A Wife's Hope
1 Peter 3:1-6
Transcript
We're going to be talking about marriage for the next two weeks. So we're talking, we're walking verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter, and he's just now gotten to where he's talking specifically into situations. So what he's done in the first chapter, chapter and a half, he said, this is the gospel. This is what Jesus has done, and this is how it, in a cosmic way, impacts your life. And then he's kind of made a turn and started to say, in individual situations, in this relationship, and how you work here, how you function here, this is how this message of the gospel, the truth of the resurrection, the certainty of your inheritance, the certainty of your hope applies in these specific situations.
And so we've just called the whole series Misfits. Basically, he's writing to who he calls strangers and exiles and saying, because this is true, you won't fit into your culture. And so we just have entitled this Misfit Marriage for two weeks. We're going to look at what Peter says about marriage, and it doesn't really fit well in our culture, but it is derived from what he's already said about the gospel and who Jesus is and where our hope is and where our inheritance is. And so we're going to get to talk about marriage. The thing about marriage is that it is really difficult.
It's just hard. Marriage is hard in general, and our culture doesn't have a good handle on marriage. It's not one of our strong suits in America. Marriage isn't. And we're even just kind of confused on it. So I'll give you an example of that.
If you're watching a movie and the people start off not married, a lot of the time the resolution to the movie, the big end goal is that they get married. That's the magic moment. They ride off into the sunset. Everything's perfect. They meet at the top of that tower because he couldn't sleep when he was in Seattle. They get married.
There's just this, all of these things, and then it just comes together, and they get married, and everything works out, and that's the big dream moment. If the movie starts off with them married, the marriage is the problem. They don't get along. There's another person that comes in that would fix this. They're not really in love anymore. So start off not married, marriage fixes it.
Start off married, marriage is the problem. We're kind of confused on this. And so one of the things I get to do that I really enjoy about being a pastor is I get to do premarital counseling with some of the couples. If I'm going to be performing their wedding, I get to do premarital counseling and try our best to help them. The problem with people who have not been married is that they don't listen very well. Like you're saying really helpful true things, and it just like doesn't make it past the cloud of smoky love that floats around their head.
Like it just, they are not listening. And I know this for a fact because I will say some of the same stuff to the same people six months after they've been married, and they'll say, man, that's really helpful. And it's like we already talked about this. You just didn't hear it. And whenever I do perform a wedding, I always write it out word for word because people remember forever what you said at their wedding. And so I write it out word for word, and I read it, and I always read it to Anna beforehand, and she will say, no, you cannot say that at a wedding.
One of the things I often want to include is this. I want to start weddings off. Most all weddings, I want to start off like this. This wedding, this marriage, this marriage is perfectly set up for there to be a life of joy and happiness. The only problem is this sinner here and this sinner here. Otherwise, this marriage would be great.
And every time Anna's like, you can't start a wedding like that, people don't want to hear that. And it's true, though. And the reason she says that is because she's a sinner. That is true, though. That's the problem with marriages is that we're sinners. We're busted.
We're messed up, and we need help. And we need God to speak into this. We need him to step in and say, this is what you need. This is what you need to hear. This is how to walk through this tough situation. This is how this ought to work, as I have laid it out, as I have designed it.
And so graciously and thankfully he does. Now, he doesn't always say what we want him to say. But honestly, that kind of points to the fact that he is real and that he's not an American. He actually is above all culture and all time and is speaking into it. And so just the fact that what he says immediately hits our ears and makes us a little uncomfortable or a little defensive actually kind of proves some of the validity of his existence and that he doesn't just fit into what we want him to say. Okay, so what we're going to look at today specifically is what Peter addresses to wives, and he's going to talk about being submissive to your husband.
So immediately, I know we all got super excited. Well, half of the people that are married did. And I just have a few things that we've got to kind of get in our brains before we get into this. Now, luckily for us, we've been going verse by verse through 1 Peter, which makes us cover topics we probably wouldn't otherwise. So two weeks ago, we got to talk about submitting to the government, which all Americans love.
It's one of our favorite sermons. It's preached often on the 4th of July. Here's how we should still have a king. So submitting to governments. Then we got to talk about suffering, another perennial favorite of Americans.
We love suffering. It's one of our favorites. Now we're talking about wives submitting to their husbands. And next week, what we're going to do, just to save some time, is we're just going to form a line and poke everybody in the eye and send you home. It's just been several weeks of tough stuff that's in Scripture. But what we're going to do is we're going to study this today.
A couple of things before we get into the text. Husbands. Next week, we will be talking to husbands. So lead your family well and be here. But we'll be talking directly to husbands.
Don't say amen today. Just graciously listen. Listen. Don't elbow your wife. You can act like you're asleep in certain sections if that is helpful to you. No.
