened and afterwards you were like, oh, wow, I handled it. I'm so glad I saw that modeled that way. There are other times where you're trying to do what the Bible says and you have no good model for that. You're out on, you have no clue. You're just winging it as best you can as you follow Jesus. May we be worth watching and worth modeling. This is discipleship. This is apprenticeship. And so he says, give me your heart and watch me. Now that call from verse 26 is the same thing that the Lord says to us. In some ways, that's the message of scripture. Give me your heart and watch my ways. Give me your heart, meaning that you are safe with the Lord, that what he primarily desires is you, not your works, not your effort, that you wouldn't bring him a beautiful resume.

He says, give me your heart. That's the first thing that it says, that we would follow him with all our heart. That that's what he wants from you, that he's trying to captivate your heart and steal your heart and keep your heart and that it's safe with you, that all of your deepest desires and longings, all of your greatest fears are safe with him. That you're safe with him. Now that some of the things that you care about aren't safe with him, but you are, and you're better off if he comes in and goes, oh, you love that. That's actually really bad for you. So we're going to get rid of that. But give me your heart. Let it belong to me that this is what he calls you that in the midst of your failures, in the midst of your anger, in the midst of your hatred, in the midst of your alienation, in the midst of your rebellion, in the midst of all the times that we have run from him or been frustrated with him or tried to guard ourselves from him.

And what he is saying is give your heart to me that you might belong to me and that I might bring you to the end. And then he says, watch me. There are some of us, because of the relationship we have with our father, the idea that God is a father gets all messed up. He feels distant or he feels angry. The best thing you can do is just behave well enough so that he doesn't, doesn't come in with that look on his face. If I can just stay out of his way, if I can just keep from annoying him. But you know that the scriptures tell us that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, that he looks at his disciples and says, if you know me, you know the father. If you've seen me, you've seen the father. That Christ comes to be the example of how God interacts with us, how God loves us, how God pursues us, how God dies for us, so that we might give him our heart. And so that in him we have hope and joy. So fathers, may we love Jesus and may we be able to look at our children and say, give me your heart and watch me and let's go. Because we've given Jesus our heart and we've watched him and we trust him with ourselves and we follow him in life. The band's going to come back up.

That's our hope this morning, that if you're in here, that you would give your heart to Jesus, that you would watch his ways, that you would know that he is good and that he is for your good, that he would die, that we might be saved from our sin, that he would take all of what is broken and wrong in us and that he would be the perfect example of what a man is supposed to be, that he is sacrificial and that he uses his strength for the good of others, that he did not come to have his own way, that he did not come to be the king of all things, that he came to suffer and to die and to take the lowest place so that the rest of us might be brought in. May we look at him and may we give him our hearts. And fathers, may we be so in love with Jesus that all of that just pours out of us and so that we can with credibility say, give me your heart and if you'll listen to me, I'll take you to the king. Lord, help us. Let's pray. God, may we be a people who love you and may we be a people that encourage faithful, godly men to raise up more faithful, godly men. May we celebrate that and enjoy that in the midst of a culture that's really confused about that. May we appreciate the distinctives of masculinity and the distinctives of femininity and celebrate your good design there.

And may we love Jesus, walk in wisdom and faithfulness. Thank you for your grace. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.

You're going to push the pain to your children? Are you going to take some of the awkwardness and some of the pain so that you might lead them in a better way? Don't put that off on them. Don't put that off on the world. Don't house that into American culture. Good Lord, help us.

Learn and be able to communicate here and have some awkward conversations for the sake of your children and tell them to say no to sin and yes to Jesus. All you middle schoolers and high schoolers in here, you're welcome. You'll thank me later. Verse 26. I don't want us to miss this. I think this is helpful.

We'll finish out. We just read past it, but I want us to see it. He says, my son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. I think that we need with credibility to be able to say this, that fathers, we care about the heart of our children, that we are jealous for the heart of our children, which means that you can trust yourself with me. You can trust your deepest desires, that you can trust what you long for.

You can trust who you feel like you are as a person with me. I care about you. Now, that does not mean that everything that they believe or desire is safe with you, but that they are. But I think sometimes the impression that children have gotten from their fathers is not that I care about your heart, but that I care about my time. I don't care about your heart. I care about my comfort.

I don't care about your heart. I care about not being bothered. I don't care about your heart. I care about my job. And I think we need to be able to, with credibility, say to our children, give me your heart and mean it and it be in safe hands when they do. The encouraging thing is that I think by default, most children give their fathers their heart pretty early on.

Some of you need to fight back to getting it back and to be credible in your saying that you want it and that it's good. And then he says this, let your eyes observe my ways. You, there's a, there's a saying that apparently everyone originally said when you look it up online, but it's, you can teach what you know, but you replicate who you are. That's what he's saying. Watch me. All the things that I've said to you about saying no to sin, all the things I've said to you about raising your voice for wisdom and understanding, all the things that I've said to you about what you ought to care about and what you ought to fight for, all the things I've said to you about saying no to overeating and over drinking and chasing women, all the things that I've said to you, watch me.

The reality is that your children are watching you just like you watched your parents. You know what they cared about. You know, when they told you that Jesus mattered the most, whether or not he actually did, you know, how they handled money. You know what they were stressed out about, you know, what actually got on their nerves, regardless of what they told you, you know, and your children know. And that's why he says, watch me that we ought to have credibility because the reality is we're replicating who we are in so many ways. And you know, this, as you've gotten older, there've been times where after a situation, you really should have turned to an invisible audience and taken a bow because you did a perfect rendition of your father from 40 years ago.

This has been a reproduction of Kent Phillips from 1992. You know that. And there've been times where that scared you. There've been times where that was wonderful. A situation happened and afterwards you were like, oh, wow, I handled it. I'm so glad I saw that modeled that way.

There are other times where you're trying to do what the Bible says and you have no good model for that. You're out on, you have no clue. You're just winging it as best you can as you follow Jesus. May we be worth watching and worth modeling. This is discipleship. This is apprenticeship.

And so he says, give me your heart and watch me. Now that call from verse 26 is the same thing that the Lord says to us. In some ways, that's the message of scripture. Give me your heart and watch my ways. Give me your heart, meaning that you are safe with the Lord, that what he primarily desires is you, not your works, not your effort, that you wouldn't bring him a beautiful resume. He says, give me your heart.

That's the first thing that it says, that we would follow him with all our heart. That that's what he wants from you, that he's trying to captivate your heart and steal your heart and keep your heart and that it's safe with you, that all of your deepest desires and longings, all of your greatest fears are safe with him. That you're safe with him. Now that some of the things that you care about aren't safe with him, but you are, and you're better off if he comes in and goes, oh, you love that. That's actually really bad for you. So we're going to get rid of that.

But give me your heart. Let it belong to me that this is what he calls you that in the midst of your failures, in the midst of your anger, in the midst of your hatred, in the midst of your alienation, in the midst of your rebellion, in the midst of all the times that we have run from him or been frustrated with him or tried to guard ourselves from him. And what he is saying is give your heart to me that you might belong to me and that I might bring you to the end. And then he says, watch me. There are some of us, because of the relationship we have with our father, the idea that God is a father gets all messed up.

He feels distant or he feels angry. The best thing you can do is just behave well enough so that he doesn't, doesn't come in with that look on his face. If I can just stay out of his way, if I can just keep from annoying him. But you know that the scriptures tell us that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, that he looks at his disciples and says, if you know me, you know the father. If you've seen me, you've seen the father. That Christ comes to be the example of how God interacts with us, how God loves us, how God pursues us, how God dies for us, so that we might give him our heart.

And so that in him we have hope and joy. So fathers, may we love Jesus and may we be able to look at our children and say, give me your heart and watch me and let's go. Because we've given Jesus our heart and we've watched him and we trust him with ourselves and we follow him in life. The band's going to come back up. That's our hope this morning, that if you're in here, that you would give your heart to Jesus, that you would watch his ways, that you would know that he is good and that he is for your good, that he would die, that we might be saved from our sin, that he would take all of what is broken and wrong in us and that he would be the perfect example of what a man is supposed to be, that he is sacrificial and that he uses his strength for the good of others, that he did not come to have his own way, that he did not come to be the king of all things, that he came to suffer and to die and to take the lowest place so that the rest of us might be brought in.

May we look at him and may we give him our hearts. And fathers, may we be so in love with Jesus that all of that just pours out of us and so that we can with credibility say, give me your heart and if you'll listen to me, I'll take you to the king. Lord, help us. Let's pray. God, may we be a people who love you and may we be a people that encourage faithful, godly men to raise up more faithful, godly men. May we celebrate that and enjoy that in the midst of a culture that's really confused about that.

May we appreciate the distinctives of masculinity and the distinctives of femininity and celebrate your good design there. And may we love Jesus, walk in wisdom and faithfulness. Thank you for your grace. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.

Wisdom and Wealth (pt. 2) (Proverbs 10:16)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

You Good morning, my name's Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. It's good to see y'all this morning. We are in the book of Proverbs. Grab your Bibles and go to Proverbs chapter 10. The primary thing we like to do is walk through books of the Bible.

We are working our way through Proverbs, but we're not going verse by verse, chapter by chapter. We are taking some of the primary things that the Proverbs gives weight to and trying to grow in wisdom. As we looked at money last week, we realized that the Proverbs says a lot about money, and so we wanted to spend one week looking at kind of the mental approach to money and some of the things we needed to understand before we handled money. And then today, hopefully we get to look at some practical principles that the Proverbs give us for handling money. So we have been sold on the idea that if I just had more money, things would be better.

Life would be better. Life would be easier. Everything would be nicer. I'd be handsomer. If I just had more money, it would enhance life. And the Proverbs says, not so fast.

That actually is not true, that you getting more money might actually be bad for you and for the world. And that's what we looked at last week. We looked at Proverbs 10, verse 16. It says, the wage of the righteous leads to life, the gain of the wicked to sin. Meaning that if the righteous get money, it's good. But if the wicked get money, it's bad.

And so we just said getting money and having money and being rich cannot just necessarily be a good thing. But the Proverbs tells us that we need more than just more money. And so we spent most of our time last week on the back half of that verse. The idea that getting more money could be bad for you. And so we talked about some of the ways that we approach money potentially sinfully. But we did say at the very beginning that money is just a tool because money in the hands of the righteous is a good thing.

So in some ways, money is just a tool. We said that it tests us last week. We said that it tempts us. But there is a reality to money is just a tool. And so to help us picture this, I want to talk to you all about a movie I watched. I've watched it a couple of times.

And in the beginning of the movie, there's a character that's introduced. And I want to show you all this person. This person shows up in the movie. When he shows up, us in the audience, we're not super excited that he's here. And we're pretty sure that the thing he's holding, which is some sort of a weird hammer axe thing, is bad. We would much rather he had like a bouquet of flowers or something.

But he doesn't. He shows up with this. And so this is a bad moment in the movie. But later in the movie, this character shows up. And when he shows up, we're all very excited. But he's also holding a weird hammer axe thing.

But I've been told that people who watch this movie in the theaters, that people actually cheered when this guy showed up. And so the reality is, it's not what they're holding, it's who's holding it. And that's what the Proverbs says about money. That money on its own isn't necessarily good or bad. Who has it? Do the wicked have it?

Do the righteous have it? Because the reality is, the righteous having money leads to life. And that's true. How many scholarships have been paid for? How many meals have been offered? How many people have been clothed?

How many orphans have been cared for? How many of you in your life have had somebody show up and help pay a hospital bill or a car payment or help you replace some tires or some shoes? When the righteous have money, it leads to life. And so the Proverbs has no problem whatsoever with the righteous having money. The truth is, we should give more money to the righteous. This is what the Proverbs says.

Okay, I'm getting excited. Let's pray first and then we'll go into other things the Proverbs says. Lord, we pray that you'd help us to grow in wisdom today. But more than that, may we grow in our understanding of wisdom so that we might grow in our understanding of you and therefore growing in loving wisdom and loving Jesus. May we not leave here more filled with ourselves, but may we leave here more filled with your spirit. And by your grace, we ask for your help in that.

And towards that end, in Jesus' name, amen. Proverbs 8, 17 through 21 says this. This is, wisdom is speaking here. So in the book of Proverbs, wisdom speaks. It's personified as a lady wisdom. And so she sometimes talks and that's, so this is wisdom talking.

It says, I love those who love me and those who seek me diligently find me. Riches and honor are with me, enduring wealth and righteousness. So it's not just that riches and honor are bad. It says, no, wisdom says I have riches and honor. They belong to me. And I, I grant these to people who seek me.

My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold in my yield than choice silver. So wisdom does say I have riches, I have enduring wealth, but wisdom is better than gold and better than silver. And this is some of what we've been looking at is the idea that if you have wisdom, if you have righteousness, then you can have money and it's okay. But if you don't have wisdom, you don't have righteousness, then money is bad. And so wisdom says I'm better than money, but I have money. I walk in the way of righteousness in the paths of justice, granting an inheritance to those who love me and filling their treasuries.

So that one of the blessings from wisdom, one of the blessings from God is wealth. It's not necessarily an evil thing. It can be very good. It just depends on who has it. Proverbs 10, 22, the blessing of the Lord makes rich and he adds no sorrow with it. So there's a reality to money in and of itself is not bad, but we need wisdom and righteousness before we get money.

And so today though, we're going to spend most of our time just looking really practically at some of the things the Proverbs has to say about money because it has a lot to say about money. So this is the Proverbs basic wisdom. And we're going to walk through this for money. Get a job. Maybe Proverbs specifically say an honest Job, but get a job, trust God, save some and live simply so you can be generous and use your wealth for the good of others. Get a job, trust God, save some and live simply so that you can be generous and use your wealth for the good of others.

That's what we're going to walk through. So first step, get a job. Get a job. Proverbs 14, 23, in all toil, there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty. Get a job. Not an idea about a job, not some things in the works, not a few irons in the fire.

Get a job. That's what Proverbs says. And it says it repeatedly. Proverbs 28, 19 and 20, whoever works his land will have plenty of bread. So they go out and they work.

There's just nothing glamorous about it. They're working, but they have plenty of bread. But he who follows worthless pursuits will have plenty of poverty. Proverbs got jokes. You can have plenty of bread or you can have plenty of poverty. It's up to you.

Are you working or not? A faithful man will abound in blessings, abound with blessings. But whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished. That's helpful for us because how much do we want to get rich quickly? I've recently heard that there are local moms who are making $3,000 a week from home. Haven't y'all seen these things?

How many people have told you that if you could just get into this, if we could just get in, you get into the right time. If you could just, I mean, we got cryptocurrency and we've got different stock market schemes. We've got these ideas for you could take on this and the side. And if you could just get this going, if you can get your downline going and if you can recruit three other people, it's like, now there, there's a way that some of that is just good work and people are trying to have extra jobs and work. And it's, there's a way for us to have side things going on that is us working our land.

But there's also a way that we are chasing worthless pursuits and trying to get rich quickly. And it says we won't go unpunished. That that has negative effects on us, that it harms us and that just working is good. So I want to tell you this, do not feel bad about having a job. There's some people who are like, I don't know, I just went and got to work and these other people have these other things going on and they've got this. And I don't, am I wrong to just be working?

Like, should I have thought about this more? And the Proverbs is like, no, you can keep thinking about it. You might could change careers. The best way to get a job is to already have a job, but don't feel bad about working. It's actually really good. That's what it says.

Proverbs 13, 11, wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it. The truth is, if you get a lot of money really fast, you probably have not built up the wisdom to handle a lot of money. And so it goes away very quickly. Look at professional athletes. Look at people who get big inheritances or win the lottery. Many of them go broke because they gained it quickly and they didn't know how to handle it.

But wealth gathered little by little, whoever gathers little by little will increase it. One of my favorite little YouTube videos is these two guys are, they're in a dark room. They're over this table. It's lit. One guy rolls out this map and he goes, okay, here's the plan. We get jobs at the bank.

Doesn't matter what the job is, just as long as we're in there. And you go to work, do the work, gain their trust, get them in the palm of your hand. This buddy goes, okay, yeah. And how do we get the money? It's like, that's the best part. They deposit the money in our accounts week after week, month after month.

They don't even know they're being robbed. Then 20, 30 years later, we walk out the front door like nothing's ever happened. This friend goes, man, that's a job. But that's what Proverbs is saying to you. Hey, you want to get rich? Cuts the light on?

Start working at the bank. Go there. Do your job. They'll deposit the money in your account. That's it. That's Proverbs wisdom on gathering wealth is get a job, do the job, do a good job, go to work.

20, 30 Years later, walk right out the front door. So get a job. All right. Now we got a job. Now what?

We're getting a paycheck. What do we do with that? And that's some of what we said we would look at last week is what does wisdom do when it gets a paycheck so that we might understand what ought we to do when we get a paycheck? What do we do when we get some money? Proverbs 3, 9 and 10. We'll look at a couple of places, but we'll start here.

Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce. Then your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine. So this is wisdom referring to some Old Testament law on how the Israelites were taught to handle their money. So God tells them, I'm the one. I'm the one who rescued you. I'm the one who brought you out of slavery.

I'm the one who brought you into a good land. I'm the one who makes things grow. I'm the one who's provided everything you have. So when you have your first bit of your harvest, you bring that to the temple. You present it before the altar. You present it to the priest.

They actually had a whole thing they were supposed to say that this bringing in the first fruits was reciting for them, was practicing for them the reality that he is the one who redeems. He is the one who rescued them. He is the one who provides. And so they had this whole thing where they would have to say, like, my father was a wandering Armenian in the woods. And then he grew, but he went into slavery. But you rescued him out of slavery and you've brought us into a good land.

And it's this rehearsal of God's provision. That's what this idea of first fruits is. Now, there's a catch to first fruits. There are no promise of second fruits. In an agrarian society, you have no control over the weather, whether or not bugs come, whether or not enemies come, whether or not there's enough rain or too much rain, enough sun, too much sun. You have no control.

First fruits is an active participant practice in saying, I trust that you're the one who provides and I trust that you're the one who will continue to provide. And so wisdom says the first thing you do with money is give some back to the Lord, trusting that he's ultimately the one who cares for you. Now, what we are often tempted to do is to give him last fruits. Let me wait and see how it all turns out. Let me wait and see how my bills work out. Let me wait and see till the end of the month, till the end of the quarter.

And then I'll give the Lord what's left over. And what you're doing at that point is kind of looking at the Lord and saying, all right, we'll make a deal with you. You give me to the end and you make it all work out well, you'll get some off the top. But the problem is that's not faith. The only way that we can operate in giving money away and giving money back to the Lord is to actually trust him. And so that's what he calls us to.

And he says, he'll bless that. Now, this has been hijacked by prosperity preachers. Talk about seed money and, you know, prayer rags and sweatshawls and all the stuff that they'll sell you. If you, we watched one time in, in our dorm room in college, I remember Matt and I watching a guy who would, if you send in a certain amount of money, they would hand him a thing and he would pray a recession proof blessing over you. Okay. So that's not what this is saying.

It is saying that he is the one who provides and cares for us and that we're better off in trusting him than in not trusting him. And there are times where the Bible says that he will multiply our seed for sowing. Well, what that means is that when you give, he multiplies your seed for sowing, which means you give so that you can give more. That's what seed for sowing is. It keeps going out, not your seed for eating, but as a reality to the first thing that wisdom does is gives money back. Now, biblically, this would have been called a tithe, which was about 10%.

I would be happy to talk with you more about this. We don't talk a ton about the tithe because the new Testament doesn't talk a ton about the tithe. Jesus mentions it once. He says it's good, but we're in the new Testament era. We don't have a temple. We don't have priests.

We have the church that is meant to gather funds together for caring for each other, for it's okay to pay pastors. It's okay to pay missionaries. It's okay to send them. We're out to do these things. And we just say that we think the tithe is a good mental picture of where God considers what a first fruits would look like, but that we're under grace. And so that if the law meant 10% that we think those who are under grace would probably go above that.

So we just say it's a good picture for you to know, like a benchmark kind of a floor area. And then we would operate in grace. Meaning that at times, if you're under that, he's not coming to smite you, but in general, we ought to be people who believe this. Proverbs 18, 10, 11. This is one of the reasons why we have to do this. The name of the Lord is a strong tower.

The righteous man runs into it and is safe. We spent here time here last week. A rich man's wealth is his strong city, like a high wall in his imagination. And then Proverbs 28, 25 says the same thing a little more simply. It says the greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the Lord will be enriched. The first thing we're supposed to do with the money is practice trusting the Lord.

And there is a temptation for us to trust our money more than we trust the Lord. And so that's why the Proverbs presses us here. That when we cannot give first fruits back to the Lord, some of what we're practically saying is I just don't really trust you to get me to the end and to make everything work out. And sometimes it's extremely difficult because we have things we have to pay for. We have bills, we have needs. And so we're going to him in faith saying, I trust that you'll make that work.

In Tim Keller's book on Proverbs, it's a devotional on Proverbs. He was talking about this idea and he said there was a farmer who went to his local pastor and he said, hey, my cow just gave birth to calves, gave birth to twins. There's two calves and I'm going to raise them, get them fat, sell them. I'll keep one and give one to the Lord. The pastor's like, sounds good. And then a couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into the pastor again.

He said, oh, I have bad news. I'm sorry, but the Lord's calf died. And Tim Keller says, for many of us, it's always the Lord's calf that dies. That it'll work out as long as it ends up making it to the end, but we'll wait and see. And usually everything encroaches on it. And Proverbs says that's unwise that we should first trust the Lord.

So get a job. When your paycheck comes in, trust the Lord. This means making a plan. This means intentionally doing it. For some of us, it's, you can set it up online to automatically draft out so that you don't have to fight this battle every month. You just set it up and you say, I'm walking in faith on this, but also I'm not going to sit every month and look at it and have to like, some of you need to, you need to get the cash out and look at it and pray over it and stick it in an envelope and bring it over here.

Send it to a missionary. You need to do some of that to fight your soul a little bit so that you might grow in trusting the Lord. Secondly, save some, live simply. Proverbs 13, 22. A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous. This is some, some of this is pointing out the principle that God has in the book of Proverbs where he thwarts the plans of the greedy and make sure that money makes it to the hands of the righteous.

That's some of what that's saying. But in general, it's also saying that it's okay to save some money that you ought to save some money. This doesn't have to be lavish, but it's okay to have some money set aside for your children and your grandchildren. I don't think it means that you're not good if you can't, but I think it means that it is a good thing to do. Proverbs 21, 17. Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man.

He who loves wine and oil will not be rich. Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man's dwelling, but a foolish man devours it. Okay. A wise man has precious treasure and oil. A foolish man loves them. A foolish person devours them.

That stung a little bit when I read it because that's how our budget works sometimes. My wife's like, where'd our money go? And I have to be like, I ate it. It went to Bojangles and Eggro Station. It went to Taco Bell. It bought steaks.

It was very delicious, but that's where our money went. I devoured it. That's the reality. Some of you, it's like, where did my money go? Well, you're sitting on it when you watch TV or you're staring at it when you watch TV or you experienced it. You threw axes and rode roller coasters and you have memories that will last a lifetime and no gas to get to work because you devoured it.

But it's okay to have some of those things that it's okay to save. That's the other thing. There's saving for wisdom's sake, for future rainy days, for issues that would come up. It's saving for future enjoyment. And it's okay to enjoy things. It's actually wrong of us for God to bless us and us to never enjoy those things.

That was actually one of the rules in the law as well, that they would gather up some of what God had given them and show up to the temple just to enjoy it in front of him. They were supposed to show up and go buy the things they enjoyed to enjoy God's good blessing. If you gave a gift to a child and they said, I love this so much, I will never touch it. No, it's okay to enjoy it. But that can't be all you do with your money.

And that tension, that idea of saving versus spending is the thing that roommates clash over. You have one roommate that gets their paycheck and they just want to save it. They've got reasons why they're saving it, but they don't want to go do anything. And their other roommate's going, please, you have a job. What's the point of having money if we can't ever go do anything? Married couples do this.

One of them is going, you're so irresponsible. We need to hide that money in our mattress. And the other one's going, I don't want to work a job if I can't ever eat bacon. If we can't ever go do anything. And the reality is both of them are right. There's wisdom and enjoyment and worship and enjoyment, not only enjoyment, not loving it more than we love the Lord.

And there's wisdom in saving and worship and saving, trusting the Lord and being saving, not only for ourselves, but for others. And also knowing that if I don't save later, I'll be a burden on my church family because something will come up and I won't be ready to handle it because I'll have already devoured all of it. There's also potential sin in enjoyment. But I actually think that Jesus isn't that enjoyable. So I have to spend all my money on things that are right in front of me.

And there can be sin in saving, which is I don't really trust him to care for me. And the only way I feel safe at night is to wrap myself in the security blanket of how many zeros I have in the bank. Proverbs 17, 18. One who lacks sense gives a pledge and puts up security in the presence of his neighbor. Proverbs 22, 7. The rich rules over the poor and the borrower is the slave of the lender.

We have been sold on the idea that credit is amazing because you can have the stuff now and pay for it later. But the reality is you've become an indentured servant. You are paying someone else with your active labor for things that you already have. Your money is already spoken for when it shows up. Proverbs 22, 26, and 27. Be not one of those who gives pledges, who put up security for debts.

If you have nothing with which to pay, why should your bed be taken from under you? We've been sold that debt is a good thing and there are some forms of investment debt, specifically in how our culture works, that I think are okay. I'm not sold that debt is just sin, but I am sold that debt is unwise and potentially very unwise. And there are some people who are so in debt that they cannot listen to the call of God. They say, I would go be a missionary, but I have so much debt. I would do these things that God's calling me to, but I have too much debt.

There's reality of we've at times over spent and over enjoyed. The average American household consumer debt is $90,000. That includes college and houses. The average credit card debt is $6,000 and it gets higher the more money you make. So it's not that these are people who couldn't pay their bills.

So they had to put it on a credit card because the more money you make, the more debt you go into, the higher the tax bracket, the higher the debt, which is a little stair step, which means I'm making more money so I can spend more money. Pastor J.R. Vassar had this quote and I thought it was extremely helpful. He says, when we lose the transcendent, all we're left with is the imminent. The transcendent is this idea that I can be drawn up into the light with the Lord, that I can see him as above me and better than me, that I can be caught up in worship. But when we lose that, all we have is what's right in front of us, what we can see, what we can taste, what we can touch.

And therefore we're left with experiences. We're left with pleasures. We're left with things that we can consume and participate in because we've begun to worship what's right in front of us. And this is one of the reasons why we outspend how much we make and we are in debt and we are unable to live simply. And those who follow Jesus ought to look different. Get a job, trust the Lord, save some and live simply.

Another thing would be to avoid debt or to pay off your debt. So you can be generous and use your wealth for the good of others. A very wise Uncle Ben, not the rice one, but the Spider-Man's uncle, told Spider-Man, with great power comes great responsibility. I think Jesus said it better. And first, Luke 12, 48, he says, everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required. And from him to whom they entrusted the much, they will demand the more.

This idea that if God entrusts us with things, there's greater accountability and requirement. And so one of the reasons that we are blessed and one of the reasons that the righteous are blessed with finances is so that they can be generous to the poor. Proverbs 14, 31, whoever oppresses a poor man insults his maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. Whoever mocks the poor insults his maker. He who is glad at calamity will not go unpunished. There's a temptation for us to moralize money so that everyone who is rich is greedy.

Those fat cats up on Wall Street, they're evil, they're wicked. Or everyone who's poor is lazy. They're not willing to work. They're scum. They make society worse. And the proverb says, no, it's more nuanced than that.

Yeah, the proverb says there is wickedness. It says one of the ways to get rich is to be violent. It also says you can get rich through wisdom, through righteousness, through the Lord's blessing. It talks a lot about how those who are wealthy can use their wealth for wickedness and to grow in sin. It does say that poverty causes laziness. I'm sorry.

Laziness causes poverty. That you can be poor because of a lack of self-control. You can be poor because of addiction. But you can also be poor because of catastrophe, economic downturn, layoffs, storms. It also says that you can be poor through oppression. There was a way for the poor to make money, but the rich took it away from them.

But it tells us that the righteous and the wise are not running around discerning who's poor and why. They're just being generous to the poor. And it says it over and over and over again. Proverbs 21, 13. Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself cry out and not be answered. Proverbs 28, 27.

Whoever gives to the poor will not want. That means lack. We'll have everything provided for them that they need. But he who hides his eyes will get many a curse. Proverbs 19, 17. Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord and he will repay him for his deed.

11, 24. One gives freely yet grows all the richer. Another withholds what he should give and only suffers want. 12, 24. I mapped out on my whiteboard in my office every place that Proverbs talked about money. And I put them in categories.

And by far, the thing that Proverbs has the most to say about money is use it to be good to the poor. Over and over and over again. And I narrowed it down to a handful of them that I think are helpful. Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord and he will repay him for his deed. God cares for the poor, provides for the poor. And if you're generous to the poor, it's like you're lending to God.

It's like you're handing money to him and God sees it and repays. Sometimes here, sometimes eternally. Just for the record, eternally is better. Because you get it for longer. Just throwing that out there. Helping you know how time works.

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer. Another withholds what he should give and only suffers want. One of our biggest pushbacks to giving away money is that I can't afford it. And the Proverbs says, yeah, you can. You can give away freely and grow all the richer. The Lord will repay those who give away.

You can afford it. This ought to be a part of our budget. Just to give you some pictures of what the law helped them understand how much it meant. They were supposed to never glean all their fields all the way to the edges. They were always to leave the edges of their fields ungleaned. So that the poor could have something.

So that you weren't supposed to take advantage of all of your incoming wealth. Every seventh year. So you would keep your fields for six years. And on the seventh year, you weren't supposed to mess with them at all. So that the poor could use your fields and get whatever they could get from them.

So that they were told to consistently be ready to give to the poor. And then over the course of seven years, give about one-seventh of their income to the poor. Now, we pay taxes, which helps. And that's okay. But if the tax situation weren't as it were, the church would be called to provide for the poor across the board 100%.

So there are some of us who fight really hard so that our taxes are lower so that we don't have to do all these subsidies and handouts. But the reality is if we work to get those all paid down so that we don't do that in our taxes, your money should show right back up in handing it out to the poor. So I would encourage you to find something to give to. There are a lot of arguments for how you can read the book, How Helping Hurts. There are some ways that we can give that aren't helpful, that promote continued laziness and addiction. I understand that.

But there are ways to give. Don't use that as an excuse to guard your money. Use that as some wisdom to get it in the right hands in the right way. God's Helping Hands is right down the road. Our church helps support them, but you can help support them. They help pay bills and give food.

Oliver Gospel Mission across the river. They help with homelessness. His house helps men who are alcoholics get a job and get back on their feet. Compassion International. You can foster. One of the ways that we do this as a church is we help give money to Midtown Two Notch in downtown because they planted a church where the average household income is $19,000.

Not the average single income. The average household income is $19,000. And so in order for them to have a full-time pastor and somebody to be able to minister over there, they're not going to be able to pay. So we gather with some other churches to help support so they can have full-time work over there. Find something. Vet some organization and give some money to it.

All right. Y'all ready for some pie charts? I know y'all were hoping there would be some pie charts. Boom. Boom. Pie chart.

All right. So I did really even Numbers. So don't get super caught up on the Numbers. But let's say your income was $50,000. Household income $50,000. When money comes in, you're going to have to pay some taxes, but your first fruits would be right at 10%.

It's just a good starting place understanding how that would work. Then you would save some or you would pay down debt or both. So over the course of the year, you would save some money, and then you would live off the bulk of it. That's that blue section. That's paying bills, wearing clothes. At this rate, depending on how single or married or childrened up you are, depends on how thrifty you are.

And then you give some. I just put $100 a month. Like you're getting into this. You're figuring out how to do this. Depending on what you have, you would make this. But that's it.

Those are kind of the buckets of how you would put money and save and debt retirement are together. Let's say you work harder, get a promotion, marry a sugar mama, and your income goes up to $100,000. Again, just super level Numbers. What can happen is this. You'll notice the pie chart did not change. The Numbers just increased.

But the reality of what I think the Proverbs is calling us to is that as money comes in, the percentages also change. So that instead of it just being first fruits $10,000, save $10,000, live off of $77,600, and give $2,400 away, which you give more away, you doubled everything, but the percentages are the same, then it would actually start looking more like this the more money you got. That your giving would grow because your ability to live off of that amount. You were already living off a certain amount, so you learned how to live off of that. That eventually the wise might grow to the place where they've learned how to live.

Because what we've been taught in society, yeah, so then they get a raise of $15,000 over the course of a year, and that just cranks up what they give away. Trusting the Lord provides, trusting the Lord increases, trusting the Lord cares for them. The reality that our culture has taught us is that as your income grows, your lifestyle needs to grow. Your house needs to get bigger, your vacations need to get nicer, your clothes need to get nicer, that you level up continually. And the reality is if you get a big raise, yeah, I think it's perfectly fine to say, hey, thank you, Lord. We're going to use some of this for enjoyment, thanking the Lord that he provides for us.

