Malachi Week 4: Marital Fidelity
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
My name is Spencer I'm one of the pastors here I hope you all had a good weekend especially the women who are on women's retreat I hope that was a blessing to you yeah some of you had a little more fun than others and I just want to let you know that my children are good at cleaning up toilet paper so we're going to be in Malachi 2: 10 through 16 this morning you can go ahead and turn there it's on page 467 our blue Bibles uh the text will be on the screen as.
Well as we walk this together as we're continue to walk through these different disputes that God has with his people through his Prophet Malachi I think Americans and Southerners are fairly okay with unsolicited advice and opinions uh for the most part like I think it like if I'm in the line at cookout somebody comes to me and says hey did you know that you can like upgrade your drink to a milkshake for a dollar more I welcome that I say B blessed and highly favored this is amazing that.
For $8 you can get a milkshake a cheeseburger and french fries and chicken quesadilla and sure the long-term Outlook isn't great but the short-term benefit is wonderful I appreciate anyone who's willing to give me such good news on opinions like that I think there's a lot of different areas that if someone were to speak into your life you'd welcome that and you'd be thankful that they pointed out something that was so helpful I do think it has its limits though there's a few different areas that.
If someone's looking over your shoulder and says hey this you go no uh uh mind your business like that's just I think there's a few different areas two in particular are money and romance right so if someone wants to speak into how you spend your money typical God American response is I made that money I'll I'll spend it how well please mind your business like if someone wants to come and speak into your marriage address speaking of your relationship you're like ah no I'm good you You' you've stepped over the line like I think that's kind of two general areas I think that we're not.
Okay with I mean if I'm honest like if someone want to helpfully come alongside me look at our budget and say I've looked at your budget and I have have a few suggestions on how you can cut costs here here and here that my gut instinct would be thank you for your opinion which is my stock way it's like my phrase for saying I'm I'm good with what you have said so some of you have heard me say that to you.
Now you know going forward if I say thank you for your opinion it's I'm good like I'm I'm moving on from this right I just think there's something in us that just doesn't want those two areas to be touched and Malachi says oh yeah well how about I talk about both of them uh intensely for a couple of chapters and that's what we're we're waiting into now is in the next few weeks uh we're going to look at God speaking into the marriages of the people and also the money and the finances of the people and he's coming.
For both of them so this week specifically in this third dispute we're going to see God speaking to the marriages of the people and there's a part of us that's going to want to say mind your business but Malachi is going to say do you belong to God okay then no I'm going to speak into this and I'm going to speak into the relationships amongst the people of God so we're going to see how God addresses the people and their marriages.
And then as the Church how we get to look at this and see how it applies to us today so let me pray for us then we'll walk through this together Heavenly Father we thank you for being able to come and worship you and sing praises to you offer up prayers of Thanksgiving to you and also that we get to receive your word God I pray that you'd help us receive it for it is a difficult word just as it was.
For the people of God thousands of years ago may you help us receive it and walk this out in faith and in Repentance and in worship and delighting in you ultimately because you were worthy of it we ask this in Jesus name amen all right so Chad finished up the second dispute last week where God is uh correcting the priesthood the priesthood at the time was uh conducting a charade they were they were simply going through the motions of worship it wasn't real true heart worship wasn't offering the sacrifices they were supposed to.
But they were facilitating this system and God calls out the priest priesthood for their failures and then he shifts into this third dispute picking up here in verse 10 have we not all one father has not one God created us why then are we faithless to one another profaning the Covenant of our fathers now other versions will say why do we deal treacherously or why do we betray one another that at the beginning of this dispute he is dealing with some of the the faithlessness that's happening to one another that he establishes very early on in Malachi that he is the.
Father of this nation he's the father of the Jewish people that means that they are the family of God and they should treat one another as family but they're not doing this like they are supposed to there's faithlessness happening towards one another and then he shifts this into two specific areas starting in verse 11 Judah has been faithless an Abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which he loves and has married the daughter of a foreign.
God may the Lord cut off from the tent of Jacob and any descendant of the man who does this who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts and the first area he's going to address is the intermarriages that have happened amongst the people of God they have married the daughters of foreign Gods now there are Skeptics that will lch on to this and see see your God is against interracial marriage your God is an ethnocentric God and that's completely misreading the text this has nothing to do with Jewish people marrying Persians this has everything to do with marrying someone who does not worship the one true.
God that is embedded into the Old Testament law this teaching that says you shall marry someone who also loves the Lord with all their heart with all their soul with all my you should absolutely enter into marriage only with those who have the same Faith this is in Deuteronomy 7 it's in multiple places but we're going to just see one in Deuteronomy 7 it says you shall inter you shall not intermar with them giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters.
For your sons for they would turn away your sons from following me to serve other gods then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you and he will destroy you quickly so it's this teaching of do not marry foreigners who worship foreign gods don't do this the people are far too weak in their faith they're far too weak to marry someone who doesn't share the same God I mean they this in Deuteronomy when they received that law that's just after.
God did this miraculous wonderful work bringing them out of Egypt that we got to walk through in Exodus last year and he brings them out and they immediately they're not even amongst the people of the the surrounding Nations it's just them and their God in the wilderness they worship a golden calf he says do not settle the land of Mary forn wives because you were far too weak to do this now the reason they would have wanted to do this and the reason why this was common at the time was.
If you're going to settle into a new area if you're going to be with people who are not of your own it was advantageous for you to marry off your daughters your Sons because that helped establish trade that helped establish treaties that helped establish covenants with other people so that you could live in peace with another and so that everyone could Prosper so there was a financial advantage there was a Prosperity advantage to actually marrying someone who worships a foreign God.
But it came at the cost of their own faith and the reason we know this is because of the whole rest of the Old Testament like the whole rest of the Old Testament is the people of God inter are Maring with the foreign people and worshiping their gods and setting up asholes and and making sacrifices to ba and giving child sacrifices sacrificing their own children to the God Malik all these surrounding Gods from around the surrounding Nations they get pulled into that worship I mean Nehemiah.
When he's addressing this which is really just before the the prophet of Malachi Nehemiah when he's addressing this uses Solomon as the prime example he says in Nehemiah 13 He says did not Solomon king of Israel sin on account of such women among many nations there was no King like him and he was beloved by his God and God made him King over all Israel nevertheless foreign women made even him to sin and he says Solomon who was the wisest King we ever had Solomon who was a great king the the downfall of Solomon and ultimately the splitting apart of the Kingdom of Israel in Judah came down to the fact that he chose to.
Establish relationships with foreign countries foreign peoples by bringing in their daughters and marrying those wives and ultimately he worships their gods and he says if Solomon has fallen into this what shot do y'all have what are we thinking what are we doing here who you want to marry is not your free choice does not matter if you love them does not matter if you think it's going to gain you some financial advantage it's going to establish some treaty with a different people the most important aspect of who you marry is who they worship that is the most important aspect of marriage who they worship.
Because marriage is not just a two-party Covenant it's not just a two-party agreement it is a three-party covenant it is man wife and God and that's clear throughout the Scriptures God is the centerpiece of marriage and the reason why is because marriage ultimately is a picture it's ultimately a smaller picture the bigger picture which is God's love for his people the marriage reflects that bigger reality God's love for his people Ephesians 5 so beautifully teaches that when it begins with husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up.
For her that ultimately marriage is this picture of God's sacrificial love that God loves his people so much that he gave up his son to be crushed for his people that sacrificial love of God for his people gets to be reflected in marriage it is bigger than than ourselves and that is why from the Old Testament into the New Testament the teaching is the same when you get to First cor or second Corinthians 6 Paul teaches the same thing from the Old Testament in.
Verse 14 and following he sayso not be unequally yolked with unbelievers for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness or what Fellowship has light with Darkness what Accord has Christ with bellal that's another name for Satan what portion does a Believer share with an unbeliever what agreement has the temple of God with Idols we are the Temple of the Living God and he says don't be unequally Yol don't marry someone who is not a Believer don't marry someone who does not love Christ like you do and he has pretty Sharp Images here what partnership is righteousness with lawlessness fellowship with uh light with light versus Darkness Christ versus the evil one you're sons of.
God and if you're not in Christ the Bible says you're Sons and Daughters of Disobedience what what are we you don't have a share with them they don't love God they worship idols and this teaching gets pulled into the New Testament because the Covenant of marriage is not just man and wife it is man and wife and our covenant God now for us maybe you're single and you you desire to be married and maybe you've made a list of things that you value in a spouse maybe you're like I you know I want him to be financially secure and to have a good 10year plan or I want him to brush his teeth I I.
Want her to laugh at my jokes and her laugh not be annoying like I just I I don't know whatever that is for your list like I don't maybe you got a list of things where it's like I I want this and I want that I want this I want that I'm not going to compromise on this or that or this or that but let me tell you something if Jesus is not at the top of that list if at the top of your list isn't do do they love Christ and not just say they are a Christian.
But love him and display him with the fruit of the spirit that they they are committed to the people of God in the local Church that they he that he is uh or she is uh immersed in his word and loves him if that's not at the top of the list of whom you are going to marry then I'll just be honest you're doing it wrong that do they love Christ that is the most pinnical question so much so that if you have that as the question every anything else on the list is he tall enough is she is she fing the blank that those pale in comparison to Christ.
And so much so that that some of those other things become less important because it's not that this man loves Jesus and this woman loves Christ I don't care if he's not 6'2 he's worth that so have that as a category so deeply in your mind as you're thinking through this because what will inevitably happen is you'll start to justify who you want to marry you'll start to make compromises you'll say yeah he says he's a Christian and I mean you he got burned by the Church he's Church her from a few years ago.
But like you know he does want to read his Bible and you he kind of part goes hard in the weekend but like I don't know like I can probably win him over a little bit I can probably win her sway her a little bit over you know if you if we progress into this then I we know we I'll start reading the Bible with them we'll pray together like when we get married like I'll I'll get them involved in our community group it'll be fine we'll work we'll work it out.
And while God in his grace does sometime use spouses to lead their other spouse to Christ that does happen I would also say that that is very much a cautionary tale because it also goes arise so often and there's so many ways that if you choose to marry someone that does not love Christ where your values are ultimately going to be petted against theirs in ways that you didn't see coming I mean very practically when you go to raise children one day.
When you go to raise children one day and you want to raise them in the faith and you want to take them and bring them here on Sundays you want to uh let them be involved in kids City and in student Ministries it's going to be very hard if you've married someone who says Nah I think I'm going to take him hunting this Sunday I think that's more important is our father son experience so I'm going to take him hunting this Sunday it's going to be very hard.
When you're trying to uh teach the Gospel to your children and and help them know who Christ is and he or she is undermining that at every turn and I got a buddy whose whose wife left him and clean I mean just cleaned his clock and the divorce and took the kids and she recanted the faith and she absolutely done everything to seow doubt in in her in in her in those kids' Minds with not just him but with Christ and he gets them once every two weekends and he does everything he can to display Christ to them.
But that's a reality you need to Grapple with before you choose spouse do they love Christ deeply if not then you're going to be in a difficult situation now if that is your situation the Bible does give us a word on this gives us a helpful uh Scripture from 1 Peter 3 it says likewise wives be subject to your own husband so that even if some do not obey the word they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.
When they see your respectful and pure conduct so we do have some some wonderful wisdom here for what happens if you're in a marriage where someone doesn't believe the Gospel and I'll be honest this is this is even more difficult for women because we teach that that that men are supposed to lead in marriage therefore she's supposed to follow him in submission in marriage and if he doesn't value Christ that gets r really tricky it's very difficult but we have a word here that says you wi the moed by the conduct meaning that you make.
Jesus look good in the way that you live and the way that you love your husband the way that you show respect and the way that you that we have a word here that says you get to display Christ and I think this is also down the line applicable to husbands as well that if you are married to someone who's not a believer that you get to display Jesus make Jesus look good by how you love your wife and when you do this there will be opportunities.
For you you to declare who Christ is but that's difficult and the reality is is that if you are single you should not sign up for that and if you are married you should absolutely take the words of First Peter and run with it as a as a life Anthem I'm going to display Christ in my marriage to my children I'm going to display Christ in my marriage to my spouse I'm going to pray unceasingly for my spouse I'm going to I'm going to love them.
And when times are hard and we have different values and he doesn't want this she doesn't want this I'm going to surround myself with Christian Community my group is going to be praying for me my group's going to be praying for my spouse but I'm going to stay in this because of the second big thing that Malachi addresses and that is that divorce is actually not an option and that is the second part of this the second part of this dispute with the marriages of the people and that is divorce picking up in.
Verse 13 and the second thing you do you cover the Lord's altar with tears with weeping and graning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand so there this is a lament from the people like we're offering worship we're doing the we we doing the things we're bringing it to you you're not finding favor upon us oh God and they end up asking why verse 14 but you say why does he not why has.
God not shown favor on us in our worship why is God not uh shining upon us why the Persians still rule over us what is happening why oh Lord and it says but because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless though she is your companion and your wife by Covenant did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit and their Union and what was the one God seeking Godly Offspring.
So guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her says the Lord the God of Israel covers His Garment with violence says the Lord of hosts so guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless all right that's a difficult text for various reasons that we're going to get to in a moment and it's vague at parts to kind of figure out what he's doing here let's start with the clearest implications from this text and what he's saying in.
Verse 14 he says because the Lord was witnessed between you and the wife of your youth to whom you've been faithless though she is your companion Your Wife by Covenant and what he just said was was a condemnation of the divorces that have happened amongst the people of God that you have been faithless to the wife of your youth you have divorced the wife of your youth that is what he's calling out here and then verse 15 it says did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their Union and he brings up that truth we just walked through it's a three-party covenant that my spirit was there.
When you join together I'm with you and you're breaking this apart this is Genesis 2 language the two became one flesh and God is with them in that Holy Union and you're breaking it apart that's not supposed to be and he goes on he says and what was the one God seeking Godly Offspring so guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth he says in this one flesh Union you're supposed to stay together you're supposed to have a Godly Offspring a Godly Legacy of faith that carries on from generation to generation to generation and this bless one flesh Union and here is where this gets.
Pretty difficult verse for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her says the Lord the God of Israel covers His Garment with violence says the Lord of hosts so guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless all right there's a lot going on here I want to be frank with you this is one of the most debated verses in the entire Bible okay so we got back up a little bit and understand how we get here.
So the Bible is translated mostly Greek and Hebrew a little bit Aramaic all right that's the original languages It Was Written in and they those Scriptures were recorded down and manuscripts the original manuscripts are lost to time however there's a very rich tradition of scribes copying down these Scriptures for thousands of years and it's guys there are more copies of the Bible around the world more manuscripts around the world than any other ancient document it's not even remotely close there's a rich tradition and what's crazy what's Wild is is that over 99% of all the different scripts and Scriptures that we have across the world from written in different centuries copy down and copy down.
And copy down over 99% of that when you line all of those words up they match every single I mean you I have a a community in Alexandria an ass syat Community here that wrote and recorded Scriptures for years and for years and for years when you line them up they line up like 99% just wonderfully dot for do Mark for Mark that's it's amazing the Holy Spirit has guided this for so long so wonderfully so reliably but every now.
Then every now and then you get two different texts and they say something different just a little bit so much so that's like actually they use this word here but this community used this word here but when you line them up together it's actually the exact same thing so we know that that's exactly what this means and there's a group of people that are huge Bible nerds called textual critics that devote their lives to these languages to make sure that we're understanding this is what the original text said we're able to trust our Bible.
So well but every now and then in the rarest of circumstances you're going to see two different textual Traditions that line up and you're going to go oh okay what's being said here is two different things and there's a whole like Rich tradition of how to figure out what was the original meaning what was the original thing saying and verse 16 is one of the RAR circumstances where it's like oh boy this is actually something where there's two different meanings here and I want to walk through them the.
First here is what we read in the ESV the ESV says for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her says the Lord the God of Israel covers her garment with violence says the Lord so what's being taught there and what's being displayed there is that when a man divorces his wife he shows a great Act of hatred towards his wife he shows a great lack of love a great hatred towards his wife and ultimately covers the Garment of violence and that's the euphemism.
For cruelty dishonoring her so that's one way to read this text then there's another way to read this text and I want to read a few different versions that capture this different idea starting with the nesb for I hate divorce says the Lord the God of Israel and him who covers His Garment with violence well that's different God hates divorce and he hates the man that that hatred is extended towards the man who covers his wife with a garment of violence who who ultimately dishonors her like this the ne captures that as.
Well I hate divorce says the Lord God of Israel and the one who is guilty of violence says the Lord who rules over all the NLT which is a which is a solid paraphrase of the Bible says for I hate divorce says the Lord the God of Israel and then it shifts a little bit it says to divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty so it moves a little bit away from God's hatred towards divorce to the man who does it to God's haes divorce and this act is a Act of hatred towards his wife.
Now God hating divorce and the man involved in it and this being an act of hatred towards her spouse are actually two different meanings and the rarest of circumstances in the Scriptures you got to figure out okay well which one because those are different and I'm not going to shock you here I'm not a textual critic scholar I know some of yall were thinking that like this guy he's just so wise no I'm nowh like that that is so far above my pay rate like I even.
If I tried really hard like I I was in classes with some of those guys in seminary and I was like I'm I'm I ain't doing that like I've got no business in being in classes with these guys so we're not we we're not skilled enough to look at this and go I you you know I based on the original language A or B okay and what happens is sometimes in these rare circumstances in the Bible what we'll do is okay.
Well I need to pick one and I want to go in my gut and I don't like the idea that God hates divorce and hates the one who's divorced so I'm I I don't I don't know about that I I'd rather go with the other option this is an act of hatred so what do you do in situations like this I think you first look at the context of the passage and kind of see what's clearly being taught and then you back away from the text and you take the text against the whole teaching of the Scriptures and you realize that actually I think both of those have truth to them I think.
If you look at the whole of the Scriptures I think you're going to see God does hate divorce and also it is an act of Cruelty towards the one who's involved so let's look at context directly and then we'll kind of back out a little more so one thing that's very clear from directly from Malachi divorce was not a part of the original plan for marriage there's a reason God used uses Genesis language here did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit and their Union in.
Verse 15 there's a reason that shows up this was not a part of the original design oh Jewish people you're doing this and you're not you're not you're not in line with how God originally designed this to be this beautiful Covenant is meant to last a lifetime it's meant to reflect something bigger than yourselves so so marriage is meant to be it it divorce is not a part of the original plan the second that's very clear from this context divorce and their context harmed women it harmed women.
Now some commentators will push this and they say well what's actually happening here is that the people of God when they settled back into the promised land they weren't like you know the elites they weren't part of the social you know they didn't have all the money and Prestige and what the some of these men were doing some of these Jewish men were divorcing their Jewish wives so they could marry Persian wives of Greater status to advance and I think that's a fine way to.
Look at this I don't know if you could really say that with certainty that that's exactly what happened here but what is clear is that divorce harmed women you can see that historically you can see it in the Scriptures it it it made them it it took them like back then it's not like that not not a lot of women could survive on their own without a husband that just that just was the reality so that harmed their ability to provide.
For themselves if they were widowed and and they divorc that stigmatized them stigmatized them greatly so they might not get remarried that that also meant that if they didn't have sons they didn't have social security because that was your Social Security back then if you didn't have sons you didn't have a way to provide for yourself so divorce harmed women it was indeed an act of Cruelty towards your wife and there was a lot of you see this being pulled all the way into the time.
When Jesus comes along of woman being divorced just for you know because she burnt the food I mean just some some heinous things that were happening happening so I think in the direct context you can see that very clearly but when you zoom out and you look at this in the context of the rest of the Scriptures I think it becomes pretty clear that God actually he does not like divorce this is not a part of his original plan and when.
Jesus is being challenged on this in Matthew 19 this is what he says so clearly he says verse 6 so they are no longer two but one flesh what what therefore God has joined together let not man separate and he's pretty plain with this let let no man separate this don't tear what has been brought together the marriage is meant to be a lifelong Covenant that God's ultimate desire is for that marriage to continue now I know when I say all of that some of you who know your Bible are like wait a.
Second though I I think the New Testament gives us like like two different two different uh reasons for a Biblical divorce and that is correct we've taught on this in the past this is not the first time we've taught on the subject matter and we've gone more into detail on our in our Matthew 19 sermon on this about some of these allowances there's the porn clause in Matthew 19 which is dealing with gross sexual immorality and then you've got in uh 1 Corinthians 7 abandonment by an unbelieving spouse these are two that we we've taught on in the past.
But I don't want to spend time in that because we've done this before and I'd point you to those sermons because m Malachi isn't nuancing here Malachi is speaking very plainly here he is arguing against divorce and the harm that it causes and that is a faithless act now I understand I understand that teaching that a is deeply unpopular in our culture and B is not done at a vacuum meaning it's not done in a neutral environment we don't have like we have pre-loaded experiences and opinions like I I get that I I I know it's deeply unpopular and the reason it's deeply unpopular is.
Because marriage in this culture is so much about happiness it's it is about your personal uh happiness and joy and that and that is the air that we breathe it's in all the the media that we consume it's in the stories that we live in that marriage is about personal happiness and when marriage fails to make you personally happy then get out move on you don't want to live a whole life that's not happy move on to something that brings you more happiness and that's the very air that we breathe in the context of the marriage that we understand in our culture.
Therefore preaching this right here makes that deeply unpopular and I also know it's not done in a vacuum if you're like me some of you are children of divorce and I mean my parents got divorced when I was four and two Christmases is pretty sweet but outside of that it kind of stinks it's pretty painful it's hard there's a lot of just of suffering that comes along with that for the years that follow and the years that follow into adulthood right and I'm also know that that some of you have walked through divorce and the pain of divorce and I understand how difficult this is and we don't approach this neutrally at all.
