Wisdom and Sex (Proverbs 5)
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
Thank you. Thank you. Proverbs 5.1 starts out, My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she's as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander, and she does not know it. So, it's passages like this that I encountered when I became a Christian around 17, where I went, oh man, I think I've misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. Like, I generally understood the Bible was, you know, don't have sex outside of marriage.
I think I generally somewhat understood that. I don't think I really fully embraced how big of a deal, how big of a teaching that was, until probably my freshman year of high school. So, I was dating a girl, and she was Baptist. I was not. And I went to her youth group, and her youth group had a little function. And then afterwards, they did kind of a teaching on this concept called true love waits.
And I'd never heard of that before. And they had this teaching on, yeah, you should commit to purity, this idea of chastity, that sex is in the confines of marriage. You should wait until you get married. And it was a smaller youth group, and everyone in that youth group had seemed to really sign one of these forms. And I was kind of the odd man out. And the person who was leading that took the forms and threw them right in front of me and said, anyone else want to sign it?
And I said, just sat silent, and I was just like, nah. I got no plans to follow any of this stuff. I was like, that's not for me. I have a girlfriend here. I have intentions for her. I have no plans to sign that at all.
Like, my thought process behind all of that was like, I did not realize the Bible had such a strong teaching on this at all. Now, what was good for me was, is that I had signed a purity commitment, whether I liked it or not. My short stature and personality at that time lent itself to that anyways. But I didn't have intentions for that. I became a Christian when I was 17, and I started to read the Bible, and was like, oh man, I've completely miscalculated and misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. So I was like, I need to course correct here.
I need to, out of the sexual brokenness that I was redeemed from, I need to absolutely rethink this. So I made some strict kind of rules for me and understanding of how I would approach this in future relationships. And fast forward a few years. In college, started dating my now wife. And as we started, you know, we went on a few dates. And then I was like, alright, like I want to, let's make this official.
I had this grand romantic gesture where I took some roses, and I took aspects of the fruit of the Spirit that I loved in her, and I wrote it down on some cards attached to these flowers. I had my friends deliver these roses one at a time throughout the day. And at the end of the day, I delivered the final rose. And like, let's make this official. Want to be my boo? Like I was, like, and we celebrated for five minutes.
And then I shifted gears into, alright, so, here are some of the rules as we're going to leave this relationship. Let me, here's some boundaries for us in how we approach our relationship. First, no back talk. No, just kidding. No, I was like, I was like, we, listen, we, I want us to guard our way when it comes to purity, when it comes to pursuing Jesus in our relationship. So I came in, like, really hard.
You guys, five, I'm talking, this is not a joke. It was five minutes of joy celebration. And then, here it is. I was like, I don't want us to kiss until we get super serious. I don't want us to be in a situation that might compromise ourselves. So, like, we're not going to be the kind of couple that's on the couch, in our dorm room, watching a movie close to one another.
We're not going to do that. I started to prescribe a whole bunch of boundaries for us. Because I knew my brokenness. I knew how quickly it could go off the rails. And I said, no, we're not going this way. And she said, absolutely.
So she agreed. And we followed these. Up until we got engaged, we still, like, I was still, like, up until we get married, this is what we're doing. When we kissed, I made sure it was brief. When we danced, we left room for Jesus. Like, we, we, we, my sister-in-law made fun of us because we had, like, all, like, ten different versions of a side hug that I didn't even know that we had.
So we did this. No one told me to do this. No one laid out the playbook and said, this is what you do. My intense personality reacted to the Bible's teaching on this. And I was like, this is what we're going to do. And we did all the way up until we got the day of our wedding.
The first time we ever made out was in front of camera and our wedding photos. And I know how ridiculous and over the top that sounds. Like, I can hear that. I know how over the top that sounds. And there are some more stories attached to that. I'm sure that our friends, some of the pastors here who have heard them would love to tell you at our expense.
Because we did look a little bit goofy. But, y'all, I knew myself. I knew what I was capable of. And I was like, we're not going down this road. And the Proverbs backed me up on this. It just did.
