American Marriage vs Biblical Marriage
Transcript
Well, good morning. Happy Valentine's Day. My name is Shet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are in Matthew chapter 19, so grab a Bible. We'll be in Matthew chapter 19 today.
If your Bible looks like this one, you'll be on page 534. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. That's our gift to you. We want everybody to have a Bible. We want everyone to read it. So we are in our fifth week of our Theology of Sex series, and we've just been walking through.
We spent the past couple of weeks talking about masculinity and femininity, what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, that God intentionally designed gender, and he intentionally designed the genders different from one another, distinct from one another, for his purposes, for his glory, for the flourishing of humankind. I said something about Valentine's Day coming up to someone this week, and people are all over the place when it comes to Valentine's Day. Some people get excited. One person I was talking to this week said, oh yeah, the holiday that the greeting card companies invented to sell candy.
And I was like, why? Why do the greeting card companies want to sell candy? Like, did they invent it to throw us off their tracks? Is that why it's about? Like, I was really confused, but there's just people in general have different things. So whether you're mad at Valentine's Day or excited or could not care less, happy Valentine's Day.
We're going to talk about marriage today. We're going to talk about what the Bible says about marriage, what marriage is, what it was designed to be. We're going to talk a little bit about our American approach to marriage and then the biblical approach to marriage. As we hop in this morning, I want to take a second and just address single people in the room who heard the word marriage and checked out. Let me help you out here and tell you a few reasons why you knowing what marriage is is actually very helpful for you. First of all, our culture believes some really dumb things about marriage, which means that it is highly likely that you believe some very dumb things about marriage.
Most of us do. Even married couples believe some very dumb things about marriage, but they'll probably pay attention. Single people, you're believing some dumb things. You need to listen to understand what the Bible says about marriage so you can rightly understand it. Secondly, Christianity is the first major belief system in history. I recently read an article where a Duke historian, anthropologist basically was looking back and said, Christianity is the first major belief system in history that says, stood up and said out loud to people, it is perfectly okay to be single for your entire life.
That is a perfectly good, healthy, normal, celebratable way to walk through life as a human. First belief system that ever said that. Our God that we serve when he came to earth in Jesus was a single man who never married, never had sex. We worship and follow him. Being single is perfectly okay, perfectly healthy, perfectly celebratable way to be a human. And as we talk today, you'll actually get to see why.
Why you have a leg to stand on and be able to say, no, I'm perfectly fine in my singleness. I don't need another human to step in and fix me or complete me, regardless of what that movie says. Bonus reason, you're a part of our church family. In our community groups, we exist in our community groups. That's how we walk through life as a church family. And we believe that church is a family.
So we don't break up our community groups by gender or age. We just all kind of get together. And so you're most likely, if you're in a community group and you're single, you're in a community group with other married couples. And our culture believes a lie. That is, if I have children, you can't tell, and you don't, you can't tell me anything about having children. And if I'm married and you aren't, you can't tell me anything about being married.
And the Bible disagrees with that because two of the guys that talk about marriage and children a lot had neither a wife nor children. But it isn't helpful for you to pop off with your own, here's what I think, based off of my own opinions, based off of nothing. So we want to all grow in what it means, what a marriage is, what it was designed to be, so that we can helpfully and in a healthy way point the other married people in our church family towards Jesus, understanding what marriage was designed to be. So by learning what marriage is and isn't, you actually get to help serve the other people in your church family and in your community group in a healthy way without just giving them what culture's been giving you.
So I'm going to pray and we're going to hop in. We'll be starting in verse 3 of Matthew 19. God, we thank you for your grace, for your love, for your active pursuit of our souls. We pray that today we would clearly see your love, your love for us, what love was meant to be, and how marriage was meant to exist and thrive and flourish and what it was designed to be, God. And so we just pray that you'd give us wisdom and clarity as we study this together today. In Jesus' name, amen.
All right, so we've read this a couple weeks ago. We're going to read it again. We were reading it for a specific purpose, and now we're going to actually kind of read it in its context. So Matthew 19, verse 3, and Pharisees, Pharisees were just a group of a religious sect inside of Judaism. So it would be kind of like saying, and Presbyterians or and Lutherans walked over.
Like that's how they would have understood it. It was a group that believed a certain thing inside of Judaism. So Pharisees came up to him, him as Jesus, and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? So I find this pretty interesting. They have a lot of questions like we have about marriage and divorce. They're coming over to him saying, okay, they're basically asking, how do you read this specific Old Testament passage, Deuteronomy 24?
Kind of how do you read it? What's your take on what Moses is saying there? He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife? Hold fast means be cemented to, sewn together. Hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? And he said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wife. So notice the difference there. They said, Why did Moses command us to? And he said, No, no, no.
Because of your hardness of heart, he allowed you to. And in Deuteronomy 24, they are basically lying. Moses does not command them to. What he says is, If a man divorces his wife and gives her a certificate of divorce, and then he steps in and tries to protect females, basically. He starts giving some guidelines for like, Okay, if y'all are going to keep doing this, let me help out here. So it's a little bit like, If you get shot, here's how to dress the wound.
And then the Pharisees are like, Then why did Moses tell us to shoot each other? It's like, He didn't. He just was stepping in and trying to be helpful there. It wasn't a command. So Jesus steps in and says, No, he allowed it because of your hardness of heart.
Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. So the way God designed it was not designed to be like that. And I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. So Jesus says, No, no, no.
Originally, God designed it, one man, one woman, to be married, to become one flesh, to be cemented together, and to stay together forever, and not to have any kind of man-made anything that tears that apart. Now, in our culture, we have high divorce rates. We have a lot of people who have been divorced, or been divorced and remarried, and so we understand that this is broken. The ideal isn't worked out the way God intended it. But what we're going to look at today as we walk through is what God intends for marriage, for the marriage covenant, for all of us as we view marriage, at where we sit today, whether we're single, married, remarried, divorced, we can all begin to say, Okay, this is actually what God intended for marriage, and this is how marriage ought to work.
Even though sin has stepped in and messed that up, we can begin to hold up the ideal and then strive for it. So, the disciples said to him, So Jesus says, Stay married. It was designed for you to be married and stay married, and not to have this torn apart. And the disciples said to him, If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. Which is really kind of mean, because some of the disciples had wives, and they're like, If we can't ever, like, send them away, you probably just shouldn't get married. Like, if marriage has to be forever, remember, that doesn't sound good.
And Jesus responds, which is kind of confusing, but when he finishes out his sentence, he said to them, Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. And basically, you don't have to get married. But if you get married, this is what marriage was designed to be. So the disciples and the Pharisees are basically having this discussion with Jesus about, Is a no-fault divorce a thing? Like, Can we, Can you get divorced? Can we just kind of, If it's not working out, and they're basically saying, Okay, But Jesus, What if like, What if I'm not happy anymore?
What if it's not good anymore? What if, What we originally intended isn't, Isn't working out anymore? What if, What if it's just not what we thought it would be? And Jesus' response is, God designed them to be married and to stay married. That's the way marriage is supposed to work. That we would hold fast.
That we would stay together. That's where, Ultimately, It works out and is good. And so what we see, Honestly, Is that the Pharisees and the disciples, So basically, This culture Jesus is talking into, Feels similar to the way We feel about marriage. So like, Our culture, When we talk about marriage, When we legalized gay marriage this year, Our culture is holding up, Basically, This definition for marriage. That marriage is a, Legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That's kind of our cultural definition of marriage.
It's a legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That it's good, As long as, There's romance, As long as there's feelings of love, And that it's good, As long as, We're mutually happy. I'm fulfilled, You're fulfilled, You're holding up your end of the bargain, I'm holding up my end of the bargain, We both are happy, Enjoying this. And that, Once one of those breaks down, Then it kind of doesn't matter anymore. You don't have to stay married, Because it's, For the expression of romance, For the purpose of happiness. And Jesus, In his answer, Basically is going to say, No, Those don't, There aren't qualifiers.
And so, Really, What we have, The way we approach marriage, Is kind of a consumeristic relationship. Um, So, I, I love Moe's, And I've had people try to talk me into, Loving Chipotle. They've tried to talk me into cheating on Moe's, Really, Is what they've tried to talk me into. Um, But I, I just, I, I can't do it. Like, I can't, I've been to, I've been to Chipotle, It's okay, I'll eat a burrito there every once in a while, But that's, It's, It's not, It's not for me. Like, They don't greet me when I walk in, They don't have queso, They don't give me chips, It costs more, It doesn't taste as good.
So, It's like, Why would I, Like, My relationship with Moe's is, I'm gonna give you money, You're gonna give me a burrito, And at the end of that, We're probably gonna be best friends. Like, This is how it works. And that's how a consumer relationship works, Is, I, I'm gonna do something, You're gonna do something, And then if it's mutually beneficial, We're good. That's a consumeristic relationship. That's why, Uh, Many of you are mad at Tom Warner, Uh, Cable, Twice a month. You paid your bill, Why is your internet's not working?
Yeah, That's the problem. Like, It's, I'm doing it. You're doing my side of stuff, Why aren't you doing your side of stuff? And if you quit paying your bill, Tom Warner will cut it off. Like, That's, That's how it works. It's, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part.
But honestly, We've just moved this into the realm of relationships, And said, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part, And as long as we're happy, And as long as we're feeling it, It's gonna be good. That's, That's our approach to relationships. And if I can find a better, So like, If they, If they make a Moe's 2.0, If Chipotle actually was better, I'd have left Moe's in the dirt, Wouldn't have cared. Just Chipotle hadn't done it. So like, Somebody else can, That's fine.
You got cheaper, More queso, You say hello better, I'm good, I'm in. And we approach relationships like that. I'm here as long as it's mutually beneficial, I'm here as long as I'm enjoying it, And if I can find something better, I'm out. We approach dating like that, And it just filters right into our approach to marriage. And the, The, Some of you, The truth is, We've also begun to lift up the idea of finding the one, Which adds into this. Because we have this idea of, You're gonna find your one, You're gonna find the soulmate, And once you do, Magic, Is gonna happen.
And you'll just be compatible forever, And you'll just feel it all the time, And so if you're, If you're with somebody, And you're not feeling it, And it's not magical, They're not the one. Let me help you out here. That idea, First comes up in what we, Historically what we can see is in Plato's Symposium, And what he's talking about is that there was a belief that Greek gods, When they originally created humans, All humans had two heads, Four arms, Four legs, And so the Greek God, I believe Zeus, Cut them all in half. And so now, From now on, All humans, Are running around on earth, Forever looking for their soulmate.