But the reality of the way the Proverbs calls us to handle money is that the more that comes in, the more that ought to begin to go out. If you only make $40,000 a year, most of your money needs to be spent on living. It's just how it works. But if you're making $250,000 a year, you can live well inside of that and give a lot of money away. Trusting the Lord, lending to the Lord, that he blesses it, that he provides for it, and that he gives money to the righteous so that they might produce life in the world. If you are thinking, okay, I really need to figure out how to make a budget.

I know many of us are just like, this all sounds nice. I understand that Proverbs has given me some wisdom, but I need some practical help. I got three practical helps for you. Two of them are books. The Treasure Principle and Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, I would encourage both of these books. I would encourage you to read both of them.

Because what Total Money Makeover is going to do is he gives you practical steps to save some money, to get a budget. He has budget help in there. It's very straightforward. And the Treasure Principle is going to go through – it's a fairly short book, but it's going to go through a lot of the principles that the Bible has about giving your money away. So what Dave Ramsey teaches is learn how to handle your money well now so that you can be ludicrously rich later, rolling in the dough like Scrooge McDuck.

And actually, Dave Ramsey's a good place to start if you don't have a budget. But you need Randy Alcorn to tell you, yeah, that's not super biblical, that rolling in the money thing. And so let's talk about some better ways to use it that are more eternally minded. And so I would encourage you to read both. I would also encourage you to talk with our finance team. They are called Toast.

So Treasury Oversight and Sustainability Team. They named themselves that when we first started as a church plant because they said if they didn't do their job, we were toast. We agreed. They've done their job, and we're not toast yet. But we have a toast team that would – they will set up time with you to look at your money and help you make a budget and a plan.

And the truth is you'll be a little mad at them when you leave because it's your money and your heart's all wrapped up in it. And they're going to look at your thing and go, why are you spending that much money on that? And you're going to be like, hey, why are you all up in my business? And it's like, because you invited me to help. Oh, yeah, I remember. But it's helpful.

So those would be my three encouragement. You can email finance at millcitycasey.com and set that up. You can also just talk to me afterwards, and I'll get you in contact with somebody. All right. Basil the Great, AD 39 through 379. He says this.

He was a church leader in the early church. He says, the bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry. The coat unused in your closet belongs to the one who needs it. The shoes rotting in your closet belong to the one who has no shoes. The money which you hoard up belongs to the poor. Therefore, as often as you were able to help others and refused, so often did you do them wrong.

Jesus loves the poor, and he calls on us to love the poor. So get a job. Trust the Lord. Save some and live simply so that you can be generous and use your wealth for the help of others. Now, if you're like me, the Proverbs are getting pretty annoying. They're helpful.

But I haven't been getting high marks. I haven't been reading through the Proverbs, and it's just been like a highlight reel of all my awesomeness. I keep going through this, and it's like, Ted, comment? I would have told you I was wise before this, but I'm doing some dumb things. Anger, words, which was an unfun sermon. Money.

I hadn't even enjoyed preaching these. It's like I've had to repent all week long. I'm having to have conversations with my wife about our budget. It's not... The only one I did well on was the womanhood sermon. I was...

But we're coming out of this going, oh, my goodness. I got another thing I got to work on. I got something else that I'm having problems with. I got... Huh. I want to tell you all something to make sure that we're thinking about this right.

We're Christians. Christians. I taught my son when his younger brother was first born. I had to cut the grass some, and I would need my three, four-year-old to help keep an eye on his little brother. But he's not able to do anything other than just check on him.

So I'd have the front door open. I'd be cutting the grass. I told him he can't just run up on me. So I taught him a signal. It was pretty subtle. It was this.

That's the signal. Come on the front porch and do that till I see you. I will quit cutting the grass. I'll come inside. All the signal meant was, I need you. That's it.

Stop what you're doing. I need you. The reality is every time we run into one of these situations where we're seeing what obedience looks like, what wisdom looks like, and we aren't there, all we're doing is looking at Jesus and going, this is a place I need you. This is a place where I don't actually believe that you're better. This is a place where I don't actually believe that you're more enjoyable. This is a place where I don't actually trust that you're good.

And the reason we want to get rid of these places is not so that we have more of us, not so that you can leave the Proverbs series being more puffed up in your own strength, but so that we might lay those things down and have what is actually good, Jesus. That's why we repent of sin. That's why we root it out. That's why we grow in these things. That's why when he says to you, you're handling your money wrong, and we want to hold so tightly to it, the reality is if we could just put that down, we'd get something better. Him.

And so in these moments when we're seeing these things, we're saying, Lord, I need the gospel to penetrate my heart here. I don't really believe it yet. I don't really believe that you'll satisfy. So I have to chase all these other things. That's why I'm in debt. I'm looking for other things to satisfy.

I don't really believe that you'll protect me. That's why I'm trusting in my money. I don't really believe that you'll cover upcoming expenses, and you'll know that they're coming, and that you're sovereign and you're good. And I also kind of believe that you'll lead me into some difficult situations, and I don't really believe that in those difficult situations, I'll get more of you, and they'll be better. I just don't want the difficulty. We ought not leave beat up, and we ought not leave puffed up.

We ought to leave our sin and be wrapped up in the work of Christ, that we are free, and that He is good, and that He is delightful, and that He redeems. That's why we sing to Him. That's why we praise His name. That's why we say we just want Him, because He ultimately is good. So yes, we repent of sin.

Yes, we grow in wisdom, so that we might have that which is actually better to have. So I don't know for you what it is. I don't know if firstfruits is the immediate thing that you're just like, I can't do that. I just can't. Then wave your arms at Jesus and say, I don't trust you, and I need to believe the gospel more.

I don't know if it's, I don't want to get a job. I don't want to just get any Job. Maybe you have your identity wrapped up in a job, and can I tell you, it's not going to give you a good identity. Jesus gives you a better one. Maybe it's just apathy. You don't think you have much to bring.

You don't see the good effort and work in the world, and you need to wave your hands at Jesus and say, I just don't really believe that you've created everything good, and that you've redeemed it, and that you're working in this. Maybe you can't live simply, and you need to just wave your arms and say, Jesus, I don't find you that satisfying. Please let me learn to rest and trust and enjoy you. You say there's pleasures at your right hand forevermore. Let me believe that. Maybe it's that you can't, you only want to save, and that you just fear and doubt, and security is found in money for you, that you trust in it more than the Lord.

Maybe giving money away hurts you. I want to show you off something. This is 2 Corinthians 8, 9. It says, For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich. Some of us are just struggling with the idea that all we really needed from Jesus was a handout. Not some good coaching.

Not some wisdom so that we could get it together. Not just, hey, just watch me for a little while, and then give me like three tips, and I got this. But Jesus, I don't have anything if you don't show up. And he who had all strength, and all power, and all glory, and all wisdom, and all riches, and all wealth, gave it up, was stripped, was beaten, was naked, bled out, was buried, and rose again, so that by his poverty we might become rich. And you are if you were in Christ. That's why we respond with money the way we're supposed to respond with it.

Because I'm already rich in Christ. Money can't give me anything that I don't already have. And I'm just practicing what I already believe, which is that Jesus, by his strength, used it for my good, so I get to use it for the good of others. And that I trust him, and that he's good, and that I can follow him in all of life. So as we walk through the Proverbs, repent!

Not so that you can be better, and present yourself to Jesus as glorious. No! He presents you as glorious through his atoning work on the cross. Repent so that you might enjoy Jesus. And for some of us today, that means money. But can I tell you, he's better.

Matt and Carson are going to come back up, and we're going to sing to Jesus because he's better. May we believe that he's better. God, we ask that you would help us to trust you, to get you, to get rid of these things so that we might have you. Lord, we thank you that you used your riches to make us rich. That you used your strength to make us strong. That you used your power to give us hope and a future.

You do not call on us to be rich, or to be powerful, or to have strength. You don't call on us to get it together and to be good, but you call on us to come to you knowing that you are good. So Lord, help us to get to work. Help us to respond with righteousness as you increase our wealth. So that we might grow in delighting in you, and sharing your life and your goodness and your grace with the world.

Lord, make the people in this church family rich in spiritual blessings. Make us rich in finances. So that we can send more missionaries. So that we can care for the poor well in Casey. Make us rich so that we can multiply life and righteousness through the way that we handle it. And Lord, by your grace, if we are not ready to handle it, keep us right where we are.

Until we learn to love you more than money. God, we thank you for your grace, and we thank you for your spirit, and may we have more of you. Get rid of everything that's in the way of that. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Amen.

Amen. Amen.

Wisdom and Wealth (pt. 1) (Proverbs 10:16, 18:10-11)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. We're going to be talking about money. Who's excited? Yeah. I knew y'all would be glad to be here.

The Proverbs has a lot to say about money. And we were going to try to take this all on in one week. But it was looking like it was going to be like a 37 point sermon. Which for those of y'all who've been here a while and have heard me preach, you know that I mostly like to preach sermons that don't even have a point. And so 37 was going to be a lot. So we're going to look at it in two weeks.

We're going to study it this week and we're going to see what the Proverbs have to say about our approach to money. How we ought to consider money as we come to it. But then next week we're going to look at basically what does Lady Wisdom do when she gets a paycheck? What does her budget look like? If you are wise and righteous, what does your budget look like? But this week we're going to take a more broad view and just kind of understand some of the things that the Proverbs has to say about money and finances and wealth.

And I know that talking about money can make some people uncomfortable. And I know for some of you if it's your first Sunday you were like, I knew it! I knew this is all they talked about in churches. It's not, but it will be for the next two weeks. But stay for three and then you'll hear something different.

But I know this makes people uncomfortable sometimes to talk about money and so I thought I'd ease us in by talking about something else to start off. So we're going to begin this morning by talking about guns. That's actually just a fun transition into this idea. We will get to guns, but let me tell you that I have two sons. I have a three-year-old and a six-year-old and I'm teaching them things all the time. And I'm going to have to continue to teach them things all the time.

And one of the things that I've realized is there are certain things in life that are good and enjoyable, but that you have to approach with a certain level of seriousness, a certain level of maturity, a certain level of caution, a certain level of wisdom. Otherwise, they can be very, very bad. Swimming is like this. Swimming is a lot of fun. But without a certain level of maturity, without a certain level of wisdom, without a certain level of seriousness, it can be very terrible.

We like to build fires in my backyard and roast marshmallows. And that can be a lot of fun. But without a certain level of maturity, it can be terrible. I want to teach my sons to hunt one day. That's where the guns comes in. It was just a fun intro, like I said, to this idea.

But without a certain level of maturity and seriousness and training and thought, that can be terrible. I want to teach them to drive a vehicle one day. And there's tons of things in the world that work like this. And the Proverbs are going to caution us that money is also like this. That finances are like this. Wealth are like this.

There's this idea that we have that if I just had more money, things would be better. And the Proverbs says, no, maybe not. Maybe you having more money would make things worse. Maybe it would be bad for you to have more money. And so even this tension of us going, well, money is not like that, means that we have some wisdom to gain from the Proverbs that knows something about wealth that we don't. So let's pray and let's study this together.

And hopefully we can change our approach to money a little bit. God, we thank you for this time we get to spend gathered as your redeemed people. That even as we've spent this time in the book of Proverbs over the past several weeks, and as we continue to spend our time in the book of Proverbs, and we grow in wisdom, we do not grow in our ability to be saved. We do not grow in our morality so that you might love us more. We do not come as people who are here to get this right so that we might have life. We come as those who have been given life through the work of Christ, and therefore get to grow in obedience and joy as we walk faithfully following you.

So, Lord, may we be a gospel people who trust your word and trust you, and may we grow in wisdom. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Proverbs 10, chapter 16 says this, The wage of the righteous leads to life, the gain of the wicked to sin. The wage of the righteous leads to life, the gain of the wicked to sin. So when the righteous get paid, good things happen.

Life increases. Life increases. Life increases. That there is more of God's work and ministry going on in the world when the righteous have money. That through money there can be people can be helped. People can eat.

Things can change. Sin can be held at bay. That there's these things through money, through wages, that in the hands of the righteous are very, very good. But money in the hand of the wicked, when they gain, when their portfolio looks really nice, it only increases sin. So if you take notes, one of the first things you need to write down is that money is a tool.

Money is a tool. And therefore, because it is a tool, it depends on who's wielding it as to whether or not it's good or bad. This is why, if you just think, if I just have more money, things will be better, the proverb says, maybe not. Maybe it will just empower you to sin more. My family, we appreciate the movie Megamind. It's a very underrated movie.

Some of you are like, I've never heard of that. I just said it was very underrated. Megamind is a good movie. One of the scenes in Megamind, they encapsulate superhero powers basically in a pill. And they're trying to find someone to give this to. So they have basically the powers of Superman in a little capsule.

And what you realize is that the powers don't actually make you great. They just enhance who you are. So if you give the powers to someone who is already righteous, then they will be super-powered righteous. But if you give it to someone who is a fool, you will have a super-powered fool. I don't want to ruin the movie for you. It ends up in the hands of a fool.

And it makes things worse. And so that's actually somehow we ought to consider money. That if you had more money, it does not necessarily mean good things for you. It actually may be God's grace on you right now that he's kept you in your tax bracket. Because he's gracefully limiting your ability to multiply your sin. Some of y'all need to go home and say, thank you, Jesus.

That I only get to sin at just barely above the poverty level. Because if you'd have given me money, I'd have been all over the place. We've been convincing ourselves that if we just had money, things would be fine. But that's not necessarily true. And so we need to grow in wisdom before we get money. Because money works like this, it is a tool.

But that means that money is also a test. That money displays what you love, what you care about, what matters to you. That money displays your heart. It's like taking a test. That's what a test is, that it shows us where we are. And you don't actually have to have a lot of money for it to do this.

All money does this. It's what Jesus says in Luke 16, 10. One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much. And one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. Sometimes we like to convince ourselves that I'm only this way with my money because I don't have a lot. And that sounds great unless you talk to Jesus.

And he says, that's not true. But we believe this in other things. We don't think that she makes a terrible employee, but she'll be a great boss. She'll show up to time, work on time and really care. It's like she has this much responsibility right now and she can't do that. So let's give her more.

Don't believe that. If you're dating a guy and he says, yeah, I'm a bad boyfriend, but I'll really step it up when we get married. Don't believe that. That's not how it works. And so if right now you do not handle money well, biblically, getting more of it will not help you. It will harm you.

It will promote wickedness and sin. So money is a tool. And because of that, it's a test. Our money displays what we love, what we care about. But it's not that neutral.

It actually gets worse than that. The scriptures tell us that it's not just a test. It is also a temptation. That money woos us towards sin. And that you're better off without it to be sinless than to pursue it and grow in sin. So it's a temptation.

Proverbs 18, 10 through 11 says this. The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous man runs into it and is safe. A rich man's wealth is his strong city and like a high wall in his imagination. I love those two verses together. The name of the Lord is a strong tower.

That you can run into him and be safe. This is told to us throughout the scriptures that all those who believe in him will not be put to shame. That if you trust him, he will rescue you. He will defend you. That all you really need is him and he can protect you and keep you. And then it says, but rich people replace God with money.

God is a strong tower, but to a rich man, his money is his strong city. Like a high wall in his imagination. Oh, a little pretend wall. That's cute. It's like when my son's holding up a cardboard like roll-up thing and it's a sword. It's like, that's neat.

You're not going to get to defend our house with it though because it won't actually work. That's what it says about money. And the truth is right now we can look at this and go, those rich people. Trusting their money. Thinking it's a strong tower. But the reality is, isn't that how money works?

Don't we see how much money we have first to then decide whether or not we really need to pray about something? Some of you, your tire blew out. It's not a problem. I have money. Some of you, your tire blew out and it was a big problem. Why?

Because you didn't have money. Your strong city was gone. You needed a strong tower. And it just depends on your tax bracket and your wealth amount and how many zeros you have in your bank account as to how safe you feel. And that's why money can lure us away because money makes God-sized promises that are extremely believable. I mean, extremely believable.

It says things to us and to our hearts. That's why it's competing. That you can trust in the Lord, but a rich man doesn't trust in his wealth. Because it's so easy to do. It makes God-level promises and we want to believe them. That's why Jesus says you can't serve God and money.

You'll either love one or hate the other. They're in competition in a distinct way. Your money says to you, do not be afraid for I am with you. I know the plans that I have for you. Plans for good and not for harm. To give you a future and a hope.

Pleasures are at my right hand forevermore. And none of us doubt it. If I had enough money, wouldn't that just be true? I always feel like this is the reality because we can replace worship songs with money and they still make sense. I grew up singing the song, Because He Lives. That song could just be Because I'm Rich.

Because I'm rich, I can face tomorrow. Because I'm rich, all fear is gone. Come on. Because I know who holds the future. And life is worth the living just because I'm rich. And we believe that.

But it's not just that. A mighty fortress is our gold. We could make a whole album. Only bling forever in cash alone. Money makes God-level promises to us and we do not doubt them. And that is a danger.

And the more money you have, the more believable it becomes. And again, I'll say, God has been gracious to us in that He has not let us grow in finances if we are not yet trusting in Him. And it can actually be a form of His wrath on you for you to financially succeed so that you might run headlong into sin. Proverbs 11, 28 says this. Whoever trusts in his riches will fall. And in the Hebrew, that word fall means fall to His death.

But the righteous will flourish like a green leaf. So when we begin to believe this, when we believe that money can redeem us, save us, help us, protect us, that it is sovereign over us to keep us from harm and danger and to give us the good life, we begin to head into trouble. 1 Timothy 6, 9 says, Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. Matthew 13, 22. As for what was sown among the thorns, this is the one who hears the word. These people who would say they believe, but the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and it proves unfruitful.

That our money lies to us. And it competes with God and we begin to love it. We begin to worship it. We begin to serve it. And this is an idol. We have a handful of things that I think will help us identify this idolatry.

Let's look back at that chapter 18. So this is like a strong tower in his imagination. A high wall in his imagination. So I think one of the first questions you can begin to ask is, how does money work in my imagination? Be the first question to try to see, is this an idol for you? Is this something that you long for?

Is it something that you worship? How does it work in your imagination? How do you finish the sentence? If I just had enough money, then I wouldn't have to worry. As if money somehow replaces the sovereignty of God on the throne. If I just had enough money, then I could be happy.

I wouldn't be so stressed. Then I could really have the good stuff. If I just had enough money, then people would listen to me. They would respect me. What is it? How do you finish that sentence?

And the reality is, however you finish that sentence helps you begin to identify what it is that you want money for, what it is that you will most love to serve, and why you would get money. And all of them can be an extreme danger to us. So that's the first question. How does money work in your imagination? Number two, has money begun to give you identity? Proverbs 28, 11 says, A rich man is wise in his own eyes, but a poor man who has understanding will find him out.

Okay, so wealth and wisdom. So it says a rich man says, I'm wise. Becomes wise in his own eyes, which in the Proverbs, being wise in your own eyes is one of the pinnacles of foolishness. But he actually thinks that his wealth dictates to him his character and his maturity. And for many of us who aren't rich, we're like, But don't we often use money to help us know where we are in life? Like a tangible scorekeeper?

As to whether or not we're good, as to whether or not we're successful, as to whether or not we've progressed. Don't you, when you picture yourself, you have more money in the future than you do right now? I don't know of any American who thinks in the future I'll be poorer than I am right now. And if you do, someone near you will say, have you not heard of compound interest? You're doing this wrong. But there's this reality that we use this as somehow dictates to us how we're doing, who we are.

Like somehow wealth dictates to us character. And that is completely foreign to the scriptures and is actually foolish. So has your money begun to give you an identity? Either to grant it to you or to take it from you, depending on where your wealth is at the moment. Third question. Are you willing to sin to get money?

So here's how idolatry works. If we love Jesus as our highest joy, then we will forsake sin to have him. But if something else is our highest joy, even though we know that something is wrong, we will choose sin to have it. It's one of the best ways for you to identify what you love more than Jesus is just ask the question, what am I willing to sin to have? But specifically here, are you willing to sin to have money, to get money?

Proverbs 15, 27 says, Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live. Unjust gain means gain that you should not have gotten. You're welcome. That's greed. Wanting something that should not be yours. Sinning to get it.

Let's look at a couple. Proverbs 22, 16 says, Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty. So, the back half of these two that we're going to look at, show that God ultimately thwarts this plan. But it also, in the first half, shows us that we try it. So there is a way to oppress the poor to increase your own wealth, and to be generous with the rich, and Jesus talks about this as well, to be generous with those, to give to those who can give back to you.

But there's no point in being generous to the poor, because they can't help you. But being generous and gracious to the rich, rich is a good way to grow in social capital. The next one says this, Whoever multiplies his wealth by interest and profit, gathers it for him who is generous to the poor. Again, ultimately, God's going to thwart that plan. But, oh my goodness. I went to business school.

I have a business degree. I studied economics. Multiply your wealth by interest and profit. That's what we're supposed to do. It's what I've been told my whole life. Now, it's a little more nuanced than it reads.

I want to say some things real quick. One is, I'm a fan of capitalism. I think it actually does promote greater freedom. I think it does promote greater wealth. I think everybody ends up a little bit better off. But there is an untethered capitalism that most Americans ascribe to that is wickedness.

We're taught to pay the lowest wages you can possibly pay to retain the type of worker you need to retain. And that you pay them more if it's in your best interest to do so. We're told to charge the maximum amount of money you can charge for an item where people will still pay for it. We're told to gain as much interest as we possibly can to pay as little interest as we possibly can. And ultimately, the Bible's going to say that these tactics begin to oppress the poor. And that God does not look favorably on it.

You know who pays the highest interest rates on things? The poor. Do you know where payday loans are located? And buy here, pay here, car places are located? Do you know who has to take the lowest wages offered? And keep taking the lowest wage offered?

Do you know who buys things in smaller quantities for a higher markup? Do you know who does not have a Sam's card? Or a Costco membership? The Bible says that we practice this to the detriment of our souls. Now, some of you just got real excited because we took 15 seconds to stick it to the man. Well, you're included in here as well.

Let's see. Proverbs 20, 23 and 21, 6. It says, Unequal weights are an abomination to the Lord and false scales are not good. The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death. There's a possibility for you to convince yourself that whatever you do that somehow takes away from the big corporations, whether it's true or not, is perfectly justified because they're wicked. The Bible would call that wickedness.

Unequal weights is the idea that someone would have when they were buying and selling a different weight that they actually used to measure out goods so that you could pay less and charge more. You don't walk around with weights in your pocket. But you probably have played up the quality of the vehicle you were selling when you knew there were some things wrong with it. You probably have played down how much you wanted something, maybe even lied about it. I used to work in sales. Customers ask good questions that salespeople don't know the answer to.

People who sell a lot of things make up good answers that may or may not be true. If you meet a salesperson and they have really good answers to everything, there's a good chance that they are lying to you. Some people clock in and don't work. Have their friend clock in for them. Some of you have started working from home because of the pandemic. I'm sorry.

Working from home because of the pandemic. There's a way for us to lie to gain. You lie on your resume. Download pirated content. You know the sticker is wrong on something at a retail place, but the person running the register doesn't, so you pay what they asked you. It's a good way to save some cash.

It's an unjust weight. It's an abomination to the Lord. Are we willing to sin to gain? Now, I would encourage you to not just sit at this moment and try to think through that, but to go sit with the Holy Spirit and ask these questions because the Holy Spirit does not want sin for you because sin ultimately does not lead to life. I have found one of the questions. I ask the Lord a lot of questions.

I found one of the ones He's most readily able to answer and desires to answer for me is where am I sinning? I can usually sit with a blank sheet of paper and say, Lord, where am I sinning and not seeing it? He usually has a few things that He tells me. That's why I don't do it very often. I find it uncomfortable. But I would encourage you to sit and do that.

The next one is, are you willing to sin to keep your money? Some of us made it through. We're not willing to sin to get money. But the Proverbs says some things about keeping our money. Proverbs 11, 24 says, One gives freely. It grows all the richer.

We're going to talk about that next week when we talk about what does wisdom do with its money. But the next one says this, Another withholds what he should give and only suffers want. You'll see that word should in there. Not withholds what he could give. Not withholds what he might give. Withholds what he should give.

Meaning that some of the money you have, there are claims made to it that are not your own. Three primary ones that the Bible is going to give us. Is that we are to return our first fruits to the Lord. Meaning to support His work. We're to pay our taxes. And to be generous to the poor.

And that when you get money, you are a steward of God's provision. And you ought to handle it well. The FedEx driver does not get to go through the boxes and decide what they keep and what they deliver. And some of the money that is coming into your account is not for you. But we withhold what we should give.

The poor is disliked even by his neighbor. But the rich has many friends. Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner. But blessed is he who is generous to the poor. So I think one of the best questions is to ask, how do you defend your money?

How do you defend your money? What do you tell yourself to make yourself feel better about the fact that you are guarding your money? Well, I would give to them but they'd handle it poorly. So I'll handle it poorly for them right now. I don't have to give because I give my time. Which you should do.

You give your time. That's good. But that's also a really good way to defend your cash. Oh, this is one of my personal favorites. I like to execute this move. It's I find out someone needs something.

I tell myself I'm more than happy to help them. Because I have to say that to myself so I can feel good. And then I say, but I'll wait and see if somebody else takes care of it first. I don't want to get in the way of letting someone else receive a blessing by being generous. You have really needy friends. So then you just change that to I had some really needy friends.

You avoid certain sections of town because someone might ask you for something or you'll just see them and know they need it and you feel uncomfortable. So you just tell yourself it's not really safe over there. What you really mean is my cash isn't really safe over there plus my guilt feels bad when I'm in that side of town. You've got 15 I hadn't even mentioned. We're all really good at this. But are we willing to sin to keep our money?

Proverbs 21, 26 All day long this is the sluggard. He craves and craves but the righteous gives and does not hold back. I think just one of the simple tests is does all your money terminate on you? Every bit of the money that comes in go towards your life your lifestyle how you get things. Do you crave and crave? Can't wait until you get your next paycheck because you know already what it's going to get for you.

It's a good way to indicate that you're handling your money poorly. Money is a tool it tests us and it tempts us. Proverbs 23, 4 says Do not toil to acquire wealth. Be discerning enough to desist. That be discerning enough means in the words of the way my dad would put it is have enough sense. Have enough sense to stop.

When your eyes light on it it is gone for suddenly it sprouts wings flying like an eagle toward heaven. Some of you are like I thought that was just my money. The Bible says all money works like that? It just disappears? It's one of the ideas from the scriptures that ultimately all your money will be gone but you can use it in a way that has eternal effect but to pursue money ultimately will fail you. And so the Proverbs says have enough sense to stop.

But how many of us have just bought into the lie that if I can just make more if I can just get to here if I could just be as high as if I could just have as much as if I could just finally get this house this car these clothes these friends this job that office Proverbs says see it and stop. Now why? Why does God tell us that? Proverbs 15 16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. If you don't fear the Lord your great treasure will trouble you. It will lead you into sin.

It will lead you into temptation. It will convince you to trust it and it makes very convincing arguments. But the Bible says it's better it's better if you just have the Lord. That Jesus is better if you can end up with him and no money no treasure you're better. Why does it say that? Because it believes it.

Is better if you can end up with him and no money no treasure you're better. Why does it say that? Because it believes it. It believes that he actually is a strong tower that can defend you that can protect you that can provide for you that can guard you that can help you.

He owns all the money multiple times in this these Proverbs it kept saying God's going to take the money and give it to who he wants to. He can do that anytime he needs to for you and he will. Now you can have treasure actual real treasure and you can also have a little an actual

Little this isn't some sort of trick like if I get Jesus then I get the cash no you you might just have a little you might miss out on some things there might be some stuff you don't get to go do you don't get to partake in

Your house is not as nice but you get Jesus and he's better there's joy and peace and hope and life and if you read through the Proverbs you'll see this over and over again it's better to just have some love than a giant house where there's wickedness and trouble

It says it's better to eat herbs than a meal with meat where there's trouble and wickedness and sin now herbs is the stuff we put on top of our meat so just eating herbs is like what but it says it's better because he's better he wants himself for you

So much so that he was willing to die to rescue you to steal your heart back from money he wants good for you and hope and life for you and money lies to you and we so often believe it isn't it more tangible isn't it more under our control isn't it nicer to

Have at some point I just want money because I don't really want God to be in charge of how things work out for me it's not that I don't trust him it's just that I don't really trust him that's really what we're saying

I just need well okay but I just need the money and if he could just give me the money then I'll just handle it fine and that'll be great ultimately money is a good gift it's just a terrible God it can be used for good things

We'll talk about that next week but if we don't have wisdom we don't have righteousness we don't have the fear of the Lord you don't want money it's just gonna be worse if you have righteousness if you have wisdom if you have fear of

The Lord then you can have some money because it won't grab your heart you can handle it much much differently Proverbs 11 7 when the wicked dies his hope will perish the expectation of wealth

Perishes too the rich and the poor meet together the Lord is maker of them all eventually everything money told you it was gonna do it fails to deliver eventually yes you can be super rich and you

Can own a chimpanzee and have a super nice house and a swimming pool but eventually everything money tells you it's going to do it fails to do it doesn't protect you it doesn't provide for you it doesn't save you it doesn't give you pleasures forevermore

It doesn't have a hope and a future for you Jesus does but your money doesn't that's what it says Proverbs 11 4 riches do not profit in the day of wrath but righteousness delivers from death you know there's a day of

Wrath coming where we stand held accountable for our sin and we want to stand in the righteousness of Christ not in the wealth of our bank account one of the benefits that rich people have in the world right now is that

They can sue out of court they can settle out of court they can just work something out with somebody they can make a deal most people can't do that they have to go to court to get justice but a lot of wealthy people can just say it's gonna be too much of a

Burden too much time too expensive and I'll just settle out of court there is a court that rich people cannot settle out of because no one can settle out of it you stand in that court on that day before the king and you are

Either clothed in his righteousness or you stand on your own and wealth cannot save you but all those who put their faith in Jesus will not be put to shame so may we be wise enough to stop chasing money to understand its inherent dangers to approach it with some

Wisdom and some temperance and some calm and be happier to not have it and have Jesus than to just get it so that we can feel okay right now in our imaginations the band's gonna come back up we're gonna

Be thankful in Christ that we have an inheritance that is undefiled unfading and kept in heaven for you we read that earlier together but that's the reality for those who have placed their faith in Jesus is that there is hope

In him that he keeps us from danger that he keeps us for all eternity so we're gonna try to join with Proverbs 37 through 9 that says this two things I ask of you deny them not to me before I die remove far from me

Falsehood and lying give me neither poverty nor riches feed me with the food that is needful for me lest I be full and deny you and say who is the Lord or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name

Of my God can we be that free can we just come to him and say Jesus I just want you you handle the finances give me what you want me to have I trust you but don't give me so much that I

Lose this make sure I'm fed make sure I'm cared for Lord I trust you to do that but oh Lord help me not have money be a thing

That stands in the way of me having you can I just have you can we say that can we believe that by the power of the spirit can we just say I just can it

This not get in the way can I just have you so we're going to stand and we're going to sing take the world but give

Me Jesus and we're going to try to join with Proverbs 30 and say Lord let me just have you and if I can have

That it'll be enough and there can be times I really need to trust you and I really need to lean in you but

The truth is in those moments I get more of you that's what he wants for us so much so that he would die

That we might have him and he might have us and the truth is if money gets in the way of it get rid

Of it let's pray Lord our money tempts us towards sin and it exposes our hearts and may we not believe the lie that

We're told by money and that our culture supports wholeheartedly that it will give us hope it will give us future it will keep

Us safe it will tell us who we are and how much value we have may we run from that to the cross and

The king who holds all pleasure and joy and treasure and hope forever Lord may we handle money as if we have been redeemed

And were held in the very competent hands of the ruler of the universe might we look so drastically different when it comes to how we

Handle our finances to what our bank account looks like because we trust that you are God over all may we be honest in

Our dealing may we be open with our finances may we be generous Lord may we have you in Jesus name Amen we have

In 简 we have him may speak in your words

Wisdom and Anger

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. He is great. He can throw well.

He can even hit. It was very exciting up until about a month ago. He finally had a bad outing and he left the mound pretty angry and did what no pitcher should ever do. He got to the dugout and decided to use his fists in his anchor and he punched the dugout benches. And I don't know if you've ever punched something like a bench or a wall. It does not go well for your hand.

And he broke his hand and he's out for like the next, he's out a month, he's like two more months that he's out, which hurts us. He learned a valuable lesson. When you get angry, kick things. If you're a pitcher, do not use your hands. They are very valuable for your career. But no, he felt embarrassed.

The coach came out and just said he's super embarrassed, super frustrated and super mad at kind of how he went about himself and making a fool of himself. The reality is, is that that happens to us, right? In our anger, we do foolish things, not as public as his mistake, but the reality is, is that we mess up in a lot of different ways that are more private. Maybe you've lost your temper and you've acted harshly towards your spouse behind closed doors. Maybe you're the kind of person that you've snapped at your kids when they don't react the way that you want them to. Maybe you are the kind of person that has sent passive aggressive emails to co-workers in your anger and made a fool of yourself.

Maybe you've even given your friends when they have treated you not the way that you've wanted to be treated. You've given them a cold shoulder, right? You've just been angry towards them. The reality is, is we do this on a regular basis in a lot of different ways. Anger is both self-destructive and it hurts and harms others. So we're going to look at the Proverbs today and see what it has to say, what kind of wisdom it has to give for the subject matter of wrath.

