American Marriage vs Biblical Marriage
Transcript
Well, good morning. Happy Valentine's Day. My name is Shet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are in Matthew chapter 19, so grab a Bible. We'll be in Matthew chapter 19 today.
If your Bible looks like this one, you'll be on page 534. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. That's our gift to you. We want everybody to have a Bible. We want everyone to read it. So we are in our fifth week of our Theology of Sex series, and we've just been walking through.
We spent the past couple of weeks talking about masculinity and femininity, what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, that God intentionally designed gender, and he intentionally designed the genders different from one another, distinct from one another, for his purposes, for his glory, for the flourishing of humankind. I said something about Valentine's Day coming up to someone this week, and people are all over the place when it comes to Valentine's Day. Some people get excited. One person I was talking to this week said, oh yeah, the holiday that the greeting card companies invented to sell candy.
And I was like, why? Why do the greeting card companies want to sell candy? Like, did they invent it to throw us off their tracks? Is that why it's about? Like, I was really confused, but there's just people in general have different things. So whether you're mad at Valentine's Day or excited or could not care less, happy Valentine's Day.
We're going to talk about marriage today. We're going to talk about what the Bible says about marriage, what marriage is, what it was designed to be. We're going to talk a little bit about our American approach to marriage and then the biblical approach to marriage. As we hop in this morning, I want to take a second and just address single people in the room who heard the word marriage and checked out. Let me help you out here and tell you a few reasons why you knowing what marriage is is actually very helpful for you. First of all, our culture believes some really dumb things about marriage, which means that it is highly likely that you believe some very dumb things about marriage.
Most of us do. Even married couples believe some very dumb things about marriage, but they'll probably pay attention. Single people, you're believing some dumb things. You need to listen to understand what the Bible says about marriage so you can rightly understand it. Secondly, Christianity is the first major belief system in history. I recently read an article where a Duke historian, anthropologist basically was looking back and said, Christianity is the first major belief system in history that says, stood up and said out loud to people, it is perfectly okay to be single for your entire life.
That is a perfectly good, healthy, normal, celebratable way to walk through life as a human. First belief system that ever said that. Our God that we serve when he came to earth in Jesus was a single man who never married, never had sex. We worship and follow him. Being single is perfectly okay, perfectly healthy, perfectly celebratable way to be a human. And as we talk today, you'll actually get to see why.
Why you have a leg to stand on and be able to say, no, I'm perfectly fine in my singleness. I don't need another human to step in and fix me or complete me, regardless of what that movie says. Bonus reason, you're a part of our church family. In our community groups, we exist in our community groups. That's how we walk through life as a church family. And we believe that church is a family.
So we don't break up our community groups by gender or age. We just all kind of get together. And so you're most likely, if you're in a community group and you're single, you're in a community group with other married couples. And our culture believes a lie. That is, if I have children, you can't tell, and you don't, you can't tell me anything about having children. And if I'm married and you aren't, you can't tell me anything about being married.
And the Bible disagrees with that because two of the guys that talk about marriage and children a lot had neither a wife nor children. But it isn't helpful for you to pop off with your own, here's what I think, based off of my own opinions, based off of nothing. So we want to all grow in what it means, what a marriage is, what it was designed to be, so that we can helpfully and in a healthy way point the other married people in our church family towards Jesus, understanding what marriage was designed to be. So by learning what marriage is and isn't, you actually get to help serve the other people in your church family and in your community group in a healthy way without just giving them what culture's been giving you.
So I'm going to pray and we're going to hop in. We'll be starting in verse 3 of Matthew 19. God, we thank you for your grace, for your love, for your active pursuit of our souls. We pray that today we would clearly see your love, your love for us, what love was meant to be, and how marriage was meant to exist and thrive and flourish and what it was designed to be, God. And so we just pray that you'd give us wisdom and clarity as we study this together today. In Jesus' name, amen.
All right, so we've read this a couple weeks ago. We're going to read it again. We were reading it for a specific purpose, and now we're going to actually kind of read it in its context. So Matthew 19, verse 3, and Pharisees, Pharisees were just a group of a religious sect inside of Judaism. So it would be kind of like saying, and Presbyterians or and Lutherans walked over.
Like that's how they would have understood it. It was a group that believed a certain thing inside of Judaism. So Pharisees came up to him, him as Jesus, and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? So I find this pretty interesting. They have a lot of questions like we have about marriage and divorce. They're coming over to him saying, okay, they're basically asking, how do you read this specific Old Testament passage, Deuteronomy 24?
Kind of how do you read it? What's your take on what Moses is saying there? He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife? Hold fast means be cemented to, sewn together. Hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? And he said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wife. So notice the difference there. They said, Why did Moses command us to? And he said, No, no, no.
Because of your hardness of heart, he allowed you to. And in Deuteronomy 24, they are basically lying. Moses does not command them to. What he says is, If a man divorces his wife and gives her a certificate of divorce, and then he steps in and tries to protect females, basically. He starts giving some guidelines for like, Okay, if y'all are going to keep doing this, let me help out here. So it's a little bit like, If you get shot, here's how to dress the wound.
And then the Pharisees are like, Then why did Moses tell us to shoot each other? It's like, He didn't. He just was stepping in and trying to be helpful there. It wasn't a command. So Jesus steps in and says, No, he allowed it because of your hardness of heart.
Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. So the way God designed it was not designed to be like that. And I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. So Jesus says, No, no, no.
Originally, God designed it, one man, one woman, to be married, to become one flesh, to be cemented together, and to stay together forever, and not to have any kind of man-made anything that tears that apart. Now, in our culture, we have high divorce rates. We have a lot of people who have been divorced, or been divorced and remarried, and so we understand that this is broken. The ideal isn't worked out the way God intended it. But what we're going to look at today as we walk through is what God intends for marriage, for the marriage covenant, for all of us as we view marriage, at where we sit today, whether we're single, married, remarried, divorced, we can all begin to say, Okay, this is actually what God intended for marriage, and this is how marriage ought to work.
Even though sin has stepped in and messed that up, we can begin to hold up the ideal and then strive for it. So, the disciples said to him, So Jesus says, Stay married. It was designed for you to be married and stay married, and not to have this torn apart. And the disciples said to him, If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. Which is really kind of mean, because some of the disciples had wives, and they're like, If we can't ever, like, send them away, you probably just shouldn't get married. Like, if marriage has to be forever, remember, that doesn't sound good.
And Jesus responds, which is kind of confusing, but when he finishes out his sentence, he said to them, Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. And basically, you don't have to get married. But if you get married, this is what marriage was designed to be. So the disciples and the Pharisees are basically having this discussion with Jesus about, Is a no-fault divorce a thing? Like, Can we, Can you get divorced? Can we just kind of, If it's not working out, and they're basically saying, Okay, But Jesus, What if like, What if I'm not happy anymore?
What if it's not good anymore? What if, What we originally intended isn't, Isn't working out anymore? What if, What if it's just not what we thought it would be? And Jesus' response is, God designed them to be married and to stay married. That's the way marriage is supposed to work. That we would hold fast.
That we would stay together. That's where, Ultimately, It works out and is good. And so what we see, Honestly, Is that the Pharisees and the disciples, So basically, This culture Jesus is talking into, Feels similar to the way We feel about marriage. So like, Our culture, When we talk about marriage, When we legalized gay marriage this year, Our culture is holding up, Basically, This definition for marriage. That marriage is a, Legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That's kind of our cultural definition of marriage.
It's a legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That it's good, As long as, There's romance, As long as there's feelings of love, And that it's good, As long as, We're mutually happy. I'm fulfilled, You're fulfilled, You're holding up your end of the bargain, I'm holding up my end of the bargain, We both are happy, Enjoying this. And that, Once one of those breaks down, Then it kind of doesn't matter anymore. You don't have to stay married, Because it's, For the expression of romance, For the purpose of happiness. And Jesus, In his answer, Basically is going to say, No, Those don't, There aren't qualifiers.
And so, Really, What we have, The way we approach marriage, Is kind of a consumeristic relationship. Um, So, I, I love Moe's, And I've had people try to talk me into, Loving Chipotle. They've tried to talk me into cheating on Moe's, Really, Is what they've tried to talk me into. Um, But I, I just, I, I can't do it. Like, I can't, I've been to, I've been to Chipotle, It's okay, I'll eat a burrito there every once in a while, But that's, It's, It's not, It's not for me. Like, They don't greet me when I walk in, They don't have queso, They don't give me chips, It costs more, It doesn't taste as good.
So, It's like, Why would I, Like, My relationship with Moe's is, I'm gonna give you money, You're gonna give me a burrito, And at the end of that, We're probably gonna be best friends. Like, This is how it works. And that's how a consumer relationship works, Is, I, I'm gonna do something, You're gonna do something, And then if it's mutually beneficial, We're good. That's a consumeristic relationship. That's why, Uh, Many of you are mad at Tom Warner, Uh, Cable, Twice a month. You paid your bill, Why is your internet's not working?
Yeah, That's the problem. Like, It's, I'm doing it. You're doing my side of stuff, Why aren't you doing your side of stuff? And if you quit paying your bill, Tom Warner will cut it off. Like, That's, That's how it works. It's, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part.
But honestly, We've just moved this into the realm of relationships, And said, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part, And as long as we're happy, And as long as we're feeling it, It's gonna be good. That's, That's our approach to relationships. And if I can find a better, So like, If they, If they make a Moe's 2.0, If Chipotle actually was better, I'd have left Moe's in the dirt, Wouldn't have cared. Just Chipotle hadn't done it. So like, Somebody else can, That's fine.
You got cheaper, More queso, You say hello better, I'm good, I'm in. And we approach relationships like that. I'm here as long as it's mutually beneficial, I'm here as long as I'm enjoying it, And if I can find something better, I'm out. We approach dating like that, And it just filters right into our approach to marriage. And the, The, Some of you, The truth is, We've also begun to lift up the idea of finding the one, Which adds into this. Because we have this idea of, You're gonna find your one, You're gonna find the soulmate, And once you do, Magic, Is gonna happen.
And you'll just be compatible forever, And you'll just feel it all the time, And so if you're, If you're with somebody, And you're not feeling it, And it's not magical, They're not the one. Let me help you out here. That idea, First comes up in what we, Historically what we can see is in Plato's Symposium, And what he's talking about is that there was a belief that Greek gods, When they originally created humans, All humans had two heads, Four arms, Four legs, And so the Greek God, I believe Zeus, Cut them all in half. And so now, From now on, All humans, Are running around on earth, Forever looking for their soulmate.
Because you originally had another person connected to you, That you were cut in half from. So, The problem though with myths, Is that they're myths. So, Whilst looking for your soulmate, Keep an eye out for unicorns and samsquanchus. Just be on the lookout, Because you're just as likely to find Bigfoot. They don't exist, You're not going to find a soulmate. Every wedding, I love being a part of weddings, I like getting to talk at a wedding.
It's kind of stressful, But I like getting to do it. And every wedding I've been a part of, I've said something along the lines of, Most recent one was Jack and Ashley, Part of our community group. We had it right here, On a Sunday in December. At some point, I usually say something along the lines of, This marriage, I have to hold my little book, And stand perfectly still in the middle. This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, Is going to be perfect, And would be completely set up for perfection, If it weren't for you, And if it weren't for you, The two of you are going to ruin it.
Like, Like something along those lines. And it's really fun, Because everybody sitting out there is like, What the heck is he talking about? Like, Dude, You don't know how to wedding, Like you're ruining it. But the truth is, This person is a sinner, And this person is a sinner. There are no soulmates. If you get married, You've married a sinner, And what you've said is, Here's all my sin, Want to share?
And they've said, Yeah, Here's all my sin, Want to share? And you're like, Yeah, Let's try to do life together. Like, That's really what it is. And so Jesus is going to step in and say, No, Like, It's designed to stay together regardless. Like, And our culture says, No, No, It's expression of romantic feelings, For the purpose of happiness. And honestly, If I'm real with y'all, 90% of mine and Anna's arguments, Have some form of, Hey, You're supposed to make me happy, And you're not doing that right now.
Somewhere in there, That's the baseline of the argument. Hey, You're designed, This is designed, You exist to make me happy, And either A, You're not effectively contributing to my happiness, Or B, You're standing in the way of it. You are actually making it harder for me to be happy. That's like 90% of our argument. There's another 5% that is, I haven't slept in a while, I want to fight about it, But, 90% is, You're not currently making me happy, You're not currently filling me up. And, Our, Our society, Loves long term relationships.
We believe in long term relationships. We celebrate long term relationships. You've watched the notebook, 17,000 times, Because it was this relationship, Where they grew old together, And it was magical. Like, We celebrate this, And we're terrible at them. And then, We kind of, As a culture, Have the audacity, To say, You know what? We're terrible at long term relationships, And it's not our approach, It's that we've outgrown long term relationships.
We're actually beyond this idea. Do you feel the arrogance in that? Like, You can taste it, And it tastes bad. Like, Our, Our approach to, No, We're just beyond this. And, And honestly, We know though, Our approach to relationships, And what love is, We know, That that's not what love is. It's Valentine's Day.
Come with me in this. Mentally, Just let's, Let's go on a journey together. It's this evening. You're with your significant other. You're at a nice restaurant. You know it's nice, Because you can't read the menu.
It's too dark. You're going to pay $30, For food that's all separated, And about this big on the plate. You had a living social deal. I know our church family. You aren't there just paying for it on your own. There's some candles, Some nice music.
It's also known as ambiance. You can feel it. You reach across the table, You grab their hands, Look into their eyes, And you say, Boo, I love you. This very moment, I love you. And I don't know about tomorrow, But I love you right now. And I'm going to be with you.
Unless something better comes along. Keep my options open. And I'm going to fight through everything, As long as I still feel happy inside. And if my happiness leaves, Well then, And a single tear just falls out of their face, Because that's the most beautiful thing, Anyone has ever said to them. No. This isn't going to happen, Because that's not what love says.
That's not what we know love to be. That's not how love works. It isn't. Love, As it naturally occurs in the wild, Love just blurts stuff out. Love just makes definitive statements, About what is going to be true and real, Because love is a real thing, That actually exists, And it goes way beyond, Our consumeristic approach to it. You want to know what love says?
This is what love says. I, Will always love you, That's what love says. That's why we gave Whitney Houston all the monies, When she sang that. We were like, Yes, Take money from my wallet, You are correct, That's what love is. That, Because that, That is love, That's it. I, Will always love you.
I, Me, All of me, Everything I have, I, Will, Purposefully, Dedicate, Decide, Work, Pursue it, Will, Always, Regardless, No matter what else happens, No matter what comes along, No matter what happens to you, What happens to me, Always, I, Will always love, With everything I have, Love, You, Singularly, You, No one else, To the exclusion of all others, You. We know, That's what love is. We know, That's what love just blurts out. It just runs out of your mouth. You just, It's, Well, There you go. Like, We, We just know.
We celebrate that. We know that love's supposed to conquer all. We know that love's supposed to last forever. And then we push it into this consumeristic relationship, And we're confused as to why it just breaks down. And so Jesus is actually being very helpful when he says, No, This is the way marriage was designed to work. So we're going to, We're going to look at some of the things that having this type of relationship, This covenant type of relationship that Jesus is talking about, Actually works on our behalf.
So, Verse 5, And said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, And hold fast, Be cemented to his wife, And the two shall become one flesh. So, They are no longer two, But one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, Let not man separate. So here's the definition that Jesus gives of marriage. That Jesus says, Now this is the way marriage was designed to work. That two are to become one flesh.
We were reading in Matthew 19 on that. Sorry, We'll go there in a minute. It's the same thing. He's quoting that. That two will become one flesh. They'll be cemented together, And then they'll actually become one.
They're no longer two separate entities. They're one. So when I'm fighting for my happiness, It doesn't make any sense anymore in marriage. Because our happiness trumps my happiness. Our health trumps my health. Our desires trumps my desires.
Because we're one. It's the same thing with salt. Salt is sodium chloride. When it becomes salt though, It's no longer sodium and chloride. It's salt. It's NA and CL together.
And it's bonded together. It's not them two working together. It's them. They've made a new thing. And in order to make them not salt, There's a lot of tearing and breaking and stuff That has to happen. And science has to get in there.
And I don't know any of how that works. But it's not good for salt. And that's what he's saying about marriage. We were designed to be one and to stay one. That it's something. A new entity has been formed in marriage.
And we're not supposed to break it apart. And consumeristic relationships are basically saying, What I'm receiving from this relationship Is more important than the relationship. And a covenant relationship says, The relationship is more important than what I receive. That I'm actually designed to give, not receive, Regardless of how this works out. So, there are two major things that happen When we actually step into a covenantal relationship. Two things that covenantal relationship provide for us.
They set up a guard around what love is designed to be. The first one is, We have deeper, A deeper bond growth. We have a deeper bond When we enter into A covenant relationship. The only real covenant relationship That we still have, Kind of in our culture, Is the relationship between parents and children. We understand that one The way we ought to understand a covenant. It shows up every time, Whenever you see a parent That just disowns their children, Abandons their children.
The way we react to that, Because we know that's not how it's supposed to work. When a dad just says he's going to get cigarettes And never shows back up, Like we know that's not how it's supposed to work. Parenting relationships are, I give and I give and I give and I give and I give. And I know that that's, You're never going to pay me back on this. And regardless of how you act, You're never, Like it's not going to, I'm not even going to get my return, Other than seeing you grow and be healthy. Like that's the return I get.
You're not going to pay me back In how much you give to me. And through that, Through giving and giving and giving and giving, I'm actually going to love you more And have a deeper relationship with you Than I ever would have In a consumeristic relationship. That's the way a covenant is supposed to work. That I give and give and give Regardless of what comes back. That's what he's saying marriage ought to be. And we know that to be true.
We know that marriage is designed, Relationships and love are designed, For us to just grow old together. For us to just be together For as long as we can live. Like we know that that's true. We want that. Like one of mine and Anna's goals Is to be really old And creep our grandchildren out. Like I want to be known as Hansy.
Like I'm going for that. When we're old. Like I want to be so in love That it... And just be like... Like we just know this. They recently took a couple And they did like an aging thing.
They had makeup artists To make them older And they made them... They were like about to get married in a month And then they made them Look 30 years older and 40 years older All the way up to where they were 90. And they're looking at each other old And they're just... They start crying Because it's just this. This is what we want. I can't help but imagine All the life that we would have had together And all the things we know.
We want to be 85. If we've gotten married We want to be 85 with our spouse And they have changed in a thousand ways. They have changed so much. Their attitudes, their beliefs, The way they respond to stuff They've changed so much. And we've changed And we still love each other And we love each other in new ways. We love each other more Because of all the changes.
Like we know that's what love is supposed to be But if we're in a consumeristic relationship It doesn't happen. It only happens inside of a covenant Where no matter what We stick with it. We continue to give No matter how it works out. That's the I will always love you. Regardless of what happens. That's the covenantal The way it's supposed to work.
The second thing that it gives us is security. The second thing that marriage covenant provides for us When we exist in a I'm going to give and give and give And regardless of how this works out I'm in. It gives us security. You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there.