Because you originally had another person connected to you, That you were cut in half from. So, The problem though with myths, Is that they're myths. So, Whilst looking for your soulmate, Keep an eye out for unicorns and samsquanchus. Just be on the lookout, Because you're just as likely to find Bigfoot. They don't exist, You're not going to find a soulmate. Every wedding, I love being a part of weddings, I like getting to talk at a wedding.
It's kind of stressful, But I like getting to do it. And every wedding I've been a part of, I've said something along the lines of, Most recent one was Jack and Ashley, Part of our community group. We had it right here, On a Sunday in December. At some point, I usually say something along the lines of, This marriage, I have to hold my little book, And stand perfectly still in the middle. This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, Is going to be perfect, And would be completely set up for perfection, If it weren't for you, And if it weren't for you, The two of you are going to ruin it.
Like, Like something along those lines. And it's really fun, Because everybody sitting out there is like, What the heck is he talking about? Like, Dude, You don't know how to wedding, Like you're ruining it. But the truth is, This person is a sinner, And this person is a sinner. There are no soulmates. If you get married, You've married a sinner, And what you've said is, Here's all my sin, Want to share?
And they've said, Yeah, Here's all my sin, Want to share? And you're like, Yeah, Let's try to do life together. Like, That's really what it is. And so Jesus is going to step in and say, No, Like, It's designed to stay together regardless. Like, And our culture says, No, No, It's expression of romantic feelings, For the purpose of happiness. And honestly, If I'm real with y'all, 90% of mine and Anna's arguments, Have some form of, Hey, You're supposed to make me happy, And you're not doing that right now.
Somewhere in there, That's the baseline of the argument. Hey, You're designed, This is designed, You exist to make me happy, And either A, You're not effectively contributing to my happiness, Or B, You're standing in the way of it. You are actually making it harder for me to be happy. That's like 90% of our argument. There's another 5% that is, I haven't slept in a while, I want to fight about it, But, 90% is, You're not currently making me happy, You're not currently filling me up. And, Our, Our society, Loves long term relationships.
We believe in long term relationships. We celebrate long term relationships. You've watched the notebook, 17,000 times, Because it was this relationship, Where they grew old together, And it was magical. Like, We celebrate this, And we're terrible at them. And then, We kind of, As a culture, Have the audacity, To say, You know what? We're terrible at long term relationships, And it's not our approach, It's that we've outgrown long term relationships.
We're actually beyond this idea. Do you feel the arrogance in that? Like, You can taste it, And it tastes bad. Like, Our, Our approach to, No, We're just beyond this. And, And honestly, We know though, Our approach to relationships, And what love is, We know, That that's not what love is. It's Valentine's Day.
Come with me in this. Mentally, Just let's, Let's go on a journey together. It's this evening. You're with your significant other. You're at a nice restaurant. You know it's nice, Because you can't read the menu.
It's too dark. You're going to pay $30, For food that's all separated, And about this big on the plate. You had a living social deal. I know our church family. You aren't there just paying for it on your own. There's some candles, Some nice music.
It's also known as ambiance. You can feel it. You reach across the table, You grab their hands, Look into their eyes, And you say, Boo, I love you. This very moment, I love you. And I don't know about tomorrow, But I love you right now. And I'm going to be with you.
Unless something better comes along. Keep my options open. And I'm going to fight through everything, As long as I still feel happy inside. And if my happiness leaves, Well then, And a single tear just falls out of their face, Because that's the most beautiful thing, Anyone has ever said to them. No. This isn't going to happen, Because that's not what love says.
That's not what we know love to be. That's not how love works. It isn't. Love, As it naturally occurs in the wild, Love just blurts stuff out. Love just makes definitive statements, About what is going to be true and real, Because love is a real thing, That actually exists, And it goes way beyond, Our consumeristic approach to it. You want to know what love says?
This is what love says. I, Will always love you, That's what love says. That's why we gave Whitney Houston all the monies, When she sang that. We were like, Yes, Take money from my wallet, You are correct, That's what love is. That, Because that, That is love, That's it. I, Will always love you.
I, Me, All of me, Everything I have, I, Will, Purposefully, Dedicate, Decide, Work, Pursue it, Will, Always, Regardless, No matter what else happens, No matter what comes along, No matter what happens to you, What happens to me, Always, I, Will always love, With everything I have, Love, You, Singularly, You, No one else, To the exclusion of all others, You. We know, That's what love is. We know, That's what love just blurts out. It just runs out of your mouth. You just, It's, Well, There you go. Like, We, We just know.
We celebrate that. We know that love's supposed to conquer all. We know that love's supposed to last forever. And then we push it into this consumeristic relationship, And we're confused as to why it just breaks down. And so Jesus is actually being very helpful when he says, No, This is the way marriage was designed to work. So we're going to, We're going to look at some of the things that having this type of relationship, This covenant type of relationship that Jesus is talking about, Actually works on our behalf.
So, Verse 5, And said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, And hold fast, Be cemented to his wife, And the two shall become one flesh. So, They are no longer two, But one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, Let not man separate. So here's the definition that Jesus gives of marriage. That Jesus says, Now this is the way marriage was designed to work. That two are to become one flesh.
We were reading in Matthew 19 on that. Sorry, We'll go there in a minute. It's the same thing. He's quoting that. That two will become one flesh. They'll be cemented together, And then they'll actually become one.
