Hate-Filled Bigots and Hospitality
The Church has gained a reputation over the years as being intolerant, closed-minded, and bigoted. And to be honest, some of it is probably deserved. But what if there was a way to believe faithfully while still loving extravagantly? What if Christians were better known for the openness of their homes than the slogans of their picket signs?
This week's sermon comes with an added Q&A session with one of our Community Group Leaders, Jordan Surratt.
Transcript
Well, good morning. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are in our sixth week, sixth and final week of our Theology of Sex series. I know many of you are thinking, man, I'm about sick and tired of talking about sex. So this is the last week.
We'll be spending any significant amount of time on that. But what we're going to say today really is a culmination of all the things we've said throughout this whole series. So this is more, maybe more than any other series. This series has kind of built off of what we said the previous week. Even the series where we walk just straight through books. This series has been basically we've got to get this concept so we can.
I'm going the wrong way. We've got to get this concept so we can discuss this concept. So we can discuss this concept. And we've kind of just built off of everything we've been saying. And so we're going to tag back to a lot of those ideas today as we talk through this issue. We're going to be discussing homosexuality and how we ought to respond and interact with that from a biblical understanding.
And so before we hop in, we're going to pray and then we're going to get started this morning. God, I pray that you would give us grace as we study your word. That you would help us to be gracious and loving to one another. And that you'd help us to really approach this difficult topic that is highly polarized in our culture. In a manner honoring to you and loving to others. And so God, I just pray that you'd bless us this morning as we as we seek to understand your will for us and your will for for your creation.
So God, we praise you and we thank you in Jesus name. Amen. So just just go with me for a second. Imagine remember back to middle school. For some of you that that's going to take a little more work for others of you. That was a couple of years ago, so it should be pretty easy.
Remember back to middle school and kind of just imagine for a minute that just kind of as as puberty began to hit you, which it hit people in different stages. And some people it was like it attacked them overnight and other people it like dragged it out for years. But just kind of begin to imagine with me for a second where you begin to just your body starts going through changes. So if you're a guy, maybe like your voice starts cracking. So like you're trying to talk and it just does that for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Which makes it really hard to like talk to humans without being made fun of and maybe maybe for girls like there's just maybe your parents began to let you I don't know like shave your legs or wear makeup. I don't know what happens with girls going through through all that. It was hard enough for me on my own. I wasn't trying to learn what was happening with y'all. But like you just you just begin to like the world just starts kind of changing around you.
And so for guys, maybe you spent way too much time looking at your armpits in the mirror to try to see if you were growing any hair like I don't I don't know. But just this stuff begins to change in you and you start realizing it's like in the movie Bambi where everybody gets Twitter painted in the spring. It was like suddenly in middle school all the guys started like you just started noticing the opposite gender. Like there was just this moment where it was just like there are girls here. And like I never really thought about how much that's going to impact the rest of my world. Like there was just kind of these moments.
But just imagine for a minute that when when that began to happen, when you began to have desires, sexual thoughts, when you began to have attraction to people in a whole new way, that it that it was the same gender. But just as that began to happen, you just began to find that I'm not attracted to what it seems like everybody else. Like I'm not I'm not experiencing the world the same way that everyone else is. So when I'm in the locker room changing and they're talking about the opposite gender, like I just I don't connect with that. And and I'm beginning to realize that my whole experience is just a little bit different.
And the amount of questions and confusion that would come along with that to begin to ask him, am I gay? What does that mean? Will I always be like this? Is there a way to to change this? Do I tell people what will they say if I tell them? How will they respond?
What happens to me if I tell people this? What happens to me if this is true? If this continues this way and just the amount of inner turmoil and pain? And confusion that just applies to all of life as you begin to try to just understand your place in the world, because because middle school and high school begin to be that anyway. Like you're trying to figure out who am I? Who am I going to be?
And you're basing that so much off of how people respond to you. So it's really interesting if you're around middle schoolers or high schoolers. They're a different person every time you meet them, because sometimes they're trying to be like, I'm going to be quiet and brooding. See how this works. Or I'm going to try to be a clown. I'm going to try to make everybody laugh and see if that works.
Like there's just this constant, I'll try to be really smart. I'm going to act like I don't understand anything. And you're waiting on your body to try to tell you, like, am I going to get really tall? Am I going to be athletic? Is this, like, what's going to happen here? And then add on top of that, I don't even understand my own sexuality.
And I'm beginning to realize that this puts me in a very small minority among everybody else around me. And then looking into our culture and realizing that it's so absolutely polarized. That on the progressive side, people who would refer to themselves as progressive, they're going to say, you need to just embrace your desire. You just, that's who you are. You found out your identity. You need to pursue that.
That's going to define you. And then on the other side of that, it's like this, maybe people made fun of you. Maybe people talked about you behind your back just based off of your mannerisms or the way you act in certain situations. And you begin to realize that there's not really a middle ground for you when it comes to culture. There's no way to just approach this in a non-polarized way. No way to process it in a non-polarized way.
And so when we begin today to discuss homosexuality, which has become absolutely polarized in our culture, we're talking about real people made in the image of God and loved by God. So absolutely loved by God that he would go to the cross and absolutely in a situation where struggling through. What does it mean to be safe? What does it mean to be me? What does it mean to be loved? What does it mean to exist with this?
And so as we talk about it today, I just want us to realize that we are going to discuss the logical end of it. We are going to discuss what the Bible says about it. But we also have to realize that we're talking about real humans, valuable based off of the fact that they were created in the image of God and that they're loved by him. And so we just want to be able to enter into it, understanding that. Now, the church has existed for over 2,000 years. Some would argue it was when Jesus kind of in Matthew 16 begins to say, I'm going to build my church on this, this proclamation of the gospel and those that proclaim it.
Some would say it specifically happened at Pentecost when the Holy Spirit filled 3,000 people and made them into the church. But it's existed for over 2,000 years and there has been agreement across the board with what the Bible says about homosexuality. Even as the church went Catholic and Protestant and there was Eastern Orthodox and like the church split at different times there, up until the last 30 years, 50 and maybe some really progressive circles, has there ever been any question of what the Bible has said about homosexuality? Now, there have been people who have outright rejected what the Bible has said throughout history and that's one thing.
But we've only recently begun to approach the text and say it doesn't actually say what we've always said it says. And so as we get into this this morning, I want us to realize that what we're going to do, I just want to walk us through what our plan is for today. We're going to lay some groundwork to try to even be able to enter into the conversation. We're going to spend a little bit of time talking about what the New Testament actually says about this and how we ought to understand that and some of the common kind of pushbacks on what the Bible says. And then we're going to spend a good bit of our time just talking to the church and how we ought to respond, how we ought to think and treat people.
But this issue has become massively polarized to the point that there's no way for me to say things in a way that everybody leaves happy. So welcome. It's not going to happen today. Do try to be a couple of caveats. I'm not trying to make any political statements. So if you hear some, that's just because it's become a very political conversation.
But I'm not making any political statements. I won't be endorsing any candidates or anything like that. Lord, help us with all of them. I'm not making any political statements. Anything I say will sound like I've said 12 other things. So just try to base it off of what I'm actually saying, not what it sounds like I could be saying.
And I've had to work really hard to just say what I've got here and not just things that pop into my head so that I can be as helpful as possible. Here's the other thing that we all have to realize. In our culture, on especially very polarized issues, what we're taught is if we disagree, you're against me. If we disagree, you hate me. Especially on this issue, this is dividing us. We're going to join teams.
And if we're not on the same team, then we're against one another. And can I just tell you, that's not helpful and it's not true. So we are absolutely able to disagree and still be friends. Absolutely able to disagree and still love one another. Still spend time with one another. Still hang out with one another.
And can absolutely disagree on very important issues. And still be gracious and loving to one another. And we even see in our culture where it's gotten to where if we disagree, I've got to call you a name. That we've just broken down what adult conversations should look like and how we ought to interact with one another. So, real quick, as we get started this morning, the Bible does teach that homosexuality is a sin. Now, we're going to go through and explain what the Bible teaches sin means so that we can better understand that.
But the Bible does teach that homosexuality is a sin. That homosexual Acts are a sin, more specifically. But before we hop in and start looking at some of this, I want us to see Romans 3. Because this is what we believe as a church. This is absolutely primary to us. So we're going to have it on the screen.
But you can jump to Romans 3, verse 23. It will be on page 611 if your Bible looks like this. Romans 3, verse 23. For all have sinned. Welcome. You're included.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. No one measures up. And are justified, made to measure up, made to be okay. By his grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Whom, that's Jesus, God put forward as a propitiation. Which means a blood sacrifice to turn away God's wrath by his blood.
To be received by faith. That is what we believe. That is the primary message of the church. Which is that all of us fall short. All of us sin. None of us bring anything to the table.
And all of us are only made okay and only made right by Jesus. Period. That's what we believe. That's what we're here confessing. That's why we started the church a couple years ago. That's why I'm here.
If this weren't true. If it weren't true that sinners could be saved by Jesus. I would be doing something else. Probably more lucrative. Just guessing. I went to business school and tried to make some money.