You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there. But another reason is That when the couple stands up in front of everybody And says I'm with you for richer or poorer In sickness and in health Until death do us part Like I'm in No matter how this goes If they mean it That's beautiful They really mean that If that's actually how that's going to work That's beautiful That this The bottom can fall out on this thing And I'm not going anywhere This can go really badly We can be really sick Or really poor Have nothing together
But I'm in There's a security inside of a covenant That just isn't provided In a consumeristic relationship In a consumeristic relationship You have to keep marketing yourself Not only to the person you're with But to other people Because you still have other options out there You may not need to This may not keep going Or you have to keep making sure That they're happy You've got to keep doing all this stuff To try to keep the relationship going And there's just It doesn't work That's honestly why When our culture steps up And says Okay What we ought to do Is Live with
With our significant other Prior to getting married That we ought to You ought to cohabitate Prior to getting married To kind of kick the tires It's like giving it a test drive To see if this is going to be a good idea The reason that actually doesn't work Is because You're practicing A consumeristic relationship To prepare for a covenantal one And there is no preparation For a covenantal relationship You're either in the covenant Or you're not You're either all in Or you're all out There's no practicing for it So stepping into A let's live together situation Where we might stay Might not stay
Actually doesn't help you prepare For a covenant And It just doesn't work that way And so you may be saying Okay hold on a second I'm not even going to say That cohabitation Helps you prepare for covenanting Cohabitation is basically Divorce practice Before getting married That's really what it is It just doesn't work Because it doesn't translate To what you're going for in marriage But you may say Okay hold on a second Bible boy I'm not saying That It's good practice for marriage I'm saying it's better than marriage We should just throw out marriage
And you can just live with whoever And then If that doesn't work Fine If it does work Great Like that's what I'm actually I'm going to make that argument The problem with that argument Is that that's not true either Facts don't back you up So there was a bipartisan study That was done And basically Let me just give you Some of these statistics Annual rates of depression Among couples living together Are more than three times What they are among married couples Cohabitating couples Report lower Lower levels of happiness Lower levels of sexual satisfaction
Than married couples Women living with their partner Are more likely to suffer Physical abuse And sexual abuse Than married women And children living With cohabitating parents Are eight times more likely To suffer abuse Than those living in homes With married parents So if you believe Cohabitating relationships Are better It's just not backed up There's no Biblically it's not going to say that And it's just not Science isn't going to say that It's actually worse for society And women And children And honestly
Just as a church family We should just begin to reject this As an okay thing We should We should just all In a gracious way Just not be cool With cohabitation Because it's actually just worse Even just based on math It's kind of like this My wife and I Have a We got a thing To go to the zoo All the time A zoo pass Or whatever It's like a year long thing So we get to go to the zoo Everyone's well I like the zoo I always get a little bit Bummed out
When I'm at the zoo Because You're looking like Especially at the lions They make me the saddest So I look at the lions There's this big male lion And this female lion And I just I know too much about lions I don't know much about lions But I know too much To just be able to really enjoy this Because lions are supposed to be in a pack There's only two of them So it's like Alright y'all missing some friends And In the wild They get to run all over the place They get to just tackle and eat stuff Sometimes they do that Just for the heck of it Because they're big and can
If you watch those nature shows They're just killing stuff all the time They don't get to kill anything at the zoo And when they do it's bad They like put them down Like It's just basically like Here's some food And the lion's like This is lame And they can't even run Like the enclosure isn't even big enough For them to get up to a full sprint And so it's like Here's a lion And it's like I kinda It used to be a lion And now it's not really able to function The way a lion's supposed to function That's wholly different From like a wildlife preserve Wildlife preserve is Here's a lion
And there's a bunch of stuff That can come in and harm this Let's build some fences and protect it Let's keep the dentists out of here Like that's what a lion A wildlife preserve is Like there's things that can harm this lion Let's build some things And so this lion Gets to be a lion Gets to fully exist in its lionness We've just put up some walls To help protect it The way love exists in the wild The way love just Blurts things out The way love is Just where it is Love conquers all Love never fades I will always love you When we put it in a consumeristic relationship We've taken love And put it in a zoo
It actually isn't going to be able to work And function And exist the way it was designed to But when we move love Into a covenantal relationship That's why That's why when he says This is what marriage was supposed to be It's because it's actually what works To foster love And to help love flourish And exist the way we know That it was designed to Genesis 2 It'll be up on the screen We'll look at it together So this is the passage that Jesus quotes Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother And hold fast to his wife And they shall become one flesh And the man and his wife were both naked And were not ashamed Here's what a beautiful thing about covenants There's no shame
In a covenant Covenant actually steps in And takes the worst thing And makes it the most beautiful The thing that We know that love is supposed to be You love me for me You love me for who I am I'm fully known and fully loved We know that's the way love is supposed to exist But in a consumeristic relationship We have to keep propping ourselves up Making ourselves look better That's not the way a covenant is designed to work There's a quote from the movie Meet Joe Black He was talking to one of the older men in the movie And he said The great thing about being married was She knows the worst thing about me And it's okay And that's what a covenant does In a relationship There's always deal breakers
There's always stuff that steps in And makes Makes it It's not going to work anymore This is a deal breaker We can't get past this And what a covenant does Is it steps in and makes that thing The most beautiful thing about your relationship Because it turns it on its head It becomes the thing where you've given the most love The most grace It's exactly what a covenant was meant to do To take the worst part of us To be fully known and fully loved And still stay together It redeems the most broken part of us We say that love conquers all And it should And in a covenant It gets to We get to work past The worst part And give grace and love there
That's actually where we get to show More love We're not In a covenant We're not bound by our feelings Or our happiness We're free We're free to give And we exist in this secure relationship Where even the worst parts Become the most beautiful And that's straight Out of how Jesus loves the church Let's go to Ephesians 5 We read this last week You can go ahead and flip there We'll be on page 635 We'll also show it on the screen This is talking to two married couples But then it ends in a very interesting way Husbands Love your wives As Christ Loved the church
And gave himself up for her So Christ is Jesus And the church is all those who believe in him That he might sanctify her Having cleansed her By the washing of water with the word So that he might present the church To himself in splendor Without spot or wrinkle Or any such thing That she might be holy And without blemish And in the same way Husbands should love their wives As their own bodies He who loves his wife Loves himself When we talk about love As just an emotion That makes that sentence really confusing When we talk about love As just a romantic feeling And Paul says Love your wife
The way that you love your own body It's like Well that just got weird Like No Love is actually way deeper And way more Than how I feel at this moment It's an active choice For no one hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it Just as Christ does the church Because we are members of his body Therefore So now he's quoting Genesis 2 So it's what we read in Genesis 2 It's what Jesus quotes Paul's going to quote it here And he says Therefore a man shall leave his father And his mother And hold fast to his wife And the two shall become one flesh
This mystery is profound And I am saying That it refers to Christ And the church So Paul's going to say That way back in Genesis 2 God had in mind Christ's covenant love For the church Prior to ever creating marriage That one of the reasons Marriage is beautiful Is because it images Christ's love for the church The way Jesus is going to love the church When he pursues the church And goes to the cross for the church To rescue the church And to absolutely just give And give and give On behalf of the church So the church can actually have A healthy loving relationship That that's
The love That we're supposed to have The covenant relationship We're supposed to have in a marriage Is actually just a small picture Of the way that Christ loves the church Of the way that Jesus Laid his life down For the church To rescue the church And that's beautiful Because the church Those who place faith in Jesus Brought nothing to the table Except for our sin and brokenness And Jesus took the worst thing The deal breaker All the mess that we had Everything that should have Excluded us from his love And he makes it the most beautiful Because that's where he steps in And redeems And he puts us in a relationship
That we can't lose the relationship We can't get out of it Because it's based off of Jesus Pursuing us forever The cross is Jesus Definitively declaring I will always love you That's why marriage Gets to be beautiful Because it's a small picture Of what the gospel is And that's why Since marriage is about the gospel We actually can be in a covenant When we're terrible at them There's nothing in our heart That helps us do covenants Our hearts are broken and off And we're really good At consumeristic relationships Because I get to bounce out of those But covenants we're terrible at But when we see how Jesus loved us And pursued us
And continued to chase after us Even when we were broken We get to stay in a covenant And our marriage gets to be beautiful It's the same reason That you can be perfectly single Your entire life Because your fullness Isn't going to come From some other person It comes from Jesus Your health and joy And happiness Doesn't come from another human You're never going to find it in them You'll crush them if you try to It only comes from Jesus Francis Chan says That the way this works Is like If we go scuba diving And we only have one oxygen tank That's a consumeristic relationship One of us is breathing
The other person's hurting One of us is getting life The other person's losing it But that's a consumeristic relationship Either I'm winning I'm getting life Or you're winning You're getting life But there's no way for us both To be built up There's no freedom We're dependent on one another We need to suck from one another To get life To keep this thing going And that Jesus Being our primary relationship Gives us both oxygen tanks And then we're free Scuba diving with two oxygen tanks Gets to be a lot of fun Because you don't have to steal From the other person To be okay
What's beautiful about Jesus Being the primary relationship The covenant being The primary relationship Is that my wife Just gets to be married To a sinner Who isn't going to fix her Or complete her Or make her happy All the time It's not going to happen I'm not going to cure her loneliness All of that's found in Jesus And if it's all found in Jesus She can just be married To a guy who messes up terribly a lot And still be okay Single people You're not going to find a person Who's going to fill you up Make you happy Complete you Just cure your loneliness
It's not going to happen Only Jesus is going to do that It's the only way that works That marriage is first and foremost A picture of the gospel I want to close on Telling you a story That I think helps us see The beauty of Jesus' love for us And what a covenant Gets to look like What it was designed to be There was a A guy named Robertson McQuilkin McQuilkin We'll just call him Robertson Because I can't say his last name He was the He was in ministry A good bit in his life He met a lady named Muriel Asked her to marry him On Valentine's Day
She said yes They got married in August They had a great relationship Loved one another Enjoyed one another They even were They were missionaries Overseas for a while They were doing ministry together About 30 years into their marriage They were out to eat And hanging out with some friends And Muriel tells a story And they all kind of laughed About three minutes later She starts telling the exact same story And so they were like Um What You know you just told that right And she She didn't She didn't remember That she had just told that
And she was like Oh no Sorry I must have just spaced out And they were like Oh okay You know And they just They moved on But over the next several months She began to do this more often To the point that They went to a doctor And she had early onset Alzheimer's And so At first this was okay I mean they were just trying To work around it She would She would forget She It began to Affect her speech
She couldn't kind of Find the words That she wanted to use And so she had to Kind of step back From ministry But they were still Still Everything was going well I mean you know She just was Continually kind of Degrading mentally And Um Then it got to the point Where she was only Comfortable Around Her husband Robertson The only person She would be okay with The only person She'd be happy with
When he wasn't around She'd get really scared She just kind of Was confused Didn't know what was going on And she was only Comfortable around him And so he was actually The president of CIU Had been the president Of CIU For Years And he stepped down In his speech He actually said It was one of the easiest Decisions he ever made Um Because his wife Needed him And so He stepped down Quit doing ministry
Realized he just Needed to be full time Taking care of her And so he did At first this was okay They could travel some But then that That got Untenable Because they would go To other Other places And she would just Forget who she was And where she was And she would get lost And at one point He even had to call The police To help try to find her So they quit traveling And then it became They could kind of Grocery shop together
And that was one of the Things they did together But then that even Kind of broke down Because she would Start putting a bunch Of stuff in other People's carts And then just take The cart and walk off And so they had to Just kind of quit everything They just were homebound And he says She was fairly easy To take care of She was pleasant And they just kind of But she began to forget How to take care of herself So she He had to start Feeding her And changing her
And he would take her And get her hair cut And he started realizing That the way her hair looked After getting her hair cut Wasn't the way it used to And so he called Some of her friends And said You know What kind of shampoo Am I supposed to use After haircuts Because he wanted to Keep her hair the way She would have wanted it Even though she didn't know She didn't know anymore You know What she looked like And any of those kind of things But he just wanted to keep Taking care of her About this point
He read an article That was like A Dear Abby Kind of letter Right in a vice column And basically The article said I'm in a marriage But my wife Is no longer Meeting my needs What do I do? And the vice columnist Wrote back And basically said You're going to have to leave Like it's just It's just going to be over Like your relationship If they're not meeting your needs You really don't have any choice And he says He remembers reading that And just going
I'm so glad That my needs are met in Jesus So that I can just love my wife So I can just serve my wife And I don't have to take from her I don't need her to fulfill me And so it just kind of keeps going Eventually got to There's a story There was a guy over at his house At one point And his wife Really at this point Was mostly just in bed And he was having to do Pretty much everything for her And she'd even gotten Kind of confused As to what was happening And so there were times Where she would kind of Fight with him a little bit Because she just didn't know What was happening
When he was trying to feed her And change her His friend was over They were talking And he heard Muriel was awake And then he went into her room And he came walking back out And he was smiling And he went and got this little flag And he walked out To his front porch And he stuck a flag In a little flag holder And walked back inside And this friend The person visiting with him Said what was that about And he said well Muriel doesn't remember Who anyone is anymore Doesn't even remember Who I am And
But sometimes in the morning She smiles at me She smiles like she recognizes me And whenever she does that I want to be able to celebrate And I want my friends And neighbors to be able to celebrate So whenever she smiles I just go put a flag On the front porch Because today is a good day My wife remembers me He says in the last four years Of her life There were no more Smiling days But that was fun He even At the point When she started Forgetting who he was He had Some friends come to him And say hey
You've done a beautiful thing With Muriel But that's not her anymore She doesn't know who you are That's not your wife anymore It's not the same Muriel You can be done You can be done with this And his response was no Jesus doesn't give up on me I don't return his love The way I ought to He just pours love out on me I don't exist in a relationship With Jesus the way I'm designed to But he pursues me And never stops And he took care of Muriel For 25 years Before she passed away And he's written some books And some articles And he says that it's one of the He wouldn't trade it for anything
And not just because She was lovable And he wanted to Take care of her But that it was the best picture He ever had Of how Jesus loved him That Jesus absolutely pursues us Regardless That he loves us Regardless of what we bring To the table And that's what marriage Is designed to be It's designed to be This covenant That is so overwhelmed By the grace And the love of Jesus That we're perfectly free To continue to pour out And to give And to give And to give
Whether we're receiving or not And we're perfectly safe Where everything That would be a deal breaker Everything that would make Our relationship terminal Gets to be the most beautiful part of it Just like our relationship With Jesus God I pray I pray that we would be Filled up By you That we would be So overwhelmed By your love And your grace for us That we actually Would be able to To love our spouses well To be single well Knowing that completion And fullness come from you I pray Lord
That you'd help us to exist And Okay so We're going to take Just a little bit of time To answer some of the questions That you guys have had Throughout this series I appreciate You guys actually Sending in questions Taking the time To really wrestle with What does the Bible say About gender About marriage About sexuality It's actually been really good For us to wrestle with Some of the questions That you've sent in We've actually already answered With some of the sermons So if you've missed a Sunday
I would encourage you To go back and listen through And catch up And some of the things That you've asked Will be addressed In the weeks to come But just wanted to take A little bit of time And go ahead And answer Some of the questions Today So I'm going to kind of Walk us through our questions And we'll do our best To answer them So let's start with Question number one What are good principles For biblical dating Biblical Not Like I've heard your stories
So let's do biblical Yeah not Chet's Dating advice First of all Dating is a little bit Foreign to the Bible Because that's not really How they did stuff So there isn't like A chapter We're not going to be like Oh read Ephesians 2 That's the dating chapter It's not really there Here Some of the things That you need to just Understand Kind of fundamentally To help in Biblical dating One is Marriage is a covenant So the purpose
Of dating Is for marriage That's the The place that God has designed For romance And sexuality To play out Is in the relationship Of a man and a woman In a covenantal marriage So realize that Dating is To prepare for that Look for that Pursue that And not anything else So it isn't just for Fun While it should be It's not That's not the goal And since the last Two weeks
Since we've talked About masculinity And femininity Specifically within A marriage Those things apply But we all have Human relationships And so the things That men specifically Are called to Like cultivate Provide Protect And the things That women are called To Start working on Those now Regardless of Whatever that Relationship looks like So all of those Things still apply
To as well Within that Relationship Alright cool Let's do another one Why was it okay For bible figures To have multiple Wives but not Now Okay so That In the old testament There's a lot of Guys that have Multiple wives One of the reasons That question comes Out that way Is our assumption Is that whatever Is said in the bible Is some sort of a You should do this
Here's a command Here's a command To do and not to do The bible isn't Just that It's actually a lot Of stories Of a history Of a people And there are Commands And things Where it says Do this Don't do that This though Comes out of It's never a command To do it There aren't any Direct prohibition Against it Other than What we just
Looked at today Where marriage Was designed To be between One man One woman They were to Become one flesh And stay that way And if you Read through The old testament There is never One example Of polygamy That is held up As a good idea They all Go very poorly So a little bit Of when people Say well the People used to Have multiple
Lives in the Old testament They never Said it was Bad It's like if You watched Schindler's list Or remember The titans Depending on Age group here And what you've Seen and what You remember And at the End you said Why didn't Somebody come Out at the End of the Credits and Say hey Racism is
Bad Like why Didn't someone Tell me That It's like Dude the Story told You that Like you Saw it You saw That this Was a Terrible Idea So we See that God Designed it To be One way We see A bunch
Of people Carry it Out another Way And all Of those Are bad Like it Never works Out well It's never Like oh This polygamy Relationship Is great So and Then in the New testament There are Specific places A couple Different places Where it's Like this
Isn't okay And we see Where Jesus Steps back In in Matthew 19 And says No no no This is what It was designed To be So those Are really Just stories There's a lot Of really Messed up People Then the Question becomes Well why Does God Bless them If they're
Doing bad Stuff And the Answer to That is Who would He bless If he Can't bless Sinners Like if he Can't step In and work On behalf Of sinners You just Want him to Kill all Of us Right now And I Would vote No Let's not
Have him Do that Let's have Him work On our Behalf Even though We're Messed up And so All right Good next Question Why would Homosexuality Still be a Sin when Other old Testament Laws No longer Apply Okay so That is
Specifically Addressing In the old Testament Laws Leviticus Deuteronomy Leviticus 20 Specifically It says that Homosexuality Is a sin And then there Are other Old testament Laws like Don't cut The corners Of your hair Don't eat Shellfish Don't eat Pork And it's
Like okay I'm eating Pork Why are you Still holding Up this Other Why are you Eating bacon And telling me That homosexuality Is a sin First of all The old testament Law is broken Up into a Couple of Different Kind of Categories Ceremonial Law Moral Law
Civil Law So they Were a Nation So they Had civil Laws Like here's What to Do if Your bull Kills Another Bull Like the Way we Have road Laws And stuff And if You go to Australia And you
Ride on The same Side of The street That we Do you're In trouble Over there But over Here Does that Make sense Okay so Like there's Some civil Laws We're not In the Nation of Israel Anymore There are Some ceremonial Laws
That had to Do with The temple And cleanliness And then There are Moral laws And the Moral laws Are the Ones That we More Carry over Which is Like don't Date your Sister Like we Bring those Along with Us The other Short
Short answer To this Question is That the New testament Still says That homosexuality Is a Sin Now That's the Short answer To answer That question Homosexuality Is still A sin In the New testament And most Of the Moral laws Are still Going to
Carry over From the Old testament That's not A very Helpful Complete answer So let me Say a few Other things To be a Little more Helpful here One is As I Answer this Question And try to Answer it A little bit More fully If this Is something You actually
Legitimately Have a Question about Or struggle With I'd love To grab Coffee With you And have A conversation That it's Not going To be Answered Most helpfully Like this Second is Two weeks From now That's what Our sermon Is going To be
Mostly About Is how In Christianity Do we View this And approach This In a Healthy Biblical Way So I would Encourage you To be Back Two weeks From now Let me Say a Few more Things One is
Homosexuality Is listed In the Bible As a Sin Along With Other Sins It Also In the Bible Is treated As action So to Say men Who practice Homosexuality Not as Personhood Identity Orientation
Like it's Not addressed That way In the Bible Meaning That we Hold up Our sexuality As who We are In our Culture Because we Have begun To elevate Sexuality To a Place it Doesn't Deserve To be We believe That sex
Is ultimate That romance Is ultimate And so When we Do that We begin To say If I Feel a Sexual Feeling That Identifies Me We talked About this A couple Of weeks Ago So when We say Homosexuality Is a
Sin It actually Turns Into A personal Attack Whereas the Bible Is not Approaching It as A personal Attack Because the Bible Is approaching It as No It's not Orientation It's the Action That is a Sin
So when We act On So it's The same It'll be Enlist With perjurers And liars And the greedy And all this Kind of stuff And we'll spend Some time Looking at That next Week So it's Addressed As a Sin Action And is The same
As other Sins Is not Elevated As one More special Or deserving More of Aggression Or anything Like that It is a Sin Like other Sins And if Someone Struggles With that In our Church Family Or if You're here
And you Struggle With that Join the Club of Sinners Who trust In Jesus That's That's Who's here Yeah And that's Good I think Our last Question Has something To do With that How should Christians Interact With the
LGBTQ Community I'll answer That one Like Jesus Like Jesus Jesus Spent his Time With Types of People From all Kinds of Different Backgrounds Different Belief Systems All kinds Of Different Things And Jesus
Was loving And he Was Welcoming And he Was hospitable He went Out of His way To build Relationships And so If your Relationship With someone Who would Identify in This community Is just Based off Of their Sexual Preference Or orientation
I would Challenge you To grab A cup Of coffee And get To know That person On a More Deeper Level The church Should be A place Where we Welcome People Of all Different Backgrounds Where we Can lovingly Engage
With what Does the Bible Say How does The gospel Impact our Lives Specifically When it Comes to Areas Of sin And how Is Jesus Better than Those things And really That question Could be How should Christians Interact With our
Friends Who sleep Around How should Christians Interact With my Friend Who steals All the Time Like it It's Just a The Bible Is going to Treat that Homosexuality As a Sin Not as Any kind Of special Identifying
Marker That makes You a Certain type Of person But actually We just The same Way you Would love And be Gracious Towards Everybody Else So we're Planning to Do Q&A On the Last Sunday Of this Series as Well so If maybe
Some of Our questions Have sparked Other questions You can turn Those into The give Box or you Can do it Through facebook Twitter you can Do it online There's a ton There's a ton Of different Ways you Can do it That's Can do it I believe You can Rak
Do you even know how to sports, bro?
We all know the stereotype: the sports-loving, beer-drinking, thick-skinned man. But what about the rest of us? In a world where men are judged on whether or not they can throw a perfect spiral, what is masculinity actually about? What if being a man has little to do with how often you go hunting?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We are in week three of our Theology of Sex series. So we've been taking a look at kind of our culture and how we approach sex and how we think about sex and trying to really develop a theological basis for how we approach gender and sexuality and masculinity and femininity. And so our first week, we basically just said we were designed by God, created in the image of God, to worship God. And that human flourishing comes from our worship of God, but that we removed God from the place of creator and began to worship created things. And that since humans were made in the image of God, we're the easiest thing to swap out for God.
So we're most likely to believe that a relationship, that friendship, that another human will fill us up, make us complete, give us purpose. And that ultimately, that is where we have begun to place sexuality and romance in the place of God, and it's begun to wreak havoc on our culture. We wanted to then jump in and say, okay, here's what biblical masculinity is, and here's what biblical femininity is. Here's what God's design for women is. Here's what God's design for men is. But we couldn't because in our culture, there's even just a discussion about, is that really a thing?
Are there just women and men? Is it not on a sliding scale? Can't we just kind of choose or pick? Isn't there some form of? And so we had to just take time last week to discuss gender and to talk about the fact that God has created us male and female in his image. And there are two primary genders that are male and female, and we were designed by God to image him as male and female, and that ultimately, because we were made in the image of God, we were designed to get our worth and value from God, get our purpose from God.
And so once we'd begun to put romance and sex in the place of God, we then started using sex and romance to give us our purpose. And that's why we come alongside people. And as soon as they have a sexual urge or a romantic desire, we just come alongside of them and say, yeah, that's who you are. Because we've placed romance and sex in the place of God where we were designed to get our identity, and so we've begun to draw our identity from that. And so we spent some time looking at that last week. Today we are going to talk about masculinity, what it means to be a man.
Today, as God has designed it, if there are male and female and he intentionally designed us differently, then what does it mean to be a man? So jump to Genesis chapter 1. We're going to read something we've read several times. This is going to be Genesis chapter 1. It's on page 1. If your Bible looks like this, probably on page 1, no matter what your Bible looks like, because it's right at the beginning.
So Genesis chapter 1, go to verse 27. We're going to look at Genesis chapter 1, 27 and 28. So it says, God created man in his own image. That means mankind. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them.
So we've read this several times. It says God creating man and woman. He makes them in his image. And then it says 28. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply.
Fill the earth and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. So God makes male and female in his image. And he says, It's your job to have dominion over the earth. And he makes them separate. So that there's a way that men are designed to carry out this call.
And there's a way that women are designed to carry out this call. But the calling has been given to both. To work together. To subdue and have dominion over the earth. And so what we're going to look at this week. Is what's the specific way men are designed to carry that out.
What are the core elements or pillars to masculinity. And next week we're going to look at what are the core elements or pillars to femininity. So. This is a vital question for us. I actually have become recently more interested in this question. Of what does it take to be a man?
What makes a man a man? Because I have a 10 month old son. He is male. But he is not a man. His primary disposition at this point is he just takes. He consumes.
He doesn't bring anything to the table. He's not carrying his weight. He doesn't weigh much. But he's not carrying his weight. Like he doesn't. He's not.
He's not doing anything. The best thing he has done so far is dance. And we've posted that. That's pretty much all we've gotten out of him. He doesn't do much. But it's my job and my wife's Job to raise him to be a man.
As he's growing up to tell him. No this is. This is what men do. Boys do that. This is what men do. This is what you're designed to be by God.
And so it's helpful for us to begin to get some vocabulary here. And our culture is all over the place. So we don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. Boom you're a man. We don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. We take all the boys.
And they have to climb a mountain. And if they make it back. They get to be a man. We don't have any kind of set. I'm a man now. You can walk up to guys that are 30 in our culture.
And say hey are you a man. And that actually has become a difficult question. I mean yeah. I mean what do you think. Like I. Sure.
I guess. Probably. How are we defining it. Male. Uh huh. Like it's just become more of a.
But if you walked up to your granddad. When he was 30. And said are you a man. That's a very silly question. Of course I am. Now get out of my face weirdo.
Like. Might would even just be a little bit offended. Like we. We've lost some of our. Definition. And in that void.
We've begun to add a whole bunch of things. So. What does it take to be a man. Are we going for. For James Bond. Like you need to drive nice cars.
Dress well. Be able to choke a guy out. In the bottom of a stairwell. Like what. What does it take to be a man. Do you have to.
Do you have to be intelligent. And know economics. And be able to run a company. Be able to. To. To quote.
Old dead guys. Who are smart. Do you. Is it just. The ability to grow a beard. And punch things.
Like is that. Our definition of man. Like if you can clean a fish. And a gun. You got it. Like really.
Is it just. Can I quote Chaucer. Or. Or should. Can I just. Is it.
Does back hair suffice. Like what's the category. I just need a high testosterone level. Like is that all we're going for. Maybe if I'm just always aggressive. Can I do that.
Like is that masculinity. And so we've begun to. To kind of. Lose. Our ability. So is it just sports.
Or is it sports knowledge. Athleticism. Is it. Something altogether different. And so. This is a.
Vital question. For our culture though. Because nobody. Is arguing. With any amount of data. People may be arguing this.
But with any amount of helpful data. Nobody's arguing. That the world is better. Where men are lacking. You can't make that argument. Psychologically.
You can't make it sociologically. You can't make it economically. You can't make it spiritually. The world was designed to have men. And where men are lacking. Things crumble.
You look at the places. With the highest poverty rates. The highest crime rates. What you'll find. Is a. Very vast amount.
Of fatherlessness. You'll find a giant void. Where dads haven't been dads. And they haven't shown. Boys how to be men. And other people in gangs.
And different things. Have come along. And said. This is what it takes to be a man. And begun to fill that void. We've got major problems.
In our. In our city right here. Where we've got. High amounts. Of. Single mothers.
That's a man problem. In our state. Which is. Top in the nation. In criminal domestic violence. That's a man problem.
Across the world. The most amount of. Rape culture. And heinous crimes. And violence. Are perpetrated by boys.
From the age of 20 to 60. And we need to have. A working. Functional. Healthy definition. Of what it takes to be a man.
So that we. Together as a church. Can begin to spot it. Can begin to encourage it. Can begin to point it out. Can walk up next to someone.
And say. Yes. That's man stuff right there. Keep doing that. That's great. And you can look at other people.
And say. That's boy stuff. Do what this guy was doing. Like we. We need to begin to have a language. So that we can raise sons.
To be men. So that we can grow together. As brothers in Christ. And be men. And. So.
Quick caveat. Before we hop in. Wives. If you're a wife in the room. And your husband is here. If you're a wife in the room.
And your husband is not here. Let me say this. Where the ideal. Is lacking. If you're. A single mother.
If you. Have a husband. But he has. Rejected this call. Where the ideal is lacking. Grace abounds.
So God has designed it. To be a certain way. But where the ideal is lacking. He steps in. He works on our behalf. And grace.
Abounds. So don't. Don't hear me say you are wrong. But you. Along with everybody else. Want men to be men.
So let's encourage that. Wives that are here. If your husband is here. A few quick things for you. Or if your husband's not here. A few quick things for you.
Listen. So that you can begin to spot this. And encourage it in your husband. Encourage it. Not angrily demand it. To spot it.
And encourage it. To be able to say. That's it. That's. That's. That's wonderful.
That's what you should be doing. You can begin to. Graciously expect it. Don't. Try to be the Holy Spirit. If we talk about something.
That your husband's not very good at. Just eyes up here. The Hulk just lock in. Don't do this. It's not going to help. Don't do this.
The subtle elbow thing. Don't. Don't do that. It's not going to help. It's. It's.
It's not productive. So just. Eyes up here. You stay focused. Let. Let the Holy Spirit do his job.
Single. Women. If you are. You're not. You don't have to get married. You don't.
That's not God's design for everybody. Perfectly fine and full way. To. To love Jesus and not be married. If you are dating and desire to be married. One of our goals.
Whenever we talk about masculinity. Is that some relationships. Would just fall all apart. The best way for some single females in this room. Is to. To leave here.
And break up with your boyfriend. That's the best way. For you to apply this sermon. To. To begin to expect. The person you're dating.
To actually be a man. And to not put up with childishness. And. And extended boyhood. Because it's not cute. Dating a boy who can shave.
Is not a good idea. Okay. Cool. Go break up with your boyfriend. Follow Jesus. He's better.
All right. I'm going to. I'm going to pray. And then we're going to hop in. And start reading some stuff from Genesis 2. Okay.
God. God. I pray that by your grace. Our. Church. Would be home to men.
Our church would be a place. Where the biologically male. Can by your grace. Be men. That we can. Challenge other men.
To be men. And to follow after you. And that we can get rid of some of the unhelpful stereotypes. And begin to actually place. Our understanding of masculinity. Firmly in what you say it is.
We love you. In Jesus name. Amen. All right. So the good news is.
God gives us some helpful. Handles on what masculinity is. So we're going to be in Genesis chapter 2. Now. We just read in Genesis 1. God makes male and female.
We're now going back. We're going ahead in the story to Genesis 2. But it's actually. Further back in time. This is. Retelling the story in a more colorful way.
This is prior to the existence of Eve. So we're going to start in verse 5. It'll be on page 2. If you're in this Bible. Probably somewhere close. In any other Bible.
Verse 5. Verse 6. When no bush of the field. Was yet in the land. And no small plant of the field. Had yet sprung up.
For the Lord God. Had not caused it to rain on the land. And there was no man. To work the ground. And a mist was going up from the land. It was watering the whole face of the ground.
Then the Lord God. Formed the man. Of dust. From the ground. And breathed into his nostrils. The breath of life.
And the man. Became a living creature. And the Lord God. Planted a garden. In Eden. In the east.
And there he put the man. Whom he had formed. And out of the ground. The Lord God. Made to spring up. Every tree that is pleasant.
To the sight. And good for food. And the tree of life. Was in the midst of the garden. And the tree of knowledge. Of good and evil.
And a river flowed out of Eden. To water the garden. And there it divided. And became four rivers. The name of the first. Is the Pishon.
It is the one that flowed. Around the whole land. To Havilah. Where there is gold. And the gold of that land. Is good.
Bedellum. And onyx stone. Are there. The name of the second river. Is the Gihon. It is the one.
That flowed around. The whole land of Cush. And the name of the third river. Is the Tigris. Which flows east of the Syria. And the fourth river.
Is the Euphrates. Okay. We just learned a lot about rivers. Push that out of your brain. We are not going to talk anything about that. The Lord God.
Took the man. And put him in the garden of Eden. To work it. And keep it. And the Lord God. Commanded the man.