So as we move through this today, we're going to look at it from three different angles. We are first going to look at the danger of anger. Why anger is dangerous. Then we're going to look secondly at the fulfillment of wrath. How this shows up throughout the whole of the scriptures. And then lastly, we're going to get real practical in how to rule our anger.

How to rule our anger. How to control our wrath. So let me pray and then we'll jump into the text. Father, we thank you for your word. That it is a gift. That you have spoken.

And we get to open it up. We get to let it go to work on our hearts. And I pray this morning that you would soften our hearts. That you would move us towards repentance. And ultimately sing the wisdom that you have to say about anger. We ask this in Jesus' name.

Amen. Alright, so. Proverbs 15, 18. A hot-tempered man stirs up strife. But he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Alright, so that's one idea we're going to see throughout this. An uncontrolled man stirs up strife. They stir up mess. And their life and the life around them. And the ideal that is holed up is being slow to anger. That's the ideal that we would be.

Slow to anger. And then kind of the anchor passage for our morning is Proverbs 16, 32. Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. That's what's upheld for us to strive after this morning. Is that we would be slow to anger.

In a way that it says that if you are slow to anger. You are mightier than one that takes down cities. Is what it's getting at. You're mightier than a conqueror. And that's difficult. That's what's being upheld here.

It's difficult to rule your spirit. It's easy to take down a city in comparison to being able to control your anger. So that's how hard it pictures for us. Controlling your anger. So I have three kids.

My youngest. She still looks like a baby because she doesn't have a lot of hair. But she is very firmly a toddler. She is in that stage. And when she gets angry. She gets beat right in the face.

And she throws her hands in the air. And she just screams. She yells across the house. Ah! And then she finds the couch. It's kind of her favorite spot.

And she just collapses into the couch. And just screams into the couch. And it's a little bit humorous. Our oldest. She sees it in laughs. We can't laugh at this.

It's going to reinforce the behavior. But it's. She has no. Listen. She's a toddler. She has no ability to be able to control what's happening inside her.

She hasn't gotten there yet. And there's a lot of really physical things that are happening inside of her when she gets angry. There's some physiological things that happen when you get angry. There's a nervous tension that starts to run through your body. Right? Your adrenaline spikes.

And your blood starts pumping. And you're on edge. You get alert. The muscles in your face and your chest start to tighten. Sometimes for some people their stomach starts to churn. And then blood starts to flow throughout your muscles.

For some people it flows to their face. That's why they get hot. Red. And face. There's a lot of physical things that are happening. They've done brain scans that show that part of your brain just lights up when you get angry.

It's a very physical. Natural. Response. And it happens. All in a matter of seconds. And for the one who cannot control their anger.

The physical takes over. And they act foolishly. Anger manifests itself physically. But it's also an emotion. And specifically it's the emotion of judgment. It's an emotion that arises out of a feeling of being wronged.

And the Bible has two kind of broad categories in how it speaks about anger. There is righteous anger that mirrors the Lord. And then there's unrighteous, uncontrolled anger that is sinful. Now, the Proverbs doesn't say a whole lot about the righteous anger category. It just doesn't. But I do want to highlight it here so we don't get confused.

Because there is an idea that there is this righteous anger. When it perfectly reflects God's anger, His wrath, that it's actually holy. Even though the Proverbs doesn't spend a lot of time on it. So let me quickly just highlight this for us. Righteous anger is a judgment that says this is not right. Righteous anger is a judgment that says this isn't right.

When Jesus is in the temple in John 2. And He sees the temple being used as a marketplace for greedy and corrupt places. He sees the house of worship being tainted with this kind of greed and corruption. There's a righteous anger, a zeal that rises up within Him. And it says in John 2, And making a whip of cords, which I don't know if you've ever made a whip of cords. I don't know if that's one of your hobbies.

But that takes some time. Right? He's making this whip of cords. They're slow to anger as He's getting ready to make action from His judgment. It says, So He's slow to anger. But He sees something that is not wrong.

And for righteousness' sake, He goes and He clears out the temple. So we see that anger in and of itself actually isn't sin. You can go to Ephesians 4, 26, which says, Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. It says, Be angry, but don't sin in your anger. So, if anger is an emotion, Alright?

And if it actually slowly rises out of a heart for justice or for God's righteousness, or for godly correction, for some categories that have to do with righteous anger, then you are in the clear. That you actually are honoring God. The problem is, is that 99% of the time, that's not how we get angry. It's just not us. And the Proverbs is basically speaking about uncontrolled anger. And they're capturing that idea.

So that is what we're going to spend the majority of our time this morning. It's how the Proverbs talks about this uncontrolled, sinful anger that is within us. And I'm going to walk through three different dangerous aspects of anger that the Proverbs upholds for us. So three different dangerous aspects. The first is uncontrolled anger is foolish. Uncontrolled anger is foolish.

Proverbs 14, verse 17 says, A man of quick temper Acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated. Verse 29, it says, Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. So, you may not be a person that throws their hands in the air and starts screaming across the house like a crazy person when you get angry. Right? Some of you may. We may need to talk after this.

But the majority of us, we don't act like a toddler when we get angry. But there are things that provoke in us anger. Maybe you're the kind of person that when you are driving and you get cut off in traffic, that there are colorful words and gestures that just flow from you when you get angry, all while repping a Mill City bumper sticker, which, thank you for being a bad witness. If you struggle with getting very angry, maybe take it off for a season, work on your anger, and then put it back on. Right? Maybe that's you.

Maybe when you are angry, you're the kind of person that hurls the cruelest insults you can. You hurl cruel insults at your wife, at your friends, at your roommates. There's this thing, this physical thing that takes over, and all of a sudden you would describe yourself maybe as, or others would describe you as hot-headed. The reality is that this is you. If you are hot-headed, if you act rashly when you get upset, if you have this category of uncontrolled anger that exhibits itself in flashbang fashion, it says you are foolish. The Bible has a category of foolishness and sin.

It says you're undisciplined. You lack self-control. You're unpredictable. You are dangerous in your words and actions. And the Proverbs and the rest of the Bible are going to uphold this ideal, this being slow to anger. And the reality is that being slow to anger is not natural to us.

It's not human. Actually, being slow to anger is godly. It's an attribute of the Lord. You see, when Moses is on the mountain in Mount Sinai, God comes and speaks to him. It's one of the more foundational passages about the character of God in the Old Testament. So God is surrounding the mountain, and he calls out to Moses.

It says in Exodus 34, The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. This idea that God describes himself is slow to anger. The rest of the scriptures uphold this. You can see it in Numbers 14, in 2 Chronicles 30, Nehemiah 9, Psalm 86. Actually, there's multiple places throughout the Psalms that uphold this idea that God is slow to anger. The God who knows the future and can see our sin and our rebellion thousands of years before we commit it is slow to anger and forbearing with us.

He is not hasty in his judgment. He is not quick to get angry. He is not quick to judge. Unlike us, his judgment is always sound. It is always perfect. We, on the other hand, are hasty in our judgment.

That is one of the core reasons that we get angry. We are quick to get angry because we believe that our judgment is sound. We believe we're right. Uncontrolled, sinful anger is ultimately our displeasure at how things are happening, at how we're treated at a more base level. We get angry when things don't go our way. And what happens in a moment is you basically have a kangaroo court for a mind.

When something makes you mad, in a moment's notice, you play judge, jury, executioner, like that. You have made the judgment. Someone has wronged you. Someone has done something that is wrong. And you are going to respond accordingly. We are hasty in our judgment.

And when we do this, when we make hasty judgments, when we respond in uncontrolled anger, we harm others. A few months back, one of my children was using our upstairs toilet and put too much toilet paper in and it overflowed. And when I found out about this, I responded with some uncontrolled anger. Just responded harshly to the situation. And it was foolishness for two different reasons. Firstly, my children are five, three, and one.

And goodness gracious, they make mistakes. But the reason that I was getting so upset was that when it overflowed, the water flowed into the subflooring and it went into the ceiling above our kitchen. And the reason why it was foolish is not just because I have young children, and it's understandable, but that might happen every now and then. We've been in the process. The second reason, we've been remodeling a house for the last year. And bit by bit, this has been a complete remodel.

And in that upstairs bathroom, like an idiot, I never sealed the toilet when we reset it. It was my fault. It was my fault that the water flowed under the toilet and into the ceiling. But I went up there, and in a hasty judgment, I overreacted. Not realizing that my children are going to make mistakes. Not realizing that it's actually my fault that the ceiling has a spot in it now.

We do this. And what happened out of that was, is that my child was afraid to flush the toilet for quite a while after that. It harms people around us when we make these hasty judgments. And if you're honest with yourself, you've been there. You've lived some version of that story where you saw a situation unfold, you reacted poorly in your anger, and out of your poor reaction, out of your sinful, hasty judgment, you harmed others. And the hope is, is that you have the humility enough to realize that, and can repent when it happens.

Hasty judgment. Hasty, quick to anger. This is foolishness. It says it's foolishness. Also dangerous anger. This uncontrolled anger.

The second thing is that it causes sin. Uncontrolled anger causes sin. Proverbs 29, 22. It says, A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. It says, A man of wrath stirs up conflict. They stir up strife, and they cause sin.

That dangerous anger causes sin and stirs up strife in those around it. And the reality is, is we need to be able to picture this, what types of anger do this. I read in preparation for this this week, a book by David Pallison. He is a helpful counseling pastor. He was. He died a couple of years ago.

But he has a lot of very helpful books when it comes to Christian counseling. He has one on anger called Good and Angry. And if you struggle with anger, I encourage you to get on Amazon today and order it. Because it's a very helpful book. But he has some of these different categories of destructive anger, and how these categories harm and hurt others and those around you.

So I just want to walk through a few of them so we can see some of these destructive categories of anger. The first one is arguing. Maybe you're the type of person, when you get angry, you are going to argue. You are going to use your words as a weapon. You will out-argue anyone to win your way. So my wife and I get in arguments.

If I want to, I can win pretty much everyone. Before I was called to ministry, I thought about being a lawyer. So I can be pretty decent at arguments. My wife is not a wordsmith. She's just not. When she tries to get arguments sometimes, she says the wrong thing, and I find it very cute.

But the problem is, is that I can use that against her. I can win every argument. I can be domineering and go after it. But the reality is, is that that violates so many of the commands of Scripture. 1 Peter 3, 7 comes to mind. Live with your wife in an understanding way.

Showing honor to her. So at what cost, right? For those of you that argue, at what cost is it worth it to get one more dig in, to get one more argument in? At what cost to your roommates? At what cost to your friends? At what cost to your co-workers?

Is it worth it in your anger to lash out and argue? Maybe it's not arguing. Maybe it's irritability. It's the second category of anger that he gives. Now this can be, irritability can show up in a lot of different ways.

There's kind of two kind of spectrums of anger sometimes where it's hot anger or cold anger. Hot anger is the one that we're most familiar with, right? You get heated. It's, you know, it gets pretty quick, pretty fast. The other one's cold. It's subtle.

It's more of a, you give the cold shoulder. But you can be both of those when you're irritable. Maybe you're angry all the time and you're just irritable. You're grumpy. You're touchy. And everyone around you walks on eggshells.

Y'all, we've all known the relative that around Thanksgiving and Christmas time everyone's walking on eggshells around them trying not to say the wrong thing, making sure that they're okay, right? Maybe you're like, no, I don't have any relatives like that. All my relatives are annoying and cheerful. You found him. It's you. Look in the mirror.

But everyone is walking on eggshells around you because you're irritable and you're angry all the time. Maybe it's not irritability. Maybe it's bitterness. It's another category of anger. And this category actually does more destruction to yourself. That you've let grievances and grudges from years past just sit with you.

And like a cancer, bitterness is grown in your soul. And that anger has just eaten away at you. I mean, I've seen families. I've seen friendships. I've seen people that are just bitter. And they're not reconciled to their family or friends.

They've stayed mad for years. And it's just eaten away at their soul. As the proverb says, it causes much transgression. And it stirs up strife. Maybe it's not bitterness. Maybe it's this type of violent anger, violence.

Maybe when you're the type of person you get angry, you get violent. You are going to absolutely inflict pain on those who hurt you. You're going to get even. And that doesn't always have to be with your fist. But you have angry outbursts.

You're harsh, verbally abusive in your speech. It's violent. I remember the first time I slammed a door in our marriage. It was the first year of our marriage. Got an argument, slammed the door. my wife, who is loving and is sensitive. It hurt her.

Not realizing that this kind of violent outbursts, it harms those around you. Hear what the proverb we read earlier says. It is easier to conquer a city. It is much harder to control your anger. If you're the type of person that has violent outbursts, you need to grow in this. Your anger hurts those around you.

Give you one more category of destructive anger. Self-righteous anger. Maybe if this is the type of anger that you swim in, maybe you're the kind of person that loves to say, I told you so. I told you. You should listen to me. And it comes out in this really angry, vindictive speech.

Maybe the kind of person that when you get angry at those who don't follow the rules and you're sniping at those who don't follow the rules. Maybe you're the kind of person that gets angry that people don't dress a certain way, they don't look a certain way. Maybe the kind of person that gets angry when people don't use the same kind of politically correct updated phrasing. Maybe the kind of person that gets mad on Facebook and you troll Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, whatever you use just to get in arguments with people because there's this self-righteousness within you that makes you want to lash out at others.

These are just a few different categories of destructive anger. And the reality is is when you engage in this type of anger that comes from these quick hasty judgments, you hurt people. You hurt those around you. You hurt the people that you love most around you. Destructive anger causes sin, but also the third aspect I want us to see from the Proverbs is that uncontrolled anger spreads. Uncontrolled anger spreads.

Proverbs 22, 24, through 25 says, Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. It says the ways of a wrathful man are both infectious and they're deadly. They ensnare those around them. You set traps for those around you that they might fall into anger with you. A few months back, I saw my son. He's my middle child.

And he got angry and he growled. He went, Arr! And I was like, Man, must have gotten that from his mama. I was like, No. No, that's definitely learned behavior. That kid gets a lot of things honestly from me.

A lot of things honestly. Looks like me, has mannerisms like me, but that was learned behavior because he's seen me do house projects. He's seen me realizing that I'm going to have to go back to Lowe's for a fourth time. He's seen that. I'm just like, Arr! And when I saw it happen, I went, Oh.

Oh, yeah. He picked that up from me. What type of destructive anger are you imparting to your children for those of you that have kids? What kind of patterns are they seeing? Right? This is a classic excuse where it's like, Oh, I grew up in an Italian family.

We're just, Wow, that's what we do. Sure. That's generations of uncontrolled anger. You could just accept that as a reality and impart that to your kid and your kid one day will be an angry, sometimes violent, sometimes abusive, husband, wife, friend, co-worker. Or you can decide to break the cycle and be different. You can decide to impart some wisdom to your child by learning how to control your anger yourself and not impart that to your kids.

It's infectious in so many ways. Maybe you've been in a community group before where someone's just angry about something. And they're angry and then all of a sudden what happens? They stir up more anger, right? Sin begets sin, right? Sin spreads.

It grows. And then all of a sudden someone else is angry about something. And then you just got an angry group. Maybe you're in a household where you have roommates that they're just angry. And what happens? They get angry about something and someone else gets angry and then all of a sudden you have a household that's just cold.

And it's not fun at all. Anger, it just, it spreads amongst us. So uncontrolled anger is foolish. It causes sin. And that sin spreads. We have to absorb that this destructive, uncontrolled anger is dangerous.

It harms us and it harms those around us. And we have to stop. We have to repent. We have to change. But the reality is is that you won't repent.

You won't change until you understand that our sinful, uncontrolled anger, until you understand that in light of the righteous anger of God. The second thing I want us to see this morning is the fulfillment of wrath. We will not fully understand how destructive and how fallen our anger is until we understand it in light of the righteous wrath of God. which I know is a subject matter that is not popular. But the Bible upholds it and for good reason. First off, we need to understand that God is a perfect and righteous judge. Read that passage from Exodus 34 that talks about the character of God?

It continues in verse 7. It says, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty. We have to see this. You have to see the just and patient anger and wrath of God. You have to understand this from the Bible, that God has anger towards injustice. God has anger towards sin.

We are creation and He is the Creator. And as creation, we rebel against Him. We reject His good design for this world. We choose and run after our own sin, our own idolatry, and we shake our fist at God. I mean, if you could create something out of nothing and that creation rebelled against you, hated you, turned its back on you, you would be just in your righteous judgment to bring judgment, to bring wrath. The Bible upholds this very clearly.

And you want this. You don't want a God that turns a blind eye to injustice. You don't want a God that turns a blind eye to the more extreme, which would be genocide. You don't want that. But you don't want a God who turns a blind eye to the husband who beats his wife.

No, we want a God of justice. As Westerners, we don't like this. The rest of the world that experiences injustice on a much more grand scale, as Christians, they long for the justice of God. They wouldn't worship a God who does not bring wrath towards injustice, who does not right every wrong. We have to believe this. You have to fully know this, that in his righteous judgment he brings wrath.

But he's slow to do it. He's slow to anger. We don't understand this because sometimes when we read the Bible you see someone sins against God then God strikes them down. But we don't realize that God is eternal. He sees this coming for thousands of years in advance. And he forbears with us still.

He is slow to anger. We don't understand the scope of how God's wrath works. How long it is. How forbearing it is. We are not God. We are unable to judge like him.

He is a righteous judge. But we also get to see that he is a merciful and gracious judge. And how he overlooks offenses. And that finally makes so much beautiful and perfect sense when you get to the cross. When you get to the cross and you realize that that cross was meant for us. That that judgment was meant for us.

But Jesus absorbs that. He goes to the cross for us. That God takes our place on the cross for our sins and absorbs the wrath that was diverted from us to him. Once you see that you understand he fulfills what Proverbs 19 teaches. Proverbs 19 says good sense makes one slow to anger and it is as glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 10 says hatred stirs up strife but love covers all offenses.

Jesus perfectly fulfills this. The only one that does not deserve judgment. He takes it in our place and by his blood and by his love it covers our offenses. It covers our transgressions. When you understand the cost of what it took with Jesus on the cross in our place. When you understand that we deserve wrath and then when you flip to the end of the story and you get to the book of Revelation and you read that one day Jesus will come back as the righteous judge and he will right every wrong then you can really begin to absorb this.

There's a Croatian theologian. His name is Miroslav Volf. He says this the certainty of God's just judgment at the end of history is the presupposition for the renunciation of violence in the middle of it. That's pretty jam-packed as a phrase. But what he's getting at is that the certainty that one day Jesus will come back and he will judge all things.

That forms the basis by which we who are in the middle of the story respond. That we don't have to result to violence in the middle of the story because one day Jesus comes back and he's going to judge all things. Once you firmly believe that that Jesus will come back and he will judge all things that we in our anger don't have to sin. We don't have to be the ones who judge others. We don't have to bring this hasty judgment. We can rest in the fact that one day the judge will come back and he will right every wrong.

That is a comfort to those who are hurting. That our judge will come back and when you firmly believe this it is then that you can actually not just control your anger but you can show mercy and you can show forgiveness. So you have to understand the fulfillment of wrath. You have to understand that we deserve wrath that God has wrath towards injustice towards sin. You have to understand that Jesus died in our place on the cross and that one day he is going to come back and wrath will be fulfilled when all things are made new. Once you understand that then you can begin to get practical and learn how to rule your anger.

And that is the last thing I want us to see today. To learn how to practically rule our anger. Proverbs 16.32 says whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. That's the ideal. That we would be slow to anger having all that theological back where we just went through. Having that in the back of your mind.

We'd be slow to anger and in our anger that we would be slow and that we would rule ultimately our spirit. That's the ideal. That you would rule that you would control your spirit your anger. Now how do you practically do that? I have a very practical first step to physically slow yourself down. There's a lot of physiological things that are happening when you get angry.

One of the things I've taught before I think I've taught on a Sunday I know I teach this in counseling is the idea of breathing. Alright? Of deep breathing. When the physical anger is starting to rise within you you need to learn how to slow yourself down. How to practically calm yourself down. Because all that theology, all the philosophy, all the things you have in the back of your mind is going to be really hard when you get worked up and your adrenaline spikes.

So I teach people when they're getting worked up to put their hand on their diaphragm right here and to learn to slowly deep breathe. What happens when you do that is it slows your pulse down which was spiked from adrenaline. It floods your brain with oxygen which helps you be a more sound judge. It makes you be more rational. To actually slow yourself down that is an easy first step to rule your spirit. You've got to understand the physical nature of what happens when you get angry and then slow yourself down.

After you've slowed yourself down I have some questions for you to think through. Now these questions are best in the moment. It's best to think about these when you're slow to anger not after you've gotten angry and done something that's foolish. But if you're like me and you step into trouble and you've acted foolishly in your anger you can do an anger autopsy after the fact. It's important and I'm dead serious to actually think through why is it that I got so angry. So I have some questions and this is important.

There are times when I'm angry and my wife and I get in some type of argument and she's like why are you so mad? And I'm like I don't know but I need some time to figure this out and I'll get back to you. And she does. She's loving it. She gives me the space. It's helpful to have space to be able to figure this out.

So I have some questions for you to think through. And I'm going to give you a case study for how to think through this. I found one very easily this week on Tuesday when I was taking my oldest to school. So my oldest has been late, I don't know, like five times the last two weeks of school. For various reasons she's been late. And I was like no, we're finishing up the school year, she's not going to be late.

And all of a sudden on Tuesday one thing led to another. We got out the house and we were late. And on the way to driving her to school, I'm just gripping the steering wheel and I'm mad, I'm flying down the road in a Prius y'all, just all the way down Highway 1. I'm like why, and then I was like why am I so mad about this? Why am I so angry? So I didn't, I obviously didn't win the battle beforehand, had to do an angry autopsy afterwards.

So here are three questions I had to work through this week for when you get angry or after the fact that you need to process. All right, first question. When you got upset, what did you want? What did you want? Why does the thing that you're angry about matter so much? What did you want?

I had to ask myself that this week. So I'm thinking about why did I get so angry because we're late to school. A few different reasons popped up. It's like well I'm a scheduled person. I'm a routine person. I like things to go in, you know, I like things to be in order.

This is out of order. It's frustrating. And it's like also I don't want to get an email from her teacher this week about her being late to school. And I was like okay, that's why I'm upset. All right, second question.

What are you afraid of? You're building off these questions together. What are you afraid of? And it's like ugh, I don't know. I don't like my schedule to be off kilter. That's a thing.

I also, I really don't like the shame of someone saying hey, you're parenting bad. Get your kid to school on time. You know? I don't like the eyes of someone who's like oh yeah, your child's in here for the fifth time in two weeks. Right? I was like okay, that's what I'm afraid of.

All right. Third question. What does that reveal about where your hope is? That is the big one. That's going to get the sin beneath the sin. And it's like okay, what does that reveal about where my hope is?

What do I truly want? What's going on underneath the surface? And I was like oh, okay. I know myself. I know I have control idolatry. It's a deep idol for me.

I know I have approval idolatry. That's also a deep idol for me. So part of this is I'm controlling and I like to have my schedule work out. And when things get out of whack, it's not going well for me. But that's part of the reason.

Here's the core reason. I have some approval idolatry. And I ultimately want to be a parent that has a child who shows up on time. I grew up all the time and was late to everything. I want to be different. I want to be able to present my child as we're a responsible family.

I'm a responsible parent. Approve of me. And ultimately, it's not about her at all. It's not about being on time at all. Ultimately, it's about me. And once you get to the sin beneath the sin, you've worked through these questions, you can start to understand why you are angry.

It is best to stop in the moment, slow yourself down, to do some deep breathing, and to pause in the moment and figure it out. But at the fact, you need to be able to ask these questions. When you've understood, understood, when you've understood how our sin works, and how we are just bad Judges, and how we're quick to this uncontrolled anger, when you've examined the hidden motives underneath the surface, you've done the tough work, with the backdrop of the fulfillment of wrath and what we know about God, and how our unrighteous, uncontrolled wrath looks in light of the wrath of God. When you do the tough, soul work of working through this, it is then that you can begin to believe the gospel.

It is then you can apply the gospel to yourself, it is when you can apply it to others, it is then you can be the kind of person that the Proverbs describes you. You can be one who is mightier than those who conquer cities. You can do the most difficult thing and rule your spirit. You can be the kind of person that your friends need, who's not flying off the handle, who's not cold and bitter. You can be the kind of person that your roommates need, you can be the kind of person that your wife and kids need, that your husband and children need. You can be the kind of person that rules his or her spirit because you've done the tough work, you've learned to be a self-controlled man or woman, and you've sought to honor God and the way that you go about life, not being hasty to judge, not being quick to be angry, but being a self-controlled man or woman that honors God and the way that you live your life, for the glory of God and for the good of others.

Wisdom and Words

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Coincidentally, when the talent started to run out, it didn't go so well.

The tearing down, the consistently eating at us, it didn't build us up as a team. And when the talent kind of finally ran dry, things began to fell apart. You had to see kind of two different philosophies on how you talk to players and how you speak. And they were very different. The Proverbs has lots to say on this type of speech. On speech that builds up and speech that tears down.

Proverbs 8, 2 and 21 says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruits. So the idea is, is that our speech is powerful in a way that can bring death. It can tear down or a way that builds up, that brings life. And this makes sense in light of the God who created us. Like God could have made the earth in any way, in any form or fashion.

But he chooses to speak the world into existence. To speak the universe into existence. And we're made in the image of that God. And we, unlike any other aspect of creation, bear his image in this way. That speech is powerful in a way that it can build up and tear down. When you think of people who have given speeches in the past.

You think of Martin Luther King who gave speeches that helped a nation begin to repent of its racism. There was power in his words and his message. And then you look at someone like Adolf Hitler. Who was also gifted in speaking but used his for destruction. To inspire and encourage a nation to indulge in its racism. Like speech is powerful.

Words are powerful. And the tongue is very powerful. It shapes ideas. It shapes cultures. It shapes families. It shapes individuals.

So, if speech is this powerful. If words are this important. How foolish are we to think that the way that we communicate in everyday life doesn't have consequences. How foolish are we to think that the way we talk to our spouse. Or to people in our group. Or to co-workers.

That it's not a big deal. That it doesn't matter. Speech absolutely matters. The way you use your tongue. The way that you speak. Matters a lot.

And when you look at Proverbs it says those who understand this will eat of its fruit. If you understand this. You will have a life that goes better for you. Because you'll be the kind of person that builds up as opposed to tears down. That is what we're going to look at today. How the Proverbs counsel us as a people.

In how we speech. My hope is. Is that as we sit under this this morning. That we would be corrected. That we would see the power. Of power of speech that builds up.

But often times the Proverbs spends a whole lot more time on the dangers of destructive speech. And that we'd see that in our own hearts. And we'd respond together collectively as a church. In seeking to grow as people of God. Who understand the power of speech in words. And would speak wisely.

That's the hope. So. Let me pray for us. And then we will dive into the scriptures. Lord we love you. And we thank you.

That we get to come together to. Sit under the authority of your word. That we get to be molded and shaped into your image. And this morning as we look at the wisdom of words. My hope is that we would be corrected. My hope is that we'd be inspired to use.

Speech for the glory of God and the good of others. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Alright so. We're first going to look at words that build up. Building words.

There's a couple of Proverbs I want us to look at. That capture this. The first is Proverbs 10. 11. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. But the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

I want to focus on that first part. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. Alright. So in this context. It's written. These Proverbs are written in the Middle Eastern context.

Right. So Middle Eastern context has not as much water. So if you're in the desert. And you stumble upon a well. That means life. Life.

Water means life. We take it for granted. Because you can just go to a faucet. But in their time. It was hard to find wells. It was hard to find good water.

And if you found one. It meant life to you. It refreshed you. That's the picture here. Like in an arid desert. You find water.

In a culture that's so toxic and negative in how we talk to one another. That you would stand out as a fountain that gave life to one another. That's the picture here. That's what the Proverbs is calling us to. Is to be a person who's righteous. Who is like a fountain of life.

Every year. The four elders. We pastors. We have an elder retreat. Where we get away. It's a time for us to regroup.

To break away from the normal schedule of what we do. And to pray. And to plan. And to strategize. And to also. To fellowship.

And to encourage one another. We throughout the year. We've gotten better at this over the years. But we really just kind of get our jobs done. Our areas of oversight. We just.

We make sure that we're doing it. And we don't. We're not overly positive encouraging to one another. It just. So we have to schedule that.

We have to make sure that once a year. We've got to end the schedule. We're actually going to encourage one another. So every year at elder retreat. We have a time where we actually do some competitive encouragement. We think about it ahead of time.

We encourage what we see. How Jesus has been working in one another. And it's. Every year we're just reminded. Man. That's really good.

We really knew that. All the sarcasm. Cutting jokes all year. Kind of. Started to weigh you down. It's good to actually say something positive.

And mean it. We love that. And it's. And it's timely. Bruce Waltke has some commentary on this. He says.

The right word. Spoken at the right time. In the right way. Supports or corrects a community. In a way that promotes life. Timely words.

Spoken in the right way. In the right manner. They bring life. Wouldn't you like to be the kind of person. That when you die. And people are remembering you at your funeral.

That they would think. Man. That person. They were like a fountain of life. When they. When you were around them.

They. They. They. They gave life to you. The way they spoke. Was just so.

Encouraging. That's the picture. That the Proverbs holds out. Proverbs. 10. 21.

Says. The lips. Of the righteous. Feed many. But fools die.

For lack of sense. So I'm going to focus on the first half. Of this proverb. You're going to see that the. The way that this is spoken of. Is the mouth.

The tongue. The lips. The idea is that you use this. Use this organ. That the God. That God has given you.

For the glory of. Him. And for the good of others. And here it says. The lips. Of the righteous.

Feed many. Now the word for feed there. Is. Is the language. Of shepherds. Feeding sheep.

It's. It's that word. So the idea here. Is that. Someone who is righteous. In their speech.

Would be like a shepherd. Who feeds sheep. That you'd have shepherd type. Lips. That it would. Feed.

Those around you. Would build those up. Around you. At the church. I was at previously. One of our pastors.

He had this gift. He had shepherd type lips. This. I mean he. When he spoke. He absolutely.

You just felt loved. You felt cared for. Part of it was because he had a voice. That was like a radio voice. And it just sounded very nice. But the other part of it was.

Because he genuinely cared. And it just. It built you up. That. That. We should want that.

We should want to be the kind of person. That builds up those around you. So. Like I said. The Proverbs has a few places. That speaks positively.

About the. About how words can build others up. It has a lot more to say. About destructive words. And for the bulk of our time. We're going to look at.

Different categories. Of destructive words. And I think this is very timely. And important for us. Because as a culture. Even.

Even. As American Christians. We don't tend to think about. Destructive words. As being. One of.

The most divisive. And one of the ways. To actually destroy. Yourself. And one another. We don't.

We don't. We don't pedestal this. As one of the. Worst subsets of sins. We'll think about sexual sin. And how destructive that is.

And we'll go hard after that. But we don't think about. The destructive nature of words. And how. How easily. It divides.

Whole churches. That how often. Gossip. And slandering. And whispering. And.

And what we're about to walk through. How often that divides. Whole communities of Christians. Divides community groups. It is. Very important.

That we understand. The power of words. And how destructive. They can be. It only takes two people. To divide a church.

One to speak. And someone else. To let them speak. So. I mean. It's.

It's. It's true. Like. We need to be mindful of this. So. I want to walk through.

The Proverbs has. A lot of different things to say. So. As I was walking through the Proverbs. There are three broad categories. Of destructive speech.

That I want. Us to look at. This morning. And I want you to think of this. As kind of the ship of fools. Alright.

Three different types of fools. If pirates helps you. That's fine. But just. This is the ship of fools. It's the babbler.

It is the hammer. And it is the whisper. Alright. The babbler. The hammer. The whisper.

Three different types. Of destructive speech. That we're going to walk through. And see from the Proverbs. So we're going to tackle first.

The babbler. The one who speaks. Way too much. Alright. So listen.

I don't talk about politics. Broadly with people. I'm a pastor. I talk about faith. That is divisive enough. For some people.

So I don't like to talk about it. But if you do want to have a private conversation. Get me started on something. Get me started on free speech. Because I think free speech is amazing. It's an amazing western American value.

It's the bedrock of our society. In so many ways. And as much as I love American free speech. What I've realized in reading the Proverbs this week. Is that as Christians. We are called to limit our speech.

We don't have the freedom to say anything that we would like. In fact. The Proverbs instructs us and pushes us on. No. You should be someone who restricts your speech. That minds your tongue.

And in steps. The babbler. The one who speaks far too often. And far too much. And there are multiple Proverbs. That go after this.

Look at Proverbs 21. 23. It says. Whoever keeps his mouth. And his tongue. Keeps himself out of trouble.

Fairly self-explanatory. If you mind your tongue. It will keep yourself out of trouble. There was a few years back. My wife and I. We bought a house.

When we moved back here. And. So I'm meeting. Talking with a neighbor one day. And across the fence. Having our fence conversation.

And I was like. Yeah. I'm so excited. We got this house. I couldn't believe we got it. For the price that we got it at.