That's what I'd be going for. Just letting you know. I might not make money, but I'd try. That wasn't helpful. Anyway. That's what we believe.
That Jesus saves sinners and that's all of us. That what we bring to the table is essentially nothing. Just our sin that made us qualified for Jesus to save us and die for us. That's all of us. There's not one thing that the Bible doesn't say. These are good people and these are bad people.
Or these are the people that God likes more. And these are the people that God likes less. What the Bible says is all have sinned. All have fallen short. And all are made okay only through Jesus. And his work on the cross.
That's the primary belief that we have. And in order for us to even have a conversation about this. We have to understand that that's what we believe. That's ultimate for us. Okay. The Bible in that way is very progressive and inclusive.
Everyone is welcome. Because everyone has fallen short. And everyone is a sinner. And it's only Jesus that makes us okay. I now have seven quick points I'm going to try to make. And I mean quick.
Because I've got way more other points coming later. Our culture has a track record of being unloving. To those who struggle with same gender attraction. To the gay community. We have a track record of being unloving. Hateful.
Our culture just in general has not treated them well. And that is not okay. Especially for the church. Those who claim to know and follow Jesus. Those who claim to believe what we just read. Which is that all of us are only made okay by Jesus.
All of us have. The only thing that we've brought to the table. Is what should exclude us. There's nothing that brings us. Makes us included other than Jesus. The church should be the absolute safest place on earth.
Because there are no disqualifiers. Absolute safest place on earth. To struggle with anything. And so where the church has responded poorly here. We ought to repent. We ought to look different.
Because it's Jesus that makes us okay. Two. Our culture sees sexuality as identity. Just to be helpful. This is a bunch of stuff we need to say. It's not in any kind of particular order.
And it won't necessarily be like. How does one connect to two? It probably doesn't. Our culture sees sexuality as identity. Meaning that whatever kind of sexual desires you have. That's who you are.
So when someone says I'm gay. They mean that as a. This is who I am. This is my identity. The Bible doesn't treat your identity that way. Your identity actually transcends sexuality.
It's much bigger than your sexual desires. Three. The Bible does not really speak to sexual orientation. Does not really speak to having a desire for someone else. We'll see where it kind of. It talks about it.
But it's not addressing that as sinful. To have a desire for someone else. To have a desire for the same gender. The Bible is going to specifically say. That homosexual activity. Is sinful.
So the Bible is going to say that. Having a thought or a desire for the same gender. It doesn't ever really get into that. It does say that lust is sinful. Which is where we have a thought or a desire. Heterosexual or homosexual.
And then we actually take active work in our minds. With that. So Martin Luther put it this way. When he's talking about sexual temptation. That you can't stop birds from flying over your head. But you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.
And that's the difference between having a sexual thought or a sexual desire. And lusting. Where lusting is where we actually take kind of an active part in choosing to let those thoughts grow. And take action in them. But the Bible isn't going to address desire as much as it's going to address action.
So the Bible isn't specifically after someone who has same gender attraction. As much as someone who Acts on it. Four. Sin is not just the bad things that we do. So we are tempted to think that sin is just my bad actions.
Sin is actually searching for satisfaction in anything other than Jesus. That's why we read Romans when we first started. Where we said that ultimately our biggest problem is that we've put something above Jesus. And that's what leads us into sin. Most of the time it's something good. Something applaudable.
Something that we would see value and worth in. And then we've begun to pursue that over and against Jesus. Here's the other thing. Sin is actually born in biblically. Like we're born sinful. I have an 11 month old.
I'm not going to have to teach him how to sin. I didn't explain to him how to throw a fit when I take my iPhone from it. I didn't explain to him to love my iPhone like a psycho. Like he just sees it anywhere and he's like, he'll drop whatever he's doing. He picks it up. And if I take it from him, he's like, why do you hate me?
And he falls in a little pile on the floor. And I just step over him and walk away. Nobody had to teach him that. We're all born with certain sinful proclivities. We're all born that way. So when someone says, I was born this way, I've always only ever had sexual desire for the other gender.
Christians shouldn't respond with, no, that's actually perfectly a biblical idea where it's like, yeah, it just doesn't mean what our culture means by that, which is if this is my identity, if I'm born this way, then ultimately it's okay. So I'll give you another example. My family filled with loud, aggressive people. Willing to be violent. Anna's family filled with quiet, nice people. That won't, like Anna, if you call her the wrong name, if you're like, hey, Susan, come here.
She'll, she'll, she just comes. Like she doesn't, she's not going to go, my name's not Susan. Like I've been around her before where someone called the wrong name and I've had to be like, her name's Anna. And they're like, well, I've been calling her this for a long time. It's like, well, that's really on her, but I'm sorry. You're going to have to change.
So I've had to do a lot of work to make Anna want to like assault me. Like I've gotten her there. It just takes a lot of work. I've had to be really active in my pursuit of making her that angry. But other people don't have to do that with me.
Like just my natural proclivity, like you can get me to where I don't want to talk and I just want to punch you pretty quickly. And that's in, that's born into me. But what I don't say is, sorry, this is how I am. Like, I don't, I don't get to do that as much as I would like to. They're all, all of us have some natural proclivities, natural desires that are born into us that are not God's good design. And all of us have to fight against that.
So when someone says I was born this way, honestly, we ought to say, yeah, okay. That makes sense. But that doesn't change what the Bible says. Sin is a big deal because it is always harmful. And when God addresses sin in us, it is not because he does not love us. It is because he does love us.
The primary place where we see Jesus, we see God actively addressing sin is on the cross. That's the primary place where God proclaims actively sin is horrendous. Sin is destructive. And I love you enough to work on it. So we don't believe as Christians when we say something is sinful, that we're against someone or attacking someone.
We're being helpful. When my wife points out sin in me, as much as I sinfully want to argue with her, she's actually doing that because she loves me. She doesn't point out sin in people she doesn't care about. She points out sin in me because she cares about me. And that's the way the Bible treats sin. So when the Bible says something sinful, it's not mad at you.
It's helping. Secondly, Jesus' primary place that he addresses sin is on the cross, which is where he dies to save us. So we can't act like him addressing sin is somehow hateful. It's actually the most loving thing he does. There are people in our church family who have varying levels of same-gender attraction. They have helped lead groups, served on teams, led teams, been a part of groups, and have been actively following Jesus and repenting of sin.
Absolutely believe that you can struggle with same-gender attraction. And be a spirit-filled Jesus follower on his mission for his glory, 100%. I have no doubt in my mind. Culturally, you're going to kind of be forced to decide where you land on this issue. There's not really a middle ground. So if your response is, well, I just don't care, culturally, they're going to say, sweet, you've joined this team.
There's not really a place where you can just say, doesn't matter to me. Culturally, you're going to kind of be forced to be on a team. And so it's helpful for us as Christians to study the Bible and decide where we land and be, to be as helpful as possible. Okay. Now I want to kind of move to the current discussion we've got going on when it comes to this.
We're going to look at three specific passages in the New Testament. So people bring up Old Testament. When it comes to homosexuality, a lot of people use what they call clobber passages, which is they just kind of go to this one passage and they act like, see, there it is. And they call it a clobber passage because they use it to like assault someone. That's not helpful. It is helpful to know where passages are that point to things, but not to use them aggressively to like Bible bullets to shoot someone.
Old Testament does address homosexuality. It does address, it'll say not to lie with a man as you would lie with a woman. Give specific instructions. And so people a lot of times will say, well, yeah, but there's a lot of stuff in the Old Testament we don't believe anymore. A lot of stuff in the Old Testament we don't follow anymore. We cut the, we cut our hair, we can get tattoos, we can eat lobster.
So obviously the Old Testament is just kind of discredited. There's a very long, helpful answer to that, that we're not going to get into because the New Testament talks about it. So where the New Testament does release us of some things like the dietary laws, it specifically continues to address other things like homosexuality. So we're going to spend the majority of our time focusing on the New Testament passages. If you'd like to have a discussion about the Old Testament passages, I'm sure Raz would love to talk to you about it, but I'll also talk to you about it if you want to. One of the other arguments, before we even get into, this is the kind of a prohibiting argument before we even get into looking at the Bible.
People say things like, it's 2016, aren't we over this by now? Or haven't we just progressed? Like there's this idea that progression of time just makes us better. And that idea came from Christianity and then got kind of co-opted and changed. So one of the things that you'll hear is just like, come on, like that's last century.
We're moving on. And the reason that that idea came around, historically people thought that that history went in a cycle. Christianity showed up and was like, no, there's a God who created everything. He has a beginning point. He has an end point. And he's working it towards something.
There's a redemptive history playing out. And so it's a Christian idea. Then the Enlightenment took it and basically just moved God out of it and said, as long as we move forward in time, everything gets better. Which once World War II happened, we should have gotten over, but we kind of haven't. We should have, be able to look at World War II and just go, no, time doesn't just fix things. All we've successfully done is figure out how to kill each other more efficiently.