And while it is very difficult Malachi is not nuancing and I think it's for a reason it's to feel the force that really shows up in verse 16 for the man who does not love his wife but divorces her says the Lord the God of Israel covers her with a garment of violence says the Lord so hear this guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless we want our soul our spirit to be so United with Christ that he guards us from this Folly that he guards us from this path that he defends us that he keeps us guards us I mean we we want to embody what Ephesians 5 teaches to be.
A people that understands that God's his God's place in marriage in the first place but what that means is is that we have to trust God over our own cultural instincts over what we want we have to actually trust God and that is hard to guard ourselves in your spirit and to not be faithless requires trusting God's word when we don't want to because here's the reality if you get all of your romantic desires if you get to marry the man or the woman that you want to marry even though they don't love Christ.
And if you get to end the marriage that you don't want to be in if you get those things ultimately you will get what you want but you will engage in something that is faithless towards Christ and you miss the point all together and the plea from the Scriptures here is don't don't trade your faith in for a fiance don't trade your freedom in your faith in for some for a freedom that that ultimately will not satisfy don't do it It ultimately displays a level of unbelief where we just don't trust God's word I don't care what God's word says I don't care what the Bible says you don't know my situation you don't know.
How hard this is ultimately is a step of Faith to trust God and persevere in a marriage that is difficult ultimately for our good it is difficult to walk in singl and finally find someone who likes you and and and makes you feel good and then to have to look and see they don't belong to Christ and make that decision I can't be with this person it takes a faith to trust God that ultimately his word is better than our own desires and that's difficult it's very difficult I mean you ask pastors I I'm right.
Now I'm taking classes and I'm reading all these pastors who are in these counseling books and it's just like it's clear the most difficult situation that a pastor is probably ever going to face one of the most consistently difficult situations is going to be marriage and divorce hands down this is extremely difficult but we can trust him and we can believe that he is good and that what he holds out in front of us though we don't want it ultimately is good and we can as that text ends as this dispute ends guard ourselves and our spirit and not be faithless I want to end with going to 2 Thessalonians 3 and I want to.
Read this and I want to pray this over our Church because this passage has some some some connections and language to this difficult dispute that I think is helpful to receive I'm going to read this first and then we'll pray I'm going to pray this over Us 2 Thessalonians 3 3-5 it says but the Lord is faithful God is faithful y'all he's faithful towards us even when we are faithless he will establish you and guard you against the evil one that our.
God does he would defend us from the evil one who would love to Snuff out the flame of faith in our lives he will guard us verse four and we have a we have confidence in the Lord about you that you are doing and will do the things that we command that God has a confidence that ultimately we will walk in obedience even when it is difficult verse 5 May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ may.
God direct our hearts towards his deep Abiding Love and the steadfastness of Christ so bow our heads and I want to pray this over us as we close out heavenly father with such a difficult teaching I pray that you'd help us have Open Hearts to receive this may we love you so deeply because you are faithful God you are faithful you are faithful despite of our desires in spite of our desires you are faithful may you establish us oh Lord may you guard us against the evil one who would love.
For us to end up in marriages that we should not be in who would love for us to choose our own instincts over trusting you may we do your will and keep your Commandments by trusting you with both our singleness but also with marriages that are the source of so much pain or may those who have been through divorce even divorce for unbiblical reasons may you direct our hearts to your love and to your steadfastness that we might even though we have failed even though we have suffered even though we've walked through some of those difficult moments of Our Lives.
When we persevere in faith even when in the past we may have acted faithlessly may we be a people who allow you into the most sensitive areas of our lives so that we may be faithful in all things and may you guard Us by the power of your spirit working in us that we might be faithful amen B's going to come up and we're going to take the Lord's Supper no doubt this sermon touches on some of the sorest regions of our souls and our stories and I just want you to.
Remember that our God is good he is worthy of our trust and our faith and in faith even when we have sinned even when we have misstep even when we have Str strayed from the path even when we've not obeyed God's word in faith Jesus gives the invitation come to the table that if you belong to Christ the table is open for you you don't have to come forth in shame but you can to come forth in the grace that covers you and the shame that was born on Christ on the cross.
Then the night that he was betrayed he took bread and he broke it and said this is my body that was broken for you and he took the blood he took the the the the cup which is the cup of the New Covenant he said this is my blood that was shed for you that is often you eat and drink this you Proclaim my death until I return so we get to come to the table no matter what your story is no matter where you are.
If if you believe and you belong to Christ you get to come to the table and Praise Jesus that even when we're faithless no matter what we're walking through even though when we're Sinners and we no matter what we're walking through that God's love is sufficient and his grace is enough so you get to come to the table and you get to take of this remember our savior whatever you're walking through through out of that Grace and that mercy and that kindness that.
Jesus shows us we get to ask Lord the difficult questions we get to ask him Lord what do you want for me what is faithfulness what is obedience and then we get to walk that together out as the Church if you're not a Christian we don't want you to take part in the Lord's Supper we want you to take part in Christ because he's worthy of it and trusting him is ultimately better than anything this world has to offer so when you are ready come to the table there's free in that back corner.
Ruth 4: Redemption
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
My name is Spencer and I am one of the pastors here. We're going to be in the final chapter of the book of Ruth. That's chapter 4. That's on page 128 in a blue Bible that may be around you. If you don't have a Bible at home, please take that as a gift to you. I want you to have a Bible that you can read.
But we're going to be finishing out Ruth today. My wife loves happy endings. When we watch movies, if it does not have a happy ending, it is a wash. It doesn't matter that the beginning, middle, all the way up towards the end was good. If it does not end correctly, the movie was terrible. We have a difference of opinion there.
But what I've realized is that she's not alone. There are a lot of people that really want to see a happy ending. And yeah, all right. So if that's you, you're going to really appreciate Ruth. Because it does indeed have a happy ending. If you have not been here the last few weeks or you've missed some, let me recap a little bit of where we've been in Ruth.
There are three central figures in this story. The first central figure is Naomi. So Naomi and her family, they live in Bethlehem in Israel. And a famine strikes the land. And they decide to survive. They have to leave.
They leave Bethlehem and they go to Moab. Moab is not in Israel. It is actually enemy territory. The Moabites and the Israelites fought quite a bit. So in order to survive, they go amongst the people that are not their own, even hostile to them.
And while they are there, they settle down for a bit. So her sons marry Moabite wives. One of them marries Ruth. Ruth is the second major figure in the story. Probably knew that from the title of the book. But she is a Moabite.
And they settle down. And after this, tragedy strikes. So Naomi loses her husband Elimelech. He dies. And then both of her sons die. So after this, in the aftermath, it tells us that there actually is bread again in Israel.
The famine is over. And Naomi decides, I'm going back amongst my own people. As a widow who is poor, who doesn't have any really hope in front of her. She says, I'm going to go back amongst my own people. And she tells her daughter-in-law, stay. You're Moabite.
Stay amongst your own people. And Ruth says, no. No, I'm going with you. Where you go, I will go. Where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people.
Your God shall be my God. And where you die, I will die. And there, I will be buried. She loves her mother-in-law, Naomi. She is loyal to her. And she follows her back to Israel.
And to get back to Bethlehem, we're introduced to the third major figure in this story. And that is Boaz. Boaz, we learn very quickly, is a worthy man. He is a good man. And he is a close relative of Naomi's late husband, Elimelech. So Ruth goes to glean in his barley fields amidst the barley harvest.
Gleaning is just picking up the remainders from the field. And when Boaz realizes that's Ruth who's gleaning in his field, he says, you're not just going to glean. I've heard your story. I know what you did, the kindness you did to Naomi. You are taking as much as you can handle back with you today. And then Ruth goes home with as much barley as she can handle.
And Naomi's like, who is this from? She's from the fields of Boaz. And Boaz, in that moment, Naomi says, all right, she hatches a plan. And this plan is a pretty bold thing. That in that very night, Ruth is to go back and she is to propose. And that's what we sat last week in chapter 3.
That Ruth goes back and has this bold marriage proposal to Boaz. And the cliffhanger from chapter 3 to chapter 4 that we've been waiting for all week is that Boaz says, I want us to settle this matter the very next day. But there is a redeemer who is closer, a closer relative of Elimelech, a closer relative of Naomi. And he says, we're going to have to settle this matter tomorrow. And I'll explain more of this in a moment. This is what Chet walked us through last week.
But that is chapter 4 as we launch into seeing how this story is going to conclude. Is Boaz going to end up with Ruth? And as we witness the conclusion of this story, I want us to actually realize and see by the end of this that this is a bigger picture of redemption that it points to and why this story is actually really good for us. Let me pray for us. And then we will walk through the text together. God, I thank you for the scriptures.
They give us a picture of who you are, how good you are to us. May we listen. May you go to work in our hearts. May we respond in faith and repentance and in worship. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, so start off in chapter 4, verse 1.
Now, Boaz had gone up to the gate and sat down there. And behold, the Redeemer of whom Boaz had spoken came by. So Boaz said, turn aside, friends. Sit down here. And he turned aside and sat down. All right, so Boaz meant what he said.
I'm going to settle this matter today. He does not waste any time. Now, this closer relative, this Redeemer figure, is a closer relative to Ruth's late husband, Malon, and Naomi's late husband, Elimelech. Now, we don't get his name. We just know he's the next in line Redeemer. So Boaz goes straight to the gate.
The gate in their culture was the place where it was a little bit part town square, where people gathered, part courthouse, where matters were settled, where transactions and disputes were handled. So he goes straight there. He finds the Redeemer. And then he pivots to the situation to settle the matter at hand. So this is what Chet walked us through last week with this Redeemer language.
Because there's two different threads that are packed into this word Redeemer. And there are two parts of the Old Testament. The first that we're going to see in a moment has to do with land redemption. This comes out of Leviticus 25. Land, this is what Chet explained last week, is very important. It's very important to the people of God.
When God settles the promised land, and the 12 tribes settle different areas of the promised land, within those 12 tribes are individual clans and families that have individual land parcels. And land was important because that was what your lineage was tied to. That was the inheritance. That's how you were provided for your family and your children and your children's children. It was very important for land to stay within the family. And in this specific instance, Naomi is going to need her land redeemed.
That's the first part of redemption that is tied into this word Redeemer. The second has to do with something called Leveret marriage. This comes from Deuteronomy 25. Leveret marriage code. Leveret just means brother-in-law. And what Deuteronomy 25 teaches is that if you have a husband and a wife, and they have no son, and the husband dies.
If she has no son, she has really no hope in front of her. Like financially, widows and their culture were poor. They didn't have anyone to take care of them. Your son was going to be the one that would take care of you. He was going to be the one that inherited the land. He was the one that was going to end up providing for you in your older age.
So not having a son is a very big deal. So God built into the Old Testament law that if this was the case, if your husband died and you had no son, that the next close relative, which would be the brother, would marry his sister-in-law. He would marry her. And that was to provide for widows, but it was also to perpetuate the name of, to sustain the line of the deceased brother. And what would happen is, is the firstborn son of this new marriage would legally belong to his late brother. He would get the inheritance.
In the future, he would get the land. He would sustain and perpetuate the name of that deceased brother. That's weird to us. We look at that like, I don't know about that. Some of y'all are thinking, I ain't have it in our family if that happens. Like, I don't know.
Like, it's strange to us, but this is God's way of providing, of taking care of his people so that the names of families would not be blotted out in Israel, that they would be sustained and carry on. So, that's what is happening when it says redeemer. And a lot of times the phrase here is kinsman redeemer. That's what's happening in this passage. That's what Chet walked us through last week. And that's what Boaz is here to settle because there's a closer relative that is in line to do this before him.
And that's where we pick up in verse 2. And he took ten men of the elders of the city and said, Sit down here. So, they sat down. So, every village, every town in Israel is going to have different elders, different men that oversee the town's affairs. They're the rulers, the leaders in that town. That's still the case in many parts of the world.
You go to different cultures in the Middle East and in Africa. There are villages that have elders that still do this today. They're the ones that settle disputes that handle the matters of the town. So, he's got the redeemer and he's got the elders and now they're about to see some legal proceedings. So, if you geek out about, if you like Judge Judy or like the back end of every Law and Order episode, get excited because we're about to see some legal proceedings that go down in verse 3 and beyond. So, pick up in verse 3.
It says, Then he said to the redeemer, so this is Boaz talking to the redeemer, in front of the elders. Then he said to the redeemer, Naomi, who has come back from the country of Moab, is selling the parcel of land that belonged to our relative, Elimelech. So, I thought I would tell you of it and say, buy it in the presence of those sitting here, in the presence of the elders of my people. If you will redeem it, redeem it. But if you will not, tell me that I may know, for there's no one besides you to redeem it, and I come after you.
So, we're dealing with the land aspect first. That's the first part of redemption, which for us, we're not excited about that. We want to know if he's going to end up with Ruth. We've got to wait. They're going to handle this land stuff first. And it says, And he said, this is the redeemer responding, I will redeem it.
I will redeem it. Okay. So, Naomi, in this transaction, is selling this parcel of land. We don't know the exact situation of what has gone into this. We don't know if she, if Elimelech sold this, her husband sold this before he went to Moab in order to pay for their trip. We don't know if they sold the rights to it.
We don't know if Naomi owns this, but it just needs the money because she can't sustain it. We don't know exactly. We do know that Naomi is in deep poverty, and this is the redemption that she needs in order so that she can survive. So, while this is an incredible kindness for this redeemer to step in and say, I will redeem it. And it is. It is a kindness.
It is also an opportunity. This is a financial investment for this redeemer. One commentator puts it this way. He says, Since Naomi had no heir, when she died, the land would revert to his family and be passed on to his heirs. And the money put forth for the land would be an investment on future returns. So, it's a kindness, but it's also an investment.
Naomi doesn't have any heirs. So, when she dies in this transaction, the land will become his. And it's a way for him to, you know, future investments, y'all. Better and more sound than crypto is land, right? So, he's like, I'll do it. I will be the one that redeems it.
And then Boaz, I don't know why he doesn't do this all in one clip, but he goes, Well, it's a bit of a catch. And he gives the curveball in verse 5. He says, Then, Boaz said, The day you buy the field from the hand of Naomi, you also acquire Ruth, the Moabite, the widow of the dead, in order to perpetuate the name of the dead in his inheritance. And he throws in that curveball. He says, This is a package deal. This is land redemption alongside of this leveret marriage duty.
That phrasing, to perpetuate the name of the dead is inheritance. That is straight out of the leveret marriage code in Deuteronomy 25. Which means that this is going to be costly. This is not just land redemption. It means that Ruth and the kinsman redeemer, that their firstborn son will take the inheritance. It will take the land that he just agreed to redeem.
So all that kindness and that money that he puts in that land, once he produces a son, is going to go to him and that son will legally belong to Elimelech and Malon and that line. So this is no longer a good investment for him. This is actually going to be costly. Not to mention if he produces any more children with Ruth, that's going to, if he has his own children, it's going to tie up a lot of different things. It's going to mess with his inheritance and the redeemer considers all of this and then in verse 6 he says, then the redeemer said, I cannot redeem it for myself lest I impair my own inheritance.
Take my right of redemption yourself for I cannot redeem it. So once he hears that, kindness becomes too costly. He can't do it. He's not going to impair his own inheritance. He says, you do it. Boaz, you be the one that actually steps in and redeems.
And Boaz has been waiting for this and he absolutely is ready to redeem. Verse 7, now, this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging. To confirm a transaction, the one drew off his sandal and gave it to the other. And this was the manner of attesting in Israel. I appreciate that it says that at the end and this was the manner of attesting in Israel because a lot of times in the Bible it'll just give you some kind of, like you hear a sandal, take off your sandal, pass it. You're like, oh, that's weird.
What are you talking about? And sometimes the Bible goes, alright, next verse. It says, this was a manner of attesting. And the most helpful commentary explanation I heard was this is basically like a title exchange which me having a real estate background was very easy for me to understand. When you buy a property, you have, there's a title with that property and it's exchanged and it gets recorded with the county. Alright?
So, he took off the sandal and they even said like, these are the shoes that would walk the property off with. So, they would survey the property and they'd have their sandal and they'd say, alright, here is the title, here is the exchange. We don't know that, if that's 100% exactly what it is, we do know that this is the official way to seal the deal. I just like the real estate explanation because that was the best one I found. So, that seals the deal officially. The sandals have been exchanged and then in verse 8 it says, so, when the Redeemer said to Boaz, buy it for yourself, he drew off his sandal.
Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, you are witnesses this day that I have bought from the hand of Naomi all that belong to Elimelech and all that belong to Kilion and the Mehalon, meaning, it's done. The land redemption is done. He is taking care of Naomi. He is buying this land to take care of her and then in verse 10, the moment we've been waiting for. Also, Ruth the Moabite, the widow of Mehalon, I have bought to be my wife to perpetuate the name of the dead and his inheritance that the name of the dead may not be cut off from among his brothers and from the gate of his native place.
He's done it. Like Boaz, he is going to be the Kansman redeemer. He is going to be the one that restores Elimelech and Melah. He's the one who's going to redeem Naomi. And he says, you are witnesses this day. then all the people who are at the gate and the elders said, we are witnesses. And then they give a blessing.
May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah. That's a blessing, y'all. Rachel and Leah are the matriarchs of the people of Israel. Their line goes back to them. May you be blessed like them, like Rachel and Leah who together built up the house of Israel. May you act worthily in Ephrathah.
Which we don't know if Ephrathah is a part of Bethlehem or if that's just another name for Bethlehem. But that's just saying worthily in this land. And be renowned in Bethlehem. Verse 12, And may your house be like the house of Perez whom Tamar bore to Judah because of the offspring that the Lord will give you by this woman. Which that tie in is also incredible. Because this is the tribe of Judah.
They come from Judah. Their history goes back to Judah and Tamar which is the first leveret marriage story in the Bible. Not quite the same if you've read Genesis 38. Ruth is this is like Hallmark. And Genesis 38 is like an episode of Mari. Like it's it's a lot more it's a lot rowdier a lot sketchier.
And I've piqued your interest when you get down today go read Genesis 38. If you have questions come talk to me. But it's just cool that that's the story they come from. They're referencing that story purposely. Like that is where we come from is this lever this redemption that happened then and now you get to do this as well. And then the deal is done.
And I want you to imagine Boaz walking back Naomi and Ruth are probably waiting like just looking over the distance is he home yet? Is he coming? And then finally they see him and he's approaching and they're anxiously awaiting what's going to happen and he says it's done. I've settled the matter. Naomi your land has been redeemed you will be taken care of and Ruth I am your kinsman redeemer. I am redeeming you.
Let's get married. And in verse 13 it says so Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. Can you imagine what kind of wedding that might have been? how joyous that would have been? People know their back story. Have you ever seen or been to a wedding where there's a lot of joy but the backdrop is? There's a painful story of how it got to here.
And they're just people are just overjoyed seeing this beautiful redemption that is happening. And then it says and he went into her and the Lord gave her conception and she bore a son. that after all of this loss she has a son. Years ago my wife and I she went through a very painful miscarriage and it was a painful experience and then a year later we had our son. And being able to hold our son and the joyous moment that that was with the backdrop of the pain from the last year was powerful and that is this moment and then some after everything that they faced Naomi lost her husband. She lost her only sons.
She lost everything. Ruth lost her husband and she left her people and these widows went back poor without a shred of hope they thought. and now they are holding this baby boy this redemption in their arms. How beautiful is this moment and what I love about this book is it actually doesn't end with focusing on Ruth and focusing on Boaz it ends with focusing on Naomi. That is how the story ends that God saw Naomi in her suffering and he provided. And this is where we pick up in verse 14. Then the women said to Naomi blessed be the Lord who has not left you this day without a redeemer and may his name be renowned in Israel.
He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age for your daughter-in-law who loves you who is more to you than seven sons has given birth to him. Like the women of the neighborhood are just praise the Lord bless the Lord he did not leave you without redemption Naomi. He didn't forget you. Like we gotta remember when Naomi comes in from out of town when she comes back from Moab they say Naomi we haven't seen you in years it's good to see you and she says don't call me Naomi call me bitter call me call me Mara that's what she wants to be renamed because her life is bitter and it's like no no your life is not bitter God has not forgotten you Naomi means pleasant you will be called Naomi God has been kind to you and his kindness is displayed in his daughter-in-law and her daughter-in-law the kindness is displayed that she has Ruth and they say Ruth is of more value to you than seven sons which is a profound statement for all the reasons we just highlighted sons were your future they were your inheritance they were your social security they're the ones that sustained the line they say this daughter-in-law of yours is more valuable than seven sons praise the Lord that you have this woman in your life and then in verse 16 it says then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse and the woman of the neighborhood gave him a name saying a son has been born to Naomi they named him Obed so that's the only time we see this in the scriptures that the women of the neighborhood named the child they just threw out a name and it stuck and they ran with it Obed means the one who serves and the picture here is that this child is the one who serves Naomi this child is her redemption this child is a reminder that God has not forgotten about Naomi that he has taken care of her can you see this moment as she's bouncing little Obed in her arms as she's holding this bundle of joy and redemption in her arms she has been redeemed and it says she she's going to take care of this child she's going to raise this child Obed is her redemption and this is how Ruth ends Obed he was the father of Jesse the father of David now these are the generations of Perez Perez fathered Hezron Hezron fathered Ram Ram fathered Amenadab Amenadab fathered Nashon Nashon fathered Salmon Salmon fathered Boaz Boaz fathered Obed Obed fathered Jesse and Jesse fathered David and that is when we learn that this is the family of David that Obed is the grandfather of David this is David's story this would have been a family story they passed down the kind of family story that said get around let me tell you let me tell you kids about our story let me tell you about my great grandmother Naomi let me tell you about my grandfather Obed this is a family story that they passed down this means that the nation of Israel would know about this story that's why they have it and it is a vivid joyous picture of God's redemption and his providence on behalf of his people and how he loves and takes care of his people but for us as Christians this story means all that and more because when you get to the very first page of the New Testament that's when this becomes more clear for us Matthew 1 the book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the son of David the son of Abraham Abraham was the father of Isaac Isaac the father of Jacob Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers Judah the father of Perez and Zerab by Tamar and Perez the father of Hezron the father of Ram Ram the father of Menadab the father of Nashon the father of Salmon Salmon the father of Boaz by Rahab which pause for a moment that's powerful in itself because if you know the story of Joshua Rahab was a Jericho she was a Gentile that's Boaz's mama which means that his mom was a Gentile outsider enemy of the people of God and he marries an outsider of the Moabites of the people who are enemies of God that's an unbelievable connection then it gets down it says Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth and Obed the father of Jesse and Jesse the father of David the king Ruth Boaz Naomi are a part of Christ's story listen it is no accident that God chose to come in the line of Obed this redemption story is bigger than Naomi it is bigger than Ruth and it is bigger than Boaz this is a picture of Christ's redemption of his people that's the hidden subplot that's the Hitchcock M.