The overkill guardrails that I set for us were for a reason. I had tapped into significance of sex. That sex is deeply spiritual. It is an intimate act of giving not just your body, but the most vulnerable part of yourself to another. And the Bible has clear boundaries for this in the structure of man and wife. And outside of that, there are major consequences.
I mean, for years I've walked with couples. They're walking through sexual dysfunction in their marriage. And a lot of times you can draw a thread back to premarital sexual activity. I walk with people who are addicted to pornography and have been for decades. And it started when they were 10 years old. This isn't just a physical act.
It's bigger than this. And the Proverbs realizes this and is impressing upon us the importance of taking this very seriously. So the Proverbs is blunt and it is serious on this. But it offers real wisdom. So whether you are single and celibate, whether you are single and desiring marriage, whether you're engaged, whether you are a newlywed, been married a few years, 10 or 30 years, the Proverbs has real wisdom here.
And my hope this morning is that we'd listen and that we'd respond. So let me pray for us and we'll walk through this. Lord, we love you. Some teachings are hard, but we need it for our souls. God, I pray that you would absolutely make this clear to our hearts, compelling to our hearts, that we would walk wisely. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Amen. All right, so we're mostly going to be walking through 5, 1 through 19. The first 5, 6, and 7 are three chapters that mostly deal with the subject matter of sex. I mean, you've been with us in Proverbs for a little bit. You've noticed that we take it topically and that we're, you know, there's one topic and it'll have a proverb here and a proverb here and they're kind of scattered. There are three, the majority of three whole chapters devoted to this subject.
So there's a lot of things that can be said. We don't have the space for it. We're mostly going to be in the first 19 verses of chapter 5. We will pull from some other places in Proverbs. But as we walk through these first 19 verses, I want us to see four different things.
We need to see the delusion of sexual sin. The delusion of sexual sin. Then we need to see the danger of sexual sin. Third, we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. And lastly, we're going to see that we need to drink ourselves full. Drink yourself full from what is good.
So that's what we're going to see as we walk through this. Let's start out in the first part, the delusion of sexual sin. We'll pick it back up in verse 1 of chapter 5. My son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. All right, so we said this at the front of Proverbs when we introduced it.
This mostly is Solomon giving advice to his son. This is a father speaking to his son. All right? So he's saying, here's some wisdom that your lips may guard knowledge. Now, when we hear some of the things he's going to say, we've got to contextualize it for ourselves. Because the example he's going to use for his son is an adulterous woman, a forbidden woman.
All right? Now, that's father to son. We take that, we put it into our context. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous woman. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous man. For some of you, that's going to be men and women in pornography.
You've got to contextualize this for yourself as you hear it. And that's what he is saying to his son. Pick it up in verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield. He says, lips of a forbidden woman. All right? What that means is, is that there is a woman who is not forbidden, and there are women who are forbidden. Otherwise, he would have just said woman.
So what's built into that is a basic theology of sex. That God has designed marriage for man and wife. It is made for that covenant marriage. It is a gift that God has given for marriage. Outside of it, it is forbidden. So it's very simple.
Are you married to him? Are you married to her? If not, then no. There is no, we're married in our hearts. There is no, we're common law. No, you have either made the marriage commitment, the covenant, or you have not.
If you have not, she is forbidden. Now, we don't know if Solomon is talking to his newly married son or if his son is about to get married. We don't have that direct information. But we do know that regardless, this is going to apply to his son. And he looks at him and he says, this woman, she has lips that drip honey. And that means that her lips look sweet.
There's an appeal to her. That her speech is seductive. It's smooth. It's soothing. It's going to lure you in. There's something appealing about her that would lure you in.
But the reality is, is that she's actually wormwood. Wormwood is a plant that it smells nice. It tastes awful. It is bitter. It looks like honey, but it's actually wormwood. And even more to the point, it's like a sword that will thrust into your chest and destroy you.
Lust is delusional. It's delusional. It's chasing after mirage that will never actually deliver water. It only delivers poison. It delivers death. Sheol is the Old Testament word for this.
It's the place of death. It's delusional. And it's not subtle. So when you get to chapter 7 on this, it's blatant in our face. It says, she is loud and wayward. Her feet do not stay at home.