But people still make that argument, which is really just a disconnect from what a Christian idea that God is actually working to redeem history. Also, people say things like, well, of course, Paul would say, that's who wrote some of these New Testament letters. Of course, Paul would say homosexuality is a sin because he wrote that such a long time ago. Meaning that the further you move back in time, the more prudish people get. Like, it's like you just go back and at some point you just, everyone turns into like a Puritan or a nun. Now, anybody who studied history doesn't really make that argument because the Romans and the Greeks, the Greco-Roman world was way sexualized.
Like massively. The reason Paul addresses it is because it was actively a normal part of life for them. And so he's going to address it. He's not addressing it because of course everybody agreed this was sinful because they were all old. He's addressing it because it was an act of practice going on. Okay.
The Bible clearly, directly, and repeatedly states that homosexual activity is a sin. None of these address same gender attraction as sinful. But there's been throughout history no real question about these verses. Go to Romans 1. We're going to spend a little bit of time there and then we're going to look at the other two where the Bible specifically addresses this. And I just want us to study them for a second and try to learn a little bit.
So Romans 1. We read this when we started this series. We read this a lot because this actually encapsulates sin for all of us pretty clearly. So we'll be in Romans 1. It's on page 610. If your Bible looks like this.
We're going to start in verse 18. For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them because God has shown it to them from his invisible attributes, namely his eternal power and his divine nature have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse for although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him. But they became futile in their thinking and their foolish hearts were darkened, claiming to be wise.
They became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. So we're going to pause there for just a second to catch us all up. God made the world. We notice that there's a creator. He has designed the world to reflect him, to point back to him from the Grand Canyon to massive waves. It's to bring glory and honor to him.
And we reject him and worship other things. That's our primary issue for humanity is that we put other things above God. We'd rather have money. We'd rather have power. We'd rather have a relationship. We just raise up all these other things, pursue those as primary, pursue those as that is what fulfill me.
And that's the major issue. 24. Therefore, God gave them up in the lust of their hearts to impurity, to dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason, God gave them two dishonorable passions. So it's now talking about passions, desire for one another.
Their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature. And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless Acts with men, receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error. One of the results of this, and we talked about this in week one, is that we become overly sexualized, overly led by our lusts when we've begun to place something else above God, because it's easiest for us to believe that another human will fill this void. Money's great, but relationships hold more promise because we were made in the image of God.
So that's one of the things we talked about in week one. Specifically out of that, Paul's going to address that they exchanged natural relations with one another with the opposite gender for relations with the same gender. One of the arguments made against this passage currently is, first of all, it was saying that they weren't being true to themselves, that they were, it was heterosexual people who denied their natural desires for one another and pursued against their own natural desires, relationships with one another. Meaning that the biggest problem is not being true to yourself. The problem with that argument is that Paul says they were inflamed with passion for one another.
They burned with passion for one another. So it wasn't just their activity changed, but their desires changed. The second thing that is argued here is that Paul doesn't understand the concept of soulmates. Not the concept of soulmates, concept of orientation. That really the biggest problem is he didn't understand that people could actually be oriented in such a way to only be a desire of the same gender. The problem with that is in Plato's symposium, he talks about the idea of soulmates.
And when he discusses the idea of soulmates, we talked about this the other day for those of you who are looking for your soulmate, that originally the gods made people with two heads and four arms and four legs and then cut them in half and then you spend the rest of your time looking for your soulmate. So the problem with you looking for your soulmate is that this is a myth and it doesn't exist and you'll never find them. You're as likely to find a unicorn or Nessie. But in that myth, some of the people were male-male, some of them were female-female, and some of them were male-female. They had the idea and understood that some men were going to spend their life looking for a man and some ladies were going to spend their life looking for a lady.
They already had the idea and understood the concept of some people are just going to be oriented this way, directed this way, whether or not they use the language. So it was a familiar concept to them, but Paul's still going to say that this was a problem. Here's the biggest issue with us because we elevate your desires. One of our only hero stories left is the, everybody told you you couldn't be what you wanted to be and then you went and beat it anyway. Like that's one of our hero stories. Have you all seen previews for Eddie the Eagle?
Anybody seen previews for that movie coming out? If you haven't, this is going to be really hard for me to explain. Anybody seen it? Okay. It's about a really goofy, uncoordinated kid in England who wants to be an athlete, wants to go to the Olympics. The problem with Eddie going to the Olympics is that he's a really goofy, uncoordinated kid.
So there's no like real way he's going to do that because most Olympians are good at what they do and Eddie apparently is not good at anything. See how that works? Like, well, I'm not like going to go do the high hurdles or whatever. It's just not going to happen. So that's his problem too.
He's just, he can't. Then he finds out about the downhill super long ski jump. That's what it's called. Look it up. And decides he's going to do that because all he really has to do is like, bend, I don't know. It's probably way more complex than this, but bend and then not be afraid of dying.
I think that's basically the two qualifications. And the whole movie is that nobody wants him to do it because he's goofy and uncoordinated, but he does and does it anyway. And you can watch basically the preview and know what the movie is. And I still want to see it because that's our hero story. People told him he couldn't and they told him he couldn't and they told him he couldn't and they told him he was ugly and that was why he couldn't and he was uncoordinated. But then he can go do it anyway.
He's going to, he's going to thumb his nose at all of them and go accomplish it. And that's why when it comes to things like this, when it comes to your own personal desires, our culture just rallies around you and says, follow your heart, whatever you want to do. And if anybody tells you to stop and anybody tells you that you're wrong, you found your enemy and you found the person you've got to overcome so that we can make a really amazing movie about you. That's our cultural story. That's what we celebrate. And so when it comes to personal desires, we just come along and say, if you desire it, then it's real.
Pursue it. And if anybody tries to stop you, they're wrong, they're evil, they're against you. And you now know who your enemy is. The problem with that is that the Bible says that our passions and our desires and our heart are part of the problem. That our heart is actually deceitful above all else, that you've lied to you more than anyone else ever has. You've tricked yourself more than anyone else ever has.
And the other problem is it's just a small view of what passions are, how we associate our desires. Like we're really just saying, find something that you like, but we don't realize that's culturally connected. So let's take two men. One of them is an Anglo-Saxon way back in the day when they were super aggressive and right around just killing people. And the other person lives in Manhattan today. So another man lives in Manhattan today.
Both of them have the same desires. One of the desires is when anybody mouths off to them or stands in their way, they just want to harm them physically. Overly aggressive, want to harm people. The other one is they have same gender attraction. Now, in Manhattan today, the man who has both of those desires is going to say, my desires to harm people and crush my enemies is not me. And I need to suppress that and maybe get counseling because that's going to stand in the way of who I'm designed to be.
But they're going to look at their same gender attraction and say, this is who I am. This is what needs to be welcomed. And this is what needs to flourish because of our culture. But the Anglo-Saxon man is going to do the exact opposite. He's going to look at his desire to crush his enemies and go, that's who I am. Because his culture celebrates that.
And he's going to look at his desires for same gender attraction and say, I need to suppress this. This isn't going to help me. And so when we say, whatever desire you have, that's ultimate, we actually are taking a really small view of what desires, how they actually work as if we don't have competing desires. We're not understanding that our culture affects that. And the Bible says at the end of the day, your desires are messed up anyway. So you don't have to think about the logical stuff.
Just know your desires aren't helpful. You need to trust Jesus. Was that helpful? Okay. 1 Corinthians. It's going to be 10 pages over if you're in one of these Bibles.
This is another place that Paul addresses this. This is actually, we're in 1 Corinthians 6. We picked up right after this last week where Paul's addressing sexuality. Verse 9. Okay. We'll keep going, but we're going to have to come back to this.
A lot of times these passages get read wrongly as if the only thing that was written there was men who practice homosexuality. That's a long list. And that's just kind of stuck in the middle. What Paul's saying is all of those pursuing active sin are disqualifying themselves from the kingdom of God. They're not trusting in Jesus. They're pursuing their own desires.
They're idolaters and adulterers and sexually immoral, which sexual morality, we talked about it last week, is everything outside of monogamous heterosexual marriage as the way the Bible is going to hold up as the standard. The problem with us is that we want to point out one thing and say, see, see how that's a big issue? But we're not repenting of our own sexual sin. I'm acting as if my own heterosexual sin is okay or somehow blessed by God or somehow more acceptable than someone else who struggles with something else, and that's nonsense. But the Bible is going to list it as a sin with other sins that people struggle with and that Jesus redeems us from.
That's how he ends. Such were some of you, but you've been washed and sanctified by Jesus. It doesn't disqualify you from his love. It actually is what qualifies you. For Jesus to redeem you is your sin. And it lines up in these categories.
Now, people will try to argue in this one and in, even though there's some different words used, and in 1 Timothy, where we're going to go in a second, that we don't really understand what that word means, that it actually is referring to maybe pedophilia, or it's referring to unwanted sexual contact, or it's referring to promiscuous homosexual activity. The problem is there's not really, you're having to do work to make the text say that when the writing's pretty clear. And there's other issues with that that we'll see in just a second. So go to 1 Timothy. It'll be on screen, but if you want to flip over there, it's to your right, and it'll be on page 642.
Starting in verse 8. Now, we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down, for the just, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane. For those who, okay, so basically Paul's going to say the law is good because we're messed up. That's what he's, that's the point he's making. The law is good for all of us who are rebellious, because it helps us change. It helps us see our sins that will be pushed to Jesus.