I couldn't believe that the. The real estate agent. Let those pictures. Stay online. I mean. It did not do this house justice at all.

What were they thinking? Man. I'm really glad we got this house. Fast forward a few years. Exact same spot. This is where we talk at the fence.

And. He's like. Yeah. I'm getting ready to sell my house. I said. That's awesome.

And I. I don't practice real estate as much anymore. I'm transitioning out of real estate. Into being full time here. My wife's taking over. But.

Back then. I was doing a lot more real estate. And I said. Oh man. So. My ears perked up.

I'm like. Pick up a client here. This should be good. He said. Yeah. I'm going to price it on how I priced your house.

And I went. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh no. Oh no.

And my face turned beet red. I was like. I. Insulted this guy to his face. And he saw it. He looked at me in the face.

And I. He said. Yep. I said. I am so. Sorry.

I am such an idiot. I was like. I insult you to your face. He said. Yeah. I made my broker.

Had a good laugh about that. He said. I tried to convince my clients. To not keep those pictures. She was dead set. I'm keeping them.

But. You're going to see a lot of examples today. Are me. Because I. I get myself into trouble a lot. In how I speech.

I speak. But man. I just. I. Talk too much. You get to talk.

Get to talk. Get to talk. I'm not mindful of your tongue. It gets yourself into trouble. Proverbs 13. 3 says.

Whoever guards his mouth. Preserves his life. He who opens his. Opens wide his lips. Comes to ruin. There's a saying in the British military.

And also in the American military. Back in World War 2. And it was. Loose lips sink ships. The idea was. If you spoke too much.

If you babbled. A spy might hear you. And it might cost lives. If you. Do not guard your mouth. You do not preserve your life.

Think about the. The musical Hamilton. And even Alexander Hamilton. Historically. Was an individual. Who was a babbler.

He. Spoke. Way too much. He. Wrote. Way too much.

He got himself into trouble. A lot. Because he made far too many enemies. Because he could not restrain his tongue. And when you listen to the musical. What's funny is.

Is that's kind of upheld as. Ha ha. You know. Look at Alexander Hamilton. Look at this guy. He talks a lot.

But man. Look at all the good stuff he did. And then Aaron Burr. The one who eventually kills him. Because he ran his mouth off too much. He's upheld as.

Kind of a snake. Which he is. But the. The. The tagline that comes from. That is applied to him.

Is he says. Talk less. Smile more. And. And. And.

And they're pitted against one another. Now. There's a political element of that. That he is a snake. But what's funny is.

Is when you look at the Proverbs. And how it speaks about talking too much. It kind of sides with Aaron Burr. It. It does. It.

You. Should talk less. It does get you into trouble. And. So. And.

And. And. And. And. And. And.

And. it would have gone well for you. This is what happens as we get to talking and ruin comes upon us. I'll give you two Proverbs back to back. The heart of Proverbs 15, 28. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Similar Proverbs 29, 20 says, Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?

There's more hope for a fool than for him. And both of those illustrate the same thing. If you are in a hurry to speak, and you do not consider your words, if you do not ponder how to answer, it will not go well for you. You know why? Because wickedness will pour from your mouth. James 1, 19 captures this.

It says, Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The idea is that you would be slow to speak. Because if you don't, there are things that could come out of you that will reveal your heart. Part of believing this and applying this proverb is believing that our hearts are deceitful. That our hearts are stained with sin and wickedness. Jesus taught this in Matthew 15.

He said, From out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. The reality is, is that we have deceitful, sinful hearts. Why wouldn't we seek to be mindful of how we speak? If the mouth is so connected to the heart, why wouldn't we be mindful to restrain how we speak in a way that sin would not come forth and harm others? That's what Proverbs is getting at. Proverbs 18, 6-7 says, A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. So two things were true before I became a Christian when I was 17. One, I was like five feet tall. I did not hit my growth spurt until I was 17. And the second thing was true is I loved to talk some smack. I, oh man.

And I don't ever do that anymore. But I did a lot of that back then. And, you know, in my heart, I was like, I can take anybody. I can back this up. But in my mind, I was like, nah, I'm going to need some backup.

So I made sure when I talked smack that some of my friends who were bigger, some of my friends who knew some karate, were with me. Because I knew if I talked too much and it got real, I'm going to need some backup. It may not go well for me. The Proverbs would have counseled my friends to ditch me because I was a fool. But they didn't.

So they stuck with me. And sometimes things got a little heated. That's the physical picture here. If you run your mouth, it can get you in the physical trouble. The reality is that most of you are not going to get into physical altercations because of your mouth. But you will take an emotional beating.

Right? Keep talking. Keep arguing with your wife. Keep arguing with your husband. Another dig. Another comment.

I'm going to win this argument. How is winning an argument in marriage ever gone? Right? It doesn't bode well for you. It invites hurt. You can get in an argument with your roommates.

And you keep arguing. You keep arguing. You keep arguing. You keep getting the last word. You won't stop talking. And it makes what?

It makes the house miserable for you and for everyone else who lives there. You have to be mindful of how we speak. All right. That is some of the Proverbs and how it speaks about the babblers. So, what is the blunt counsel? Because the Proverbs, I don't know if you've noticed this far, is fairly blunt.

What is the Proverbs and how does it counsel us as those who might be babblers? It's fairly simple. Shut your mouth. It is fairly straightforward. Restrain your tongue. Talk less.

You know the old teaching that you've got two ears and one mouth? Listen twice as much as you talk. It's true. Listen more. Talk less. Yes.

You absolutely should do that. Francis Schaeffer, the Christian apologist and philosopher, he said, if I have an hour with somebody to counsel them, I'm going to listen for 55 minutes and then I'm going to talk for five. Because if you let someone talk, they will reveal themselves and then you'll be able to give wise counsel. Talk less. That also means, Christians, that means post less. Man alive.

On Instagram, on Facebook, on Snapchat, or Twitter, or whatever it is that you do. Post less. I know some folks like to post a lot. I'm not saying posting a lot in and of itself is bad. But for some people, Facebook, Instagram, whatever you use, it's like a cathartic experience.

It's like a cleansing experience for you to be able to work out your emotions in front of people, work out your soul in public. I'm not saying vulnerability is always a bad thing. I am saying that you are running the danger of being a babbler. Of being foolish by posting way too much. We need to be mindful. If you claim to be a Christian, you represent Christ.

You're an ambassador of the Lord Jesus. Does your Facebook reflect that? Does your Twitter, does your online presence reflect that? Alright, that is the babbler. The next destructive category of speech is the hammer. This is the one who is blunt, who is harsh, who brings the hammer down on those around them with their words.

Alright, so let's look at the hammer. Proverbs 51. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Anger. Alright. Being considerate in your words is important.

And how you speak matters. It matters immensely. In surgery, you would prefer that your surgeon operates with a scalpel and not a hunting knife. Both will cut you open. One is going to be more precise. The other is going to cause far more damage than you'd like.

You're called to be precise in your speech. You're called to be mindful and considerate of how you talk. And the manner in which you talk. A soft answer turns away wrath. If you come in guns blazing on those around you, it doesn't usually work. Right?

Let's just say you've got someone in your group and they come to you and they say, oh man, I just... I'll be honest guys, I fell. I looked at pornography again this week and I just... I've been stressed at work and I just... I was on my phone late at night and just one thing led to another. And if you just came in and said, no!

No! You need to stop looking at pornography. Have you read Matthew? Put it to death. Pluck out your eye. Cut off your hand.

What are you doing? I'm sick and tired of you coming here every week confessing the same sin. Give me your phone. Does that go well? Right? You feel assaulted just by that, right?

Someone comes in and says, I'm struggling with anxiety and I've just been... This week has been so hard and I just... I can't sleep and I just... I can't... My mind is racing all the time and you just said, no! That's enough.

Just believe the gospel. Can't you trust in Jesus? Are you running to control idolatry? No! What are you doing? Give me your phone!

Which, I don't know why the hammer brings the phone every time. But... But it's like that doesn't help, y'all. A soft answer turns away wrath. It's to be mindful. Your tone matters.

How you speak, it matters. Proverbs 12, 18 says, There's one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Rash words are words that are spoken without consideration. They're rash. They're spoken very quickly. Ray Ortlund, a pastor in Tennessee, says, words do not even have to be intentional to be deadly.

They can be careless. Your careless words can cause pain to others. Your rash words when they're not spoken with consideration and care, when you're not mindful of this, it hurts. I mean, words are cutting. I mean, in a positive way, the word of God is compared to a sword, right? Hebrews 4, 12, the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword.

Right? Piercing division of soul and spirit of bone and mirror. In Revelation, the sword that comes out of Jesus' mouth, it's the word of God. It's sharp. It's cutting. But it's done it precisely.

But a lot of times we wield it like a shiv. And it's just, our words, we're just rash and we're just absolutely maiming each other by how we speak. I mean, that is online, right? It's just one shiv after the next. No, we need to be mindful of how we speak. When I was in college, one of my buddies, we were at an FCA meeting and the guy who was teaching, to call it a train wreck, was polite.

It was the worst teaching I'd ever heard. He basically was doing, he was doing therapy in front of everybody and it was a mess. And my buddy just stood up and just started correcting him in the middle of his teaching. And I just was like, I don't know if that's the best play. I still don't know if that's the best play. But I got a hold of him afterwards and I came down so hard on him.

I was so harsh. And I had another friend who was sitting there watching it. And I just was, man, I just went hard after him. And my buddy took me aside later and said, dude, that's too much. And he was capturing this right here. It was rash.

It wasn't considerate. The tone was off. Sometimes we bring the hammer down and we'll excuse it as that's just the way I am. I'm blunt. I'm just being honest. I'm just being real.

And it's like, no, you're just being foolish. You're wielding a hammer as opposed to being mindful in the way that you speak. If you want a proverb on this, Proverbs 29, 11 says, a fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds back. So, this is incredibly important for us to believe. Because in our culture, venting is socially acceptable. And it's not even socially acceptable.

It's encouraged. Therapists will encourage people to vent. And it's like, no. No, a fool gives full vent to his spirit. Right? Like, for you to just go off and talk to somebody and say, I need to vent.

I just need a few minutes. And you absolutely just unload on somebody. That's foolishness. And that's sin, you guys. You know how you're supposed to vent? To the Lord.

Read the Proverbs. The Psalms. The Psalms, over and over again, is this venting to the Lord. It's David working out his emotions. The Psalmist working out their fears and their anxieties. You need to first, when you are upset, go to the Lord in prayer.

Humble yourself before the Lord. And pour out your heart to them. And if you need counsel from somebody else, and as a person who is an external processor, external processors are people that process their thoughts out loud with somebody else. You give me a whiteboard and a couple of people and I can start to really work out my thoughts. I get it. Sometimes you won't counsel.

But I would encourage you to actually go to the Lord first and then with restraint and with self-control, which is what's being conveyed here, then you can seek counsel. But even before that, after you've gotten the Lord, and I really skipped a step, after you've actually talked to the person who's harmed you, who's hurt you. And if you need counsel, bring somebody in. But man, this idea that we can just vent our emotions, vent our... The Bible does not support them. It is not on board with that.

All right, so... What is the very blunt counsel to those who embody the hammer? It is to be mindful and considerate of your words. It is to act like a... To speak like a surgeon. It is to be precise.

It is to be considerate. It is to be mindful. As Galatians 6.1 teaches, it is to be kind and gentle. Galatians 6.1 says, Brothers, if any of you is caught in transgression, you who are spiritual should restore them in a spirit of gentleness. The idea is that you would be gentle and kind in your speech. Not someone who is consistently harming those around them and excusing it because, well, it's just the way I am.

No. That's foolishness. That's the hammer. All right. Last category of destructive speech is the whisperer. The whisperer.

Vince Foster was the deputy White House counsel for the first six months of the Clinton administration. And then he committed suicide. And in his resignation slash suicide letter, he said, Here, talking about D.C., Here, ruining people is considered sport. That's D.C. Right? I mean, it is an evil and wicked place when it comes to speech.

Slander. Gossip. Whispering. People seem to enjoy tearing others apart in that town. But that's not the only place.

No. I mean, you just got to be in middle school and live life after middle school to know that the whisperer, this kind of destructive speech, this category, runs throughout the rest of your life. Proverbs 16, 27 to 28. This is a worthless man plots evil and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. There are those who are bent on destroying others with their tongues.

Right? It's like a spark that lights a forest fire. That's here, but it's also in James 3. That the way you speak can cause massive amounts of damage. It says that a dishonest man spreads strife, which we'll talk about integrity in the Proverbs at a later date, but that is a major category of harmful speech. We'll cover that later.

But it spreads hurt and pain and a whisperer separates close friends. And the picture of a whisperer, it's pretty, if you just even picture it, it's easy to see, right? If you've ever been at a coffee shop where two people are talking very loudly, they're just catching up, and then all of a sudden they get real quiet and they just start whispering. They say, well, so and so, I heard they did this. Oh, you won't believe what I heard. It's the literal picture of those who would whisper, those who would gossip, those who would slander those around them.

That's the picture that's happening here. Proverbs 17, 9, says whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. You hurt others when you repeat matters that you've heard, when you gossip, or when someone even hurts you, and you're not willing to go and talk to them first. You're not willing to let love cover a multitude of offenses. And you repeat the matter to someone else, and it gets repeated to someone else. It can divide friendships.

Y'all, it takes years to build friendships. Really solid friendships. It takes years of trust to build friendships. It only takes a few sentences to undermine all of it. You need to be mindful of this, of how whispering tears people apart. A few years ago, when I was representing some clients in real estate, and I don't make all kinds of mistakes in real estate, but I've made a few.

And I was representing some clients a while back. They were not the most fun people to represent. And they were really frustrated me. And I reached out to my mom, who was my partner at the time, and I was just like, goodness gracious, these people are driving me nuts. And I sent it. And I went back and looked at my phone, and I texted them.

A fool gets what he deserves. If you've got a problem with them, talk to them first. Don't talk about them. Man, man, and we ended up finding them a house that ain't repeat clients. I don't blame them. Because that's foolishness.

If you're the kind of person that's always checking your text message, make sure you don't text the wrong person. If that's you, you might be someone who whispers. You might fall into this category. The words, Proverbs 18, 8, the words of a whisper are like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body. There's an episode of The Office, which is a comedy TV show.

We use him a lot, Michael Scott, the boss from The Office, because he is a fool. He's the embodiment of it. So he shows up a lot, especially in the Proverbs. You'll probably see him again. But there's this episode in The Office.

It's called The Gossip Episode. And Michael Scott is mad because he isn't in on The Office gossip. He finds the last one to find out about somebody having a relationship. And he's mad about it. But then he stumbles upon some gossip.

He finds out one of his employees is having an affair. And it's painful. And some of y'all know this. It's cringeworthy to watch sometimes. Because he jumps from cubicle to cubicle, all excited, skipping around, spreading this gossip. And you're watching, cringing, because it's like, what a fool!

He's about to absolutely upend this guy's life, which he does. And you watch that, and you're like, how foolish is that? And yet we do this. We like to be a part of the inside discussion. We like to hear things by other people. The entire industry is built on gossip.

You know why? Because we consume it. We like it. It goes down like delicious morsels, but it goes into the inner parts of our body and it corrupts us to our core. Gossip, whispering, it destroys us and others. Proverbs 25, 9-10 says, Argue your case with your neighbor himself and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you and your ill repute have no end.

Talking about others and not to them. It destroys relationships. And ultimately, when it gets back around to you, you look like a fool. So it's pretty self-explanatory. Don't talk about others. Go and talk to them.

Otherwise, you run the risk of bringing shame upon yourself and wrecking others. I'm going to give you another proverb. Proverbs 26, 20-21. For lack of wood, the fire goes out. And where there is no whisper, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

I've been a part of churches and ministries long enough to know that for the person that is a whisper, for the person that loves drama, for the person that stirs up things, when they finally leave or when they are removed, quarreling ceases. Fighting ceases. It's terrible. You ever been whispered about? You ever felt that? It makes you question reality.

It makes you question who you can trust. It's painful. It's very divisive and it's very harmful. And the Proverbs is very harsh in its language towards it. As it should be. So, what is the blunt counsel for the whisperer?

I want to take a moment and I want to read from our membership commitment. We have 14 different membership commitments. When you commit to be a member of our church, this is one of them. I expect relational difficulty as I seek genuine relationships with other sinners saved by grace. And we tell people, listen, you are about to commit to life together with a church family full of sinners. You're going to get harmed.

If you're going to be a part of a group, you're going to get sinned against. I tell people all the time, I'm going to sin against you. It's going to happen. Expect relational conflict. Expect it. Expect difficulty.

It's going to happen. But, but we'll actively fight against gossip, drama, bitterness, and relational weirdness. That is our catch-all category for it. I mean, you know it when you see it. You know it when you feel it. When there's relational weirdness between you and somebody else and you're kind of not talking and it's awkward around, we actively combat against this.

And it says, I will work towards reconciliation in all conflict, seeking always to live at peace with others and the Middle City Church family. We take this very seriously in our church because harmful speech like this hurts people. Y'all, entire churches, you've heard stories. If you've been around churches, you know it. They, they, they divide all the time. Baptist churches are very well known for it.

Someone says, like mitosis, man, they divide and ultimately they end up growing stronger later on. But it's so painful to watch. Dividing over the color of the carpet. Dividing over two families that fought. Dividing over two people that went head to head and ultimately there's factions that joined in because there was whispering, because there was gossip, because there was slandering. The scripture has forceful language against this and so do we.

We don't want our church, we don't want our groups to ever be a safe place for this type of destructive speech. We don't leave any room for it. We don't want it. Someone in your group says to you, I probably shouldn't share this with you. You need to say, then don't. Don't.

If you feel like it's gossip, if you're going to slander somebody, then don't. One of the things that we say regularly is when somebody gets hurt or somebody, someone says something that hurt them and they come to us and they talk to us, our go-to phrase is, okay, well, what do they say when you talk to them? The expectation is that you've already talked to them and if you haven't, we want you to go and talk to them first, not about them, talk to them. Have you ever been in a, hopefully not in a group, but I know it does happen, in a group or in your office or whatever and all of a sudden everyone's piling on somebody else?

Man, that Mike guy is the worst. Mike is so obnoxious. He's so annoying. Mike this, Mike that. We want you to be the person that says, you know what I actually like, Mike? This is what I actually appreciate about him.

You do that, you'll make it awkward immediately because you'll say this is not a safe place to be able to talk about somebody else like this. And I don't ever want our groups to be a place where you would talk about somebody else in your church family in a way that would be harmful and hateful and cruel and mean. No, we want to be those who build one another up, not those who tear each other apart. It takes two people to split a church. One to talk one to let them talk. And I'll just give one more piece of counsel on this as it specifically applies to online.

We have to be Christians. We have to be more discerning. We cannot be the kind of Christians that engage in this type of whispering online, this type of destructive speech online, this type of slandering online. When you share a false story online, there is somebody else on the other end of that. We feel like we are so disconnected online that it doesn't really matter what you post. It does.

People have committed suicide because they have been slandered online and everyone mounts on them and shames on them. And then the words you share online, the way you post online, the things you share online, it matters. We of all people should understand that because the Proverbs teaches about it. We of all people should understand that we are called to be salt and light in a culture that is so jacked up in darkness when it comes to how people speak. We should stand out and we should be different. Alright, so, that's a whole lot.

And I understand that's a lot. I understand that's a whole lot of difficult Proverbs, a whole lot of difficult teaching to receive. And it's very corrective. I want to give you one more difficult Proverbs that makes this even harder. Proverbs 10, 18 says, The one who conceals hatred has lying lips and whoever utters slander is a fool. And when you read that, you go, Wait, what?

It says, Whoever conceals hatred has lying lips. It's like, Wait, you mean if you concealed the hatred in your heart, if you concealed how mad you are at somebody, you're a hypocrite? But then if you go and talk about it, you're a slander, you're a fool? That's a catch, that's a no-win situation. What are you talking about? How does that even work?

What are you supposed to do with that? And when you finally come to that conclusion, you understand how hard this is. And ultimately, you understand that wisdom in and of itself is not enough. That wisdom, while good, and wisdom, while we want you to pursue it wholeheartedly, and the way that you speak, it is not enough. Because ultimately, your tongue is not the problem. It is your heart.

It's our hearts. That's ultimately what is wrong here. That's what Jesus captured when he taught in Matthew 15, which we read earlier. It's what he says in Luke 6, 45, out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. That our hearts are connected to our mouths. And the problem, ultimately, is our hearts.

And you can apply all the wisdom strategies in the world. You can go and write these down. You can tattoo, babbler, hammer, whisper, and say, I'm not going to be these things. You can try to remind yourself not to do this, and there will be moments of weakness where you're tired, where you're weary, where you stumble, where you say something to your kids that causes harm for years, where you say something to a friend that changes the very makeup of your friendship, where you hurt somebody in your group in a way that makes them not want to come back. The reality is is that it's not the tongue and it's not the striving for wisdom that ultimately is going to save us from this, save us from destruction.

We need more than wise counsel. We need a cure. And that cure is Christ. We need wholeheartedly to believe in the gospel, to believe that the finished work of Jesus, that His blood was shed for us, that He conquered death in the grave, so that we wouldn't become people who have better strategies for wisdom, so that we'd be people that have our hearts exchanged for new hearts. As Ezekiel 36 says, that we have a heart of stone that we'd be exchanged for a heart of flesh. The reality is is that some of you have spent your entire lives speaking destructively, harming those around you.

And you can try to take these to heart, and you can try to apply these all the more, but some of you have never trusted in the finished work of Christ. And if you try to do this, it's just a bunch of good works that you try to follow that you have no shot at actually accomplishing, because you've never trusted in the finished work of Christ on your behalf. You've never believed Jesus died in your place. You've never admitted your sin, that you are destructive in the way that you speak, and that you need a Savior to die in your place. You need the one who spoke perfectly. You need His righteousness and not your own.

And my hope this morning is that some of you would trust in Christ, and that you would have a heart of flesh. Some of you have hardened your hearts. You're following Jesus, but when you look at these categories, I mean, if you're honest, it's like, I'm a babbler. I talk way too much, and I hurt others all the time because I talk way too much. Some of you are hammers. I mean, you've excused it your entire lives.

It's just me. It's just my personality. And you cause blunt force trauma to everyone around you because you don't consider your words, and it hurts people. Sticks and stones may break my bones is a lie. That is such a farce that you've brought the hammer on others in how you speak. Some of you have engaged in whispers and are whispers, and you're consistently sharing things you should not share and dividing community groups and dividing people, and you've hardened your heart because you're like, it's not that big of a deal, and I want to plead with you from the Scriptures.

It absolutely is. It is rotting your soul, and it's harming those around you. My hope is that we would respond in repentance. We need the heart of our Savior. We need our hearts to be cured. And my hope is is that in our repentance with changed hearts, we would be master builders of those around us.

Like, who wants that? Who wants that picture to be someone who builds those up around them? Who wants to be the kind of person that's like a surgeon that heals those around them? That's like a fountain of life in this arid, toxic desert that is our culture. How many of us want changed hearts, that we want to strive for this, that we would grow daily into the image of Christ, conforming to His image in the way that we speak, that we might build others up and repent of tearing those around us down? That's the hope that the Proverbs gives us.

That's the hope that the Gospel gives us. And my hope is that we respond in faith and repentance today. The band is going to come up, and I want us to sit in that for a moment. I want us to be honest with ourselves. I want you to think about how you speak to your spouse, how you speak to your roommates, how you talk to people at your work, how you talk to people in your group. I want you to think about what you post online.

I want you to think about all the areas of your life where your speech and the ways that you communicate have harmed others. And then as you think about this and the destructive nature of your tongue, I want you to quickly run to the cross. And I want you to see that the finished work of our Savior on the cross was for your sin, it was for your rebellion, it was for your corrupted tongue. That ultimately, there's forgiveness and there's grace. Yes, you have destroyed others. Yes, you have failed miserably in your speech.

But the good news of the Gospel is that Jesus dies for sinners like you and me. And that in our repentance, He receives us and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we get to change. That is offered out before you today, the choice is yours. And my hope is that you would take it. My hope is that you would go to your groups this week and you would be honest and open. My hope is that you would have phone calls with people this week where you would confess sin and you would ask for forgiveness.

My hope is that Jesus would conform our church into a beacon of light, into a fountain in the wilderness of our culture. Let me pray. Lord, we love you and we thank you. The Proverbs has been beating our souls up. It has been beating mine up as well. And I just pray that you would help me and those in this room receive grace.

I pray if there's anyone here that has not trusted in you that they would absolutely be convicted of their sin and they would place faith in you. and I pray that we would grow as Christians to be the kind of people that embody the hearts and the tongues that you desire. We ask Jesus, in the name of you. Amen.

Wisdom and Friendship

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Those are the friends that you'll make for a lifetime, so I have my backpack on, ready to go, meet all my new friends.

You're going to be my best friend for life. You're going to be my best friend for life. Excited. And there's some truth to that, right? That there are some friends you make in college that you keep for the rest of life. Some, not so much.

There are even some people in college that you don't even like. And they don't even like you. And by God's twist of irony, later on in life, you end up becoming good friends. Like Chet, Matt, and I. I didn't like them, and they didn't like me in college. But God brought us together, and now we are close friends, and we pastor a church together.

But that happens. People change over time. Your friends change over time. You change over time. You learn about yourself. You learn more about your friends.

Friendship can be complicated. You go through seasons sometimes where either friendships are too much or they're not enough, where you're disappointed by friends or that you feel defeated because you can't be the friend that you want to be. And yet, in spite of all the complexities of friendship, we still long for it. We long for good friends. Friendship can be made in the image of a communal God. And we're designed for friendship.

That's why half of all the TV shows, they center around a group of friends. It's because friends are very important to us. We're designed in the image of a God who is communal. We long for friendships that give life, that make it joyful and fun and good. So, in order for us to understand friendship well and how God designed it, we need to go to the Bible. We need to look at what the Bible says about friendship.

And the Proverbs have various bits of wisdom about friendship. So, we're going to look at the Proverbs on this today. And we're going to move this through this in three different parts. We're going to look at first, wise friendship. Second, we're going to look at true friendship. And then lastly, we're going to look at friendship redeemed.

So, wise friendship, true friendship, friendship redeemed. Let me pray and then we'll jump in. Lord, we love you and we thank you. And we thank you that you give us your word and that your word shapes us and molds us. That it pierces us to the heart. God, I pray right now that you would go to work in our hearts.

So that we can see the wisdom of friendship and the friends that we are called to be. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Alright, so first, we're going to look at wise friendship. Alright, we're going to look at wise friendship. There are a few different aspects of wise friendship that we're going to see.

And we're going to start out with one of the bigger passages in Proverbs on friendship. Starting in Proverbs 27, verses 9 through 10. Oil and perfume make the heart glad. And the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend. And do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity.

Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. So it starts off, how sweet it is to have a friend that gives you earnest, heartfelt counsel. Now, there's something important to know as we walk through the Proverbs. Friend, the word friend, and neighbor. However, those two words have the same range of meaning in the Proverbs. Alright, when we hear that in the English language, we go, Friend, somebody you're friends with, neighbor is somebody you live beside.

Alright? And Proverbs has the same range of meaning. So they kind of get used a little bit interchangeably. So you're going to see friend, neighbor. It's our concept of those whom you call friends. And it says, What we're going to see first is that the Bible upholds sincerity as a quality of friendship.

Wise friends are sincere. Life is better when your friends are sincere. When they are genuine. When they are real. When they give you earnest, heartfelt counsel. This is how it starts off.

Wise friends are sincere. Proverbs 28, 23. Gives another picture of sincerity. Whoever rebukes a man will afterward found more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. So it goes after sincerity.

And the opposite of that being flattery. When I was in the 8th grade, I loved the 8th grade so much that I said I wanted to do it again. So I had an encore experience where I did the 8th grade twice. And I transferred to a new school. And I showed up, you know, a little bit nervous. New school.

Same grade. And I got there. And I met two friends out the gate. Now one of them was just like me. Transferred in from Wagner. And, you know, we're both filling out the school together.

Nice guy. You know, not overly nice. But nice guy. And the other one was overly nice. Like aggressively nice. Invited me to his house very quickly.

And was very nice out the gate. And what I began to learn about these two friends is that one of them was genuine. One of them was real. The other one flattered. All right.

He said nice things to you. I always say nice things about you when you weren't there. One friend, I went to, we went through high school together. We were actually going to college together. We were roommates in college. We're still friends this day.

The other one later in high school cheated with my girlfriend. Just two different types of friends. But one was flattering. It took some time to actually realize that. Because flattery is the enemy of sincerity. Flattery is the enemy of sincerity.

What's worse is that it sets people up for failure. Proverbs 29.5 says, A man who flatters his neighbor, again, here, friend, a man who flatters his neighbor, spreads a net for his feet. You know the kind of parents that really build their children up with a false sense of self-worth and value? They like really say lots of really overly not true but kind things to them. And then they go into the real world not set up for success. My parents never did that.

They were very genuine. When I was in the fourth grade, I did chorus. And I loved chorus. I loved to sing. And I thought, Man, this is fun. I'm going to sing in front of people.

And at the end of fourth grade chorus, I talked about wanting to continue doing it. My parents said, Well... And they were just like, You know, you like other... You're good at baseball. Like you... You like other things.

You know, it's good to see. It's good to see. And they were very kindly trying to help me see, You like singing. It may not be a gifting of yours. And I'm thankful for that because I didn't end up on American Idol. Y'all remember those people?

They get in front of... They get in front of millions of people on camera thinking that they were great. And they'd sing their hearts out. And then they would get absolutely destroyed. And no one ever loved them enough to sit them down and tell them, No, you should not sing in front of people like this. One o'clock in the morning at karaoke, in the shower, fair game.

But not in a performance setting. It sets you up for failure. When you are insincere with flattery and you are not earnest, you set them up for a trap. It is easy to flatter somebody. It's easy to say nice words. It's easy to say, Hey, you got a nice shirt.

Huh, you know what? That was a really good sermon today. Hey, you drive a really cool Prius. Like, it's easy to say nice things even when they're not true. It's easy. Because we like that.

We like saying nice things to people. Right? We like how it makes us feel. But hear this. If it doesn't fit into the biblical category of encouragement, which is based in reality, which is true. Encouraging words are true.

If it's not based in that, then the nice words you have to say aren't about your friend. They are for you. They're so you can be liked. They're so you can get a smile. You're not actually loving your friend. You are loving yourself.

Wise friends have candor and honesty. They don't shout, You go, girl, while you blow up your life and try to spend your life savings on a squirrel sanctuary or whatever you would do. Like they, they, they're not going to let you do that. In fact, when the time comes, they're going to rebuke you. Proverbs 27, 6 says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

So plentiful are the kisses of an enemy. It takes a true friend, someone who loves you enough to risk your friendship, to risk awkwardness, to rebuke you. This is huge because this is the reality. Many of us will measure friendships by how often our friends kiss us as opposed to wounding us. It's metaphorically, Proverbs is speaking metaphorically, kiss being nice things said to you as opposed to the rebuking, the wounds that come with rebuking. I have a friend.

I won't mention his name, but he is Australian. And he's really good at wounding me. He's what the Proverbs calls a very faithful friend. If you don't know that joke, it's Raz Bradley, one of our pastors, who is Australian. Now, he's not always tactful. We'll get to that in a moment.

But he is faithful to wound. A few years ago, I handled something poorly. I handled something. I did not lead well in a specific area. And there are many people that could have looked at what I did and could have made tons of excuses. Right?

Could have made excuse after excuse for why I failed in this area. But he didn't. He looked at me and he pointed exactly how I failed, where I needed to grow in leadership. And it hurt. It hurt. But it didn't kill me.

It wounded me. It did not kill me. It did not destroy me. And I've used that experience as a filter for my leadership in many decisions since and going forward. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. When a friend shares hard truths, they wound you.

And it is painful. But that pain is ultimately for your good. They are willing to risk painting the ones they love. They're not going to cheer you on and say, You go, girl. Go for it, dude. And not say, Man, we've got to sit down.

They're going to sit you down. They're going to rebuke you because they care about you. You need friends like this. You need friends who will stand in the way of you in self-destruction. You need friends who will stand in the way of you blowing up your life because they risked awkwardness. They risked friction enough to be able to sit you down and tell you truth.

We need people that sharpen us like that. Proverbs 27, 17 says, Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Good friends make each other better. As iron sharpens iron. Would you have ever seen iron sharpening iron? Have you ever seen someone sharpen a knife?

It's gritty. It's metal on metal. Sometimes sparks are flying. But it's ultimately friction for the betterment of the instrument. That's what it is. That's what the Proverbs is getting at.

It's friction for our good. That someone would sharpen you. We need this. Because the reality is that you are shaped by the community around you. Your parents raise you. They put as many morals and values into you as possible.

Then you're off into the world. And for the rest of your life, you are shaped by the people around you. And we need people in our lives that sharpen us. Otherwise, we become dull. There's a pastor, Ray Ortman in Tennessee. He says, By ourselves, we become dull and blunted and lose our edge.