Pay attention. Be a part. But don't try to be the Holy Spirit. If there are issues in this or areas where the Holy Spirit needs to speak, you just listen graciously. Wives, do the same thing next week. Single ladies.
I think there are two really helpful ways that you can listen to this sermon and two reasons why you would want to. One, what is asked of you in Scripture in marriage is very difficult. So, our hope for you at Mill City Church, there are single ladies in our church who are going to get married. There are single ladies in our church who are not going to get married. And that's a perfectly fine way to live your life. It is a perfectly good and godly biblical response to following Jesus.
You don't level up if you get married. You don't become a complete person if you get married. Married couples. Quit insinuating that. You didn't level up. You didn't become complete.
Quit acting like every single lady has to get married. She does not. Some of you aren't going to get married and that's okay. But some of you are. And in our culture, the higher percentage of you are. And here's our goal.
That you would understand what is asked of you in marriage so that you will not, you will stop dating morons. The Bible is going to ask you to be submissive to your husband. If he is not a moron, that is easier. The correct biblical response for some of you ladies who are single is to listen to these sermons for the next two weeks and then break up with your boyfriend. That is the correct response. If he is mad, send him to us.
We will talk to him. We will get him in a group. We will help him follow Jesus like we are. And we will help him grow into what a biblical man is supposed to look like. That would be, that is a correct biblical response. The second reason, single ladies, you ought to listen to this sermon is the way we do our community groups.
You are a part of groups with families, with married couples. We don't do it by age. We don't do it by life stage. And you need to be able to graciously be helpful to the married ladies in your group. To point them to the gospel. To point them to scripture.
To not give them dumb advice that you read in a magazine or watched in a movie. Or feel in your heart. To actually know what is helpful, what God says. And to be able to graciously be a part of loving and serving your church family well. So, wives, good morning. Most of what we will talk about is going to directly apply to you.
So let's pray. And then we are going to read this whole text together. And then walk through it a chunk at a time. God, we need your help. We are not well equipped by our culture to hear what your word says in this area. Immediately we are going to have questions, frustrations, and doubt.
We are going to be tempted to misapply this in a number of ways. And so, God, we just ask that your Holy Spirit would work. Bring clarity. Give grace. And apply your word to all of the different people in this room. As we need to hear it and as we need to change.
Husbands, wives, single men, and single ladies. That we might all grow to love you more. And to love our church family more. Through your word. In Jesus' name. Amen.
We are in 1 Peter chapter 3, page 657. If your Bible looks like this. These Bibles are on the row. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. It's our gift to you. We want you to have a Bible.
We want you to read it often. So, page 657, 1 Peter chapter 3. And we are going to read the first six verses. Peter is going to address wives. And then in verse 7 he is going to address husbands. And that is what we are going to look at next week.
Likewise, wives. So, likewise being what he just talked about with the servants. And with having Jesus as their example. Likewise, wives. Be subject. Which means submit yourself.
Subject yourself to your husband. To his will. To his leadership. It does not say men or husbands. Subject your wives. It says wives.
Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if. Some do not obey the word. Aren't Christians. Aren't listening to scripture.
Aren't following well. So that even if some do not obey the word. They may be one. Without a word. By the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.
With the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham.
Calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good. And do not fear anything that is frightening. Okay. That text is tough. And I think made more difficult.
More tough. By our context. By our culture. There is a little bit of that. That you read. And you feel like.
It is something that you would graciously listen to your grandfather say. And then come away being like. I kind of feel sorry for my grandmother. I think he is a bit like sexist. And overbearing. Like that didn't.
Like there is some stuff in this text. That is like. Peter I wish you had clarified a little more. Or you listen to it. And immediately. Because of what we have been trained.
Our trained knee jerk reaction is. Oh I heard a guy say this one time on Cops. He had a really sweet wife beater. And a nice mullet. And he agreed with that passage. Like there is immediate.
This. You read it and you think. Okay. So did the Bible just say. Christian wives should be doormats. Is that what it says?
That is the Christian wife. Your husband just rolls over you. Or is it just saying. That this is a personality type. Like you read that. And immediately think.
Gentle. Quiet. Spirit. Like is it just saying. You have to be this type of person. To follow well.
And is it saying. That women are less than. Or not as good. Not as strong. Not as smart. Does it.
Like is it saying. That obviously. Men are better than women. And therefore. This is how this should work. So just to clarify some of that.
So that we can actually walk through this text. And try to really listen to it. One of the things the Bible says. In first Corinthians. Is. That the husband is the head of the wife.
And it keeps going through. And it says like. Or in the same way. That God is the head of Christ. So. Immediately.