Saying. For you shall surely eat. Of every tree of the garden. But of the tree of the knowledge. Of good and evil. You shall not eat.
For in the day that you eat. Of it. You shall surely die. Okay. God makes a man. Puts him in a garden.
He makes a garden. Puts the man in the garden. So the whole world is kind of. Rugged. Unkempt. He makes a garden.
Plants a garden. And then he puts the man in the garden. And he says he's got a job. He's to work it. And keep it. This is prior to sin.
This is prior to Eve. The man's designed to have a job. Single. Single men in the room. Masculinity does not wait. For you to get married.
And have children. Some of you are not called to be married and have children. You're going to be like Paul and Jesus. Who were perfectly masculine. And were not married and did not have kids. So don't feel like.
Oh cool. I get to be a boy until I have a wife who makes me be a man. That's nonsense. He gave him a job before the existence of Eve. So. He tells him to work it and keep it.
And from there we're going to look at everything we talk about today. So. Work and keep. We're going to take work and break it into two helpful ways to distinguish it. And then we're going to talk about keep it. The words we're going to use are cultivate.
Provide. And protect. Cultivate. Provide. And protect. That's what he means by work and keep.
That he had a job. He was to work and keep. He was to cultivate. To provide. And to protect. So.
Cultivate. God takes Adam. He puts him in this garden. And he says. Work it. Cultivate this.
Help it grow. And as he later talks to Adam and Eve. He says. Make the rest of the world look like this. There is a call in masculinity. To cultivation.
To development. To making things better. It's deep in us. It's the idea of being a craftsman. So that whether that's.
It's taking raw materials and turning it into something. So a chef. Takes raw ingredients. And turns it into something. Cook boss. He makes the prettiest cakes.
And that is distinctly masculine. Is how he takes raw materials. And turns them into. Like. I saw like this triple layer cake. With like a cherry tree on top.
And you could eat the whole thing. It was amazing. Art. Design. Web design. Landscaping.
Hardscaping. The ability to. To farm. And to build. And to take something. Raw materials.
And turn it into something. Is what we're called to do. Deep. Deep. It's one of the pillars of manhood. And we're supposed to do it.
Everywhere. We are designed. To cultivate. Which really just basically means. We leave it better. As men.
We leave it better. When you go to work. Your job. Is not to just do whatever you can. To skate by. And get a paycheck.
You are there. To cultivate. You are there. To make it better. To make your job better. For having had you work there.
If you live in a house. If you rent an apartment. That place should be better. For you having lived there. It shouldn't slowly decay. Under your care.
It should be. Cleaner. And nicer. And more taken care of. Because you were designed. To cultivate.
If you have relationships. You're designed. To cultivate. To help people grow. To develop them. To take something.
And nurture it. And give it health. And life. So. Husbands. Your wife.
You're supposed to cultivate her. She should flourish. Under your headship. And under your leadership. And under your care. That you would go out of your way.
To help bring out. What is best in her. If you have roommates. And you're going to live with them. For a year. Or two years.
Or three years. You should be. Building into them. They should be better off. For having lived with you. They should look back.
On that time. And say. It was. It was good. And formative. And God's grace.
Towards me. That I lived with you. With this man. Because he. Cultivated me. They might not use that word.
Because that would be weird. Built into me. Challenged me. It's the way. It's the way we're designed to work. This is why guys can do.
Any little bit of a sport. And then go buy. Two hundred dollars worth of equipment. Because you're like. Wouldn't it be better if we had this? Oh this would be way better if we had that.
This is why you. You can't. You play a game. And you immediately go. Oh. I wish this game had this thing.
Because we're designed. To try to make things better. To try to cultivate. To try to bring out life. One of the people I have seen do this the best in my life was my dad. At all points he was working to make everything around him better.
He didn't sit still much. He can walk into. You can walk around with him. If you go stay in a hotel. If you go to a theme park. And after he's been there a couple of hours.
You can say. Okay. What could they do to make this better? And immediately. That's all he's been thinking about. Well they could do this.
If they'd have done 30 minutes more worth of work there. That would look twice as good. Like he. He does that. It drives my wife crazy. But Phillips is.
Change the rules to board games. We'll play a game once. And go. Okay. Next time. These are the new rules.
My wife's like. Why would you change the rules? Because it'll make the game better. That rule was dumb. We have whole sides of dice. That don't even mean anything.
It's like. No. If you roll that. You just do this. We're not doing that anymore. Throw those cards away.
That's not part of the game. Like we just. One of the ways my dad did this in us. Was he was always moving us towards manhood. So you were like five.
And my mom maybe cooked something you didn't like. And you were like. I don't. I'm not going to eat it. It's just. It's not going to happen.
I just. I just hate it. And my dad would look at you. And go. Hey. Boy.
Look at me. You going to grow up to be a man? Yes sir. The answer to that was always yes. You weren't like. I don't know what I'm thinking about.
And my dad asked you that. I said yes sir. He said okay. What if I came home. And your mom cooked something. That I didn't like.
And I walked over and said. I'm not going to eat it. And immediately. This was the most grotesque thing. You could ever see. Because my dad.
Throwing a fit. It's just ugly. You shouldn't see grown men. Throw whiny fits. So you're five.
And you were like. No. You should never do that. And he's like. Right. Come on.
And it was like. Okay. But he would help you see. Something that was happening. When you were five. That was going to.
Like you. You'd be afraid of something. Hyperventilating. Freaking out. I can't ride. I just can't get on this ride.
I can't get on this roller coaster. And he would look at you. And go. Hey. Look at me. You're seven years old.
Look at me. You want to have a wife and kids someday? That's a really heavy question. For a seven year old. Answer. Yes sir.
Like you just. You go. All right. Let me ask you a question. You're asleep. Sound asleep.
You hear a crash. Someone broke into your house. Are you going to go. Or are you going to do what you got to do? It's like. I did not know roller coasters had anything to do.
With burglaries. He's like. Hey. Get control of yourself. Let's go.
And it was like. Okay. I can ride a roller coaster. Because I don't want my kids to die. But here's what my dad was doing.
And sometimes he over applied that. And it got really intense and crazy over things that probably shouldn't have been. But what he was doing is. When you plant. Like if you plant a tomato plant. You go ahead and put that like weird green thing.
The cage around it. Why? Because it's going to grow. You have. You already have a plan for what it's going to do. You know what the goal is.
You're going to get tomatoes off this thing. My dad was looking at us when we were five. And saying. Your goal isn't to be a five-year-old. Your goal is to be a man. And I'm going to cultivate you.
To do that. And as men. That's our job. With everything. Under our care. We leave it better.
Something deep inside of you. Is calling you. To work. To cultivate. To cultivate. And the question isn't.
Are you cultivating? The question is. What are you cultivating? Because something is getting your energy. Something is getting your time. You are waking up and doing something.
Are you cultivating death? Are you cultivating laziness? Are you cultivating harm for others? Are you actually working towards something that's valuable and good and will last? So God took Adam.
He placed him in the garden. And told him to work. Half of that's cultivate. The other half is provide. So men are designed to cultivate.
They're designed to develop. To build. To be craftsmen. And designed to provide. And provision just means this. It's a couple of really simple things.
Off the bat. Have a job. You're supposed to work. Men are supposed to go to bed tired. You're supposed to. God designed it that we would work six days and rest one.
So if you want to say one day a week you can go to bed feeling rested. Go for it. Six days out of the week you need to go to bed tired. You should have a sore back. Some sore feet. Your brain should ache.
You should have been at work. If you're at school. Go to school. Work. Work at school. Get another Job.
Cultivate your friends. Don't think I only got two hours of stuff to do today. And I don't have to do anything on Tuesdays and Thursdays. No you're designed to work. To provide. It means you have a job.
It means if you have a job. Have a budget. To plan ahead. So the provision. When God put him there and said. Make this flourish.
Make this grow. He was to design everything so that it could flourish. So he was supposed to have systems for economics. He was supposed to have systems for when they harvest. When they don't harvest. He was supposed to have systems and design and plans.
For how this works. My wife grew up in Johnston. The peach capital of the world. So take that Georgia. Just because you called the name. Doesn't count.
When I'm riding down to go see. We go visit her dad or something. You're riding and there's like trees and stuff. And it's just woods. And then all of a sudden you'll. You just open up and there's just rows.
Of peaches. Peach trees. They're organized. Do you know why? Because they had a plan. They were designing this.
They were figuring out a way for it to best provide. There's never like peaches. And then cotton underneath. And a few rows of corns going this way. Like it doesn't make any sense. Like we're supposed to figure out and set up systems and provide.
And make ways for things to grow and develop and be healthy. So I just. Girls if you're dating a guy. And he has a budget. That's awesome. You should be excited.
If he's like. I can't do that right now. Budget's kind of tight. You should be like. Wait. You got a spreadsheet?
He'd be like. Yeah. And you'd be like. That's man stuff right there. This means that we as men are designed to do the hard work so that others can benefit. We're designed to do hard work so that others can benefit.
It also means that we go last. Your goal isn't to get the best parking spot if you can walk. You walk. Let other people have the good parking spot. If you're hanging out with your community group and y'all are throwing a party. That means you're going to show up and help provide some of the food.
You're going to show up and help provide some of what's there. And you're going to stay late and help clean up. It means if you and your family just had a baby. You're taking the worst shift at night. You're going to find a way for your wife to sleep. You've got work to do.
You're going to be the one who's tired. You're going to make sure everyone else has what they need first. If you have a roommate and y'all are both hungry. And there's only one Totino's pizza left. Your roommate gets it. And you figure out something else.
Or you go hungry. Because that's man stuff. We go last. We make sure everyone else around us has what they need. We provide what is necessary. We do the hard work so that other people can have this.
This means that we save money for the benefit of others. Some guys it means that you need to take on a roommate. Even though you don't need one. Because maybe they need one. And you'd have the opportunity to cultivate. To pour into them.
To help develop them. Doesn't mean. That your wife can't make more money than you. It just means it's not her job to. She's not the one who's tasked with providing for your family. Recently in my community group.
There was a guy named Jack. Who became a Christian last year. It was really an encouraging thing. As he began to follow Jesus. And his wife got sick. And they just had a baby.
And so they decided it was best for her to not be working. Because of some of the sickness. And some of them having a kid. And so you know what he did? He took on another Job. He gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning.
He goes to work at 6. He works till 2. When he gets off at 2. He goes to his other Job. He works till 9 or 10. When he's not at work.
He's helping watch the kid. He doesn't get to hang out with our group as much. Because he's always at work. And that's beautiful. We try to find ways to get around him. We try to find ways to hang out with him.
But that's what he's designed to do. Is to provide. To work. One of the primary things that distinguishes a boy from a man. Is that a boy's primary way they relate to the world. Is they take.
But men give. If you are dating guys. If you are dating men. Not if you're dating men. Men if you're dating. Stay focused.
You're either going to leave. The woman you are dating. Better. Or worse. For having dated you. You are either going to provide.
For her to flourish. You're either going to help cultivate her. Or you are going to take from her. And if your goal in dating someone. Is to. To see them naked.
To get to have sex with them. To get to. Partake from them. To get to. They exist for your benefit. That's boy stuff.
That's not what men do. You're designed. To cultivate. To protect. To provide. And to make everything around you better.
This also means. That you can't just be. Provision isn't just. Well I make sure that the bills are paid. And I make sure there's food on the table. If your wife is physically fed.
But spiritually famished. You're not providing. You're not setting up the systems. You were designed to set up. If you have a daughter. Who drives a Mercedes.
But doesn't know you. And you never pursue her. I can tell you one thing. We could line up. All the girls at the University of South Carolina. And we could say.
See some whose dad worked two and three jobs. And scraped by. To buy a beater car off a Craigslist. But pursued their daughters. Loved their daughters. Talked to their daughters.
And we could have some that. Their dad gave them everything they ever wanted. Except for him. And I'll tell you what. The ones with the beater cars. Wouldn't trade their dad in for a Mercedes.
And the ones with the Mercedes. Would trade it every time. You're designed to set up. A system to provide. And to cultivate. Those around you.
I heard one pastor put it this way. I thought it was helpful. This is specifically for guys who are married and have kids. When you go to work. That's first shift. When you come home from work.
You are not off work. You are starting second shift. Second shift is where you save your wife from your children. And on some days. Your children from your wife. But it's your job to be around your kids.
To roll around on the floor. To assault them in a healthy way. When your kids go to sleep at eight, nine o'clock. You're not off work. Third shift just started. It's time for you to talk to your wife.
It's time for you to pursue her. It's time for you to discuss with her. It's time for you. And you say okay. And then what happens? Well you probably go to sleep.
Because you're exhausted. What about me time? Wake up at four in the morning. That's me time. Or you don't get any. That's how that works.
You were designed to work. And to go to bed tired. Okay. Got to move on. Protect. So he says work it and keep it.
Work it. We talked about in cultivate and provide. Keep it. He means to defend it. The word there is like to be a shield. To protect what you have.
We as men are designed to protect. And universally this one is understood as manly. As what men are supposed to do. We don't have much push back on the idea of protection. In 2012 at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. At a midnight showing of the dark night.
A man walked in in a trench coat. Wearing a flak jacket. Threw out some gas canisters. Smoke canisters. And began to take an assault rifle and fire into the crowd. In that showing were two young men with their girlfriends.
Who pushed their girlfriends to the ground. And laid their bodies on top of them. Bullets ripped through their bodies and into their girlfriends. Their girlfriends were wounded. And both of those young men died. Worldwide they were heralded as heroes.
Because we understand that's what's supposed to happen. Men are supposed to take the fall so that others can go free. They're supposed to stick their necks out on behalf of others. That same year there was a, in Europe off the coast of Italy, there was a boat that sank. And there were reports that men were pushing women and children out of the way to get to the life rafts first. Universally, that was called heinous cowardice.
Because we know deep inside of us that men are designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Men are designed to take punishment on behalf of others. There's a seminary professor and I heard this story. He teaches his sons. He's got some sons. And he teaches them that boys take the fall so the girl can go free.
Boys take the fall so the girl can go free. And he teaches them this all the time. And he was in his office and he was watching his son riding a wagon down a hill. Hill. Watching him ride a wagon down a hill. And just completely out of control.
And so at this point there's nothing he can do but watch. He's just like, okay, let's see how badly this goes for him. And so the kid's just losing it, careening down this hill. And as he's getting towards the bottom, a girl about two years younger than his son, his son was younger at the time, comes riding out on a tricycle. And so he's like, okay, this just got worse. And he's watching his son.
His son starts rocking the cart back and forth as best he can. And just tips the whole thing over. And just makes it ten times worse. Just goes barreling down this hill. I mean, smacking his body, rolling. And his dad jumps up and immediately runs outside.
Knows that this is one of those, like, are we going to the hospital type moments. Runs up to his son. His son's bleeding and crying. He looks at him and goes, I did it, Dad. The boy takes the fall. The girl goes free.
And 100,000 times yes. That is what men are designed to do. We're designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Real practically. Periodically. This means periodically we'll hear noises at my house.
And the other night I heard a loud noise and I rolled over and tapped my wife. And I said, hey, you know how I'm really progressive and I don't try to hold you back. She said, yeah, boo. She's real sweet when I wake up at night. And I said, do you hear that noise? And she said, yeah, it's your turn.
Go defend the baby. No, that doesn't happen. I don't care if your wife is an army ranger with a black belt. You hear a noise, that's your job. Cover me. I got it.
I work IT. Somebody's going down. Like, I mean, that's just how it works. It's your job. Men are designed by God to protect. Now, this doesn't have anything to do with stature.
This doesn't have anything to do with testosterone levels. This doesn't have anything to do with what kind of Job you work. None of those do. We're designed to cultivate. We're designed to provide. And we're designed to protect.
We leave it better. We do the hard work so that others can benefit. And we go last. And we take the fall so others can go free. That's what masculinity is. That's what we're designed to do.
That's what God put Adam there to do. And then chapter 3 happens of Genesis. And in chapter 3, I'm just going to tell you this story and we'll look at a few verses. Chapter 3. It says, it tells us the story of a snake comes up. So Eve's there at this point.
A snake comes up and starts talking to Eve. Now, let's go ahead and give them a little bit of credit. Because first of all, you're like, snake talks to me. Situation is over. This was before sin. So they hadn't been tricked before.
They hadn't been harmed before. So, of course, snake talks to you. Right. You're getting out of there. But let's just give them some benefit of the doubt.
They didn't realize how really messed up the situation had just gotten. Snake talks to Eve and begins to lie to her about what God said. And tricks her into the verse we read earlier where God says, don't eat of this tree. Tricks her and deceives her into eating of the tree. And then the Bible says something absolutely crazy. Flip to Genesis chapter 3.
I want us to look at verse 6. Verse 6. This whole story is playing out of this conversation between Eve and the snake. And verse 6 says, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. That's the first time he shows up in the story. He was there the whole time.
He absolutely abdicated what he was supposed to do. He absolutely backed out of his call to cultivate her, his call to provide for her, and mostly to protect her. He was just there. Then it says that this was sin, and this is what immediately caused a rift between them and between God. And then God shows up in the garden, and he calls for Adam. He's not looking for Eve.
He's looking for Adam. And then Adam, as God begins to question him about this situation, Adam says this in verse 12. The man said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate. That's his response. It was the woman that you gave me. I think we can clearly see I had nothing to do with this.
And we immediately, in chapters 3, see three of the biggest issues when it comes to us living out biblical masculinity, our apathy, sinful aggression, and blame. Apathy. He was there, but he just didn't do anything. We were hanging out with our community group the other day, and my son, who's walking and tearing everything up all the time, was over in somebody else's house tearing stuff up. And so my wife got up and went and picked him up and took care of him, and then she walked over and handed him to her husband, who was with her. And that was the first time I showed up in that story.
Because of apathy. I just didn't want to get up. Because this is at work in me, and it's at work in all of us. And then sinful aggression. When Adam should have been aggressive towards the snake, he takes out his aggression by blaming others. It was her fault.
The one time he actually shows a little bit of some of the aggression God gave him that he should have used in a helpful way. It's only an aggression at those around him, not to help them, but to harm him. So the two major sin issues that we'll see in masculinity is apathy, where men just abdicate the role they were given, or when they wrongfully use their aggression and their size to domineer over others. And the third one is blame. It's not my fault. It was the woman's fault.
I mean, it's not me. It's my boss. It's not me. It's these daggum kids I got. If I'd have just had a different father, if I could have just gone to school, if I'd have just had that kind of Job, man, if I'd had that kind of money growing up, it's not my fault. The one that's the most bizarre to me but gets used so often is we blame our apathy.
Man, I don't know. I'm just apathetic. I would have done that, but, you know, I just, I don't know. I just don't, I don't feel like it. I don't have the energy. Like, that's a valid excuse.
And here's what I know about Adam. Here's what I know about us. You swap out any man in this room for Adam, this story plays out. At some point, we all get kicked out of the garden. At some point, we all abdicate our role. At some point, we fail to cultivate, provide, and protect.
None of us stay in the garden. Romans 5. Thankfully to God, that's the first bit of the book, and it keeps going. Romans chapter 5 is going to be on page 612. We're going to start with verse 12. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, who'd sin come through?
Adam. Who ate the fruit first? Eve. Who gave it to Adam? Eve. Who talked to the snake?
Eve. Who'd sin come through? Adam. Because of his apathy. Because of his failure to do what God had designed him to do. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.
This sin of Adam has spread to all of us and ultimately leads to death, but is working death in us all of the days of our lives. For sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was of type of the one who was to come. Okay, so Adam prefigured someone else who was going to come. He was a type of someone else to come. But the free gift is not like the trespass.
For if many died through one man's trespass, so Adam brings death to everybody, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for many. And the free gift is not like the result of the one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass, which is sin, brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. It means he made us right. For if because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.
Jesus perfectly fulfilled masculinity on our behalf. He was the better Adam. Where Adam apathetically stood by and didn't help, Jesus steps into a situation that was not his to fix, but only he could fix, and he steps in to make everything better. Jesus perfectly, where Adam was passive when he should have been aggressive and aggressive when he should have been humble and passive, Jesus was the opposite. Perfectly walking aggression and gentleness out, perfectly loving and pursuing and fighting against the real enemy, sin and death. And where Adam failed to protect, where Adam at the end pointed at his wife and said, it's her fault, put her head on the chopping block.
She should be the one to blame. Jesus stepped in and said, it's their fault. It's Adam's fault. It's your fault. Put my head on the chopping block. I'll be the one to blame.
Jesus is the ultimate man who took the fall so that we could go free and perfectly fulfilled masculinity for us and perfectly walked it out and showed us what it looks like to cultivate, to provide, and to protect. He did everything on the cross that Adam failed to do. He did everything on the cross that we failed to do. And our options as men, you're either in Adam, either have death at work in you, or you're in Christ, where you have life at work in you through Jesus' work on your behalf. You either have Adam's work on your behalf and your work joined in with him, or you have Jesus' work on your behalf that overcomes all the terrible work we've ever done.
And through Jesus, we can actually be men. Not to say that Christians can't be masculine. Not to say that men who don't know Jesus can't fulfill some of these things. But it'll never be complete. It'll never be fulfilled. And we'll be consistently looking for something to make sure that we have value.
Consistently looking for something to make sure that... I'm a real man because I can pick stuff up and put it down. I'm a real man because I got a good job that makes money. I'm a real man because I know how to shoot a deer. I'm a real man because I don't care about all those stereotypes. And I'm secure in my own mask.
Like, whatever. We'll begin to use that to put others down and to raise us up. Just like Adam looked at Eve and said, put her down, raise me up. She's the problem. As long as you see her as the issue, I get to be okay. And Jesus does the opposite where he takes the blame on our behalf, where he takes the fall so we can go free.
And in Christ, we can actually be made into real men. So by God's grace, this is what we're pursuing here. To be men who know that Jesus is the real man. Jesus is the one who works life in us, who paid for our sin and our debt and makes us actually able to be men. And then as we follow Jesus and as we fail, we trust in Jesus. But as we follow Jesus, we work to cultivate and to provide and to protect.
And we work to call men to be men here. And by God's grace, we will work and fight and go out exhausted. We'll go to sleep tired and then one day, we'll close our eyes and take our last breath, absolutely worn out, strung out, exhausted from living our life for the sake of others. Pouring ourselves out for the benefit of others, working hard, going out with our boots on because we've been at work. And we've been protecting and providing and cultivating just as God called us to. And everywhere we failed, we just leaned into Jesus who perfectly did it on our behalf.
That's our desire here. To have men, to train men, to turn boys into men, to take our sons and make them men and to follow Jesus the whole time. The band's going to come back up and play and we're going to sing. Men, where we've been failing at this, where we've been apathetic, where we've been blaming others, where we've been wrongfully exerting aggression on those around us to control our situation and make ourselves look better, we need to repent. We need to repent to those that we've harmed. Single men, you need to realize that while married men have a clear and direct example of those that they are harming through their apathy because their wife or their children walk around with them on a regular basis.
Just because you are single and the people that you are harming through your apathy don't follow you around, you're still called to cultivate. You're still called to make those around you better. You're still called to be active in what it means to be a man. And all of us are called to repent and to point to Jesus because when Adam looked around in the garden and said, someone has to take the blame for this, he just knew that he couldn't handle the weight of his own failure and he looked around and said, someone takes the blame and thousands of years later Jesus stepped forward. When Adam looked at God and said, it's your fault, Jesus in Christ says, yes, I'll take that.
I'll take the blame even though I don't deserve it and he stepped up and took the blame for us and so when we fail, we get to look at Jesus who's already taken the blame on our behalf, who's already taken the weight on our behalf and we get to repent, confess and know that Jesus ultimately handled it and we get to follow him and what real masculinity looks like. God, we pray that by your grace, males would be men, that we would love and serve and protect those around us, that we would humbly sacrifice and lead. God, we pray that we would cultivate, that everything around us would be better because we were there, because you were at work in us. God, we pray that we would put others first, that we would put ourselves last, that we would do hard work for the benefit of others.
God, we pray that you would help us to take the fall so others can go free and to stick our necks out for the sake of others. That you would work in us to perfectly cultivate, provide and protect. And God, I pray that we would follow after you, leaning into you and our failures and that the men in this room who have lived their life in Adam would place their faith in Jesus to be set free from all their failures because you took the blame for us, to be made new and that we might follow you as men. I pray that the women in our church family would encourage men to be men, would point it out, would welcome it.
I pray that the ladies in this room that are dating guys would not put up with boys that can shave but would follow after the true man, Jesus, until he brings along a man following after him. God, we ask for your grace and your work on our behalf. Pray that men will repent and follow you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Gender, Bigfoot, and Leprechauns
The idea that gender is a made-up social construct is gaining widespread acceptance. But is that the most helpful conclusion? Does the idea of gender need be thrown out and left behind, or just seen with new lenses?
Transcript
Well, good morning. My name's Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Grab a Bible and flip to Matthew chapter 19. That's where we'll be starting today. It's going to be on page 534.
If your Bible is one of the blue and white ones on the road. If you don't own a Bible, steal the one you're holding. Grab one of these and take it with you. We'll give you permission to steal. We'll absolve you of that. It's our gift to you.
We want you to have a Bible. If you are part of our church family and you've already taken five of those, just leave the one you're using here. Okay, so anyway, we're in our second week of our Theology of Sex series. We're just trying to have a better, more robust view of gender and sexuality, of masculinity and femininity. And so we're just taking some time to actually see what the Bible says about all these things because they're major cultural issues for us. So today we're going to pick up and start talking about gender specifically.
Let me recap for us what we talked about last week. So as we started this last week, what we said was that humans were created in the image of God. That God created everything and then he kind of pauses and then creates humanity in his image to mirror him, to show all of the rest of creation what he's like. Like a little bit of a self-portrait. Like humanity exists in relation to God and is designed to image him to the world. Therefore, all humans have dignity and value and work and purpose just by the nature of our creation, the nature of our design.