Now in the street. Now in the market. And at every corner she lies in wait. That even in their time, there's a pervasiveness to the delusion. That it's mainstream. That it is loud.
It doesn't stay home. It's in the marketplace. It's in the street corner. It's everywhere. The delusion is mainstream. And that is true in our culture.
It's in the majority of TV shows. It's all over the internet. I mean, sex outside of marriage is the standard. We're the ones that are the outsiders in culture. It's the standard. But premarital sex, any sex outside of marriage, it divorces pleasure and intimacy from union and commitment.
It removes them from one another. That's part of why breakups after sex are very difficult. You've given a real part of yourself. There's something deeply spiritual that you've given to somebody else without the life commitment that goes with it. And it's standard fare for our culture. It just is.
That after a few dates that you actually enter into sexual activity. That's fairly normal. And the Bible says that's delusional. I mean, what if you're on a date after the third date, the check's coming. He pulled out his phone and said, look, I found us. Three bed, two bath house.
Charmer. I mean, just look at this. They've renovated this. Oh, man. I talked to a lender, all right? And I think we can buy this, right?
We're pre-approved. Let's go. I got a real estate agent we're going to meet with. As soon as we leave the restaurant, let's go take a look at this house. You in? You would look at him and say, thank you for dinner.
I'm going. And we're not going to talk again. Because that's crazy that you would enter into that type of commitment with somebody. And that's the Bible's approach to sex. That it's delusional that we would actually do that. No, but our culture has made it mainstream.
It's pervasive. It's even pervasive when it comes to sexual exploration and sexual identity. Our culture is absolutely going for this. It's not just that you have to tolerate someone's gender exploration. You have to accept it wholesale. Accept wholesale that we're non-binary or you're hateful.
We just went through a whole month of June that was absolutely in your face. That you have to not just accept this. You have to celebrate this. You have to be joyous about this. And I'm here to tell you that it won't bring joy. It looks like honey.
It finishes like one would. There's a reason why. The statistics show this. That for those who decide to transition their gender, the suicide rates are the same before and after. It doesn't actually bring satisfaction and joy. There's a reason why there are tons of people that are leaving the LGBTQ2 lifestyle.
Because they have encountered Christ and said, I want Him. This wasn't satisfying. I want something better. And someone proclaimed the gospel to them and they believed. It's wormwood. It does not bring satisfaction and joy.
But we have a culture that is loudly trumpeting sexual revolution, sexual self-realization as an ultimate joy. And it does not bring satisfaction. It does not bring joy. It is delusional. And it's also dangerous. The Proverbs makes this clear.
The danger of sexual sin. We need to see this. Verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. Lust leads to death. It's deadly. It leads to the path of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life.
Verse 6. Her ways wander. And she does not know it. And now, O sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. He's trying to help his sons see. It's dangerous, son.
Don't go this route. Don't chase after this. It is dangerous. This momentary pleasure. The thrill of casual sex. The quick escape to internet pornography.
It will lead your soul to death. Proverbs 7 captures this even more vividly. In Proverbs 7, he says in verse 22, All at once, she, all at once he follows her. As an ox goes to the slaughterer, or as a stag is caught fast, till an arrow pierces its liver. As a bird rushes into a snare, he does not know that it will cost him his life. I had a professor once that talked about there are slaughterhouses that have had problems with cows.
That when they would go to slaughter them, the cows would be very scared and very nervous. And there's a lot of hormones and chemicals that go throughout the cow that you don't want in steak when you actually eat it. So they had to find a way to really calm them down. One of the ways that one of these slaughterhouses figured the troubleshoot this was they started it. As they went up the conveyor belt, they played the sound of a nursing cow. A sweet, pleasant sound that lured them in until they were killed.
That's the picture here. Of an ox that's being led to the slaughterer, or a stag. This is a buck that comes out chasing the scent of a doe, thinking that I'm going to find something. And all of a sudden, a hunter with a compound bone releases an arrow and it pierces into its liver. Which, if you hunt, you know that's a really painful death. That's a bad shot.
It's a painful, painful death. We need to see this, Christians, we need to see the dangers of sexual sin. Because Satan takes far, I mean think about how many Christian leaders, how many pastors, how many community group leaders have been taken down by sexual sin. I mean is it because, as the culture would say, is it because that we are this sexually repressed people in a puritanical tradition that we've inherited for hundreds of years? No. No, we're sexually broken as the rest of culture.