We need friends who will do that. Who will absolutely show and display this type of sincerity. All right. So, that's a few different areas that we see where the Proverbs calls us to be sincere friends. The next aspect of friendship you see in the Proverbs of wise friendship is tactfulness. We need friends that are wise.

Wise friends that have tact. That are thoughtful. The Proverbs calls us to be tactful in friendship. Which requires knowing your friends. All right.

It requires understanding boundaries. It requires understanding how to interact with them. You need to know your friends and be tactful with them. We get a few different pictures of tactfulness in the Proverbs. Proverbs 25, 17 says, Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. Boundaries matter.

Boundaries matter. When I was a kid, one of my best friends lived about a mile away. We ride bikes to each other's house all the time. In the summertime, we spent a lot of time together. And I remember this one time, he was over at my house for like three days in a row. And I didn't understand what was happening, but I was getting agitated and frustrated.

And he was getting agitated and frustrated. And finally my mom said, Look, he's got to go home. He's been here for three straight days. You're getting on each other's nerves. It's too much. He's got to go home.

That's displaying this wisdom. That's what Ben Franklin says when he says, guests like fish begin to smell after three days. It's this idea that it's too much. Now, this is very important to know if you are an extrovert. If you don't understand the difference between extroverts and introverts, let me quickly explain. Extroverts, like myself, are fueled by people.

I can go from conversation to conversation. I can hang out with people three days in a row, three nights in a row. I can have all kinds of people in my life and I'm fueled by them. That's why extroverts are fueled by people. Introverts, not so much. Alright?

They're not fueled by people. They need time alone. They need time by themselves. It's a little bit of a continuum. It's a little bit of a scale. But introverts aren't fueled by people.

It doesn't mean they're not good with people. It just means they're not fueled by people. So, for those of you that are extroverts, you need to understand that boundaries matter. The Proverbs describes suffocating someone with your friendship like eating too much of the same food. It's like going to the same restaurant five times in a week and then saying, you know what? I've had enough.

I'll be back in three months. It's too much. You will get your fill and you will dislike it. So, if you're an extrovert, you might think, I could hang out with this person every day and it would never get old. No. It will get old.

It will probably get old faster for the other person but it will get old. We need to understand this, that boundaries matter. So, as extroverts, we need to know this and if you are more introverted, you need to love your extroverted friends enough to let them know that you need some space, that you need some boundaries and let it not be weird and let it not be something that offends you or gets insulted. We need to be able to understand and know one another, have the tact to know one another, to be able to navigate those situations. Some of our friends, our closest friends are the Freemans. So, Matt plays, he's a pastor over worship.

He's the guy playing up here on the guitar. They come over sometimes and about two hours into the night when they come over, I will, it's almost like clockwork. Matt is eventually going to start drifting away. Alright? He's going, and we laughed one time he ended up in front of the TV watching Frozen and we couldn't find him and all of a sudden he's staring up at Elsa singing and we're like, what are you doing? He drifts.

And what I've learned over the years is that after a couple of hours he just needs like ten minutes to himself. Alright? Because he's introverted. You may not know that about him because he's very good with people but he's actually introverted. He's not fueled by people. So, when that time in the evening comes where he drifts away to get on his phone for a moment to just be away, I don't go over and say, hey buddy, what you doing?

Can I get you a drink? Is there anything I can help you with? Come on, what's he going to come back and talk to us? I give him his space and I don't take it personal because I know that he just needs ten minutes and he's going to rally and come back. Alright? It takes tact, you guys.

It takes understanding that friends need boundaries. It's another aspect of tact. Proverbs 25, 20 gives us a second picture. It gives us the tactfulness to know how to read the room. How to read the room. Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day and like vinegar on soda.

Wise friends know how to read the room. They know how to not sing songs to a heavy heart. And that is something that's increasingly difficult for our culture because our culture is very obsessed with self. And tactfulness is not being obsessed with self, it's understanding the people around you. So, when your roommate bursts through the door and starts just joyfully, maybe not singing, but just saying, I love my job. My job is so great while the other roommate is on the couch in tears because they've been passed up for yet another Job after another bad interview.

That's the equivalent of taking a coat off of somebody on a cold winter day. It says, it's like vinegar on soda which in the Hebrew is a complicated saying but it essentially means pouring vinegar in the wound or as we use, probably the best paraphrase of this is salt in the wound. It's not loving. We have to understand and grow in Romans 12, 15, rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. And that takes understanding your friends and knowing how to read the room and see when they're sad and what to say and what not to say. Demetri Martin, a comedian, he has a joke.

He says, I'm sorry is the same thing as saying I apologize except at a funeral. There you go. It'll sink in later. But context matters. Knowing what to say matters and how to say things matters. It takes being tactful enough to know when to say the right things.

Know how to read the room. Proverbs 26, 18-19 gives us a different aspect of tactfulness. Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, I am only joking. It's like a madman is the one who fires away jokes like this and says, I'm only joking. Let me talk to let me talk to my fellow sarcastic sarcastic brothers and sisters. Those who appreciate the art of sarcasm and joking.

I love sarcasm. I do. And the Bible sometimes reads sarcastically and ironically in certain places. So I think that God appreciates sarcasm. At least on some level. However, you need to receive this proverb for the friend who is always joking in a way that makes you question reality.

I don't know if he's kidding. For the friend who passive-aggressively hides what they want to say in sarcastic digs. Alright? For the friend who qualifies their barbs, qualifies their digs, and says, just kidding, this is a joke, when their eyes are saying, but seriously, for the friend who doesn't know how to shift into serious mode when the time calls forth. It says, you are like a madman who gleefully launches flaming arrows into the hearts of your friends. It's like, ha ha!

I'll just point out your insecurity in front of everybody. It's hilarious. I'm just kidding. It's just a joke. That's what it's getting at. Here's the deal.

If everyone around you can't take a joke, it's very possible you don't know how to deliver one. And you need to receive this proverb. You've got to learn when it's appropriate to joke and when not to joke. And you need to know your friends well enough to know what type of jokes they receive. Chet Phillips and I are brutal towards one another. More brutal than I am with anybody else than he is with anybody else.

We are brutal towards one another. We feed off it and we love it. It's just our personalities is how we mix. That's our brand of humor. We're very brutal towards one another. It would be unloving to apply that type of humor to other people.

There are times where we're in the office and Ben Johnson who leads a community group in our church he also works for 1040 Hope they have space in our office. Every now and then Chet and I are going back and forth and Ben gets caught in the crossfire. And it's just so unkind because Ben doesn't understand sarcasm very well. Part of how he's raised is part of how he spent 10 years in the Middle East. He just doesn't understand it very well. And it's just mean.

It's just like no. You've got to learn to downshift. You've got to learn to know which friends to press in with a joke and pull out of a joke. It takes tactfulness to know our friends and to know what they receive well. I've got you one more proverb on the subject matter of tactfulness. I won't spend a lot of time on this.

Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice rising early in the morning will be counted as cursing. Which is pretty self-explanatory. Don't yell joyfully at your neighbor in the morning and be counted as cursing. The only thing I have to say on that is that my wife is not a morning person. And sometimes when she comes in here after she's, you know, Sunday morning she's brought all three kids by herself and she's not a morning person. I'm thankful that we have so many people who greet and greet well.

Continue to do it. Just don't take it personal when she has a blank stare in her face because she has no poker face and she just came in with three children and mornings are difficult for her. Alright, that proverb is self-explanatory. I'm going to move on from that. Wise friends have tact. And also, lastly, wise friends are reliable.

Wise friends are reliable. Proverbs 17, 7 says, A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. You've heard said that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. And that kind of rolls a little bit into some of these Proverbs. The idea is that brothers, family, they're born for adversity. Meaning, they're going to be there.

There's a familial obligation that they have to be with you when times get difficult. But your friends don't have to be. They don't have to be there. But good friends choose to be there. Good friends choose to love you at all times. Even in the midst of adversity, they are reliable.

Are you the kind of friend who will sacrifice your schedule for another when they're in trouble? Are you the kind of friend who will stay long into the night if that's what it takes? It's getting at reliability here. Loving at all times. I like to think of myself as a good friend. And then on this subject matter right here, I feel my selfishness in this.

When I see something and want to help somebody, I'll network a need. I'm fairly good at that. I say, hey, yeah, let me see if I can help. And sometimes it's good. Yesterday, I was supposed to help with something and I'm behind on work right now, so I came to the building and I worked in the morning and the afternoon to get some stuff done. And I networked a need and be able to get something done.

But there are times where I feel my own selfishness. I want to guard my time and guard my schedule and not love at all times. I want to be the reliable friend of the Proverbs, the Bible calls me to be. We need to be reliable friends. And we need reliable friends. Proverbs 18.24 says, a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Now the Hebrew word for friend here is a little bit different. It's a little bit stronger of a word. This word is the word ocheb and it is the idea of deep love for one. It's a deep pure affection for someone. It's the kind of sacrificial love that we see in 1 Samuel between Jonathan and David. I don't have time to get in that story today, but I would encourage you to go read 1 Samuel.

Go to 1 Samuel 18 and read about one of the most powerful friendships in the Bible. That Jonathan had this ocheb type of love for David. And it was at his own cost. Because Jonathan was the son of the king. He was the son of King Saul. And David was the next anointed king.

And he loved David at his own cost because loving and helping and serving David meant he was not going to be king. That's the type of sacrificial loving ocheb type of friendship that it's talking about here. The friend who sticks closer than a brother. It means that the bond is powerful. It's more powerful even than family. Because you are choosing to be there.

You are choosing to be a friend. It's deep. There's depth in this type of friendship. And that's pitted against having lots of companions. If you have lots of companions, if you have lots of people that you call friends, but you don't let them into your life, they don't know your junk, they don't, they're not, they're, you keep yourself private and fenced off. You don't have friends.

You get a lot of companions. And when it all hits the fan, when life gets difficult, you need friends. You don't need companions because they won't stick around. You need friends. Go back to the Proverbs 27 that we stated at the beginning. Verse 9, Oil and perfume make the heart glad and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

That's getting at the sincerity piece. That you would give sincere, earnest, heartfelt counsel. But verse 10, it says, Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. And the point that it's getting at is that you don't go to family who may not be in it with you, who may be distant in the day of calamity. You need friends in the day of trouble.

You need people that know you, that love you, that are reliable when the day of trouble comes near. So, wise friends are sincere, wise friends are tactful, and wise friends are reliable. These are the types of friends, of wise friends that you need. Now, I don't know if you see what I did there, but I did the most Baptist thing I think I've ever done outside of baptizing believers. I gave you an acronym. Be a star friend.

There we go. Sincere, tactful, and reliable. Nailed it. There's a professor in Louisville, one of my Baptist professors, who's shedding a tear right now, because I finally did an acronym after 12 plus years of being a Baptist. Be a star friend. Sincere, tactful, and reliable.

You are not going to forget that soon. Alright, that is wise friendship. Let's talk about true friendship. friendship. Anyone feel like they're missing those type of friends? Star friends, sincere, tactful, reliable? Anyone feel, if they're honest, like they're not really crushing being a star friend themselves?

You're not being as sincere as you need to be, as tactful as you need to be, as reliable as you need to be? when you read the Proverbs and what it has to say about friendship, you either leave a little bit disappointed or if you're convicted, like you should be, a little bit defeated. Defeated because you realize how selfish we are, how self-centered we are, that we've got, you know, schedules and lives and busyness and all kinds of things that pile up or if you really start to be honest with yourself, sometimes realize that so many of our friendships are just based in utility, they're based in, it's just for your use and your gain and not for the benefit of someone else. You realize how selfish you are, and some of you are introverted like, I ain't never going to be a star friend, this is very hard, or you feel a little bit disappointed because you're left longing, because you realize your current friends, while good, they don't satisfy, and life is consistently shifting, and the good friends that you make, they move away, or you move away, I mean, even TV shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother Get This, they end with the friend groups are changing because life moves on, I mean, life can be an endless string of disappointments when it comes to friendships, and many of us are left longing for friendships in this world, for comfort that comes from them, if you feel defeated, if you feel disappointed, I have good news for you, there are no perfect friendships in this world, it is a pipe dream to think that any friend in this world could ever satisfy your soul, and that is because true friendship is found in Christ, true friendship is found in Christ, Christ the friend of sinners and tax collectors, the true friendship is found in and flows from Christ, John 15, 13, we read this earlier, greater love has no one than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends, and who was it that laid down his life for his friends? Christ ultimately fulfills that, he is the only one that personifies perfectly this type of love, this type of friendship, he is the only one that is perfectly sincere, perfectly tactful, perfectly reliable, he is the only friend who does not abandon us, who never lets us down, that type of friendship is found in Christ, John Newton wrote a hymn, the hymn is called A Friend That Sticketh Closer Than a Brother, it is based on Proverbs 18, 24, in the hymn he says this and reflected upon friendship and how Christ fulfills it, he says, could we bear from one another and what he daily bears from us, yet this glorious friend and brother loves us, though we treat him thus, though for good we render ill, he accounts us brethren still, how good is that?

That Christ, our perfect friend, loves us in spite of how bad we are towards him, in spite of how of a bad friend we are towards Christ, that he loves us and counts us as friends, counts us as family, how good it is that we have a perfect true form of friendship that's found in Christ. That type of friendship only comes from the acceptance and forgiveness that is not of this world. That no matter what, Jesus doesn't walk away from those whom he counts as friends. And we need to believe that. We need to absorb that. Because friends will fail us.

They're sinful. They will. Friends will absolutely let us down. They will abandon us. They will forsake us. They will forget us.

They will move on. Paul felt this. Paul, at the end of his life, when he's writing 2 Timothy, just before he was going to be executed, he wrote in chapter 4, he described how he was abandoned by one man who fell in love with the world. He had other friends who left and went to help with other churches. And he was basically left alone with the exception of Luke who was nearby. And in the midst of all of this, in verse 16, he says, at first my defense, no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me.

May it not be charged against them. Anybody feel that? You've been deserted? You've been hurt by friends? You've been stabbed in the back? And he goes on to say, verse 17, the Lord stood by me and strengthened me.

He gets it. That friends, they're going to fail you. But we have a true friend in Christ that does not fail. That he was strengthened by Christ. Remember Proverbs 18, 24, the one who sticks closer than a brother, that Oheb type of love that we're longing for, that we desire, that friendship is ultimately found and offered in Christ. Jesus, deeply, and hear this, deeply loves you.

Y'all, he's a friend that doesn't grow tired of hearing about your problems. You've been in a situation where you're talking to a friend, you're telling him about your issues, and you've got a lot going on after like 15, 20, 30, I don't know how long it takes, but you just look at their eyes and they're just a little bit tired, and they're kind of done. You've shared a lot. Jesus never grows tired of hearing your problems. Never. You can go to him at any point.

He's inexhaustible, guys. You can go to him over and over. He actually will take it. He wants it. He desires to hear from us. How good is that?

You ever feel like you're a burden to any of your friends? Jesus, you are not a burden to him. You can never be a burden to Christ. In fact, he wants your burdens. He wants you to bring them to him. He wants to hear from you.

You know how you long for a friend that understands you, that gets you? You know, frustrating that is, that you feel like people don't understand you? Jesus understands you and gets you better than anyone else, including yourself. That is the friend we have in Christ, the friend who never abandons us. There is no friend in this world that matches that of Christ. And yet, we're a bad friend back to Jesus, that we treat him illfully, as John Newton wrote.

That we aren't good friends back to him, and yet, he's there. And Paul got this. That's why he was strengthened by Christ in the lowest moments of his life. He found his strength and the friend that we have in Jesus. Will you do the same? Will you see the friend that we have in Christ?

Will you see the true friend that we have in Christ? Because true friendship comes from him, and ultimately, true friendship flows from him. And that is how friendship is redeemed. That's the last aspect I want us to see, that friendship can be redeemed. None of us can be the friend that Jesus calls us to be, but ultimately, that friendship, that true friendship that Jesus provides, it flows from him, and ultimately flows through us. 1 John 4.19 says, We love because he first loved us, meaning the ability to love others with an internal type of love, that comes from Christ.

It comes from Christ, because he first loved us. The ability to be the true and wise friend that we are called to be, it comes from Christ. It's ultimately encountering him as our one true, perfect friend, so that we can befriend others in the way that God calls us to. So, I have some questions for us to think through. And we're not going to resolve these right now, but I want you to receive these, and these are actually going to be in your group content this week for community groups. You'll be able to walk through these questions again.

But I want you to, maybe if you want to jot these down, if you want to take a picture of any of this, again, it will show up later this week. But I want you to work through some of these questions, because we need friendship to be redeemed. First question, are you willing to give earnest counsel, earnest, heartfelt, heartfelt counsel, as it's described in Proverbs 27, 9? Are we willing to do that? Which, by the way, takes a lot of work, you guys. When Jesus tells us to give counsel, it's the first thing he tells us to do.

Check the log in your eye, make sure that's out, take that out, look at the speck in your brothers, then you've got to use some tactfulness and realize that maybe you don't need to give counsel that's all at once, maybe you need to spread that out over multiple conversations because it might be too much to receive. It takes a lot of work to give earnest, heartfelt counsel. Are you doing this? Are you giving earnest counsel to those who need it, to those whom you call friends? Second, are you willing to risk your friendship enough to wound them even if it does not go well? Even if it doesn't go well?

Are you willing to take that type of risk? or are you holding back on a difficult conversation because it is going to be very uncomfortable for you because it is going to be very difficult for you because if you're doing that, you're doing it for your benefit and not for theirs. You're thinking of yourself and you're not thinking of your friend. Are you willing to risk your friendship enough to wound them even if it might not go well? Are you sincere enough to talk to your friends and not about them? Are you sincere enough to talk to them and not about them with others? To love them enough to go and talk to them?

We say that all the time in our church family. We say have you talked to them first and not about them? Are you sincere? Do you flatter instead of encourage? Do you flatter instead of encourage? Are the kind words that you have to say to somebody about you so that you can feel good?

Is it just flattery? Or does it fit in the biblical category of encouragement? Do you sharpen those around you or do you complain only about not being sharpened yourself? Are you seeking to sharpen those around you or is your consistent complaint well I'm not being sharpened enough, I'm not being loved enough, I'm not being poured into enough? Do you overwhelm, actually let's skip one, are you so blunt that you lacked tact? Are you so blunt that you lacked tact?

That maybe you even just excuse your bluntness as oh I'm just being real, I'm just being honest, if they can't handle that, no, are you striving to be tactful or are you too blunt for your friends to receive what you have to say? do you overwhelm your friends because you are looking for fulfillment from them and not Christ? Are you running to friends thinking that they're the one that's going to bring you fulfillment, they're the ones that are going to bring you comfort, they're the ones that are going to bring you joy? That applies also to your spouse. Are you looking to others for fulfillment instead of finding your comfort in Christ?

Is your joking or sarcasm hurtful? or joy filled? Is your joking, is your sarcasm, is it painful to others? Have you even considered that? That maybe the ways in which you joke actually cause pain? Are you a friend who loves at all times or is friendship about your good? Meaning are friendships just utility and for your benefit?

Let me have one qualification to this. For those of you that are out of sight and out of mind? Right? The kind of person that if someone in your life isn't directly in your line of sight, if they're not in your life immediately, then they're completely out of your mind. I want you to wrestle with that question about loving at all times. I'm not arguing, listen, I'm not arguing that you have to have endless capacity for friendships and that all the friendships you have that you maintain over life, I'm not saying that.

But you need to ask yourself the really tough question, are friendships about my enjoyment, about my good and my benefit, and when they're not in my community group anymore, I forget them. When they're not in my immediate life anymore, I forget them, I'm not reliable, I won't be there for them. That's a question you need to wrestle with. Do you love at all times, or is your friendship ultimately for your utility, your benefit, your use, and your good? Those are just a few questions that I want you to consider. And we'll have some time to talk through them in group this week.

You may need to have some conversations today, or later this week, as you absorb some of these. And here's the deal. You may hear all of this, you may feel a little bit defeated, you may feel a little bit longing. I want you to know and believe this, that Christ ultimately comforts us as the one true friend. He comforts us in our failures to be the friends that we need to be. and that he goes to work on our hearts, softens them, so that we might display the kind of love that is needed for friendship in order to be redeemed as the friends that we need to be. Christ, our true friend, can redeem our friendships for his glory and for our good.

Matt's going to come up, and I want us to take some time and maybe just reflect on any of these questions that stuck out to you.

Wisdom and Womanhood (Proverbs 31:1-31)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Who's man enough to teach on womanhood? Go ahead and grab a Bible.

If you grab one of the blue ones, we're going to be Proverbs 31. That's page 318. If you need a Bible that's large print, the black ones in the rows are large print Bibles. Just ask your neighbor, say, I need one of those. If you don't have a Bible, would love for you to take one of those blue ones with you. That's our gift to you.

And especially as we walk through the Proverbs. The Proverbs talk a ton about wisdom. And having a Bible and reading the Bible is kind of step one. But what the Proverbs present to us is how to live a life of wisdom and to avoid a life of folly or a life of foolishness. And the Proverbs are going to talk about manhood and womanhood. And the passage we're looking at today is kind of the quintessential passage on biblical womanhood.

So go ahead and take a look. We'll look at verse 1. The words of King Lemuel, an oracle, an oracle being a teaching or a saying. We don't really use that word a whole lot. But an oracle that his mother taught him.

The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him. Now, we don't know that much about King Lemuel. He wasn't one of the kings of Israel. It's possible that he was a king from the surrounding area. But what we do know is that when Lemuel was asked about wisdom, what he shared were things that his mom taught him.

That he actually lived a life that was shaped by the wisdom sayings from his mother. And the truth is I resonate with that. My whole life has been shaped by godly biblical women. When I think about my grandmothers, my mom's mom isn't with us anymore. But she was a wonderful person, had a wonderful personality, was always smiling, had a song in her mouth, singing hymns.

Like some of my favorite memories are at her house. My dad's mom loves the Lord. I was just talking with Louise before we got started today. My grandmother is 83, and she just kind of stopped being a volunteer secretary at her church. My mom raised me to love the Lord, discipled me, taught me how to follow Jesus. I am married to a godly biblical woman who loves the Lord.

When I first met her, I was blown away by that, how much she loved the Lord. And I think about the women in my community group. I think about the women in our church. My life has been shaped by godly women. And when you look at King Lemuel, when he shares wisdom, it's coming from his mother. And so if you've been around the church, you have probably heard Proverbs 31 talked about in some form or fashion.

It is kind of that quintessential passage on biblical womanhood. But when I talk to females, a lot of times they look at Proverbs 31 with a mixture of both awe and anxiety. Like, how amazing is this woman and what on earth? In fact, some of you got antsy this morning when you realized that's what we were talking about. You're going, oh, not again. I don't want to do that.

But how you read Proverbs 31 has everything to do with how you understand it and how you live in light of it. So I want to put two things against each other. You can't read Proverbs 31 like it's a women's blog. This is not a mom blog. Every once in a while, Katie shows me some of the things she finds on the Internet. It's like 12 ways to be a mom and still slay in the business world.

Like 43 ways to know whether you're a good mom or not. Like, ladies, when you read those, are they ever really all that helpful? Don't you just kind of get to the end and you're just depressed? They're mostly written by people who are just really good at this one little thing. And they wrote about it and you get to the end of it and it wasn't helpful. And they just kind of wanted to brag on themselves.

That's not how you read Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 is not a checklist. It's not a scoreboard. The way we look at Proverbs 31 has got to be way more like an adventure story. It's got to be way more like an adventure story. When I was growing up, my mom would read to me at night.

She'd read me all kinds of stories. But some of my favorite ones were the adventure stories. You know the type. It's about the knight in shining armor. And there's this mission that someone has to go on. And he volunteers for it.

And he goes off by himself. And he meets people along the way. He befriends the lonely. They become his band of travelers. They come across a village that's on fire. And they all rush in and rescue all the people.

And along the journey, they come under attack by marauders. And he takes an arrow in the chest. He just like breaks it off. And he doesn't have food for 43 days. Gets to the castle and still slays the dragon and gets the princess. It's an adventure story.

The point of the story is not that you would take an arrow to the chest and break it off. The reason we love those stories is because of the values they highlight. Courage. Sacrifice. Bravery. Friendship.

Love. That's what we get in Proverbs 31. There are a lot of specific examples that are brought up in Proverbs 31. But it's not a checklist. It's not a scoreboard. The reason it's talked about as an ideal is that it's an ideal.

No one woman could ever possibly do all of the things that are talked about here. So our goal today is going to be walk through the specific examples. And we're going to see some values rise to the top. And we're going to look at those and see how we might respond to it. And then we're going to see how the gospel is good news to every woman who chooses to pursue a wise life of following Jesus. Okay?

So that's how we're going to look at it today. And men. Men. Don't tune out. You've got to learn how to support your wives as they try to work through this. Some of you are raising daughters.

Some of you guys are single guys and you're looking for what kind of woman do I want to pursue. Men. You exist in community groups with women who are trying to chase after this. So today is actually very important for our church family to understand what is scripture calling us to here. Okay? So let's pray before we hop into the bulk of this text.

God, we need your help. God, we need you to show us how the good news of the gospel brings hope to women as they pursue you, as they pursue wisdom, so that all of us might respond to this incredibly well. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, so let's kind of get back to the beginning again. Proverbs 31 is broken up into two sections. The first one isn't specific to womanhood, but it does have some wise things that King Luke's name is.

Lemuel's mother shares with him. And then the back half is where the stuff on womanhood comes from. And so we're going to blitz through this a little bit quickly, but go ahead and look at chapter 31, verse 1. It says this. The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him. What are you doing, my son?

What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? So what's the first thing King Lemuel remembers? What are you doing? Any moms or parents resonate with that? Like the next time that just flows out of your mouth to your child, like, remember, that's biblical.

Maybe like give yourself a pat on the back. One of the commentaries I read called this affectionately reproachful. It's like, son, I love you, but what on earth? I'll be honest. That's a lot of how wisdom came to me as a child. But it is.

It's this mother talking to her son. And then verse 3, we begin to see some of the wisdom that she shares. Verse 3. Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. It is not for kings, O Lemuel. It is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to take strong drink.

Lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to the one who is perishing and wine to those in bitter distress. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth. Judge righteously.

Defend the rights of the poor and needy. So the mother of the king says, don't chase women and don't chase drunkenness. That's a good word, right? So basically she says, don't be the kind of person that is driven by lust or by desire. She says, don't chase women. Listen, we get a king in scripture who needed to hear that, right?

That's the story of King David. King David didn't go to war with his troop. He's back home. He goes up on the roof. He sees Bathsheba and the rest of that story goes terribly. He needed that wisdom.

Don't pursue drunkenness. Don't use it to put away your misery or to get things from your mind. Treat alcohol appropriately. Why? Because you've got God-given responsibilities that you've been called to. Judge righteously.

Defend the weak. Defend the poor. And so while this isn't specific to womanhood, what we do get a picture of here is a woman who had huge impact on her son. When I think about the ladies in our church, the women all across this room, and the impact that you guys have in all kinds of different spheres, you have the ability to have this kind of effect, this kind of impact. It helps shape King Lemuel. Now we're going to transition again into the passage that is specifically about being a woman of wisdom.

And I want to say this again. The point of this is not to get all hung up in the nitpicky details. I think there are parts of the details that are helpful depending on your situation and depending on your context. But what we're hoping to do is walk through these verses and hope that values begin to rise to the top because values can be applied in a whole wealth of context. And then we're going to post up and say, okay, what did we learn? What did we learn about those values?

Okay? Verse 10. An excellent wife who can find. She is far more precious than jewels. An excellent wife who can find. Or an excellent woman.

See, this whole passage is framed by the idea of showing us the excellent life or woman. And the way he ends is he addresses women. It's the same word in Hebrew. He says they are far more precious, far more valuable than wealth. Men, see that. See the wealth of a godly biblical woman.

Women, see the intrinsic wealth and value. That you have given to you by God. Far more precious than jewels. Verse 11. The heart of her husband trusts in her. And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. The heart of her husband trusts in her. She's trustworthy. He feels safe and secure around her. There's no need for hiding. There's no need for pretense.

Her words and her actions are honest. She's reliable. She comes through. And it says she does him good and not harm. I like that it says both. It's not just that she does him good.

She also intentionally tries not to harm him. That's a good thing. But what this basically could say is that she does him all good all the time. It says all the days. When I think about all the days, that reminds me of wedding vows. I've had the opportunity to preach some of the weddings of the couples in this room.

And when you think about the vows they make to each other, maybe the traditional vows, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health, till death do us part. She's in. She's steadfast. He is secure in her. Verse 13. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.

She's like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. Now, that's a little bit lost on us because not many of us, not many of you women are making clothes at home. Like you don't just have a pile of flax in a closet. If you do, that's cool. If that's your thing, you know, into DIY and making clothes.

But what I want to emphasize here is the value. This isn't, it's not just about the contextual point. It says that she works with willing hands. So whatever she's been given, whatever she's doing, she's working with willing hands. This isn't begrudging submission. She's taking the opportunity that she's been given and she's working hard.

And she's willing to go to great lengths. It compares her to ships of the merchant. The merchant ships would go out and they would cross the seas and they'd have to fight against waves and weather. And they would go get the goods and they would risk themselves to bring back goods for the people. So it shows us a woman who is willing to work with willing hands and to go to great lengths for those that are entrusted to her.

Those that she cares about. You see that? See how beautiful that is? Verse 15. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She's diligent.

It says she gets up early. Like super early. It says while it is yet night. Like she wakes the rooster up. This woman is working hard. She is diligent and she's doing so so that she can provide food for her house and maidens.

And again, don't get wrapped up in the thing that she's doing. See her willingness to sacrifice for the good of those around her. You see that? She's willing to sacrifice and get up super early so that she can love and care for those around her. Verse 16. She considers a field and buys it.

With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. Y'all, we're like, I don't know, six verses in. And she's hustling. Right? She's making clothes. She's working with her hands.

She's getting up early. She's providing food for her house. Here's the point I want to make, though. She's not a prisoner in her own home. You see that? She's out considering a field and buying it.

She's entrusted. She has authority. She has leadership to make some decisions and to execute some plans. And so I want to pause for a second. This isn't a main point of this passage, but I do think it's helpful to point out. When you look at the totality of Scripture, Scripture talks a ton about how women are well-suited as image bearers of God to nurture children and to care for the home.

They're well-suited for it. It's part of how God created them. It's part of what He poured into them. And y'all know that's true. If you had to put women and men beside each other, you know who's more nurturing and caring. It's a beautiful aspect of the way that they get to bear God's image to the world.

It's modeled after Jesus. They get to serve like Jesus. And so we yes and amen where Scripture talks about that. But this verse shows that that's not all she's doing. She bought a field and she planted a vineyard. And so when King Lemuel's mom is describing a woman of wisdom, she doesn't choose between a housewife and a woman working outside the home.

She holds up both as beautiful and valid. And so what I want to say to husbands and wives in the room is that this is something you've got to talk about and work at together. Each family is different. Every couple is different. Your life, the things that you have to do, you have different seasons in life that are going to require different things of husbands and wives. Sometimes one is going to be diminished while the other takes greater weight in terms of responsibility.

And this is something that Katie and I worked at together. So for those of you who know my wife, know she is brilliant. She is unbelievably talented and gifted. She got her bachelor's degree and then she went and got a master's in middle level science. And so when we moved to Plant Mill City Church, she was able to get a job as a middle school teacher. She was able to get a master's degree and did incredibly successful, did a great job.

But when she got pregnant with Emmy, we sat down at the table and discussed and talked about how do we want to do this. And she said, Matt, I want to stay home. I want to stay home with our children. I want to care for them. I want to serve and sacrifice and be a blessing to our family. And honestly, it was a sacrifice for our whole family because I don't know if y'all know this, but church planting is not a lucrative adventure.

But we looked at it and saw it as something that is good and valuable. And it's been a blessing. She's continued to work. She's done part time jobs. And we've talked about when the time comes, when the girls are in school, that that she's she's got opportunities in front of her. But but husbands and wives, we talked about it.

Every family is different. Talk about it. Pray about it. Wrestle with what Scripture says and then live in light of it. Let's keep going.

Verse 17. Says she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Basically, that means she does CrossFit. Not really. If she did CrossFit, it would be written here because you're legally required to tell people if you do CrossFit.

Have I have I mentioned that I did CrossFit? OK, here's literally what it means is that she's gotten herself physically prepared for what's ahead. This is not about curls and planks, though maybe. But it means that she's gotten herself physically prepared for what's ahead. Verse 18. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She's still working, making clothes, buying fields, planting vineyards, selling merchandise. It says her lamp does not go out at night. So not only does she get up while it's night, she lights the lamp and stays up at night.

That's terrifying. Because you read that and you go, OK, so to be a wise woman, I have to burn the candle at both ends, right? Again, this is one of the pictures that should show us this is an ideal. If you get up super early and go to bed super late every night, you actually can't accomplish what verse 17 calls you to. That you would be physically prepared for what's in front of you. See that?

In fact, the value being held up here is a woman who works hard and makes sacrifices to do that. But don't get hung up on those details. Verse 20. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. Two things I want to point out here.

One is that she's generous. She's a generous lady. I think about the women in this room. This room is full of generous women. And so the reason she can do that is that she's worked hard. She's taken care of things.