The problem is, our fundamental problem on earth is that we who are designed to worship God and exist in a relationship with him have swapped him out for other things. And what we talked mostly last week was that humans, because we are made in the image of God, are the easiest created things to put in the place of God because we hold the most promise. It's easier to believe that another person will fill you up, will give you satisfaction, will bring you fulfillment. It's easier to believe that romance and relationship and love and sex can fit in that and fill that void than it is for us to believe money can go there or success.
I mean we chase after all these other things, but the easiest one, because we were made in the image of God, the easiest thing to replace him with is each other and ourselves. And that this pour the fabric of creation and ultimately leads to destruction, pain, because we were designed to exist in a relationship with him. Am I cutting in and out? Okay, so do I need to cut this off and just talk really loudly? Alright, this is going to get on my... Okay, we're going to try to fix that, I think.
So I will try to talk loudly and rapidly so that I will not cut in and out. I will just talk like this the rest of the time, so be paying attention and make sure you stay focused because this is how we're going to go. Now we're in Matthew chapter 19. So here's what we're doing. We're going to have to cover a lot of ground today as we walk through this because we've got a lot of things to say for us to even be able to have the discussion we need to have. So we're in Matthew chapter 19.
We looked at last week at how we've swapped God out for other things. We were created to worship him, to find our joy and fulfillment in him. And that ultimately Jesus came to swap places back with us. Where we had swapped ourselves out for God. Jesus, who is God, swapped himself out for us. Where when we made the exchange, we got death and sin and pain and destruction.
Jesus made the exchange on our behalf and took our death and sin and pain and destruction so that we could be welcomed back in. And that's the foundation of everything else we say. We have to understand that God pursues us, created us, and loves us enough to go to the cross. Matthew chapter 19 verse 3 is where we're going to pick up. It says, And the Pharisees came to him, him as Jesus, and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? Okay, so the Pharisees were a group of religious leaders.
And they asked Jesus a bunch of questions on a consistent basis because they're trying to trip him up, trap him, prove that he's wrong, show that he's ignorant, get people to quit following him. And they were well educated, knew the Bible really well, and so they're asking him this question to kind of trick him. They're going to have a discussion about divorce, but Jesus is going to say some very helpful things to us as we look at gender today. The Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read? Which is just a great way to answer Pharisees because they would have memorized the Old Testament.
So I think he does that just to bother them, which just makes me like Jesus a little more. But that may be some of my own sinfulness. But he's like, oh, I thought y'all don't read? Okay, I'll catch you up since you don't know. Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So Jesus reiterates and reaffirms what we saw last week where it says God created male and female in his image. Jesus says there is from the beginning male and female. That there is a gender binary. That you are male or female.
So they said to him, why then, this is verse 7, did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. So he's answering their divorce question.
We're going to keep moving because we're not talking about that today. We're looking at gender specifically, what he says about that. So the disciples said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. So the disciples jump in this conversation and they're like, wait, you've got to stay married forever? Probably should just not get married then. So just so you all know, their culture was a little closer to ours than we think.
So his basic response in the context is, eunuchs were people who were physically unable to have sex. They were physically unable to not have the sexual organs capable of having sex. So he says there are several types of eunuchs. We would refer to this as intersex now. Those who have been born this way. Those who have been made this way by men.
They would have captured men and castrated them to let them guard female chambers at this time. Those who have been made so by men. Or those who have chosen to be so. So they didn't physically do this to themselves, but chose to be so for the sake of the kingdom. So his basic answer in the context is, if you can't handle marriage or don't want to get married, you can be celibate for any number of reasons.
You can live your life without ever having sex for any number of reasons. But what's helpful for us is that in this conversation, Jesus, who is God on earth, confirms God at the beginning made them male and female. And he addresses there are some who are born without male or female reproductive organs. There are some who are born where it's not clear what they are, male or female. And those individuals would be intersex. And one of the arguments that's made against gender today in our culture is that because some people, so it's a small percentage of the population, it is very rare, because some people are born intersex, then gender must be fluid.
It must be on a sliding scale. And here Jesus gives us actually a helpful response to that, which is, no, there are two genders, male and female, and there are some born this way. And we take exception for those, and we care for them, we love them, and they are individuals that we know and care about. But it's an exception that proves the rule. It's not one that breaks the rule. Now, if everyone is thoroughly uncomfortable, we're going to talk about gender today.
Before we get into all of that, I've got a few things just to lay the groundwork for us and to kind of address some different people in the room so that we know where we stand. If you're in the room today and you identify as gay, if you identify as bisexual or transgender or bigender or any number of the current ways to identify yourself, I just want to say you are welcome here. We are glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. You are welcome to be a part of our church. You are welcome to be involved here.
We are not against you. You're not an issue to us. You are a person loved by God, and you are welcome here. To our more conservative friends in the room, any amount of pride and superiority that you hold when it comes to the issue of gender, any amount of today that you just feel like some of the things we're talking about are just unhelpful, we shouldn't even have to talk about them. I just want to encourage you to remember that the gospel eliminates pride and superiority, that the standard by which we are judged is Jesus and his holiness, not any other thing gets to be brought into the discussion as to what makes us special or good or okay.
And just a life tip, as a Christian who wants to be a missionary to our culture, you can't be a missionary and be dismissive, and saying things like God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, or I wish I was transgender and then I could go into ladies' locker rooms, are not helpful at all. So I would ask you to listen today with a bit of humility and grace as we walk through this, and hopefully grow in our understanding of how God cares for and loves all of us, even in the midst of some of this gender discussion. For our more liberal friends here today, I just would encourage you to hold on to some of that same humility and grace as some of the things we talk about today may seem asinine or barbaric or completely ignorant as we try to unpack what scripture says, that you would just approach it with the same humility and grace we just asked of our conservative friends, and that really you would just try to, as we try to gracefully say, here's what the Bible says, not a whole lot of rhetoric, not a whole lot of shouting, not a whole lot of personal arguments, but here's what scripture says how we ought to approach this, if you would just try to hear and consider the other side of what our culture is saying. Now, I feel a little bit trapped as we get started, because there's no way that I can say everything correctly.
Terms have changed very quickly, and people in the room are going to be all over the place with, biology determines everything, if this is how you were born, then go with it, or it doesn't matter how you were born, it's how you feel, or all of gender is fluid, and so as I go through, if I say something offensive, our goal is to not be offensive for the sake of being offensive. We have said that some of this series might be offensive, and that's just as we unpack the Bible, it offends us. As we talk about what scripture says, it doesn't always agree with our culture. But we're not trying to be offensive for the sake of some pop and zing, so if I say something offensive, just give me some grace.
I'm not trying to be other than, hopefully, all of us will be a little bit offended by Jesus and by the cross. I'm going to pray, and then we're going to hop in. God, I pray that in the midst of this, you would give us all some humility, all some grace as we approach you. You'd help us to grow today. You'd help us to grow in our love for each other and our love for you, and ultimately our love and our understanding of the cross and what that provides for us. In Jesus' name, amen.
Facebook has started offering three options when it comes to gender. So there's male, female, and custom. If you start typing into the custom box, there are 56 other options that it will autofill, or you can write whatever you want. Some of the other options, I'm going to read a few of them, are agender. This is people who don't identify as any gender. Bigender, this is someone who identifies as male and female at different times.
Pangender, this is someone who identifies as a third gender with some combination of male and female aspects. And there's 53 other ones. This is taught at the University of South Carolina like this, that gender is on a sliding scale. The poster person for this lately has been Bruce, now Caitlyn Jenner, who publicly announced that he was a female in a male's body and went through gender reassignment surgery last year. Won the Arthur Ashe Courage Award from the ESPYs. Won Woman of the Year.
And that was even some of what helped us know this was really helpful for us to discuss because when he won Woman of the Year, our culture really didn't know how to react. It was a little bit of like, is this good for women? Is this, how does this work? Should we be excited? We should celebrate? Like there was just a little bit of confusion.
But this is kind of how we've begun to approach gender. That it's on a sliding scale. There's not really two set ones. And I think before we even get into this conversation, one of the questions that comes up is, why does it matter? Like why does God care? If I'm not hurting anybody, if I'm just doing my own thing, if people are just minding their own business, like why does he care?
Why is he stepping in? Why does it even matter? Can't we just all kind of do what we want? We're going to continue discussing that argument in a second. But I think to help us out as we get started, I'm going to try to help you know why God steps in and why he cares.
You may not appreciate the answer to this, but this is why. When it comes to anybody stepping in on any issue with a friend, family member, anybody, there's really two main sliders, two main categories that gauge how much we're going to step in. And they are knowledge and love. So knowledge of the situation, of the circumstance, of the decision, of how it's going to play out, and love for the person making the decision. So your friend comes and says, hey, I'm trying to figure out what kind of Job to get.
Okay? You love your friend, but you don't know what kind of Job they should get. So you're going to help them because you love them, but you're not going to be like, you should be a plumber. Like you're not going to come really aggressively after one type of Job unless you know them really well, have a good, like you're just going to be like, hey, well, what do you like? You're going to try to help them figure it out. Let's say you have a lot of knowledge, but no real love for the person.
So let's say I'm walking into Walmart and a guy comes up to me and says, hey, I'm thinking about dropping out of school and doing drugs. Okay. First of all, nice to meet you, sir. Second of all, I have a lot of knowledge. I feel like I've got a pretty good knowledge of how that's going to play out for him, but I don't know him. I don't really love him.
So my response would be, uh, don't do it. Like if you're taking votes of people in Walmart's parking lot, put me down for a no, but I'm not going to follow him. I'm not going to have an intervention. I'm not going to go to his house and try to find his, his stash and throw it down the track. Like he's not, he's not my brother or something like the amount of aggression I'm going to have. I'll have some knowledge, but I'm not, I don't love him.
Maybe I should, maybe I should work on that. Mostly I'd be like, dude, I'm going into Walmart. Put me down for a no. Don't do it. I got stuff to get. Um, God, if you read scripture, if you just read cover to, to the, from, from one end to the other, and you're not a theology student, you're just reading it.
Two main things are going to jump out. Story after story, poem after poem, letter after letter. God is absolutely in control of everything. He is the king of the universe who created, holds everything in his hand. He is all knowing and all powerful. And he loves you.
He loves you individually. Absolutely loves you. So when we say, why can't he just leave us alone? We're asking, can't he be just loving or just powerful, but not both? That's what we're asking. And if you get just powerful, just knowledgeable, then he looks at us and sees that we're making some huge mistakes, that we've swapped him out for other things, that ultimately that leads to our own harm and destruction.
It's just not enough to get him off the couch. I've figured it out. Doesn't love us. Most of us aren't asking for that. Most of us want the opposite. We want him to love us, but not tell us what to do, not have any knowledge.
We want him to just come alongside of us and say, hey man, I care about you. Whatever you want to do. Do you think that'll make you happy? Go for it. We want him to kind of stand behind us and go. That's kind of what we want.
So the reason God cares, and the reason he's going to step in, and the reason he's going to wade into stuff we don't want him to talk about, is because he's both. The Bible's clear on that. If you want some other version of a God, you're not going to find that one in scripture. He's going to be both powerful and loving, which means that we get both the creator and the cross, where he steps in to love us, to rescue us, to bring us back to himself. Okay. Now, we've got to go, we've got to set gender aside, and go, go look at some philosophy, look at some ideology of our culture, before we can even get to gender, because we've got to understand that there's something really underneath, and behind the whole gender debate, and that is called what Robert Bella, he's a sociologist, calls expressive individualism.
You didn't know you were going to learn something today. Just bring that up in a conversation later this week. People are like, man, I don't know this person was smart. They'll be like, yeah, I'll take two tacos, because I was just, and just mumble it, you know, like, if we're talking about expressive individualism, just say it like that on the phone, people will be like, wow, smart. Here's what expressive individualism is. Here's the argument.
Look inside of you. That's where you'll find your purpose, your meaning, your value. That's how you'll know. Look at your dreams, look at your desires, look at your hope. That's what will define you, what will give you purpose and value. We look inwardly, and then we express ourselves.
That's expressive individualism, and it is all over the place. We have different words for it. We have, follow your heart, you do you, and just, just follow your dreams. Be true to yourself. Who cares what other people think? You just be yourself.
James Harden commercial starts off, it's real cinematic, there's a little voiceover by Harden, and he says, man, real talk, be who you are. Do what you feel, always. Because those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind at all. And it cuts to him doing all these awesome athletic things, and when it's over, you're like, yeah, bump the haters, I'm going to be a professional athlete. Or play Xbox. New York Times article said, people must be allowed to be themselves, however they define themselves, and they owe the world no explanation of it, or excuse for it.
This is in pretty much every Disney movie ever. Cinderella, we talked about her last week. Her song, one of the songs she sings is, a dream is a wish your heart makes. No matter how your heart is dreaming, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true. The Little Mermaid, the point of The Little Mermaid is, follow your dreams no matter what, and then you'll be happy. Which is funny, because the point of the book, The Little Mermaid, is some of your dreams are really destructive, and you should listen to your dad.
Um, Tinkerbell the movie, she says, I want to be free to be who I am. Kung Fu Panda, doesn't matter that he's a fat, unathletic panda, he finds out at the end, that the secret ingredient was in him all along. The real, the real dragon scroll of life, is a mirror. Just look inside yourself. And some of you are like, hey bro, Kung Fu Panda's DreamWorks, not Disney. Good point, Disney owns DreamWorks.
Um, Frozen. Frozen. Uh, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna pick on Poe, I love Poe. If I'm gonna pick on Poe, I also gotta pick on Elsa. You know the part in Frozen, where Elsa loses her mind, goes up on that mountain, makes that giant creepy castle sing into herself, and that big monster, and everybody's like, yay! You know what I'm talking about?
Uh, in that song, where she's completely lost it, she sings, uh, time to see what I can do, test the limits, and break through, no right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free. That's expressive individualism. No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free. And it's not just Disney, it's all over the place. Jesse Jay has a song called, Who You Are. Dreaming is believing, sometimes it's hard to follow your heart, tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are.
The New Radicals, this whole world can fall apart, you'll be okay, follow your heart. Josh Groban, believe in what your heart is saying, hear the melody that's playing, believe in what you feel inside, and give your dreams the wings to fly, you have everything you need, if you just relief. It's hard to read that, not choke up. Um, how many movies do we watch that have this idea? Just look inside yourself, you were the answer the whole time. Dorothy, you had the shoes on the whole time, it's been you the whole time.
Poe, just look in the mirror, you're ready. Like how many people, movies have we watched where someone says, don't you ever let anybody tell you who you're gonna be? Don't you let ever, let anybody tell you what you can and can't do. You be you, you fulfill your dreams, you look inside, you muster it out of yourself, you pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and you can live your dreams. The way you can tell who the bad guy in a movie is, is who's the person who doesn't believe in this, who's our, here's our hero, who doesn't believe in their dreams, who doesn't believe they can accomplish the goal.
And either by the end of the movie, that person will have realized they're wrong and joined the team, or they were the bad guy. So here's what we learn. If I believe something in my heart, and you don't want me to do it, you're an obstacle. You're an enemy. You're a hater. And a hater's gonna hate.
Hate, hate, hate, hate. I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Alright, shake it off. Here's the problem with expressive individualism, and I don't know if we, I don't know if we saw it. I don't know if we saw it coming, but here's the problem. When we all, when we get all aboard the expressive individualism train, when everybody climbs on to this idea that whatever's inside of you is right, whatever's inside of you is true, the last stop on the expressive individualism train is insanity.
If we follow the logic out, the last stop is crazy town. We lose the ability to step in and say, no, no, no, this isn't okay. We lose the ability to step in and say, no, no, no, no, this isn't healthy, this isn't okay for you to do this, because we've already seeded the point with whatever you think is right, whatever you believe is right. And so we lose the ability, and that's where it's headed, because we've already made all the logical arguments and already agreed to all the presuppositions, so when we get there, all we can do is say, well, I guess that applies here too. There's a guy, his name is Stefanke Walsh.
He's a 52-year-old man. He has seven children, and he decided that he did not want to be a father anymore, husband anymore, but that what was real inside of him was that he was a six-year-old girl. So he left his family and has found an adoptive set of parents that are grandparent-ish age who have grandchildren, and he stays over at their house and plays and colors with their grandchildren. This is a picture of him. So, this is expressive individualism carried out, and you can get online and there are people celebrating that he's being true to himself because he's looked inside and there's nobody can tell him this is wrong.
When we used to would have stepped in and said, no, you have a family, you are a man, you have certain roles and responsibilities, you need to carry some weight, you need to lead, no, we have to now at this point say, well, all the logic holds if it's really who he is, if it's really what his heart says, if it's really what his desires are. There's a thing called body integrity identification disorder. This is where individuals believe that they should have been born disabled. So they believe that a certain arm shouldn't belong to them or their legs shouldn't. There are people who have cut off limbs.
There are people who, there's a lady who believes she should have been born blind, so she blinded herself for a while and then poured bleach in her eyes. And is now blind. Because she believed that that's who she was, that's how she was born. She knew that the real her was blind. And every time we've said, just follow your heart, you gotta be true to you, you just do you, we, we climbed on the train. We, we've agreed with the, the logical arguments of whatever you find in you is correct.
Uh, Rachel Dolezal, y'all remember her? Uh, last year, this was an interesting one for our culture. She was the head of the NAACP in, uh, Washington, Spokane, Washington. Um, the problem was that she had been telling people she was black and she was not. And so this was, this is her, this was real interesting, um, because it was just interesting to see how we reacted. Um, so, uh, it's cultural appropriation at its worst.
She's, she's basically saying all this culture and history that, that plays into making a people a people, she just kind of assumes it and says this is me now, this is my culture now, uh, this is a picture of her parents and, uh, her when she was growing up. So people had a problem. They were saying, well, you're not black. You can't just say I'm black. Uh, there was actually, she was on TV, uh, talking to a panel of, of black women who were discussing this with her and she said, why can't I have the right to identify how I identify and I'll give you the right? And one of the hosts responds, Rachel, Rachel, I think it's kind of hard because you're not black.
Uh, and then on the Today Show and an interview, she says, I am deaf, I definitely am not white. Nothing about my being white, nothing about being white describes who I am. I am more black than I am white. That's the accurate answer from my truth. So here, here becomes the question.
How? We've already agreed to all the logic of expressive individualism. How do we step in and look at Rachel and say, no. Realistically, we can't. Realistically, we've already all kind of joined on board with whatever's inside of you, whatever you believe, however you feel, is right. Uh, let me tell you a few quick reasons why expressive individualism just doesn't hold up.
It just isn't helpful. First of all, that's not how freedom works. So the idea that no right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free, that's not actually how freedom works. You have the freedom to get in your car and go see the Grand Canyon. And there's a reason you have the freedom to get in your car and go see the Grand Canyon. Because we have roads and rules about how those are made.
We have vehicles and rules about how those are made. We have rules about what kind of vehicles can be on the road. We have rules about what you gotta do at a stop sign and a stoplight. And we got people in shiny cars with blinky little lights that ride around and enforce those rules. That's actually what gives us the freedom to do that. It's not road warrior outside where everybody rides around in a dune buggy and kills people they see and plays the guitar on the front of their car.
Because the guys with the blinky lights stop that kind of activity. That's where we have freedom. Freedom is actually the right constraints. So if you take a fish in a little goldfish bowl and put him in a bigger one, he's got some more freedom maybe. It's a little more expanded. But if we just throw him out on the ground and say, run free!
He's not free anymore because he needed some constraints. Like water would have been helpful. So it's not how freedom works for us to just have no rules whatsoever. It also, it undercuts our ability to, it's not real. It's not in line with reality. So first of all, it doesn't work on real simple things.
Like I can't look at my wife and go, you know, baby, I was looking in my heart and deep down inside I'm not a person who changes diapers. And you don't want to be married to some faker, inauthentic. So I'm going to head back in here because I'm a guy who eats Cheetos and watches TV. It doesn't work. You can't say that to your boss. I just realized that this job doesn't really, this project you have me working on doesn't really line up with who I am so I'm not going to do it.
Okay, you're not going to do anything here with you not having a job anymore. It doesn't work on a bigger scale either because it just, it undercuts our ability to help people with real mental disorders because traditionally that's how we have been able to tell if someone has issues. Someone has mental issues is that they have thoughts that are not in line with reality. So if I told y'all I had to wrap this up pretty quick because I got a game tonight because I'm Cam Newton and I'm pretty important and they really need me there, that would be cute as long as I didn't keep saying that. But after a while you'd be like, bro, you're like two foot too short, woefully unathletic and you know, we're just going to stop there but there's a lot of problems with you saying you're Cam Newton and we need to help you because I would not be saying things in line with reality.
So when you can be whatever you want to be, just look inside yourself, it actually doesn't play out correctly. The only other, one of the other things is oversimplified. I 100% of the time, when you just say follow your heart, that's who you are, 100% of the time only want to eat cheeseburgers with bacon, steak with bacon, tacos with bacon, biscuits with bacon, like 100% of the time. I have never in my entire life thought, man, some kale would really hit the spot right now. Never happened. Not even like if I was having fever dreams would that nonsense flit across my brain.
But, I also want to live to be past 45. Would like to be able to chase my 10 month old son around the house without getting winded and passing out. I don't want to constantly sweat bacon grease. I said constantly, I'm being realistic. I have, which one's the real me? I have opposing desires, which one's the real me?
We, a lot of times we don't even know what we want or it changes. So to say that whatever you find in your heart is real, go for it, doesn't actually work out functionally. And here's the, as Christians, we should have immediately have some red flags rise up in our mind as we talk about this because what expressive individualism says is this, be you, look inside yourself, find yourself, express yourself, grab everything you can and follow your heart. Matthew 16, 24, Jesus says this, if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. So, love yourself, grab all you can and follow your heart feels like the exact opposite of that.
That as a Christian, Jesus is actually going to say, no, looking inwardly isn't what helps you. Getting everything you possibly can isn't what satisfies you and following your heart won't lead you to life and satisfaction. Here's one of the reasons why this becomes such a deep-rooted, believed, harmful truth, harmful idea in our culture. What we read last week, Genesis 127, I want y'all to see something and I think this will help us understand why this becomes such a heated issue. So, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him.
Male and female, he created them. We were designed, we said last week, in the image of God so we automatically have worth and value. But it also means that woven in the very fabric of humanity, built into our actual design, is that we should get our purpose from our creator. We get our identity from our creator. We were made in his image so our identity is actually derivative. It comes from him.
As soon as we swap him out for sex and romance and self, we are designed to begin to get our identity from whatever it is we're worshiping. So as soon as sex goes there, we begin to get our identity from it. That's why in our culture, when someone has a sexual desire, we just come alongside of them and say, that's the real you. Because we've placed sex and romance and self in the spot where we're supposed to derive our identity. We're supposed to derive our purpose and our worth. That's why in our culture, like in our culture, like if we lived, if I lived a couple hundred years ago in some sort of tribal warfare setting and I just wanted to kill people all the time and anybody who disrespected me, I wanted to kill them.
People in my culture would come alongside me and say, that's the real you. Inside of you is a really brave warrior who murders people. They would completely affirm that because that's what we value. And now in our culture, if I want to kill people who disrespect me, suddenly I have problems and should go talk to somebody. But that's because our culture values something completely different.
And that's why when anybody has a sexual desire, we come alongside of them and say, that's the real you. Because we've begun to derive our identity from that. Okay. Galatians 24, Galatians 5, 24 says this, those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and its desires. We do not derive our identity from our passions, from our desires. That is not the sum total of who we are.
Jesus has actually set us free from that. This brings us to the idea of gender. There's a massive push in our society to say that gender isn't actually a thing. To say that gender binary isn't real and gender is fluid. And the Christian's first response to anyone dealing with gender dysphoria, which is the clinical term for someone who believes that they were born in a man's body but they're truly a woman. Or that they don't identify with their body in any sort of sexual way or that they were born in a woman's body but they're truly a man.
Anyone dealing with gender dysphoria, the response from a Christian should first and foremost every single time be compassion. Not anger, not yelling, not fussing, like compassion. because can you imagine being 100% convinced that you were not supposed to be in the body you were in? To be born in a man's body but be 100% convinced that you were supposed to be a female, to begin taking hormonal changes that affect your physiology, to have a surgery that completely changes your physical appearance and then to discover that you still don't feel complete. You still don't feel whole. You still haven't found satisfaction.
If somebody, one of your friends, someone you know is dealing with this, our response is love and prayer and a lot of meals together and a lot of late nights talking. We don't have to encourage the behavior. We don't come alongside and say follow your heart but we, we're not mad. We have compassion. It's heartbreaking and as we begin to talk about this I want to read from a guy named Paul McHugh. He has a Catholic background but he's not an active practicing Christian.
Here's his title. That's the University Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University. So he has four words before his like title. So it's University Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University. Johns Hopkins was the first university to begin doing gender reassignment surgery. The first hospital.
They began in the 60s. That's how far ahead of the game they were on this. So if you were born biologically male but felt inside like a woman they would perform gender reassignment surgery on you. This is a quote from him in a Wall Street Journal article. Policymakers and the media are doing no favors either to the public or the transgendered by treating their confusions as a right in need of defending rather than a mental disorder that deserves understanding, treatment, and prevention. I have witnessed a great deal of damage from sex reassignment.
The children transformed from their male constitution into female roles suffered prolonged distress and misery as they sensed their natural attitudes. This intensely felt sense of being transgendered constitutes a mental disorder in two respects. The first is that the idea of sex misalignment is simply mistaken. It does not correspond with physical reality. The second is that it can lead to grim psychological outcomes. So what he did was he went back to all those who were reassigned and he did a survey.
He sat down and talked with them. What he found was that almost all the males who had surgery now identified as lesbians because they were attracted to women as well as most children who struggled with gender identity confusion grew out of it. I'm going to read another quote of his. You won't hear it from those championing transgender equality but controlled follow-up studies reveal fundamental problems with this movement. When children who reported transgender feelings were tracked without medical or surgical treatment at both Vanderbilt University and London Portman Clinic 70-80% of them spontaneously lost those feelings.
Johns Hopkins after doing several studies no longer does the surgery. They did it for about 20 years. There is a new study in Sweden from 2011. It's only one of its kind and scope and magnitude. It tracked 324 people for about 20 years who had had transgender surgery. The study revealed that beginning about 10 years after having the surgery the transgendered began to experience increasing mental difficulties.