They're no longer two separate entities. They're one. So when I'm fighting for my happiness, It doesn't make any sense anymore in marriage. Because our happiness trumps my happiness. Our health trumps my health. Our desires trumps my desires.
Because we're one. It's the same thing with salt. Salt is sodium chloride. When it becomes salt though, It's no longer sodium and chloride. It's salt. It's NA and CL together.
And it's bonded together. It's not them two working together. It's them. They've made a new thing. And in order to make them not salt, There's a lot of tearing and breaking and stuff That has to happen. And science has to get in there.
And I don't know any of how that works. But it's not good for salt. And that's what he's saying about marriage. We were designed to be one and to stay one. That it's something. A new entity has been formed in marriage.
And we're not supposed to break it apart. And consumeristic relationships are basically saying, What I'm receiving from this relationship Is more important than the relationship. And a covenant relationship says, The relationship is more important than what I receive. That I'm actually designed to give, not receive, Regardless of how this works out. So, there are two major things that happen When we actually step into a covenantal relationship. Two things that covenantal relationship provide for us.
They set up a guard around what love is designed to be. The first one is, We have deeper, A deeper bond growth. We have a deeper bond When we enter into A covenant relationship. The only real covenant relationship That we still have, Kind of in our culture, Is the relationship between parents and children. We understand that one The way we ought to understand a covenant. It shows up every time, Whenever you see a parent That just disowns their children, Abandons their children.
The way we react to that, Because we know that's not how it's supposed to work. When a dad just says he's going to get cigarettes And never shows back up, Like we know that's not how it's supposed to work. Parenting relationships are, I give and I give and I give and I give and I give. And I know that that's, You're never going to pay me back on this. And regardless of how you act, You're never, Like it's not going to, I'm not even going to get my return, Other than seeing you grow and be healthy. Like that's the return I get.
You're not going to pay me back In how much you give to me. And through that, Through giving and giving and giving and giving, I'm actually going to love you more And have a deeper relationship with you Than I ever would have In a consumeristic relationship. That's the way a covenant is supposed to work. That I give and give and give Regardless of what comes back. That's what he's saying marriage ought to be. And we know that to be true.
We know that marriage is designed, Relationships and love are designed, For us to just grow old together. For us to just be together For as long as we can live. Like we know that that's true. We want that. Like one of mine and Anna's goals Is to be really old And creep our grandchildren out. Like I want to be known as Hansy.
Like I'm going for that. When we're old. Like I want to be so in love That it... And just be like... Like we just know this. They recently took a couple And they did like an aging thing.
They had makeup artists To make them older And they made them... They were like about to get married in a month And then they made them Look 30 years older and 40 years older All the way up to where they were 90. And they're looking at each other old And they're just... They start crying Because it's just this. This is what we want. I can't help but imagine All the life that we would have had together And all the things we know.
We want to be 85. If we've gotten married We want to be 85 with our spouse And they have changed in a thousand ways. They have changed so much. Their attitudes, their beliefs, The way they respond to stuff They've changed so much. And we've changed And we still love each other And we love each other in new ways. We love each other more Because of all the changes.
Like we know that's what love is supposed to be But if we're in a consumeristic relationship It doesn't happen. It only happens inside of a covenant Where no matter what We stick with it. We continue to give No matter how it works out. That's the I will always love you. Regardless of what happens. That's the covenantal The way it's supposed to work.
The second thing that it gives us is security. The second thing that marriage covenant provides for us When we exist in a I'm going to give and give and give And regardless of how this works out I'm in. It gives us security. You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there.
You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there. But another reason is That when the couple stands up in front of everybody And says I'm with you for richer or poorer In sickness and in health Until death do us part Like I'm in No matter how this goes If they mean it That's beautiful They really mean that If that's actually how that's going to work That's beautiful That this The bottom can fall out on this thing And I'm not going anywhere This can go really badly We can be really sick Or really poor Have nothing together
But I'm in There's a security inside of a covenant That just isn't provided In a consumeristic relationship In a consumeristic relationship You have to keep marketing yourself Not only to the person you're with But to other people Because you still have other options out there You may not need to This may not keep going Or you have to keep making sure That they're happy You've got to keep doing all this stuff To try to keep the relationship going And there's just It doesn't work That's honestly why When our culture steps up And says Okay What we ought to do Is Live with
With our significant other Prior to getting married That we ought to You ought to cohabitate Prior to getting married To kind of kick the tires It's like giving it a test drive To see if this is going to be a good idea The reason that actually doesn't work Is because You're practicing A consumeristic relationship To prepare for a covenantal one And there is no preparation For a covenantal relationship You're either in the covenant Or you're not You're either all in Or you're all out There's no practicing for it So stepping into A let's live together situation Where we might stay Might not stay
Actually doesn't help you prepare For a covenant And It just doesn't work that way And so you may be saying Okay hold on a second I'm not even going to say That cohabitation Helps you prepare for covenanting Cohabitation is basically Divorce practice Before getting married That's really what it is It just doesn't work Because it doesn't translate To what you're going for in marriage But you may say Okay hold on a second Bible boy I'm not saying That It's good practice for marriage I'm saying it's better than marriage We should just throw out marriage