For those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine. It accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted. Again here, it does specifically in 1 Timothy and 1 Corinthians, although Romans addresses it, it does say men. Romans does address female homosexuality. And the men who practice homosexuality was a much bigger cultural issue for them. That's why Paul's going to keep bringing it up.
Because women didn't get to do what they wanted to, but men could do whatever they want. So that's why Paul's going to keep bringing it up. But sexual immorality basically covers everything outside of monogamous heterosexual marriage, which is the goal. And here's the thing. I have a friend of mine. His name is Thor.
And he is a PhD in linguistics. Thor. Which means that, first of all, he's one of these guys who's like so smart. He's kind of, kind of can be awkward at times. Because he's so smart and he approaches everything like from a really like mental place, he can say things that other people can't say. Because it's like, there's no way I could say that without like laughing or thinking about the inappropriateness of what was just said.
But Thor can. Like he can just talk about whatever because he's just so academic. He was a PhD in linguistics and he knows language. And they were doing a discussion at Midtown Fellowship, which is where I was training there. He was a pastor in training there. And one of the things he said is he can go into all these verses and he can dazzle you, his words, not mine, with the Greek.
And make it say basically whatever he wanted to say. He struggles with same gender attraction. He struggles with this on a very personal level and says he's studied all the arguments against why the Bible doesn't say this. But none of them hold up. As much as he would like for them to be true, none of them hold up. All of them are weak understandings of the text.
And he said it seems as if people look at these passages and say these are the pillars holding up this argument. And if we can just knock down those pillars, then we would have the ability to basically pursue long-term, loving, homosexual relationships. And the Bible could be on our team. So they basically attack these verses. And so here's what he had to say. And this is a transcript.
So it's a terrible run-on sentence. Don't get caught up in the grammar. It's a transcript. If it helps you to read it, read it. But if you're a grammar person, maybe just listen because this was said out loud.
And so I'm going to read what he says, though. Even if you were to somehow take out those verses by reinterpreting them. He's talking about these verses. Or even if the Bible had never contained any verses that mentioned it. The biblical position on this issue is not resting on those verses. It's not resting on a few specific prohibitions.
It's resting on this gigantic tree trunk of the whole beautiful picture of why God put gender in the universe. And what gender and complementarity do. And how that runs through everything and all of creation. And his desires for intimacy. And his desires for life. It's this much, much bigger picture of what the Bible upholds.
And what the Bible says is the center. And what we should be running to is so unambiguous and so clear. So what he's saying is even if you took these verses out. The Bible's picture of what sexuality was meant to be. What we talked about last week is so clear. One of the things he says is because people think this is the pillars that I've got to knock down.
He said it's actually way more. It's held up by this massive tree trunk of God's good design for complementarity. God's good design for gender. God's good design for marriage. And for life together. And for creation.
And for the multiplication of the human race. And so he says it's this tree trunk of what God's woven into creation. He said it's actually more like you're climbing out on a few limbs and trying to saw those off. But in order to actually have the Bible agree with homosexuality as a perfectly fine way to live. You'd actually pretty much have to cut down the whole tree. And then you'd be left with no gospel and no Jesus.
And no real understandable picture of what it was designed to be in the first place. So the Bible is clear. And it holds up for us a good design that we ought to pursue and understand. Here's one of the major problems. We immediately say okay but what about love? What about long term relationships?
What if it's a committed long term relationship? What if they're good to one another? What if they love each other more than... Like there's so much messed up heterosexual relationships. And there's so many beautiful, loving, gracious, caring gay relationships. That why can't this be good?
Why can't we just look at this and say this is okay? Here's one of the reasons we make that argument. And here's one of the reasons that's so hard for us to respond to. Our culture says we've all bought into the idea that happiness is primary. That the purpose of life is personal happiness. That's the goal.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We've enshrined it. And then we've all agreed that the best way towards happiness is a romantic relationship. So if we've agreed to that, that happiness is primary and the best way to get there is a romantic relationship. The most cruel, harmful, evil things we can commit in our culture is to stand in the way of that. To tell anybody what we just said.
You can't pursue this type of relationship. That's not okay. The problem with that is that the Bible doesn't agree with either of those first two statements. Doesn't agree that your happiness is the point. You're going to have a really hard time forcing that on the text. I know people do.
I know someone who's stood up before. I had a friend who was a part of a church where they used to stand up and chant, money come to me now. Because God wanted them to be rich. And that was one of the prayers they would say. Read the New Testament. The call to Christianity is take up your cross, deny yourself, come die.
You're going to lose your friends. You're going to lose your family. This is going to go terribly for you. And then at some point after you've been tortured enough, you'll probably die. And guess what? It'll all be absolutely worth it.
Come take everything that has ever been a part of who you are and how you define yourself and lay that down for the God who died for you so that you might have a better eternity. You might have a real hope in something that absolutely matters. Everything matters. Jesus is going to tell stories about a guy who finds a treasure in a field and sells everything just to get that treasure because of how much more immensely valuable it is than anything else. That's what the Bible is going to say, that your happiness here is not primary. God loves you.
He's for your joy and your ultimate happiness, but that doesn't happen here through finances or relationships or anything else. And the Bible is also not going to agree with us that romance is primary, that it's the primary way to get to happiness. The Bible is pro-relationships. It's for love. It's not against it. I don't think it's primary.
It never holds that up as this is the way to pursue life. So when Christianity says, no, you actually should deny yourself, you should not pursue these relationships, we're not disagreeing with anything else the Bible says because we don't believe that happiness and romance are primary. Okay. Church. Four things for us and then we're going to do some Q&A. Four things for us that we have to realize in order for us to love people well and to act in such a way that someone who's a part of our church family who struggles with this can actually be loved, actually be welcomed, and actually live long-term pursuing Jesus.
Here's some things that have to be true. Number one, we can't keep pretending that happiness and romance are primary. As a church, the church in general can't keep buying into that idea. We agree to that, that happiness and romance aren't primary when it comes to someone who's struggling with same-gender attraction, but then we act like that's primary in all the other things we say. So every time you come up to a single person and go, have you found anyone yet?
Just keep trying. They're out there. Maybe you should lower your standards. Oh, I saw you talking to that person. Every time we do that, what we're doing is coming alongside someone and going, just remember where happiness is found. Just remember what life is about.
And it's nonsense. The Bible doesn't back you up on that. Perfectly fine for someone to pursue a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite gender, but it's not held up as supreme. Every time we say stuff like, well, I just know God wants me to be happy. How do you know that? Where did you find that?
You mean here? I doubt it. You mean long-term? Sure, yeah. And we see that on Jesus dying on the cross and calling us into a mission that matters so much more than everything else. That's his pursuit of our joy.
But I just enjoy my relationship so I know that God wouldn't want me to break up because I'm like, every time we say this stuff, we're not helping anything. And honestly, one of the major issues that those who struggle with same-gender attraction in the church face is not the sexual desire. It's that they're staring loneliness in the face. It's the emotional side of, I just want to be connected to someone. I want to be known and loved and cared about. And the church says your options are be celibate or pursue a heterosexual relationship, which to a lot of people who struggle with same-gender attraction, that's not really an option.
And celibacy just sounds terrible, not because of the sexual nature of it, maybe for some, but for a lot of them it's just that I want to be lonely forever. And here's what we're saying. Look, we know that happiness is primary and that romance is the only way to get there. I'm sorry. God's got rules. And then we're like, well, people are just going to keep pursuing this stuff and they won't repent.
And it's like, well, we pointed them to something that wasn't true. We kept holding up something that wasn't real and then acted like we were exempt from this. This false belief, this romance idolatry. All of us need to repent of romance idolatry. Some of you have stayed in really bad relationships for a long time or relationships that are really good but are outside of God's good design. And you're not repenting.
You're not changing. And we're all called to. And we honestly need to regain the biblical understanding of friendship. So one of the things that the, if you go to GayChristianNetwork.com, I think it's GayChristian.net. So the first website I said wasn't true at all.
It's the Gay Christian Network. One of the things they point to is they say, see, in the Old Testament the friendship between Jonathan and David was actually a homosexual relationship. The reason they're saying that is because we fall really short of the biblical idea of what friendship is supposed to look like. We're also approaching that in a very Western way, which is non-emotional. So like when David and Jonathan like cry and kiss each other, we automatically make that really sexual.
Whereas for Middle Easterners, that's not weird. Not sexual. Like it can happen in a perfectly non-sexual context. Did y'all ever see the pictures of George Bush walking down the street holding that guy's hand in Iran or whatever? Because that's how they indicate friendship. So he was with another leader and he held his hand.
And I was like, I remember seeing that when I was in high school. I'm going, that's super weird. I think we just have to go to war. I'm not walking around holding your hand, buddy. Like this is weird because I'm approaching that from a very Western mentality. But the truth is that the scope of emotion found in the Bible and the ability to love someone in a completely non-sexual way we've lost.