Most shockingly their suicide mortality rose almost 20-fold above the comparable non-transgender population. Their suicide rate rose to almost 20 times the average. At the heart of the problem is confusion over the nature of transgendered sex change over the nature of the transgendered. Sex change is biologically impossible. People who undergo sex reassignment surgery do not change from men to women or vice versa. Rather, they become feminized men or masculinized women claiming that this is a civil rights matter and encouraging surgical intervention is in reality to collaborate with and promote a mental disorder.
Okay. I realize that that is hard to hear especially for compassionate people seeking to encourage and go along with our current cultural narrative. He does give an example that I think is helpful. One of the things he is saying is that the way we understand a mental disorder is when someone's thoughts are not in line thoughts and feelings are not in line with physical reality. And so one of the examples he gives is that if someone is anorexic they believe that they are overweight whether they are or are not and anorexic people can stand in front of a mirror and be very dangerously thin and believe that they are overweight and can look at you and say look at how fat I am and he says we don't come alongside them and say if that's what you believe follow your heart.
We don't come alongside of them and help them by encouraging them we come alongside them and help them by saying what you currently believe is in in line with reality. and that's what he says is not happening for those in the transgender community. If you don't feel at home in your body if you feel like an imposter in your own flesh if you feel like you don't quite fit let me tell you something that makes sense because in Christianity we have this understanding that we were designed to exist in a relationship with our creator and that's where we find fulfillment and joy and satisfaction and hope and when that relationship gets broken everything gets broken in us. We are no longer at home we are no longer at rest we no longer fit where we're supposed to we don't feel right anymore because we were designed to find our purpose and satisfaction and identity in God. So for someone who says I don't feel like I fit in this body the Christian response is that makes sense.
The theological term for that is estrangement that we were supposed to be in a relationship with God but that relationship is broken. Augustine says it this way you have made us for yourself oh Lord and our heart is restless until it finds rest in you. So for Christians we shouldn't be surprised by gender dysphoria at all. It's just an acute sense of what we all know to be true which is outside of God outside of Jesus stepping in on the cross we all of us are going to have to find something to fill the void something to make us feel okay. Truthfully those with gender dysphoria just have a more acute sense and they're doing what we're all doing which is looking for something to finish the sentence if I just had blank I'd be okay or if blank was just true about me I'd be finally complete. the problem is every time we fit something in that blank that isn't Jesus it ultimately doesn't satisfy it doesn't fill us up and it doesn't make us whole.
So we agree with the problem. You don't feel at home in your own skin. Yeah. All of us feel like something is lacking and something is empty and something is broken and something needs to be fixed but the answer is that Jesus came swap places with us on the cross to take away our shame and our guilt and to welcome us back into the relationship that we need to have with him. That he crosses that massive chasm between us and God to bridge the gap through his own blood to set us free. The band is going to come back up here and gender dysphoria is at its root a spiritual issue that comes from us worshiping something that ultimately isn't going to fix us.
So as our culture has placed self and romance and sexuality in this massive void caused by the absence of God we've begun to try to derive our identity from something that's not going to be able to give it to us and not going to be able to complete us and not going to be able to fill us up. But as Christians we understand that and we know the answer to that. Which is that Jesus Christ came to fix that problem through his own work and his own merit and his own blood and not our value or work or not anything else we can fill in the blank with. God I pray I pray that you would help us to love your good design.
God I pray that you would help us to see that you are all knowing and all loving and be able to trust you in that as we get to see you on the cross which proves that you're for us and you're for our good. I pray God that you would help us. That you would eradicate pride and superiority. That you would eradicate this desire to prove ourselves or to fill ourselves up or to find in us meaning and purpose. And God I pray that we would look to you to find meaning and purpose. I pray that instead of putting ourselves in that place we put you there.
Help us to trust you and follow you. help us to love all of our neighbors and all of our neighbors that currently struggle with gender dysphoria and gender issues that God we would be so overwhelmingly loving that it would be palpable. That they would feel so welcome because we who don't deserve to be welcome have been welcomed in through the cross. God fill us with your grace so that we can share it with others. We love you. We praise you in Jesus name. Amen.
Y'all stand listening. God bless you in mother stews in Jesus. We love you in the heart of Noah. Thank you in her. We love you in the heart of Gary, is in the heart of my little deum with people love started to move with America.
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Romance
As Americans we are convinced that the point of life is happiness. Through movies, advertising, and music our culture has told us that the primary avenue to happiness is romance. But what if happiness is too small of a goal? What do we do when both happiness and romance fail us?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We're about to have some fun for the next several weeks. So, we are going to be starting this the first week in our Theology of Sex series, and we're just going to take some time to look at gender and sexuality because, really, it's a big issue for us. It's a big issue for every culture, questions that you have to answer, and we're just kind of all over the map right now as a culture. So, let me give you just a quick kind of, here's where we're headed. Next week, we're actually going to spend some time just talking about gender.
Is it a social construct? Is there more depth and meaning to it than that? Or is it fluid? Like, we're just going to spend some time looking at what the Bible has to say about it. Next, the following week, we're going to talk about masculinity. So, what is it that makes you a man?
What is it that makes a man a man? Is it the ability to fix a truck and grow a beard? Or is it, should we throw off all of those kind of stereotypes about being able to do push-ups? And is it something completely different? Or is that just socially engineered as well? Is there actually something deep and real in masculinity given to us in Scripture?
So, we're going to look at that. Then, the following week, we'll be in femininity, looking at what it means to be a woman. And so, we'll have a man up here opening the Bible, teaching about what it means to be a woman. So, that should go really well. The purpose and God-given design for womanhood and femininity, especially with how much pressure is placed on women in our culture. We're just going to see what the Bible says that's supposed to look like.
Then, we'll go into the purpose of sex. Is it whatever you want it to be? Is it just for fun? Is it just for the propagation of humanity? Is that the only reason it exists? Or is there something deeper, more real to it?
And then, we'll talk about marriage, specifically American understanding of a marriage versus God's understanding of marriage. Is marriage primarily for fulfillment, for you being happy? Is it primarily to keep society going? We'll spend some time there. Then, we're going to talk about intolerance, bigotry, and hospitality when it comes to the church. And so, we should have a very good time, I think, as we walk through this.
We will definitely say some offensive things. The Bible is offensive to all of us. But before we get into all the really offensive things, all the stuff that we all have a lot of questions about, a lot of tension over, we're going to have to lay a foundation. We're going to have to lay a framework for us to even understand how we're supposed to view sexuality, how we're supposed to view gender, how we can even begin to approach this topic. We've got to lay the groundwork for our ability to even walk onto that playing field. Because we're going to come from very different places.
And so, we have to say, here's how we're approaching it from a biblical standpoint. And so, our culture and us, we like love stories. We like romance. We place a lot of value there. It's the stories we tell. That's what Disney has made tons and tons of money off of telling us love stories.
And even in the movies we watch, like if people start off not married, the movie ends with a wedding. And that's it. It's like, they say they're, like, sometimes you don't even have to hear what they say. They just run out and someone throws rice at their face and then credits. And you're like, oh, magic. Like, they ride away in a little carriage.
Like, I was watching Cinderella recently. And, and... Was that weird? Was that a weird thing to say? Anna, my wife, likes those movies. So, I watched them periodically with her.
And it was, like, destroying my soul as I watched that. Look, I can watch Cinderella. We're going to talk about masculinity in a couple of weeks. Don't throw your... No, I'm just kidding. All right.
Stereotypes on me. All right. They, they, I think, if I'm correct with Cinderella, though, they meet at the ball. They dance a couple of times. He chases her down. Her shoe, her foot fits in the shoe.
Obviously the same woman, because that's how feet work. He didn't recognize her face. It was just based off of the foot. Then it says they get, they get married. They're riding off in a carriage. And it's, like, happily ever after.
And I'm like, this is, like, their first conversation. That carriage ride is super awkward. Like, this is... And who knows, really? Like, they don't know each other at all. There's just, we tell these stories.
But, like, I'm going to share a few, just, these kind of stories. Because we, we find them compelling. We, we enjoy sharing them. I got a few from just my family. So I'm going to tell you how my grandparents on both sides and my parents met.
My grandparents on my dad's side met as a part of the same church. And began to date. It was right before World War II or during World War II. And my granddad was, had been through, I believe boot camp was about to be shipping out. But they started dating.
When they started dating, my grandmother told him, she said she didn't want to kiss anybody until she got married. Like, that, her wedding day would be her first kiss. And my granddad was like, yeah. That sounds great. I'm totally for that. That sounds wonderful.
And then he was like, but what if we just tried to see how close we could get our faces together without kissing? And apparently, like, talked my grandmother into it. She was like, okay, I don't think why that would be bad. Then he was like, like, they accidentally kissed. And he was like, oops. Since that happened, do you want to do that some more?
And that's like the only story I know about them dating that my grandmother just told me one time randomly. And I was like, I don't know how I feel about that story. Weirded out. Kind of proud of my granddad. Like, I don't know how to have an emotional reaction to this. But then he, they got married like a week before he shipped out to go overseas to World War II.
My other grandparents, my mom's side, my granddad was in medical school. My grandmother was, had just finished nursing school. They were doing, like, rotation or training at the same hospital. My granddad wasn't dating anybody because he felt called to go be a missionary, a foreign missionary. And so he was going to go be a medical missionary. And he just wasn't dating anybody because he didn't want to, that, to get weird.
He felt like this is what he was supposed to do. And my grandmother really wanted a family, children. Like, she really felt like that was something that was supposed to be. Like, she just desired it. But she also felt called, even from a young age, to be a foreign missionary.
And so she just one day was really wrestling with this. And she was praying. And she said, okay, God, I'll go. I'll go be a single missionary forever. I'll never have a husband and children and all that if that's not for me. If that's not what you want me to do, I submit.
I surrender. I'll do this. At the same time, my granddad was eating dinner. While she's praying through this in her, like, dorm room or how she lived with a couple other ladies, she, my granddad was eating dinner and having a conversation. And it came up. They never really dated anybody.
And he just said, I want to be a foreign missionary, so I'm not going to get into any relationships. And somebody was like, oh, there's a nurse around here that she's going to be a foreign missionary. And he was like, phone number. She comes out of the room from praying. And they're like, you got a phone call. It was my granddad.
He was like, you want to go on a date? Because you want to go to another country. And so do I. And that's why don't we just maybe go to the country together. And so that was how they met, started talking, started dating, and ended up being missionaries to Nigeria. My parents, last one.
My parents, my dad's, my granddad on my dad's side was a pastor. So my mom was hanging out at that church because she went to school near that area where he was a pastor. And my dad saw my mom, thought she was cute. So he walked over to his mom, kind of in the vicinity of, I think maybe his mom and my mom were talking. Walked over to his mom, put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek and said, I just want to tell you how much I love you. And then just walked away.
And my mom's first thought about my dad was, if he's that nice to his mom, I wonder how nice he'll be to his wife. And it was all a trick. But there's just something compelling to us about romance, about relationships, about, there's something, they hold promise for us. Whenever anybody enters into a new relationship, there's just this, I don't know, I don't know how this is going to work out. There's just all these, like, it could just be so, and we have so many beliefs that our culture gives us about relationships and about sexuality and about love and about romance that are just pumped into our brains all the time.
Even without us really paying attention to it. I was riding the other day, I was been working on this and I had like a five minute car ride. And the first song I heard when I got in the car, listen to it, Steve FM or whatever, like random radio. The first song I heard was, don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself. If you're familiar with that song, it's a guy trying to get a girl to have sex with him and she doesn't want to until they're married. And that's the whole point of the song.
So high quality music there. And then the next one was the I'm at a payphone waiting for you. I've spent all my money trying to call you that song. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm at a payphone waiting for you. That one, okay.
So I listened to that and he's, yeah, you're right. I should sing up here more often. And then the third one was Funky Comodina, which I'm not going to describe to you. But if you know it, all three of these songs, and this is what I'm riding around. I don't know all of them. I'm singing, you know, like Funky Comodina, like I'm riding around.
And this is what we're pumping into our brains all the time. I mean, there's just so much, we're being told so many stories, so many things to believe. There's just so much given to us. And honestly, it begins to just seep into us. And we really need to take a second and pull back and look at the big picture and ask this question. This is what we're looking at today.
We're going to see why this is so compelling to us. Why love stories, why this idea of people coming together, why romance, why it's such a big deal, why it really foundationally, fundamentally, even in scriptures, so compelling, and why it can be absolutely harmful and devastating. And just, if it gets in the wrong place, destructive. And so that's what we're going to spend some time doing. Now, we're going to get to talking about sex, but we've got to lay the groundwork first. So go to Genesis chapter 1.
All the way left in your Bible. It's on page 1. If your Bible looks like this, it's absolutely page 1, because it doesn't even say page 1 on it. You're going to have to find page 2 and go back a page. I'm going to pray, and then we're going to start at the very beginning of everything in the Bible and see kind of how we can lay a framework for how we ought to view this, why romance weighs so heavily on us, and why it can be so destructive. God, we thank you that you don't leave us on our own to figure this out, that really heavy, difficult, life-changing, heartfelt issues, like gender, like sexuality, like marriage, aren't left up to us, aren't left up to popular opinion.
God, I know that what you say and what we're going to see as we study through this over the next couple months is the opposite in a lot of ways of what we believe as a culture and honestly is in some ways offensive, I think, to everybody. I think we'll be surprised to see who and how we get offended as we walk through this, God. But I just pray that your Holy Spirit would work, that you would make us receptive to your Word, and that this morning you'd help us lay a framework and a foundation for how we're going to approach the rest of this. We love you and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.
All right, Genesis chapter 1, verse 1. This is the very beginning of the Bible. In the beginning. Seems like a good place to start. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Okay, stop.
At the very onset of Scripture, we are met with a very powerful God. Francis Schaeffer, who's a theologian, says that this may be the most pregnant sentence in all of humanity. It's just absolutely so full of depth, bursting forth with life, that we can just miss it. So it says, In the beginning, God. God exists prior to existence. He exists prior to the beginning of everything.
Like, everything we do is time-based, time-bound. I saw, I see, I went, I run, Johnny runs, Johnny ran, Johnny goes, Johnny went, go, Johnny, go, go, go. Like, we, we, everything is, and God is prior to that. There's no way to even, just to describe it. He's prior to the word prior. Like, before our ability to say before.
He exists outside of time. In the beginning, God exists, and then he creates the heavens and the earth. God, out of nothing, out of himself, really, creates everything. So everything we have, created by God. So prior to existence, there was God.
This is what we're told in the Bible. And then, God, out of nothing, creates everything. And so, when Anna and I first moved here, we got, we bought a house, well, we rent it from the bank. And, we, it was like, oh, cool, it's finally our own spot. Like, we're out of apartments, this is going to be nice. And then, I didn't realize what this was going to do to my wife.
So as soon as we get a house, she's like, wouldn't it be nice if, like, she starts so many sentences that way now. And it's like, wouldn't it be, oh, shit, what if we got some carpet? What if we build a fence? What if we, like, it's all these things. And it's like, yeah, that sounds great. And then, every time though, we ask the follow-up question, how much is that going to cost?
We have a discussion where we look at our budget, and then we say things like, maybe next year. Like, unless it's like, wouldn't it be nice if we had another trash, can? Most of the time, it's like, maybe next year. Like, we have to, God doesn't have to do that. He, infinite power and wealth, like, he, out of his own riches, out of his own glory, he creates everything. And it says, he creates the heavens and the earth.
So heavens there has an S. This is written through a biblical author who is empowered by the Holy Spirit. So he's writing about something he has no idea about. At this point, all he really could do is like, look up, and then if he wanted to see a little better, he could squint. Like, that's all he had. And he's saying heavens, which is the explanation of what we now know is infinite space.
Like, we can't, we don't know if it's infinite, because we can't see the end of it. We're just like, it just seems to keep going. It seems like everything gets bigger. Every time we shine a telescope to the darkest spot of the sky, and then we just wait some years for it to catch light, we're like, oh wow, there's a whole bunch of other stuff. All we know is that there's galaxies and galaxies, and solar system and solar system, and in the middle of this, not very impressive galaxy, in the middle of this not very impressive solar system, there's this tiny little oddly shaped earth that God creates.
And when we originally started space exploration, we had like four criteria for what it would take to have a habitable planet. And we were like, oh, we're going to find tons. Let's go. And so we started looking, and then it started, it slowly grew from four criteria to over 200 now, and we're starting to look at the statistics and going, I don't know if we're going to find another one. And then people respond with, well, yeah, but there's so many planets, there's got to be some. But what we see is that statistically, earth gets off a degree or two, it gets a little too far away from sun, a little too close to the sun, like there's not much that's in between us, and melting, or imploding, or exploding, or freezing, like we're right in the little, the sweet spot for humans to exist on a tilt, that we didn't realize that was important, and then we found out, oh no, actually if it was like a degree one, two the other way, we'd be in trouble.
We're the only planet we know of that sits on an awkward axis like that. And, and so we started saying, well, it seems like this is true. It's, it's logical to say, all right, I see in scripture that it says there's a God who made the heavens, and then he made an earth, and he's playing out this story on this earth, and it seems like it's, it's at least logical. Now, you can say, well, okay, but, but in infinite space, in infinite time, with infinite multiverses, and all of the galaxies, like at some point, yeah, I see, you got to hit it, like, there's going to be a planet, and people say that, but we don't use that argument for other things.
So, if you were in the old west, and you, you were dealing poker, and you dealt yourself four aces, it's a nice hand, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, the other guys at the table, are going to have a problem with you. They're going to stand up, they're going to pull out their guns, because everybody has a gun, and they're going to shoot you, because this is America, and, so they stand up, they pull out guns, and you respond, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, in the infinite number of universes, in time and space, in the infinite number of saloons, where people play poker, isn't it possible, that we just happen to be in the one, where I get dealt four aces, seven times in a row, you know what they're going to say, dang Clem, I never thought about that, you know Jessup, he's got a point, no you're going to get shot, because, while possible, it's actually more probable, at that point, that something else is at play, and that's kind of what we have with earth, while possible, that Yahtzee, we hit the lottery, it's actually, actually at some point, more probable, that there was some intention, there was some design, and that's what the Bible says, that we have a creator, who creates the heavens, and he creates the earth, and on the earth, he begins to play out this story, so, jump down, to verse 26, and we're going to read the last part, of this chapter, and what's happened so far, is God has, he speaks, so it says, God said, and then God saw, and then it was good, and that's what plays out, this whole time, as he creates everything else, and then verse 26, then God said, let us make man, in our image, after our likeness, and let them, so mankind there, let them, have dominion, over the fish of the sea, and over the birds, and over the heavens, and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing, that creeps on the earth, so God created man, in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them, so it's not just man, the way we use that word, it's man as in, human, humankind, so God created man, in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them, and God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion, over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing, that moves on the earth, and God said, behold I have given you, every plant yielding seed, that is on the face of the earth, and every tree with seed, and its fruit, you shall have them for food, and to every beast of the earth, and every bird of the heavens, and everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has breath of life, I have given them, every green plant for food, and it was so, and God saw everything, that he had made, and behold it was very good, and there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day, so God playing out this story, he creates an earth, and then he begins to create, all the things on the earth, and there's suddenly this break, in the way that this is playing out, so it was God said, and then God saw, and it was good, so God said let there be light, and God saw the light, and the light was good, and that's how it plays out, the rest of the time, until we get to verse 26, and then the story kind of breaks up, because it says God said, let us make man in our image, that's the Godhead talking to himself, that's God the Son, God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit, having a discussion about, we're going to make a relational, personal being, and as the pinnacle of creation, God makes humans, and he creates us in his image, so when an artist paints a portrait, the goal of the portrait, is to show what that person was like, what they looked like, and when God made humanity, the purpose, was to show what he's like, so from the very beginning, we see that we were made, by God, with purpose, that we have, we were made by God, and for God, in his image, so that in and of ourselves, we have dignity, and value, and worth, now for Americans, us as Americans, this is massively important, because we believe some things, are just undeniably true, they're true, whether you believe they're true, they're true, whether you think they're true, there are some things, that are just true, we hold certain truths, to be self-evident, I'm going to read this to you, we hold these truths, to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and that they are endowed, by their creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, okay, that's a nice sentence, all men are created equal, and are endowed, with unalienable rights, but here's the question, why? Why? Why are men created equal, why are they endowed with rights, you can't take away from them?