And you can just live with whoever And then If that doesn't work Fine If it does work Great Like that's what I'm actually I'm going to make that argument The problem with that argument Is that that's not true either Facts don't back you up So there was a bipartisan study That was done And basically Let me just give you Some of these statistics Annual rates of depression Among couples living together Are more than three times What they are among married couples Cohabitating couples Report lower Lower levels of happiness Lower levels of sexual satisfaction
Than married couples Women living with their partner Are more likely to suffer Physical abuse And sexual abuse Than married women And children living With cohabitating parents Are eight times more likely To suffer abuse Than those living in homes With married parents So if you believe Cohabitating relationships Are better It's just not backed up There's no Biblically it's not going to say that And it's just not Science isn't going to say that It's actually worse for society And women And children And honestly
Just as a church family We should just begin to reject this As an okay thing We should We should just all In a gracious way Just not be cool With cohabitation Because it's actually just worse Even just based on math It's kind of like this My wife and I Have a We got a thing To go to the zoo All the time A zoo pass Or whatever It's like a year long thing So we get to go to the zoo Everyone's well I like the zoo I always get a little bit Bummed out
When I'm at the zoo Because You're looking like Especially at the lions They make me the saddest So I look at the lions There's this big male lion And this female lion And I just I know too much about lions I don't know much about lions But I know too much To just be able to really enjoy this Because lions are supposed to be in a pack There's only two of them So it's like Alright y'all missing some friends And In the wild They get to run all over the place They get to just tackle and eat stuff Sometimes they do that Just for the heck of it Because they're big and can
If you watch those nature shows They're just killing stuff all the time They don't get to kill anything at the zoo And when they do it's bad They like put them down Like It's just basically like Here's some food And the lion's like This is lame And they can't even run Like the enclosure isn't even big enough For them to get up to a full sprint And so it's like Here's a lion And it's like I kinda It used to be a lion And now it's not really able to function The way a lion's supposed to function That's wholly different From like a wildlife preserve Wildlife preserve is Here's a lion
And there's a bunch of stuff That can come in and harm this Let's build some fences and protect it Let's keep the dentists out of here Like that's what a lion A wildlife preserve is Like there's things that can harm this lion Let's build some things And so this lion Gets to be a lion Gets to fully exist in its lionness We've just put up some walls To help protect it The way love exists in the wild The way love just Blurts things out The way love is Just where it is Love conquers all Love never fades I will always love you When we put it in a consumeristic relationship We've taken love And put it in a zoo
It actually isn't going to be able to work And function And exist the way it was designed to But when we move love Into a covenantal relationship That's why That's why when he says This is what marriage was supposed to be It's because it's actually what works To foster love And to help love flourish And exist the way we know That it was designed to Genesis 2 It'll be up on the screen We'll look at it together So this is the passage that Jesus quotes Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother And hold fast to his wife And they shall become one flesh And the man and his wife were both naked And were not ashamed Here's what a beautiful thing about covenants There's no shame
In a covenant Covenant actually steps in And takes the worst thing And makes it the most beautiful The thing that We know that love is supposed to be You love me for me You love me for who I am I'm fully known and fully loved We know that's the way love is supposed to exist But in a consumeristic relationship We have to keep propping ourselves up Making ourselves look better That's not the way a covenant is designed to work There's a quote from the movie Meet Joe Black He was talking to one of the older men in the movie And he said The great thing about being married was She knows the worst thing about me And it's okay And that's what a covenant does In a relationship There's always deal breakers
There's always stuff that steps in And makes Makes it It's not going to work anymore This is a deal breaker We can't get past this And what a covenant does Is it steps in and makes that thing The most beautiful thing about your relationship Because it turns it on its head It becomes the thing where you've given the most love The most grace It's exactly what a covenant was meant to do To take the worst part of us To be fully known and fully loved And still stay together It redeems the most broken part of us We say that love conquers all And it should And in a covenant It gets to We get to work past The worst part And give grace and love there
That's actually where we get to show More love We're not In a covenant We're not bound by our feelings Or our happiness We're free We're free to give And we exist in this secure relationship Where even the worst parts Become the most beautiful And that's straight Out of how Jesus loves the church Let's go to Ephesians 5 We read this last week You can go ahead and flip there We'll be on page 635 We'll also show it on the screen This is talking to two married couples But then it ends in a very interesting way Husbands Love your wives As Christ Loved the church
And gave himself up for her So Christ is Jesus And the church is all those who believe in him That he might sanctify her Having cleansed her By the washing of water with the word So that he might present the church To himself in splendor Without spot or wrinkle Or any such thing That she might be holy And without blemish And in the same way Husbands should love their wives As their own bodies He who loves his wife Loves himself When we talk about love As just an emotion That makes that sentence really confusing When we talk about love As just a romantic feeling And Paul says Love your wife
The way that you love your own body It's like Well that just got weird Like No Love is actually way deeper And way more Than how I feel at this moment It's an active choice For no one hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it Just as Christ does the church Because we are members of his body Therefore So now he's quoting Genesis 2 So it's what we read in Genesis 2 It's what Jesus quotes Paul's going to quote it here And he says Therefore a man shall leave his father And his mother And hold fast to his wife And the two shall become one flesh