Ruth 3: A Midnight Proposal
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
Happy Mother's Day. Grab your Bibles and head to Ruth chapter 3. We are walking through the book of Ruth. It's an Old Testament book that happens during the time of Judges. And we're in the third chapter. There's four chapters in the book.
And so the first two chapters, what we see is that there was a man named Elimelech, his wife Naomi. There was a famine. And so they're starving and they head to Moab, which is an enemy nation that was near Israel. And so they kind of they go away from their home just to try to find a way to survive. While in Moab, both of their sons get married and then all of the men die. So Elimelech and Naomi's two sons die.
And so we're left with three widows and they're in a vulnerable, unfortunate position. And so Naomi decides to head back to hear that there's food in Israel again. So she goes to head back and Ruth goes with her. So one of her daughter-in-laws comes back. And Ruth gives this kind of this pledge, this promise where she says that I'm going to your people are going to be my people. Your home is going to be my home.
I'm going with you. Your God is going to be my God. And so she goes back with her. But when Naomi returns, she tells us that she's hopeless. She's empty. She's bitter that things have not gone well for her.
And then we see that they Ruth decides to go glean. There's a barley harvest. And so she's going to glean, which is something that was offered to poor people or somebody who is in a foreign country to be able to follow after those who are reaping and to be able to pick through the scraps and get some food. But she's hoping that someone will let her do that. And she goes to do that. And so she just so happens to end up at Boaz's field and just so happens to meet Boaz.
And we're to see that the Lord's at work in this. And so Boaz shows her great kindness. And we end chapter two where they're fed. They're provided for that God has answered and he's beginning to fill their life back up and he's beginning to care for them. And so we're picking up in Ruth chapter three. Let's pray and we'll pick up there and see where this story goes.
God, we ask for your help and your grace as we study your word that we might see who you are. That you might draw our hearts closer to you and help us to follow you in faith in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. I'm sorry for my voice this voice this morning, but you're just going to have to deal with it because I have to deal with it. So Ruth chapter three, verse one.
Then Naomi, her mother-in-law, said to her. My daughter, should I not seek rest for you that it may be well with you? That phrase, may I not seek rest for you, she actually references it in chapter one, verse nine. She says, may the Lord grant that you may find rest each of you in the house of her husband. So what she means here is, shouldn't I help you get married?
Shouldn't I help you be established? Shouldn't I help you find a place to settle and to be okay? And Naomi told us in chapter one that she's older and so she doesn't think that necessarily she's not marriable at this point. And she's trying to help make a plan for Ruth going forward. And this is the role of a mother. This is something that your mother would help you do.
And so she has taken Naomi, taken Ruth in and she's treating her the way she would treat her if she was a daughter. She's her daughter-in-law and she's a Moabite, but they love one another. And she's saying, shouldn't I do this? Isn't this what I ought to do? And some of you, maybe your mother has said that. Isn't it my job to find your husband, not yours?
But isn't there something beautiful about that Naomi is saying that I want to care for you. I want to help provide for you. I want to help make sure you're established and you're okay. And specifically on Mother's Day, we ought to be thankful for our mothers. And we ought to be thankful for every lady in our life who took on some of that role. We ought to be thankful for our mothers.
We ought to be thankful for every person, every lady that stepped in and helped care for us and provide for us like we see Naomi doing for Ruth. One of the blessed things about being in a church family and one of the blessed things about how we do community groups is that we aren't trying to design our community groups to be age-based or life-stage based. So sometimes it may be a little harder to get to know people, but you also get to begin to know people that are in different life stages from you. And we have the opportunity to have some of this play out, and it is a blessing. So here's what she says.
Verse 2. Is not Boaz our relative with whose young women you were? We're going to stop there for a second because that is not he our relative matters. So she says we know Boaz, and isn't he our relative? Which means isn't he marriable? Isn't he a redeemer?
And you say, well, I'm glad. You know, when my wife and I, we had our boys, we looked on Ancestry.com to try to find names. We tried to limit the names we were picking from our relatives. But I'm glad we don't do marriage like that. It's like, all right, I've got to marry one of my relatives. But here's how this works.
They had to marry inside of their tribe because the land, when they came over following Moses out of the Exodus, the land was given to the tribes. And so it would be like South Carolina was one tribe, one long, big family. And then inside of that, maybe Lexington was your clan or Casey was or whatever, and you live closer to family. But you would marry inside your tribe because the land was passed down through your family line, and the land had to stay in the tribe. So if you were of the tribe of Simeon, you weren't supposed to marry someone of the tribe of Judah because the land has to keep in the family.
So that's what she's saying is you're a part of my family, and Boaz is a part of our family. He's a part of our clan. He's a part of our tribe, and he's a relative of Naomi's husband. And she says, so isn't he a good option for us? He's also a redeemer, which means he's a close enough relative to a limeleck to be able to step in and take on this kinsman redeemer and this leverite marriage role. We have to explain that.
This is nuance in the text that they would be understanding that's completely lost on us. So we've got to learn our Old Testament a little bit better so that we can understand what's happening in the story. Okay. He has the position in their family to be a leverite, to live up to the leverite marriage codes. And lever just means brother-in-law, like your husband's brother. Not your brother's husband because that's weird.
Your husband's brother. So this is from Deuteronomy 25, verses 5 and 6. It says, Now this seems kind of crazy to us. But they had a patriarchal society and they had land inheritance that traveled as they passed it down from father and son. And what happens is, if someone's married and their husband dies, you're supposed to keep that wife in the family and raise up an heir for the husband that died so that the family line of passing on land will continue. It protects a widow from just being sent out.
It protects a widow from being just ignored. But it does also limit the way that she's able to respond in her widowhood because they're trying to raise up a son. She's supposed to be brought into her brother-in-law's house and raise up a son for her deceased husband. So that's one thing at work here in the process of redemption. The other thing at work in the process of redemption that we'll find out more about in chapter 4 is the process of redeeming land. This is Leviticus chapter 25, 23 through 25.
The land shall not be sold in perpetuity, for the land is mine. This is God talking. For you are strangers and sojourners with me, and in all the country you possess, you shall allow a redemption of the land. If your brother becomes poor and sells part of his property, then his nearest redeemer shall come and redeem what his brother has sold. So if your brother becomes poor and he sells off part of his property to someone not in the family, someone in the family has to come buy it back because it's got to stay with that tribe.
Which means that a redeemer has to pay off someone else's debt, and when they are redeeming a bloodline, they have to raise up somebody else's heir. And that at times can get where your inheritance and that other person's inheritance get tangled up, and it can be a bit complicated. It takes a good bit to be a redeemer to take this on. But Boaz is in that position in their family to be able to do this. So she says, Isn't Boaz?
Isn't he a good option? Shouldn't I try to help you find a husband? And so Naomi has hatched a plan, and let's read it. Let's see what her plan is here. She says, Is not Boaz our relative with whose young women you were? See, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor.
All right. A couple of things here so we understand what this is. Winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. So, you had a harvest. You reap your harvest. Poor people can follow behind and glean, but you reap your harvest.
You pile it up. Then you thresh it. The way you thresh something is that you beat it. So that people would gather around, and they would sit and hit it with stuff, or they would stomp on it with mules. They would have it all thrown out, and they would stomp on it with mules. Or mules would drag a threshing sledge behind them, which is like a big, like the thing that Kevin McAllister rides down the stairs in Home Alone.
It looks like a sled or whatever. It looks like that, except for the bottom is all gnarled and jagged, and has holes in it and spikes in it and stuff. And they just tear it all up. And what this does is it separates everything, so that the grain actually comes off of the straw and the chaff. So now it's just a big old pile of mess, which that also helps inform when you're reading prophecies, and God tells a nation, I'm going to thresh you.
You don't want to be threshed. So that's what threshing is. So they do that at the threshing floor, and everybody would kind of do this in the same area. So everybody's making harvest. All their fields are kind of connected. They'd have to know where their property line was, and they'd pile everything up, and they would thresh.
Then you winnow. Winnowing happens at the same place. It has to happen in a certain spot in the city. Because you have to have wind. And they would winnow in the evening, as the temperature changed, and the breeze picked up. So there's a specific spot where they would all winnow.
And what winnowing is, is you take everything that's been threshed, it's a big pile of mess, and you toss it in the air in the breeze, and the wind blows the chaff far away. It blows the straw a little bit further. And the grain, which is the heaviest, falls right here. And so they just toss it up in the wind. It blows everything away. Then the chaff is fuel for fire.
The straw is fodder for your animals. It's feed. And the grain is food. So you have fuel, fodder, food. That's winnowing. Now, winnowing is work.
But it's fun work. Because it's payday work. The harvest is over. You're seeing how much you get. There's been a famine. So when they would winnow, they'd all get together and winnow together.
And you're seeing how much you're going to get. So it's like if you owned your own store, and you go and you turn off the light, and you flip the sign that says you're closed, and you go get the money out of the register, and you go to the back to count it. This is still work. But you want this to be a really long part of your day. You want to count money for a while. You don't want to go $2, $3, done.
That's the bad day. You want to count. So they're winnowing, but it's good work. And it was celebratory because it's payday work. And so what happens is at the end of this, they would know how much they got. And the people who'd been working and laboring this whole time would get paid out.
And so it was a celebration. They would do it in the evening. They would eat a meal. Everybody would stay right where they were to guard their grain and to be there ready to go as they would do this, take care of everything off in the morning. So she says, don't we know where he's going to be?
And they understood how this was going to work. Also, they're at the end of the harvest, which means the window of opportunity for Ruth to be around Boaz is closing. She can't just keep showing up to his property for no reason. And she's not in a position to pursue him as a match or anything. She has really nothing. She's in a very vulnerable position.
So Naomi comes up with this plan and says, we know where he's going to be tonight. We know it's a good night for this sort of thing. Here's my plan. So here's her plan. Verse 3. Wash, therefore, and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak, and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.
But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies, then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do. And she replied, all that you say I will do. What? That's Naomi's plan. And when I first read this, started studying this, I thought, okay. You know, I just studied threshing and winnowing and all this stuff.
I thought maybe there's some context here. Maybe there's something they know. You know, Jewish roots lost on me, but Jewish readers would read this and go, yeah, obviously. Nope. To the original Jewish readers, this was as sketchy a plan as it seems. It's a, you're really towing the line here, Naomi, with your plan.
It's like, what, what, what is happening here? You're putting, what? I didn't see this story going this way. What's, what is going on? What, how is this going to work? That's kind of how this reads.
And there's this tension in the text of like, what's about to happen? How does this, how is this a plan? And how is this going to play out? So let's just walk through it. I mean, I'll tell you that if, if you came to me and said, I'm, you know, I'm trying to, trying to find a husband. I wouldn't say, get your Bible out.
Let's go. Ruth chapter three. I got some coaching to do. Do you know how to pick locks? Do you know where he sleeps? Here's the deal.
When he wakes up, you want to be making eye contact. This isn't, this isn't the plan I'd come up with. It seems a little bit, uh, it puts her in kind of a, could potentially be a bad position. So let's see what the plan is. Verse three, wash therefore and anoint yourself and put on your cloak. So far I'm tracking.
Every time she's seen Boaz, she was gleaning in his field. She had shown up to work. She was working all day out in the sun, probably not her, her cutest. So what her mother-in-law says is, Hey, let's take a bath. Let's put some oil on and let's get dressed up.
That's what her cloak is. Is this is a, one pastor said there's a distinct difference between trying to be attractive and trying to be seductive. And that this is attractive. She's aiming for cleaned up. She's wearing her cloak. She looks nice.
She's to be the nicest Boaz has ever seen her. She just says, Hey, let's put your best foot forward, which I just want to point out. We've been talking about the invisible hand of God, how God moves things according to his will and how we can trust him. But also we can try to come up with some plans. We can be intentional while trusting him. You can say, I'm just trusting God to give me a job.
Okay. You still need to send your resume out. And trust him. You know, if God wants me to have a wife, he'll send me one. What to your, to the basement where you're playing video games. I don't know.
Like let's get a, let's have a bath and get a job. And you know, that's, that's what's happening here. She's making a plan. All right. So go down to the threshing floor.
Do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. Again, I'm still tracking. He's just finished work. And then he's going to have a meal. You don't just charge in, in the middle of that. I don't know if y'all ever knew this.
You ever had bad news to tell your dad? You didn't tell him right when he walked in from work. You waited. You were trying to time that up. You're like, I've got to show him the report card because he needs to sign it. And last time I signed it, they, they caught that.
You're asking like, what are we having for supper tonight? You're like, okay, he likes that. That's good. That's good. You know, right? Maybe not before his show, but, but after supper, that's kind of what they're doing.
She's saying, time it up, right? Let him eat and drink, get him in a good mood and wait. Then she loses me. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Okay. That's sound advice because if she follows the rest of the plan with some, with the wrong person, she's like, this is key.
Make sure you know where he's sleeping. You can't just wait till it gets dark and pick up a lump of a person and pull their blanket back and hope for the best. So know where he lies down, then go and uncover his feet and lie down and he will tell you what to do. And she replied, all that you say, I will do. All right.
We have our plan. Let's see how it goes. So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Okay. A couple of things here.
It was a celebration. There is no need for us to read in that he was drunk. He ate and drank and was merry. And he went to lay down at the end of the heap of grain. So this is a good night for him.
He's got a heap of grain. They're just coming off of a famine. We're supposed to picture him. He's got a merry heart. He's had, he's winnowed. He's got a heap of grain.
He has a good meal. He goes and lays down next to his grain. You can almost picture him just laying in the dark. Just, this is a good evening for him. Thanking the Lord for providing. He's gotten to enjoy some good company.
He's gotten to celebrate. And he's just going to sleep. That's where his heart's merry. And he's laying down to go to sleep. He went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down.
At midnight, the man was startled and turned over. And behold, a woman lay at his feet. Okay. That word startled. I thought this was interesting. It means, it's often used as like shook with fear.
In this context, a really good way to translate that would be the man shivered. The plan was, it gets colder as the night gets on. Uncover his feet. He'll get cold. Lay down at his feet. When he goes to put his blanket back on, boom, there you are.
That's Naomi's plan. And it worked. She said, uncover his feet. Be at his feet. And that's what it says. He may have gotten startled.
He might have heard a noise. He might have seen something. But it doesn't seem like he sees her until he's bent over. He's turned over. So I think it's really, he shivered.
He rolls over to get his blankets settled. And there's a woman at his feet. And he asked what I think is a very reasonable question. He said, who are you? And she answered, I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer.
A couple of interesting things that happen here. First of all, have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and seen a person in your room? Wakes you on up. Some parents, you have kids, they come and stood next to your bed like a little psychopath for some reason. You wake up, and there's a face next to you. Some of you have just hung up your own coat and then woke up in the middle of the night and tried to fight it.
But you don't usually hang your coat there. And it startled you. That's what he has. He rolls over. He's cold. He's like, why is my blanket all off my feet?
And then boom, there's a woman and he's startled. And he says, who are you? And she says, I'm Ruth. And here's what she says. She says, I'm Ruth, your servant. One of the interesting things is that she's referred to herself as a servant a couple of times in this, in her conversations with him.
The first time she says servant, she picked the lowest word for servant, the most humblest version of a servant. And in the way they have this set up, it's a servant that is an unmarriable servant. That is not the word she uses here. She says, I'm your servant, but she elevates the word to I am your marriable servant, which in the Hebrew would have hit their ears. They would have understood that kind of bit of a distinction. She says that.
So she's still being humble and they've put him in a position. When she says this, he's in a, she's in a very vulnerable position, but she's come to him in a way that lets her actually speak to him, but also does, does not have any kind of audience. It's just them. If we were watching this, you'd be real zoomed in just to try to even make out their faces to try to see who was who. And so she's, she's saying this, she says, I'm your, I'm your servant. Spread your wings over your servant for you are a redeemer.
She, she says, marry me. I want to have your baby. That's what spread your wings over your servant for you are a redeemer means. Take me into your household. That's wrap your cloak around me is another way to say that. Spread your wings over.
Bring me to you. Make me yours. Bring me into your household. Cover me. Care for me. Shield me.
For you are a redeemer, meaning this is the role you, you, you exist in, in our family. And she's saying, I need you to redeem me. Like what I'm bringing to you is a broken story. Debt. No air. I need you to step in and do something.
And he said, verse 10, may you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. A couple of things we have to see here. I said this earlier. He's older than her. We don't know how much older.
There's a thing called the Midrash, which is Jewish commentary on these texts. It's, it's just commentary and, and we don't know where they get some of their stuff, but they, they suggest that she's 40 and he's 80. I, I would, I would be inclined to make both of them younger than that because he's out winnowing his own stuff. He's, he's a healthy 80 if he's 80. Um, maybe 30 and 60. There's definitely a gap and he sees it and he understands that she had some, some other options.
Could have stayed in Moab, could have tried to find a young husband, could have tried to find, and what he says is your kindness now is greater than the kindness I had already seen you perform. And it's kindness to him a little bit, but it's kindness to Naomi that Ruth is going to go the route of redemption to reestablish a limilex line and Naomi's line. He says, you could have just said, I'm single, I'm free, I can go find whoever I want. And he says, but you're showing great. This has said, we talked about earlier, this steadfast love to Naomi that you're going to try to, to go the route of redemption to reestablish and to fix her story, not just yours.
So he says, this kindness is great. And now my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman. Earlier when we were introduced to Boaz, we were told he was a worthy man. And now this is used to describe her, that she's a worthy woman. I love this.
We, the only thing we're ever told about Ruth is that she's young and the word young is mostly used by Boaz, so it seems like younger than him, we don't really know. We're not told anything about her physical appearance whatsoever, but we're told about her character. She's a worthy woman. And he notices it and he says, everybody's noticed it. There's something really encouraging and beautiful about that. Specifically when you take the other passages in the Bibles where it talks about that character doesn't fade, but physical appearance does.
So he says, don't fear, I'll do this. But then he says this, and now it is true that I am a redeemer, yet there is a redeemer nearer than I. Remain tonight and in the morning if he will redeem you, good, let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then as the Lord lives, I will redeem you. Lie down until the morning. What?
Who's this other guy? No, no, no, we want Boaz. He says, I am a redeemer, but there's another redeemer nearer than I. Basically, he has first right of refusal. It's real technical and legal, you guys. Boaz doesn't just get to say, sure, he has to say, no, actually, if we're doing redemption, we've got to give this other guy, he's got to, it actually goes to him first.
Which, maybe, maybe this was always just common knowledge. And everybody always knew this. But it doesn't seem like Naomi knew necessarily that there were other redeemers that were closer. And this is a bit of conjecture, but she woke him up in the middle of the night and he already knows the redemption line immediately. I think he already thought about it. That's all I'm saying.
I think he had already considered how redemption would work. I think he had already looked into it a little bit. Maybe he just knew it, but I'm just throwing that out there. You wake me up in the middle of the night, I don't know if I'd know my whole family line the way that he does and who gets to do what. So he just says, but he says, if he'll redeem you, good.
If not, I'll redeem you as the Lord lives. We'll handle this tomorrow. So, she lay at his feet until the morning, but arose before one could recognize another. And he said, let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor. So he just kind of tries to protect her character.
She's going to leave before anybody can see. She, basically, she fully plays out Naomi's plan, which is come under the cover of darkness, make kind of a bold proposal, but not in a way that's going to shame him if he rejects you, not in a way that puts him in the bad spot, but does show your vulnerability. And then she's going to leave. There are some people who read this text and go, what happened? Was there something, is she lay there till morning, some kind of code for something? I had a professor in college who did that who was like, that Ruth story, as you read this, that idea is really out of place for a couple of reasons.
One is, it's out of place with the character of Boaz and Ruth as far as how this story would play out. And she definitely was in a vulnerable position and it does read to build that tension. The way this is written, you're going, oh my goodness, what is Naomi's plan? And that's the way it reads for everybody. Secondly, it's out of the character of God. And the way the Bible's written.
Because the Bible doesn't wink at sin. It doesn't hide it in between verses as like a cute little thing. It'll just tell you. You read Genesis, read Judges, the Bible will just tell you, and here's what they did. Sometimes it does it with no commentary whatsoever. It doesn't tell you it was bad, it just says, here's what happened.
And you're supposed to understand, that shouldn't have happened. So if the Bible were going to include that, it would just include it. Since it doesn't include it, it makes way more sense that this is exactly what happened. And she laid down on his feet and slept the rest of the night until she got up to head out. And he says, hey, don't make a big deal out of her being here. And he's going to go settle redemption today.
I just want to throw that out there. Because I've heard that and I think it doesn't make any sense. All right. Verse 15. And he said, bring the garment you are wearing and hold it out. So she brings her big cloak.
And he measured out six measures of barley and put it on her. Then she went into the city. And when she came to her mother-in-law, she said, how did you fare, my daughter? How did it go? What happened? And she told her all that the man had done for her, saying, these six measures of barley he gave to me, for he said to me, you must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law.