It cannot mean. By headship being placed on the husband. Which means leadership. Responsibility. Weight. It cannot mean.
That he is. Better than. His wife. Because. If that's what it meant. If that's what that relationship was.
Then it would mean. That God the father. Is better than Jesus. But the Bible is clear. That that is not true. That they are.
In the Trinity. We believe in the Trinity. Which means that. God has existed. From eternity. As God the father.
God the son. God the holy spirit. Three persons. One God. Forever. Say that again.
God the father. God the son. God the holy spirit. Are three persons. One God. And have existed.
In eternity. As that. Now if that's confusing to you. That is because. That is confusing. Amazing.
So. I think it was Augustine said. Try to figure the Trinity out. And you'll lose your mind. Get rid of the Trinity. And you'll lose your soul.
So. It's important. It's weighty. But it is. It's not how things work in our brain. So.
But. What it means is. That God the father. God the son. And God the holy spirit. Are equal.
In worth. In value. In might. In God. In godness. They're all equally God.
They're all equally to be revered. And to be loved. But. They show deference. They do different things. So Jesus on earth says.
He's submitting to the will of the father. He prays in the garden. Not my will. But yours be done. And then it says that. In Philippians.
That God gave him the name. That is above every name. So that at the name of Jesus. Every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess. The holy spirit speaks.
Only what he's. What he hears. And points always back to Jesus. But Jesus. While he was on earth. Said.
Blasphemies against the father. And against the son. Will be forgiven. But none will be forgiven. Against the holy spirit. So there's this consistent.
Deference. And difference. In role. But not. In equality. So.
In the marriage. Wives. Are designed. To function. In a certain way. And husbands.
Are designed. To function. In a certain way. By the way. God created us. And doesn't have anything to do with worth.
It doesn't have anything to do with intelligence. It doesn't have anything to do with ability. So I. I can. And have. And look into relationships.
And can. We can all look into them. And say. This. This lady. Is smarter.
Than her husband. And more equipped. To lead. The bible. Is okay with that. But the bible.
Is still going to place. The weight of headship. And leadership. On the man. Because that's what he was designed to do. Now.
His wife. Is supposed to be a part of that. Helping. Serving. Working. To make things good in their home.
But it doesn't. It doesn't mean that the roles change. Based off of ability. Because it's not about ability. And it doesn't mean that. Wives should be.
Doormats. Or not involved. Or not speak their mind. Or not have opinions. And we'll see later why. As he kind of clarifies.
As we go through. So. Just realize. He's speaking about creation. Why we were designed this way. And he's going to actually speak.
And because you were designed this way. This is how this ought to look. And so he starts off. And I think he clarifies. In some ways. In the very first sentence.
That this applies to everybody. What he says is. Likewise wives. Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if some.
Do not obey the word. Okay. So what he just said was. Wives. Submit to. Follow.
Be subject to. Your own husbands. Which there's something beautiful there. He says your own husbands. It does not say. Women.
Be subject to men. It doesn't say that. So this doesn't apply. Across the board. Between men and women. It applies between.
Husbands and wives. Wives. Be subject to your own husbands. Even if some. Don't obey the word. So.
It's kind of like when Jesus says. Love your enemies. That includes. People who are annoying. Enemies. Annoying.
See how that works. So when he says. So that even if some. Don't obey. So this.
Includes. All the way up to. Wives. Who husbands. Are not Christians. So it also.
Includes. Non-Christians. I mean. Husbands. Who are Christians. Who are in sin.
Who aren't in sin. It includes. All of. All husbands. Now. Let me specifically.
Say this. Peter. Is speaking. Into very difficult. Situations. For wives.
Especially. In his context. If you are a part of our church family. Or if you're just here today. And you are in an abusive relationship. We want to help you.
In any way we possibly can. We want to help you. So any way that you can get in contact with us. We want to help. Um. We'd like to have.
A nice. Sit down chat. With your husband. Um. If that would be helpful. Um.
But in any way we possibly can help. We want to help. So contact us. In any way you can get a hold of us. But. For all wives.
What he is saying. Is. You're. You're in this relationship. And your role in this relationship. Is to be subject.
Submissive to. And following your husband. And what he says is. Even if you're. If some do not obey the word. They may be won.
Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives. Now here's what's beautiful. Some of you are married to non-Christians. Or.
Christians who aren't obeying. Who aren't following well. Who aren't leading well. And. Peter just spoke in. And said.
Here's how to handle that situation. You have not been left alone. You have not been left without guidance. God has spoken into this situation. And what he says is. You actually get to speak more.
Through your conduct. Through your attitude. Than through your words. That the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not verbally.
And I know that hurts some of your hearts. But the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not through words. Now. I don't think it means.