And so she's not only generous to her loved ones. She has eyes for those that are needy around her. She sees the poor and she is generous towards them. The other thing is that she's prepared. She's not afraid of snow for her household. Obviously, she's up in the third watch of the night making scarves.

She's not worried about the snow. But because of her preparations, everyone around her is secure. Good news for you ladies is that you live in the south. This really isn't a skill you've got to worry about. Except for like once every ten years, the skill you need to be worried about is like how to shank someone when you're going to get bread and milk at the grocery store. So like up in your room at night, like working on your skills.

Not necessarily making warm clothes. But she's generous. And because of her preparations, people around her are secure. Verse 22. She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Does this mean she makes bed coverings and fine linen clothes for herself? Yes. Is it possibly highlighting something more? Also yes.

Talking about bed coverings and fine linen. And you may feel uncomfortable. Just imagine Lemuel having this conversation with his mom about bed coverings and fine linen. Oh mom, stop. Gross. Ew.

But the point here is that a woman of wisdom pursues her husband. Now, everything we've talked about so far is pursuit of her husband. The way that she loves. The way that she serves. The way that she gives of her time. But also, part of that is pursuing her husband intimately.

So that they can be connected. So that there can be oneness and love and joy in their house. Verse 23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. That's awesome. This wife's hard work and her character are so on display that when people connect her husband to her, it boosts his reputation.

That his reputation is better because she is his wife. And so ladies, that's I think the thread to draw through there is when someone connects you to someone else. Whether that's your siblings or your parents or your children or the people in your community group. And they go, oh, oh, they know each other. Does that lift that person in their eyes? Do they think well of them because they're acquainted with you?

Verse 24. She makes linen garments and sells them. She delivers sashes to the merchant. I've lost count of jobs at this point. I mean, she's doing a good job. She's got lots of side hustles.

She's on it. Verse 25. Strength and dignity are her clothing. And she laughs at the time to come. I love this one. Strength and dignity are her clothing.

Not talking about her actual appearance. Not her actual clothing. But strength and dignity are so much a part of her character and conduct that they seem to her as clothing. To a watching world. She laughs at the time to come because she's prepared. Verse 26.

She opens her mouth with wisdom. And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. A woman of wisdom speaks wisdom. A woman of wisdom speaks wisdom. Well, where does wisdom come from? Wisdom comes from the Lord.

Wisdom comes from His Word. A girl knows her Bible. She knows how to teach it. And how to use it to build others up and to teach and to correct. A woman whose mouth is filled with wisdom so that she can be helpful and gracious. Verse 27.

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. If there was a verse that could have just been left out, it's that one. Like, she's not lazy. You know. Like, she is working hard. There's no one who's arguing that this lady is being idle.

Her children rise up and call her blessed. And her husband also. And he praises her. Love that. Listen. I love to hear my daughters talk about their mom.

I love it. I love to hear them tell her that they love her. That when they sit at our kitchen table and they're drawing pictures, they're drawing pictures of mom and for mom. When we sit down to eat dinner, they want to sit beside their mom. When it comes time for bed, they want mom to put them to bed. They love their mom.

And that's a beautiful thing. And Spencer said this out the gate. And I just want to second it. If you have a relationship with your mom. It's Mother's Day. If there's one thing that you can call and thank your mom for and praise her for, please do that.

Do that. It says her children rise up and call her blessed. Husbands. I want to challenge you. Because the way that children love to rise up and call their mom blessed is that they have first seen that modeled. They have heard you blessing and praising your wife.

Men. They have heard you in your community group talking in a good way about the women in your group. It also says her husband praises her. So husbands. Take that as a challenge. Like how are your words gracious towards your wife?

Are you pointing out the good things in her? Are you only pointing out the things that you wish were different? So as we walk through this list today, don't have a scorecard in your mind either that like on the car ride home you're going to be like, well, it talked about. First of all, the Father's Day sermon is coming. So don't.

I mean. But men, let's be men of character who see the women in our church for who they are and how hard they work and how much they give themselves. Verse 29. This is kind of the ending here. It's getting to the end. It's in quotes.

It says, Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. Right? Right? The ideal woman that is described here. Amazing characteristics. It is excellent.

But again, the picture, what we need to remember here is that the picture of the ideal woman is just that. It's an ideal. Women. You cannot perfectly embody this. That is not the point of it. But I hope that even as we walk through, you could see a theme.

Again, you saw different values that were beginning to rise to the top. And there's a lot that you can pull out of this passage, but I just want to highlight four. Okay? I want to highlight four for us that are beautiful. And I want to say this. I want to keep saying it.

I see these four characteristics in the women in our church. This is beautiful. I see these. I think you're going to see it too. First one is this. It says, Now, she takes care of the poor.

Her posture is to be focused on others. She sacrifices. She gets up early. She does all these things because she's learned the joy of living a life focused on others. And again, don't get focused on the specifics. Don't get wrapped up in the little nitpicky details.

You could really put anything in here that's focused on other people, and it computes. It gives evidence to this. Here's just a few. A woman of wisdom gives up time in her schedule to talk to you on the phone when you're struggling. A woman of wisdom looks at you and says, Hey, can I watch your kids for you? You seem tired.

A woman of wisdom claps when she sees another woman succeeding or getting opportunities rather than being jealous. You can stretch this line across every aspect of our life because it's a value. And so ladies, I think one of the, and really for all of us, but ladies specifically, I think you can think about what do my thought patterns look like? The words that I say, the things that I do. Am I thinking about myself most of the time? Or do I have a concern in my mind for the needs of others?

When I speak, am I just talking about myself or for my own gain? Or am I building others up? How I use my social media stuff? My actions, are they focused on others or are they just self-serving? And the truth is we see this modeled in Jesus. When Jesus is asked, what's the greatest commandment?

He says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. So Jesus tells us right there that the key to a wise life, a full life, is that we would love God and love other people. And there's a ton of joy there. And I'll be honest, guys, this was modeled for me. My mom embodied this through and through. My mom embodied this.

So by the time I was born, my mom had graduated from Clemson. She was, which tells you how wise she is. She was teaching. My brother had already been born. They had found someone to watch my brother. But when it came time for me to be born, her and my dad made the decision for her to stay at home.

My mom was a good teacher. And so her job became getting us to ball practices and getting us to school and taking care of us and taking care of our home. And you might think that she had put her teaching on the back burner. But no, she was selfless. She was others focused. That became teaching Sunday school.

That became teaching VBS. That became teaching and counseling and caring for women. As she taught with other ladies in our church on the phone. As she volunteered as a part of our senior adult ministry. As she took pictures at my wrestling matches and gave them away for free. My mom embodied a selfless, others focused life.

And I want to say this. My mom's value did not come from her being focused on others. It was evidence of the value she knew she had in Jesus. Which gave her the heart and the example to follow how to serve and love others. Second thing. A woman of wisdom cares more about her character than her beauty.

A woman of wisdom cares more about her character than her beauty. We've already seen that this woman is generous. That she's not known for the things that she wears. She's clothed with dignity. The way she holds herself and carries herself. The way she spends her time.

The way she gives of her heart and her service. When she opens her mouth to share wisdom. It says it's kind. There's kindness. And there's a difference between kindness and niceness. Niceness just tells people what they want to hear.

To make them feel good. Kindness knows when wisdom is appropriate for building up. And when wisdom is appropriate to help correct. But you see this embodied in her character. One of the ones I love here is that in verse 12 it says. Remember it says the heart of her husband trusts in her.

This is my wife. I trust my wife. I can be wide open with her. I'll tell you all this story. Katie and I met each other. We were working at a church together.

And you know sparks were flying. You could tell. Like we liked each other. But we weren't dating yet. But one Sunday morning after church service.

We decided to go eat lunch together. So we went to Subway. That's right. We went to Subway. There's not that much in Clinton. Okay.

Clinton, South Carolina. But we went to Subway. And I don't know what happened. But we sat there for hours. And I just felt so comfortable with her. That I just opened up.

I shared stuff from my past. I shared my insecurities. I talked about sin struggles. Things I wasn't proud of in my past. I talked about where I was currently struggling. And since that day.

My heart has not stopped trusting in my wife. I love that. I feel safe with her. I don't have to hide. There's no room for pretense. She makes me feel safe.

Now dating advice. Guys. That worked out well for me. Don't do that. Don't do that. Might not work out good for you.

God was gracious. God is good. Number three. A woman of wisdom finds joy in all situations. A woman of wisdom finds joy in all situations. Now this one's a little bit harder to see.

But it's evident. You see it in adjectives like. She works with willing hands. At no point do you see her slacking or being idle. You don't see any contempt in the things that she does. She's come to find the joy in all situations.

And whether she's at home or planting a field or making food. She finds joy in all situations. She finds joy in all situations. Because. She has learned that obedience. In the tasks that God has called her to.

That's where joy can actually exist. Because when the Bible talks about joy. It's not talking about happiness. It talks. It's more reflective of a deep seated satisfaction. In knowing who God is.

And what he's done. In knowing who you are. And who God's called you to be. That whether things are good. Or things are bad. Or you're doing things you want to.

Or not doing things. Or doing things you don't want to do. You find your joy. In the Lord. That doesn't mean. That.

You might not have to check your heart sometimes. That your motivations. Might not be great. That you might not want to work with willing hands. You might not want to be kind. Or generous.

But what I want to point out here is that. In those moments. The woman who. Repents. Of that heart. Repents of those attitudes.

Gets the joy of the Lord restored to her. Because she's going. I want to choose something better. I'm going to choose. Joy. I repent of my heart.

My action. My attitude. I'm going to choose to find joy. In all of these situations. The fourth thing is this. And this one.

It's the easiest. It's why I put it last. A woman of wisdom. Works hard. No doubt. No doubt.

We've seen it all over the place. It's working with willing hands. It's going to great lengths. It's rising early. Going to bed late. Considering a field.

Buying it. Planting it. Selling stuff. Making stuff. I mean. She contributes to the world.

But. Ladies. I think it's helpful. Again. It's. Regardless of context.

I think a helpful question to ask is. What has God given you to do? And are you doing it to the best of your ability? What has God given you to do? And are you doing it to the best of your ability? Are you.

Being lazy. Or jealous. Or disorganized. And I. I'll be honest. There's not a whole lot of correcting being done right here.

I look across this room. The women in this church work hard. And I'm thankful for it. It is a beautiful gift. You look at these values. And they're.

That. That's amazing. That's beautiful. And I see that. All across this room. And now we get to figure out.

How do we apply that. Into the lives that God has called us to. But I still. I still get worried. That when we read a passage like Proverbs 31. You're still thinking scoreboard.

You're still thinking checklist. Even though I said don't worry about specifics. You've already. Even though we're just looking at values. And so I think there's room. For different kinds of responses to this.

I think you could look at this and respond. I'm actually crushing that. I'm doing. I'm doing pretty good. It may not be perfect. But I'm doing pretty good.

I'm at least doing better. Than all the other women in my community group. That's dangerous. You might be thinking. Well okay. I'm.

I'm. I'm not. I'm not doing great. But I. I'm. I'm trying.

You know. If I just got up a little bit earlier. And I went to bed a little bit later. And I just. Spent some more time with my kids. And I just made some more scarves.

I mean. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not doing it. But. But I.

I can. I can. If I white knuckle. And I. If I just do better. And try harder.

I can. I can do this. It's possible that some of you look at this. And you think. Who cares? You may think I'm my own person.

You might think. Actually. This is a little bit backwoods. This is a little bit oppressive. Haven't we moved beyond this? We really got to talk about.

Ladies serving others. With. The weight of world history behind that. Are you serious? You see this is. Narrow minded.

The one I fear the most. Is the person who says. I'm crushed by this. Not a one of those things am I doing. None of this is present. I am an utter failure.

And what I want to say. Is that all four of those responses. Miss the point. They miss the point. I've got good news. Verse 30.

Charm is deceitful. And beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord. Is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands. And let her works praise her.

In the gates. A woman who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised. This. Is the woman of wisdom.

Ladies. It says that charm. Is deceitful. Living your life. And doing things. For the sole motivation.

Of gaining the approval of others. Or so that they might. Like you. Or see you as good. And valuable. Is deceitful.

It's a lie. You will never be able to do enough. Or say enough. To actually feel. Accepted. And approved of.

If you look at life that way. Beauty is vain. We are all getting older. We are. It's all. It's falling.

I had to get a. A steroid shot. In my shoulder. This week. We are. We are getting older.

It is. Fleeting. It is. Vanity. But what this passage.

Ends with. Is the pinnacle. A woman. Who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised.

That's the woman of wisdom. That's what. Everything else. Hinges on. Is that. Truth.

A woman who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised. You know. We talked about. The different ways.

You can read this passage. A mom blog. Versus. Versus. An adventure story. Here's.

Here's the good news. Jesus comes. As the fulfillment. Of the adventure story. He actually comes. And is that sacrificial.

He comes. And is that loving. He comes. And is that generous. He goes hard. He goes.

Hard. All the way to the cross. So that he might die. For every area. That you fall short. Ladies.

Turn your eyes. To Jesus. Turn your eyes. And fix your eyes. On Jesus. Jesus himself.

Said beautiful things like. Seek first. The kingdom of God. And his righteousness. And all these things. Will be added to you.

Ladies. Seek him first. Above all else. And then let him go to work. On your heart. And on your soul.

Jesus says. Come to me. Come to me. All you. Who are weary. And heavy laden.

And I will give you rest. Ladies. Are some of you tired? Lord. He gives rest. He gives rest.

The good news of the gospel. For you ladies. And for all of us. Is that we run. To Jesus. The Proverbs say this.

Over and over and over again. The woman. The man. The person who fears the Lord. Is the wise person. We make Jesus.

The sole focus. Of our lives. And then he takes care of the rest. So that when we do good. When we work hard. And when we accomplish these things.

It's to his praise. And when we. Struggle. And we. Repent. And we ask for his forgiveness.

It's to his praise. So the band's going to come back up. And we're going to respond. In a second. By standing and singing. But I just want to return.

To those. Four different perspectives. That might be here in the room. For the lady. Who maybe looks at this. And says.

I'm crushing this. You know. I. I'm at least doing better. Than all the other women. Around me.

I would say. Don't go that way. If you function. As your own savior. Who picks you up. When you fall.

Look. Look to a better savior. For the woman. Who says. I'm not. I'm not doing this.

If I just do a little bit better. And if I just. Try a little bit harder. I. Absolutely.

Sister. Strive. And work hard. Grace. Is not. Opposed.

To effort. But it. Is opposed. To earning. Look to Jesus. For the one who says.

Who cares. You know. This is. Backwoods. It's oppressive. See.

The son. Of God. Become a human. The son of man. Came to serve. Not to be served.

And to give his life. As a ransom. For many. And see. The joy. It's not always easy.

But it's better. And for the person. Who says. I am. Crushed. By this.

I have failed. I have fallen. Short. Know that he was. Crushed. For you.

Let's pray. God. I pray. That we would see. The wisdom. In fear of you.

Reverence of you. All of you. Would be the key. To wisdom. In our lives. And that is.

Perfectly displayed. In Jesus. Who. Who embodied all of this. And gave himself for us. So that we might.

Be forgiven. And might have life. And might. Chase after you. So Lord.

Help us to remember. Just how far. You are willing to go. So that we might have joy. And salvation. In you.

In Jesus name. Amen.

Wisdom and Parenting (Proverbs 3:1-8, 11-12)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Of the gospel. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Well, good morning. It's good to see you. Good to see you all this morning.

Grab your Bibles. Go to Proverbs chapter 3. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are working our way through the book of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs is a bit different from other books in the scriptures.

It is a lot of proverbial sayings, a lot of collections of wisdom. And as we go through this, we're going to take some things topically where we just kind of say, okay, what does the Proverbs have to say about this subject? Because they're all over the place. So usually when we work through a book, we're working through verse by verse, line by line. If you did that in the Proverbs, you'd be all over the place. And so we're trying to collect some wisdom together to look at it.

It's also a very practical book. Rather than just dealing with the theology of who God is and what he's done or kind of telling us history of God in the world, it's saying in general, this is how God has designed the world to work. It's dealing with what is most likely to happen. There are always exceptions to the rule, but the book of Proverbs is giving the general rules in a lot of ways. It's saying this is kind of how life is meant to work. And most often, this is how it will play out.

And therefore, it's a very practical book. It says in light of who God is, here's what we do. So this morning, we're going to talk about parenting. We're going to see what the book of Proverbs has to say about parenting. Now, even as we begin that, I need to address some different people in the room. Some of you are parents.

You're parents of children of all different ages. We have parents who have adult children that have moved out. And as we talk through this, there may be some areas where you feel pride or shame. And I would encourage you to continue to believe the gospel, which is that your shame is real. Your pride is real. And both of them are to be taken to the cross.

And so that we would walk away from our pride and trust the Lord. And we would walk away from shame and guilt that we feel and trust the Lord. Some of you don't have children. You might be tempted to check out. But as we see this, as we walk through this, we're actually going to see that looking at parenting gives us a good understanding of how God treats us.

And how God interacts with those who belong to him. And so it's helpful for all of us. Some of you are parents. And so I would encourage you to listen and to listen well and to humble yourselves to try to hear what the Proverbs have to say. And all of us may be tempted to go, I'm so glad these other people are here. So that they can learn about how to raise their children.

And just so you know, that will be a temptation throughout the book of Proverbs for you to go, good. Look around the room. Are we talking about women? Okay, yeah, here we go. Good. Like, that's bad for your soul.

That's what Pharisees do. Pharisees hear the word of God and think about how it applies to other people rather than how it applies to them. And so I would encourage you to fight that. But we're going to look at parenting today from the Proverbs. We're going to spend most of our time in chapter 3, but we will jump around and we'll put those on the screen. I remember my first son was born six years ago.

You go to the hospital. You have the baby. I mean, I don't. But I was there. Still traumatizing experience for me. Then they just give you the baby and send you home like you're ready to take care of this thing.

There's no real instructions other than don't shake it. And that's it. They make you watch a video, sign a certificate, and they just send you home. And it's stressful. I remember going to the grocery store and just feeling overwhelmed that we had to take this thing and keep it safe and help it grow. And I just was in the grocery store and I just remember walking around and being like, I don't know if I can handle this.

And then I just began to look at the people around me and I thought, well, they all used to be babies. And they made it. I looked at one guy and I was like, I bet his parents were idiots. Wasn't really based off of what he looked like, but I was really tired. I was just making myself feel better. But the truth is, children grow up.

And that's part of what the Proverbs wants us to see. That you are training and equipping and helping them grow into something. And whether you're doing this intentionally or unintentionally, you're doing this. You're training, equipping them, turning them into something. And so the Proverbs is going to help us know how to go about this. What we're supposed to train them into.

What we're supposed to pull them into. And then some basic practical tips on as we do this. Some tools to help us do it. So let's pray and then we'll look at this together. God, we thank you that your word gives us wisdom here. There are a lot of competing bits of wisdom when it comes to how to raise children.

From what we read to what people have told us. To what we see other families doing. To what our moms and dads and grandparents tell us that we ought to do. Or that they did with us. And we just pray, Lord, as we study the word. That we would grow in practical wisdom on how to parent.

And that we would grow in a gracious understanding of how you treat us. Through Christ. Through Christ. In love. As you father us. And so we thank you and we praise you in Jesus' name.

Amen. Proverbs 3 says, My son, do not forget my teaching. But let your heart keep my commandments. For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. So we're kind of looking sideways at this.

There are going to be some direct commands to parents. But right now we're just looking at a parent addressing a son and saying, Don't forget my teaching. Let your heart keep my commandments. And there's a basic assumption here that I think we need to address. The Proverbs believe that children have parents for a reason. I watched a bit of a nature documentary.

And there were these eggs that hatched and these lizards popped out. And they had like 10 seconds to orient themselves to the world before snakes were trying to eat them. That was it. 10 seconds. Hope you like the world. Put your big boy pants on.

Time to go. I told you this a second ago. But I have a child that we've had for 6 years. He's not even remotely close to ready. That lizard had 10 seconds. But the reason God gives children to parents on purpose.

Children need parents. They need teaching and commandment. They need training. There's this current philosophy that you have an inner child. That you were born pure and good. And that the world messed you up.

Your parents messed you up. Society messed you up. People imposed things on you. And so that the role of parents now is to protect the child. But then to stay out of the child's way.

To help the child find themselves. And blossom into whatever they're going to be. Well Proverbs tells us what they're going to be. Fools. Proverbs 22 15 says. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child.

But the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 29 15 says. The rod and reproof. To a form of corporal punishment. And we'll get to that later. And reproof.

Which is verbal correction. Give wisdom. But a child left to himself. Bring shame to his mother. That we are to train and equip. Proverbs 22 6 says.

Train up a child. In the way he should go. Even when he's old. He will not depart from it. That we're to train children. That we're to be taking them somewhere.

That we're to be equipping them. And moving them in a direction. That they need help to get there. And then it says this. We're to train them. We're to help develop them.

And send them out. That they need parents for a reason. And then it says that they may go. That part of the purpose behind parenting. Is that your children would go. And some of you have teenagers.

And you're like yes and amen. Go. My mom said the Lord made teenagers annoying on purpose. So that you'd be ready for them to leave. No need for amens on that. Just keep it to yourself.

But that part of what we're doing in parenting. Is equipping and training them to go. We're helping them grow. I went with my dad to his. He was in his garden. And he was showing me what he had planted.

And he said. This is lettuce. Those tomatoes. Those cucumbers. He didn't say. That's a little green thing.

That's a little. Some sort of leafy green thing. That's a leafy green thing. They were. There was no cucumbers or tomatoes there. There was going to be cucumbers and tomatoes there.

But he knew. What he was growing. And so some of us need to realize. I have. I have a three-year-old. And a six-year-old.

Little boys. I'm not raising little boys. I have little boys. I'm raising men. I'm helping equip and train them. To send them out into the world.

So there's a little chart that. I drew up. I hope this is helpful. This chart is not a joke. You have responsibility on this side. The blue line is the parent.

The red line is the child. And this is time. At the very beginning of life. The parent has all the responsibility. Or 90% of the responsibility. Like when they're first born.

The parent is solely responsible for the life of this child. I have a. I have a two and a half year old. Three year old. He every once in a while go. Ma.

Milk. Okay. He cannot go to the store and purchase milk. He cannot. Once we've done this. Get it out of the refrigerator.

If I got the thing out of the refrigerator. And handed it to him. He could not pour it into a cup. Most of the responsibility is on us. The one bit of responsibility we've given him. Is repeat after me.

May I please. Have some milk. Because ma. Milk. Isn't getting milk. But then.

We keep going. The child gets a little bit older. And you start. The child has more responsibility. More ability to make decisions. Maybe they still have a bedtime.

And maybe. They get to choose kind of their haircut. But it's inside of a range. They get to choose. Kind of how they're going to dress. But.

No young lady. You are not leaving the house in that outfit. She found a guard rail. There was something you'd put up. That was like. No.

We've reached the level. Where my responsibility comes back in. And no thank you. Go back upstairs. Like. But you're equipping.

And training them. So that when they become. When it's time to send them out. It keeps going. But by the time it's time to send them out.

They're ready. They have the responsibility. To handle going out. Now some of you. You've been in life. You've seen this.

You watched parents. Who gave way too much responsibility. To the child. Way too early. 10 and 11 year olds. Getting to make.

Too many decisions. And there's foolishness. In their heart. And so they're making. The decisions. That a 10 and 11 year old.

Would make. And we've also seen. Parents who. Held on to this. Way too long. So that they had someone.

That they had been. Completely responsible for. Until it was like. 17, 18. And they sent him out. Into the world.

And that person. Had never had. The ability to make. All these decisions. And it was. It was too much.

Another way to think about this. Is. You're always walking. The tension between. Safe and strong. Am I making my child safe.

Or am I making my child strong. You start off. Leaning real hard. On safe. But by the time.

You're sending them out. You need to have made them strong. And so this is. General. We're training them up. So that they might.

Go. It keeps going. He says. Verse 3. Let not steadfast love. And faithfulness.

Forsake you. Bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God.

And man. I love verse 4. So that you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God. And man.

He started off with. Remember my teaching. And my commandment. Remember the coaching I gave you. The things that I taught you. About the world.

And remember the rules I gave you. The commandments I gave you. The structure we put around you. And then he gets to here and says. Or she does. We don't know.

It just says my son. So you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God and man. Oh I hope that's true. For how I raise my sons.

I hope I can look at them. And say hey. If you follow what I told you. If you listen to me. And the rules. And the commands I gave you.

And the wisdom I gave you. You'll find favor. And good success. In the sight of God. And man. That the purpose behind parenting.

As we train and equip them. Is for their good. Parents this is important. It's not for your good. It's not for what's easiest right now. That often is in direct contradiction.

To what is good for the child. It's not for what I most like. So whether or not they're embarrassing me. Or getting on my nerves. It's what is good for them. That if they follow this.

They'll have favor with God. And man. Let's look. At the favor with God part. The favor with man part first. The favor with God comes first.

We're going to spend a little more time on it. But we're going to do the favor with man first. There's this idea. That you would go and have favor with man. Part of the reason you're raising your children. Is you want them to be able to go keep a job.

Have relationships. Communicate clearly to people. Have boundaries. Be able to have real friendships. That can last through something. Learn how to argue.

Learn how to control their anger. You want them to have favor. And good success with humanity. This does not mean. That they would base their whole life off. Of whether or not people like them.

You're not teaching them. That the approval of people around them. Is what they set their hope on. But you are teaching them. To live around other humans. That's part of what we're supposed to do.

There's a clinical psychiatrist. We're going to read two quotes from him today. His name is Jordan Peterson. And he's just approaching this. Very practical. His philosophy behind parenting.

Is you help them fit into society. And I think this quote is helpful. He says this. He says. You shouldn't have a ton of rules for your children. But here are some suggestions on things you should teach them.

Do not bite. Kick. Or hit. Except in self-defense. Do not torture and bully other children. So you don't end up in jail.

Eat in a civilized and thankful manner. So that people are happy to have you at their house. And pleased to feed you. Learn to share. So other kids will play with you.

Pay attention when spoken to by adults. So that they don't hate you. And might therefore deign to teach you something. Go to sleep properly and peaceably. So that your parents can have a private life.

And not resent your existence. Take care of your belongings. Because you need to learn how. And because you're lucky to have them. Be good company when something fun is happening. So you're invited for the fun.

Act or behave. So that other people are happy you're around. So that people will want you around. He says a child who knows these rules. Will be welcome everywhere. Now the responsibility of that.

Is on the parent. Not the child. And part of the way you're gracious to your child. Is that you train them. So that the rest of the world smiles at them.

And enjoys them. Because it's not a child's fault. If everybody in their life looks at them like this. Because they hadn't been taught. You want to send them out into the world. Where you've equipped them.

To be able to fit in. Now that's not the sole goal. But that's a helpful thought. That you would help move them. Into a world where they can have favor with God. And man as they get older.

This is learning how to keep a job. Learning how to work. Learning how to labor. Learning how to keep your mouth shut. Learning when to speak. When not to speak.

Learning not to domineer a conversation. You're helping train and equip them. Which takes constant teaching. And correction. It takes commandments and wisdom. Which means you need to know wisdom.

As parents we need to grow. So that what we're teaching our children. Makes sense and is helpful. Is biblical and godly. He says this. He says that you'd have favor with God.

And man. He keeps going. He says trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him. And he will make your.

Make straight your path. This idea that you would have favor with God. That you would know God. That you would enjoy God. That he would bless and work in your life. And he says trust in him.

With all your heart. See as parents. You need to know the Lord. So that this just pours out of you. So that you can say with credibility.

Trust in the Lord. Lean not on your own understanding. Because they've seen this. Enacted and lived out. That's what Deuteronomy 6 gets at. Where it says that.

When you rise in the morning. When you sit down to eat. When you walk in the way. When you go to bed. That you would teach your children. About the Lord.

That it would be the normal part of life. That it wouldn't be set aside. For a certain part of the day. Yes you can have intentional time. Where you set aside. We're going to read a Bible story.

We're going to talk. We're going to pray together. But that you would so know the Lord. That this pours out of you. As you walk in life with them. That you would train them.

To trust in the Lord. With all their heart. That they might grow to love the Lord. And isn't this what you would want. As a Christian parent. That you would walk with your children.

And help easily transition them. Into walking with the Lord. That that would be the hope. Now again. This doesn't always work out. The way we want it.

That train of the child. And the way they should go. And when they're old. They won't depart from it. As a general rule. It's something to be aimed at.

But it doesn't necessarily work out that way. We also get in the Proverbs. That fools don't listen to their parents. So the parent was saying stuff. The father was giving instruction. But they wouldn't hear it.

But this is the hope. It says. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord. And turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh.

And refreshment to your bones. Do you model that for your children? That you're not wise in your own eyes. That you fear the Lord. And that you turn away from evil. That you turn away from sin.

That you repent in your sin. And that you help walk them towards the Lord. Jump down to verse 11. It says. My son. Do not despise the Lord's discipline.

Or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves. As the father, the son, in whom he delights. There's this picture of the way God treats us. And the way parents are to treat their children. I don't know if you know this.

But parents. You work as a functional stand in for God. Your children cannot understand the concept of God. When they are young. They are growing. You are trying to teach them.

But you are functionally standing in that place. So that they can understand this. And if you have grown older. And you have begun to follow the Lord. You know this. Because some of you had very distant.

Cold. Aggressive fathers. Distant. Cold. Aggressive mothers. And it was hard to pray to the Lord.

It was hard to understand how he would react to you in your sin. Some of you had overly encouraging parents. And it was hard to see how God could be strict against sin. When you had been taught that freedom was the primary goal of life. And we had to grow in this. But the hope as parents is that we would walk with the Lord.

And walk with our children. That we would hold their hand until it was time to hand their hand to Jesus. And then we'd be able to say like this one says. Go. And if you follow the Lord this will be good. But it says the Lord reproves those whom he loves.

The way a father does a son he delights in. God's correction of you. Don't miss this. God's correction and conviction of you is because he loves you. Thank God he loves you enough. To not let you feel okay with your sin.

To press you on it. To tell you to repent. And to when you won't repent. Get you caught. Because he loves and pursues delight. So he says don't despise the Lord's discipline.

Or be weary of his reproof. And those are two tools. This idea of correction and guidance. That parents have an idea of where they're taking their children. And that we're walking with them in correction and guidance. And so I want to see.

That's our goal. To have children that grow up. Love the Lord. And exist in the world well. That's a good basic goal. That they have favor and good success with God and man.

That you're taking them to that place. Where they're ready to do that. And the way that you get there. Is discipline and reproof. Correction. Teaching.

Commandment. Discipline does not just mean the negative side of it. It does not just mean. A switch. It also means the general guardrails. And the general structure of life.

That helps pull somebody in the right direction. So we're going to spend the next little bit of our time. If that's the goal. We're going to look at some of the tools. And some of the ways that this is supposed to work. So godly discipline has direction.

We've been talking about this. But that's a general rule that you need to understand. If you're going to raise children with godly discipline. You have direction. You have something you're working them towards. And you have things you're working them away from.

And in some ways. There's a map towards good relationship to the Lord. Good relationship in the world. Able to exist and function in the world. And you're trying to cut off certain avenues. To help get them that way.

It's intentional for their good. This is what God's doing. Where he corrects us and pulls us towards good. And so you need to have a general idea. If you have daughters. Of what a godly woman looks like.

A general picture in your mind. Of what life should look like for them. What they need to be prepared for in the world. How they need to act. And you need to gain a lot of this from scripture. And you can gain this from wisdom from people around you.

But then you help. This is where I'm trying to take you. If you have sons. What do godly men look like? What do they need to be prepared to do? And to handle?

Where are we going? And you can do short term ones. One of the basic. Very basic beginning steps here. Is that good behavior gets good results. And bad behavior gets bad results.

That's how life works. But that's a really good simple rule. For your understanding of how to interact with your children. Especially small children. But on up.

Good behavior gets good results. Bad behavior gets bad results. I want my family to be able to go eat in restaurants. Which means. The first three to five times. You take a child to a restaurant.

It is no fun at all. Not fun for anybody. But we're going to get to where we can go eat in a restaurant. So let me give you an example. Good behavior gets good results. Bad behavior gets bad results.

You have a child that's functioning like a terrorist. In a high chair. It's really what they're doing. They're going to see who's going to win. And just so you all know. And this just gives you encouragement.

Parents with young children. 30 minutes to you. Is like a week and a half to a toddler. You can win. They're going to give out eventually. And they may just fall asleep.

But you can win this. But if you have a child that's in a high chair. And they're throwing a fit. And they're screaming and hollering or whatever. And you're getting embarrassed. Because you brought a child here to now.

Not only terrorize your family. But everybody who's in this restaurant. Which I would encourage you to start out at McDonald's. Because you're getting what you pay for at McDonald's. Go to McDonald's. Go to Taco Bell.

Teach a kid how to sit in a high chair. Don't go to, you know. Downtown to like Ruth's Chris or something. If I take the child out of the high chair. And outside while they're screaming. And then set them down.

And let them run around in the grass. That is a reward. I just taught the child. If you're in a high chair. And you don't want to be. Scream.