She replied, wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out. For the man will not rest, but will settle the matter today. So he again takes the opportunity to bless her and her mother-in-law. And he sends her away and he's going to go figure out that's where we're left. We're going to find out in chapter four how it gets settled and what happens with this other redeemer. And as you read this story, I just kept thinking about the fact that this plan works.
Why does this plan work? Well, we're told a couple of things. We're told about the character of Ruth, which is beautiful. She's a worthy woman. She loves her mother-in-law. She shows her great steadfast love, that she's a hard worker, that she seems gracious and kind.
But the reason this plan works is because she laid down at the right feet. What I mean by that is, certainly she found Boaz in the dark. She marked the spot where he lay. But that if it wasn't Boaz, if Boaz wasn't in the position to redeem, if Boaz wasn't a worthy man, this could have gone really poorly. If he wasn't wealthy enough to handle taking on the debt of redemption because redemption is costly. It's not a simple or easy matter.
Redemption is costly. And so this works because when Boaz sits up in the middle of the night, he doesn't think to try to take advantage of this situation or to harm her. But he goes out in his worthiness and his goodness to love and to care and to shelter. It works because when she says, shelter me under your wings, he's the type of person that's worth saying that to. And as I read this, and it's a beautiful little love story, where she boldly goes and proposes marriage in the middle of the night with this crazy little plan, and it works, I can't help but see this as a signpost that points us forward to the goodness of Christ who was in the form of God but becomes a man so that he might be our kinsman redeemer.
That he might be in the position to us to be able to redeem us. That he's good and worthy and that he has credit in his account so that he can buy us out of debt. That this is the same thing we get to go to Jesus with. I'm your servant. Cover me, shelter me in your wings and redeem me. Shelter me in your wings for you are a redeemer.
That we get to come to him humbly and say, I need you to wrap around me, I need you to cover me, I need you to shield me. And you're a redeemer. Because all I can bring is debt. All I can bring is a broken story that's in need of redemption but he's the one who redeems. Do y'all see that? You see that when she comes she's asking him to take on a debt, she's asking him to take on a costly thing that can affect his inheritance and how it all plays out.
But he responds graciously and kindly and how much more does the Lord respond to us in that manner when we come to him and say, I need redemption, I need help. Will you shelter me in your wings? That's what Romans chapter 10 says. For the scripture says, everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame. You see, our story is that we have sin. We've fallen short.
It's broken. We need redemption. We have debt. We need someone who can step in and rescue us out of that otherwise we're stuck in it and so we fall down to Jesus and he will not put to shame anyone who calls out to him. If you come to him and say, I need you to shelter me, he says, I will. My son, my daughter, I'll take you in.
Do not fear. I will take care of this. That's the hope we have in Christ that when he died on the cross, he was perfect and sinless so that he had credit in his account. He had the wealth he needed in righteousness to pay off our debt so that we might be brought into his household and made righteous. That's the hope we have so that when we come to him and we ask, shield me, protect me, take me in, he does and nobody goes back empty handed. Nobody leaves without him overflowing blessings and joy and protection and hope to us.
No one will be put to shame who comes to Christ. That's the hope we have in Jesus and when I gather up, when we gather on Sundays and I get up here and get to open the scriptures and we get to talk about these beautiful little love stories but we get to point forward to the great joy and love that's poured out for us in Jesus. I always fear that there's somebody in this room and you've bowed down at the wrong feet. You've laid down at the wrong feet and you've looked at something and you've said, I'll serve you, I need you to redeem me and you've looked at success or you've looked at finances or you've looked at romance and you've said, I'll do whatever you tell me.
You're the thing that'll save me but none of them can. None of them can forgive your sin, none of them can pay your debt, none of them can fix your story but Jesus can. The band's going to come back up and in a moment we're going to sing. We do this every Sunday. We're going to sing and then we're going to give announcements and we're going to leave. And it's Mother's Day so if you go eat out in the world you're going to do that for the next four hours.
In a moment we're going to leave. And some of you are going to leave never having asked Jesus shelter me in your wings. Fix my story. Some of you are going to leave never having come to Him and saying, I'm your servant, forgive my sin, take me in. And I'd like to encourage you with the words that she says. She says, He won't rest but it'll settle the matter today.
I want some of you to settle the matter today. You've been holding back. You've been saying, well I'm going to get cleaned up. I'm going to get this fixed. I've got to wait for this. Would you settle it today?
Would you come to Him today and lay down and say, I need you to rescue me. I need you to bring me into your household. I need you to cover me with your wings. I need you to cover me with your blood. I need you to cover me with your sacrifice. I need you to redeem me because I can't do this on the wall.
In a moment, we're going to sing and we're going to sing about redemption and we're going to sing about Jesus and we're going to sing what He's capable of and we're going to sing about what He's done for us and if that's not true for you, would you settle it today? Would you say, I need you to take me in? Because He will. Because no one who calls on Him will be put to shame. Let's pray.
God, God, we thank you that you are a better Redeemer than Boaz, that there is no Redeemer closer than you, that there is no one that is capable of doing this but you, that you are the way and the truth and the life and that no one comes to the Father but through you and Lord, I pray that we would celebrate that no one is put to shame and no one is sent away empty that comes to you, that you have wrapped your cloak around us, sheltered us in your wings and redeemed us and for anyone in this room who has not done that, Lord. May they settle it today. Ask for your redemption and see the smile on your face as you say, do not fear and bring them in and forgive them and give them a hope and a future and rewrite their story. I pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Wisdom and Sex (Proverbs 5)
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
Thank you. Thank you. Proverbs 5.1 starts out, My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she's as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander, and she does not know it. So, it's passages like this that I encountered when I became a Christian around 17, where I went, oh man, I think I've misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. Like, I generally understood the Bible was, you know, don't have sex outside of marriage.
I think I generally somewhat understood that. I don't think I really fully embraced how big of a deal, how big of a teaching that was, until probably my freshman year of high school. So, I was dating a girl, and she was Baptist. I was not. And I went to her youth group, and her youth group had a little function. And then afterwards, they did kind of a teaching on this concept called true love waits.
And I'd never heard of that before. And they had this teaching on, yeah, you should commit to purity, this idea of chastity, that sex is in the confines of marriage. You should wait until you get married. And it was a smaller youth group, and everyone in that youth group had seemed to really sign one of these forms. And I was kind of the odd man out. And the person who was leading that took the forms and threw them right in front of me and said, anyone else want to sign it?
And I said, just sat silent, and I was just like, nah. I got no plans to follow any of this stuff. I was like, that's not for me. I have a girlfriend here. I have intentions for her. I have no plans to sign that at all.
Like, my thought process behind all of that was like, I did not realize the Bible had such a strong teaching on this at all. Now, what was good for me was, is that I had signed a purity commitment, whether I liked it or not. My short stature and personality at that time lent itself to that anyways. But I didn't have intentions for that. I became a Christian when I was 17, and I started to read the Bible, and was like, oh man, I've completely miscalculated and misunderstood the Bible's teaching on this. So I was like, I need to course correct here.
I need to, out of the sexual brokenness that I was redeemed from, I need to absolutely rethink this. So I made some strict kind of rules for me and understanding of how I would approach this in future relationships. And fast forward a few years. In college, started dating my now wife. And as we started, you know, we went on a few dates. And then I was like, alright, like I want to, let's make this official.
I had this grand romantic gesture where I took some roses, and I took aspects of the fruit of the Spirit that I loved in her, and I wrote it down on some cards attached to these flowers. I had my friends deliver these roses one at a time throughout the day. And at the end of the day, I delivered the final rose. And like, let's make this official. Want to be my boo? Like I was, like, and we celebrated for five minutes.
And then I shifted gears into, alright, so, here are some of the rules as we're going to leave this relationship. Let me, here's some boundaries for us in how we approach our relationship. First, no back talk. No, just kidding. No, I was like, I was like, we, listen, we, I want us to guard our way when it comes to purity, when it comes to pursuing Jesus in our relationship. So I came in, like, really hard.
You guys, five, I'm talking, this is not a joke. It was five minutes of joy celebration. And then, here it is. I was like, I don't want us to kiss until we get super serious. I don't want us to be in a situation that might compromise ourselves. So, like, we're not going to be the kind of couple that's on the couch, in our dorm room, watching a movie close to one another.
We're not going to do that. I started to prescribe a whole bunch of boundaries for us. Because I knew my brokenness. I knew how quickly it could go off the rails. And I said, no, we're not going this way. And she said, absolutely.
So she agreed. And we followed these. Up until we got engaged, we still, like, I was still, like, up until we get married, this is what we're doing. When we kissed, I made sure it was brief. When we danced, we left room for Jesus. Like, we, we, we, my sister-in-law made fun of us because we had, like, all, like, ten different versions of a side hug that I didn't even know that we had.
So we did this. No one told me to do this. No one laid out the playbook and said, this is what you do. My intense personality reacted to the Bible's teaching on this. And I was like, this is what we're going to do. And we did all the way up until we got the day of our wedding.
The first time we ever made out was in front of camera and our wedding photos. And I know how ridiculous and over the top that sounds. Like, I can hear that. I know how over the top that sounds. And there are some more stories attached to that. I'm sure that our friends, some of the pastors here who have heard them would love to tell you at our expense.
Because we did look a little bit goofy. But, y'all, I knew myself. I knew what I was capable of. And I was like, we're not going down this road. And the Proverbs backed me up on this. It just did.
The overkill guardrails that I set for us were for a reason. I had tapped into significance of sex. That sex is deeply spiritual. It is an intimate act of giving not just your body, but the most vulnerable part of yourself to another. And the Bible has clear boundaries for this in the structure of man and wife. And outside of that, there are major consequences.
I mean, for years I've walked with couples. They're walking through sexual dysfunction in their marriage. And a lot of times you can draw a thread back to premarital sexual activity. I walk with people who are addicted to pornography and have been for decades. And it started when they were 10 years old. This isn't just a physical act.
It's bigger than this. And the Proverbs realizes this and is impressing upon us the importance of taking this very seriously. So the Proverbs is blunt and it is serious on this. But it offers real wisdom. So whether you are single and celibate, whether you are single and desiring marriage, whether you're engaged, whether you are a newlywed, been married a few years, 10 or 30 years, the Proverbs has real wisdom here.
And my hope this morning is that we'd listen and that we'd respond. So let me pray for us and we'll walk through this. Lord, we love you. Some teachings are hard, but we need it for our souls. God, I pray that you would absolutely make this clear to our hearts, compelling to our hearts, that we would walk wisely. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Amen. All right, so we're mostly going to be walking through 5, 1 through 19. The first 5, 6, and 7 are three chapters that mostly deal with the subject matter of sex. I mean, you've been with us in Proverbs for a little bit. You've noticed that we take it topically and that we're, you know, there's one topic and it'll have a proverb here and a proverb here and they're kind of scattered. There are three, the majority of three whole chapters devoted to this subject.
So there's a lot of things that can be said. We don't have the space for it. We're mostly going to be in the first 19 verses of chapter 5. We will pull from some other places in Proverbs. But as we walk through these first 19 verses, I want us to see four different things.
We need to see the delusion of sexual sin. The delusion of sexual sin. Then we need to see the danger of sexual sin. Third, we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. And lastly, we're going to see that we need to drink ourselves full. Drink yourself full from what is good.
So that's what we're going to see as we walk through this. Let's start out in the first part, the delusion of sexual sin. We'll pick it back up in verse 1 of chapter 5. My son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. All right, so we said this at the front of Proverbs when we introduced it.
This mostly is Solomon giving advice to his son. This is a father speaking to his son. All right? So he's saying, here's some wisdom that your lips may guard knowledge. Now, when we hear some of the things he's going to say, we've got to contextualize it for ourselves. Because the example he's going to use for his son is an adulterous woman, a forbidden woman.
All right? Now, that's father to son. We take that, we put it into our context. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous woman. For some of you, that's going to be an adulterous man. For some of you, that's going to be men and women in pornography.
You've got to contextualize this for yourself as you hear it. And that's what he is saying to his son. Pick it up in verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield. He says, lips of a forbidden woman. All right? What that means is, is that there is a woman who is not forbidden, and there are women who are forbidden. Otherwise, he would have just said woman.
So what's built into that is a basic theology of sex. That God has designed marriage for man and wife. It is made for that covenant marriage. It is a gift that God has given for marriage. Outside of it, it is forbidden. So it's very simple.
Are you married to him? Are you married to her? If not, then no. There is no, we're married in our hearts. There is no, we're common law. No, you have either made the marriage commitment, the covenant, or you have not.
If you have not, she is forbidden. Now, we don't know if Solomon is talking to his newly married son or if his son is about to get married. We don't have that direct information. But we do know that regardless, this is going to apply to his son. And he looks at him and he says, this woman, she has lips that drip honey. And that means that her lips look sweet.
There's an appeal to her. That her speech is seductive. It's smooth. It's soothing. It's going to lure you in. There's something appealing about her that would lure you in.
But the reality is, is that she's actually wormwood. Wormwood is a plant that it smells nice. It tastes awful. It is bitter. It looks like honey, but it's actually wormwood. And even more to the point, it's like a sword that will thrust into your chest and destroy you.
Lust is delusional. It's delusional. It's chasing after mirage that will never actually deliver water. It only delivers poison. It delivers death. Sheol is the Old Testament word for this.
It's the place of death. It's delusional. And it's not subtle. So when you get to chapter 7 on this, it's blatant in our face. It says, she is loud and wayward. Her feet do not stay at home.
Now in the street. Now in the market. And at every corner she lies in wait. That even in their time, there's a pervasiveness to the delusion. That it's mainstream. That it is loud.
It doesn't stay home. It's in the marketplace. It's in the street corner. It's everywhere. The delusion is mainstream. And that is true in our culture.
It's in the majority of TV shows. It's all over the internet. I mean, sex outside of marriage is the standard. We're the ones that are the outsiders in culture. It's the standard. But premarital sex, any sex outside of marriage, it divorces pleasure and intimacy from union and commitment.
It removes them from one another. That's part of why breakups after sex are very difficult. You've given a real part of yourself. There's something deeply spiritual that you've given to somebody else without the life commitment that goes with it. And it's standard fare for our culture. It just is.
That after a few dates that you actually enter into sexual activity. That's fairly normal. And the Bible says that's delusional. I mean, what if you're on a date after the third date, the check's coming. He pulled out his phone and said, look, I found us. Three bed, two bath house.
Charmer. I mean, just look at this. They've renovated this. Oh, man. I talked to a lender, all right? And I think we can buy this, right?
We're pre-approved. Let's go. I got a real estate agent we're going to meet with. As soon as we leave the restaurant, let's go take a look at this house. You in? You would look at him and say, thank you for dinner.
I'm going. And we're not going to talk again. Because that's crazy that you would enter into that type of commitment with somebody. And that's the Bible's approach to sex. That it's delusional that we would actually do that. No, but our culture has made it mainstream.
It's pervasive. It's even pervasive when it comes to sexual exploration and sexual identity. Our culture is absolutely going for this. It's not just that you have to tolerate someone's gender exploration. You have to accept it wholesale. Accept wholesale that we're non-binary or you're hateful.
We just went through a whole month of June that was absolutely in your face. That you have to not just accept this. You have to celebrate this. You have to be joyous about this. And I'm here to tell you that it won't bring joy. It looks like honey.
It finishes like one would. There's a reason why. The statistics show this. That for those who decide to transition their gender, the suicide rates are the same before and after. It doesn't actually bring satisfaction and joy. There's a reason why there are tons of people that are leaving the LGBTQ2 lifestyle.
Because they have encountered Christ and said, I want Him. This wasn't satisfying. I want something better. And someone proclaimed the gospel to them and they believed. It's wormwood. It does not bring satisfaction and joy.
But we have a culture that is loudly trumpeting sexual revolution, sexual self-realization as an ultimate joy. And it does not bring satisfaction. It does not bring joy. It is delusional. And it's also dangerous. The Proverbs makes this clear.
The danger of sexual sin. We need to see this. Verse 3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. Lust leads to death. It's deadly. It leads to the path of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life.
Verse 6. Her ways wander. And she does not know it. And now, O sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. He's trying to help his sons see. It's dangerous, son.
Don't go this route. Don't chase after this. It is dangerous. This momentary pleasure. The thrill of casual sex. The quick escape to internet pornography.
It will lead your soul to death. Proverbs 7 captures this even more vividly. In Proverbs 7, he says in verse 22, All at once, she, all at once he follows her. As an ox goes to the slaughterer, or as a stag is caught fast, till an arrow pierces its liver. As a bird rushes into a snare, he does not know that it will cost him his life. I had a professor once that talked about there are slaughterhouses that have had problems with cows.
That when they would go to slaughter them, the cows would be very scared and very nervous. And there's a lot of hormones and chemicals that go throughout the cow that you don't want in steak when you actually eat it. So they had to find a way to really calm them down. One of the ways that one of these slaughterhouses figured the troubleshoot this was they started it. As they went up the conveyor belt, they played the sound of a nursing cow. A sweet, pleasant sound that lured them in until they were killed.
That's the picture here. Of an ox that's being led to the slaughterer, or a stag. This is a buck that comes out chasing the scent of a doe, thinking that I'm going to find something. And all of a sudden, a hunter with a compound bone releases an arrow and it pierces into its liver. Which, if you hunt, you know that's a really painful death. That's a bad shot.
It's a painful, painful death. We need to see this, Christians, we need to see the dangers of sexual sin. Because Satan takes far, I mean think about how many Christian leaders, how many pastors, how many community group leaders have been taken down by sexual sin. I mean is it because, as the culture would say, is it because that we are this sexually repressed people in a puritanical tradition that we've inherited for hundreds of years? No. No, we're sexually broken as the rest of culture.
No, it happens because it's easy and it works. It's effective. It's an effective strategy for taking down anyone who's a Christian. It works very simply. I mean you give a Christian who is in a tough season of marriage, a little fresh excitement from a co-worker. You give a woman who has a man in her life that gives a kind voice and kind speech and says nice things to her, lures her into his arms.
You give somebody who is stressed, working 70 hours a week at work, the access to pornography, that it lures you in. It's very easy. It's very effective. One commentator said it this way. He said, Satan shows the bait, but he hides the hook. Shows the bait, hides the hook.
He lures us in and he destroys us. He destroys marriages. He destroys the faith of single men and women. He leads us towards a love of the world that keeps us from following Christ. And Solomon is telling his son, don't do this. Don't go down this road.
In chapter 6, 27, he says it's like playing with fire. He says, can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? So sometimes you hear the question, how far physically can we go in our relationship while we're dating? Like where's the line here? Someone will ask, you know, what can I watch on TV? Like how much, what is too much sexual content?
Someone will ask, how close can I be, how much of an intimate friendship can I have to someone who's not my wife, who's not my husband? And Solomon says, I don't know how close of a blowtorch, how close can a blowtorch get to your chest? How close to the fire do you want to get before it burns you and it hurts you and it consumes you? We need to see the danger of sexual sin. And thirdly, we need to see that we need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin.
Back to chapter 5, he says in verse 7, He says, stay away. Don't go near your house. You know where it is. Don't go. Like walk as far away as you can. Get away from her.
Get away from him. That's the Bible's treatment on this. In the New Testament, it says, flee sexual immorality. Flee. That's the only time you see it connected to a sin that's listed is fleeing. It's related to sexual immorality.
It doesn't say flee anger thoughts. It says flee sexual immorality. Get away from it. There's a reason why in Genesis 39 when Joseph is lured in and grabbed by Potiphar's wife that he literally runs out of his clothes, practically naked, out of there. He gets out of there. It's dangerous.
You've got to distance yourself. You've got to flee from it. Now, as a young Christian, I read this and I understood this. That's why I aggressively responded in our relationship. We lived in an awkward town for like 15 months because we understood. I was like, we're going to keep as far away from this as possible.
And here's the deal. I would rather you look as goofy and dorky as our relationship did. I would rather you look like that than darken the door of sexual sin. It's not worth it. We have to distance ourselves from this. I mean, and even sexual temptation that comes in thoughts, which is hard, right?
It's hard to control thoughts. It's hard when they come out of nowhere. Like you can have a bad dream the night before and you have sexually explicit images that are in your head when you wake up. There can be sexual content. You've got a storage of it back from years ago that just shows up in the middle of the day. You can be at the gym and all of a sudden temptation just comes in a moment.
That's a reality. But I love what Martin Luther says about this. He says, you can't stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair. And what he's saying is, you can't help it. Stuff's flying around sometimes. It's out there.
But you can keep it from making a nest in your hair. You can keep it from being implemented in your heart that actually leads to action. That you actually do have control over that power of the Holy Spirit. You absolutely can. So that when temptation comes, you can absolutely...
John Piper has a method on this called the Anthem Method. And I found it to be incredibly practical. And it's an acronym. And in it he says, A, avoid. Like when you do your best, if you can avoid it. Don't darken the door of her house, right?
Don't darken the door of this house. So avoid it as best you can. But when it comes, he says, say no. When sexual temptation comes, say no. If you have to verbally say it out loud, no. And then he says, turn your mind to Christ.
Christ. And one of the ways I've implemented this is that when temptation comes, that I think and I visually picture the bloody and beaten body of my Savior on the cross. I picture myself below the cross as blood is dripping down to know what my sin costs. And I turn my mind to Christ. And he says, hold Christ in your mind. Hold the gospel in your mind.
And then he says, enjoy him. What you ultimately want to do is enjoy him and realize that he's better than sex. He's better than anything this world can offer. And once you've enjoyed him and the thought and the temptation, the feeling has passed, he says, move on. Move on to something else. I found that to be incredibly practical and helpful for my soul in combating sexual sin and temptation.
Verse 9, it says, The reality of sexual sin is it leads to death. And it's a road that you might not come back from. It says that this picture is your honor being taken away, years being taken away, strangers taking away your strength, your flesh and body being consumed. That's the picture that's given here, is that I can enjoy a little bit of sexual sin now, but I'll be fine. I'll come back. Like, I'm young.