You don't share the gospel with them. I don't think it means. If you've got a believing husband. That you don't point out his sin. That's one of the things Anna does for me. It's in a very gracious way.
She helps me see my sin. Um. And that's actually one of the ways. That she serves and ministers to me. But what it means.
Is that your primary relationship. To your husband. Is not words. But your attitude. Your response to him. And how you walk through difficult situations.
So. Let me give you an example of this. And here's why I think this means more. And has more of an impact. If you and your husband disagree on something. Which is going to happen.
And you. Tell him. What ought to happen. This is how this ought to play out. This is what would be a good decision here. This is what we ought to do.
Here's how most relationships will work. And what we're taught that most relationships will work. One of you will win. One of you will get your way. If you disagree. At some point.
You're either going to agree. But if there's no coming to an agreement. One of you will win. This is the relationship your husband is used to. Expects in most all of his relationships. This is how it works.
One of you will get your way. A lot of times your husband just gives up. Because he's tired of the argument. Maybe your husband's really aggressive. And he just gets his way. But here's what happens.
When the situation plays out. If he is right. He feels justified. And justified against you. Feels like. See.
Told you. Because there was an argument. There was conflict. And there was. It didn't come to a gracious conclusion. If he is wrong.
He feels justified. Because you were mean about it. I'm just telling you how men work. It's not how this ought to work necessarily. But this is what they do.
We're sinful. But I'm just helping you out. Yeah. You were right. But you were a jerk.
So whatever. Like you. We disagreed. And you got your way. And you fought for it. Whatever.
Good. It never leads to. Health. Joy. Peace. It doesn't.
And some of that's because of the way men react sinfully. And some of it's because. That's not how it's designed to work. So. Here's what can happen. As you walk into these situations.
As you step into this situation. What you do is you get to say. Here's what I think. Here's what I believe. Here's how this should work. Here's what I see to be true and right.
But I'm on your team. So I want to clearly say where I stand on this. But I'm on your team. And whatever happens. Whatever. Whatever we end up doing.
I'm with you. If he's right. He feels justified with you. Feels like you're on his team. Wants to hear more of what you have to say. Is willing to hear more of what you have to say.
If he's wrong. He doesn't want to be wrong anymore. Doesn't feel justified. Doesn't feel okay in it. Feels like I've got someone with me. Who's for me.
With me. Told me this was a bad idea. I led into it anyway. It changes the nature of the relationship. When wives step in and say. I'm on your team.
I will follow. And so what happens. Is that your primary relationship with your husband. Is not through your words. The conduct of your attitude. In that relationship.
Changes his heart. More than anything will. More than you being right or wrong. Will. In your words. It's way more your approach.
And that's what Peter's saying. He's also graciously. Giving us a yield sign. In our relationships. So what a yield sign is.
Is when two people are coming to a crossroads. One of you needs to slow down. So there's not a wreck. And the yield sign. By God's design. Has been placed in the lane.
That the wife is in. This is a way. To graciously keep you. From train wrecking. Or constantly having. Accidents.
And explosive relationship. Where at some point. Someone's got to yield. The yield sign's been placed. In the wife's lane. Out of God's grace.
For the relationship. Now. A few more things. I just want to be helpful. Here on the without a word part. The easiest thing to do.
In your marriage. Is to notice what is wrong. And say it out loud. Some of you are very good at it. It's the easiest thing to do. How come you never.
Why don't you. I was over at their house. And they. If you only. I wish you would. Why on earth.
Just to notice. This wasn't done. This hasn't happened. Why is this box still on the floor. I know you had to step over this. To leave the house.
How on earth have you not seen this. What is wrong with you. If I wasn't here. You would die. Maybe all true. It's part of what makes it so annoying.
They're all valid points. Here's the problem. It's the easiest thing to do. And it never is an addition. To your relationship. It never adds to health.
It never adds to joy. And it actually doesn't change your husband. It does. In a short run. Short run. And a can.
Get me to. Cut the grass. This weekend. She can. She can belittle me. And harass me.
And tell me how terrible I am. And I will cut the grass. This weekend. I will cut the grass. I will not like her. I will cut the grass.
I will not be excited about my marriage. But I'll cut the grass. It always works in the short run. Eventually it breaks down. You can only beat your husband so long. You can only whip him into shape so long.
And let me tell you something. That will help you. And this is just. It's really in the text. It's trying to be helpful. You.
Wives. Are the person. Who gets to speak into your husband. The most. Out of anybody else in the world. Used to be his parents.
Now does you. If you follow him around for years. Telling him he's a failure. Telling him he's dumb. Telling him he makes bad decisions. Pointing out everything he does wrong.
The best you can get out of that. Is that he believes you. Option one. And fits right into the role you've marked out for him. Or. He spitefully tries to prove you wrong.