No, it happens because it's easy and it works. It's effective. It's an effective strategy for taking down anyone who's a Christian. It works very simply. I mean you give a Christian who is in a tough season of marriage, a little fresh excitement from a co-worker. You give a woman who has a man in her life that gives a kind voice and kind speech and says nice things to her, lures her into his arms.
You give somebody who is stressed, working 70 hours a week at work, the access to pornography, that it lures you in. It's very easy. It's very effective. One commentator said it this way. He said, Satan shows the bait, but he hides the hook. Shows the bait, hides the hook.
He lures us in and he destroys us. He destroys marriages. He destroys the faith of single men and women. He leads us towards a love of the world that keeps us from following Christ. And Solomon is telling his son, don't do this. Don't go down this road.
In chapter 6, 27, he says it's like playing with fire. He says, can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? So sometimes you hear the question, how far physically can we go in our relationship while we're dating? Like where's the line here? Someone will ask, you know, what can I watch on TV? Like how much, what is too much sexual content?
Someone will ask, how close can I be, how much of an intimate friendship can I have to someone who's not my wife, who's not my husband? And Solomon says, I don't know how close of a blowtorch, how close can a blowtorch get to your chest? How close to the fire do you want to get before it burns you and it hurts you and it consumes you? We need to see the danger of sexual sin. And thirdly, we need to see that we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin.
Back to chapter 5, he says in verse 7, He says, stay away. Don't go near your house. You know where it is. Don't go. Like walk as far away as you can. Get away from her.
Get away from him. That's the Bible's treatment on this. In the New Testament, it says, flee sexual immorality. Flee. That's the only time you see it connected to a sin that's listed is fleeing. It's related to sexual immorality.
It doesn't say flee anger thoughts. It says flee sexual immorality. Get away from it. There's a reason why in Genesis 39 when Joseph is lured in and grabbed by Potiphar's wife that he literally runs out of his clothes, practically naked, out of there. He gets out of there. It's dangerous.
You've got to distance yourself. You've got to flee from it. Now, as a young Christian, I read this and I understood this. That's why I aggressively responded in our relationship. We lived in an awkward town for like 15 months because we understood. I was like, we're going to keep as far away from this as possible.
And here's the deal. I would rather you look as goofy and dorky as our relationship did. I would rather you look like that than darken the door of sexual sin. It's not worth it. We have to distance ourselves from this. I mean, and even sexual temptation that comes in thoughts, which is hard, right?
It's hard to control thoughts. It's hard when they come out of nowhere. Like you can have a bad dream the night before and you have sexually explicit images that are in your head when you wake up. There can be sexual content. You've got a storage of it back from years ago that just shows up in the middle of the day. You can be at the gym and all of a sudden temptation just comes in a moment.
That's a reality. But I love what Martin Luther says about this. He says, you can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair. And what he's saying is, you can't help it. Stuff's flying around sometimes. It's out there.
But you can keep it from making a nest in your hair. You can keep it from being implemented in your heart that actually leads to action. That you actually do have control over that power of the Holy Spirit. You absolutely can. So that when temptation comes, you can absolutely...
John Piper has a method on this called the Anthem Method. And I found it to be incredibly practical. And it's an acronym. And in it he says, A, avoid. Like when you do your best, if you can avoid it. Don't darken the door of her house, right?
Don't darken the door of this house. So avoid it as best you can. But when it comes, he says, say no. When sexual temptation comes, say no. If you have to verbally say it out loud, no. And then he says, turn your mind to Christ.
Christ. And one of the ways I've implemented this is that when temptation comes, that I think and I visually picture the bloody and beaten body of my Savior on the cross. I picture myself below the cross as blood is dripping down to know what my sin costs. And I turn my mind to Christ. And he says, hold Christ in your mind. Hold the gospel in your mind.
And then he says, enjoy him. What you ultimately want to do is enjoy him and realize that he's better than sex. He's better than anything this world can offer. And once you've enjoyed him and the thought and the temptation, the feeling has passed, he says, move on. Move on to something else. I found that to be incredibly practical and helpful for my soul in combating sexual sin and temptation.