Like, I've got time to actually take this more seriously later, maybe when I get married. I love what Martin Lloyd-Jones, a British pastor from the 20th century, says about sin. I love when you apply it to sexual sin specifically. He says, Be careful how you treat God, my friends. You may say to yourself, I can sin against God, and then, of course, I can repent and come back and find God whenever I want Him. And you try it, and you will sometimes find that you not only cannot find God, but that you do not even want to.
You might actually go down this road, and by the end of it, you may not even want God anymore. That your soul has been so corrupted, that you're like, I don't want Jesus anymore. I've seen this over and over again. I've seen friends that were on fire for Christ. They were leaders, and all of a sudden, they pursued sexual sin. A few years later, they just left the faith.
They didn't want Jesus anymore. I've seen popular Christians, worship leaders do this. They pursue sexual sin. They don't come back, because they no longer love Christ, because it corrupts us. Verse 12 says, And you say how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers, or incline my ear to my instructors.
I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. He says, There's so much regret built in this, built into that. Don't hate discipline. Don't hate reproof. When someone comes to correct you on sexual sin, don't hate it. Oh, how he longed, that if he wouldn't have rejected this, that he's at the brink of utter ruin.
We need to distance ourselves from sexual sin. One of the other ways this shows up in chapter 6, one of the ways that he's calling his son to distance himself from sexual sin, shows up in chapter 6, verse 32-34. He says, He who commits adultery lacks sense. He who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
You'll see what he did at the top? He who commits adultery lacks sense. He's appealing to reason. That's another way that he's trying to help him see. It's unreasonable. It's illogical.
Don't do this. It can destroy you. It can wound you. It can dishonor you. It can bring disgrace upon you. Don't do this.
There's a book called The Purity Principle. It's by Randy Alcorn. It's really short. It's a small, I mean, it's a really quick read, and it's incredibly practical. If you struggle with lust and sexual temptation, I encourage you, buy that today. It is small and packed with wisdom.
And the bigger argument, the best argument for combating sexual sin is that you would enjoy Christ, so much so that as you love and worship Him and are satisfied with Him, that when sexual temptation comes, you're just like, no, no, no. I don't want that. I want Christ. But the reality is, is that's not always us. There are seasons where that's not enough, where we're struggling. And he says, and he gets real practical.
One of the principles that he lays out, is to reason your way out of it. He says, use reason. Use long, just like this right here. When I read that, and I read what he was kind of prescribing, I went, absolutely, I can do that. And one of the things I do, I know I've mentioned this in other sermons, is that I can play out a scenario in my head, like five years down the road. And I use that.
I use that to my benefit when it comes to sexual temptation, right? When it comes, I'm like, no, if I give into this, then it can lead to this. If it leads to this, then I might lead it into adultery. If it leads me into adultery, adultery, God absolutely will expose that. If he exposes that, man, I'm going to bring disgrace upon my marriage. My wife is going to have to deal with the pain of that.
That I'm going to bring disgrace upon my church. That I, my kids are going to, I've seen this, that kids, once they go through this, and they see their parents get divorced, because of this, they start getting frustrated and angry. They get angry with God. And I'm like, oh no, my kids might not follow Jesus anymore. I'll do it. I'll play it out to 10 years down the road, if that's what it takes.
I'm not taking that step. I'm absolutely going to stop right now, because I don't want to go into destruction. But I, I think you should absolutely do that. You should play out the scenario. You should, you should process and think, is this worth it? Is it worth it to look at this online?
Is it worth it to have this conversation that I know is risky with this other person? Is that worth it? Is it worth seeing my kids every other weekend? You absolutely should play that out in your head. It should cause you to pause deeply. You should reason your way as much as you can to say this isn't worth it.
And he goes on to say, he says, for jealousy makes a man furious. And that, that's a reality as well. It's another, just nugget that he gives. I had a manager one time. I worked for, I worked at Zaxby's for one summer. And my manager, I found out years later, I had an affair with his wife, and the, the, the jealous boyfriend came after him.
He actually was killed. I mean, absolutely, whatever it takes, whatever bit of reason you can come with, absolutely, if it helps you distance yourself from sexual sin, do it. By any godly means necessary. That means that some of you, I've got to get rid of your smartphones. You've got to get a dumb phone. There's a, I think there's a light phone, I get the advertisement all the time.
There's some really nice dumb phones out there. But you should. Absolutely, if it meant your sanctification, it meant you knowing more of Christ, it meant you not falling into the snare of sexual sin, you should do it. Some of you are like, I need it for my work. Okay. If you truly need it for work, then absolutely, you should get some, you should get some software on it.
There's Covenant Eyes, which is a, which is a porn blocking software that you can, you can download onto your phone. You can bring others into accountability on that. There's a new app that I heard about called Canopy that you can download onto your phone. Actually, it literally will, it has artificial intelligence that will literally analyze images as they come across and blur them up, blur them before they show up. I mean, there's helpful tools for us. Some of you have got to cut some people out of your life.
The reasonable thing for you to do is to get some people out of your life. That person who slides into your DMs, that person who messages you out of nowhere, the person who messages you, who says you up, which the only reasonable response to that is no, leave me alone, delete. You got to cut some people out of your life. When I was dating Anna, y'all, I told you I was intense. I guess I am intense, but it was more intense in college. And there was this moment, I worked at a resort one summer, and there was this, there was this co-worker that I had, she was Russian, I was nice to her, she took that niceness as an advance of some sort, and was like, I honestly really think she was like, green card.
I mean, she was there working for the summer, and I was just like, okay, she kind of came out of nowhere with this really long letter, this huge love letter, that she wanted me, and I was just like, there was probably a way to go about this that was more gracious, but I took the letter and I said, this is never, ever, ever going to happen. And then I walked away. It's a more gracious way to go about that, but I was like, I've got a girlfriend, and I love her, and I love Jesus, and no, you need, I'm, there are better ways to go about it, but you, the approach is there. You need to take this seriously.
There are people you need to cut out of your life. Some of your relationships where you've got to hit the reset button, that you've got to hit the reset button, and if y'all can't absolutely change the way that y'all go about your relationship, then you need to break up, and I am dead serious about that, because the road to sexual sin leads to death, and I don't want that for you. Some of you have got to have some really hard conversations. Some of you have got to delete some apps off your phone. You've got to get rid of Tinder. You've got to get rid of Instagram.
You've got to do whatever it takes to distance yourself. Any godly means necessary. Now, these are kind of the negative means of dealing with sexual sin that the proverb spends a lot of time on, but he also shifts into something different in Proverbs 5 that I don't want us to miss. He says, makes the argument, drink yourself full from what is good. Drink yourself full from what is good. Verse 15 says, drink water from your own cistern.
Cistern is a big, they would carve these out, they would hold water. Drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets. Now, this is for the person who is married. That part of the strategy is drink water from your own cistern.
Now, that's actually deeply erotic language that if you get into the Hebrew, it's a little more explicit. But the, the, the, the, the, what he is saying there is that you need to have sex with your own wife. You need to drink yourself full from your own wife. And we apply that also. You need to drink yourself full from your own husband. Contrary to popular opinion from people who have never read the Bible, the Bible isn't anti-sex.
It's not. It's very pro-sex when it's in the design that God has made for it in marriage. I mean, you get to 1 Corinthians 7 and he makes, I mean, it's really practical. He says that you should, the only time you should abstain from sex in marriage is for the sake of prayer. And once you've had this season of prayer, quickly, quickly come back. Do not deny each other their conjugal rights is what he's getting at.
I mean, he, I mean, 1 Corinthians 7, 4, he says something that was so counter-cultural in its own day and is still counter-cultural today but for different reasons. In 1 Corinthians 7, 4 he says, for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. And in their day, 2,000 years ago, telling a Roman citizen that your wife has authority over your body for the sake of pleasure was crazy. I mean, you had a wife that you were married to that was for your line and your money and you had women on the side that were for your pleasure.
That was the Roman lifestyle and Paul just comes in and says, no, she has authority over your body for the sake of intimacy and it's still counter-cultural today. To say in a culture that promotes sexual self-autonomy that your spouse has authority over your body, that your husband has authority over your body, that your wife has authority over your body is outrageous. But that's because marriage is mysterious. It's a mystery. The two become one flesh in a way that you're bound together in a covenant of marriage where you absolutely do not deny one another, that you absolutely come together that you would love each other with erotic love.
That's the command that you would fight for this. I mean, you can look at the Song of Solomon and read that book and it upholds this erotic love that you would have between man and wife and Proverbs 5 gives us a snapshot of that. Going into the last three verses, it says, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. A lovely dear, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love.
And Solomon looks at his son and he says, rejoice in the wife of your youth. It, rejoice in her. She's a lovely doe, which I wouldn't use that as a come online. It doesn't translate for us today, but what he's getting at there is that she's graceful and beautiful. He says, he has erotic language. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.
At all times. That you would enjoy one another. That you would be so intoxicated with her love that she would stagger you. That she would knock you out. That is what he is getting at here. Now, I understand that sometimes this is difficult in marriage.
That there is sexual dysfunction that shows up in marriage. And it's one of the reasons that we absolutely, as pastors, are willing to meet with you and walk with you through that. We care about intimacy in marriage because there's a lot of different complexities to that. There's a lot of complexities at different stages in marriage where sex is difficult. We're absolutely willing to have that conversation and to help you see the truth of this. Because it's good for you and it's good for your spouse.
I had a professor in seminary. He mentioned this story one time where he had this woman in their church. They would always come up to him and say lots of nice things, flattering things. And his wife said, that woman likes you. And he's like, no, no, she's just being nice. And they just disagreed on him.
And what happened was is that every time that woman came up to him, she walked right up beside him and she stood right beside him. Every time, she stood in the way between him and destruction. Now he later recognized, he figured out, yeah, that woman actually did like me. But she wasn't going to wait for him to realize that. She took ownership of their sanctification and stood in the way between him and destruction. And he taught that as an application for marriage.
And what I found incredibly helpful when you apply this to the subject matter of intimacy is that you would love your spouse so much that you would stand in between them and destruction. that you would love them so much that you would stand in between them and fall into pornography. Stand in between them and somebody at their place of work. That you would love them. That you would pursue them. That you would let them drink you full. And you would drink them full.
That you would let them drink of your cistern. That you would apply this in a way that is for your good and for the good of your spouse. Now, Solomon, he makes this argument that sexual sin is delusional. That it leads to death. That you should distance yourself. And that you should drink from your own cistern.
Now, here's how it applies whether you are married or not. Whether you are in a marriage or whether you are seeking marriage or whether you are celibate. Here's how this applies. There is something far better than sex. Far better than even godly sex. Jeremiah teaches that we believe that God, that Jesus is a flowing fountain that is better than the broken cisterns that we have made for ourselves.
The broken cisterns that we have carved out, that we have hewn out for our self. And when you apply this to sex, what we believe is is the pinnacle of pleasure. The pinnacle of pleasure in this life is not erotic sex. It is not sexual fulfillment. We believe that the pinnacle, the highest pleasure, the highest good is oneness with Christ. It is the worship of our triune God.
So what that means is is the best sex you could ever have. The best possible sex you could ever have. Hear this. Pales in comparison to the pleasures of Christ. Pales in comparison. The feeling that you will have in His presence when you are in a glorified new heaven, new earth, new body.
The feeling that you will have before Christ for eternity is better than the temporary moment of pleasure in this life. You have to believe this. If you don't believe this, you will follow down the road to destruction. You will believe that sex is better than Jesus and it will take you to places that you never thought you would go. And the Bible sits here and it pleads with you to see Christ as better, to see worship of Him as better, to have an eternal mindset that looks at all of this and says, no, He's worth the denial of myself. He's worth the denial of my flesh.
He's worth my worship because it leads to life with Him and the other road to be bluntly leads to hell. Now, that's the Proverbs. I don't know if you've been with us in Proverbs. it speaks very bluntly and it speaks very bluntly about sexual sin and this is heavy and it is corrective, I know, in the sorest of places in our broken sexual stories. I know that hits in some really difficult places. That is why I am thankful that the Bible isn't reduced to the Proverbs, that we have the whole story. I'm thankful we read Proverbs in the light of the rest of Scripture.
There's a moment in Jesus' ministry in John 4 where He goes out of His way to Samaria which is way out of place for where He was going in His ministry. He goes to Samaria and He goes to this well outside of Samaria at the right time of the day to meet a specific person, a woman. And He meets this Samaritan woman at this well and they start talking about this well and she quickly realizes that He's not just talking about the well, He's talking about something bigger, that Jesus is teaching this concept of living water, that He provides living water, that what He provides is better than this world. And as He's teaching this concept that we just talked about, that worship of Him is better than anything else in this world, He points out something.
He points out her sexual brokenness. He says, yes, you've had five marriages and the man you're living with now is not your husband. He points that out. And in the midst of pointing out her sexual brokenness, He makes the offer. He says, worship me. I have living water that will satisfy you.
That you will be able to worship something that is so much better than anything this life could offer. And He makes that offer to us. Those of us that have sexually broken past, those of us who are living in a sexually broken present, Jesus makes the offer of living water to our souls. He makes the offer of grace to us. He stands at the well with you and says, I'm here. Would you drink of me?
I'm here. I've got grace. I know your story. I know your brokenness. I know the darkest moments, the darkest thoughts, the darkest things in your soul. I've seen it and I want you.
I want you to drink of this well. He makes that offer that you might come and taste and see that He is better than sex. That you might see that His blood, that it washes away our sin. We're about to sing a song that says, What can wash away our sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. He makes that offer that in our sexual brokenness, there is blood that covers us if you come to Him.
And my hope is that you would. My hope is that you would come to Him. He has grace for our sexual brokenness. He has healing for our stories. and He offers a better one for you. And my hope is you take it today. The band is going to come up.
And I just want us to take a few moments and I want us to sit in that reality. Some of you have heard this and this feels so foreign to you because the gospel feels foreign. I want you to know very clearly that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to be broken, His blood to be shed for you so that you would not be enslaved to the pleasures of this world but you might find freedom in Christ. My hope this morning is that you would place faith in Him. That you would not delay. That you would not chase the road of sexual sin to death.
He offers life. He is at the well. My hope is that you would drink the water. There are those of us that hear this, that hear really the bluntness of Proverbs and we feel the brokenness in our souls. We are reminded of things that happened last night, that happened last week. We are reminded of things that happened years ago.
When you place faith in Jesus, do you know what He sees in the midst of your most sexually broken moments? You know what God the Father sees? For those of us who are in Christ, He sees the spotless, perfect record of the Lamb. He sees your sin covered by His blood. There is grace for our brokenness. There is grace for our sin. receive it.
Know that He's covered your sin. And in the grace that He gives you, may you look at the costly nature of His blood and say, I don't want this lifestyle of sexual. I don't want pornography. I don't want continuous, empty sex. I want Jesus. For those of you that are working through broken parts of your marriage, Jesus stands at the well.
He wants to bring healing to your story. You can't bring healing to your story unless you start to walk in the light. You need people in your group. You need to have some conversations with your group leaders, maybe with some of us as pastors, so that you can see the beautiful design of sex for your marriage and the intimacy that it brings for you. My hope is that we'd sit for the next few moments as we hear these words, that we allow the Holy Spirit to go to work on our hearts and we'd respond. Let me pray.
Lord, we love You. We pray that You would absolutely go to work on our hearts. There is so much brokenness in this room, so much brokenness in my heart and the hearts of those who are here. We need You. For those who have not believed, God, I pray You'd open their heart this morning that they might believe. For those that are wrestling with sexual sin, I pray they'd see all of this.
It's delusional, but it does not bring joy. I pray that we'd see the danger of it. I pray that we would absolutely flee from it. That You go to work on our heart right now, that in our community groups this week, that You would bring stuff to light, that we would walk through together. Lord, bring healing so we desperately need it. We ask this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
A Husband's Honor
1 Peter 3:7
Transcript
So obviously we introed with a clip from the movie Frozen, so we're talking about manhood, masculinity, and being a husband today. But so what we're doing is we're walking verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter. And Peter, what we're doing these two weeks, we just called it Misfit Marriage. So this whole series we've entitled Misfits because we're just looking at Peter's describing, writing a letter to the church in the first century and calling them to look like the gospel actually affects their lives. Which means that we will automatically not fit in as well in our culture because we're using a different thing to guide us.
We have different goals, different thoughts on what is best for us as we walk through life. What life is actually supposed to look like. And so we just entitled this Misfits. And so for the past two weeks, last week and this week, we're looking at what the instruction he gives to wives and husbands. And actually how that makes our marriages look different. You're not going to read this in People Magazine.
What we're going to talk about today, what we talked about last week specifically with wives being submissive to and subject to their husbands. You're not like, oh yeah, I saw an article about that recently. People were so on board with that. It's just not what our culture says, but it's actually what's good and helpful and beneficial as told to us by God who designed everything. And so I want to start off. We're going to pray and then I'm going to kind of, let me do this first.
I want to start off by talking to the females in the room and try to help you understand what you, why you would want to listen this morning. What would actually be helpful to you as you listen. So single females. Some of you are not supposed to get married, don't feel called to get married, don't want to get married. That is fine. That is good.
You get to image the gospel in that way, in a way particular to singles. You get to show the gospel in a way that married couples can't. And so that's beautiful and good and okay for the females in the room who feel called to get married, who want to get married, who have a desire to be a wife, to be a mother. What we're going to talk about today is what husbands ought to look like, what men ought to look like. And so I just want you to know what that should look like so that you can recognize it and so you can expect it. Let me just tell you something about guys that you may or may not know.
If you lower the bar, they will pretty much meet your expectations. Guys are pretty much going to jump the hurdles that are given to them. And if they won't, good, fine. Like if you raise the bar on what it looks like to be a man and what it looks like to pursue you and they're not willing to reach that, find someone who will. Like if your biblical standard for what a man should look like is here and they won't come to that, then good. You don't want to marry that moron anyway.
But if you lower it, you will have hordes of morons knocking at your door. So if you do not expect biblical masculinity, you will not get it outside of God's just real good grace to you. Because you're basically going to get what you call out of. So I want you to understand what it looks like, what biblical masculinity looks like, what headship looks like, what God calls husbands to so that you can expect it. Wives, three things. Don't try to be the Holy Spirit.
So if your husband is just kind of off in some of these areas, isn't following well in some of these areas, isn't repenting well in some of these areas, don't elbow him. Don't go, eyes up there. Like don't do that. When you get in the car to go home, don't go, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Like just don't do it. So I don't care if your husband handled last week well or not.
You get the chance to handle this week well. So don't do it. Do pray that the Holy Spirit will put your husband on his rear end today in the areas that he needs to be. So do pray. If there's a section, just if it's just a helpful section where your husband's off, just be, dear Lord, get him. That's an appropriate prayer today.
And do, where you see your husband fulfilling some of these roles, doing well in some of these areas, trying in some of these areas, do encourage that. Do go and say, hey, thank you. Thank you for doing this well. Thank you for trying this. Thank you for leading here. Thank you for fighting for this for our family.
Do encourage it. So those are kind of your options and things you get to do today. Also, you want to know what's called for for your husband so that you can see it, so you can recognize it, so you can encourage it, and so you can expect it. So you can be willing to step back and say, no, that's actually something you're supposed to be doing. I expect that. Okay.
The Bible places on men what is known as headship. The reason headship, we don't really use this word, but the reason it's helpful is it is not just leadership. Leadership is not just given to men. Women are allowed to lead, called to lead, good at leading. That's okay. Okay.
Now, inside the marriage and in the church, headship is placed on men, and it's actually placed on all men outside of marriage, outside of the church. We are called to foster growth and health in all things around us. We're called to build and to cultivate, and that wherever we are, wherever men are, things are designed to flourish. And you can look at our culture and see that where men are lacking, things fall apart. And you can talk to a sociologist. You can look at studies.
Nobody's arguing this. Where there are fatherless homes, where men are lacking, things fall apart. It does not work well because men were designed and headship was placed on men to create order and allow those around them to flourish. That's what men are called to do. Which means that every man in this room, you were designed to carry weight. I've heard someone say that men are like trucks.
They drive straighter with a load, and that is true. You are not meant to be bored. Bored men become complacent and can cause great pain. You are designed to have weight and responsibility. You are designed to carry a load. Single men, pay attention to what you are called to so that you might step up and begin to lead and be a man in all the areas that you're in.
Now, you may not be supposed to get married, but headship is still placed on you in life. And for single men and married men, but specifically for single men, there are two things currently that can completely derail your ability to walk in masculinity in our culture. And that's pornography and video games. And let me, I just want to tag this very early on because those two things tap into two of the things that you were designed to be and do. That doesn't mean I'm not going to keep up with time. I'm just going to beat the snot out of myself with my watch if I keep doing this.
Two things that you were designed to be and do that it short circuits. Short circuits. So pornography, short circuits in a man's brain, in females' brains as well, but in a man's brain, when you were designed to pursue a real woman that you have to sacrifice for, that you have to work for, that you have to put yourself out for, that you have to take pain for, that you have to carry weight for and have responsibility for it, short circuits that and gives you a cheap imitation that will derail your ability to pursue actual masculinity. And video games easily tap into what you were designed to be, which is someone who builds, who wars, who creates, who strategizes, who leads, who suffers.
And video games allow you to tap into that in a moment so that you can actually sit on the couch and pretend to do all those things and never actually accomplish anything. Now, pornography, never okay. Video games as hobby, limited amount of time during the week, acceptable. Video games as part-time or full-time Job, unacceptable. Video games as the thing you do with your time when you have nothing else to do, unacceptable. Because it taps into and robs you of what masculinity is supposed to look like.