But he is not on your team. And he does not like you. And whenever he does. What you wanted him to do. He feels justified. And is mad at you.
Never leads to anything good. Here's the thing you get to do with your words. To be helpful to your husband. You get to be. Champion of his strengths. And some of you are like.
Ah. I got my work cut out for me. Yeah. Find some. Find some strengths. Point them out.
Let me just give you a really. When you see fire. Blow on it. As helpfully as I can say that to you. When you see. What I have seen wives do all the time.
And I don't understand this. People do this in general. But wives do this. I've seen in relationships. You want your husband to lead. You want him to take charge.
I just wish he would lead. I wish he would take charge. I just wish. I just wish. And then he does. And you know what you respond with?
About time. Finally. I wish you'd have been real nice. If you'd have done that sooner. And what happened was. There was a tiny spark.
And you went. He does not want to keep doing that. You punished him for doing what he was supposed to. When there's a tiny spark. Do this. Oh.
Oh. Oh. Lord help me. Oh. That's what you need to do. And I'm just.
I'm serious. The one time he does a dish. Don't say. Thank you for finally doing dishes. Come over to him and say. I have never seen a man look sexier with a scrub brush.
I appreciate that you know how much that bothers me. And that you don't just leave stuff laying around. That you do dishes. Anna does this to me. The next day. You know what I'm doing?
Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. She says.
I just. I tell you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate. That the grass is cut. That you care about what our house looks like. That you know it means something to me.
It makes me want to. She's taking the little things that I kind of do right. She. My wife says stuff like this to me. She'll go. Did you try to clean in here?
Yes. You did good. And then she'll say. I think you're done here. Which means. You will not get this any better than this.
And that's okay. And she'll say. I appreciate you. And I'll say. Thanks. Every once in a while.
And this is the. This. Indicates how terrible I am at cleaning. She will show up. The house will look terrible. I have done nothing.
And she'll go. Did you clean? And I always respond with. Yeah. Sure did. And then.
They usually have to admit that I'm lying. But. When you see fire. Blow on it. Here's the other thing. That I want to help you out with.
If your husband doesn't lead. And every time he drops a ball. You pick it up. He'll keep dropping balls. If every time he lets something slide. You step in.
If every time something's out of control. You'll step in and control the situation. He will continue. Forever. To not. And he will feel justified.
Because you lead. So you'll say. You need to lead. And he will think. Can't. You're doing everything.
Can't lead. Every time something happens. Leave a gap. When something's going on. And he's like. Just say.
I trust you. I believe in you. Do you know how empowering that is. And how terrifying. To have your wife say that to you. Oh.
You'll take care of it. I believe in you. Immediately. You're like. Yeah. Holy goodness.
Yes. I wonder if she really believes that. If she's tricking me. But it makes you want to. Like. Leave a gap.
Step back. Let some things run into the wall. And look at your husband. And say. You'll take care of this. And he'll actually begin to lead.
If every time something gets messed up. You step in. You take control. You hop in and fix it. He won't. He won't lead.
He won't be able to. The other thing is. Wives. If you tell your husband. What to do all the time. He can't lead.
And here's why. As soon as you say to your husband. This is what you need to do. Do this. Stop doing this. Here's what happens.
Leading in that situation. Has been removed from the table from him. Here are his options. Do what you told him to. He will never feel like he's leading. If he's doing what you told him to.
Don't do what you told him to. Spitefully. What if you told him. To do something good. And his best way. To actually do.
Be his own man. Is to do the opposite. As soon as you tell him. Do this. Leading has been removed from the table. He can't.
So. How does Peter say. Wives ought to relate to their husbands. Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives.
When they see your respectful. And pure. Conduct. Which means that you look like a Christian. That's pure conduct. And respectful is.
That you treat them with some deference. Some I believe in you. Some grace. You give them room to fail. You don't beat them up. Do not let your adorning.
Be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on. Of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning.
Be the hidden person. Of the heart. With the imperishable beauty. Of a gentle. And quiet spirit. Which in God's sight.
Is very precious. Ladies. How much does our culture reinforce. That beauty is internal. That is correct. That is how much.
Our culture does not reinforce that very much. Every once in a while. You have a movie. Or some sort of an ad. That tries to say that. But mostly.
Our culture. Says. Beauty is external. Value. Is external. How beautiful are you?
How good do you look? How much skin do you show? How much can you. Attract men through your physicality. That's where we place value. There are two.
Christian colleges. In our state. Christian colleges. In our state. That have beauty pageants. Pageants.
Pageants. That's the plural for pageant. That have beauty pageants. And the winner. Gets a scholarship. Found that out this week.