And so what we say is, yeah, the only real way to have actual friends is to get married. Like that's the only way you can really know somebody and really have intimacy and really over the term of life. And it's like that's foreign from the Bible and we have to redeem our understanding of friendship. Number two, we are all called to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus. So when you're living with your girlfriend but you're having a fit about someone who's struggling with homosexuality, it's nonsense.
When you won't repent of your sin but the gay's better, nonsense. It makes sense. The way that we get to grow together as Christians is all of us are called to take everything that we hold dear, everything that we hold in our heart that makes us us, all of our uniqueness and say, Jesus, you're king. All of us. And so then when we look at those, our same gender attracted brothers and sisters and we say, yeah, it makes sense because they see it. They see that all of us are repenting of sin.
All of us are fighting our own proclivities. All of us are fighting against our own sinful natures and all of us are seeking to pursue Jesus and submit everything to him. But when we act like, no, no, no, no, I'm okay. My porn struggle is not an issue. I am kind of fighting or whatever. But the fact that I'm really greedy, the fact that I'm really selfish, this doesn't really matter.
But you, big deal. I'm going to skip all the other things in that list. Big deal for you. Big deal for you. We have to all surrender and all deny ourselves. I have to all submit our sexual desires to Jesus.
The third thing is that the church has to actually be family. We have to actually care about one another and spend time with one another, relate to one another. Because honestly, it's the emotional side. It's the loneliness. It's the lack of friendship that makes it so untenable. When we say, you just got to be alone forever.
But if the church is actually what the New Testament holds up, where it's going to hold up consistently the church as family over and above nuclear family, then we begin to open our homes and invite people in to those who struggle with same-gender attraction or just our single brothers and sisters to come celebrate Thanksgiving with us. Come celebrate, quote-unquote, family time. Because ultimately, biblically, we're all going to die and we're going to be a part of a family. And I'm not going to be married to Anna anymore, but she will be my sister for eternity. And we get to celebrate that now, that we've been made into a new true family where God, through Jesus, has adopted us to be brothers and sisters.
And so one of the ways that we get to help those who struggle with this is by opening our homes and treating them like brothers and sisters, inviting them out to coffee, getting a conversation going, talking to them, being their friend, playing laser tag. We have an actual eternal family. Here's honestly, the LGBTQ community has been beating the pants off of the church when it comes to community, to friendship. In a lot of ways, it's really beautiful. It's what God designed it to look like, for them to care about one another, to love one another, to accept one another, not accept their sin as the church.
We would accept them and help them fight their sin the same way we accept everybody else in spite of their sin because it's our sin that actually qualifies us for Jesus to save us. But here's the other thing going on in the LGBTQ community. In the U.S., the most likely thing to kill someone who's a youth, get grades 7 through 12, anybody, is suicide. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth are more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide than their heterosexual peers. This is according to the CDC. They did a study on 55 transgender youth and found that about 25% of them reported suicide attempts.
25%! The Trevorproject.com says that LGB youth are four times as likely as their peers and three times likely if they're questioning to attempt suicide. And we're the church saved by Jesus in spite of our sin. And they're not welcome here? Not loved here? We bring nothing to the table.
You aren't special. And then we're going to look and say, but my sin's different than yours. No. This has to be the safest place. The most welcoming group of people you have ever met. That's so wildly welcoming that it makes people uncomfortable.
That they don't know how to handle it. I know you disagree with me, but you've loved me more than anybody I've ever met. I know we're not on the same page here, but you won't stop calling me. You won't stop inviting me over for dinner. Stop being my friend. No.
That's what we're designed to be. The most absolutely overwhelmingly welcoming people because we know that nothing makes us special outside of the blood and savior. The blood of Jesus who saved us from our sin. So number four is we have to actually believe the gospel. You have to actually believe that it is Jesus who has saved you and has made you okay in spite of your sin. Not because of your specialness.
Not because of your good behavior. That your sinful desires aren't somehow different or better than someone else's. You have to actually believe that it's Jesus that saves us. And if we do that, if we actually believe the gospel, then we're free to love one another, to care for one another, to accept one another in spite of our sin. And then continue to confront one another in our sin because we care for one another. Free.
Okay. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to do some Q&A now. And I'm going to invite my friend Jordan Surratt. He's one of our community group leaders. He's going to come up here.
Help do some Q&A. Jordan struggles with same-gender attraction. He's going to help us as we talk about this today. So if you don't mind giving Jordan a hand. So this is my good friend Jordan.
He helps lead one of our community groups, the Pine Ridge group. Yeah. Jordan, real quick before we get into doing some of the other Q&A, I want to ask you a few questions just to help. People out here and talk about this a little bit as a church family. Can you tell people who you are, catch them up a little bit on your story, maybe just like the two-minute version of from when you were born to the moment you just sat down on that stool? That'd be great.
All right. Got to move quickly. All right. So I grew up in southwestern Virginia. It's kind of very super traditional, heart of the Bible Belt kind of area. And so I noticed that I started having same-sex attractions around seventh grade, so puberty time.
And I found myself just like, this is going to sound weird, but like looking at my teacher. And it wasn't like in a sense of, ah, I'm super attracted to him. It was more of like an interest. I didn't quite understand what was going on inside of me. And I noticed that like my peers, they would all be like starting to date girls. And I'm just like, I don't get that.
That doesn't make sense. But you kind of do. And so it would just be a little weird or whatever just growing up. But all through my middle school years, high school years, and even partly into college, it was just because of fear and shame and things like that, I wouldn't talk about it. And so the very first person I ever told, I think I was 18 and a half. And so I went basically the majority of my life.
I guess it is the majority of my life. Still keeping up with the half years at that point? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first person I ever told was my cousin. That was after I started going to church. So I was already involved in a local church for about five to six months or so.
And I was just broken. And I could just feel God being like, you have to tell someone. You have to tell someone. I'm like, okay, the next person who comes up. And lo and behold, my cousin pops down in front of me. She's like, I got to tell you something.
I'm like, I do too. And so she was the very first person I told. Went off to college in Lynchburg studying religion, pastoral leadership. And I started opening up a little bit more as the years would go by. And then I moved down here. And I've been open with my community group, open with my friends, with Chet, with Matt, with Raz, and everybody else here that I love.
So you may have said this. Became a Christian in college? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my second semester of community college, I started following Jesus. Okay. And that's, yeah, about that time.
And during all that, like, I never really pursued a relationship with someone. I struggled secretly, and so, like, I couldn't have imagined, like, someone else finding out by me flirting with them. But, you know, like, I just struggled with things like pornography and masturbation and whatnot. Okay. Well, help us out this morning. Or help.
If there's someone in the room struggles with same-gender attraction or identifies as homosexual, maybe is a part of our church family, what would you want to say to them? How would you want to address them? Cool. Cool. Well, part of this is going to depend on where you are at in your own walk and how open you have been already. I found one of the most encouraging and helpful things to me, even though it was super hard, was just beginning to talk about it.
And so it would take years for me to really build up that courage. And I've been lucky enough to have never really had any kind of, like, anybody lash out at me or whatever. I've had a lot of people just like, well, I don't understand, and I'm really confused, and I have a thousand questions. But through them asking those questions and through them talking about it, it actually even helped me. And so my encouragement to you would be, if you are struggling with that, to find someone here. I think there's a ton of people in this room who love you and care about you and genuinely welcome you as family, as brothers and sisters.
And I think you're safe and loved and cherished. Cool. Another thing on that that I just want to help everybody here, when it comes to hiding sin or hiding any kind of personal struggle, if we don't talk to people, any people whatsoever, we kind of disconnect our ability to actually receive love. Because we'll always, when someone tries to say they care about us or say good things about us, we'll always just kind of discount it as, yeah, well, if you only knew. If you only knew the real me. And so there is something, too, when we're in sin or when we have particular struggles or whatever, being able to be honest actually opens us up to have people really genuinely care about us and us to actually be able to receive that.
All right. Okay. So I'm in a community group or someone out here is in a community group and someone in my group talks about this now, confesses it, says this is going on or I struggle with this or whatever. Help me, heterosexual white guy, respond well. Like how do we love people well in church family if that happens, if they talk about it? Yeah.
Okay. I want to break that up into two parts. Okay. One is short term and one is long term. Okay. You have to do whatever you want to with the question asked.
Yep. We'll do. We'll do. So short term, don't skip over it because you're uncomfortable. Engage them. Ask them questions.
Talk with them. Be like, what was that like? Like engage emotion. That's one of the hardest things for me has been just the emotion behind it. And check kind of talked about that a little bit in his sermon was just like the thing that hurts me the most is not me not having some sexual outlet. It is me more than likely being alone.
It is me more than likely not having someone who genuinely knows me and cares for me and understands me for who I am, which sexual sin and homosexuality or whatever isn't my identity. I am much more than that. But there are still some amounts of me being unknown, even now at this moment, because I'm constantly changing. I'm a different person all the time. But so ask questions like genuinely engage them.
Talk with them. And if you do, this is kind of going back to the second question. If you if you do open up, be willing to give some grace to the people that you're telling. So whenever I told my dad, he was just quiet the entire time and it took him a day to process through that. And he called me back. He's like, OK, you know, I got a ton of questions and we had like an hour long conversation, you know, but we be willing to give them grace because they're having to process through this stuff as well.