You can't take away from them? Because, for the majority, of human history, and the majority, of humans, that have walked on the earth, that has not been self-evident, that statement right there, has not been believed, what has been believed, is we're more powerful, so we get to do what we want, what has been believed, is people on the other side, of that border, are less than human, what has been believed, is if your skin, looks this color, or that color, mostly just not my color, you're less than human, what has happened,
Is holocaust, and forced slavery, and sex trafficking, throughout the majority, of human history, if you're old, if you're weak, if you're young, if you're small, if you're mentally deformed, if you're a woman, throughout the history, of humanity, we haven't believed that, this is massively important, there's a French philosopher, his name is Jacques Derrida, he's not a Christian, not a God fear, not religious at all, but what it says, it says he looks at human rights, here's what he comes up with, the concept of crime,
Against humanity, is a Christian concept, and I think there would be, no such thing, in the law today, without the Christian heritage, the Abrahamic heritage, the biblical heritage, so do you hear what he's saying, he's saying he's, he's a philosopher, and he's looking at law, and he's saying, there would not be, crimes against humanity, this idea, comes out of Christianity, because we don't see it, showing up other places, and it comes out of, Genesis 1, we were made in the image of God, with worth, with value,
Because we were created, by him, for him, for his purposes, and he's right, you wouldn't see that, you don't see that, showing up other places, outside of this heritage, and we don't believe this, for other things, so in Africa, every day, there's a wild pack of lions, that roams around, and prays on the small, and the weak, and the old, and the sick, eating cute little gazelle, zebras, elephants, not the big elephants, but the small,
Cute ones, just mows them down, doesn't even feel bad, and nobody riots, and nobody protests, and we don't have a hashtag, zebra lives matter, because they're animals, and they're different, than humans, there's a reason, why an animal, can kill an animal, and we're like, that's what animals do, but you can't get mad, at someone, and walk into a Walmart, and hit them in the head, with a shovel, like it's, there's a reason, because humans, have dignity,
And value, and worth, given to us, by our creator, and historically, anytime we get this wrong, historically, anytime we begin to, not believe this, we begin to elevate, animals, or we begin to, lower other types of humans, or all humans, this goes horrendously, wrong, it becomes horrific, we have forced slavery, we have racism, we have genocide, we have holocaust, every time we get this wrong, that we were created, by God,
For his purposes, in his image, so don't, don't lose me there, stick with me there, because you miss, you lose too much, if you miss this, let me, let me show you a few things, that this gives us, automatically, if God is God, and created everything, and made us in his image, here's what this gives us, it gives you the right, to be outraged, over things you should be outraged over, I read an article yesterday, about a tribe in Africa, that when girls turn 10, they take them, away from their families,
They take them, to a remote part of the village, and the older women, in their tribe, teach them, how to please men, and then they are told, when you get done with this, it's called initiation, when you get done with this, go find an older man, and begin having sex, 10 year olds, and that's how you become a woman, and that's what womanhood is, in that culture, and they try to stay away, from western people, because western people, try to come in and say, no no no no no no, this isn't okay, this isn't good for you, this isn't how this should work,
And without, this, we don't have a leg to stand on, without that we were made, in God's image, you actually don't have, any argument, other than a cultural argument, which is this is the way I feel, but when you have this, you have the right to be outraged, you have the right to step in, and say no you can't, you can't just kill people, because they're Jewish, no no you can't, you can't treat girls like that, just because they have no power, in your society, sex trafficking is not okay, we lose this, we lose crime against humanity, if we lose that we were created, in the image of God,
And designed for his good purposes, it also gives you automatically, you have value and worth, just by the nature, of being made in the image of God, you have dignity, value and worth, given to you, granted to you, placed in you, by God, it also gives you purpose, your purpose is going to be, ultimately found in God, satisfied in God, you will find ultimate fulfillment, in God, because you were designed by him, for his purposes, so let me give you, some helpful advice here, it's not work, you're not going to find your purpose, and value in work,
And every time we get that wrong, every time we begin to believe, that if I have this job, or if I'm just this type of person, if I make this amount of money, I'll be fulfilled, I'll be satisfied, doesn't happen, it's not going to be found, in other people's opinions of you, if I could just get people to like me, if everybody around me, knew how wonderful I was, if I could just have other people, like it goes terribly wrong, every time we seek our fulfillment, our value, our purpose in that, it's not going to be found in yourself, you don't exist for your own glory, and joy, and fulfillment, like you're not going to find fulfillment, if you just seek satisfaction,
It's not going to happen, it's a little bit like, let's say, hypothetically, but it doesn't have to be hypothetical, let's say, hypothetically, you invite me over to your house, to eat delicious food, because you found out, I like delicious food, and so you say, something along the lines of, Chet, do you like delicious food, and do you want to come to my house, and eat it, and I say something along the lines of, heck yes I do, and then we high five, let's say you invite me over to your house, you're preparing food, I'm hanging out, and then I look and I go,
No, you painted your walls the wrong color, you're going to think, well that was rude, but maybe, because I preach, I'm kind of a pastor, you'll let me slide on that one, you'll just think, well I didn't know he was a jerk, surprise, and then I say, ah, your coffee table's in the wrong spot, and then I'm like, I'll just, I'll move it, so I just like, start messing with your stuff, I'm like, dude you don't have a DVR, seriously, like eventually, you'd be like,
Hey bro, it's in your house, not your zone, not designed for you, and you would be very correct, and the truth is, every time we walk around on earth, like this was supposed to fill us up, we're just a whiny house guest in God's house, it wasn't designed for our ultimate satisfaction, it wasn't built around us, we are the pinnacle of creation, he pauses and makes us in his image, which gives us dignity and value and worth, we're not the point of creation, and we're ultimately going to find our satisfaction, and our joy in him, and that's actually, what makes romance so compelling, and so harmful, turn with me to Romans chapter 1, that's going to be on page 610, Romans chapter 1, it's going to mirror some of what we just read,
And it's going to help us diagnose, some of the issues that we have, when we begin to approach, gender, sexuality, why us being made in the image of God, created by a creator, who has creator rights over us, and us being made in the image of God, is actually what makes romance and love, so compelling and so harmful, we're going to start in verse 21, for although they knew God, they did not honor him as God, or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened, claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God, for images, resembling mortal man, and birds, and animals,
And creeping things, therefore God gave them up, in the lusts of their hearts, to impurity, to dishonoring of their bodies, among themselves, because they exchanged the truth of God, for a lie, and worshipped, and served the creature, rather than the creator, who is blessed forever, amen, for this reason, God gave them up, to dishonorable passions, and so we'll stop there, it's the end of a sentence, seems good to me, what that just said was, God was designed to be God, and then it says, but we, they,
Swapped out, the creator, for creation, for images, that look like man, that look like birds, that just any kind of created thing, gets put there, and here, here's what happens, basically what it's saying, is that, the translation where it says, they exchanged the truth about God, for a lie, some commentators will say, that actually should be the lie, they exchanged the truth about God, for the lie, which is that, something other than God, can fill us up, something other than God, can be our purpose,
Something other than God, can make us happy, something other than God, can fit in this spot, and that's the lie, ever since Adam and Eve, rebelled in the garden, and messed all of this up, and we followed in their tracks, doing the exact same thing, that's the lie, that something other than God, can take his spot, and here's what happens, when that happens, we begin to worship, and serve created things, so you don't just have, a lazy husband, you have a husband, who's rejected, his God-given design, you don't just have an, and he's begun to believe,
That his comfort, is above all, above all, and that's where ultimate satisfaction, and hope comes from, you don't just have an anxious wife, you have a wife, who's begun to believe, that security, is what will fill her up, that the ability, to control situations, is where ultimate, satisfaction will come, you don't just have, an angry tyrant dad, you have a dad, who's begun to believe, that he deserves, to be worshipped, that he deserves, to be submitted to, that he deserves, to be exalted,
I have a 10 month old son, I don't just have a son, who's learning, how to throw fits, I have a son, who believes, fundamentally, that the world, exists for him, and he can't say those words, but that's what he believes, and he started doing this, like you take something from him, and he does this, and he's like 10 months old, he can't even hold his head up, he's going to fall over, you have to like hold him, but what this is, is dad, I'm so sick of your garbage, right now, like how dare you, like he likes to dance,
So he's holding my phone, and dancing, because he was playing music, and I took it from him, and he just goes, and puts his head down, because that is his, now he touched it, and stuck it in his mouth, so he owns it, and you can't take it from him, because the world exists, to revolve around him, his little heart, believes that, that's how kids learn mine, is one of their first words, we were hanging over, hanging out with our community group, and there was two little kids, Archer had already picked up two coasters, and was walking around, we're pretty sure he hit them, before we left,
So we were like, I hope y'all didn't want all your coasters, to the person who's hosting us, and another like two-year-old girl, comes over, and she takes that from him, and she goes, this is mine, and my wife was like, it's not either of y'all's, you can't just walk into someone's house, and claim things, so my wife pushed her to the ground, I'm just kidding, my wife's in Kid City, so if you have children up there, I'm just kidding, she didn't push me, but I can say whatever I want, because she can't hear me, but that's what happens, we begin to believe, other things will fill us up, and here's,
See what it says in the text, don't, we can't gloss past this, twice, therefore, it's in verse 24, therefore, therefore, God gave them up, in their lusts of their hearts, to impurity, to dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served the creature, rather than the creator, who is blessed forever, amen, for this reason, God gave them up, to dishonorable passions, twice, it says, the outcome of this, the outcome of God being moved from his rightful place,
Is, sexual, that one of the major outcomes, is that romance, and passion, and lust, get elevated, and here's why, we were made in the image of God, and are therefore, the easiest thing to believe, will fill us up, and give us purpose, and give us a reason to live, the easiest thing for you to put in the place of God, is another human, because humans were made in the image of God, they are the second best, so a lot of people, like we place a high value on money, we believe that money will, like money and success, America loves that, but I'll tell you something,
That we also believe, every time someone's house burns down, but their whole family is okay, what do they say, it's helped me realize, what was really important, and we all go, yeah, you're right, people, yes, how could we forget, when we watch movies, sure, we like money, we like success, and if that could be thrown in, that sounds great, but what happens in the movies, the person gives up money, they give up success, to chase after their love, they're willing to go, go for broke,
They're willing to be poor, if they can just have this person, they're willing to quit their job, if it means they can spend time, with their children, because, humans, made in the image of God, are the easiest thing, to replace God with, because they come, so close, to giving us purpose, and filling us up, and giving us value, you're going to be able, to find that more, in your children, than you will be in a job, you're going to be able, to find that more, in chasing after romance, than you'll find it, in other things,
Because humans, are made in the image of God, and therefore, the easiest thing, to swap it out for him, but it becomes very, harmful and destructive, when we do that, and so what it says is, they elevated romance, they elevate passion, they elevate lust, they elevate sexuality, to a place that it shouldn't be in, and here's what happens, let's just take a second, to look at our culture, if we're doing that, if we've replaced God, with romance, with sexuality, with gender, I would expect, that you have a culture,
That looked like ours, we have a three billion, a dollar a year, industry in online dating, three billion a year, that's pretty big, we have a 51 billion dollar, industry, in the marriage industry, the wedding industry, 51 billion dollars, to give you a place for that, I think last year, the NFL had, was a 10 billion dollar, so 51 billion, in the wedding industry, the porn industry, which is really hard, to track Numbers on, because a lot of it's online, a lot of it's under reported, or unreported, but estimates put it,
Somewhere competing with, the NFL, Major League Baseball, NBA, ABC, NBC, CBS, and some of them, are going to say, it's actually more, than the NFL, the NBA, and the MLB combined, or it's more than, ABC, CBS, NBC combined, but it depends, on who's doing the study, and really what we just see, is that that's a major, industry for us, I think, you begin to see,
In our culture, where we just start assuming, yeah you're supposed, to get married, yeah part of your story, is a romance story, absolutely, and if you're not married, there's got to be, something wrong with you, like we begin, to believe that, we begin to say things like, I just want to get married, because I don't want to be alone, like our options, are marriage, or loneliness, because we've begun, to spread this information, you have, your great, your grandmother, every time you see her,
Your great aunt, every time you see her, says, met anybody yet, because we've begun, to believe that value, and worth, come from, another human, come from, a relationship, come from, romance, we've begun to place, value here, we, we would have movies, that say things like, you realize that trying, to keep your distance from me, will not lessen my affection, for you, all efforts to save me, from you will fail,
That's from the fault, in her stars, or I love you, you're my only reason, to stay alive, that's from Twilight, a lot of y'all recognized it, but we have, we have stories, that reinforce this, and we just hear it, and we go, yes, like you, you can't watch Braveheart, without his, his wife dying, that he married in secret, and then she dies, and you're like, absolutely, you want to kill all of England, makes sense, I'm with you,
Let's do it, because these are the stories, we tell, this is what we believe, this is where, so you have a book, movie combo, about an abusive relationship, involving bondage, and dominance, and submission, and masochism, that grosses, 500 million dollars, worldwide, it's one of the most profitable, movies of 2015, in Fifty Shades of Grey, that the song, that comes from that, with Ellie Golding's hit song, that says this, on the edge of paradise, every inch of your skin,
Is a holy grail, I've got to find, only you can set my heart on fire, or Tove Love's song, oh, that's the, touch me like you do, touch, touch me like you do song, the Ellie Golding song, Tove Love's song, that says this, you're gone, you're gone, and I've got to stay high, all the time, to keep you off my mind, which is basically, my sex romance, romance God failed, so I need to turn, to my drug God, to keep my brain, like we,
From One Direction, from every song, the song, I Believe in Miracles, that we sing all the time, one of the lyrics in that song was, I met you yesterday, and now you're in my bed, I believe in miracles, and, it's catchy, but, our culture, has begun to play, so much weight, here, and then I would think, if you see a culture, that's doing this, that's elevated romance, that's elevated sexuality, then you would start having, what we have, with just some serious,
Backlash to it, you'd have really high, divorce rates, you'd hear us saying, things like, she just doesn't meet my needs, he doesn't just, he just doesn't make me, happy anymore, well you need to find, someone who makes you happy, you need to find someone, who completes you, you need to find your soulmate, and we'd all just nod along, yes, correct, a person who can complete me, the one special someone, out there, and if this person, isn't working, if we're having some friction, obviously not the one special someone,
You'd have really high, sexual expectations, all the time, across the board, all you have to do, is look at a magazine rack, to understand that this is, rampant in our culture, have a lot of cynicism, when it comes to romance, and I believe, that you begin to see, what we're seeing, which is the ultimate sin, the unforgivable sin, in our culture, is, not letting someone, be with the person, they want to be with, that's unforgivable, you can't deny someone, the ability to be with someone, they want to be with,
Why, because we've swapped out God, and we've elevated each other, we've elevated romance, we've elevated people, who were made in his image, because we're the easiest thing, to elevate to that spot, and that's what we have, that's what's happening, we have, it's all over the place, and so, what do we do, how does this work, there's a, Danny Akins, a guy who wrote a book, and there's a story, about an anthropologist, that was hanging out, with the Hopi people, and he asked them, he said,
Why are all your songs, about rain, so he'd gotten to know them, they'd gotten to know him, they'd shared culture, back and forth, and so he asked, why all of your songs, are about rain, and the Hopi guy said, because that's life, for us, that's salvation, for us, without rain, we're dead, and then the Hopi guy said, why are all your songs, about romance, that's life, for us, that's salvation, for us, and without romance,
We're dead, would be the answer, so the question left, if we were made, by a creator, in his image, to image him, and to find our ultimate, fulfillment and purpose, in him, and then because of that, because of that, very beautiful truth, we're the easiest thing, to put in his place, so that we've swapped him out, for smaller, broken images, the question is, how does he respond, God, the answer, is that God, came to earth,
In the person of Jesus, to live out perfectly, what we should have done, that actually, Colossians is going to say, he is the image, of the invisible God, so we were made, in the image of God, but he is the image of God, so Jesus comes, and lives perfectly, what it means to be human, and what it means, for us to relate to God, that's what Christ was doing, and you know, what he didn't do, he didn't get married, he didn't have a relationship, he didn't have sex, he didn't chase romance, and this baffles us, to the point,
That we have things, like the Da Vinci Code, and movies, like the last temptation, of Christ, because obviously, he had to have, a secret romance, because otherwise, how would he be fulfilled, how would he be a person, it's got to be fake, if he doesn't, but no, he comes and lives, and he shows, that there's value, in being celibate, there's value, that romance isn't God, and then he lives, perfectly on our behalf, and swaps himself, out for us,
This is God's response, to us, swapping him out, we're going to read, 2nd Corinthians 521, we'll show it on the screen, for our sake, he made him, that's God made Jesus, we read this a lot, but God made Jesus, to be sin for us, to be sin, who knew no sin, so that in him, we might, become the righteousness, of God, God made Jesus, to be sin, so that in him, we could become, the righteousness of God, that's God's response,
That the perfect image, of God, when we swapped God out, for broken smaller images, that the perfect image, of God, would swap himself, out for us, and what we tried, to receive, what we ultimately, chased after, when we swapped him out, was brokenness, harm, sin, death, destruction, and you know, when Jesus, swapped himself out for us, you know what he took, brokenness, harm,
Sin, death, and destruction, that's what he took, on himself, when he went to the cross, was our brokenness, our pain, our sin, our death, our destruction, so that, he could give us back, what we had exchanged, the first time, so that he could give us back, God, a real relationship, with God, and the ability, to enter into a relationship, through faith, and have our purposes, re-fulfilled,
That's what Jesus, did for us, we were made, in the image of God, and therefore, we're the easiest thing, to swap out for him, and then Jesus, as the image of God, swapped himself, back out for us, to reverse what we had done, so that we could be, welcomed back in, now, next week, we start saying, some offensive things, next week, God gets aggressive, when it comes to, how we view sexuality, romance, hopefully he's already started,
To help us see, where we're off, but if we miss this, if we miss, that we were made, in the image of God, if we miss, that God loves us, so much, that he invites us, into a bigger, more true love story, one of the reasons, that romance, love, finds resonance, in our soul, is that, the true story, of history, of humanity, is a beautiful love story, where Jesus, overcomes the odds,
To rescue his people, that's one of the reasons, we love that story, because that's what, Jesus did for us, in the cross, overcame all the odds, to bring us back, even when we were separated, separated, by massive separation, if we miss this, that you have a God, who created you, and therefore has creator rights, over you, therefore has a design, and you miss, that he loves you so much, that in the midst, of our rebellion, and brokenness, he was unwilling, to let us go,
But came to rescue us, if you miss both, of those things, the rest of it, will only seem, restrictive, will only seem, like it traps us, will only seem, oppressive, the rest of his design, for human sexuality, can only be seen, but when we know, that he has a design for us, and that he loves us, it sets us free, to follow him, so we're not afraid, to say the offensive things, we're going to say, but it mostly, we want to be helpful, and if you don't get,
That you were made, in the image of God, and have worth, and value, and dignity, and that Jesus loved you, so much to rescue you, you're going to miss, everything else, the band's going, to come back up, God I pray, that you would work, in us, to give us the grace, to follow you, give us the faith, to trust you, when you say things, to us, that we disagree with, help us to see, that you're the creator, and therefore have a,
Vantage point we don't have, and help us to see, that you love us, so much in the cross, that you're willing, to die to rescue us, that you are ultimately, trustworthy, with our lives, and with everything, God I pray, that you'd help all of us, to submit, our masculinity, our femininity, and our sexuality, to you, for your glory, as we follow after you, in Jesus name, amen, amen, amen, amen,
Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen,
Done With Sin
1 Peter 4:1-6
Transcript
Good morning. We're going to be in 1 Peter chapter 4. If your Bible looks like this, we'll be on page 658. There should be one of these near you where you're seated. If someone else tries to grab it first, smack their hand, take it from them. If you don't own a Bible, you do now, you can take this one with you.
It's our gift to you. So we're going to be on 658. We'll be in 1 Peter chapter 4. I was outside yesterday working on a fence and my neighbor came out and started talking to me. His name is Mr. Kirchdoffer and he is 80-something, mid-80s.
He's about this tall, real stocky. And I was watching him cut his grass the other day and I just couldn't help but think that I need to start exercising more because he might be in better shape than I am in. And I was just like really disappointed in myself because he's like 85 and you wouldn't know it. He like goes out dancing and stuff. But he's really cool.
He was in World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. So he was in all three of those conflicts. He was what was Bomb Disposal in World War II. It's an EOD now. They changed their name. So what he did was bombs would land places or be put places and he would go take them apart.
And he did this for three wars. He was very good at his job. You don't stay in EOD long if you're not good at it. And so he said he was working on it one time and there was a soldier standing next to him kind of like guarding him while he had to work on the bomb. And he said the soldier was standing there and kind of watching him, standing there kind of watching him. And the soldier looked at him and said, what do we do if that goes off?
Mr. Kirstoffer said, I just busted out laughing. There's only one thing you do if this goes off and you won't know it. There's one option. I do this well or it's been nice knowing you. And so he – so I was talking to him yesterday and what I asked him was I said, hey, November 11th is coming up and I think that's Veterans Day.
And I said I think it used to be VE Day or Victory in Europe Day. And he said, I don't know. They move all that stuff around, he said. And I said, but I think it was Victory in Europe Day. He goes, yeah, I never really remembered that. He said because he was in Europe.
And he goes, but when Victory in Europe Day came, I was on a boat headed to Okinawa. So he was in Europe for a while until it started looking good. Then they sent him to the Pacific. And so he did both sides of stuff in World War II. And I said, but I said, not many people know somebody. And I don't think our neighbors know that you were in three foreign conflicts, what you have done to serve our country.
And I was just wondering if it would be okay with you. And that's why I wanted to ask you if maybe I let our neighbors know and we tried to do something just to kind of celebrate, appreciate you, honor you. And he was like, no, don't want to do that. And I was like, okay, that's why I asked. He said, I'm the type of person that really embarrasses more than anything. And I didn't really do anything.
He said, we buried so many guys over there. What I offered and what I sacrificed really wasn't that much. And on most of those kind of days, I go down to the VFW and we actually are going to be packaging up some meals and taking them to other people. And so there's just something about, and I think specifically veterans of World War II because of how massively destructive that war was. There's just something about those guys that if you talk to them, they'll tell you, I didn't really do much. I don't really deserve much praise.
I don't really deserve much honor. And there's just something that happens with the guys that have gone to war that it changed their thinking forever about their freedom. It changed their thinking forever about how beautiful America is and how much we were offered opportunity. If you talk to some of those World War II veterans, they just have this. It was imprinted on them forever and affected forever their thinking and the way they live because they have seen how costly it was and how evil tyranny can be. And what Peter's going to, what we're going to see that he says today that he wrote, we're going to see that he's going to say that it's a very similar situation for Christians.
That there's something that should have drastically changed our thinking, should have impacted us so deeply that we can't view the world the same way. We can't approach life the same way, that we have so clearly seen the cost of our sins, so clearly seen the weight of it, that we're different forever. And so we're going to be starting chapter four. We're going to look at the first six verses today. Again, it's on page 658. I'm going to pray and then we'll hop in.
God, we thank you that we have hope and salvation and freedom and joy given to us through the cross. We thank you that you suffered so that we wouldn't have to, that you took on pain so that we wouldn't have to. And God, we ask that you would speak through your word today to us as we study it together. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Okay, chapter four, verse one.
Peter's writing, he says, Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking. For whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh, no longer for human passions, but for the will of God. Okay, so if you're familiar kind of with the New Testament, Paul writes a lot of letters, and when he uses the word flesh, he kind of means our sinfulness, our sinful nature. Peter, when he's using the word flesh, he means your physical body. It is not deep. He means flesh.
He's really shooting at our ankles here when he uses the word. So what he is saying when he says, since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, he means physically, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking. For whoever has suffered in the flesh physically has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of time in the flesh, just your human life, no longer for human passions, but for the will of God. And so what he says is that as Christians we have two options, or that everybody has two options on how they're going to live. They can live for human passions or the will of God. Those are your two options.
You're either going to live for your own will, for your own desires, for your own passions, for your own, this is what I think, this is what I think is smart, this is what I want to do, this is how I think life ought to be, this is what I get joy out of, this is what I'm chasing after, or you're going to submit that to the will of God. You're going to live for your will or his, your passions or his. Those are the two options. When he uses the word passion, he doesn't just mean the way we use the word passion, like I'm really passionate about saving orphaned puppies. That's not what he means. He means our inordinate sinful desires, like our passions that are either for sinful things or just that are too big, that we took something that was good and began to care about it too much.
And so, for example, we can do this with really anything, work. We take something that's good, work, God gave us work, and we begin to say, you're where my identity is, you're where my hope is, you're where my freedom will be found, you're where my joy will be found. If I can just make this work out, if I can just make enough money here, if I can just be well-known enough here, if I can just go to work over and over again, I'll prove myself, I'll have joy. If I can just reach this promotion, then I'll be full, then I'll be free. And we've taken something that was good and started expecting too much from it.
Isaiah says, or Jeremiah says that this is like coming to a well that is dry and lowering a bucket and bringing the bucket back up, and there's nothing in the bucket. And so, we lower the bucket again. And we bring the bucket back up. And there's nothing in the bucket. So we lower the bucket again.
But that's what this is like. It's us coming to a dry well and over and over and over again thinking, this time, it's going to have water in it. This time, it's going to give me life. This time, it's going to fill me up. And we do this with everything. So we do it with work, we do it with alcohol, we do it with sex, we do it with food, we do it with relationships.
This will be the boyfriend. Ho-ho, buddy. I'm going to give him a second chance. We do it with everything. We come back to the well over and over and over and over again, and we keep pulling it up empty, and we keep believing, we keep lying to ourselves that eventually this will fill me up, eventually this will give me life, eventually this will give me joy. And what Peter is saying is that because Jesus suffered, you now have an option.
Before Jesus, you didn't have an option. You're on your own, do your thing. But because Jesus suffered, we now have an option. We can live continually chasing after something that won't fill us up, or we can spend the rest of our lives living for the will of God. And so basically what he's going to say as we study it this week and next week is that the way we live for the will of God is to actually turn away from this, turn away from chasing everything that we can possibly chase to try to fill ourselves up, and turning to following him. So we turn away from that, and we turn to Jesus, we turn to our church family, we turn to what it looks like to walk in the Spirit.
And so that's how he's going to kind of unpack this. We're going to spend most of our time today looking at the turning away from, and actually how we can do that, and why we would do that. So let's go back up to the top, and let's look at how he's going to say we actually accomplished this. Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh. So when he says therefore, you have to look at and know that he's, why is it, what is it therefore?
That's kind of what you ask when you read the word therefore in Scripture. You've got to see what came before it. What he's saying is because Jesus, what he's been talking about was Jesus who was righteous died for the unrighteous. Jesus who was good and holy and pure died to save all of us who weren't, who didn't deserve it, couldn't accomplish it. So he's saying because Jesus suffered, was nailed to a tree, bled, died, since that is true, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking.
Arm yourselves with the same way of thinking. And so what he's saying is look to Jesus, look at how he approached the world, and think the same way. Arm yourselves with the same way of thinking. So when we look to Jesus, what we see very clearly is he was going to live for the will of God, regardless of what it cost him. And he had his face set on the cross. He knew that was what was coming.
He knew that was the penalty for sin. And he was eyes set on the cross. And so what he's saying is that we as Christians get to arm ourselves with the cross, with the gospel. We get to put that in our brains. And so arming yourself, it's kind of like when you wake up in the morning and you have a routine you go through before you're going to hit the day. Some people, you bathe the night before.
Some people bathe in the morning. You're going to put some stuff in your hair. I do this. But other people put stuff in their hair. You're going to put on some deodorant. You're going to...
What he's saying is in that process, one of the things that we do is we arm ourselves with this. We should care about the cross and have it so set in our minds that we should care about it as much as we care about our cell phone. You ever walk out of your house without your cell phone? You ever get in your car without your cell phone? And you're riding and all of a sudden you're like, I don't have my cell phone. And immediately you think, what if something happens?
And then you think, what if I get somewhere boring? That would be even worse. Like at first you think, what if there's like a situation? And second you're like, what will I do without Candy Crush? This is a real thing that I do and have done on a regular basis. I'm walking out of the house and I always do like a pocket check to like make sure I've got all my stuff.
So like usually like a pack of gum, my keys and my cell phone. I'll be on the phone talking to someone. I'll be closing my door and I'll be like... And I'll tell the person, hold on a second. Because I'm thinking, my cell phone's not in my pocket. And I'm going, where's my cell phone?
On multiple occasions. I'm not very smart. And then I'll say, and they'll go, what? And I'll go, oh, never mind. I'm good. I was holding it to my face.
It wasn't in my pockets. But you know how you feel? And so that's what he's saying. Arm yourselves with this. Like you should feel lost if we as Christians aren't armed with it. But he actually uses...
It's a violent term. So most of us don't carry weapons all the time. Some of us do. Welcome. Most of us don't carry weapons all of the time. Some of us carry them some of the time.
I think most of us can relate more to the cell phone thing. But he's actually using a violent term. He says, arm yourself with this. That actually when the chips hit the fan... Chips hit the fan. That's a weird game of poker.
When the feces and fan interface... How about that? When it all goes down, what do you reach for? What are you going back to? What are you defending yourself with? What are you armed with?
How are you protecting yourself? And he's saying, arm yourself with it. And what he's hinting us to... What he's cuing us in on is something that he already said earlier. He said it in... It's going to be on the screen.
He said it in chapter 2, verse 11. And... Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh which wage war against your soul. So what we talked about when we studied that was that some of us are being absolutely destroyed by our own passions and our own sinfulness because we don't know that they're at war with us. And the only reason you wage war is to destroy us, to murder, or to enslave. And that's what our sinful passions are doing.
And as he goes through this list in a minute, he's going to talk about some of these sinful passions. He's going to mention things like sensuality, which is our desire to just fill up our senses. Our desire to specifically with sexual sin. To just feel good. He's going to talk about drunkenness. And really, you can see in those two sins specifically how they enslave.
They wage war against our soul and they enslave. It becomes the reason you wake up in the morning, the reason you go to work, the reason you want to earn a paycheck, the reason you want to hit the gym, the reason you want to, is just to pursue sexual sensuality. The reason you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the reason you use those apps that you use, the reason that you log on to the internet, is just to pursue that. And eventually, that becomes the main thing that drives your decision making. Same thing with alcohol. Now there's an appropriate way to approach sex inside the confines of marriage, and there's an appropriate way to approach alcohol.
But drunkenness is what he's going to mention. And I have seen it. And know that it starts off nice and then can absolutely enslave somebody. I've known a person that it began as, this is why they went to work, and then it became why they didn't go to work, and then it became why they did everything they did, and they've gotten down to drinking rubbing alcohol because it was the cheapest, best way to get drunk fast. It was all they could afford. And it enslaves us, and it wages war against us, and for the most part, we aren't even paying attention to it.
We aren't arming ourselves. And so what he says is, arm yourselves with the cross. And so here's what we do as Christians. We have our mind so protected and defended and set with the truth that Jesus suffered. And this is the main point of what we're talking about today. Jesus suffered and died so that you can be done with sin.
Jesus suffered and died so that we can be forever done with sin. See, he died so that we wouldn't have to be condemned because of our sin. We wouldn't have to pay the penalty of our sin. He died so that he could take the penalty, so that he could take the pain, so that he could take the destruction, the shame, the guilt. He died to forever remove that from us. He also died so that sin would no longer have to control us, have to enslave us, have to rule over us, have to murder us slowly.
He was murdered so that sin couldn't have that power over us anymore. And he also died so that one day we can all be welcomed to him. We can enter into his throne room where we will be judged, and we will be welcomed because the righteous died for the unrighteous, and we will spend eternity where there is no sin. Jesus died so that we could forever be done with sin. He suffered so that we could be done with sin. And as Christians, we are to arm ourselves with that truth.