This mystery is profound And I am saying That it refers to Christ And the church So Paul's going to say That way back in Genesis 2 God had in mind Christ's covenant love For the church Prior to ever creating marriage That one of the reasons Marriage is beautiful Is because it images Christ's love for the church The way Jesus is going to love the church When he pursues the church And goes to the cross for the church To rescue the church And to absolutely just give And give and give On behalf of the church So the church can actually have A healthy loving relationship That that's
The love That we're supposed to have The covenant relationship We're supposed to have in a marriage Is actually just a small picture Of the way that Christ loves the church Of the way that Jesus Laid his life down For the church To rescue the church And that's beautiful Because the church Those who place faith in Jesus Brought nothing to the table Except for our sin and brokenness And Jesus took the worst thing The deal breaker All the mess that we had Everything that should have Excluded us from his love And he makes it the most beautiful Because that's where he steps in And redeems And he puts us in a relationship
That we can't lose the relationship We can't get out of it Because it's based off of Jesus Pursuing us forever The cross is Jesus Definitively declaring I will always love you That's why marriage Gets to be beautiful Because it's a small picture Of what the gospel is And that's why Since marriage is about the gospel We actually can be in a covenant When we're terrible at them There's nothing in our heart That helps us do covenants Our hearts are broken and off And we're really good At consumeristic relationships Because I get to bounce out of those But covenants we're terrible at But when we see how Jesus loved us And pursued us
And continued to chase after us Even when we were broken We get to stay in a covenant And our marriage gets to be beautiful It's the same reason That you can be perfectly single Your entire life Because your fullness Isn't going to come From some other person It comes from Jesus Your health and joy And happiness Doesn't come from another human You're never going to find it in them You'll crush them if you try to It only comes from Jesus Francis Chan says That the way this works Is like If we go scuba diving And we only have one oxygen tank That's a consumeristic relationship One of us is breathing
The other person's hurting One of us is getting life The other person's losing it But that's a consumeristic relationship Either I'm winning I'm getting life Or you're winning You're getting life But there's no way for us both To be built up There's no freedom We're dependent on one another We need to suck from one another To get life To keep this thing going And that Jesus Being our primary relationship Gives us both oxygen tanks And then we're free Scuba diving with two oxygen tanks Gets to be a lot of fun Because you don't have to steal From the other person To be okay
What's beautiful about Jesus Being the primary relationship The covenant being The primary relationship Is that my wife Just gets to be married To a sinner Who isn't going to fix her Or complete her Or make her happy All the time It's not going to happen I'm not going to cure her loneliness All of that's found in Jesus And if it's all found in Jesus She can just be married To a guy who messes up terribly a lot And still be okay Single people You're not going to find a person Who's going to fill you up Make you happy Complete you Just cure your loneliness
It's not going to happen Only Jesus is going to do that It's the only way that works That marriage is first and foremost A picture of the gospel I want to close on Telling you a story That I think helps us see The beauty of Jesus' love for us And what a covenant Gets to look like What it was designed to be There was a A guy named Robertson McQuilkin McQuilkin We'll just call him Robertson Because I can't say his last name He was the He was in ministry A good bit in his life He met a lady named Muriel Asked her to marry him On Valentine's Day
She said yes They got married in August They had a great relationship Loved one another Enjoyed one another They even were They were missionaries Overseas for a while They were doing ministry together About 30 years into their marriage They were out to eat And hanging out with some friends And Muriel tells a story And they all kind of laughed About three minutes later She starts telling the exact same story And so they were like Um What You know you just told that right And she She didn't She didn't remember That she had just told that
And she was like Oh no Sorry I must have just spaced out And they were like Oh okay You know And they just They moved on But over the next several months She began to do this more often To the point that They went to a doctor And she had early onset Alzheimer's And so At first this was okay I mean they were just trying To work around it She would She would forget She It began to Affect her speech
She couldn't kind of Find the words That she wanted to use And so she had to Kind of step back From ministry But they were still Still Everything was going well I mean you know She just was Continually kind of Degrading mentally And Um Then it got to the point Where she was only Comfortable Around Her husband Robertson The only person She would be okay with The only person She'd be happy with
When he wasn't around She'd get really scared She just kind of Was confused Didn't know what was going on And she was only Comfortable around him And so he was actually The president of CIU Had been the president Of CIU For Years And he stepped down In his speech He actually said It was one of the easiest Decisions he ever made Um Because his wife Needed him And so He stepped down Quit doing ministry
Realized he just Needed to be full time Taking care of her And so he did At first this was okay They could travel some But then that That got Untenable Because they would go To other Other places And she would just Forget who she was And where she was And she would get lost And at one point He even had to call The police To help try to find her So they quit traveling And then it became They could kind of Grocery shop together
And that was one of the Things they did together But then that even Kind of broke down Because she would Start putting a bunch Of stuff in other People's carts And then just take The cart and walk off And so they had to Just kind of quit everything They just were homebound And he says She was fairly easy To take care of She was pleasant And they just kind of But she began to forget How to take care of herself So she He had to start Feeding her And changing her