So that's kind of the short term. Love them. Well, love them. Well, hug them. Don't be afraid of them because they're terrified. I'm terrified.
OK, so ask questions. Yeah. Bring it up later. Yeah, I think that would be very helpful. OK, which is kind of the long term. You know, it's just like how if someone is like, hey, I'm struggling with a drug addiction.
You're like, OK, you don't mention it. Don't mention it ever again. You know, see how that's going to go for you. You know, that doesn't make much sense. So long term.
Yeah. Don't make everything about that. You know, I'm much more than my same sex attraction, but I struggle with same sex. Sex attraction. OK. And so long term, that would be talking with them, talking with me, talking with us, I guess I should say.
Loving us well. Inviting them into a family. You know, that's that's we already you know, we are a family so long as our faith is in Jesus. And so you are my brothers and sisters. I think for the longest time, like I wrestle a lot with this just imagery, this this picture of I'm a sheep who's outside of the flock and I'm really struggling, feeling like I'm part of the flock. And so that just that just makes it so much more easier for wolves to come in and snack snatch me, you know.
But I think that is just very common in people who struggle with same sex attraction. I've seen it so many times in a lot of my friends who I've spoken with who struggle with the same thing. They're just like, I can't tell anyone. You know, they don't I don't know what to do. I'm afraid. You know, it's just a consistent, constant fear across the board.
Even people who are proud, you know, they call it pride for a reason because they're ashamed and they feel guilty. One of the things you talk about being family, one of the things Thor has talked about before is that Kent Bateman is one of the pastors. He actually spoke here recently about going to planting in Knoxville, went to Thor and basically was like, look, I know you're kind of kind of pursuing celibacy, but I know you also have some desires to to be a husband, to be a father. Like that's part of what goes along with this. It's not just the sexual nature of stuff. And he was like, man, if you ever just get lonely, just come live with us.
Like he was about to get married to his wife, Anna, at that point. He said, just come. You can come live with us. You can help me father my children. You can help be a part of this this family. And and so there is room for that as you begin to build genuine, real relationships to just invite people in, divide them to be around, to be a part of your family.
The other thing, I think one of the reasons we don't respond when someone confesses sin is we don't know what to say, which actually means that we probably when we do know what to say are saying unhelpful things. And here's what I mean. When someone confesses sin and I'm like, oh, I got this because I've experienced that before. Mostly what I'm blasting them with is good advice. And so when confesses something I don't understand and I'm quiet, it's because I don't have any good advice. Our goal as a church family is to point people towards Jesus, which means that you get to respond to any sin because Jesus is the answer to all sin.
So let me just help you out there. If you're like, I don't have anything. Jesus, just Sunday school it. It's Jesus. Jesus is the answer. Like, just write that on your hand.
And someone confesses something. Go, let me tell you about Jesus. Like that's realize that ultimately it's Jesus that saves us and Jesus makes us OK. And you get to do that. You get to point towards Jesus in all of it, even if you don't know how to to be the most helpful there. And then, yeah, you can always ask questions.
I think that's a very helpful thing to say. OK. Yeah, I think that's what we'll take some Q&A kind of here together. And then appreciate you. Thank you for sharing all that with us. And we'll look at what kind of what's been sent in.
When it comes to the theology of sex, are there topics that are simply off limits for Christians? No. Let me caveat that, though. The short answer is no. The long answer is what's the point of talking about it? If your goal is, so Paul at one point talks about people having itching ears.
And I just think that's a helpful. If your goal is it just feels good to talk about sex stuff, you probably should stop. Like you should confess that to your group. And we should work on that together. If your goal is like I genuinely have questions. I want to talk about this.
There are words that are used in dirty ways, but they're also used to describe things. So like Miss Libby came up to me last week and was like, it's just so refreshing to hear a pastor say orgasm. And I was like, that's so weird that we can talk about this. But we're just having a straight up normal conversation about an actual thing that exists. And we have to use words to describe it. And so there are things you can talk about.
What's the point of saying it? Are you going for a flashbang or this will be exciting or something like that? So it's really more of a what's the point? So they're okay topics. What's the point? What's the context?
Why are you talking about it? Is it okay to discuss your marriage bed with someone other than your spouse? Okay. Okay. Yes-ish. Again, big question.
What's the point? What are you talking about? Like, are you just wanting to tell stories? Are you wanting to gossip? Are they sharing? And so you feel like it's your turn?
Like, no. How does your spouse feel about that? Have you talked to them? Are you talking to your spouse about your marriage bed? You probably should be having some of those conversations. But it can be very helpful to have some conversations that are, I need to discuss this with you.
I need to, I wonder if my heart's right here. I need to have some of these conversations that aren't detail specific, aren't any kind of, let me tell you, like, it's just, I need to talk about this for my own sake, for my own sin, for me to grow. And I'm trying to get some clarity on this, and I think that's okay. Some of it is you need to talk to your spouse. You need to talk about what they're comfortable with. And you need to not, the goal can't be, let me share stories or let me do this because it's, I think it's entertaining or interesting or anything like that.
It's got to be way more of a, I'm wanting to grow and I'm wanting this to be healthy, and so this is worth us having a conversation. Kind of how I say that, so. Can someone be in a long-term, committed, same-gender relationship and still be a Christian? I'm going to take a shot in the dark and assume you've maybe thought about this more. So do you want to give an answer to that, and then I'll kind of fill in if there's any.
The hard thing is, is I want that to be so true because of what we were talking about earlier. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to not have someone, you know, that I can talk to, that I can trust, that I can lean into. You know, it's just like, God, there's just this deep desire to just be with someone. And obviously with my heart, like, I have no desire to be with a woman, which means that my desire is to be with a man. But I can't just for biblical reasons, you know.
But in regards to this question specifically, yeah, there's the emotional side of it, and there's the, well, they love each other, and they're committed to each other. But in regards to any sin, you know, homosexual, heterosexual, it doesn't really matter. If you are a heterosexual couple who is living in a relationship outside of marriage, you're in sin. And so I think the real question behind this is, can, let me read it, can someone be in a long-term committed, unrepentant sin and still be a Christian? And I think the biblical answer is no. So I'll read things like when Jesus says, why do you say you love me, but don't do the things that I've commanded?
Or John in 1 John when he says, you know, if you're continuously living in sin, then you actually never knew Jesus. You never knew God. The love of the Father is not inside of you. It's not what we want to hear. It's not what I want to hear. But it's true and actually better.
Yeah, thank you. It's a massively difficult question. I agree with that. I think it's where we try to gauge it, where we try to look into a situation and say, well, is this person a Christian? How long have they been sinning? Do they know about the sin?
Because there's, like, ignorance. And I've had friends who became Christians and continued doing very sinful things until they got to that place in the Bible. And then they were like, oh, this is no bueno. And I didn't know. Like, and that's one thing. It's a, is it an active, unrepentant?
I know what the Bible says. I just don't care. I had another friend who said, well, I'll become a Christian. But if I become one, I'm not going to do that no sex thing. He wasn't married. And it was like, you don't understand what becoming a Christian is because you get a king.
That's not how you show up with a, all right, king, here are my terms. That's not how it works. And so I think, yeah, long, long enough term, unrepentant, unwilling to repent, non-wrestling with it, just I'm just going to do what I want to do here. The Bible is going to say, well, you probably never were. But can you be a Christian in sin?
Yeah. Can you be a Christian in struggle? Yeah. Can you be a Christian in fall on your face all the time? Yeah, that's why we're Christians. We're the first people who raised our hand and said, I'm really messed up and I need someone to help me.
So, yeah, that's helpful. One more thing. I think it's very telling because if someone has an idol in their heart, which is what they worship to be God, and then God confronts them on that sin, and they're saying, no, capital God, I'm not surrendering this idol. I'm not surrendering this lowercase g God. Then that's idolatry.
And it shows that they're not even surrendered to God to begin with. At least that's the way that I process through that. I think the Bible processes through it the same way. Yeah. Can someone who struggles with same-gender attraction be in Christian leadership? You're a group leader.
You want to answer that? Well, I'm a group leader. So I'm a group leader. Yes, the more the merrier. Can someone who struggles with any sin be a group leader? I hope so.
Yeah. Yeah, for real. For real. We are really – That would be a real short list of groups. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the question there.
So I think the key in that question would be the struggles with – so someone who's unrepentant, that becomes an issue. But someone who struggles with sin, that's every Christian in the room. Like that's everybody, every Christian should be fighting sin. And there would be no Christian leadership if you couldn't struggle with sin and lead. And so, yeah, I think the answer to that is are you fighting it, loving Jesus, hating sin, versus, no, just this is me. I've accepted it.
This is who I'm going to be, and I don't care what the Bible says. That becomes a problem. So, yeah. How should our beliefs on sexuality affect our politics? Okay, so just in general, whole theology of sex series and how should that affect politics? I said I wasn't going to say political statements.
I still don't intend to. I think you need to realize that your belief should affect your politics, should affect how you vote, should affect how you approach candidates, how you think about things. I think you need to also realize there is no political group that perfectly is backed up by Jesus. So when you read the Bible, you're going to see some things that are going to line up with our different political parties in different ways. And I think in America, especially during this time, we need to realize Jesus has an endless kingdom where he reigns supreme throughout all of eternity. And no political candidate is going to save us or fix us or make us whole or complete everything.