That's what he says in chapter 2, verse 24. It's going to be on the screen as well. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds, you have been healed. Jesus suffered and died so that we could be done with sin, so that we could look at sin. We could look at our passions.
We could look at these things, and we could say, I no longer believe the lie that this will fill me up. I no longer have to be enslaved to the idea that work or a relationship or future married version of me will be perfect and happy and fulfilled. I no longer have to believe that nonsense. Jesus died so that I would no longer put something in his place, and he died so that I would no longer chase after cheap thrills that lie to me over and over again. He died so I could quit coming to empty well after empty well after empty well. He died so that I could be done with sin.
By his wounds, I have been set free. I have been healed, and I can follow after him in joy and peace. That's how we arm ourselves, so that we look at sin and say, Jesus suffered for this. He was crushed for this. How could I continue to pursue it? How could I continue to love this?
How could I walk in my sin and arrogantly say, well, it's okay for me to do this, or I know the Bible says that, but I'm just going to keep rocking up in this. I'm going to keep walking in this and act as if I don't understand that Jesus suffered to set me free. That we are to arm ourselves with the gospel and that our motivation is to be the gospel, and that's actually how we'll turn away from sin. We'll actually be able to turn away from sin because we're armed with the gospel, and so here's what he says. Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin.
So as to live for the rest of time in the flesh, no longer for human passions, but for the will of God. So the section where he says, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. I think he's paralleling Jesus' suffering that sets us free from sin and how as a Christian, when we suffer for doing good, when we suffer for righteousness, suffer physically, mentally, emotionally to follow after Jesus, it actually only further breaks sin's hold in our life. That actually, as Christians, when we suffer for doing what's right, it actually makes Jesus more beautiful, makes salvation more sweet, and sin more bitter.
It's just the way it works. So he's saying that as you suffer to follow, it actually begins to break sin hold on you. It actually helps you cease from sinning, so as to live for the rest of time in the flesh, no longer for human passions, but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices, which just means it's enough, suffices for doing what the Gentiles, and when Peter uses that word, he just means people who don't know Jesus. He's assuming there's a difference in the thought process between Christians and people who aren't Christians. He's correct.
For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. For the time that has passed suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. Now, I love that that's in this letter. Because Peter's writing to the church, and you know what his assumption is? The church is made up of the righteous, of the unrighteous, that have trusted in Jesus the righteous to pay for their sins. So he's writing to the people.
Read that list again. Sensuality, which would be pursuing all things that gratify our senses, specifically sexual in nature. Passions, which is just our inordinate desires for anything that is above God. Drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. So drunkenness, which is getting drunk.
And then he includes drinking parties, which is getting drunk with friends. And lawless idolatry. And how many of us as Christians that describes college, that describes high school, that describes the past 15 years of your life. He's writing to the church and saying, I know who's here. I know it's the unrighteous who've been saved by the one who is righteous. And here's what he's saying.
That's enough. All the time that's in the past has sufficed. You don't ever have to go back to that again. Those empty wells, you don't have to return to them anymore. You can be free from that. If you're here today and that's what you're walking in, that's your life.
That's a good description. of your weekends. Welcome. We've got a lot of church family that that was a good description of their weekends and who have been rescued by Jesus and set free from those empty wells. I love that Peter includes that. And here's what he's saying. You're free.
That's enough of that. That doesn't have to be how your life looks anymore. The time that has passed sufficed. That's enough. Meaning you never have to return to that again. You can put it down because Jesus suffered for sin and you can arm yourself with the gospel because you've been set free.
Jesus suffered so that you can be done with sin. You can absolutely put it down and walk away. The time that has passed suffices. That's enough. And some of you today, that's exactly what you need to hear. That's enough.
As you walk with Jesus, that's enough. Yesterday, sufficed. You've had enough of it. You've gone to that empty well. Enough. It has promised you things that it would never fulfill.
It has promised you. It has lied to you. It has told you that the next time would be better. And that's enough. You can be set free. You can walk in freedom because Jesus suffered to set you free.
As I was thinking about this last week, I had this picture in my brain. And here's what I think this is for us as Christians when we follow after this. There was a couple and they were married, had been married a while, had tried to have children but couldn't. But they had a lot of joy with each other, had a lot of fun. Just one of those couples that when you hung out with them, they made you feel happy. They made you feel good just kind of being around.
They were also the type of couple that when they ate near you in a restaurant, they made you feel sad because they were obviously having more fun than you were. So it's that kind of couple. If you knew them, they made you happy. If you just saw them, you were like, all right. They were that. They had a lot of joy together.
They were real gracious to each other and they prayed about it and decided that they wanted to adopt a child. They felt like there was a good response as Christians to how God had adopted us and so they went through kind of the foster system and were able to adopt a child. And they got a nine-year-old boy, but he was nine, but he had matured quickly. He was keen. He was sharp because he had gone through some group homes and some orphanages and some foster care and he was kind of cold, kind of rough a little bit, kind of withdrawn a little bit and he had had to, throughout his life, eke out his own existence.
If he was going to have anything, he had to get it himself. If he was going to have anything that he owned, he was going to have to steal it. He was going to have to hide it. He was going to have to fight for it because of how his life had been and on multiple, multiple occasions, he had just had the rug pulled out from under him. Every time he had gotten in a situation that he thought was going to work, he thought was going to fulfill him, this was finally going to be the family, this was finally going to be it, he was going to have the happy ending, it had just been jerked out from under him.
And so they get a nine-year-old boy who is mentally much older than nine, emotionally much colder than any nine-year-old should be. They go through all the process and he's fully adopted. He's theirs. Changed his last name, he is forever theirs. And over time though, they begin to realize that things just, more food is missing than he actually probably eats. And things around the house just turn up missing every once in a while and when they have to correct him or discipline him, he just shuts down.
They can tell that he's living in fear that at some point this rug is going to get pulled out from under him and that he's consistently living in the belief that he's got to still eke out his own existence. They go to his room and sure enough, he's been hiding food, things that he thought wouldn't spoil, some things that he didn't know would spoil. His room doesn't smell so great. They find dinner rolls that have turned really hard, pieces of cheese. Pop-Tarts. He got a lot of Pop-Tarts in there.
And they sit him down and they explain to him, you don't have to live like this anymore. You don't have to steal things for you to have something. You don't have to swipe food off the table. You don't have to live in fear that the rug is going to be pulled out from under you. You don't have to consistently believe that you're going to have to fix your own situation, your hours, and your forever hours, and everything in this house belongs to you and we are not going to withhold any good thing from you. We're going to look out for your joy.
We're going to lead. We're going to discipline. But we're not going to withhold anything that actually will bring joy and life and hope to you. You don't have to steal food. You don't have to save money up on the off chance that we're going to kick you out. And the truth is, as Christians, as we consistently run back to those sins, we've been adopted, but we're still living like we're orphans.
We're still trying to steal from the table because we believe that God isn't going to give us what we need. We're going to continue to believe the lie that if we had a spouse, we'd be happier. Or if we didn't have this spouse, we'd be happier because we have a God who obviously isn't going to take care of our needs, who obviously is at some point going to jerk the rug out from us. We believe that when we sin, that's it, He might just get rid of us. And what Peter's saying is, you can actually put all of that down because you have a good Father and you've been forever adopted because Jesus already suffered for and paid for your sin.
Everything that needed to happen has already happened and you've been welcomed in. And that you no longer have to live like your life and your joy and your hope is up to you. And you no longer have to live like you're going to be the one who has to accomplish everything. You're free. You see, when we as Christians run back to the same old sins, what Peter's doing is the same thing that that family did where they sat him down and said, you don't have to do that anymore. We're not going to withhold anything from you.
And you don't have to try to steal it. We're going to provide everything and everything's already been accomplished to make you ours forever. So what he's not saying is get it together, prove yourself, do these things. It's not a list of house rules so that we can stay in the house. It's not what it is. It's not a do these things and then God will love you.
What it is, is absolutely Jesus Christ already suffered to set you free. How much more will he bless us and give us all things? How much more will he provide for us? How much more can he take care of us? And how on earth can we run back to and live as if we haven't been rescued, as if we haven't been redeemed, as if this honestly still holds promise for us because it does not. Our inheritance is forever held in Jesus.
Our hope is forever in Jesus. Our life and our joy is forever in Jesus. How on earth could we continue to walk in these things? All of the past up to yesterday suffices. You're free. That's what Peter's saying.
And then he says this, With respect to this, they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery and they malign you. But they will give an account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. Basically what he says is, After you've been welcomed into the family, your behavior changes. After Jesus has paid for your sin, your behavior changes because your heart changes. And your friends who haven't been welcomed in, who haven't been rescued, think you're weird. And they make fun of you.
That's what he says. You don't join in anymore chasing after the same things and they go, Really? You're a Christian now? So you can be good now? Really, you're a Christian now so you don't know how to party anymore? Oh, really, you're a Christian now so you've forgotten how to have fun?
And they're absolutely confused but you have the hardest time explaining to them, It's not that. I know how to have fun. I'm not trying to be good to prove anything. I don't have anything to earn. I've been set free and I don't have to chase after this stuff anymore. It doesn't hold the same promises for me anymore.
And that's all he's saying is that your friends, after you become a Christian, sometimes, will tell you you're not fun anymore or that you've become a prude or that you're lame because they really don't understand what it's like to be adopted and welcomed into the family. And then he says, But they will give an account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead for this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead and this is confusing but it's actually not. It's just the way he says it. That though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does.
So what he's saying is, again, in the flesh, he just means physically and when he says, this is why the gospel was preached even to those who were dead, what he doesn't mean is like they went to a graveyard and what he doesn't mean is that some spirit realm stuff. What he's saying is, this is why the gospel was preached to people who became Christians and then died. The word dead there, they have a couple different words for dead which we don't so that would be helpful but this one just means corpse. People who were preached to and are now physically dead. What he's saying is this, the gospel says you're going to be given life and you're going to be given eternal life but it doesn't mean Highlander which is one of the greatest movies the world has ever known.
What it doesn't mean is that you will become immortal and live forever. Peter's not still walking around waiting for someone to like cut off his head like whichever one how it would work anyway because it wouldn't even be Highlander. You wouldn't be able to die. What he's saying is, it's not that. We are all going to be judged in the flesh physically the way people are. We are all going to die because of our sin but because of Jesus we can actually have life eternally in the spirit the way God does.
We can live eternally after death. So what he's saying is this is why the gospel was preached to people who became Christians and then still got cancer. Who became Christians and then still had an accident who became Christians and then still got really, really old and took their last breath. This is why the gospel was preached to everyone because our hope isn't that we'll live life eternally here but that our hope is that we'll live life eternally with God the way that God lives. That's what he's saying. That we'll be made alive forever because Jesus paid the penalty for our sin.
That we'll all be judged. Every single one of us will give an account. Think about that for a second. How many of you would like to go to your mother and give an account for your life? How many of you would like to go to your spouse and give an account for your life? How many of you would like to stand up here and give an account?
My guess is one of you and you need to repent of your self-righteousness. You need Jesus. All of us will stand before the King and our life will be laid bare. Every intention of our heart, every reason we did a good thing just so someone could see how good we are. You ever been in the middle of doing something good and thought, man, I'm awesome. Do you know how messed up that is?
Look at how good a husband I'm being right now. I bet people can see it. Let me smile real good. Look at my wife like this. I do that mess all the time. I'm way nicer when people are watching me.
And we're going to lay our intentions bare. We're going to lay our hearts out before God and here's what's going to happen. He's going to judge all of those right now who are alive and He's going to judge all of those who in the past have died and everything's going to be laid bare and we're going to give an account. And the one thing that is going to matter is who's going to pay for your sin? Who's going to suffer for your rebellion? Either you or Jesus.
Either He's going to die so that you can be made alive or you are going to be forever destroyed for consistent rebellion against the Holy God. Those are the two options and here's what's true for Christians and for everyone who will place faith in Jesus. He's already paid the penalty. He's already suffered. He's already died so that we can be done with sin. So that we can stand before God and our sin as it is laid bare only proclaims how beautiful the gospel is.
Only proclaims how good Jesus is. Our sin as it is tallied up as it is read before the King only works to provide proof that Jesus is glorious and He is good and He is a Savior and He is righteous and He died for the unrighteous. When they roll out my account all I will be able to do is praise Jesus that I don't have to stand condemned for my sins because He stood condemned for my sins. I can arm myself now with the cross because later it is the only defense I will have is that my sin has already been paid for. My debt has already been paid and I can be set free from the penalty and the condemnation and I can right now walk in life no longer going to an empty well after empty well but I can be free to know that my hope and my foundation and my identity is secured because everything has already been done on my behalf to welcome me into the family and I no longer have to steal from the table and I no longer have to eke out my own existence but that I can put on the cross and I know that one day when I stand before the righteous judge it is the only thing I'll put forward.
That's what Peter is saying. That we can be made alive because Jesus was murdered. That we can be set free from sin because he suffered for it and that one day we can stand before the judge and know that's the only thing we put forward. Absolutely I deserve to be destroyed but Jesus the righteous died for the unrighteous and he swapped places with me. The band's going to come back up and we're going to praise God. We're going to make much of Jesus that we get to be set free from sin and some of you in here today are not Christians and that passage rightly describes the goal of your life.
Some of you aren't Christians but the goal of your life has been to prove to everyone how good you are. To prove to everyone how much you can behave. That you will one day believe that you will stand before the righteous king and you'll say look at how good I've been look at how much I've served look at how nice I've been and you will be declared guilty. I'm begging you to place your faith in Jesus. To arm yourself with the fact that Jesus suffered for you and have that be your defense and that be your shield and that be your hope and to no longer run back to the things that lie to you. There's some people here who are Christians but you keep going back to the empty wells.
Yesterday sufficed. Because Jesus has died on your behalf sin no longer has to enslave you. You have a new king who already went to war on your behalf so that your passions no longer have to wage war against your soul. And today is a beautiful day to repent and to trust once again fully and forever in Jesus and to say I no longer want to believe that this will fill me up and I no longer want to believe that my hope will be found here and I no longer want to place my joy and my identity in popularity and I no longer want to place my joy and my identity in the future married version of me or the future unmarried version of me.
And I no longer want to place my joy and my identity in a relationship and I no longer want to place my joy and my identity in work. I want to live the rest of my life for your will and I need your help and I need the cross. I'd invite you to begin praying that right now. Jesus, I need your help and I need the cross. Let's pray.
God, we need your help and we need the cross and we thank you that because you suffered we can be made alive. And we thank you that because you suffered we can live our lives for your glory and for your name and for your will that we've been welcomed into your house where all good things are provided and we no longer have to run back to the empty things that lie to us. And God, we praise you for your goodness and for the joy that you've set before us through the cross and through the gospel. And God, I ask that your Holy Spirit would help Christians to repent and to quit believing lies. God, I pray that you would help them to see right now so clearly how empty the well is and how full you are.
And God, I pray that for those who haven't actually placed their faith in you that you would grab them and you would adopt them and you would change their name and you would make them yours. In Jesus' name, Amen. I want to invite you guys to stand and sing with us. In light of what we've just read and what we've just talked about, if you need to spend some time just praying and repenting, I would invite you to do that. And if you, once you repent of your sin, you get to praise Jesus and sing because you've been made alive in Him that all Christians get to celebrate that and that's what we're going to sing.
A Wife's Hope
1 Peter 3:1-6
Transcript
We're going to be talking about marriage for the next two weeks. So we're talking, we're walking verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter, and he's just now gotten to where he's talking specifically into situations. So what he's done in the first chapter, chapter and a half, he said, this is the gospel. This is what Jesus has done, and this is how it, in a cosmic way, impacts your life. And then he's kind of made a turn and started to say, in individual situations, in this relationship, and how you work here, how you function here, this is how this message of the gospel, the truth of the resurrection, the certainty of your inheritance, the certainty of your hope applies in these specific situations.
And so we've just called the whole series Misfits. Basically, he's writing to who he calls strangers and exiles and saying, because this is true, you won't fit into your culture. And so we just have entitled this Misfit Marriage for two weeks. We're going to look at what Peter says about marriage, and it doesn't really fit well in our culture, but it is derived from what he's already said about the gospel and who Jesus is and where our hope is and where our inheritance is. And so we're going to get to talk about marriage. The thing about marriage is that it is really difficult.
It's just hard. Marriage is hard in general, and our culture doesn't have a good handle on marriage. It's not one of our strong suits in America. Marriage isn't. And we're even just kind of confused on it. So I'll give you an example of that.
If you're watching a movie and the people start off not married, a lot of the time the resolution to the movie, the big end goal is that they get married. That's the magic moment. They ride off into the sunset. Everything's perfect. They meet at the top of that tower because he couldn't sleep when he was in Seattle. They get married.
There's just this, all of these things, and then it just comes together, and they get married, and everything works out, and that's the big dream moment. If the movie starts off with them married, the marriage is the problem. They don't get along. There's another person that comes in that would fix this. They're not really in love anymore. So start off not married, marriage fixes it.
Start off married, marriage is the problem. We're kind of confused on this. And so one of the things I get to do that I really enjoy about being a pastor is I get to do premarital counseling with some of the couples. If I'm going to be performing their wedding, I get to do premarital counseling and try our best to help them. The problem with people who have not been married is that they don't listen very well. Like you're saying really helpful true things, and it just like doesn't make it past the cloud of smoky love that floats around their head.
Like it just, they are not listening. And I know this for a fact because I will say some of the same stuff to the same people six months after they've been married, and they'll say, man, that's really helpful. And it's like we already talked about this. You just didn't hear it. And whenever I do perform a wedding, I always write it out word for word because people remember forever what you said at their wedding. And so I write it out word for word, and I read it, and I always read it to Anna beforehand, and she will say, no, you cannot say that at a wedding.
One of the things I often want to include is this. I want to start weddings off. Most all weddings, I want to start off like this. This wedding, this marriage, this marriage is perfectly set up for there to be a life of joy and happiness. The only problem is this sinner here and this sinner here. Otherwise, this marriage would be great.
And every time Anna's like, you can't start a wedding like that, people don't want to hear that. And it's true, though. And the reason she says that is because she's a sinner. That is true, though. That's the problem with marriages is that we're sinners. We're busted.
We're messed up, and we need help. And we need God to speak into this. We need him to step in and say, this is what you need. This is what you need to hear. This is how to walk through this tough situation. This is how this ought to work, as I have laid it out, as I have designed it.
And so graciously and thankfully he does. Now, he doesn't always say what we want him to say. But honestly, that kind of points to the fact that he is real and that he's not an American. He actually is above all culture and all time and is speaking into it. And so just the fact that what he says immediately hits our ears and makes us a little uncomfortable or a little defensive actually kind of proves some of the validity of his existence and that he doesn't just fit into what we want him to say. Okay, so what we're going to look at today specifically is what Peter addresses to wives, and he's going to talk about being submissive to your husband.
So immediately, I know we all got super excited. Well, half of the people that are married did. And I just have a few things that we've got to kind of get in our brains before we get into this. Now, luckily for us, we've been going verse by verse through 1 Peter, which makes us cover topics we probably wouldn't otherwise. So two weeks ago, we got to talk about submitting to the government, which all Americans love.
It's one of our favorite sermons. It's preached often on the 4th of July. Here's how we should still have a king. So submitting to governments. Then we got to talk about suffering, another perennial favorite of Americans.
We love suffering. It's one of our favorites. Now we're talking about wives submitting to their husbands. And next week, what we're going to do, just to save some time, is we're just going to form a line and poke everybody in the eye and send you home. It's just been several weeks of tough stuff that's in Scripture. But what we're going to do is we're going to study this today.
A couple of things before we get into the text. Husbands. Next week, we will be talking to husbands. So lead your family well and be here. But we'll be talking directly to husbands.
Don't say amen today. Just graciously listen. Listen. Don't elbow your wife. You can act like you're asleep in certain sections if that is helpful to you. No.
Pay attention. Be a part. But don't try to be the Holy Spirit. If there are issues in this or areas where the Holy Spirit needs to speak, you just listen graciously. Wives, do the same thing next week. Single ladies.
I think there are two really helpful ways that you can listen to this sermon and two reasons why you would want to. One, what is asked of you in Scripture in marriage is very difficult. So, our hope for you at Mill City Church, there are single ladies in our church who are going to get married. There are single ladies in our church who are not going to get married. And that's a perfectly fine way to live your life. It is a perfectly good and godly biblical response to following Jesus.
You don't level up if you get married. You don't become a complete person if you get married. Married couples. Quit insinuating that. You didn't level up. You didn't become complete.
Quit acting like every single lady has to get married. She does not. Some of you aren't going to get married and that's okay. But some of you are. And in our culture, the higher percentage of you are. And here's our goal.
That you would understand what is asked of you in marriage so that you will not, you will stop dating morons. The Bible is going to ask you to be submissive to your husband. If he is not a moron, that is easier. The correct biblical response for some of you ladies who are single is to listen to these sermons for the next two weeks and then break up with your boyfriend. That is the correct response. If he is mad, send him to us.
We will talk to him. We will get him in a group. We will help him follow Jesus like we are. And we will help him grow into what a biblical man is supposed to look like. That would be, that is a correct biblical response. The second reason, single ladies, you ought to listen to this sermon is the way we do our community groups.
You are a part of groups with families, with married couples. We don't do it by age. We don't do it by life stage. And you need to be able to graciously be helpful to the married ladies in your group. To point them to the gospel. To point them to scripture.
To not give them dumb advice that you read in a magazine or watched in a movie. Or feel in your heart. To actually know what is helpful, what God says. And to be able to graciously be a part of loving and serving your church family well. So, wives, good morning. Most of what we will talk about is going to directly apply to you.
So let's pray. And then we are going to read this whole text together. And then walk through it a chunk at a time. God, we need your help. We are not well equipped by our culture to hear what your word says in this area. Immediately we are going to have questions, frustrations, and doubt.
We are going to be tempted to misapply this in a number of ways. And so, God, we just ask that your Holy Spirit would work. Bring clarity. Give grace. And apply your word to all of the different people in this room. As we need to hear it and as we need to change.
Husbands, wives, single men, and single ladies. That we might all grow to love you more. And to love our church family more. Through your word. In Jesus' name. Amen.
We are in 1 Peter chapter 3, page 657. If your Bible looks like this. These Bibles are on the row. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. It's our gift to you. We want you to have a Bible.
We want you to read it often. So, page 657, 1 Peter chapter 3. And we are going to read the first six verses. Peter is going to address wives. And then in verse 7 he is going to address husbands. And that is what we are going to look at next week.
Likewise, wives. So, likewise being what he just talked about with the servants. And with having Jesus as their example. Likewise, wives. Be subject. Which means submit yourself.
Subject yourself to your husband. To his will. To his leadership. It does not say men or husbands. Subject your wives. It says wives.
Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if. Some do not obey the word. Aren't Christians. Aren't listening to scripture.
Aren't following well. So that even if some do not obey the word. They may be one. Without a word. By the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.
With the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham.
Calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good. And do not fear anything that is frightening. Okay. That text is tough. And I think made more difficult.
More tough. By our context. By our culture. There is a little bit of that. That you read. And you feel like.
It is something that you would graciously listen to your grandfather say. And then come away being like. I kind of feel sorry for my grandmother. I think he is a bit like sexist. And overbearing. Like that didn't.
Like there is some stuff in this text. That is like. Peter I wish you had clarified a little more. Or you listen to it. And immediately. Because of what we have been trained.
Our trained knee jerk reaction is. Oh I heard a guy say this one time on Cops. He had a really sweet wife beater. And a nice mullet. And he agreed with that passage. Like there is immediate.
This. You read it and you think. Okay. So did the Bible just say. Christian wives should be doormats. Is that what it says?
That is the Christian wife. Your husband just rolls over you. Or is it just saying. That this is a personality type. Like you read that. And immediately think.
Gentle. Quiet. Spirit. Like is it just saying. You have to be this type of person. To follow well.
And is it saying. That women are less than. Or not as good. Not as strong. Not as smart. Does it.
Like is it saying. That obviously. Men are better than women. And therefore. This is how this should work. So just to clarify some of that.
So that we can actually walk through this text. And try to really listen to it. One of the things the Bible says. In first Corinthians. Is. That the husband is the head of the wife.
And it keeps going through. And it says like. Or in the same way. That God is the head of Christ. So. Immediately.
It cannot mean. By headship being placed on the husband. Which means leadership. Responsibility. Weight. It cannot mean.
That he is. Better than. His wife. Because. If that's what it meant. If that's what that relationship was.
Then it would mean. That God the father. Is better than Jesus. But the Bible is clear. That that is not true. That they are.
In the Trinity. We believe in the Trinity. Which means that. God has existed. From eternity. As God the father.
God the son. God the holy spirit. Three persons. One God. Forever. Say that again.
God the father. God the son. God the holy spirit. Are three persons. One God. And have existed.
In eternity. As that. Now if that's confusing to you. That is because. That is confusing. Amazing.
So. I think it was Augustine said. Try to figure the Trinity out. And you'll lose your mind. Get rid of the Trinity. And you'll lose your soul.
So. It's important. It's weighty. But it is. It's not how things work in our brain. So.
But. What it means is. That God the father. God the son. And God the holy spirit. Are equal.
In worth. In value. In might. In God. In godness. They're all equally God.
They're all equally to be revered. And to be loved. But. They show deference. They do different things. So Jesus on earth says.
He's submitting to the will of the father. He prays in the garden. Not my will. But yours be done. And then it says that. In Philippians.
That God gave him the name. That is above every name. So that at the name of Jesus. Every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess. The holy spirit speaks.
Only what he's. What he hears. And points always back to Jesus. But Jesus. While he was on earth. Said.
Blasphemies against the father. And against the son. Will be forgiven. But none will be forgiven. Against the holy spirit. So there's this consistent.
Deference. And difference. In role. But not. In equality. So.
In the marriage. Wives. Are designed. To function. In a certain way. And husbands.