Verse 9, it says, The reality of sexual sin is it leads to death. And it's a road that you might not come back from. It says that this picture is your honor being taken away, years being taken away, strangers taking away your strength, your flesh and body being consumed. That's the picture that's given here, is that I can enjoy a little bit of sexual sin now, but I'll be fine. I'll come back. Like, I'm young.
Like, I've got time to actually take this more seriously later, maybe when I get married. I love what Martin Lloyd-Jones, a British pastor from the 20th century, says about sin. I love when you apply it to sexual sin specifically. He says, Be careful how you treat God, my friends. You may say to yourself, I can sin against God, and then, of course, I can repent and come back and find God whenever I want Him. And you try it, and you will sometimes find that you not only cannot find God, but that you do not even want to.
You might actually go down this road, and by the end of it, you may not even want God anymore. That your soul has been so corrupted, that you're like, I don't want Jesus anymore. I've seen this over and over again. I've seen friends that were on fire for Christ. They were leaders, and all of a sudden, they pursued sexual sin. A few years later, they just left the faith.
They didn't want Jesus anymore. I've seen popular Christians, worship leaders do this. They pursue sexual sin. They don't come back, because they no longer love Christ, because it corrupts us. Verse 12 says, And you say how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers, or incline my ear to my instructors.
I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. He says, There's so much regret built in this, built into that. Don't hate discipline. Don't hate reproof. When someone comes to correct you on sexual sin, don't hate it. Oh, how he longed, that if he wouldn't have rejected this, that he's at the brink of utter ruin.
We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. One of the other ways this shows up in chapter 6, one of the ways that he's calling his son to distance himself from sexual sin, shows up in chapter 6, verse 32-34. He says, He who commits adultery lacks sense. He who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
You'll see what he did at the top? He who commits adultery lacks sense. He's appealing to reason. That's another way that he's trying to help him see. It's unreasonable. It's illogical.
Don't do this. It can destroy you. It can wound you. It can dishonor you. It can bring disgrace upon you. Don't do this.
There's a book called The Purity Principle. It's by Randy Alcorn. It's really short. It's a small, I mean, it's a really quick read, and it's incredibly practical. If you struggle with lust and sexual temptation, I encourage you, buy that today. It is small and packed with wisdom.
And the bigger argument, the best argument for combating sexual sin is that you would enjoy Christ, so much so that as you love and worship Him and are satisfied with Him, that when sexual temptation comes, you're just like, no, no, no. I don't want that. I want Christ. But the reality is, is that's not always us. There are seasons where that's not enough, where we're struggling. And he says, and he gets real practical.
One of the principles that he lays out, is to reason your way out of it. He says, use reason. Use long, just like this right here. When I read that, and I read what he was kind of prescribing, I went, absolutely, I can do that. And one of the things I do, I know I've mentioned this in other sermons, is that I can play out a scenario in my head, like five years down the road. And I use that.
I use that to my benefit when it comes to sexual temptation, right? When it comes, I'm like, no, if I give into this, then it can lead to this. If it leads to this, then I might lead it into adultery. If it leads me into adultery, adultery, God absolutely will expose that. If he exposes that, man, I'm going to bring disgrace upon my marriage. My wife is going to have to deal with the pain of that.
That I'm going to bring disgrace upon my church. That I, my kids are going to, I've seen this, that kids, once they go through this, and they see their parents get divorced, because of this, they start getting frustrated and angry. They get angry with God. And I'm like, oh no, my kids might not follow Jesus anymore. I'll do it. I'll play it out to 10 years down the road, if that's what it takes.
I'm not taking that step. I'm absolutely going to stop right now, because I don't want to go into destruction. But I, I think you should absolutely do that. You should play out the scenario. You should, you should process and think, is this worth it? Is it worth it to look at this online?
Is it worth it to have this conversation that I know is risky with this other person? Is that worth it? Is it worth seeing my kids every other weekend? You absolutely should play that out in your head. It should cause you to pause deeply. You should reason your way as much as you can to say this isn't worth it.