There was a Messiah. His name is Jesus. He will return and set up a kingdom that will last forever and you won't see a Messiah on any of the tickets. So, think about it. Have your beliefs affect your politics. If you're just like, no, I just don't even think about what I believe.
It's like that's a culturally given thing. That's foreign to the Bible. You should absolutely have what you believe affect how you vote. Christians are told, don't bring your Christianity into this room. And it's like, that's nonsense. Take it with you everywhere.
But realize that it's not ultimate regardless. But Christians should vote. And all the people you're going to vote for are going to have some things that are just completely messed up. Do you want to take this one? All right.
We're good. I'm going to pray. And Matt and Bianca are going to come back up and we're going to sing a little bit together. And so, I'll send it to you. Yeah, you can come on. No, we're good.
We'll move this and then I'll pray and we'll sing. Y'all thank Jordan again for hopping up here. Thank you. Father, we thank you that you're good. Lord, we thank you, Lord, that our sin qualifies us for you to be a very good and loving Savior. Pray, God, that you would help us to grow to be family.
To all of us repent of sin. For all of us to quit believing the lies about happiness and romance so that we actually, in our marriages, can just love our spouse well but without believing they're supposed to fill us up. That in our pursuit of relationships, we can love you more. And that in the midst of all of our life, we'll quit just believing the lie that you want us to be happy here in this moment right now. Rather than you want us to pursue you, which is an ultimate good. God, help us to believe the gospel.
And help us to love our city and our gay neighbors well. And all those in our church family who struggle with same-gender attraction. That they feel wildly loved and cared about and welcomed. Because you are our king. And we hold no other allegiances. In Jesus' name, amen.
Consumeristic Sexual Individualism
What is the purpose of sex? Should it be casual and convenient? Apocalyptic and ultimate? Or something different altogether? Is sex an appetite we satisfy, or a gift we enjoy?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We are in our sixth week of our Theology of Sex series, and today we are talking about sex. So if you are just now hanging out with us, that might not seem surprising. If you've been here for the other five weeks, you may be thinking, I thought that's what we were going to talk about the whole time. It's about time. Why have we waited so long?
It wasn't bait and switch. Really what it was is there's so many other things we had to say before we could ever talk about sex by itself, for us to even understand how God designed it and what his goal was for it and what his aim was for it. And so we had to kind of build a framework for God's good design for sex before we could ever even talk about sex. It's kind of like jumping right in and talking about trigonometry. If you don't know how to add and subtract, it's like we got to cover the basics first. We got to understand the framework here before we can we can talk about sex.
And so for five weeks, we've spent some time walking through different passages of Scripture, trying to understand gender, trying to understand God's design. And so I'm going to try to recap that a little bit, maybe using some different words to help us understand what we've been looking at for the past five weeks. So we talked about God created humanity in his image, that we were designed by God for his purposes. And what we're seeing there is that God, who is very different from us, makes us similar but different from him. So humanity made in the image and likeness of God is similar to God, but very different from God.
And hopefully we're all tracking with that. You're like God. You are not God. So just if you're confused about that, we can talk about it later. But you are not God.
You're like him, made in his image and likeness. And so there's this idea of similar but different. And then when God made gender, he did the same thing. He kind of followed the same pattern where he made both male and female similar but different. He designed us distinct from one another. And so it follows that same setup, that same paradigm of similar but different.
And then we saw that Christ's love for the church, Jesus' pursuit of the church in the cross, was his covenant love for the church. And that is where this very different being from humanity joins with humanity, makes himself one with humanity to join together in a covenant relationship and to make himself one. So the church is called the bride of Christ and Christ's body. So we're both his pursuit and what he loves and cherishes and also we're made one with him. And then we saw that marriage is actually a small picture of that. Marriage is these two similar but different beings coming together and becoming one and covenanting together with one another for a life of devotion and submission to one another.
And so we see that God designed humanity similar but different from him. He designed gender similar but different from one another. And then God through Christ makes a covenant with humanity and makes us one with him and that marriage is designed to be the same thing, to be similar but different brought together in a covenant relationship. And only in that relationship sex is designed to exist. So sex exists inside of this covenant relationship.
And so we've kind of walked through all of that. And now we're going to spend some time today talking about sex. So we're going to go to Genesis 2 real quick. You don't have to flip there. We're going to have it on the screen. We've gone there every week.
You should about have this memorized by now. This is vastly important for our understanding of who we are, how we were designed, and how we view and understand God and understand our place with one another and understand sexuality. So it says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And so we spent time last week talking about this. This is the covenant relationship in marriage, that two become inseparably one. So Paul's going to go to this verse in Ephesians 5 and say, this actually gives us a small picture of the love that Christ has for the church, how he dies on her behalf, how he sacrifices to pour out his love and to just give and just to lavish love on his people.
And that's the design for marriage. And then Jesus is going to go there in Matthew 19 to say that whatever God's brought together, we're not supposed to tear apart. And so then it says, And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. This is the very beginning of Scripture. In the very first few pages, what we are given is that God creates humanity distinct from himself. He creates gender distinct from one another, and he designs them to be brought together.
And he sets them in a garden naked without shame. And then he tells these shameless nudists to be fruitful and multiply. It's one of the first commands that God gives in Scripture. And so from the very beginning of humanity, God designs covenant marriage and sex and sexuality to play a part in his good design for humanity. Now, in our culture, jump ahead thousands of years, we, you would not have to do much cultural research at all to see that we have begun to place a lot of value on sex. You can't stand in line at the grocery store without looking over at the magazine racks and seeing that we have concepts like sex sells, but you can't look at a magazine rack without seeing little on the sides.
It's not always the main thing, but they'll be on the side, this little article tells you what's going to be inside it, and you'll get five tips on how to wow your man. Seventeen tips to a sexier summer. Thirteen tips for making your bed the best place ever for sex or whatever. Like, there's just all of these kind of, and it's like, really, farm and garden? Come on, man. Like, take it easy.
But it really, we've overemphasized this. You can't watch a TV show, watch a movie, without some sort of message about sex and sexuality being pumped into our brains. And now we have the pornographic revolution that has come with the internet, and we are overly inundated with sex and sexuality, and we have some competing views in our culture where we both, we say things like, when two people love one another very much, and we act like sex comes out of this emotional, deep connection, and it's designed to be love, and we call it lovemaking, and it's supposed to be this meaningful thing. And then we also, at the same time, will say, it's also kind of like a game of checkers, like just a recreational activity for enjoyment.
And it doesn't really mean anything at all, and it just kind of depends on how you approach it. And so what we need to do is to grow in our understanding of what the Bible says about it, how God originally designed it, because He's the one who invented it. I heard someone put it this way. God created Adam and Eve, put them in a garden, naked. He did not come back later and go, Oh my goodness, what are you doing? Like, He came up with the idea.
He invented it. He made it for a purpose, for a reason. And God's design for sex was to exist inside of this covenant relationship and to be a covenant renewal ceremony. So throughout the Bible, God makes covenants with His people, and then He has physical Acts, physical, tangible reminders that they go through to remind themselves of their covenant. So an example of that for us is my wife and I got married six, seven years ago, and we stood up in front of people and we held hands and we like said things to each other and we repeated after this guy and then we had to keep holding hands while he talked and I would kind of forget what we were doing and let go of my wife's hands and she still fusses at me about that so that when I do premarital stuff with people, I say, Hey, hold hands the entire time or your wife will never forget it.
Because it was like it was just going on forever and I just kind of let go and be like doing like this. But during that, what we said was we were making an invisible commitment to one another. But then we said we're actually going to take something visible, a tangible reminder, and we're going to use this to remind ourselves and to show other people what our relationship is designed to be. We have an invisible, physical, emotional, personal attachment to one another, spiritual connection to one another, but we're going to take a symbol. And it wasn't this one because this is like I'm on my third one because I keep losing them.
But it was something very similar to this. And we put it on my hand. We put one on her hand. She still has the same one. And we celebrated that this is a physical reminder of this spiritual, emotional, invisible reality. And sex is designed to be that in marriage.
Now, it's not as public as this one. It shouldn't be. You're doing it wrong. But it is a tangible, physical reminder of your vows, of your covenant. It is a covenant renewal that is designed to be. It is a covenant renewal that is designed to say all of me belongs to all of you.
Everything I have, everything I am, everything I will be, I sacrifice and submit to you. That's celebration of the covenant that you have. And that is God's good design for sex. He made it as an intentional covenant renewal ceremony inside the context of marriage. So as we walk through the day, we're going to continue to talk about that definition.
We're going to continue to pull that up. And we're going to hold that up as our, this is what sex was designed to be. Therefore, this can't be correct. So as we walk through and look at these other things that we believe about sex, we're going to hold that up and keep saying, because this is true. So from the very beginning of the Bible, it lays that out as this is what sex is.