Let me read you some stats just about American men real quick. Tonight, 40% of children will go to bed without a father. For the first time in American history, the majority of children born to women under 30 are born out of wedlock. Today, a single woman is more likely than her male counterpart to go to college, have a job, attend church, and have a driver's license. The state of masculinity and manhood in the U.S. is in a very deplorable state. And where masculinity and manhood fails, things fall apart.
And we are a joke when it comes to masculinity in the U.S. right now. And the only place where that is going to change is through Scripture and from the church leading in what it looks like to be a biblical man. Jesus, when we look at Jesus, he sacrificed for those around him. He suffered for something bigger than himself. He didn't act like he was the center of the world, even though he is. He actually suffered for the good of those around him so that they might be lifted up, so that they might flourish.
He was gentle and kind and abrasive when he needed to be. He was focused. He shows us how testosterone ought to be handled, how male headship ought to look. And as you look at Jesus, you see every man sees what you were called to be, what you were designed for. And I would like to invite all the males in this room to join up with the other males in this room in following after Jesus, which means that we fail and we fall short, but we go shoulder to shoulder in trying to see what it looks like to be biblical men, which is not easy, but it's very, very good for our souls and for those around us.
Now, I will say this about our church family that I'm very appreciative of. We have a lot of men, and we have a lot of men trying to follow scripture, trying to study what it means, repenting of sin, leading their families. We have guys who were living with their girlfriends, became a Christian, moved out, and planned to get married so that they could honor their girlfriend and future wife. We have guys that lead in repentance of sin in their families. One of the complaints we have about our church family, which every time someone complains about it, I just get so happy in my soul. As girls will say, man, there's too many guys around here.
Thank you, Jesus. The least likely person to be a part of a church family is a male between the ages of 18 and 34. We're going to be baptizing four, maybe five guys next week in that age range. Thank you, Jesus. But we all want to go shoulder to shoulder in what it looks like to follow him and to be biblical men.
And so single men, married men. Good morning. We're going to study scripture this morning. Father, we thank you for this opportunity. And we pray that your Holy Spirit would lead us. And God, we need you.
And we need your grace. And we thank you that you don't leave us alone, but you show us what it looks like to be men, to lead, to follow. And we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Okay, so that's not going to be the tone for the rest of the day, but I wanted to start us off there. We're going to look at verse 7 of 1 Peter chapter 3.
So it's on page 657. We're going to look at one verse. And we're really just going to try to unpack for husbands. Now, it applies to men in general, but for husbands specifically, how you ought to relate to your wife. And this is, 1 Peter is going to hit a different area than some of the other areas in scripture hit. So that's why I brought up headship, because it falls under that, although 1 Peter is not going to address it.
Ephesians 5 has some really helpful things. But we're just going to specifically look at what Peter has to say about it as he comes out of. Last week he said, wives, be subject to your husbands. Follow their leadership. Realize that their decisions are going to affect you and be willing to submit, trusting Jesus over your husband. That's what we just studied last week.
And so if you come out of that, you can immediately be like, okay, so husbands just get to do whatever they want and get their way. If he didn't put this verse in, you might could assume that, but he put this in, so you can't assume that. We're going to read this verse, and then we're going to walk through it chunk by chunk. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I'm going to read that again. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
To be helpful, we're going to walk through chunk by chunk, but we're going to skip ahead real quick just so that we're not all confused. What does he mean by weaker vessel? So immediately females can be like, hold on a second, what is this? What did he just say? Especially in our culture where that's kind of frowned upon to say things like that. So let me just give you a few areas that he may, what he may be referring to when he says live with your wife in an understanding way, honoring them as the weaker vessel.
In general, he may be pointing to the fact that in general females are more in touch with their emotions, which is good. You want that. But it makes certain circumstances more difficult for females. The ability to swap back and forth between everything being tied to their emotions. So there's not much that happens with my wife, Anna, that isn't also connected to emotions, to how she feels about things.
85% Of my life is not connected to how I feel about things. And that makes me easier to, it makes it easier for me to handle certain circumstances. That may be what he's talking about. The emotional wiring of males and females, which just listen to a comedian. We agree with this, or at least we see it. Could be in general that males are bigger, more physically designed to take a beating than females.
That could be in general what he's talking about, and that is in general. I mean, I wouldn't want to play tennis with Serena Williams or arm wrestle her. But in general, males are bigger than females, stronger than females, able to take. That's why WNBA and NBA are different. That's why we separate sports the way we do. That's why there aren't many females that compete at the level that males.
It's just in general, that's the way it works. Now, there are exceptions. I mean, but even the U.S. Army has different regulations for males and females, although we did just have a few females pass ranger school where there aren't any differences. So there are exceptions, but in general.
The other thing he may, what he's basically saying is this. Not, he's saying they're different. Males and females are different. Not one is better than the other. So C.S.
Lewis says, To say one thing is not another thing does not levy a complaint against either. To say that the sun is not the moon is not to attack either. And so he's just saying that there's differences. It's like females are fine china and males are cast iron. Both good, used for different things. Treated differently.
If you took a Brillo pad to your grandmother's fine china, she would assault you. They can only be cleaned with the backs of white kittens. Like, I mean, there's just, you have to, you have to treat them differently. And it's not to say one's better. It's just used differently. Not one's better, not the other.
It's like saying, would you rather have a pillowcase or a plunger? What am I using them for? Like, they just, they're both good, but they need to be used differently. And honestly, we're all very glad that your pillowcase and your plunger are different and used in different. Like, you want, that's okay. It's okay for there to be differences.
I think that's what he's pointing to here. And we're going to talk about a little bit about what that means. But we know this. Deep in our hearts, we know this. That this is the way it's designed to be. That there is a certain level of cast iron in China for males and females.
That we're supposed to be treated differently, spoken to differently. That's okay. So, there's a couple. They're laying in bed. 3.30 a.m. There's a loud crashing noise.
And it is now obvious that someone is entering their home. So, the guy rolls over to the female and he looks at her and says, in a very hushed and quick voice, Hey, you know how one of the things you like most about me is that I don't get into this whole male-female stuff that's been passed on to us from older people. Like, I'm not into that. And, you know, we always, that's one of the things you like best about me. So, I was thinking either we would just play Paper Rock Scissors to see who faces the intruder. Or we can make a really progressive choice and you could just.
Now, immediately, we know loud crashing sound, male and female in the house. Alright, boy. It's go time. Your name's just been called. Like, that happens at my house. I'm not going to look at Anna and be like, whose turn is it?
It's not happening. Male or female breaking into my house. They're about to have their hands full. Like, it's go time. That's just how it works. Like, we, okay.
In 2012, July 20th, 2012, at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, at a, like a midnight showing of The Dark Knight, about 20 minutes in, a guy comes in, throws in tear gas, pulls out an assault rifle. And three young guys in their 20s with their girlfriends, not their wives, not their mothers, with their girlfriends, push their girlfriends to the ground. And laid on top of them. All three of the girlfriends were wounded. All three of the guys died. The girls were wounded as bullets went past through the guys and into their bodies.
And immediately, across the world, those three guys were heralded as heroes because we know that that's how that's supposed to work. In the same year, there was a boat called the Costa Concordia that sank and 32-something people died. But there was widespread – it was just told as the story came out that men were pushing down women and children to make it to the lifeboats first. And immediately, that was condemned as heinous, sick, twisted, broken, because we know that this is true. That men are designed to take the beating. And so, as it comes to being a husband, being a man, one of the questions that you get to ask in your relationship is who takes the beating?
When it comes to working more, when it comes to picking up the slack, when it comes to making decisions, when it comes to who's going to take the beating? Because men are designed for it. So, I think that's what he's tapping into there. And now we're going to talk specifically through understanding way and then what it means to honor your wives. So, what he says is, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. I love that he says, live with them in an understanding way, which means that your posture is that of an understanding way.
He does not say, husbands, understand your wives. Because that would be terrible. But he does say, live with your wife in an understanding way. And here's how I think a couple of ways that this applies. Get to know your wife. Learn her.
Realize that she's going to change. So, my wife and I just had a son. My wife is different now. She is not the same person I began dating in high school. She's not the same person she changed when we got married. She's not the same person that she was when we first got married.
She's been different every time we've moved to different states. And she's had different jobs. She has changed. Her tastes have changed. Her attitude toward things has changed. And part of my role as a husband is to try to understand her.
To learn her. To get to know her. To pursue her consistently. So, I'll tell you one of the smallest ways that this has happened. And my wife always tolerated Taco Bell. She didn't really like it.
She was just okay with it. Because I really like Taco Bell. So, we would eat there some. And a lot of times, I'd be like, you want to go to Taco Bell? She'd say, sure. And this is why we were living here.
And we would go. But on the way to Taco Bell, there's a KFC. And it never failed. As we were getting close and she saw KFC, she went, or we could just get some chicken. And so, we went to KFC a lot. I could see Taco Bell.
I wanted Taco Bell. And I'd just be like, mmm. Then she got pregnant. And I don't remember. It was two, three months in. And she looked at me.
It was late in the evening. And she says, do you want to go to Taco Bell? Yes. Heck, yes, I do. And so, while she was pregnant, and I did not matter. It could be 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
It could be 10 o'clock at night. While she was pregnant, I could go, do you want some Taco Bell? And she'd be like, that sounds good. And so, I took advantage of this because I knew the only reason she wanted Taco Bell was because my son existed inside of her. And he wanted Taco Bell. That's right.
I passed on trashy jeans or something. Like, I don't know what went into him that made him crave Taco Bell. But I knew that was the only reason. So, I ate so much Taco Bell. And then, grace upon grace, she still likes Taco Bell. That's beautiful.
And I'm assuming that will last until maybe our next child. Like, I don't know. But her tastes are going to change. I say that to say, realize your wife is going to change. Her tastes are going to change. Her desires for things are going to change.
And realize that your wife is not someone else's wife. So, learn your wife's version of humor. Does your wife think sarcasm is funny? My wife thinks sarcasm is hilarious, which makes it very difficult for me to converse with other females. Because I say things to them that my wife would think is funny. And they look at me like I'm the worst human they've ever met.
I'll be like, you didn't think that? Okay. Sorry. My bad. What kind of humor is she like? What kind of...
How does she communicate? Is she a morning person? Is she an evening... Like, understand your wife. Begin to learn. This is not the time to have this conversation.
This is not the time... This is not the way to approach my wife. Realize that when your married friend says, this is what I do, that may or may not be helpful. Sometimes you just need to say, cool, bro, and not do that. You're married to a different person. Understand your wife.
Pursue her. Learn her. And realize you're going to do that forever. How do they receive affection? How do they show affection? Begin to learn your wife.
Okay. So, we're going to look at three ways to show honor. So, what he says is, understand... Live with your wives in an understanding way. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel means treat her differently. She is not one of your...
She is your friend, but she's not one of your male friends. She gets treated differently. She gets shown honor in a different way. So, we're going to talk about three ways, three places that this shows up. It shows up in how you talk about your wife, how you talk to your wife, and how you make decisions. So, we're just taking the idea of what does it look like to show honor to your wife, to love her, to prefer her.
And so, it's how you talk about her, how you talk to her, and how you make decisions. Talk about her. Here's the rule. This one's short. You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people, period. I will state that again.
You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people. This is something that men do. The two things men will get... Three things men will get together and talk about. They'll talk about sports. They'll randomly just talk about what's going on.
They'll bash their boss, and they'll bash their wife. You don't get to partake in the third... Second or third. You can talk about sports. I don't have time to talk about why you can't bash your boss. But just this one.
You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people. You can say nice things about your wife to other people. You can say nice things about your wife in front of your wife. You don't get to say mean things about your wife in front of your wife. It does not make you look good. It does not make her look good.
It does not foster health or growth or joy or peace in your household. Don't do it. You get to encourage her in front of people. You get to point out her wins in front of other people. You don't get to... My wife loves sarcasm.
Father, one of the areas I have to repent to her. most often is I will make sarcastic jokes to her or about her around other people, and that is never appropriate. It is not the same as when we are alone. So some of the things that I can say to her that are funny when we are by ourselves are not funny if other people are in the room, and I have to repent to her often. I'm getting better at that. I have to repent to her less often than I used to. You can.
The only caveat to this rule is if you are working through something and need to talk to some guys in your community group to ask for clarification for prayer, and as long as it's not in a gossipy way, you can say, hey, this is going on in our marriage right now. This is a thing that's happening. I need some clarification. I need some help. I need some wisdom here. That's perfectly biblically okay.
Otherwise, you don't get to just say, well, my wife always does this, and this is something. You just don't. It's not cute. It's not cool. It does not honor your wife. Okay, second one, how you talk to your wife.
Colossians is going to say don't be harsh. You don't get to bully your wife. You don't get to push her around. You don't get to go flash bang when you get in arguments. My wife is scary. I am way scarier.
And I know immediately if anybody knows my wife, they're like, she's not that scary. You've never seen her angry. She's scary. I'm scarier though. And so when we get in arguments, I don't get to throw things. I don't get to shout at her.
I don't get to call her names. I don't get to belittle her. You don't get to do that as a husband. You get to love. You get to honor your wife regardless of the circumstance. Prefer her.
Show her respect. Treat her as if she's more important than you are. That's what it looks like. So tone, word use. What this means is that you need to go out of your way to say very helpful, encouraging, gracious things to your wife. You need to look for the things that she does well, where the Holy Spirit's active in her, where you can see her growing and you need to point them out.
You don't just get to follow around and tell her the things that annoy you. When was the last time you walked in your house and specifically looked around for things to say encouragingly to your wife about what she does, about how she carries herself, about... One of the things that... It makes life more fun. You can easily notice the things that bother you. Walk in your house and go, I'm going to find five.
I'm going to find five things tonight that I can say encouragingly to my wife. Make it a game. Make it challenging. Some of you, two is a challenge. Go for it. Find something to say encouraging.
Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you so much for being like this. Can I just tell you that I noticed this and appreciate it about you? Can I tell you why all other females pale in comparison to you? They are garbage. And you're a roast.
Like, say some of this stuff. That's okay. Do that. Speak to your wife in an encouraging, loving, gracious way. And when there is conflict, don't go flashbang grenade on her to win. Don't pull up old arguments.
Don't... Resolve the conflict in a helpful, gracious way. You don't get to be harsh to your wife. The third one, and I think this one is the most confusing and difficult in a way to honor your wife as the weaker vessel and in an understanding way, is how you make decisions. So let me tell you the rule first, and then we're going to talk through a couple of scenarios, how it plays out, because it's difficult.
The rule is, first of all, there's headship placed on you as a husband. So let me tell you a little story. There was two naked people, and they lived in a garden. And they ate fruit, and the male naked person was named Adam, and he was given a job to name all the animals and to cultivate the rest of the world to look like this garden. So this is Adam and Eve.
There was one thing they couldn't do, which was eat of a certain tree, which was God, I believe, teaching them to trust him. And what happens is Eve, the wife, she would be the naked lady in the story. Try to stay focused. Ate of the tree, and then it says she gave some to her husband who was with her. And then, so she sinned, so she was deceived, the Bible tells us that, and she gave to her husband who was with her. So he was just hanging out, doing nothing, apparently, while she talked to a snake.
Husbands, if your wife starts talking to a snake, that's your moment. Step in. Don't talk to snakes. Anyway, sorry, I'm distracted. God shows up, and he calls for Adam. He does not call for Eve.
And when Adam responds to God, his response is this. The woman you gave me, he responds with, but my wife. And God says, no. The response there is, that doesn't matter. When God punishes Adam, he says, because you listen to the voice of your wife, which does not mean don't converse with your wife, don't ask for her opinion, don't let her speak into things. What it means is, the ultimate weight of the headship of your family rests on you.
The ultimate health and weight of and judgment for your family, your household rests on the male. That's the way it's designed. So if you look at a relationship and you say, she's in charge of that family. No, she is not. He is the head of the house. He's just a bad one.
That's how that works biblically. So the rule is, all decisions, ultimately, the man will be held accountable for. And there is no, but my wife. There is no, she's really hard to talk to. She's really difficult to lead. I'm sorry.
That doesn't get to be an excuse. You're held accountable for it. So the rule for husbands, you need to realize all decisions coming out of your household, ultimately, fall under your headship. Which means that when you make decisions, you make decisions to honor, to love, to serve your family, not yourself. So that's the rule.
All decisions ultimately will fall on your shoulders. And secondly, all decisions are made to honor, serve, love your family. Honor, serve, love your wife. Honor, serve, love your children. Guys in dating relationships, guys who are single. This begins by not having sex before you are married.
Because that is how you honor, serve, and love your spouse and your family. By leading immediately, early on, in repentance. By leading immediately and early on through following scripture. Which is hard. At no point does the Bible act like what is called of men is easy. And let me tell you something, men.
You were designed for difficult. You're supposed to carry weight. Now, I will say this. Since all decisions are going to fall under your headship, you need to become very well acquainted with this book. Men should be devouring this. Because we are not smart enough to make wise decisions outside of this.
If you think that you're going to navigate life well without this, that's a mistake. And you need to be asking your wife stuff because she's smart. Sarah and Abraham, we looked at them last week. There's a story where Sarah goes to Abraham and says, This is what I want to do in this situation. Abraham goes to God and God says, Do everything your wife just said. Ladies, you missed your chance.
That was the time to say amen. It's too late now. That's not the rule for how marriage should always work. It is not always do everything your wife says. But there are times when you're going to sit down with your wife and you're going to say, How do we navigate this?
And she's going to say, I think this, this, and this. And you're going to go, That was amazing. You're going to pray about it. You're going to say, I think God said do everything you said. Plans, steps one through five were brilliant. But at the end of the day, the weight of the decision still lands on you.
So let me show you some practical ways that this applies. It means that you honor your wife by preferring her and by deferring to her. The reason that so often Anna and I turned into KFC instead of going to Taco Bell is that I prefer my wife. Which means she gets her way in a lot of things. We discuss stuff and she, yeah, I don't care. That's not going to harm our family.
I don't know the difference between periwinkle and blue and fuchsia. Like, whatever. Yeah. Just paint it whatever. Like, we're good. Like, I'm, this means practically that my wife and I eat at Olive Garden.
I hate Olive Garden. It really tastes like, first of all, the decor is like you're in a retirement home and it tastes like they cook the pasta at a gas station. And Darden, the parent company to Olive Garden, recently had like a 300 slide presentation. And basically what they said was, this looks like an old folks home and it tastes like you cook this in a gas station. Like, the parent company said that to Olive Garden. So I'm not wrong.
But my wife and I eat there because she likes Olive Garden. What it means is that a lot of times you're just going to prefer your wife. You're going to defer to her. You're going to honor her. You're going to show her respect. You're going to act like her opinion means more than yours.
What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Now, lead. Make decisions. Don't put all the weight every time on your wife. Don't always look at her and go, where do you want to eat?
Sometimes just say, hey, we're going to go eat here. That's gracious to your wife. She appreciates that. Realize that. Don't make her make every single decision all day long because you're trying to be nice to her. But at times it does mean you're just going to defer to her.
You're going to prefer her. Now, what happens? And this is the big thing that shows up in this passage, especially with what we read last week. What happens when you disagree? And it's a big thing. It's not Taco Bell or KFC.
Because that's a real choice around here because we don't have a KFC Taco Bell, which Target Market, West Columbia. I mean, absolutely, KFC Taco Bell, you would do great. If you're listening online, anybody who works there. Sorry. What do you do when you can't decide? What do you do when it's a big decision?
When it's who goes back to school? Do I quit my job so that we can do a startup? When it's do our kids go to homeschool? Do our kids go to school? Do we do some of both? When it's how are we going to pay for this?
When it's what do we do with this money? How do we set our budget? What do you do when you cannot decide? When you have said all of your words, she has said all of her words. You have thought about it. You've prayed about it.
You've talked to your community group to seek wisdom. You've studied scripture. What do you do when there is, regardless of the size of the decision, one of you says this is what's best for our family and this is what's best for our family? What do you do? I will tell you what often happens, but you need to remember two things. All decisions coming out of your household will ultimately rest on you.
That does not mean wives and that does not mean for your wife that she is not held accountable for her decisions, her actions, her attitudes, her sins. That is not the case. It does mean that headship rests on you and that decisions coming out of your household ultimately you'll be held accountable for. But how do you honor your wife living with her in an understanding way, honoring her as a weaker vessel when it comes to conflict and decision making? Well, we already know that he told wives be subject to your husbands. So how do you, when there's conflict, when you can't make a decision, how does this work?
I'll tell you what often happens. Men often will do this. Will do whatever you want to do. For a couple of reasons. One is usually we're tired of talking. I'm just, I'm out of words.
There are days Anna asks me questions and I just answer in my head. And five minutes later she's like, are you going to answer me? And I'm like, I didn't. I just, I didn't know. I was out of words. I had run out earlier in the day.
I had no more. And there are times in conversations when it is two o'clock in the morning and I have no more words. And she still has a lot. Like I just saw a whole garrison of reinforcement words just show up. And guys will say, we'll do whatever you want to do. And here's, sometimes it is, it is, it is a pretend niceness and it is weakness.
And men, we need to stop. Here's what we're doing. If we disagree and I let her decide, she carries the weight of the decision. So if she's right, good. She was right. That's a win for us.
She's happy. We didn't have to talk anymore about it. She feels like I was nice to her. She's right. Good. I don't have to, I don't have to take the beating of being wrong.
I don't have to go repent. I don't have to, I don't, I don't, she just, if she's wrong, good. She'll see that I was right. And she'll take the beating. Not abusively like you're going to beat your wife. But she'll take the fallout of the wrong decision.
She'll have to own it. She'll have to carry the weight. She'll have to feel the pressure. Good. We argued about it. We discussed it.
We couldn't come to a conclusion. I finally said, we'll do whatever you want to do. And she was wrong. Good. Good. Good.
And it's weakness. It's not leadership. And it's not honoring your wife. It's not gracious. What you're doing is you're pushing your wife out in front of you and saying, hey, just be fodder. I don't think this is good for our family, but I'm tired of discussing it.