That's cute. What Peter is saying is. Beauty is not external. Do you want to know what makes you beautiful. Year. After year.
After year. After year. And actually allows you to become more beautiful as you age. Your attitude. Your heart. Who you are as a person.
And that actually to your husband. Can become the most beautiful thing. To where you actually can grow old together. And he can find you more beautiful every year. But here's what's even more beautiful about that.
Is what it says. Is that it's beautiful to God. The imperishable beauty. Which means it doesn't get old. It doesn't. Start to fade.
It doesn't need a facelift. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. God looks on it and says. That's beautiful. When a wife submits to her husband.
Follows his leadership. Is gracious towards him. Now. It's not a personality type. It says spirit. Gentle and quiet spirit.
It does not mean. Can't be volume wise loud. There's some ladies who read that. And go. I have never been described as gentle or quiet. All the notes that they sent home with me to my parents.
Said the opposite. This does not mean change your personality. It does mean tone. Attitude. So I'm a quiet person.
Let me take that back. When I'm angry. I'm a quiet person. So I had two brothers. My response to anger was punch. Not keep.
Not say words. I didn't have verbal arguments. I had. Please stop. Stop. Pow.
That was my. Carried that into high school. Got me into trouble. But. In my marriage. I just don't get loud.
I don't go volume. I don't go flashbang. But Anna. Knows. My angry voice. Because it is me.
Intentionally. Overriding. The part of me. That doesn't want to talk when I'm angry. And making myself say words. And saying them very intentionally.
So I will talk like this. So. I will talk like this. Anna. What I was trying to say. In that situation was.
And she'll say. Don't yell at me. I'm not yelling. Because I don't. I don't get loud. Volume doesn't go up.
This is. When actually. When I first started preaching. When I'm really in an intense moment. And trying to think of the words really clearly. I'll go.
Into. That voice. And Anna would leave. And go. I feel like you just yelled at me. For an hour.
That was terrible. And it's like. And it took me a while. To figure out what she was talking about. I was like. I didn't yell.
Tone. Attitude. So some of you can be very quiet people. And can absolutely not have a gentle and quiet spirit. Towards your husband. You can follow him around and go.
I told you that was what was going to happen. I wish. Sometimes. I pray about this. That I hadn't married. An idiot.
Okay. Volume. Low. Gentle and quiet spirit. Not so much. Some of you.
Can't. Talk. Quietly. Ever. It's a good thing we don't have a confessional. Forgive me father.
For I have sin. Like. It'd be terrible. It'd be like. Alright. This person's up.
Everybody out in the room. Like. You just can't. You're not quiet. That's okay. That's not what it means.
It doesn't. It's gentle and quiet spirit. It is your approach. It is your tone. It is how you graciously approach your husband. Speak to.
Build up. Love. Have grace for. It does not mean. Volume. You.
Okay. Okay. Here's what Peter just said. Submit to your husband. Be subject to your husband. Which means that.
Being subject means. As he makes decisions. You're kind of in tow. Like you're. His. His decisions.
His. Like. If. Okay. Be subject to your husband. Uh.
Your primary relationship is. Is to be. Win him over without words. But through your conduct. Which means that. You.
You don't get to just tell him what to do all the time. You don't get to tell him how he's terrible all the time. You don't. Which is super fun. And probably true a lot of times. You don't.
You don't get to step in and lead. And take over. Like. And that you're. It's the inner person. That is absolutely beautiful.
That gets to grow. And be fostered. So the question. Is. How. How.
How can you be married to someone. And watch them make terrible decisions. And not hop in and take over. How. How can you be married to someone. And watch them.
Not doing anything. Being lazy. And. And not point it out. Not try to get them to do what they're supposed to do. How can you read the text.
Like we're going to look at next week. That says. Here's what a husband ought to do. And not. Not help that happen. Wives.
You see so clearly. So often. What ought to happen. How. How on earth. And so Peter answers that question.
Verse five. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands.
As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord. And you are her children. If you do good. And do not fear anything. That is frightening.
Okay. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped in God. What he's going to say. Is that your primary relationship. In your marriage.
Is to God. Your hope. And your trust. Is not in your husband. It's in God. Your faith.
Is not in your husband. It's in God. And that submission to. Your husband. Is first and foremost. Submission to.
And trust in. God. God. But he gives us an example. Sarah and Abraham. If you're familiar with Sarah and Abraham.
This is a very. Very helpful example. So he. What he says is. And he says. As he.
She called him Lord. Now. Lord there is not. God. Lord. Like it's used in the Old Testament.
It really means sir. It just means she was respectful. He was just indicating. Here's a time. Where we see her showing respect. And he's basically pointing to their relationship.
And says. Her general attitude towards Abraham. Was one of grace. One of respect. That she was. Gave deference to him.