And he goes on to say, he says, for jealousy makes a man furious. And that, that's a reality as well. It's another, just nugget that he gives. I had a manager one time. I worked for, I worked at Zaxby's for one summer. And my manager, I found out years later, I had an affair with his wife, and the, the, the jealous boyfriend came after him.
He actually was killed. I mean, absolutely, whatever it takes, whatever bit of reason you can come with, absolutely, if it helps you distance yourself from sexual sin, do it. By any godly means necessary. That means that some of you, I've got to get rid of your smartphones. You've got to get a dumb phone. There's a, I think there's a light phone, I get the advertisement all the time.
There's some really nice dumb phones out there. But you should. Absolutely, if it meant your sanctification, it meant you knowing more of Christ, it meant you not falling into the snare of sexual sin, you should do it. Some of you are like, I need it for my work. Okay. If you truly need it for work, then absolutely, you should get some, you should get some software on it.
There's Covenant Eyes, which is a, which is a porn blocking software that you can, you can download onto your phone. You can bring others into accountability on that. There's a new app that I heard about called Canopy that you can download onto your phone. Actually, it literally will, it has artificial intelligence that will literally analyze images as they come across and blur them up, blur them before they show up. I mean, there's helpful tools for us. Some of you have got to cut some people out of your life.
The reasonable thing for you to do is to get some people out of your life. That person who slides into your DMs, that person who messages you out of nowhere, the person who messages you, who says you up, which the only reasonable response to that is no, leave me alone, delete. You got to cut some people out of your life. When I was dating Anna, y'all, I told you I was intense. I guess I am intense, but it was more intense in college. And there was this moment, I worked at a resort one summer, and there was this, there was this co-worker that I had, she was Russian, I was nice to her, she took that niceness as an advance of some sort, and was like, I honestly really think she was like, green card.
I mean, she was there working for the summer, and I was just like, okay, she kind of came out of nowhere with this really long letter, this huge love letter, that she wanted me, and I was just like, there was probably a way to go about this that was more gracious, but I took the letter and I said, this is never, ever, ever going to happen. And then I walked away. It's a more gracious way to go about that, but I was like, I've got a girlfriend, and I love her, and I love Jesus, and no, you need, I'm, there are better ways to go about it, but you, the approach is there. You need to take this seriously.
There are people you need to cut out of your life. Some of your relationships where you've got to hit the reset button, that you've got to hit the reset button, and if y'all can't absolutely change the way that y'all go about your relationship, then you need to break up, and I am dead serious about that, because the road to sexual sin leads to death, and I don't want that for you. Some of you have got to have some really hard conversations. Some of you have got to delete some apps off your phone. You've got to get rid of Tinder. You've got to get rid of Instagram.
You've got to do whatever it takes to distance yourself. Any godly means necessary. Now, these are kind of the negative means of dealing with sexual sin that the proverb spends a lot of time on, but he also shifts into something different in Proverbs 5 that I don't want us to miss. He says, makes the argument, drink yourself full from what is good. Drink yourself full from what is good. Verse 15 says, drink water from your own cistern.
Cistern is a big, they would carve these out, they would hold water. Drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets. Now, this is for the person who is married. That part of the strategy is drink water from your own cistern.
Now, that's actually deeply erotic language that if you get into the Hebrew, it's a little more explicit. But the, the, the, the, the, what he is saying there is that you need to have sex with your own wife. You need to drink yourself full from your own wife. And we apply that also. You need to drink yourself full from your own husband. Contrary to popular opinion from people who have never read the Bible, the Bible isn't anti-sex.
It's not. It's very pro-sex when it's in the design that God has made for it in marriage. I mean, you get to 1 Corinthians 7 and he makes, I mean, it's really practical. He says that you should, the only time you should abstain from sex in marriage is for the sake of prayer. And once you've had this season of prayer, quickly, quickly come back. Do not deny each other their conjugal rights is what he's getting at.
I mean, he, I mean, 1 Corinthians 7, 4, he says something that was so counter-cultural in its own day and is still counter-cultural today but for different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 7, 4 he says, for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. And in their day, 2,000 years ago, telling a Roman citizen that your wife has authority over your body for the sake of pleasure was crazy. I mean, you had a wife that you were married to that was for your line and your money and you had women on the side that were for your pleasure.