You take the beating. I don't think this is good for the direction of our relationship, but I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of saying it, so you take the beating. I'm tired. And I don't want to do what's difficult. And I don't want to do what's called of me.
And I don't want to take the beating anymore. So you do. Here's what happens. The way you honor your wife is by taking the beating on behalf of her. All decisions are ultimately going to, you're going to be held accountable for them. So that means sometimes you do what your wife suggested, what she says, what she thinks is right.
But you own the decision so that when it goes poorly, you still repent. You don't look at your wife and say, you had a bad plan. You look at her and say, I led poorly here because you did. Sometimes when you cannot agree, husbands, you take the beating on both sides. Your wife will be upset with you. That is fine.
You look at her and say, I'm sorry. I don't know if this is the right next step. I know it's the one we're taking. If everything was always clear, you wouldn't need leadership. If the next step was always obvious, you wouldn't need leadership. You would just agree and you'd move on it.
And that happens. But when the next step isn't clear, you have to lead. You have to carry the weight. You have to say, I don't know if this is the right next step, but I know it's the one we're taking. And then you take the punishment. If it's right or if it's wrong, you repent.
Repent quickly. If it's a wrong decision, repent quickly. Change course. Go for it. Wives, realize the grace that is offered to you in that scenario. You get to know that you are right and that you are following well, following Jesus well by following your husband.
That you're trusting Jesus as you follow your husband. And at the end of the day, if your husband says, this is the direction we're going, you get to know that you're right. Your husband does not get that grace. He doesn't get that. He doesn't get the chance to know that he's right other than he's trying to lead. He has to carry the weight of the decision.
So, it means you prefer your wife. You defer to your wife. You ask her a lot of questions. You learn. You let her step in, weigh in. But at the end of the day, all the decisions coming out of your household are ultimately going to be laid on you.
And at times, that means that you're going to have to look at your wife and say, I have heard you. And really here, listen. This is the direction we are taking. And I'm going to ask you to follow me. And you're going to carry the weight. And take the beating if you're wrong.
And take the beating in the decision at the beginning, even if you're right because of the disagreement. And that's how you honor your wife. And that's how you love your wife. And that's how you serve your wife. You don't let her carry the weight of decisions and put that pressure on her because she wasn't designed to do it. And it's not gracious to her.
And it's not loving. It's weakness. And it's not fun. But that doesn't have anything to do with it. Sorry. But here's where it gets a little better.
He tells us why. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. The reason we do this is because in front of Jesus, we're all equal. We need grace. We need him to work on us. We need him to change us.
We need him to step in and fix the problem. We need grace. Your wife and you need Jesus. One of the things we're told about manhood is that you can never admit you're wrong. You can never show any weakness. You can never ask for help.
No. Christian men need grace. Our weak need help. Need Jesus. All of us need Jesus. We all need grace.
We all need Jesus to show up and help us, to fix us, to change us, to lead us. And then he says, so that your prayers won't be hindered. I think this means two things. One is, if you don't understand your wife and you're not honoring her and you're not living her in a healthy way, your household isn't that healthy. And your prayers are just not going to be great. Your prayer life will be kind of messed up because your relationship with your wife will be messed up.
The other thing I think it means is this. God, who is in the ultimate position of authority and leadership, used it to sacrifice and suffer and serve those who are under his leadership, under his care. And if you are using your position of authority, headship and power to take advantage of females, to take advantage of your wife, to abuse her, to do everything the way you want to do it, to be lazy, to be weak. God only wants to talk to you about that. He doesn't want to hear about your job. When you're praying about work and a promotion, he's going, oh, we need to talk about your family.
You need to repent. And so what Peter's saying, I think, is love your wife, serve her, honor her, follow Jesus, and then you actually can pray well for her. You can have a healthy prayer life and you can talk about other things because you're not going to be in constant need of repentance. Okay. Next week is baptism. Thank you, Jesus.
We're going to celebrate. We're going to have a party. The past weeks have been, Peter hasn't pulled any punches. The past weeks have been obey all authorities, even the government, which Americans love that. So obey the government, honor everyone.
Then suffer well. You were called to suffer. You were designed to suffer. Suffer well. And then wives, be subject to your husbands. And husbands, honor and love your wives.
So it's not been the funnest past weeks. Here's what we're going to do. Because we're all heirs of the grace of life and we all needed Jesus to show up in our brokenness and our weakness and sin. We're going to celebrate now by taking communion. And what communion is is an active, present reminder of the fact that Jesus declared once and for all definitively on the cross that every single one of us is messed up and every single one of us needs him. That Jesus definitively declared that you are broken and that you need grace.
And then his body was broken as he sacrificed and suffered on our behalf so that we could have life and joy and hope and peace and grace. And so what we'll do is you're going to take bread and you're going to remind yourself of his broken body on your behalf. And you're going to take the bread and dip it in the juice to remind yourself of his blood that was spilled on your behalf. And you're going to take communion. But before we do that, as we've talked about some difficult things over the past several weeks, we're going to pray.
Some of you need to repent. Some of you need to confess. You need to talk to your husband. You need to talk to your wife. You need to say, I've led poorly here. I've followed poorly here.
I've undermined you here. I've not been encouraging. When I need to tell you 15 things that I love about you right now. Because all I've done is follow you around and tell you all the things that bother me. Single guys, some of you need to repent to your girlfriends. For leading poorly.
For taking advantage of them. Single females, some of you need to talk to Jesus about how much weight you've placed in a relationship that isn't to him. Where you've allowed a male to lead you poorly. When you should have been following Jesus and trusting him. Where you've thought that you had to do a certain amount of things or be a certain type of person so that someone could actually care about you. And that Jesus has already definitively declared that he loves you eternally and will sacrifice forever for you.
That he would give everything for you. And that you are loved and that you are valuable and that you do have worth. Some of you just need to talk to somebody in your church family and in your community group that you just have something against. You need to talk to them about it. You need to repent. You need to ask for their forgiveness.
You need to offer grace. You need to talk to somebody who you think has something against you. Just talk to them. Some of you just need somebody to pray with you. So here's what we're going to do.
This music is going to keep playing. We're going to move around. We're going to talk to each other. And then we're going to celebrate that Jesus saves sinners and gives grace to people who are broken and messed up. We're going to celebrate that we've been made into a family and that we have hope because Jesus died for us. And we're going to take communion.
And then we're going to sing to Jesus. Because he was a leader who sacrificed for those under his care to bring about life and joy to help us flourish. So I'm going to pray. We're going to dim the lights a little bit. And we're going to move around. It should get loud.
It should be people talking to each other, praying with each other. And then as you're ready and as you feel led, take communion to celebrate what has been offered to us in the gospel. Father, we thank you for grace. We thank you for your love that rescued us. We thank you, God, that you saved sinners, that we were not called to have it all together, to be moral, to be perfect, to lead well, to serve well, to follow well, to be able to submit to authority well, to be able to suffer well, God, that none of that plays into the grace that is poured out on us, that it is all you. God, we thank you that we can forgive and we can repent and we can confess and that we have joy offered to us and restoration offered to us and peace offered to us and freedom offered to us in the cross.
And we praise you, God, that we are heirs of your grace. In Jesus' name, amen.
A Wife's Hope
1 Peter 3:1-6
Transcript
We're going to be talking about marriage for the next two weeks. So we're talking, we're walking verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter, and he's just now gotten to where he's talking specifically into situations. So what he's done in the first chapter, chapter and a half, he said, this is the gospel. This is what Jesus has done, and this is how it, in a cosmic way, impacts your life. And then he's kind of made a turn and started to say, in individual situations, in this relationship, and how you work here, how you function here, this is how this message of the gospel, the truth of the resurrection, the certainty of your inheritance, the certainty of your hope applies in these specific situations.
And so we've just called the whole series Misfits. Basically, he's writing to who he calls strangers and exiles and saying, because this is true, you won't fit into your culture. And so we just have entitled this Misfit Marriage for two weeks. We're going to look at what Peter says about marriage, and it doesn't really fit well in our culture, but it is derived from what he's already said about the gospel and who Jesus is and where our hope is and where our inheritance is. And so we're going to get to talk about marriage. The thing about marriage is that it is really difficult.
It's just hard. Marriage is hard in general, and our culture doesn't have a good handle on marriage. It's not one of our strong suits in America. Marriage isn't. And we're even just kind of confused on it. So I'll give you an example of that.
If you're watching a movie and the people start off not married, a lot of the time the resolution to the movie, the big end goal is that they get married. That's the magic moment. They ride off into the sunset. Everything's perfect. They meet at the top of that tower because he couldn't sleep when he was in Seattle. They get married.
There's just this, all of these things, and then it just comes together, and they get married, and everything works out, and that's the big dream moment. If the movie starts off with them married, the marriage is the problem. They don't get along. There's another person that comes in that would fix this. They're not really in love anymore. So start off not married, marriage fixes it.
Start off married, marriage is the problem. We're kind of confused on this. And so one of the things I get to do that I really enjoy about being a pastor is I get to do premarital counseling with some of the couples. If I'm going to be performing their wedding, I get to do premarital counseling and try our best to help them. The problem with people who have not been married is that they don't listen very well. Like you're saying really helpful true things, and it just like doesn't make it past the cloud of smoky love that floats around their head.
Like it just, they are not listening. And I know this for a fact because I will say some of the same stuff to the same people six months after they've been married, and they'll say, man, that's really helpful. And it's like we already talked about this. You just didn't hear it. And whenever I do perform a wedding, I always write it out word for word because people remember forever what you said at their wedding. And so I write it out word for word, and I read it, and I always read it to Anna beforehand, and she will say, no, you cannot say that at a wedding.
One of the things I often want to include is this. I want to start weddings off. Most all weddings, I want to start off like this. This wedding, this marriage, this marriage is perfectly set up for there to be a life of joy and happiness. The only problem is this sinner here and this sinner here. Otherwise, this marriage would be great.
And every time Anna's like, you can't start a wedding like that, people don't want to hear that. And it's true, though. And the reason she says that is because she's a sinner. That is true, though. That's the problem with marriages is that we're sinners. We're busted.
We're messed up, and we need help. And we need God to speak into this. We need him to step in and say, this is what you need. This is what you need to hear. This is how to walk through this tough situation. This is how this ought to work, as I have laid it out, as I have designed it.
And so graciously and thankfully he does. Now, he doesn't always say what we want him to say. But honestly, that kind of points to the fact that he is real and that he's not an American. He actually is above all culture and all time and is speaking into it. And so just the fact that what he says immediately hits our ears and makes us a little uncomfortable or a little defensive actually kind of proves some of the validity of his existence and that he doesn't just fit into what we want him to say. Okay, so what we're going to look at today specifically is what Peter addresses to wives, and he's going to talk about being submissive to your husband.
So immediately, I know we all got super excited. Well, half of the people that are married did. And I just have a few things that we've got to kind of get in our brains before we get into this. Now, luckily for us, we've been going verse by verse through 1 Peter, which makes us cover topics we probably wouldn't otherwise. So two weeks ago, we got to talk about submitting to the government, which all Americans love.
It's one of our favorite sermons. It's preached often on the 4th of July. Here's how we should still have a king. So submitting to governments. Then we got to talk about suffering, another perennial favorite of Americans.
We love suffering. It's one of our favorites. Now we're talking about wives submitting to their husbands. And next week, what we're going to do, just to save some time, is we're just going to form a line and poke everybody in the eye and send you home. It's just been several weeks of tough stuff that's in Scripture. But what we're going to do is we're going to study this today.
A couple of things before we get into the text. Husbands. Next week, we will be talking to husbands. So lead your family well and be here. But we'll be talking directly to husbands.
Don't say amen today. Just graciously listen. Listen. Don't elbow your wife. You can act like you're asleep in certain sections if that is helpful to you. No.
Pay attention. Be a part. But don't try to be the Holy Spirit. If there are issues in this or areas where the Holy Spirit needs to speak, you just listen graciously. Wives, do the same thing next week. Single ladies.
I think there are two really helpful ways that you can listen to this sermon and two reasons why you would want to. One, what is asked of you in Scripture in marriage is very difficult. So, our hope for you at Mill City Church, there are single ladies in our church who are going to get married. There are single ladies in our church who are not going to get married. And that's a perfectly fine way to live your life. It is a perfectly good and godly biblical response to following Jesus.
You don't level up if you get married. You don't become a complete person if you get married. Married couples. Quit insinuating that. You didn't level up. You didn't become complete.
Quit acting like every single lady has to get married. She does not. Some of you aren't going to get married and that's okay. But some of you are. And in our culture, the higher percentage of you are. And here's our goal.
That you would understand what is asked of you in marriage so that you will not, you will stop dating morons. The Bible is going to ask you to be submissive to your husband. If he is not a moron, that is easier. The correct biblical response for some of you ladies who are single is to listen to these sermons for the next two weeks and then break up with your boyfriend. That is the correct response. If he is mad, send him to us.
We will talk to him. We will get him in a group. We will help him follow Jesus like we are. And we will help him grow into what a biblical man is supposed to look like. That would be, that is a correct biblical response. The second reason, single ladies, you ought to listen to this sermon is the way we do our community groups.
You are a part of groups with families, with married couples. We don't do it by age. We don't do it by life stage. And you need to be able to graciously be helpful to the married ladies in your group. To point them to the gospel. To point them to scripture.
To not give them dumb advice that you read in a magazine or watched in a movie. Or feel in your heart. To actually know what is helpful, what God says. And to be able to graciously be a part of loving and serving your church family well. So, wives, good morning. Most of what we will talk about is going to directly apply to you.
So let's pray. And then we are going to read this whole text together. And then walk through it a chunk at a time. God, we need your help. We are not well equipped by our culture to hear what your word says in this area. Immediately we are going to have questions, frustrations, and doubt.
We are going to be tempted to misapply this in a number of ways. And so, God, we just ask that your Holy Spirit would work. Bring clarity. Give grace. And apply your word to all of the different people in this room. As we need to hear it and as we need to change.
Husbands, wives, single men, and single ladies. That we might all grow to love you more. And to love our church family more. Through your word. In Jesus' name. Amen.
We are in 1 Peter chapter 3, page 657. If your Bible looks like this. These Bibles are on the row. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. It's our gift to you. We want you to have a Bible.
We want you to read it often. So, page 657, 1 Peter chapter 3. And we are going to read the first six verses. Peter is going to address wives. And then in verse 7 he is going to address husbands. And that is what we are going to look at next week.
Likewise, wives. So, likewise being what he just talked about with the servants. And with having Jesus as their example. Likewise, wives. Be subject. Which means submit yourself.
Subject yourself to your husband. To his will. To his leadership. It does not say men or husbands. Subject your wives. It says wives.
Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if. Some do not obey the word. Aren't Christians. Aren't listening to scripture.
Aren't following well. So that even if some do not obey the word. They may be one. Without a word. By the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.
With the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham.
Calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good. And do not fear anything that is frightening. Okay. That text is tough. And I think made more difficult.
More tough. By our context. By our culture. There is a little bit of that. That you read. And you feel like.
It is something that you would graciously listen to your grandfather say. And then come away being like. I kind of feel sorry for my grandmother. I think he is a bit like sexist. And overbearing. Like that didn't.
Like there is some stuff in this text. That is like. Peter I wish you had clarified a little more. Or you listen to it. And immediately. Because of what we have been trained.
Our trained knee jerk reaction is. Oh I heard a guy say this one time on Cops. He had a really sweet wife beater. And a nice mullet. And he agreed with that passage. Like there is immediate.
This. You read it and you think. Okay. So did the Bible just say. Christian wives should be doormats. Is that what it says?
That is the Christian wife. Your husband just rolls over you. Or is it just saying. That this is a personality type. Like you read that. And immediately think.
Gentle. Quiet. Spirit. Like is it just saying. You have to be this type of person. To follow well.
And is it saying. That women are less than. Or not as good. Not as strong. Not as smart. Does it.
Like is it saying. That obviously. Men are better than women. And therefore. This is how this should work. So just to clarify some of that.
So that we can actually walk through this text. And try to really listen to it. One of the things the Bible says. In first Corinthians. Is. That the husband is the head of the wife.
And it keeps going through. And it says like. Or in the same way. That God is the head of Christ. So. Immediately.
It cannot mean. By headship being placed on the husband. Which means leadership. Responsibility. Weight. It cannot mean.
That he is. Better than. His wife. Because. If that's what it meant. If that's what that relationship was.
Then it would mean. That God the father. Is better than Jesus. But the Bible is clear. That that is not true. That they are.
In the Trinity. We believe in the Trinity. Which means that. God has existed. From eternity. As God the father.
God the son. God the holy spirit. Three persons. One God. Forever. Say that again.
God the father. God the son. God the holy spirit. Are three persons. One God. And have existed.
In eternity. As that. Now if that's confusing to you. That is because. That is confusing. Amazing.
So. I think it was Augustine said. Try to figure the Trinity out. And you'll lose your mind. Get rid of the Trinity. And you'll lose your soul.
So. It's important. It's weighty. But it is. It's not how things work in our brain. So.
But. What it means is. That God the father. God the son. And God the holy spirit. Are equal.
In worth. In value. In might. In God. In godness. They're all equally God.
They're all equally to be revered. And to be loved. But. They show deference. They do different things. So Jesus on earth says.
He's submitting to the will of the father. He prays in the garden. Not my will. But yours be done. And then it says that. In Philippians.
That God gave him the name. That is above every name. So that at the name of Jesus. Every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess. The holy spirit speaks.
Only what he's. What he hears. And points always back to Jesus. But Jesus. While he was on earth. Said.
Blasphemies against the father. And against the son. Will be forgiven. But none will be forgiven. Against the holy spirit. So there's this consistent.
Deference. And difference. In role. But not. In equality. So.
In the marriage. Wives. Are designed. To function. In a certain way. And husbands.
Are designed. To function. In a certain way. By the way. God created us. And doesn't have anything to do with worth.
It doesn't have anything to do with intelligence. It doesn't have anything to do with ability. So I. I can. And have. And look into relationships.
And can. We can all look into them. And say. This. This lady. Is smarter.
Than her husband. And more equipped. To lead. The bible. Is okay with that. But the bible.
Is still going to place. The weight of headship. And leadership. On the man. Because that's what he was designed to do. Now.
His wife. Is supposed to be a part of that. Helping. Serving. Working. To make things good in their home.
But it doesn't. It doesn't mean that the roles change. Based off of ability. Because it's not about ability. And it doesn't mean that. Wives should be.
Doormats. Or not involved. Or not speak their mind. Or not have opinions. And we'll see later why. As he kind of clarifies.
As we go through. So. Just realize. He's speaking about creation. Why we were designed this way. And he's going to actually speak.
And because you were designed this way. This is how this ought to look. And so he starts off. And I think he clarifies. In some ways. In the very first sentence.
That this applies to everybody. What he says is. Likewise wives. Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if some.
Do not obey the word. Okay. So what he just said was. Wives. Submit to. Follow.
Be subject to. Your own husbands. Which there's something beautiful there. He says your own husbands. It does not say. Women.
Be subject to men. It doesn't say that. So this doesn't apply. Across the board. Between men and women. It applies between.
Husbands and wives. Wives. Be subject to your own husbands. Even if some. Don't obey the word. So.
It's kind of like when Jesus says. Love your enemies. That includes. People who are annoying. Enemies. Annoying.
See how that works. So when he says. So that even if some. Don't obey. So this.
Includes. All the way up to. Wives. Who husbands. Are not Christians. So it also.
Includes. Non-Christians. I mean. Husbands. Who are Christians. Who are in sin.
Who aren't in sin. It includes. All of. All husbands. Now. Let me specifically.
Say this. Peter. Is speaking. Into very difficult. Situations. For wives.
Especially. In his context. If you are a part of our church family. Or if you're just here today. And you are in an abusive relationship. We want to help you.
In any way we possibly can. We want to help you. So any way that you can get in contact with us. We want to help. Um. We'd like to have.
A nice. Sit down chat. With your husband. Um. If that would be helpful. Um.
But in any way we possibly can help. We want to help. So contact us. In any way you can get a hold of us. But. For all wives.
What he is saying. Is. You're. You're in this relationship. And your role in this relationship. Is to be subject.
Submissive to. And following your husband. And what he says is. Even if you're. If some do not obey the word. They may be won.
Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives. Now here's what's beautiful. Some of you are married to non-Christians. Or.
Christians who aren't obeying. Who aren't following well. Who aren't leading well. And. Peter just spoke in. And said.
Here's how to handle that situation. You have not been left alone. You have not been left without guidance. God has spoken into this situation. And what he says is. You actually get to speak more.
Through your conduct. Through your attitude. Than through your words. That the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not verbally.
And I know that hurts some of your hearts. But the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not through words. Now. I don't think it means.
You don't share the gospel with them. I don't think it means. If you've got a believing husband. That you don't point out his sin. That's one of the things Anna does for me. It's in a very gracious way.
She helps me see my sin. Um. And that's actually one of the ways. That she serves and ministers to me. But what it means.
Is that your primary relationship. To your husband. Is not words. But your attitude. Your response to him. And how you walk through difficult situations.
So. Let me give you an example of this. And here's why I think this means more. And has more of an impact. If you and your husband disagree on something. Which is going to happen.
And you. Tell him. What ought to happen. This is how this ought to play out. This is what would be a good decision here. This is what we ought to do.
Here's how most relationships will work. And what we're taught that most relationships will work. One of you will win. One of you will get your way. If you disagree. At some point.
You're either going to agree. But if there's no coming to an agreement. One of you will win. This is the relationship your husband is used to. Expects in most all of his relationships. This is how it works.
One of you will get your way. A lot of times your husband just gives up. Because he's tired of the argument. Maybe your husband's really aggressive. And he just gets his way. But here's what happens.