And so here's the story of Abraham. And Sarah. Just to help you out. Some of the highlights from their relationship. God tells them. They're going to have a baby.
And they're super old. Oh. First he tells them. Leave your family. And move to a place. That I'll tell you later.
And Abraham says. Come on honey. She says. Where are we going? He's like. Heck if I know.
God told me. And she goes. So we know that at that point. She went. We don't know how. Up for this she was.
We just know she went. Then God says. I'm going to make a nation out of y'all. Through your own children. And then they. They do some.
Make some kind of poor decisions. But God keeps making this promise to them. And so they keep trusting. At different points. Sarah just follows Abraham. Twice.
Two times. One time. And then again another time. Abraham. Abraham. Who.
His wife Sarah. Was apparently very attractive. Externally. He's saying that she had internal beauty as well. But apparently.
Externally she was attractive. I think the Hebrew word they use is tenderoni. Probably shouldn't have said that. But it's out there now. That's not a Hebrew word. But.
So. She. She. At different times. He says. We're going into a situation.
And what he says to her is. When we get there. People are going to think you're attractive. They're going into different towns and villages. He says. Tell them.
You're my sister. This is her husband. Tell them you're my sister. So that. They won't hurt me. To get to you.
We'll just tell them you're my sister. And then they can just kind of like have you or whatever. As long as we're in this town. Because you're good looking. And I don't want to like. Carry the weight of.
I don't know. Protecting and defending you. Or like in this situation. I don't know. Leading well. So let's tell them you're my sister.
And twice. People took her to be their wife. Twice. Let's play a game. It's called. Good husband.
Bad husband. I'm going to give a scenario. And you're going to guess. Does this make a good husband. Or a bad husband. You go on a date.
To a restaurant. It's got a bar. But it's a restaurant. It's not just a bar. And a large man comes over to your table. He's had some drinks.
He has some tattoos. He seems overly friendly to you. And a little overly aggressive to your husband. He begins to hit on you. And you look at your husband like. Hey kid.
Do something. And your husband does the. I've got this. I've got this hands. And he looks at the guy. And says.
My sister Clarice and I were just talking. Your name's Clarice in this story. My sister Clarice and I were just talking. About how she has a hard time meeting good men. Aggressive men with tattoos. And I think this is just.
We all seem made for each other. I'm just going to let myself out. And. And y'all just have a nice evening. And he looks at you and says. Call me later.
Whatever. Uh. Good husband. Bad husband. Bad husband. Yes.
That was a fail. That was terrible. Like if he said that on match game. What's your perfect date? Our perfect date is. You pretend to be my sister.
Like. You would not have picked this guy. We could keep playing this game. But they all end with him saying. You're his sister. And it's always bad husband.
Uh. That's terrible. And what Peter says is. In the midst. Of weakness. Stupidity.
Immaturity. Your hope gets to be in God. Not your husband. Your trust gets to be in God. Not your husband. And.
Only then. Can you do all this other stuff. And here's what's so beautiful. And freeing about this. Let's read the last verse.
Um. Which is really. Kind of confusing. Verse six. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord.
And you are her children. If you do good. Meaning. Follow this. And do not fear. Anything.
That is frightening. And do not fear. Anything. That is frightening. You know what Sarah was afraid of? Nothing.
She didn't care. She wasn't afraid of bears. She wasn't afraid of fire. Like. What? Do not fear anything that is frightening.
That's what. Frightening things. Elicit fear. That's what. That's why. That's what the word means.
Like. Recently. I got a call from my wife. Answer the phone. Chet. You've got to come home.
What's going on? There is a lizard. In our house. No. I'm not coming home for that. You've got to come home.
What. What am I. Like. It's a lizard. Like. This is not going to.
I said. You're okay. This lizard. It's not going to attack you. She's like. I don't.
I can't. I've got a baby. It's like. Lizards don't eat babies. While on the phone with her. I did say.
It's not a skink. Is it? She was like. Why? What? I was like.
No. That's probably not a skink. Why? What? What about skinks? Well.
Does he. What color is his tail? What about skinks? They will attack you. No. They won't.
Right. Lizards don't attack people. You are perfectly safe. I told her later. I was like. Just so you know.
I draw the line at lizard. I would come home for a snake. I will come home for a snake. Not for a lizard. So I get a call.
Like two weeks later. And she says. Chet. I moved. The little thing. Archer was laying on.
And. Underneath. There was a big spider. And I'm okay. Like. She'll kill spiders.
If I'm not there. Although. I am the cleanup crew. Sometimes I'll come home. And she'll be like. There's a spider under that book.
You got to take care of that. And usually. I'll be like. There's no spider here. He was there. She calls.