And he would take her And get her hair cut And he started realizing That the way her hair looked After getting her hair cut Wasn't the way it used to And so he called Some of her friends And said You know What kind of shampoo Am I supposed to use After haircuts Because he wanted to Keep her hair the way She would have wanted it Even though she didn't know She didn't know anymore You know What she looked like And any of those kind of things But he just wanted to keep Taking care of her About this point
He read an article That was like A Dear Abby Kind of letter Right in a vice column And basically The article said I'm in a marriage But my wife Is no longer Meeting my needs What do I do? And the vice columnist Wrote back And basically said You're going to have to leave Like it's just It's just going to be over Like your relationship If they're not meeting your needs You really don't have any choice And he says He remembers reading that And just going
I'm so glad That my needs are met in Jesus So that I can just love my wife So I can just serve my wife And I don't have to take from her I don't need her to fulfill me And so it just kind of keeps going Eventually got to There's a story There was a guy over at his house At one point And his wife Really at this point Was mostly just in bed And he was having to do Pretty much everything for her And she'd even gotten Kind of confused As to what was happening And so there were times Where she would kind of Fight with him a little bit Because she just didn't know What was happening
When he was trying to feed her And change her His friend was over They were talking And he heard Muriel was awake And then he went into her room And he came walking back out And he was smiling And he went and got this little flag And he walked out To his front porch And he stuck a flag In a little flag holder And walked back inside And this friend The person visiting with him Said what was that about And he said well Muriel doesn't remember Who anyone is anymore Doesn't even remember Who I am And
But sometimes in the morning She smiles at me She smiles like she recognizes me And whenever she does that I want to be able to celebrate And I want my friends And neighbors to be able to celebrate So whenever she smiles I just go put a flag On the front porch Because today is a good day My wife remembers me He says in the last four years Of her life There were no more Smiling days But that was fun He even At the point When she started Forgetting who he was He had Some friends come to him And say hey
You've done a beautiful thing With Muriel But that's not her anymore She doesn't know who you are That's not your wife anymore It's not the same Muriel You can be done You can be done with this And his response was no Jesus doesn't give up on me I don't return his love The way I ought to He just pours love out on me I don't exist in a relationship With Jesus the way I'm designed to But he pursues me And never stops And he took care of Muriel For 25 years Before she passed away And he's written some books And some articles And he says that it's one of the He wouldn't trade it for anything
And not just because She was lovable And he wanted to Take care of her But that it was the best picture He ever had Of how Jesus loved him That Jesus absolutely pursues us Regardless That he loves us Regardless of what we bring To the table And that's what marriage Is designed to be It's designed to be This covenant That is so overwhelmed By the grace And the love of Jesus That we're perfectly free To continue to pour out And to give And to give And to give
Whether we're receiving or not And we're perfectly safe Where everything That would be a deal breaker Everything that would make Our relationship terminal Gets to be the most beautiful part of it Just like our relationship With Jesus God I pray I pray that we would be Filled up By you That we would be So overwhelmed By your love And your grace for us That we actually Would be able to To love our spouses well To be single well Knowing that completion And fullness come from you I pray Lord
That you'd help us to exist And Okay so We're going to take Just a little bit of time To answer some of the questions That you guys have had Throughout this series I appreciate You guys actually Sending in questions Taking the time To really wrestle with What does the Bible say About gender About marriage About sexuality It's actually been really good For us to wrestle with Some of the questions That you've sent in We've actually already answered With some of the sermons So if you've missed a Sunday
I would encourage you To go back and listen through And catch up And some of the things That you've asked Will be addressed In the weeks to come But just wanted to take A little bit of time And go ahead And answer Some of the questions Today So I'm going to kind of Walk us through our questions And we'll do our best To answer them So let's start with Question number one What are good principles For biblical dating Biblical Not Like I've heard your stories
So let's do biblical Yeah not Chet's Dating advice First of all Dating is a little bit Foreign to the Bible Because that's not really How they did stuff So there isn't like A chapter We're not going to be like Oh read Ephesians 2 That's the dating chapter It's not really there Here Some of the things That you need to just Understand Kind of fundamentally To help in Biblical dating One is Marriage is a covenant So the purpose
Of dating Is for marriage That's the The place that God has designed For romance And sexuality To play out Is in the relationship Of a man and a woman In a covenantal marriage So realize that Dating is To prepare for that Look for that Pursue that And not anything else So it isn't just for Fun While it should be It's not That's not the goal And since the last Two weeks
Since we've talked About masculinity And femininity Specifically within A marriage Those things apply But we all have Human relationships And so the things That men specifically Are called to Like cultivate Provide Protect And the things That women are called To Start working on Those now Regardless of Whatever that Relationship looks like So all of those Things still apply
To as well Within that Relationship Alright cool Let's do another one Why was it okay For bible figures To have multiple Wives but not Now Okay so That In the old testament There's a lot of Guys that have Multiple wives One of the reasons That question comes Out that way Is our assumption Is that whatever Is said in the bible Is some sort of a You should do this
Here's a command Here's a command To do and not to do The bible isn't Just that It's actually a lot Of stories Of a history Of a people And there are Commands And things Where it says Do this Don't do that This though Comes out of It's never a command To do it There aren't any Direct prohibition Against it Other than What we just