Are designed. To function. In a certain way. By the way. God created us. And doesn't have anything to do with worth.
It doesn't have anything to do with intelligence. It doesn't have anything to do with ability. So I. I can. And have. And look into relationships.
And can. We can all look into them. And say. This. This lady. Is smarter.
Than her husband. And more equipped. To lead. The bible. Is okay with that. But the bible.
Is still going to place. The weight of headship. And leadership. On the man. Because that's what he was designed to do. Now.
His wife. Is supposed to be a part of that. Helping. Serving. Working. To make things good in their home.
But it doesn't. It doesn't mean that the roles change. Based off of ability. Because it's not about ability. And it doesn't mean that. Wives should be.
Doormats. Or not involved. Or not speak their mind. Or not have opinions. And we'll see later why. As he kind of clarifies.
As we go through. So. Just realize. He's speaking about creation. Why we were designed this way. And he's going to actually speak.
And because you were designed this way. This is how this ought to look. And so he starts off. And I think he clarifies. In some ways. In the very first sentence.
That this applies to everybody. What he says is. Likewise wives. Be subject. To your own husbands. So that even if some.
Do not obey the word. Okay. So what he just said was. Wives. Submit to. Follow.
Be subject to. Your own husbands. Which there's something beautiful there. He says your own husbands. It does not say. Women.
Be subject to men. It doesn't say that. So this doesn't apply. Across the board. Between men and women. It applies between.
Husbands and wives. Wives. Be subject to your own husbands. Even if some. Don't obey the word. So.
It's kind of like when Jesus says. Love your enemies. That includes. People who are annoying. Enemies. Annoying.
See how that works. So when he says. So that even if some. Don't obey. So this.
Includes. All the way up to. Wives. Who husbands. Are not Christians. So it also.
Includes. Non-Christians. I mean. Husbands. Who are Christians. Who are in sin.
Who aren't in sin. It includes. All of. All husbands. Now. Let me specifically.
Say this. Peter. Is speaking. Into very difficult. Situations. For wives.
Especially. In his context. If you are a part of our church family. Or if you're just here today. And you are in an abusive relationship. We want to help you.
In any way we possibly can. We want to help you. So any way that you can get in contact with us. We want to help. Um. We'd like to have.
A nice. Sit down chat. With your husband. Um. If that would be helpful. Um.
But in any way we possibly can help. We want to help. So contact us. In any way you can get a hold of us. But. For all wives.
What he is saying. Is. You're. You're in this relationship. And your role in this relationship. Is to be subject.
Submissive to. And following your husband. And what he says is. Even if you're. If some do not obey the word. They may be won.
Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives. Now here's what's beautiful. Some of you are married to non-Christians. Or.
Christians who aren't obeying. Who aren't following well. Who aren't leading well. And. Peter just spoke in. And said.
Here's how to handle that situation. You have not been left alone. You have not been left without guidance. God has spoken into this situation. And what he says is. You actually get to speak more.
Through your conduct. Through your attitude. Than through your words. That the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not verbally.
And I know that hurts some of your hearts. But the primary way. That you get to relate to your husband. Is not through words. Now. I don't think it means.
You don't share the gospel with them. I don't think it means. If you've got a believing husband. That you don't point out his sin. That's one of the things Anna does for me. It's in a very gracious way.
She helps me see my sin. Um. And that's actually one of the ways. That she serves and ministers to me. But what it means.
Is that your primary relationship. To your husband. Is not words. But your attitude. Your response to him. And how you walk through difficult situations.
So. Let me give you an example of this. And here's why I think this means more. And has more of an impact. If you and your husband disagree on something. Which is going to happen.
And you. Tell him. What ought to happen. This is how this ought to play out. This is what would be a good decision here. This is what we ought to do.
Here's how most relationships will work. And what we're taught that most relationships will work. One of you will win. One of you will get your way. If you disagree. At some point.
You're either going to agree. But if there's no coming to an agreement. One of you will win. This is the relationship your husband is used to. Expects in most all of his relationships. This is how it works.
One of you will get your way. A lot of times your husband just gives up. Because he's tired of the argument. Maybe your husband's really aggressive. And he just gets his way. But here's what happens.
When the situation plays out. If he is right. He feels justified. And justified against you. Feels like. See.
Told you. Because there was an argument. There was conflict. And there was. It didn't come to a gracious conclusion. If he is wrong.
He feels justified. Because you were mean about it. I'm just telling you how men work. It's not how this ought to work necessarily. But this is what they do.
We're sinful. But I'm just helping you out. Yeah. You were right. But you were a jerk.
So whatever. Like you. We disagreed. And you got your way. And you fought for it. Whatever.
Good. It never leads to. Health. Joy. Peace. It doesn't.
And some of that's because of the way men react sinfully. And some of it's because. That's not how it's designed to work. So. Here's what can happen. As you walk into these situations.
As you step into this situation. What you do is you get to say. Here's what I think. Here's what I believe. Here's how this should work. Here's what I see to be true and right.
But I'm on your team. So I want to clearly say where I stand on this. But I'm on your team. And whatever happens. Whatever. Whatever we end up doing.
I'm with you. If he's right. He feels justified with you. Feels like you're on his team. Wants to hear more of what you have to say. Is willing to hear more of what you have to say.
If he's wrong. He doesn't want to be wrong anymore. Doesn't feel justified. Doesn't feel okay in it. Feels like I've got someone with me. Who's for me.
With me. Told me this was a bad idea. I led into it anyway. It changes the nature of the relationship. When wives step in and say. I'm on your team.
I will follow. And so what happens. Is that your primary relationship with your husband. Is not through your words. The conduct of your attitude. In that relationship.
Changes his heart. More than anything will. More than you being right or wrong. Will. In your words. It's way more your approach.
And that's what Peter's saying. He's also graciously. Giving us a yield sign. In our relationships. So what a yield sign is.
Is when two people are coming to a crossroads. One of you needs to slow down. So there's not a wreck. And the yield sign. By God's design. Has been placed in the lane.
That the wife is in. This is a way. To graciously keep you. From train wrecking. Or constantly having. Accidents.
And explosive relationship. Where at some point. Someone's got to yield. The yield sign's been placed. In the wife's lane. Out of God's grace.
For the relationship. Now. A few more things. I just want to be helpful. Here on the without a word part. The easiest thing to do.
In your marriage. Is to notice what is wrong. And say it out loud. Some of you are very good at it. It's the easiest thing to do. How come you never.
Why don't you. I was over at their house. And they. If you only. I wish you would. Why on earth.
Just to notice. This wasn't done. This hasn't happened. Why is this box still on the floor. I know you had to step over this. To leave the house.
How on earth have you not seen this. What is wrong with you. If I wasn't here. You would die. Maybe all true. It's part of what makes it so annoying.
They're all valid points. Here's the problem. It's the easiest thing to do. And it never is an addition. To your relationship. It never adds to health.
It never adds to joy. And it actually doesn't change your husband. It does. In a short run. Short run. And a can.
Get me to. Cut the grass. This weekend. She can. She can belittle me. And harass me.
And tell me how terrible I am. And I will cut the grass. This weekend. I will cut the grass. I will not like her. I will cut the grass.
I will not be excited about my marriage. But I'll cut the grass. It always works in the short run. Eventually it breaks down. You can only beat your husband so long. You can only whip him into shape so long.
And let me tell you something. That will help you. And this is just. It's really in the text. It's trying to be helpful. You.
Wives. Are the person. Who gets to speak into your husband. The most. Out of anybody else in the world. Used to be his parents.
Now does you. If you follow him around for years. Telling him he's a failure. Telling him he's dumb. Telling him he makes bad decisions. Pointing out everything he does wrong.
The best you can get out of that. Is that he believes you. Option one. And fits right into the role you've marked out for him. Or. He spitefully tries to prove you wrong.
But he is not on your team. And he does not like you. And whenever he does. What you wanted him to do. He feels justified. And is mad at you.
Never leads to anything good. Here's the thing you get to do with your words. To be helpful to your husband. You get to be. Champion of his strengths. And some of you are like.
Ah. I got my work cut out for me. Yeah. Find some. Find some strengths. Point them out.
Let me just give you a really. When you see fire. Blow on it. As helpfully as I can say that to you. When you see. What I have seen wives do all the time.
And I don't understand this. People do this in general. But wives do this. I've seen in relationships. You want your husband to lead. You want him to take charge.
I just wish he would lead. I wish he would take charge. I just wish. I just wish. And then he does. And you know what you respond with?
About time. Finally. I wish you'd have been real nice. If you'd have done that sooner. And what happened was. There was a tiny spark.
And you went. He does not want to keep doing that. You punished him for doing what he was supposed to. When there's a tiny spark. Do this. Oh.
Oh. Oh. Lord help me. Oh. That's what you need to do. And I'm just.
I'm serious. The one time he does a dish. Don't say. Thank you for finally doing dishes. Come over to him and say. I have never seen a man look sexier with a scrub brush.
I appreciate that you know how much that bothers me. And that you don't just leave stuff laying around. That you do dishes. Anna does this to me. The next day. You know what I'm doing?
Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. She says.
I just. I tell you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate. That the grass is cut. That you care about what our house looks like. That you know it means something to me.
It makes me want to. She's taking the little things that I kind of do right. She. My wife says stuff like this to me. She'll go. Did you try to clean in here?
Yes. You did good. And then she'll say. I think you're done here. Which means. You will not get this any better than this.
And that's okay. And she'll say. I appreciate you. And I'll say. Thanks. Every once in a while.
And this is the. This. Indicates how terrible I am at cleaning. She will show up. The house will look terrible. I have done nothing.
And she'll go. Did you clean? And I always respond with. Yeah. Sure did. And then.
They usually have to admit that I'm lying. But. When you see fire. Blow on it. Here's the other thing. That I want to help you out with.
If your husband doesn't lead. And every time he drops a ball. You pick it up. He'll keep dropping balls. If every time he lets something slide. You step in.
If every time something's out of control. You'll step in and control the situation. He will continue. Forever. To not. And he will feel justified.
Because you lead. So you'll say. You need to lead. And he will think. Can't. You're doing everything.
Can't lead. Every time something happens. Leave a gap. When something's going on. And he's like. Just say.
I trust you. I believe in you. Do you know how empowering that is. And how terrifying. To have your wife say that to you. Oh.
You'll take care of it. I believe in you. Immediately. You're like. Yeah. Holy goodness.
Yes. I wonder if she really believes that. If she's tricking me. But it makes you want to. Like. Leave a gap.
Step back. Let some things run into the wall. And look at your husband. And say. You'll take care of this. And he'll actually begin to lead.
If every time something gets messed up. You step in. You take control. You hop in and fix it. He won't. He won't lead.
He won't be able to. The other thing is. Wives. If you tell your husband. What to do all the time. He can't lead.
And here's why. As soon as you say to your husband. This is what you need to do. Do this. Stop doing this. Here's what happens.
Leading in that situation. Has been removed from the table from him. Here are his options. Do what you told him to. He will never feel like he's leading. If he's doing what you told him to.
Don't do what you told him to. Spitefully. What if you told him. To do something good. And his best way. To actually do.
Be his own man. Is to do the opposite. As soon as you tell him. Do this. Leading has been removed from the table. He can't.
So. How does Peter say. Wives ought to relate to their husbands. Without a word. By the conduct. Of their wives.
When they see your respectful. And pure. Conduct. Which means that you look like a Christian. That's pure conduct. And respectful is.
That you treat them with some deference. Some I believe in you. Some grace. You give them room to fail. You don't beat them up. Do not let your adorning.
Be external. The braiding of hair. And the putting on. Of gold jewelry. Or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning.
Be the hidden person. Of the heart. With the imperishable beauty. Of a gentle. And quiet spirit. Which in God's sight.
Is very precious. Ladies. How much does our culture reinforce. That beauty is internal. That is correct. That is how much.
Our culture does not reinforce that very much. Every once in a while. You have a movie. Or some sort of an ad. That tries to say that. But mostly.
Our culture. Says. Beauty is external. Value. Is external. How beautiful are you?
How good do you look? How much skin do you show? How much can you. Attract men through your physicality. That's where we place value. There are two.
Christian colleges. In our state. Christian colleges. In our state. That have beauty pageants. Pageants.
Pageants. That's the plural for pageant. That have beauty pageants. And the winner. Gets a scholarship. Found that out this week.
That's cute. What Peter is saying is. Beauty is not external. Do you want to know what makes you beautiful. Year. After year.
After year. After year. And actually allows you to become more beautiful as you age. Your attitude. Your heart. Who you are as a person.
And that actually to your husband. Can become the most beautiful thing. To where you actually can grow old together. And he can find you more beautiful every year. But here's what's even more beautiful about that.
Is what it says. Is that it's beautiful to God. The imperishable beauty. Which means it doesn't get old. It doesn't. Start to fade.
It doesn't need a facelift. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which in God's sight is very precious. God looks on it and says. That's beautiful. When a wife submits to her husband.
Follows his leadership. Is gracious towards him. Now. It's not a personality type. It says spirit. Gentle and quiet spirit.
It does not mean. Can't be volume wise loud. There's some ladies who read that. And go. I have never been described as gentle or quiet. All the notes that they sent home with me to my parents.
Said the opposite. This does not mean change your personality. It does mean tone. Attitude. So I'm a quiet person.
Let me take that back. When I'm angry. I'm a quiet person. So I had two brothers. My response to anger was punch. Not keep.
Not say words. I didn't have verbal arguments. I had. Please stop. Stop. Pow.
That was my. Carried that into high school. Got me into trouble. But. In my marriage. I just don't get loud.
I don't go volume. I don't go flashbang. But Anna. Knows. My angry voice. Because it is me.
Intentionally. Overriding. The part of me. That doesn't want to talk when I'm angry. And making myself say words. And saying them very intentionally.
So I will talk like this. So. I will talk like this. Anna. What I was trying to say. In that situation was.
And she'll say. Don't yell at me. I'm not yelling. Because I don't. I don't get loud. Volume doesn't go up.
This is. When actually. When I first started preaching. When I'm really in an intense moment. And trying to think of the words really clearly. I'll go.
Into. That voice. And Anna would leave. And go. I feel like you just yelled at me. For an hour.
That was terrible. And it's like. And it took me a while. To figure out what she was talking about. I was like. I didn't yell.
Tone. Attitude. So some of you can be very quiet people. And can absolutely not have a gentle and quiet spirit. Towards your husband. You can follow him around and go.
I told you that was what was going to happen. I wish. Sometimes. I pray about this. That I hadn't married. An idiot.
Okay. Volume. Low. Gentle and quiet spirit. Not so much. Some of you.
Can't. Talk. Quietly. Ever. It's a good thing we don't have a confessional. Forgive me father.
For I have sin. Like. It'd be terrible. It'd be like. Alright. This person's up.
Everybody out in the room. Like. You just can't. You're not quiet. That's okay. That's not what it means.
It doesn't. It's gentle and quiet spirit. It is your approach. It is your tone. It is how you graciously approach your husband. Speak to.
Build up. Love. Have grace for. It does not mean. Volume. You.
Okay. Okay. Here's what Peter just said. Submit to your husband. Be subject to your husband. Which means that.
Being subject means. As he makes decisions. You're kind of in tow. Like you're. His. His decisions.
His. Like. If. Okay. Be subject to your husband. Uh.
Your primary relationship is. Is to be. Win him over without words. But through your conduct. Which means that. You.
You don't get to just tell him what to do all the time. You don't get to tell him how he's terrible all the time. You don't. Which is super fun. And probably true a lot of times. You don't.
You don't get to step in and lead. And take over. Like. And that you're. It's the inner person. That is absolutely beautiful.
That gets to grow. And be fostered. So the question. Is. How. How.
How can you be married to someone. And watch them make terrible decisions. And not hop in and take over. How. How can you be married to someone. And watch them.
Not doing anything. Being lazy. And. And not point it out. Not try to get them to do what they're supposed to do. How can you read the text.
Like we're going to look at next week. That says. Here's what a husband ought to do. And not. Not help that happen. Wives.
You see so clearly. So often. What ought to happen. How. How on earth. And so Peter answers that question.
Verse five. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. By submitting to their own husbands.
As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord. And you are her children. If you do good. And do not fear anything. That is frightening.
Okay. For this is how the holy women. Who hoped in God. What he's going to say. Is that your primary relationship. In your marriage.
Is to God. Your hope. And your trust. Is not in your husband. It's in God. Your faith.
Is not in your husband. It's in God. And that submission to. Your husband. Is first and foremost. Submission to.
And trust in. God. God. But he gives us an example. Sarah and Abraham. If you're familiar with Sarah and Abraham.
This is a very. Very helpful example. So he. What he says is. And he says. As he.
She called him Lord. Now. Lord there is not. God. Lord. Like it's used in the Old Testament.
It really means sir. It just means she was respectful. He was just indicating. Here's a time. Where we see her showing respect. And he's basically pointing to their relationship.
And says. Her general attitude towards Abraham. Was one of grace. One of respect. That she was. Gave deference to him.
And so here's the story of Abraham. And Sarah. Just to help you out. Some of the highlights from their relationship. God tells them. They're going to have a baby.
And they're super old. Oh. First he tells them. Leave your family. And move to a place. That I'll tell you later.
And Abraham says. Come on honey. She says. Where are we going? He's like. Heck if I know.
God told me. And she goes. So we know that at that point. She went. We don't know how. Up for this she was.
We just know she went. Then God says. I'm going to make a nation out of y'all. Through your own children. And then they. They do some.
Make some kind of poor decisions. But God keeps making this promise to them. And so they keep trusting. At different points. Sarah just follows Abraham. Twice.
Two times. One time. And then again another time. Abraham. Abraham. Who.
His wife Sarah. Was apparently very attractive. Externally. He's saying that she had internal beauty as well. But apparently.
Externally she was attractive. I think the Hebrew word they use is tenderoni. Probably shouldn't have said that. But it's out there now. That's not a Hebrew word. But.
So. She. She. At different times. He says. We're going into a situation.
And what he says to her is. When we get there. People are going to think you're attractive. They're going into different towns and villages. He says. Tell them.
You're my sister. This is her husband. Tell them you're my sister. So that. They won't hurt me. To get to you.
We'll just tell them you're my sister. And then they can just kind of like have you or whatever. As long as we're in this town. Because you're good looking. And I don't want to like. Carry the weight of.
I don't know. Protecting and defending you. Or like in this situation. I don't know. Leading well. So let's tell them you're my sister.
And twice. People took her to be their wife. Twice. Let's play a game. It's called. Good husband.
Bad husband. I'm going to give a scenario. And you're going to guess. Does this make a good husband. Or a bad husband. You go on a date.
To a restaurant. It's got a bar. But it's a restaurant. It's not just a bar. And a large man comes over to your table. He's had some drinks.
He has some tattoos. He seems overly friendly to you. And a little overly aggressive to your husband. He begins to hit on you. And you look at your husband like. Hey kid.
Do something. And your husband does the. I've got this. I've got this hands. And he looks at the guy. And says.
My sister Clarice and I were just talking. Your name's Clarice in this story. My sister Clarice and I were just talking. About how she has a hard time meeting good men. Aggressive men with tattoos. And I think this is just.
We all seem made for each other. I'm just going to let myself out. And. And y'all just have a nice evening. And he looks at you and says. Call me later.
Whatever. Uh. Good husband. Bad husband. Bad husband. Yes.
That was a fail. That was terrible. Like if he said that on match game. What's your perfect date? Our perfect date is. You pretend to be my sister.
Like. You would not have picked this guy. We could keep playing this game. But they all end with him saying. You're his sister. And it's always bad husband.
Uh. That's terrible. And what Peter says is. In the midst. Of weakness. Stupidity.
Immaturity. Your hope gets to be in God. Not your husband. Your trust gets to be in God. Not your husband. And.
Only then. Can you do all this other stuff. And here's what's so beautiful. And freeing about this. Let's read the last verse.
Um. Which is really. Kind of confusing. Verse six. As Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him Lord.
And you are her children. If you do good. Meaning. Follow this. And do not fear. Anything.
That is frightening. And do not fear. Anything. That is frightening. You know what Sarah was afraid of? Nothing.
She didn't care. She wasn't afraid of bears. She wasn't afraid of fire. Like. What? Do not fear anything that is frightening.
That's what. Frightening things. Elicit fear. That's what. That's why. That's what the word means.
Like. Recently. I got a call from my wife. Answer the phone. Chet. You've got to come home.
What's going on? There is a lizard. In our house. No. I'm not coming home for that. You've got to come home.
What. What am I. Like. It's a lizard. Like. This is not going to.
I said. You're okay. This lizard. It's not going to attack you. She's like. I don't.
I can't. I've got a baby. It's like. Lizards don't eat babies. While on the phone with her. I did say.
It's not a skink. Is it? She was like. Why? What? I was like.
No. That's probably not a skink. Why? What? What about skinks? Well.
Does he. What color is his tail? What about skinks? They will attack you. No. They won't.
Right. Lizards don't attack people. You are perfectly safe. I told her later. I was like. Just so you know.
I draw the line at lizard. I would come home for a snake. I will come home for a snake. Not for a lizard. So I get a call.
Like two weeks later. And she says. Chet. I moved. The little thing. Archer was laying on.
And. Underneath. There was a big spider. And I'm okay. Like. She'll kill spiders.
If I'm not there. Although. I am the cleanup crew. Sometimes I'll come home. And she'll be like. There's a spider under that book.
You got to take care of that. And usually. I'll be like. There's no spider here. He was there. She calls.
And says. There was a big. There was a spider. And. And then I was going to take care of him. But then I saw like.
Ants. But they weren't ants. This spider was a mother. And she has just given birth. To a bunch of baby spiders. In the middle of our living room.
And I was like. I am on the way home. Partially because. I don't want a bunch of spiders. In my house. Like.
I don't like spiders. So I was like. I'm coming home. We will take care of this. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean.
Don't be afraid of frightening things. It's not. What he's saying is. And this is so beautiful. And so freeing. What he's saying to wives.
Is this. You. Don't have to. Fix it. And you. Don't have to.
Pick up the slack. And you. Don't have to. Carry the weight. And you. Don't have to.
Make it work out. Somebody once said that. The biblical headship. Is God telling the wife to duck. So he can punch the husband.
And what he's saying is. There are frightening situations. Maybe you will go bankrupt. Maybe it will be foreclosed. Maybe he never gets sober. Maybe what you told him was going to happen.
Is exactly what was going to happen. Maybe you watch your husband. Derail everything. And you. Aren't the one. Who has.
To fix it. You get to trust. That God is big enough. And good enough. So much so that his son.
Came to earth. To die for you. To rescue you. To redeem you. And that on the cross. Forever proved.
That he is trustworthy. And that he is good. And when he rose from the grave. Forever made certain. Your inheritance. And you.
Do not have to walk around on earth. Placing your faith. And trust. And hope. In a man. Or.
In your ability. To fix everything. You actually get to. Hope in God. That's what he says. This is how the holy women.
Who hoped. In God. Used to adorn themselves. The only way. You can do all of this other stuff. Is if your trust.
And your hope. Are set firmly. In God. Who is sovereign. Who is in control. Who is capable.
And at that moment. When that. Becomes a reality for you. You actually can step back. You can follow. Flawed authority.
Because you know. That ultimately. You're in God's hand. You're a dearly loved child. That that attitude. And posture towards your husband.
Is called beautiful. And precious to him. And that he will guard you. And defend you. And work. In ways that you never can.
You get to step back. And pray. That God will wreck your husband. Lead him to repentance. Lead him to the cross. Change him.
Give wisdom. And you get to know. At all points. That that is what you're supposed to do. That you're following well. Because you actually.
Ultimately. Are submitting to Jesus. As you submit. And follow your husband. You're resting in faith. As you follow and trust.
And your ultimate trust. And your ultimate faith. And your ultimate belief. Gets to sit. Firmly. On Jesus.
Not on your husband. And in that way. You're freed up. To actually. Do what he just said. Which seems.
Very difficult. And very impossible. The band's going to come back up. We're going to sing. And some of you. Wives.
Are in. Tough situations. Friends. And you. You can see clearly. How it ought to work out.
You feel like. You know exactly. What needs to happen. Your husband doesn't deserve. To be followed. Or submitted to.
And the text never covers that. What it actually says is. That doesn't play. That doesn't come into play. Whether he deserves it or not. You get to know.
That your hope. And your trust. Is in a sovereign. Good. Generous. Capable.
Loving. Active. God. And the value of your husband. Doesn't come into play. Because your hope.
And your trust. Isn't in him in any way. And you're free. The weight. Of how your children turn out. The weight.
Of how your finances turn out. The weight. Of how. Decisions are made. You get to place your hope in God. You don't have to fix it.
You don't have to control it. You don't have to make it work out. You aren't in charge. Of how it ends. God has freely invited you. To have the cross.
Be the center of your marriage. And to trust. And to hope. In God. You've been invited into a very free. And very beautiful.
Way to have a relationship work. As God has designed it. Get to trust that he's trustworthy. And good. Some of you may need to repent. Of your.
Ability to find fault. And as you follow. And trust after God. You may need to work on. Becoming better at pointing out. Your husband's strengths.
And taking all the small fires. And feigning them into flame. But ultimately. In your relationship. You get to rest. Your husband's going to fail.
You're going to be bad at this. And Jesus is good. And his grace is sufficient. And he's in control. Of your relationship. And you get to trust him.
Hope in him. And in that way. Have a lot of joy. In your marriage. Father. We thank you.
We thank you. We thank you. That you have spoken. Into relationships. That you have. Offered us.
Wisdom. And grace. And we thank you. Lord. That. In all the difficult.
Situations. That wives get to sit. Firmly. In your hands. That marriages get to sit. Firmly.
On your shoulders. That you've given us. A way to. To function. With grace. And love.
Towards one another. And we ask. Lord. That you would bless. The marriages. In our church family.
That you would help. The single people. In our church family. To love. The married couples. To serve them well.
To point them. To the gospel. That you would lead us. All to repent. And fall. More in love.
With the cross. We thank you. Lord. For your grace. In Jesus name. Amen.
Amen.