When the situation plays out. If he is right. He feels justified. And justified against you. Feels like. See.
Told you. Because there was an argument. There was conflict. And there was. It didn't come to a gracious conclusion. If he is wrong.
He feels justified. Because you were mean about it. I'm just telling you how men work. It's not how this ought to work necessarily. But this is what they do.
We're sinful. But I'm just helping you out. Yeah. You were right. But you were a jerk.
So whatever. Like you. We disagreed. And you got your way. And you fought for it. Whatever.
Good. It never leads to. Health. Joy. Peace. It doesn't.
And some of that's because of the way men react sinfully. And some of it's because. That's not how it's designed to work. So. Here's what can happen. As you walk into these situations.
As you step into this situation. What you do is you get to say. Here's what I think. Here's what I believe. Here's how this should work. Here's what I see to be true and right.
But I'm on your team. So I want to clearly say where I stand on this. But I'm on your team. And whatever happens. Whatever. Whatever we end up doing.
I'm with you. If he's right. He feels justified with you. Feels like you're on his team. Wants to hear more of what you have to say. Is willing to hear more of what you have to say.
If he's wrong. He doesn't want to be wrong anymore. Doesn't feel justified. Doesn't feel okay in it. Feels like I've got someone with me. Who's for me.
With me. Told me this was a bad idea. I led into it anyway. It changes the nature of the relationship. When wives step in and say. I'm on your team.
I will follow. And so what happens. Is that your primary relationship with your husband. Is not through your words. The conduct of your attitude. In that relationship.
Changes his heart. More than anything will. More than you being right or wrong. Will. In your words. It's way more your approach.
And that's what Peter's saying. He's also graciously. Giving us a yield sign. In our relationships. So what a yield sign is.
Is when two people are coming to a crossroads. One of you needs to slow down. So there's not a wreck. And the yield sign. By God's design. Has been placed in the lane.
That the wife is in. This is a way. To graciously keep you. From train wrecking. Or constantly having. Accidents.
And explosive relationship. Where at some point. Someone's got to yield. The yield sign's been placed. In the wife's lane. Out of God's grace.
For the relationship. Now. A few more things. I just want to be helpful. Here on the without a word part. The easiest thing to do.
In your marriage. Is to notice what is wrong. And say it out loud. Some of you are very good at it. It's the easiest thing to do. How come you never.
Why don't you. I was over at their house. And they. If you only. I wish you would. Why on earth.
Just to notice. This wasn't done. This hasn't happened. Why is this box still on the floor. I know you had to step over this. To leave the house.
How on earth have you not seen this. What is wrong with you. If I wasn't here. You would die. Maybe all true. It's part of what makes it so annoying.
They're all valid points. Here's the problem. It's the easiest thing to do. And it never is an addition. To your relationship. It never adds to health.
It never adds to joy. And it actually doesn't change your husband. It does. In a short run. Short run. And a can.
Get me to. Cut the grass. This weekend. She can. She can belittle me. And harass me.
And tell me how terrible I am. And I will cut the grass. This weekend. I will cut the grass. I will not like her. I will cut the grass.
I will not be excited about my marriage. But I'll cut the grass. It always works in the short run. Eventually it breaks down. You can only beat your husband so long. You can only whip him into shape so long.
And let me tell you something. That will help you. And this is just. It's really in the text. It's trying to be helpful. You.
Wives. Are the person. Who gets to speak into your husband. The most. Out of anybody else in the world. Used to be his parents.
Now does you. If you follow him around for years. Telling him he's a failure. Telling him he's dumb. Telling him he makes bad decisions. Pointing out everything he does wrong.
The best you can get out of that. Is that he believes you. Option one. And fits right into the role you've marked out for him. Or. He spitefully tries to prove you wrong.
But he is not on your team. And he does not like you. And whenever he does. What you wanted him to do. He feels justified. And is mad at you.
Never leads to anything good. Here's the thing you get to do with your words. To be helpful to your husband. You get to be. Champion of his strengths. And some of you are like.
Ah. I got my work cut out for me. Yeah. Find some. Find some strengths. Point them out.
Let me just give you a really. When you see fire. Blow on it. As helpfully as I can say that to you. When you see. What I have seen wives do all the time.
And I don't understand this. People do this in general. But wives do this. I've seen in relationships. You want your husband to lead. You want him to take charge.
I just wish he would lead. I wish he would take charge. I just wish. I just wish. And then he does. And you know what you respond with?
About time. Finally. I wish you'd have been real nice. If you'd have done that sooner. And what happened was. There was a tiny spark.
And you went. He does not want to keep doing that. You punished him for doing what he was supposed to. When there's a tiny spark. Do this. Oh.
Oh. Oh. Lord help me. Oh. That's what you need to do. And I'm just.
I'm serious. The one time he does a dish. Don't say. Thank you for finally doing dishes. Come over to him and say. I have never seen a man look sexier with a scrub brush.
I appreciate that you know how much that bothers me. And that you don't just leave stuff laying around. That you do dishes. Anna does this to me. The next day. You know what I'm doing?
Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. She says.
I just. I tell you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate. That the grass is cut. That you care about what our house looks like. That you know it means something to me.
It makes me want to. She's taking the little things that I kind of do right. She. My wife says stuff like this to me. She'll go. Did you try to clean in here?
Yes. You did good. And then she'll say. I think you're done here. Which means. You will not get this any better than this.
And that's okay. And she'll say. I appreciate you. And I'll say. Thanks. Every once in a while.
And this is the. This. Indicates how terrible I am at cleaning. She will show up. The house will look terrible. I have done nothing.
And she'll go. Did you clean? And I always respond with. Yeah. Sure did. And then.
They usually have to admit that I'm lying. But. When you see fire. Blow on it. Here's the other thing. That I want to help you out with.
If your husband doesn't lead. And every time he drops a ball. You pick it up. He'll keep dropping balls. If every time he lets something slide. You step in.
If every time something's out of control. You'll step in and control the situation. He will continue. Forever. To not. And he will feel justified.
Because you lead. So you'll say. You need to lead. And he will think. Can't. You're doing everything.
Can't lead. Every time something happens. Leave a gap. When something's going on. And he's like. Just say.
I trust you. I believe in you. Do you know how empowering that is. And how terrifying. To have your wife say that to you. Oh.
You'll take care of it. I believe in you. Immediately. You're like. Yeah. Holy goodness.
Yes. I wonder if she really believes that. If she's tricking me. But it makes you want to. Like. Leave a gap.
Step back. Let some things run into the wall. And look at your husband. And say. You'll take care of this. And he'll actually begin to lead.
If every time something gets messed up. You step in. You take control. You hop in and fix it. He won't. He won't lead.
He won't be able to. The other thing is. Wives. If you tell your husband. What to do all the time. He can't lead.
And here's why. As soon as you say to your husband. This is what you need to do. Do this. Stop doing this. Here's what happens.
Leading in that situation. Has been removed from the table from him. Here are his options. Do what you told him to. He will never feel like he's leading. If he's doing what you told him to.
Don't do what you told him to. Spitefully. What if you told him. To do something good. And his best way. To actually do.
Be his own man. Is to do the opposite. As soon as you tell him. Do this. Leading has been removed from the table. He can't.
So. How does Peter say. Wives ought to relate to their husbands. Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives.
When they see your respectful. And pure. Conduct. Which means that you look like a Christian. That's pure conduct. And respectful is.
That you treat them with some deference. Some I believe in you. Some grace. You give them room to fail. You don't beat them up. Do not let your adorning.
Be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on. Of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning.
Be the hidden person. Of the heart. With the imperishable beauty. Of a gentle. And quiet spirit. Which in God's sight.
Is very precious. Ladies. How much does our culture reinforce. That beauty is internal. That is correct. That is how much.
Our culture does not reinforce that very much. Every once in a while. You have a movie. Or some sort of an ad. That tries to say that. But mostly.
Our culture. Says. Beauty is external. Value. Is external. How beautiful are you?
How good do you look? How much skin do you show? How much can you. Attract men through your physicality. That's where we place value. There are two.
Christian colleges. In our state. Christian colleges. In our state. That have beauty pageants. Pageants.
Pageants. That's the plural for pageant. That have beauty pageants. And the winner. Gets a scholarship. Found that out this week.
That's cute. What Peter is saying is. Beauty is not external. Do you want to know what makes you beautiful. Year. After year.
After year. After year. And actually allows you to become more beautiful as you age. Your attitude. Your heart. Who you are as a person.
And that actually to your husband. Can become the most beautiful thing. To where you actually can grow old together. And he can find you more beautiful every year. But here's what's even more beautiful about that.
Is what it says. Is that it's beautiful to God. The imperishable beauty. Which means it doesn't get old. It doesn't. Start to fade.
It doesn't need a facelift. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. God looks on it and says. That's beautiful. When a wife submits to her husband.
Follows his leadership. Is gracious towards him. Now. It's not a personality type. It says spirit. Gentle and quiet spirit.
It does not mean. Can't be volume wise loud. There's some ladies who read that. And go. I have never been described as gentle or quiet. All the notes that they sent home with me to my parents.
Said the opposite. This does not mean change your personality. It does mean tone. Attitude. So I'm a quiet person.
Let me take that back. When I'm angry. I'm a quiet person. So I had two brothers. My response to anger was punch. Not keep.
Not say words. I didn't have verbal arguments. I had. Please stop. Stop. Pow.
That was my. Carried that into high school. Got me into trouble. But. In my marriage. I just don't get loud.
I don't go volume. I don't go flashbang. But Anna. Knows. My angry voice. Because it is me.
Intentionally. Overriding. The part of me. That doesn't want to talk when I'm angry. And making myself say words. And saying them very intentionally.
So I will talk like this. So. I will talk like this. Anna. What I was trying to say. In that situation was.
And she'll say. Don't yell at me. I'm not yelling. Because I don't. I don't get loud. Volume doesn't go up.
This is. When actually. When I first started preaching. When I'm really in an intense moment. And trying to think of the words really clearly. I'll go.
Into. That voice. And Anna would leave. And go. I feel like you just yelled at me. For an hour.
That was terrible. And it's like. And it took me a while. To figure out what she was talking about. I was like. I didn't yell.
Tone. Attitude. So some of you can be very quiet people. And can absolutely not have a gentle and quiet spirit. Towards your husband. You can follow him around and go.
I told you that was what was going to happen. I wish. Sometimes. I pray about this. That I hadn't married. An idiot.
Okay. Volume. Low. Gentle and quiet spirit. Not so much. Some of you.
Can't. Talk. Quietly. Ever. It's a good thing we don't have a confessional. Forgive me father.
For I have sin. Like. It'd be terrible. It'd be like. Alright. This person's up.
Everybody out in the room. Like. You just can't. You're not quiet. That's okay. That's not what it means.
It doesn't. It's gentle and quiet spirit. It is your approach. It is your tone. It is how you graciously approach your husband. Speak to.
Build up. Love. Have grace for. It does not mean. Volume. You.
Okay. Okay. Here's what Peter just said. Submit to your husband. Be subject to your husband. Which means that.
Being subject means. As he makes decisions. You're kind of in tow. Like you're. His. His decisions.
His. Like. If. Okay. Be subject to your husband. Uh.
Your primary relationship is. Is to be. Win him over without words. But through your conduct. Which means that. You.
You don't get to just tell him what to do all the time. You don't get to tell him how he's terrible all the time. You don't. Which is super fun. And probably true a lot of times. You don't.
You don't get to step in and lead. And take over. Like. And that you're. It's the inner person. That is absolutely beautiful.
That gets to grow. And be fostered. So the question. Is. How. How.
How can you be married to someone. And watch them make terrible decisions. And not hop in and take over. How. How can you be married to someone. And watch them.
Not doing anything. Being lazy. And. And not point it out. Not try to get them to do what they're supposed to do. How can you read the text.
Like we're going to look at next week. That says. Here's what a husband ought to do. And not. Not help that happen. Wives.
You see so clearly. So often. What ought to happen. How. How on earth. And so Peter answers that question.
Verse five. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands.
As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord. And you are her children. If you do good. And do not fear anything. That is frightening.
Okay. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped in God. What he's going to say. Is that your primary relationship. In your marriage.
Is to God. Your hope. And your trust. Is not in your husband. It's in God. Your faith.
Is not in your husband. It's in God. And that submission to. Your husband. Is first and foremost. Submission to.
And trust in. God. God. But he gives us an example. Sarah and Abraham. If you're familiar with Sarah and Abraham.
This is a very. Very helpful example. So he. What he says is. And he says. As he.
She called him Lord. Now. Lord there is not. God. Lord. Like it's used in the Old Testament.
It really means sir. It just means she was respectful. He was just indicating. Here's a time. Where we see her showing respect. And he's basically pointing to their relationship.
And says. Her general attitude towards Abraham. Was one of grace. One of respect. That she was. Gave deference to him.
And so here's the story of Abraham. And Sarah. Just to help you out. Some of the highlights from their relationship. God tells them. They're going to have a baby.
And they're super old. Oh. First he tells them. Leave your family. And move to a place. That I'll tell you later.
And Abraham says. Come on honey. She says. Where are we going? He's like. Heck if I know.
God told me. And she goes. So we know that at that point. She went. We don't know how. Up for this she was.
We just know she went. Then God says. I'm going to make a nation out of y'all. Through your own children. And then they. They do some.
Make some kind of poor decisions. But God keeps making this promise to them. And so they keep trusting. At different points. Sarah just follows Abraham. Twice.
Two times. One time. And then again another time. Abraham. Abraham. Who.
His wife Sarah. Was apparently very attractive. Externally. He's saying that she had internal beauty as well. But apparently.
Externally she was attractive. I think the Hebrew word they use is tenderoni. Probably shouldn't have said that. But it's out there now. That's not a Hebrew word. But.
So. She. She. At different times. He says. We're going into a situation.
And what he says to her is. When we get there. People are going to think you're attractive. They're going into different towns and villages. He says. Tell them.
You're my sister. This is her husband. Tell them you're my sister. So that. They won't hurt me. To get to you.
We'll just tell them you're my sister. And then they can just kind of like have you or whatever. As long as we're in this town. Because you're good looking. And I don't want to like. Carry the weight of.
I don't know. Protecting and defending you. Or like in this situation. I don't know. Leading well. So let's tell them you're my sister.
And twice. People took her to be their wife. Twice. Let's play a game. It's called. Good husband.
Bad husband. I'm going to give a scenario. And you're going to guess. Does this make a good husband. Or a bad husband. You go on a date.
To a restaurant. It's got a bar. But it's a restaurant. It's not just a bar. And a large man comes over to your table. He's had some drinks.
He has some tattoos. He seems overly friendly to you. And a little overly aggressive to your husband. He begins to hit on you. And you look at your husband like. Hey kid.
Do something. And your husband does the. I've got this. I've got this hands. And he looks at the guy. And says.
My sister Clarice and I were just talking. Your name's Clarice in this story. My sister Clarice and I were just talking. About how she has a hard time meeting good men. Aggressive men with tattoos. And I think this is just.
We all seem made for each other. I'm just going to let myself out. And. And y'all just have a nice evening. And he looks at you and says. Call me later.
Whatever. Uh. Good husband. Bad husband. Bad husband. Yes.
That was a fail. That was terrible. Like if he said that on match game. What's your perfect date? Our perfect date is. You pretend to be my sister.
Like. You would not have picked this guy. We could keep playing this game. But they all end with him saying. You're his sister. And it's always bad husband.
Uh. That's terrible. And what Peter says is. In the midst. Of weakness. Stupidity.
Immaturity. Your hope gets to be in God. Not your husband. Your trust gets to be in God. Not your husband. And.
Only then. Can you do all this other stuff. And here's what's so beautiful. And freeing about this. Let's read the last verse.
Um. Which is really. Kind of confusing. Verse six. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord.
And you are her children. If you do good. Meaning. Follow this. And do not fear. Anything.
That is frightening. And do not fear. Anything. That is frightening. You know what Sarah was afraid of? Nothing.
She didn't care. She wasn't afraid of bears. She wasn't afraid of fire. Like. What? Do not fear anything that is frightening.
That's what. Frightening things. Elicit fear. That's what. That's why. That's what the word means.
Like. Recently. I got a call from my wife. Answer the phone. Chet. You've got to come home.
What's going on? There is a lizard. In our house. No. I'm not coming home for that. You've got to come home.
What. What am I. Like. It's a lizard. Like. This is not going to.
I said. You're okay. This lizard. It's not going to attack you. She's like. I don't.
I can't. I've got a baby. It's like. Lizards don't eat babies. While on the phone with her. I did say.
It's not a skink. Is it? She was like. Why? What? I was like.
No. That's probably not a skink. Why? What? What about skinks? Well.
Does he. What color is his tail? What about skinks? They will attack you. No. They won't.
Right. Lizards don't attack people. You are perfectly safe. I told her later. I was like. Just so you know.
I draw the line at lizard. I would come home for a snake. I will come home for a snake. Not for a lizard. So I get a call.
Like two weeks later. And she says. Chet. I moved. The little thing. Archer was laying on.
And. Underneath. There was a big spider. And I'm okay. Like. She'll kill spiders.
If I'm not there. Although. I am the cleanup crew. Sometimes I'll come home. And she'll be like. There's a spider under that book.
You got to take care of that. And usually. I'll be like. There's no spider here. He was there. She calls.
And says. There was a big. There was a spider. And. And then I was going to take care of him. But then I saw like.
Ants. But they weren't ants. This spider was a mother. And she has just given birth. To a bunch of baby spiders. In the middle of our living room.
And I was like. I am on the way home. Partially because. I don't want a bunch of spiders. In my house. Like.
I don't like spiders. So I was like. I'm coming home. We will take care of this. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean.
Don't be afraid of frightening things. It's not. What he's saying is. And this is so beautiful. And so freeing. What he's saying to wives.
Is this. You. Don't have to. Fix it. And you. Don't have to.
Pick up the slack. And you. Don't have to. Carry the weight. And you. Don't have to.
Make it work out. Somebody once said that. The biblical headship. Is God telling the wife to duck. So he can punch the husband.
And what he's saying is. There are frightening situations. Maybe you will go bankrupt. Maybe it will be foreclosed. Maybe he never gets sober. Maybe what you told him was going to happen.
Is exactly what was going to happen. Maybe you watch your husband. Derail everything. And you. Aren't the one. Who has.
To fix it. You get to trust. That God is big enough. And good enough. So much so that his son.
Came to earth. To die for you. To rescue you. To redeem you. And that on the cross. Forever proved.
That he is trustworthy. And that he is good. And when he rose from the grave. Forever made certain. Your inheritance. And you.
Do not have to walk around on earth. Placing your faith. And trust. And hope. In a man. Or.
In your ability. To fix everything. You actually get to. Hope in God. That's what he says. This is how the holy women.
Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. The only way. You can do all of this other stuff. Is if your trust.
And your hope. Are set firmly. In God. Who is sovereign. Who is in control. Who is capable.
And at that moment. When that. Becomes a reality for you. You actually can step back. You can follow. Flawed authority.
Because you know. That ultimately. You're in God's hand. You're a dearly loved child. That that attitude. And posture towards your husband.
Is called beautiful. And precious to him. And that he will guard you. And defend you. And work. In ways that you never can.
You get to step back. And pray. That God will wreck your husband. Lead him to repentance. Lead him to the cross. Change him.
Give wisdom. And you get to know. At all points. That that is what you're supposed to do. That you're following well. Because you actually.
Ultimately. Are submitting to Jesus. As you submit. And follow your husband. You're resting in faith. As you follow and trust.
And your ultimate trust. And your ultimate faith. And your ultimate belief. Gets to sit. Firmly. On Jesus.
Not on your husband. And in that way. You're freed up. To actually. Do what he just said. Which seems.
Very difficult. And very impossible. The band's going to come back up. We're going to sing. And some of you. Wives.
Are in. Tough situations. Friends. And you. You can see clearly. How it ought to work out.
You feel like. You know exactly. What needs to happen. Your husband doesn't deserve. To be followed. Or submitted to.
And the text never covers that. What it actually says is. That doesn't play. That doesn't come into play. Whether he deserves it or not. You get to know.
That your hope. And your trust. Is in a sovereign. Good. Generous. Capable.
Loving. Active. God. And the value of your husband. Doesn't come into play. Because your hope.
And your trust. Isn't in him in any way. And you're free. The weight. Of how your children turn out. The weight.
Of how your finances turn out. The weight. Of how. Decisions are made. You get to place your hope in God. You don't have to fix it.
You don't have to control it. You don't have to make it work out. You aren't in charge. Of how it ends. God has freely invited you. To have the cross.
Be the center of your marriage. And to trust. And to hope. In God. You've been invited into a very free. And very beautiful.
Way to have a relationship work. As God has designed it. Get to trust that he's trustworthy. And good. Some of you may need to repent. Of your.
Ability to find fault. And as you follow. And trust after God. You may need to work on. Becoming better at pointing out. Your husband's strengths.
And taking all the small fires. And feigning them into flame. But ultimately. In your relationship. You get to rest. Your husband's going to fail.
You're going to be bad at this. And Jesus is good. And his grace is sufficient. And he's in control. Of your relationship. And you get to trust him.
Hope in him. And in that way. Have a lot of joy. In your marriage. Father. We thank you.
We thank you. We thank you. That you have spoken. Into relationships. That you have. Offered us.
Wisdom. And grace. And we thank you. Lord. That. In all the difficult.
Situations. That wives get to sit. Firmly. In your hands. That marriages get to sit. Firmly.
On your shoulders. That you've given us. A way to. To function. With grace. And love.
Towards one another. And we ask. Lord. That you would bless. The marriages. In our church family.
That you would help. The single people. In our church family. To love. The married couples. To serve them well.
To point them. To the gospel. That you would lead us. All to repent. And fall. More in love.
With the cross. We thank you. Lord. For your grace. In Jesus name. Amen.
Amen.