And you'll get a reward. So if I pick a child up. And we're going outside. That's going to be unpleasant for that child. I want them to learn. The high chair is better.

And I talk to them. And explain that we're going back in there. They're going to sit back down. They're going to calm themselves down. And we're going to enjoy our meal. And yes.

You talk to children that can't talk. They understand way more of what's going on. Before they're able to articulate things. So you explain to them. You go back in. You set them back in the chair.

And I do this over and over again. Until finally they learn. There's never a time where I go out there. And it gets delightful. And so that's a sample. But you do this.

You have a picture of where you're going. I can remember being young. I was like 11 or something. And I think it was a roller coaster. I know I was freaking out about something. I didn't want to do.

And I had gotten scared. And I was just like. I can't. I don't know. I can't. I can't do this.

And my dad. He didn't grab me and say. Roller coasters are fun. You need to be able to learn how to ride a roller coaster. He didn't look at me and say. This is fine.

If you're scared. You can stop. Now I'm sure some parents have done that. And I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm saying my dad had a picture in his head. Of where he was taking me.

And he did this my entire life. He grabbed me and looked at me. And said. Let me explain something to you. Are you scared? Yes.

Okay. Well you have to learn how to control yourself. In the midst of your fear. Because one day. You're going to have a family. And you're going to have children.

You're going to wake up in the middle of the night. And your house is going to be on fire. And you're going to be scared. Now are you going to freak out. And say I can't handle this. Or are you going to go save your children?

I rode that roller coaster. I rode that roller coaster. To save my future unborn children. Now am I a hero? Maybe. He did this in all earnestness.

He was not trying to manipulate me. He had in his picture of a place that he was taking me. And he did this all the time with us. He had in his head. I want you to be able to control your fear. And be able to move and act.

He wanted me to grow up. And I've learned at some point. If I follow this man and keep doing what he's doing. If I listen to him and obey. Eventually I'll be able to hold down a job. I'll be able to fight a dog.

I'll be able to handle. Like he's going to train me. Be able to pick up a snake. Whatever. Like he's going to coach me up on things to do in life. Do you need a picture in your head?

And you need to help your children get there. So godly discipline has direction. Godly discipline is loving. Godly discipline is loving. That you do this because you love your children. Proverbs 13 24 says.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Now culturally this feels backwards to us. So we've got to take just a second to talk this out. Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But whoever loves him is diligent to discipline him.

And that word rod means rod. But there's a caveat. I'm going to explain in a second. But it does mean rod. Proverbs 26 3 says. A whip for the horse.

A bridle for the donkey. And a rod for the back of fools. They came to people. They didn't do as much with jails. You did something. They hit you with a stick.

It says that it helps. The Proverbs tells us this is good for people. It also functions in the way that the New Testament talks about the government has the sword. This is a helpful thing to understand. The government has the sword. Which means the government has the military.

The government has the ability to enforce the regulations that it gives us. It does not mean that the government always uses the sword. Yeah I was late on my taxes. So the IRS stabbed me. That's not how it works. But I know that if I keep pressing I can get to the sword.

And so when it talks about that parenting has the rod. It means this rod of discipline is up to and including a rod. Whatever is necessary until you get there. Some of you have very well mannered calm children. A stern look works. Snapping your finger works.

They sit right back down. They didn't want to disappoint you. I have two sons. One of them. A little bit of aggression towards him. Just like sit down.

It works. My older son growled at me on a regular basis. It didn't work. He's like oh you're going to snap your finger? Fine. I can throw a train.

Now what? So it means do what works. Now there's this tendency to say well we've seen studies. Studies show that this is harmful. Studies show that if parents spank their children it makes them aggressive. I spent some time researching this.

If this is a thing that you want to talk about I'd love to talk with you more about it. I can't give it a ton of time. I will tell you this. There is disagreement about that. Both in how the studies were handled. And in general whether or not this is helpful.

Amongst professionals. There's a lot of articles that go back and forth. And if you get on like the American Association of Psychology. Psychology there's a bunch of information going back and forth about how this should be handled. Some of the things is that there's a correlation versus causation when they do these studies. So correlation versus causation.

Causation means you do this therefore this happens. Correlation means we see these two things held together. So if you said there's a link between sadness and alcohol abuse. That does not tell us whether or not alcohol abuse makes you sad. Or being sad makes you abuse alcohol. Like I just said I have two sons.

I've done my own study. There is a link between aggression and being spanked. There just there is in my house. It's not necessarily that spanking made one aggressive. It just is. It doesn't necessarily prove that.

Now it could. But there's some. The studies are still out on this. There's also a thing about magnitude. Which is how big of a deal. I read an article that said that studies show that corporal punishment increases the rate of when children grow up in mental disorders and abuse of different substances.

And so I clicked on the links and went all the way through. And the study when it said corporal punishment included it was children who had on a regular basis had been slapped, pinched, pushed, jerked, shaken, spanked. And it was like that's a huge category. That's a whole different thing than just what the Proverbs is talking about here. If you think for one second after reading the book of Proverbs which calls us to be thoughtful. Be measured.

Be wise. Be calm. Control your anger. Keep your mouth shut when you're upset. Think things through. If you think for a second that it all of a sudden went oh wait wait wait wait wait.

Not when you're parenting. Get a stick and go to town. Shout, shake, slap, pinch. Whatever you got to do. Beat the snot out of those children. You've missed probably.

It's not saying that. It is saying reasoned, measured, gracious discipline for the sake of joy and life and hope for them. I want to read a quote quickly from Jordan Peterson about this. When he talks about magnitude he says, What about the idea, he's a clinical psychiatrist, that hitting a child merely teaches them to hit? First, no, wrong. Too simple.

For starters, hitting is a very unsophisticated word to describe the disciplinary act of an effective parent. If hitting accurately described the entire range of physical force, then there would be no difference between rain droplets and atom bombs. Magnitude matters. So does context. If we're not being willfully blind and naive about the issue. How hard someone is hit, why they are hit, cannot merely be ignored when speaking of hitting.

Timing, which is part of context, is also of crucial importance. If you flick your two-year-old with your finger just after he smacks the baby on the head with a wooden block, he will get the connection and be at least somewhat less willing to smack her again in the future. That seems like a good outcome. He certainly won't conclude that he should hit her more using the flick of his mother's finger as an example. He's not stupid. He's just jealous, impulsive, and not very sophisticated.

And how else are you going to protect his younger sibling? If you discipline ineffectively, the baby will suffer, maybe for years. I'm not saying every child needs to get spanked. I'm not saying every child needs to get spanked every time. I think there are spankable offenses and non-spankable offenses. And I think the way you go about it needs to be calm and reasoned and in the envelope of love because that's the point.

And so if you'll go with me for a second that it's not necessarily harmful, the next question is how is it loving? The reason it's loving is that there are real-world consequences for sin and foolishness. And they are often delayed, especially for children. Real-world consequences for sin and foolishness often delayed, especially for children. There are times when some amount of physical force now is helpful to prevent what was going to happen. We were hanging out with my group.

My son, who was two at the time, started running headlong towards a fire pit. I was too far away to help. Another lady jumped up, knocked him to the ground. Under normal circumstances, if my son had just been playing and she had jumped up and knocked my son to the ground, seems inappropriate. Under these circumstances, I was like, good looking out, thanks. She could have gone Cobra Kai on him and swept the leg.

I'd have been fine with it. He was headed towards something worse. And this is what parenting is. It's bringing in consequences to help train and equip because the future gets worse. If you have a child, it starts young. It goes on.

But most of my examples are young because I only have a six-year-old. We'll talk again in a minute about some older kids. But if you have a child who wants a cookie, they start by pouting. We don't want to encourage that behavior. So if a dog bites you and then you give it a treat, you teach it to bite you.

So it's pouting, so it's not going to get a cookie. Tries whining. We're correcting that as well. Suddenly just decides, let's try domineering. Let's see how this works.

So my son would just yell, Give me a cookie. Pause. He's a child. He's trying all the things that he can try to get what he wants. It's not unreasonable. But I can see the future.

I know what happens. Long term, short term, what's going to happen if this works? Short term, he doesn't get to go to the zoo. And that's not a natural consequence. That's not a punishment. What I'm saying is there will be a day when his mom has some time off and thinks maybe we should go to the zoo.

And then she will consider the behavior of her child. And she will think, getting him in a car seat, getting him into the zoo, getting him to come to me when I call, getting him to sit still, getting him to not throw a fit when he sees ice cream, getting him to leave when it's time to leave, getting him back in the car seat. No, thank you. And she might grow to resent him or have to fight the fact that she's resenting him. It's not his fault. It's our fault.

It's not just that. When he's 10, if we keep this going, his granddaddy won't want to take him fishing. Same reasons. It's not just that. He'll have a harder time in school. He'll have a harder time with friends.

When he grows up, he might become a really nice domineering husband if he was able to domineer his mom his entire life. Now, I can see that he can't. There might be a time where he grows to need to hear the discipline of the Lord, but he can't. He won't. He rejects it. He does not learn to love discipline.

He has not seen how it would benefit him or grow fruit in his life. And so he cannot repent. He cannot follow the Lord well. He can't see that I can. And so what we do is we bring consequences closer that are smaller so that we never get to the ones that are further away and bigger. That's why it's loving.

So it says, 23, 13, do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. The purpose of parental discipline is not just for this life, but it is for helping them grow to hate sin, to love correction, to love discipline, to see it's good in their life so that they might one day follow and submit to the Lord in obedience. It is loving to do the hard work of keeping your children away from sin and difficulty. Godly discipline is loving.

Godly discipline requires diligence. That's what it says, that a father who loves his child is diligent to discipline him. Having children is a lot of work. That's why the Lord graciously made them very sleepy so that you can take a break. There's a lot of work and it takes consistency. And it takes consistency.

Parents of young children, it takes consistency in places where it matters. Where it doesn't matter so that it will be consistent where it does matter. Your life with your children should have guardrails, not booby traps. Some of us, you only put the booby trap out in public. But at home, they get to do whatever they want.

They get out in public and suddenly it matters because we're near roads or we're embarrassed because people are around. And all of a sudden, you're just like a pit of vipers attacking your child who's very surprised by this because it's never happened before. One of the reasons why my children have to... When I start off with little kids, I need come when I call you, sit, stay, roll over. The last one's a joke, but the first one are real. Close your mouth because there's going to come a time when I need all of those.

You're going to be running towards the road and I need you to know come when I call you. We're going to be out in public. Your mom is going to be trying to get you. I'm going to need you to know come when I call. I'm going to need you to know sit, stay. I'm going to need you to know how to do these things.

That it requires diligence though because when we're at the house and I'm sitting on the couch and I tell my son to come to me and he takes off running down the hall because he doesn't want to. Oh my goodness, it's so much easier. I kind of wanted him to leave anyway. Okay. But the rules have to be the same.

Next time you're in a grocery store and you see a mom counting down for her child, I can tell you on second two or three whether or not there's going to be anything that happens at five or whatever. One. Two. Kid doesn't even recognize this. You watch a mom count up to five. All right, I'm going to count again.

What does that do? You watch a kid when their mom says one and they go two, their little hands are like, ah, it's like, okay, something happens at three. That kid doesn't want to see it. I'm not sure I want to see it. It takes diligence. Parents with older children, this takes more work.

You have to be more creative. It works better if you start sooner, but it takes more work. You have to be more creative. You have a daughter who lies to you. She said she was going to be somewhere. She went somewhere else.

She's misusing how she's handling her cell phone. Well, you know that lying causes consequences. You know that sin causes consequences. You know that if we keep going down this path, things get worse. You've lived longer than they have. So now you've got to bring some consequences closer.

But you've got to do things that you're willing to follow through with. You will never own a cell phone again. It's probably not an appropriate, like, are you going to follow through with that? They'll know. But maybe you say, for the next week, you're not allowed out of my sight.

Your world's going to get a lot smaller because that's what happens if you lie. Where there's trust, your world's very big. Where there's a lack of trust, your world's very small. So if I'm in the bathroom or you're in the bathroom, you don't have to be in my sight. Otherwise, we're best friends. But you have to pick things you want to follow through with.

If you're a parent of little kids and they're acting up at a place, don't yell, we will never return to a park ever again. Is that true? If you don't want to leave the park, don't say, I'll get you in the car right now. Only do that one if you want to leave. Otherwise, sit on your hands next to that tree. Watch other kids have fun.

Learn that if you control how you act, you get to have fun too. All right. Godly discipline requires diligence. You have to work really hard at it constantly. They have to be the same all the time. It can't be based off of whether or not you're tired, whether or not you've had a bad day, whether or not you're frustrated, whether or not they've pushed you to the limit.

And the truth is consistent discipline on the front end keeps you from being meaner to your children on the back end. You suddenly jump up and go, I'm sick of you. Oh, my goodness. No, for real. It's a four year old. And they're just doing whatever you're letting them do.

Don't let them get to where you're sick of them. Correct them on the front end so that it's enjoyable. That's the next point. Godly discipline fosters delight. Discipline your son and he will give you rest. He will give delight to your heart.

But part of the reason you do this is so that there will be joy. And some of you are disciplinarians. I lean that way. I don't know if you could tell. Some of you are disciplinarians. You've been eating this up.

You're like, yeah, say the rod again. Does your house have delight? Because there's a real temptation for you to be the type of boss. You ever had the boss that would just fuss at you when you were doing poorly and then leave you alone if you were doing fine? Do you like that boss? Do your children need to live in that household?

Be quiet. Sit down. And on days when they're being quiet and sitting down, cool. No, this is to foster delight. This is to foster joy. There's a consistent amount of times where I walk in my house.

I don't know where my boys are and kind of hear them down the hall and I go like this. I don't do that when I'm out here with them because it's weird, you guys. But I do it at the house. I chase them down. We wrestle. We roll on the floor.

We play games. I'm teaching them how to behave so that we can have more fun. You behave. You learn how to control yourself. We get to play more games. We get to do more things.

I help explain this to them the whole time. You don't just correct to the bad behavior, but you tell them what good behavior gets and you help model it. You help get them there. There are times where I have to spank my son and I explain to him, you're going to get spanked. Then I'm going to hug you because I love you.

And then we're going to go back out and play. The fun is going to start right back up. You couldn't do the behavior that you did, but we're going to get back out there. This isn't going to mess up our whole day. I'm not mad at you. We're going to move on.

There's got to be delight. That's what you're pursuing with your children, that they would be enjoyed. And that they would enjoy life with you. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves as a father, the son in whom he delights. God corrects us, convicts us, pursues us so that we might have love and delight.

Do not reject his discipline. And parents, do not reject this call for you to help your children live in this kind of life as well. Do not hate your children. Love them. Be diligent to discipline them and pursue delight with them so that they might understand how God works. And some of you had very bad fathers and some of you had very bad mothers.

And I want you to know this is God's approach to you. He is not mad at you, trying to crush you, trying to get you to keep you from being on his nerves. He's trying to invite you into delight. And we know this because of Christ. Christ came, the first words out of his mouth were not, I love you. They were repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

He comes to us and corrects us in our sin and then goes to the cross to pay for our sin and to invite us into joy and delight and love for all of eternity. Oh, praise God that he stands in the way of us in hell. Praise God that he corrects us in our sin. There's a, in the Pinocchio, the little kid's cartoon, I don't know about the real one, but the, all the kids go to a little, like a park and they get to do everything they've ever wanted to. And then they turn into donkeys. Wink, wink, donkeys.

And Pinocchio is teaching us something. That the people who are leading them that way do not love them. God keeps you from going to the park. God pops your hand. God pulls you back. God corrects you.

God puts you on restriction. God puts up boundaries. Why? Because he loves you. And he wants to delight for you. And he wants to delight with you.

And by his grace, we will parent the same way. The band's going to come back up. We're going to sing and we're going to praise this God who corrects us in our sin because he loves us. We're going to sing and we're going to praise this God who loved us so much and pursued our delight so much that he was willing to die that we might have it rather than what we wanted. We're going to praise God in Christ because he is the one who redeems and loves and pursues. And by God's grace, we're going to grow as parents to love our children with the discipline and the diligence and the grace and the teaching that it takes and the effort that it takes to train them well to be able to live in the world God created and to enjoy him.

Let's pray. God, we thank you for your grace. We ask you for your help. We thank you that you correct us in our sin and may we not hate it, but may we love it so that we might have love and delight and joy with you. Help us to grow as parents, to walk in grace where we fail, and to put forth effort to train and equip our children well. In Jesus' name, amen.

Would you guys sing and sing with us? Amen.

Wisdom's Guide to Folly (Proverbs 1:20-33)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. We're walking through entire books of the Bible verse by verse. Proverbs is arranged differently, so we're going to approach it a little bit differently. Last week and this week are going to kind of set the series up for us, and then we'll go topic by topic because the Proverbs may say 30 sayings about wealth, but they're not going to be together, or 30 sayings about relationships, but they won't be together, but we're going to kind of approach them topic by topic as we continue. But this morning, we're going to do our best to listen to the Proverbs, listen to Lady Wisdom as she's personified in chapter 1, and get out of our own way to change our attitude so that the book of Proverbs might actually be helpful to us.

If you'll look in Proverbs chapter 1, we're going to pick up in verse 20, and we're going to see that Lady Wisdom's calling out to us, and we're approaching these Proverbs where we're getting godly insight in how to live and how to pursue what is ultimately good, but this part in chapter 1, verse 20, begins as a warning. So we read the first seven verses last week, and we looked at the general theme of Proverbs, that we would fear the Lord, that we would submit to Him, that we would humble ourselves, and this kind of idea continues in chapter 1, and so let's pray, and then we'll pick up in verse 20 together. God, we thank You for Your Word. We thank You for Christ, who is the ultimate wisdom of God who came to pursue us, so that as we're invited to pursue wisdom in the Proverbs, we know that ultimately in Your wisdom You pursued us, and so we pray that we would walk in those two truths well together as we study the book of Proverbs, that we needed You to pursue us, but You call us to grow in wisdom as we follow You.

We love You, and we praise You in Jesus' name. Amen. So verse 20 says, Wisdom cries aloud in the street. In the markets, she raises her voice. At the head of the noisy streets, she cries out. At the entrance of the city gates, she speaks.

I find this extremely encouraging because Lady Wisdom goes out in public and yells. We need that. It doesn't say wisdom is in a mountain cave. Best of luck to you. Go hide from society and find it. No, she's come out into the world, and she's calling to anyone who will listen.

She's seeking us. It's very helpful. Verse 22, How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing, and fools hate knowledge? This, again, is encouraging. She comes out, and she begins to yell it for the simple ones and the scoffers and the fools to listen.

What's encouraging about this is that in the next verse, and we're going to spend most of our time in verse 22, but in the next verse, she says, If you'll just turn, if you'll just listen to me, that wisdom and our rejection of wisdom is based off of our attitude and our outlook rather than our mental ability. Amen. Praise the Lord. That's good news. Because you have control over your attitude. You have control over your outlook.

We don't have control over our mental ability. We said this last week, that there are people who are brilliant, and the Proverbs would call them foolish. And there are people who are uneducated, but they're wise. And it's not about our mental ability, but our approach, because those who are simple, those who are scoffers, and those who are fools are invited to change. They're invited to turn. And so that's good news for us.

Much of the Proverbs work like this. This is just, says, that's bad. That's good. Here's a picture. That's a lot of the way the Proverbs work. This is what a fool does.

This is what a wise person does. Pick one. Fools wake up with their backs hurting in the morning. Wise people look goofy, but walk fine. That's the way the Proverbs work. There's much of the Proverbs that are just going to say, this is what a fool does.

This is what a wise person does. And it invites us to learn that and to act accordingly. There was a groundbreaking documentary that was done some years back on the American workplace. It was called The Office. If you're not familiar, that's a sitcom. But in The Office, there's a character named Dwight, and he loves his boss.

And one of the earliest interactions with him in the show is his boss looks at him and says, what's the best piece of advice I ever gave you? And Dwight, in all earnestness, looks at him and says, don't be an idiot. Changed my life. And then it shows him talking to the camera, and he goes, whenever I'm about to do something, I ask myself, would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing. That's how the Proverbs work.

They say, idiots do this. Wise people do this. And they're giving us a gauge. Rather than us trying to figure that out on our own, using our own wisdom to discern what's wise and good, the Proverbs help us. They coach us up. And then we get to know when you're about to respond to someone.

Would a fool do that? Would a wise person do that? How would a wise person handle the situation? And you get to change and model after it. It's very encouraging and helpful. And so we're going to look at these three people, the simple, the scoffer, and the fool, and try to understand how we can get in our way.

It's in verse 22. How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and the fools hate knowledge? We're going to spend our time looking at those three this morning and trying to see pictures of what do simple people look like, what do scoffers look like, and what do fools look like. And this does not mean if you fit into one of these categories, it doesn't mean that you're unintelligent. But any one of us at any time can join the ranks of the simple.

Any one of us at any time can join the ranks of the scoffer. And we can only do it in certain areas. You might be brilliant when it comes to work. And a complete fool when it comes to parenting. You might be brilliant when it comes to handling your personal finances, but you're a fool in relationships. And so we want to understand what the simple, what the fool, and what the scoffer look like so that we might change our behavior.

We might turn. Because that's the invitation that Lady Wisdom is giving. Okay. The simple. We'll start there. How long?

Meaning, when will you stop this? How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? The simple, chapter 14, verse 15, says this. The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thoughts to his steps. So the simple and the prudent are held up against each other.

The primary distinction is thoughtfulness or thoughtlessness. Do you give consideration? Do you give thought to what you're doing? Or do you just roll along, believing whatever you're told, believing whatever you see? The simple love being simple. Because being simple is easy.

It's not difficult to be simple. It's actually kind of nice. You don't have to labor over things. We can hear something and say, well, that sounds good. Okay. And we listen to something else and go, well, that sounds good.

Okay. And some of us change positions all the time based off of the last thing we heard, but we never take the time to really consider what's in front of us. Recently, we had the COVID vaccine. We still have the COVID vaccine. And there's a lot of things that people had to say about the COVID vaccine. Was it good?

Was it bad? Was it helpful? Was it a government conspiracy? I saw a thing that said, you know, COVID vaccine is how the government's going to track you. Now, somebody said, don't say that with a straight face if you have a cell phone in your pocket. But there was a lot to be said about it.

And then there was a lot to be said about each one. And I postponed even considering it. I just was too tired. I didn't want to think about it. I had other things to think about. So I just didn't think about it and didn't get one.

I just waited because I didn't want to think. And that's simple. To just say, I don't want to think. Another way to be simple would just be, well, what does this person say? Hey, cool, I'll go with what they said. This person's kind of thoughtful.

They thought through something for me. I'll go with what they said. Now, it's foolish, and we'll get there later, to never listen to the thoughts of others and never listen to the correction of others. But to just go with whatever you hear, to believe whatever you hear, is simple. That idea rolls into this next verse. It says, whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.

Therefore, do not associate with a simple babbler. Just talking. Just saying whatever's in your head. Just saying whatever you've heard. In the movie Pirates of the Caribbean, one of the pirates looks at Johnny Depp's character and says, that ship's the Black Pearl, and it's piloted by ghosts, and they come into places and they kill everyone. They always leave no survivors.

And Johnny Depp looks back at him and says, no survivors. I wonder where the stories come from. I love that part of that movie because I had flashbacks about me in middle school and high school repeating something to my dad and him immediately just poking a hole in it because I had given it no consideration. That he would just say something. It was like, oh, I hadn't thought about that at all. I'm just repeating what I've heard.

And guys, this matters. Because how tempted are we to do this when it comes to political things that we hear about the other party? How tempted are we to do this on Facebook where you see something and it enrages you? And rather than looking into it to see whether or not it's true, you just repost it. How often are we to just be a simple, slanderous babbler because we're just repeating what is said? And this matters for Christians.

Because I don't know if you know this, but much of the world already thinks we're simple. Let's not promote that idea further by not considering the things that we repeat and looking into whether or not things are true. Truth matters to us. It should matter to us. And so we should learn to not just repeat what we hear, but to consider our ways. And it says this, the prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

So the simple don't think ahead. They don't like to think. The prudent thinks ahead. The prudent gives thought to what's going on. But the simple in general is just an avoidance of thought.

Going along with the crowd. Truth is, if you're simple and you're in a good crowd, that'll work out okay for you. If you're simple and you're in a bad crowd, that won't work out very well for you. But the invitation from Lady Wisdom is to stop being simple and begin giving consideration and thought to what you are doing. The next one that we'll look at is the scoffer. It says, how long will scoffers delight in their scoffing?

Chapter 21, verse 24 and 29.8 tell us this about scoffers. Scoffer is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who Acts with arrogant pride. And scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away from wrath. That word scoffer, another word for that is mocker. It's to be derisive. It's a false form of wisdom.

Because it makes you seem smart. By just poking holes in things. This is a current... You see this all over the place right now. The internet promotes this. We have whole fields of study now that are basically just scoffing.

If they're not handled correctly. We have deconstructionism, which is just taking things apart. Tearing things down. We have critical theory. And I'm not just being critical race theory. Critical theory, they have critical theory in all kinds of things.

But critical theory is just poking holes in things. And the reality is, some things need to be deconstructed. Some things need to be criticized. But if all we do is that, we just destroy, we never build back. There's a quote from Tim Keller. He says, we live in a post-modern age that encourages deconstruction.

And in an internet age that makes mocking and scoffing easy. And reasoned discourse difficult. Isn't that the truth? How often do we watch a news program and they just yell at each other? I watched a debate from the 1960s. It was delightful.

One person had a microphone at a time. The other person didn't have a microphone. The one person stood up and said, this is the point I'm going to prove. This is what I'm not trying to prove. And sat down. The other person walked up and said, this is the point I want to prove.

This is what I'm not trying to prove. And sat down. Then they went back and forth with arguments. And they attacked each other's arguments. Not each other's character. Or faces.

Or relations. Or whatever. They talked about the ideas. And it was not good television. But it was helpful if you wanted to understand what they were talking about.

But we don't promote that. If you'll scroll through your news feed. How many articles do you see that are 25 tweets that show how mad everybody's at Disney? This politician blasts that politician. Did you know that blasting someone is not an official thing that you can do in Congress? It just means said mean words about.

Well, neat. Did they do anything? Did they put forth any legislature? Are they moving forward with anything? We have these arguments all the time that we see things where it's this person puts this person in place with three scathing words. What are the words?

I love scoffing. Let me read this article. But isn't this the truth? It's easier to tear things down. It's easier to poke a hole in a person rather than an argument. And it's more enjoyable to participate in.

It says this in chapter 22, verse 10, 11, 12. It says, Drive out a scoffer and strife will go out. Quarreling and abuse will cease. Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Scoffing is like when you learned in middle school that one of the best ways to be cool was just to say that everything else was lame. Super easy.

Didn't have to take any positions. Didn't have to own anything. Didn't have to have any risk. Just say everything was dorky and lame and you became cool. Scoffing is the adult version of that. No real ideas.

Just mocking. It's a good way to seem smart. It's a false sense of pride. It's a shortcut to looking wise. Sorry, false sense of wisdom, not a false sense of pride. It's a straight up good sense of pride.

Shortcuts to looking wise. The cynical air. The inside joke. The size and feigned sadness about how stupid everyone is. This is Tim Keller again talking about this idea of being a scoffer. So here's the thing.

They delight in scoffing. Scoffing feels good. It does. It feels better than just having a position, than saying something positive. Announcing that you like vanilla ice cream. It's my favorite.

I don't have, Baskin Robbins doesn't need however many flavors. I walk in, I get vanilla. Vanilla in a cone. Sugar is my favorite. Any cone will work. They don't have cones, they have cups.

I'm fine. I just want vanilla. I don't even, I look at the stuff sometimes. Sometimes I don't. I just am like vanilla. I know what I want.

Beans, no beans. It's fine. Vanilla is good. Now, I don't feel particularly great saying that. But if you responded to me with vanilla, I bet you look so good in your pleated khakis eating your vanilla ice cream.

You would feel wonderful. There's some sense of just tearing something down that makes you feel better than just holding a position. Announcing what kind of music you like doesn't feel as good as looking at someone going, really? Well, there's some cats that fight each other in my neighborhood. I'll record that for you since that's the kind of music you like. There's something about delighting and scoffing that makes things more interesting or more heated or more whatever.

And it's foolishness. It does not help. We lack sense when we just tear people down and tear arguments down. I tear people down rather than engaging with actual arguments. It's also easier. It's easier to just shoot darts at something than to try to hold a position.

But it's unhelpful and it doesn't build up. Chapter 13, verse 1 and 15, 12 says, A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. A scoffer does not like to be reproved. He will not go to the wise. I love that. We'll look a little more at that when we look at the fools.

But I want to point out two things about scoffers. A scoffer does not listen to rebuke. A wise son hears his father's instruction. You ever been corrected or someone's arguing with you and you don't even listen to their argument? You just come up with your scathing retort? You don't even respond to their argument.

Someone points something out about you and you say, Yeah, well, I bet you handle everything in your life perfectly. I saw how you and you just bring up something completely unrelated. That's scoffing. Rather than listening to the point they made and considering, Is this true? Should I take this? The other thing is they don't like to be reproved, So they will not go to the wise.

Have you ever said, I would talk to them, But I already know what they're going to say? I bring this up in my group, But I know what they're going to say. Probably some really helpful things. That you probably need to hear. And just knowing what they're going to say versus hearing what they're going to say is very different. And it's a scoffing position to reject potential help and guidance.

Rather than to receive it. And it's unwise. And Lady Wisdom invites us to turn. All right. Let's look at fools.

Verse 22. And fools hate knowledge. Okay. So the simple enjoy being simple. The scoffers delight in scoffing. Fools just hate knowledge.

They just don't want to hear it. That's the primary thing that sets them apart. Is that they just, They don't want to participate in knowledge. That's foolish. And the fool gets a lot more treatment in the Proverbs. It's a broader category.

That kind of encompasses these others. But again, It's further down the line than being just simple. It's a position against learning. It's a position against growing. But the Proverbs give us kind of a full picture of the fool.

One of my favorite types of cartoons growing up was the Goofy cartoons. The Goofy cartoons, Goofy would teach you something. He'd teach you how to play baseball. He'd teach you how to ski. And there was always a voiceover, A very good soothing voice, Explaining it. And then Goofy was messing it up.

So the voice would be like, How to fish. The angler or fisherman chooses his bait and tackle wisely. And then you'd watch Goofy just, I mean, Destroying it. And it was excellent. I love those. That's a lot of the way the Proverbs work.

When it talks about the fool, It says, Here's what it should look like, But here's what a fool does with that. And it gives you those pictures. And it gives us this full profile of a fool. But fools cause trouble for themselves. They cause trouble for everyone near them. They cause trouble for their families, Their moms, Their dads, Their friends.

They choose sin. But one of the primary marks of a fool in the Proverbs Is that they trust themselves rather than others. This is chapter 28, 26, and 12, 15. Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, But he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man listens to advice. One of the misconceptions we have about wisdom Was if I was wise, I would know what to do right now.

Wise people talk to other people And listen to them. Fools know what to do right now. It's a fool who knows everything, How to handle every situation, Who is perfectly equipped for all things. It's a wise person who understands, I have limitations, I have things that I'm good at, And things I'm not good at, And I need some help. It's a wise person who goes and asks counsel From four or five different people, And considers it, And weighs it, And then makes a decision. It's a fool who, Even while people are trying to give them counsel, You can almost watch it bounce off their forehead.

And I know I've been that before. Someone's talking to me, And I'm like, And then I'm choosing to do something That is absolutely foolish. But the wise listen, They accept rebuke. The wise change and seek guidance. And I want you to know how encouraging that is. I think this is encouraging for everybody, But I see it specifically in young men, Who think one of the ways to be a man, And a real man is just to know what to do, And how to handle every situation.

That's foolish. Seek guidance. Ask for help. Get counsel. Find some people who you've seen in life, They've made wise decisions. Ask them questions.

That's the other thing. Ask people questions who are ahead of you. If you're 18, Don't ask all your 18 year old friends, How to do things. Ask someone who has already been 18, And done some good things, And some bad things. That's one of the reasons why we have community groups, That are mixed ages, And mixed genders, And all across the spectrum. So that we have some life, And some youth, And some wisdom, All packed in together, And we can grow together.

It says this, The wise of heart will receive commandments, But a babbling fool will come to ruin. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, But only in expressing his opinion. You ever had someone come ask you for advice, And then they talk to the whole time? Have you ever done that? Hey, I really need your help with this situation. And then you just run your mouth for 30 minutes.

Thanks, that was really helpful. Was it? I think you left with the information you already had. That's not a problem I have. I've never talked too much in a situation. But I'm sure it's caused some of you problems.

Honestly, one of the good first steps towards wisdom, Is to shut your mouth. Proverbs are going to say that over and over again. Just close your mouth. Just listen. Ask a question. Listen.

Ask more questions. Listen. Chapter 12, verse 15, verse 5. It says, Whoever loves discipline, Loves knowledge. But he who hates reproof is stupid.

A fool despises his father's instruction. But whoever heeds reproof is prudent. Again, Stupidity is not a state. You're not a victim of it. You choose it. So you can choose to be stupid, Or you can choose to be wise.