That was the Roman lifestyle and Paul just comes in and says, no, she has authority over your body for the sake of intimacy and it's still counter-cultural today. To say in a culture that promotes sexual self-autonomy that your spouse has authority over your body, that your husband has authority over your body, that your wife has authority over your body is outrageous. But that's because marriage is mysterious. It's a mystery. The two become one flesh in a way that you're bound together in a covenant of marriage where you absolutely do not deny one another, that you absolutely come together that you would love each other with erotic love.
That's the command that you would fight for this. I mean, you can look at the Song of Solomon and read that book and it upholds this erotic love that you would have between man and wife and Proverbs 5 gives us a snapshot of that. Going into the last three verses, it says, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. A lovely dear, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love.
And Solomon looks at his son and he says, rejoice in the wife of your youth. It, rejoice in her. She's a lovely doe, which I wouldn't use that as a come online. It doesn't translate for us today, but what he's getting at there is that she's graceful and beautiful. He says, he has erotic language. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.
At all times. That you would enjoy one another. That you would be so intoxicated with her love that she would stagger you. That she would knock you out. That is what he is getting at here. Now, I understand that sometimes this is difficult in marriage.
That there is sexual dysfunction that shows up in marriage. And it's one of the reasons that we absolutely, as pastors, are willing to meet with you and walk with you through that. We care about intimacy in marriage because there's a lot of different complexities to that. There's a lot of complexities at different stages in marriage where sex is difficult. We're absolutely willing to have that conversation and to help you see the truth of this. Because it's good for you and it's good for your spouse.
I had a professor in seminary. He mentioned this story one time where he had this woman in their church. They would always come up to him and say lots of nice things, flattering things. And his wife said, that woman likes you. And he's like, no, no, she's just being nice. And they just disagreed on him.
And what happened was is that every time that woman came up to him, she walked right up beside him and she stood right beside him. Every time, she stood in the way between him and destruction. Now he later recognized, he figured out, yeah, that woman actually did like me. But she wasn't going to wait for him to realize that. She took ownership of their sanctification and stood in the way between him and destruction. And he taught that as an application for marriage.
And what I found incredibly helpful when you apply this to the subject matter of intimacy is that you would love your spouse so much that you would stand in between them and destruction. that you would love them so much that you would stand in between them and fall into pornography. Stand in between them and somebody at their place of work. That you would love them. That you would pursue them. That you would let them drink you full. And you would drink them full.
That you would let them drink of your cistern. That you would apply this in a way that is for your good and for the good of your spouse. Now, Solomon, he makes this argument that sexual sin is delusional. That it leads to death. That you should distance yourself. And that you should drink from your own cistern.
Now, here's how it applies whether you are married or not. Whether you are in a marriage or whether you are seeking marriage or whether you are celibate. Here's how this applies. There is something far better than sex. Far better than even godly sex. Jeremiah teaches that we believe that God, that Jesus is a flowing fountain that is better than the broken cisterns that we have made for ourselves.
The broken cisterns that we have carved out, that we have hewn out for our self. And when you apply this to sex, what we believe is is the pinnacle of pleasure. The pinnacle of pleasure in this life is not erotic sex. It is not sexual fulfillment. We believe that the pinnacle, the highest pleasure, the highest good is oneness with Christ. It is the worship of our triune God.
So what that means is is the best sex you could ever have. The best possible sex you could ever have. Hear this. Pales in comparison to the pleasures of Christ. Pales in comparison. The feeling that you will have in His presence when you are in a glorified new heaven, new earth, new body.
The feeling that you will have before Christ for eternity is better than the temporary moment of pleasure in this life. You have to believe this. If you don't believe this, you will follow down the road to destruction. You will believe that sex is better than Jesus and it will take you to places that you never thought you would go. And the Bible sits here and it pleads with you to see Christ as better, to see worship of Him as better, to have an eternal mindset that looks at all of this and says, no, He's worth the denial of myself. He's worth the denial of my flesh.