And says. There was a big. There was a spider. And. And then I was going to take care of him. But then I saw like.
Ants. But they weren't ants. This spider was a mother. And she has just given birth. To a bunch of baby spiders. In the middle of our living room.
And I was like. I am on the way home. Partially because. I don't want a bunch of spiders. In my house. Like.
I don't like spiders. So I was like. I'm coming home. We will take care of this. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean.
Don't be afraid of frightening things. It's not. What he's saying is. And this is so beautiful. And so freeing. What he's saying to wives.
Is this. You. Don't have to. Fix it. And you. Don't have to.
Pick up the slack. And you. Don't have to. Carry the weight. And you. Don't have to.
Make it work out. Somebody once said that. The biblical headship. Is God telling the wife to duck. So he can punch the husband.
And what he's saying is. There are frightening situations. Maybe you will go bankrupt. Maybe it will be foreclosed. Maybe he never gets sober. Maybe what you told him was going to happen.
Is exactly what was going to happen. Maybe you watch your husband. Derail everything. And you. Aren't the one. Who has.
To fix it. You get to trust. That God is big enough. And good enough. So much so that his son.
Came to earth. To die for you. To rescue you. To redeem you. And that on the cross. Forever proved.
That he is trustworthy. And that he is good. And when he rose from the grave. Forever made certain. Your inheritance. And you.
Do not have to walk around on earth. Placing your faith. And trust. And hope. In a man. Or.
In your ability. To fix everything. You actually get to. Hope in God. That's what he says. This is how the holy women.
Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. The only way. You can do all of this other stuff. Is if your trust.
And your hope. Are set firmly. In God. Who is sovereign. Who is in control. Who is capable.
And at that moment. When that. Becomes a reality for you. You actually can step back. You can follow. Flawed authority.
Because you know. That ultimately. You're in God's hand. You're a dearly loved child. That that attitude. And posture towards your husband.
Is called beautiful. And precious to him. And that he will guard you. And defend you. And work. In ways that you never can.
You get to step back. And pray. That God will wreck your husband. Lead him to repentance. Lead him to the cross. Change him.
Give wisdom. And you get to know. At all points. That that is what you're supposed to do. That you're following well. Because you actually.
Ultimately. Are submitting to Jesus. As you submit. And follow your husband. You're resting in faith. As you follow and trust.
And your ultimate trust. And your ultimate faith. And your ultimate belief. Gets to sit. Firmly. On Jesus.
Not on your husband. And in that way. You're freed up. To actually. Do what he just said. Which seems.
Very difficult. And very impossible. The band's going to come back up. We're going to sing. And some of you. Wives.
Are in. Tough situations. Friends. And you. You can see clearly. How it ought to work out.
You feel like. You know exactly. What needs to happen. Your husband doesn't deserve. To be followed. Or submitted to.
And the text never covers that. What it actually says is. That doesn't play. That doesn't come into play. Whether he deserves it or not. You get to know.
That your hope. And your trust. Is in a sovereign. Good. Generous. Capable.
Loving. Active. God. And the value of your husband. Doesn't come into play. Because your hope.
And your trust. Isn't in him in any way. And you're free. The weight. Of how your children turn out. The weight.
Of how your finances turn out. The weight. Of how. Decisions are made. You get to place your hope in God. You don't have to fix it.
You don't have to control it. You don't have to make it work out. You aren't in charge. Of how it ends. God has freely invited you. To have the cross.
Be the center of your marriage. And to trust. And to hope. In God. You've been invited into a very free. And very beautiful.
Way to have a relationship work. As God has designed it. Get to trust that he's trustworthy. And good. Some of you may need to repent. Of your.
Ability to find fault. And as you follow. And trust after God. You may need to work on. Becoming better at pointing out. Your husband's strengths.
And taking all the small fires. And feigning them into flame. But ultimately. In your relationship. You get to rest. Your husband's going to fail.
You're going to be bad at this. And Jesus is good. And his grace is sufficient. And he's in control. Of your relationship. And you get to trust him.
Hope in him. And in that way. Have a lot of joy. In your marriage. Father. We thank you.
We thank you. We thank you. That you have spoken. Into relationships. That you have. Offered us.
Wisdom. And grace. And we thank you. Lord. That. In all the difficult.
Situations. That wives get to sit. Firmly. In your hands. That marriages get to sit. Firmly.
On your shoulders. That you've given us. A way to. To function. With grace. And love.
Towards one another. And we ask. Lord. That you would bless. The marriages. In our church family.
That you would help. The single people. In our church family. To love. The married couples. To serve them well.
To point them. To the gospel. That you would lead us. All to repent. And fall. More in love.
With the cross. We thank you. Lord. For your grace. In Jesus name. Amen.
Amen.