But you're the one who gets to pull that lever. But read that. Whoever loves discipline, Loves knowledge. Do we love discipline? Someone corrects us. Do you leave like, That was wonderful.

You have to train your soul to appreciate. That. We're inclined to hate reproof. That's correction or rebuke. That's someone calling us out. That's someone pointing us out.

That we did something poorly. Or that we failed. So the question here, For us to grow in wisdom, Is how do we handle critique, And correction, And rebuke? Do we grow from it? Or do we defend ourselves against it? Some of you will say, Well, They went about that all wrong.

You know, I don't mind taking correction, But the way they came at me, They attacked me. They were just mean about it. Maybe, Maybe, I would invite you to consider, Have you ever considered someone's correction, Done really, really well? They corrected me on a thing I was wrong about, And it just felt so good. Usually, Even if done well, It stings a little bit. It's just good for us.

The reality is, Many of you, Have people who have tried to coach you, Or people in life who are trying to coach you, And you treat them like critics, And dismiss them. But someone who is wise, Can take even a critic, And turn them into a coach. If you're going to grow, If your purpose is to grow in wisdom, And to change, And to be more healthy, And someone critiques you, Even if they go about it wrong, What does that matter? Are they right? Here's a good chance to grow. What does their tone matter?

Yeah, Maybe it made it a little worse, Maybe a little harder to heal, But sit and consider. Do you love correction? That's one of the, Proverbs says that, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, And profuse are the kisses of an enemy. But some of us, Our gauge is just, Are they, Are these wounds or kisses? Not who's it coming from? And what's their intent?

An enemy that kisses you, Is not kissing you for your own good. And a friend that is wounding you, Is not wounding you for your harm. But if your only gauge is, Did this hurt? Or did this feel nice? You are on your way towards foolishness. We have this idea that, Any criticism is bad.

If we disagree, You're toxic. You're bad for me. I need people who are going to uplift me. I need people who are going to, Co-sign whatever I do. I need people who are going to, Appreciate me and accept me. Yeah.

You need people who are going to love you. You need people who will celebrate, Things that are worth celebrating. You also need people who will grab you, And say that is wrong and bad. Stop it. Who love you enough to do that. Some of you, Have fought critique and criticism, And coaching so much, The people who love you won't do it anymore.

Oh bless your soul. If the people around you, Who care about you, Are not willing to risk anymore, Correcting you, Because you handle it so poorly, That is bad for you. Some of us today, The way we respond, Is we go back to the last few people, Who corrected us and coached us up, And say, I didn't listen and I am sorry. I just fought you. I just personally attacked you. That was foolish.

I need people around me, Who care enough about me, To tell me I am wrong. And if you have no one who will do that, You are not with people who love you. And if you are with friends, And you think that your only position, Is just to clap for whatever they do, You can clap, But you can't call that love. Because just supporting foolish things, Is not loving. But wisdom, Helps us learn from rebuke, And appreciate it.

And this is very important, As we start a series on Proverbs, Because it is going to say some things, You don't like. You know how much you like it, When someone comes and corrects you, On how you handle your money. You know how much you like it, When someone comes and says, I think you are parenting wrong. You know how good that is felt. Someone comes over to you, Your parents, A friend, And says, Hey, I want to talk to you about your children, I think you are bad at this. Do you know how much you thought, I was hoping someone would say this.

Thank you. Do you know how immediately defensive we get? Do you know how much we want to guard ourselves, Justify ourselves, Protect ourselves. And what we are protecting ourselves, Is our pride, Not our growth. But see, The Proverbs are going to come along, And say, You are bad at relationships.

You don't know how to close your mouth. You don't know how to handle your money. You don't know how to handle parenting. We are going to read that, Then we are going to get in groups, And we are going to try to walk together, And growing for this. And if we don't learn how to love discipline, We are going to come out more foolish, On the other end of this series. You will actually be better, At practicing foolishness, If you just reject all the correction that is coming.

You will have better bone density, And muscle mass, When it comes to swatting off people, Trying to correct you. And it will be bad for you. Rather than growing in humility, And learning how to take corrections, So that we might move towards life. That is the invitation. So it says this, Verse 23, If you turn at my reproof, Behold, I will pour out my spirit to you, And I will make my words known to you.

That is a promise from wisdom. Wisdom will fill you with wisdom, And make words of wisdom known to you. This is also a promise, That is fulfilled ultimately in Christ. That if we will turn to him, And turn to his rebuke, And see our sin, Not just our foolishness, But our foolishness that leads to destruction. That Jesus will give us his spirit, And his words will be with us, And that we will actually move out of eternal foolishness. As he is the perfect picture of true wisdom.

True wisdom. But we see this invitation made both by wisdom, And by Christ. He says, Verse 24, Because I have called, And you have refused to listen, And have stretched out my hand, And no one has heeded. Because you have ignored all my counsel, And would have none of my reproof. Just so you know, Wisdom has tried with you already. Has already hollered at you, Stood out in front of you, People in your life have stood out in front of you, And done this.

And some of us have heeded, And some of us haven't. And sometimes you heeded, And sometimes you didn't. But this is already taking place. Because you ignored all my counsel, And would have none of my reproof. I also will laugh at your calamity, And I will mock when terror strikes you. I told you there was an appropriate time to mock, Wisdom knows when.

There are times that it's okay for us to have satire, And for us to poke fun at things, And for us to deconstruct things. And like I said, It's just, Is it a pattern of life, Where it's used to defend ourselves, Is it a pattern of life, Where it's used to promote our pride, Is it a pattern of life, That is just, In contrary to wisdom, But wisdom at times, Knows when to do this. We don't always, But wisdom does. And it's when you, Get what you asked for. 27, When terror strikes you like a storm, And your calamity comes like a whirlwind, When distress and anguish come upon you, Then will you call upon me, But I will not answer.

Then, They will seek me diligently, But I will not find, But will not find me. And if we reject wisdom all along, There's going to come a time when we really need it, And at that moment it will be too late. We will need people around us, Who will counsel us, And we will have already run all of them off. We will need to know how to make tough decisions, And think through things, And we will not know how. And wisdom will laugh at us. Because they hated knowledge, And did not choose the fear of the Lord.

That's humility and submission, To someone who is wiser than us. Would have none of my counsel, And despised all my reproof. Therefore, They shall eat the fruit of their way, And have their fill of their own devices. One of the ways that God puts judgment on us, And shows his wrath to us, Is by letting us have what we want. God in his grace, Stands between us in trouble. God in his grace, Stands between us in sin.

God in his grace, Stands between us in foolishness. And eventually God says, Fine. That's what Romans 1 says. That God gave them over, To their desires. He handed them over to their lusts. He handed them over to their wickedness.

He got out of their way, So that they might have the full extent, Of their foolishness. C.S. Lewis puts it this way. He says, There are only two kinds of people in the end. Those who say to God, Thy will be done. And those to whom God says in the end, Thy will be done.

You can choose foolishness. You can choose sin. You can choose destruction. God in his grace, In the book of Proverbs, Is standing in the way, Crying out in the streets, Hollering at us to stop. God in his grace, Even more so in the person and work of Christ, Has come literally into the streets, To cry out, That we might have hope, That we might have life, To take our place. He doesn't just correct fools, But he takes the place of fools, So that we might have hope in him, But we can eventually get what we want.

Proverbs 19.3 says, When a man's folly brings his way to ruin, His heart rages against the Lord. How often is that true? We choose a path, We fight the Lord off, We get what we deserve, And then we say, Look at how unjust, And unfair, And uncaring, And unloving he is, That he would let this happen. When all along the way, He called us to repentance, He called us to wisdom, He called us to stop, Had people around us, Who stood in the way, We jumped every hurdle in the way, And then we got to eat, The full measure, Of what we had prepared for ourselves, And then we act as if God is unjust. Do you want to know what's beautiful, In this?

The Call to Wisdom (Proverbs 1:1-7)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Transcript

I'm one of the pastors here. Grab your Bibles and go to the book of Proverbs. We're going to be starting in Proverbs chapter 1. If you have one of these blue Bibles, the page number is up there for you. If not, just open your Bible to the middle and you'll be very close. And you're on your own from there.

But Proverbs is a book that is wisdom literature. And so we just finished up a series in the book of Matthew. And we try to teach in the New Testament and the Old Testament. We think that all of God's word is profitable and helpful and points us towards Christ and the glory of his salvation. And so we are starting to study the book of Proverbs. And we'll spend the summer here growing in wisdom.

So the Old Testament has the books of the lawless, the first five books. And then it has history books. And then it has the wisdom literature. And then it has the prophets. And so we're going to be in the book of Proverbs, which is wisdom literature. And we're going to be working and seeking as a church family to grow in wisdom.

So you have a job. You're working your job. And it's fine. You're not, you know, your alarm goes off. You don't hit the button and hop out of bed with like a huge smile on your face. It's fine.

Your job is fine. It pays bills. You need a job. You're an adult. You have a job. And then a friend of yours starts talking to you about a career change.

Starts talking to you about joining them and what they're doing. They start talking to you about the exciting work they're in. And some of it does sound kind of exciting to you. You start considering should you move careers. You have mouths to feed. You have bills to pay.

You have some responsibility. But this sounds exciting. But you start looking at it and trying to figure out, is it okay for me to move into this? Is this a good idea? And in that moment, you need wisdom. You're not going to be able to find in the Old Testament law and the Ten Commandments, thou shalt start a business with your buddy or thou shalt not.

There's going to be some laws, some things that tell us, yes, you can do this. No, you can't do that. There's going to be some times where the Holy Spirit gives us wisdom and clarity. And then there's going to be a whole lot of life where you're expected to make some choices. You're going to need some wisdom. You have a precious little baby.

And it's mostly just like a head with a little body attached. And all it does is it cries when it needs something. Whee! Whee! And then it gets a little older. The reason it cried when it was little is because it didn't have words to articulate what it needed.

It gets older and has words and still cries. Cries a lot. Has a little attitude. Starts acting a lot like your spouse. Now the Bible teaches us that we're to train our children, that we're to build them up.

But you're going to need some wisdom. And how do I do this? Practically, how do I help this grow into a functioning member of society? Because if I send it out right now, it's not ready. How do I help it live in a way that people will be able to interact and like this child? And this child will be able to like others and live in the world.

You're going to need wisdom. You have a classmate or a co-worker who's antagonistic. Mouthy. Frustrating. Difficult. We live in a society that frowns upon you just striking them in the face.

So you have to come up with a better plan. You're going to need wisdom. You have adult children and they're struggling in their marriage and you want to help. You want to give some guidance. You want to give some counsel. You also don't want to be all up in their business.

You're going to need some wisdom. My goal today is to introduce this series, to introduce Proverbs to us, to help us understand Proverbs and help sell us on the fact that we need this book. There are places in the Bible that tell us things that we can or can't do. There are places where the Holy Spirit is going to give us some specific guidance. But most of life is going to need wisdom.

The Bible is not going to tell you who to marry and who not to marry. It gives some guardrails, but it's not going to pick the specific person for you. They're not going to be flipping through Galatians and it's going to be like, Jeff's a winner. It's not going to happen. We need wisdom. It's not going to tell you what Job to take.

It's not going to tell you when to retire or what to do with your retirement. It's not going to tell you about where to invest your money or how to invest your money or how to invest your time or who to develop friendships with. We need wisdom. And so the book of Proverbs steps in and helps us. It gives us wisdom. It steps into the gray area of life and offers us some coaching.

And in that way, it's kind of a different book. So we're going to pray and we're going to start reading in Proverbs 1, chapter 1, verse 1. And we're going to start talking about what the book of Proverbs is as we seek to grow our desire to grow in wisdom. So let's pray. Lord, we thank you for your grace. We thank you for your word.

We thank you that you give us direct commands that we are to obey. We thank you that through your spirit you give us guidance, clarity in difficult situations, words to speak. And Lord, we thank you that you give us coaching and guidance and direction in all the gray areas of life that you help us grow in wisdom and help us learn how to think. And so we pray that we would grow in wisdom this summer as we study your word and as we grow closer to you. In Jesus' name, amen. Proverbs, chapter 1, verse 1.

The Proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel. Solomon gets top billing in the book of Proverbs. He's the wisest king who ever lived. He's the wisest person who ever lived. First Kings chapters 3 and 4 tell us that God comes to Solomon as he becomes king. He's David's son.

God comes to him and says, what do you want? Ask of me anything. And Solomon says, I need wisdom. I need guidance. I don't know how to go in or come out. I need help.

And God says, you didn't ask for money. You didn't ask for peace. You didn't ask for the heads of your enemies. You asked for wisdom and therefore I'm going to give you all of these. I'm going to give you peace. I'm going to give you money and I'm going to give you wisdom.

And then we're told that he was wiser than anyone in his day, that people would flock to him to hear his wisdom. We're told that he was wiser than anyone who came before him or after him. And so most of this book is attributed to Solomon. Now he's not the only one who writes in this, in the book of Proverbs. We are, we have 30 sayings of the wise. We have some sayings from Agur.

We have a section that's attributed King Lemuel, which I think is a little unfair because it just says the words of King Lemuel or Lemuel. And then he says, here's what my mama said. So it really should be King Lemuel's mama gives us some wisdom. I don't know why he gets credit. He just repeats what she told him, but okay. But it's a collection of writings that help us grow in wisdom and call us to grow in wisdom.

So this is not the same level as direct commands or direct promises that we have in scripture. That this is a different genre of scripture, biblical literature. It's true, but it's true in a different way because it's going to say some things. It's going to coach us up and it calls us to think and to think deeply and to grow so that we're able to handle and navigate situations. So if the rest of scripture says that everything happens for a purpose.

Everything happens for a reason. The book of Proverbs comes along that and says, yes. And sometimes the reason is that you're dumb and make bad choices. The book of Proverbs is going to step in and help us make wise decisions, step in and help us understand wisdom. And so at times it will seem contradictory. Proverbs 26, four says this.

Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. That's a helpful piece of wisdom. If a fool tries to invite you into an argument, if a fool tries to invite you into his stupidity and you accept the invitation, you're a fool too. That's Proverbs 26, four. The next verse, Proverbs 26, five says, answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. Answer him or don't answer him.

You just told me not to. Now you're telling me that I should. And Proverbs is inviting us. Both of those are true. If you join a fool in his folly, you become a fool. If nobody ever engages in his folly, he doesn't ever stop being a fool.

And we're called to have some wisdom. We're called to know both of those and to understand what's the situation. Are we on the Internet? Maybe don't engage. Is this fool your coworker or are they in your community group? Maybe engage.

But we're called to have some wisdom that we're called to see as we read the book of Proverbs. It's going to function a little bit different. Some of these are truisms. They're in general how this works. And this is why the Bible has a whole section of wisdom literature. You have the book of Job.

You have Ecclesiastes. Proverbs comes along and says this is in general how the world works. And Ecclesiastes stands behind and goes, sometimes not so much. And Job gives a real specific instance of that. And there are all three calling us to wisdom. But we're going to look in Proverbs and we're going to see that in general this is good, helpful, godly guidance to life.

So verse 2. This is the point of the book of Proverbs. It says to know wisdom and instruction. To understand words of insight. So the point of Proverbs is that we would read it and that we would know wisdom.

That we would grow in instruction. We would understand insight. That word for wisdom is the Hebrew word chokmah. And that word does not just mean, sometimes I think when we think of someone as wise, they're like a sage. They're on a mountaintop. Or you come to them and they're able to give you answers and they work out riddles.

But that word chokmah in the Hebrew is used for other things and other places to help us understand what this means. That in Exodus 35 and verse 31, it's used for the men that God called to build the tabernacle. It says that he put his chokmah in them. And his skill that they might know how to design and build. It's used in Jeremiah 10.9 for goldsmiths. So they have chokmah.

They have skill in working with gold. It's used in Psalm 107.27 for sailors who have chokmah. They have wisdom. They have skill to navigate the sea. So that in some ways this invitation into wisdom is that you might have skill, ability to navigate life.

The skill or ability it takes to build into life. That word instruction is that it's going to help us know what to do. It's going to coach us to understand words of insight. That it would help us see behind the scenes of what's really going on. And so in some ways it works like this. You have what we can see.

What's above the surface. Our decisions. Our options. What's clear to everybody. You took the job or you didn't take the job. But the reality is every time we go to make decisions, there's stuff underneath that where we're actually having to answer questions about what is ultimately valuable.

What is ultimately good. Your kid comes home and they throw their stuff down and they go, that's it. Never playing baseball again. Or I'm never playing clarinet again. Whatever your kid is into. All right.

So you're going to engage in this. And you're going to have to start asking some questions and coaching them up. And you maybe have all this noise about what people are going to think, what you think, your general desire for them to be a concert clarinetist. Clarineter. You have a desire for them to grow in this. But you're also having to answer questions when you get into this as to what's good in life.

What values do we most uphold? What's the purpose of life? How do we get there? You start answering those questions even if you don't know it. And so some of what Proverbs is doing is God is giving us insight into how the world works so that we might see things the way he sees them. So wisdom isn't just the application of knowledge.

It is. It's not just skill. It is those. But it's not just those. It's more. It's bigger than that.

It's godly insight into how to live and how to pursue what is good. It's godly insight into how to live and how to pursue what is good. That God at times is going to call us into things that make sense because he designed the world that are counterintuitive to worldly wisdom. I try to bring this man up every so often, usually about once a year. I want to talk to you for a moment about Nicholas Cage. Nick Cage has a movie called National Treasure, which if you've seen it, it itself is a national treasure.

In it, though, he's going to steal the Declaration of Independence because Benjamin Franklin put a secret map on there because he was part of the Masons. And Nicholas Cage has Benjamin Franklin's special spectacles that he can slide down. And when he puts the certain glasses on, he can see what's really there that no one else can see. And in some ways, the wisdom of the scriptures, the wisdom of the Proverbs, the wisdom that we're invited into is God saying, I want to help you see the world and see some things that you would not have discerned on your own. You would not have been able to see on your own.

I want to help you see below. So it's going to give us some practical coaching. And then there are times where it's going to tell us deep-rooted how that's connected to God's good world. And it says some things that seem counterintuitive. When we talk about money, it's going to talk about how generosity leads to greater wealth. One of the things the Proverbs is going to tell you is if you want to grow in wealth, give money away.

That only works if God has a rule at work in the world that he accomplishes through his power because that's not usually how things seem to work. It says that those who hoard everything, who are stingy, end up lacking. It doesn't work out for them. So there's these things where it's going to talk about top-level wisdom and it's also going to say, you know, there's some things going on behind here that you need to see. So it's worth us growing in this.

Verse 3. So the point of the Proverbs is that we would receive instruction in wise dealing. Don't you need that? Don't you need some wisdom in how to deal with people? How to deal with people well? How to make wise decisions in business and life and investing?

Don't you want some wisdom in wise dealing? It says in righteousness, justice, and equity. Isn't that something that we need to know? What is right? What is just? What is fair?

These words we've heard repeated over and over again these past years. I think everybody's been thinking through what is justice? What is equity? What is actually fair? And don't we need to grow in understanding how God defines that and what that looks like and how we can apply that in life? Isn't this helpful?

Verse 4. To give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth. Oh, I know some hearts just started beating fast. Y'all came in here and you thought, I hope we get to grow in some prudence. I was just saying that. I wrote that in my diary this morning.

Amen. That word doesn't, we don't use it often and it doesn't seem to be a very exciting thing that you'd want to grow in. What it means is shrewdness, cleverness. The Proverbs say that a prudent person sees trouble and gets out of the way. Oh, I want some of that. I want to be able to have some foresight into some trouble and get out of the way.

I want to have some ability to see that coming. And what's beautiful about this promise is that it's to give prudence to the simple. Hallelujah. Weren't there times when you were in school and you just thought, nah, my brain's done. I will not be able to move further in this subject. You looked around the class and you were like, oh, they all understand this?

Oh, I'm in trouble. There was a place I hit in math where I just thought, that's enough math for me. I will not be mathing anymore. Thank you. I told someone the other day that when I worked as a cashier, I was the one that when I rang you up, if right at the end after I'd pressed the button, you said, oh, here's the 15 cents. I'm the guy who went.

Hold on, hold on. I had people before just go, I'll take it back. And I was like, that's going to be best for everybody. I can't do that that quickly. I don't know. This is an invitation.

Wisdom is not kept from you because you are not naturally intelligent. And that's a beautiful promise. Intelligence is a different thing. There's a lady somewhere who can barely read, barely write, has hardly a high school education. She knows the Lord. She reads his words.

She follows him. She's got more wisdom than Elon Musk. She has a better handle on how the world works, has a better way to deal with people, has a better way of walking through life. And she's got wisdom because we're invited to grow in it. And it says it will give discretion, ability to make good decisions to the youth. Some of you are like, I'm going to get my children here.

I need some discretion. I got some youth. I'm bringing them. Verse five. Let the wise hear and increase in learning. And let the one who understands obtain guidance.

That's a beautiful invitation as well. You don't reach a limit. You don't hit a spot where you go, I'm wise enough. I'm good. It says, no, if you're wise, you'll keep growing in wisdom. If you have knowledge, you'll continue to get some guidance.

Don't coast. Don't say, I've gotten enough wisdom. I'm good. I'm full up on it. I'll handle everything perfectly from here on out. It says, no, if you're wise, you'll continue to grow.

So that's the invitation of the Proverbs. It says, and understand a proverb, a saying, the words of the wise and their riddles. See, the Proverbs are an invitation to think. That's why there's going to be some in here that are riddles. You have to work them out. You have to sit and think on them.

In some ways, they're like hard candy. If you just bite down on them, you might break a tooth. If you just try to swallow them, you might choke. You have to sit with them for a while. There'll be some places where you need to work this out, where you need to grow in wisdom. The invitation of the Proverbs is that we might learn and then live.

So we say in our culture that, you know, live and learn. This is one of the best ways to learn. It's only you're just going to have to live and learn. Somebody's talking to you and you don't want to listen. They'll say, well, you'll live and learn. The idea is that you need to go out there, you need to make some mistakes, and then you'll get wiser.

And the reality is, yeah. Now, hopefully, the Proverbs say there's some people who don't even get wiser that way. Hopefully, if you live through something, you'll learn. But there's a beautiful invitation to learn and then live that's offered to you in the Proverbs. That you can be simple and you can grow in wisdom beyond those who have more years on you and have more experience on you because you'll listen and you'll learn and then live. My older brother went through high school living and learning as he related to my parents.

He was older. He was the only one. He hadn't had anybody go in front of him. I was able to watch. I got to learn and live. I took notes.

I paid attention. Mental note. If my dad says to you, how many times have I told you this? Don't say, I don't know, a million. I got to learn and then live. I got to see someone else make decisions in front of me.

That's one of my favorite jokes is three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks. The ability to see people go in front of us. At this point, don't laugh because... Just laugh when you get in your car. Don't laugh three minutes from now. But the ability to see people go in front of us and make decisions based off of that and the Proverbs are inviting us into that.

Verse 7. This is the theme of the book of Proverbs. And we'll see it throughout. This phrasing shows up a bunch, but this is where everything hangs on this. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Knowledge.

Fools despise wisdom and instruction. Just so you know, if you've been sitting here this whole time thinking, I don't need any of this. You just showed up in the Bible in the back half of verse 7. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. This is the theme of the book of Proverbs. That we would see the Lord.

That's where we start. That if you're going to grow, if you're going to understand, if you're going to approach wisdom in the way that we're supposed to, we exist in His world. We're going to listen to Him. I bought some furniture from Ikea before. And I got it home and I unboxed it. I did not pull the instructions out and say, what do Swedish people know about furniture that I don't know?

And throw it away. USA. I didn't do that. I need their help to build the Pyongyang or whatever the name of that chair is. I need their guidance. And the reality is God created the world.

And one of the ways we grow in wisdom is we listen to Him when He tells us how it works. We come to Him seeking to understand Him. We approach Him and we have to see Him clearly in order to see ourselves clearly. So this verse that shows up again in chapter 9, verse 10, it says, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The knowledge of the Holy One is insight. And we begin by understanding Him.

We begin by approaching Him, listening to Him, knowing Him. That helps us understand the true wisdom of the world. That we know God. Or chapter 15, verse 33 says, The fear of the Lord is instruction and wisdom. And humility comes before honor. One of the reasons that we have to know the Lord first and see the Lord first is that we have to rightly see ourselves.

We have to rightly see Him so that we'll rightly listen. That we have to have humility if we're going to grow in wisdom. I have a quote from C.S. Lewis that I think is helpful. He says, As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people.

And of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you. So that we approach in growing in wisdom, we have to see the Lord. We have to see Him as big. We have to see Him as glorious. And we have to have an appropriate fear, reverence for Him that we would submit to Him. I have a six-year-old son.

He's pretty smart as far as six-year-olds go. He's a fool. And that's not being mean. We're going to get there in Proverbs. But that's what it says about your children.

They're foolish. They're ignorant. Even if they're intelligent for their age, if they have decent functioning brains, they're foolish because they don't know how the world works. I was recently trying to teach him how to swim. I'm trying to explain to him how to swim. And he's just talking and talking.

He's cutting me off to tell me things. And I had to say, Archer, stop. Stop talking. Shut your mouth. I said, Son, do you know how to swim? No, sir.

Do I know how to swim? Yes, sir. Why are you talking? Are you going to just coach yourself into swimming? I said, When you went to kindergarten, did you know how to read? No, sir.

Did your teacher know how to read? Yes, sir. Who taught you how to read? Your teacher or you? My teacher. Okay.

A lot of us approach God, approach scripture. Even in this series, you're going to approach the Proverbs and you're going to be talking the whole time. And you're going to hit passages that you go, Don't like that. Don't agree with that. Don't agree with that. And in that moment, you've stumbled upon a place where you need to grow in wisdom.

And you can reject it or you can say, Hold on a second. If God's saying something I don't agree with, maybe I ought to fear him. Maybe I ought to humble myself. Maybe I ought to listen. Maybe he has something better to say. And the Proverbs is going to say, One of those responses is wise and one of those is foolish.

But it's inviting us to make the wise response to a glorious God who has good wisdom for us. So, as the Proverbs go, there's a lot of introduction in the first nine chapters. We're going to cover some of that again. A lot of it, though, is trying to sell you on You Need Wisdom. It's one of the reasons why we want to start this series because this is this way, because this is how Proverbs starts. You need this.

It's good for you. It leads to life. It leads to joy. It's better than gold. It's better than silver. If you've got to choose between money or wisdom, pick money.

If you ever meet a genie and they give you grant you wishes, choose wisdom. That's the point of this. It's better to pursue. Just for the record, for some of y'all who aren't part of church and this is your first time, Christians don't actually believe in genies. Just throw that out there. There are some things we believe in that you probably don't, but genies isn't one of them.

All right. Chapter 9, verse 1. It says, This is what they say. Whoever is simple, let him turn in here. To him who lacks sense, she says, Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways and live and walk in the way of insight.

Lady Wisdom goes out into the crowded places and calls. Come learn. To the simple. Come learn. Come partake in the goodness of wisdom. And she's got good stuff.

Her table is set with good stuff. Come. Come get life. That's an invitation to you. That's an invitation to everyone in this room that you can come to the Proverbs. You can come to the Lord.

You can submit and you can get wisdom. Verse 13. The woman folly is loud. She is seductive and knows nothing. I appreciate that description. Lady Wisdom is not ever said to be seductive.

She's got good stuff. She has her table set. She's made good choices. Lady Folly looks better on the outside. Has nothing. Has nothing to offer.

So there's even places in the Proverbs where it says there's a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death. There are moments where you go this feels good. This seems right. The Proverbs acknowledges that and says no, no, no. You need wisdom. You don't need to just follow your intuition.

You need to grow in a way that helps you counteract your intuition which is sinful and bad. Because the woman folly is loud. She is seductive and knows nothing. She sits at the door of her house. She takes a seat on the highest places of the town. So she goes to some of the same places calling to those who pass by who are going straight on their way whoever is simple let him turn in here and to him who lacks sense she says.

That's verbatim what verse 4 was. Lady folly makes the same cry calls to the same people as lady wisdom. The invitation is laid out for you to go one way or the other. Verse 17 stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant but he does not know that the dead are there that her guests are in the depths of Sheol. One is an invitation to life one is an invitation to death. Wisdom offers you life.

Wisdom has a table set with good food mixed wine. The lady folly says water is nice let's eat bread in secret. She has less to offer and ultimately leads to death but the reality is you are headed in one direction or the other. Time does not let you sit still. You are progressing one way or the other. You are growing to be more wise or more foolish.

The invitation is that you would respond to lady wisdom that you would seek this that you would begin to read this you would begin to study this that you would stick this out that you would where the Bible contradicts you submit in humility knowing that the Lord has more sense than you do. That you would receive the call of wisdom. Choose wisely. Now I got some good news and I got some bad news. Let's talk about Solomon for a second.

We'll go bad news first. Solomon wisest man who ever lived. You will not outwise Solomon. 1 Kings chapters 3 and 4 tell us wisest man who ever lived. 1 Kings chapter 11 you just follow his life out and he derails it. Quits following the Lord. runs into sin pursues sin pursues foolishness wrecks God's good plan for their kingdom that ultimately the next sons that he has they split the kingdom in half that he runs after idols.

Wisdom is good and you need it. Wisdom is insufficient to fix you. Wisdom is insufficient to fix your sin problem. That ultimately we have a sin issue that we need wisdom and guidance from the Lord. We need his teaching so that we might navigate life well but it will ultimately not satisfy our soul or fix our sin. Wisdom is good but it is insufficient. that is the bad news.

I have some good news. I do not know if you are familiar with the gospel of Matthew but in Matthew chapter 12 Jesus says this he says the queen of the south will rise up at the judgment that is the queen of Sheba she came up to listen to Solomon she was like I want to see if he is actually this wise she showed up and she was like yep and then she gave him a bunch of spices and left will rise up with this generation and condemn it for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon behold something greater than Solomon is here. Jesus came to do for us what Solomon could not do. Jesus did not come because we lacked in wisdom Jesus came because we needed a savior.

He did not come because you need more coaching and you need more counseling and if you just had the right bit of information you could fix the problem no he came because you can't fix the problem but he's good and he came to redeem those who are in sin so that we might have hope. That's why Jesus' primary work was accomplished on the cross not when he sat and taught. He sat and taught so that we might understand the cross so that we might believe in the cross so we might hope in the cross he healed so that we might believe that he was who he said he was but he rose from the grave died for our sins conquered death and hell in our place so that we might have hope and he is greater than Solomon and the scriptures tell us that he is the wisdom of God that if you understand the wisdom of God if you understand how he works and what he's come to accomplish in the world you need Jesus. That's what 1 Corinthians chapter 1 says it says it in verse 24 and verse 30 we'll read both it says but to those who are called both Jews and Greeks Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God 1 Corinthians 1 30 says because of him you are in Christ Jesus who became to us wisdom from God righteousness sanctification redemption Colossians tells us that all of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in Christ so we're going to grow in wisdom but we're going to do it as those who are submitting to Christ and who see him as the ultimate Revelation of the wisdom of God that came to redeem sinners that did not come to put the weight on you for you to accomplish your salvation but came to rescue us so that we might follow behind him in obedience and joy you're going to make some terrible choices that's why we praise Jesus because he redeems he became for us redemption was that last verse it's not up there anymore he came for us redemption that he fixes our brokenness so we're going to listen to Solomon knowing that we have the greater Solomon in Christ the band is going to come back up as we go through this this summer we will get to spend different times talking about different we're going to walk through this and we're going to take it topically we're going to see what it says about money we're going to see what it says about parenting we're going to see what it says about truth about words we're going to grow in wisdom but as we do that we're going to consistently point ourselves back to Christ who gives us hope and who shows us what the ultimate wisdom of God is that he would redeem sinners now in a moment we're going to take communion communion is set up in places all around the room it is for believers it is us celebrating the literal physical work of Christ on our behalf that he died for our sin that he shed his blood that his body was broken that he was placed in a tomb that he rose from the grave and that in this work we have hope that your hope today is not that you would learn enough to be good enough to handle this on your own but your hope is that Jesus has already come and we have hope in him if you are a believer we invite you to take communion we want you to consider yourself we want you to consider your sin we want you to repent acknowledge where you need the grace of God and then celebrate that it is finished and the grace of God is for you in Christ who is the wisdom and power of God in our place on our behalf if you are not a Christian this is not for you we would love for you to come to know Christ in his salvation we would love for you to submit to him and to receive humbly the wisdom and grace that is offered to you through the cross to repent of your sin and to be redeemed by him so in a moment we will begin to play and sing you pray when you are ready go to the tables take two of the cups return to your seat and as you are ready partake in communion stack your cups and just take them out with you when you leave let's pray God we thank you for your grace we thank you for the hope of the wisdom the invitation into life ultimately fulfilled in the work of Christ who invites us into the finished work of wisdom salvation through your son and so we pray that we would grow in our love for Jesus and that we would grow in wisdom that we who are simple would gain prudence and that those among us who are wise they would continue to grow in wisdom as they walk in humility that they might unlike Solomon make it to the end of their days loving praising and worshiping you in Jesus