He's worth my worship because it leads to life with Him and the other road to be bluntly leads to hell. Now, that's the Proverbs. I don't know if you've been with us in Proverbs. it speaks very bluntly and it speaks very bluntly about sexual sin and this is heavy and it is corrective, I know, in the sorest of places in our broken sexual stories. I know that hits in some really difficult places. That is why I am thankful that the Bible isn't reduced to the Proverbs, that we have the whole story. I'm thankful we read Proverbs in the light of the rest of Scripture.
There's a moment in Jesus' ministry in John 4 where He goes out of His way to Samaria which is way out of place for where He was going in His ministry. He goes to Samaria and He goes to this well outside of Samaria at the right time of the day to meet a specific person, a woman. And He meets this Samaritan woman at this well and they start talking about this well and she quickly realizes that He's not just talking about the well, He's talking about something bigger, that Jesus is teaching this concept of living water, that He provides living water, that what He provides is better than this world. And as He's teaching this concept that we just talked about, that worship of Him is better than anything else in this world, He points out something.
He points out her sexual brokenness. He says, yes, you've had five marriages and the man you're living with now is not your husband. He points that out. And in the midst of pointing out her sexual brokenness, He makes the offer. He says, worship me. I have living water that will satisfy you.
That you will be able to worship something that is so much better than anything this life could offer. And He makes that offer to us. Those of us that have sexually broken past, those of us who are living in a sexually broken present, Jesus makes the offer of living water to our souls. He makes the offer of grace to us. He stands at the well with you and says, I'm here. Would you drink of me?
I'm here. I've got grace. I know your story. I know your brokenness. I know the darkest moments, the darkest thoughts, the darkest things in your soul. I've seen it and I want you.
I want you to drink of this well. He makes that offer that you might come and taste and see that He is better than sex. That you might see that His blood, that it washes away our sin. We're about to sing a song that says, What can wash away our sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. He makes that offer that in our sexual brokenness, there is blood that covers us if you come to Him.
And my hope is that you would. My hope is that you would come to Him. He has grace for our sexual brokenness. He has healing for our stories. and He offers a better one for you. And my hope is you take it today. The band is going to come up.
And I just want us to take a few moments and I want us to sit in that reality. Some of you have heard this and this feels so foreign to you because the gospel feels foreign. I want you to know very clearly that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to be broken, His blood to be shed for you so that you would not be enslaved to the pleasures of this world but you might find freedom in Christ. My hope this morning is that you would place faith in Him. That you would not delay. That you would not chase the road of sexual sin to death.
He offers life. He is at the well. My hope is that you would drink the water. There are those of us that hear this, that hear really the bluntness of Proverbs and we feel the brokenness in our souls. We are reminded of things that happened last night, that happened last week. We are reminded of things that happened years ago.
When you place faith in Jesus, do you know what He sees in the midst of your most sexually broken moments? You know what God the Father sees? For those of us who are in Christ, He sees the spotless, perfect record of the Lamb. He sees your sin covered by His blood. There is grace for our brokenness. There is grace for our sin. receive it.
Know that He's covered your sin. And in the grace that He gives you, may you look at the costly nature of His blood and say, I don't want this lifestyle of sexual. I don't want pornography. I don't want continuous, empty sex. I want Jesus. For those of you that are working through broken parts of your marriage, Jesus stands at the well.
He wants to bring healing to your story. You can't bring healing to your story unless you start to walk in the light. You need people in your group. You need to have some conversations with your group leaders, maybe with some of us as pastors, so that you can see the beautiful design of sex for your marriage and the intimacy that it brings for you. My hope is that we'd sit for the next few moments as we hear these words, that we allow the Holy Spirit to go to work on our hearts and we'd respond. Let me pray.
Lord, we love You. We pray that You would absolutely go to work on our hearts. There is so much brokenness in this room, so much brokenness in my heart and the hearts of those who are here. We need You. For those who have not believed, God, I pray You'd open their heart this morning that they might believe. For those that are wrestling with sexual sin, I pray they'd see all of this.
It's delusional, but it does not bring joy. I pray that we'd see the danger of it. I pray that we would absolutely flee from it. That You go to work on our heart right now, that in our community groups this week, that You would bring stuff to light, that we would walk through together. Lord, bring healing so we desperately need it. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Amen.