Looked at today Where marriage Was designed To be between One man One woman They were to Become one flesh And stay that way And if you Read through The old testament There is never One example Of polygamy That is held up As a good idea They all Go very poorly So a little bit Of when people Say well the People used to Have multiple
Lives in the Old testament They never Said it was Bad It's like if You watched Schindler's list Or remember The titans Depending on Age group here And what you've Seen and what You remember And at the End you said Why didn't Somebody come Out at the End of the Credits and Say hey Racism is
Bad Like why Didn't someone Tell me That It's like Dude the Story told You that Like you Saw it You saw That this Was a Terrible Idea So we See that God Designed it To be One way We see A bunch
Of people Carry it Out another Way And all Of those Are bad Like it Never works Out well It's never Like oh This polygamy Relationship Is great So and Then in the New testament There are Specific places A couple Different places Where it's Like this
Isn't okay And we see Where Jesus Steps back In in Matthew 19 And says No no no This is what It was designed To be So those Are really Just stories There's a lot Of really Messed up People Then the Question becomes Well why Does God Bless them If they're
Doing bad Stuff And the Answer to That is Who would He bless If he Can't bless Sinners Like if he Can't step In and work On behalf Of sinners You just Want him to Kill all Of us Right now And I Would vote No Let's not
Have him Do that Let's have Him work On our Behalf Even though We're Messed up And so All right Good next Question Why would Homosexuality Still be a Sin when Other old Testament Laws No longer Apply Okay so That is
Specifically Addressing In the old Testament Laws Leviticus Deuteronomy Leviticus 20 Specifically It says that Homosexuality Is a sin And then there Are other Old testament Laws like Don't cut The corners Of your hair Don't eat Shellfish Don't eat Pork And it's
Like okay I'm eating Pork Why are you Still holding Up this Other Why are you Eating bacon And telling me That homosexuality Is a sin First of all The old testament Law is broken Up into a Couple of Different Kind of Categories Ceremonial Law Moral Law
Civil Law So they Were a Nation So they Had civil Laws Like here's What to Do if Your bull Kills Another Bull Like the Way we Have road Laws And stuff And if You go to Australia And you
Ride on The same Side of The street That we Do you're In trouble Over there But over Here Does that Make sense Okay so Like there's Some civil Laws We're not In the Nation of Israel Anymore There are Some ceremonial Laws
That had to Do with The temple And cleanliness And then There are Moral laws And the Moral laws Are the Ones That we More Carry over Which is Like don't Date your Sister Like we Bring those Along with Us The other Short
Short answer To this Question is That the New testament Still says That homosexuality Is a Sin Now That's the Short answer To answer That question Homosexuality Is still A sin In the New testament And most Of the Moral laws Are still Going to
Carry over From the Old testament That's not A very Helpful Complete answer So let me Say a few Other things To be a Little more Helpful here One is As I Answer this Question And try to Answer it A little bit More fully If this Is something You actually
Legitimately Have a Question about Or struggle With I'd love To grab Coffee With you And have A conversation That it's Not going To be Answered Most helpfully Like this Second is Two weeks From now That's what Our sermon Is going To be
Mostly About Is how In Christianity Do we View this And approach This In a Healthy Biblical Way So I would Encourage you To be Back Two weeks From now Let me Say a Few more Things One is
Homosexuality Is listed In the Bible As a Sin Along With Other Sins It Also In the Bible Is treated As action So to Say men Who practice Homosexuality Not as Personhood Identity Orientation
Like it's Not addressed That way In the Bible Meaning That we Hold up Our sexuality As who We are In our Culture Because we Have begun To elevate Sexuality To a Place it Doesn't Deserve To be We believe That sex
Is ultimate That romance Is ultimate And so When we Do that We begin To say If I Feel a Sexual Feeling That Identifies Me We talked About this A couple Of weeks Ago So when We say Homosexuality Is a
Sin It actually Turns Into A personal Attack Whereas the Bible Is not Approaching It as A personal Attack Because the Bible Is approaching It as No It's not Orientation It's the Action That is a Sin
So when We act On So it's The same It'll be Enlist With perjurers And liars And the greedy And all this Kind of stuff And we'll spend Some time Looking at That next Week So it's Addressed As a Sin Action And is The same
As other Sins Is not Elevated As one More special Or deserving More of Aggression Or anything Like that It is a Sin Like other Sins And if Someone Struggles With that In our Church Family Or if You're here
And you Struggle With that Join the Club of Sinners Who trust In Jesus That's That's Who's here Yeah And that's Good I think Our last Question Has something To do With that How should Christians Interact With the
LGBTQ Community I'll answer That one Like Jesus Like Jesus Jesus Spent his Time With Types of People From all Kinds of Different Backgrounds Different Belief Systems All kinds Of Different Things And Jesus
Was loving And he Was Welcoming And he Was hospitable He went Out of His way To build Relationships And so If your Relationship With someone Who would Identify in This community Is just Based off Of their Sexual Preference Or orientation
I would Challenge you To grab A cup Of coffee And get To know That person On a More Deeper Level The church Should be A place Where we Welcome People Of all Different Backgrounds Where we Can lovingly Engage
With what Does the Bible Say How does The gospel Impact our Lives Specifically When it Comes to Areas Of sin And how Is Jesus Better than Those things And really That question Could be How should Christians Interact With our
Friends Who sleep Around How should Christians Interact With my Friend Who steals All the Time Like it It's Just a The Bible Is going to Treat that Homosexuality As a Sin Not as Any kind Of special Identifying
Marker That makes You a Certain type Of person But actually We just The same Way you Would love And be Gracious Towards Everybody Else So we're Planning to Do Q&A On the Last Sunday Of this Series as Well so If maybe
Some of Our questions Have sparked Other questions You can turn Those into The give Box or you Can do it Through facebook Twitter you can Do it online There's a ton There's a ton Of different Ways you Can do it That's Can do it I believe You can Rak