And so for the rest of scripture, anything that falls outside of a covenant marriage, anything that falls outside of any sexual activity that falls outside of that is considered sexual immorality. It's outside of God's good design. So that's why the Bible is going to treat so many other things as, no, you're not supposed to do that because God's good design for it was very specific. So we're going to actually find a lot of help as we study this in first Corinthians. So if your Bible looks like this, go to page 620.
I'll give you a second to get there. Then we're going to pray. And then we'll talk a little bit about what's going on here in this passage before we kind of dive in and begin to look at what Paul's saying here. Okay. Let's pray really quick.
God, we thank you for sex. We thank you for the good that it is. We pray, Lord, that we would rightly view it, rightly understand it, that we would see the beauty in your design for it in a way that might cause us to worship you. We pray, Lord, that married or single, we would rightly appreciate, view sex so that we might rightly love and worship you. We pray that as we study this today, Lord, you would give us clarity and wisdom and lead us to repentance where we've begun to believe lies about this good gift. In Jesus' name, amen.
So Corinth, think Las Vegas. So the city of Corinth was what happens here stays here kind of a place. It was a port city. They had a very lucrative sex slavery trade, sex trade, and a lot of prostitution. They had temples with prostitutes. They had other regular just prostitutes.
And then they had a very, people would come in. They would reload their ships. They would re-get supplies. And people would go visit prostitutes. And so that was a big thing in Corinth. And in the midst of that, Jesus saved some people.
A church was formed under Paul planting churches. And Paul's, in this letter, writing back and forth with the Corinthians and coaching them up. And so it honestly, it's a young church. It reminds us some of us, reminds me some of us, where we've got a lot of people who've just met Jesus. If we asked you a couple years ago, would you be following Jesus, you would have laughed. But now there's people who are repenting, following Jesus, and just trying to figure out what that means.
And so they're writing a letter to Paul, and they have all these questions about sex and sexuality because their culture has just bombarded them with how to think about it. It's kind of like this. If it's raining really hard, even if you get an umbrella, even if you put on a rain jacket, if it's just pouring, I mean sheets of rain, sideways rain, when you get inside, you are still wet. You did everything you could to cover up, but you're still wet. And Corinth's culture and our culture is similar when it comes to the concept of sex. We can do everything we want to to try to protect ourselves or guard ourselves, but some of it still soaks in.
Some of it still gets into our thought processes, into how we approach it. And so they're writing to Paul saying, isn't this true about sex? Isn't this true about sex? And Paul is going to be responding. And so everything we see in quotations, that's Paul saying, y'all said this. Here's your answer.
So it's a Q&A session with the church in Corinth. And surprisingly, they have a lot of the same thoughts and questions that we have. So we're going to go through and see what they ask and how Paul responds to help us better understand God's good design for sex. So chapter 6, verse 12. In quotations, he's quoting them. All things are lawful for me.
And then he says, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything. So he's saying, okay, y'all said this, and it's in the context of sex. He said, y'all said this, and let me help answer that. So what they said was, all things are lawful for me.
And here's basically what their question was, what they were saying about sex. Question one is, isn't sex an individual and private matter? So when they say, all things are lawful for me, it's kind of like our phrase, well, it's a free country. What they're saying is, if it doesn't hurt anybody, if it's just my private business, why does it matter? Live and let live. If whatever I do in my own personal sphere doesn't matter.
And so sometimes this has been taught as what they were saying was, all things are lawful for me in Christ because Jesus has fulfilled the law for me. That's less likely because the Corinthian Christians weren't well-versed in the Old Testament and were significantly dealing with cultural issues. So really what they're saying is they're kind of repeating a cultural thing, which is, it's a free country. If I'm not hurting anybody, why does it matter? If it's my personal business, why does it matter? And so Paul gives a quick response to that and he's going to keep responding to it as he goes through the rest of the section.
But the first things he says are very helpful. So really, when we ask questions like this, there's an underlying belief system that makes us ask that. And so it's really the first lie that they believe and that we believe, because we say this same thing, is that sex is individualistic. That's the first lie that we believe when it comes to sex. That's what they were putting forth. Like, why does it matter?
It's just a private thing. Why does it matter what I do? Sex is individualistic. Now here's Paul's quick response to that. First of all, sex is an individualistic approach. Paul says it's not helpful.
And given the way he uses that phrase throughout the rest of his book, what he means is, nuh-uh. He's saying sex is not individualistic at all. It's not helpful. There are other people involved. So a quick recap of what sex is.
It's two people coming together. So when I say sex is just about me, then I'm doing it wrong because there's supposed to be two people coming together. It automatically means that there's someone else involved. So it can't just be an individualistic approach. It automatically affects other people. So Paul's response is no.
It's not individualistic. That's not a helpful way to approach it. Other people are involved. Other people, if you just approach it as what do I get out of it? If it's just a, it's about me and my enjoyment and my pleasure, then you've undercut and you don't even view it correctly. You're not approaching it correctly.
That's not helpful and that actually harms other people. And then he gives a response. So our immediate kind of pushback on that is, yeah, okay, sure, you can't say that sex with another person is just individualistic because other people are involved. But we've done a lot of work in our culture to make sex as individualistic as possible, primarily through pornography, that that can be enjoyed by yourself and does not harm anybody else. First of all, Paul's first response helps you because he says, no, it's not actually helpful in the context of community. Your life and decisions don't exist in a vacuum.
What you do does affect other people. And so when he says it's not helpful, he means it doesn't work well in the context of community, in the context of society. Looking at pornography creates a demand for pornography and pornography is videoed prostitution. It is videoed sex slavery. That's what the porn industry is. And studies are beginning to show that it seems that there's a link between pornography and an increase in sex slavery and sex trafficking because people are moving from what they're viewing to enacting that.
There's also a link now between males that view pornography and then how they treat a real female when they are with them in a very aggressive, domineering, physical, unromantic, unemotional way that is portrayed for them in pornography. And where young boys as early as 10 now is the average age of the boy seeks out pornography. At 12, most young men in advanced cultures that have the Internet have a significant exposure to pornography. A Canadian researcher went to do a study on porn use in college students, college males. When you do a study, here's how it works. You need the people you're studying and you need a control group so that you can compare them.
So if you were studying smokers of a certain age, you would need to find same gender, same age, non-smokers. The problem with his study was he couldn't find non-pornography users when he went to college age males. He could not find a control group large enough to use. So it would be like if everybody smoked and then you asked, does smoking affect you? And you said no. But then we also put out reports that said all humans get lung cancer by the age of 40.
It's just a thing that happens to humans. It's like, no, if we had a control group that showed non-smokers, we'd realize that wasn't a human problem. And so the problem with his study was he couldn't find people who had not been significantly exposed to pornography, and some of them for over 10 years. And here's what happens. That affects how they view females, how they approach females. It affects all the females who are looking at pornography, how they view males, how they approach males.
It becomes an unhelpful problem. But here's Paul's second response to that. But I will not be dominated by anything. When we approach sex in an individualistic way, specifically for our culture through pornography, it becomes very addictive. Sex was designed to be addictive anyway. It sets off the same pleasure sensors in your brain that other addictive drugs do.
So you were designed by God to become more addicted to your spouse. That was the way sex was designed. And inside the covenant of marriage, that's beautiful. Outside of it, that's kind of scary. Because it creates an addiction that is crushing people in our culture, that is crushing through pornography. There's a lady named Naomi Wolf.
She's just been doing some research on this. She was an analyst or an advisor to several different presidents, President Clinton being one of them. She wrote an article called The Porn Myth. And so here's what she says in that. But does all this sexual imagery in the air...
She's not a Christian, by the way. She's just been studying this. Does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated? So we act like we're free, we're open about it. Sex is free. It's liberated.
Or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, so addiction being dominated by it, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed food, supersized portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. But people are not closer because of porn, but further apart. People are not more turned on in their daily lives, but less so. Mostly when I ask about loneliness... She goes around to colleges and speaks to young adults a lot.
Mostly when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on the audience of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery, porn, is a big part of that loneliness. What they don't know is how to get out. Because of an individualistic approach to sex, which is not how sex was designed, it crushes our ability to have meaningful relationships because we only begin to respond well to pornography, and we begin to hold everybody up, every significant other, every person as a sex object, or we compare them to past relationships, or past videos that we have watched, and it begins to erode our ability to appropriately approach sex in the way that God designed.
I saw a guy doing a TED Talk, and he said that one of the problems with this, one of the problems with constant pornography viewership and then having real relationships, is that pornography viewership cuts out all of the beautiful stuff about sex, like conversation, laughter, touching with your hands, kissing, emotional connection. It turns it into this really male-dominated, aggressive, twisted, constantly changing to other things, and he said it erodes a lot of the beautiful... He said when he used to fantasize, this is not a Christian guy, he's just talking through this, that he used to think about having a conversation, and where that would lead, and how he... And he said once he began to view porn all the time, that wasn't there anymore.
There was no more intimate, emotional connection, because an individualistic approach to sex dominates us, becomes addictive, begins to control how we view it, and takes it out of what God designed it to be, which was not individualistic at all. So the major problem with this is this is a massive misunderstanding of what sex is. Sex was designed to be not just for personal pleasure and fulfillment, although that's a part of it, but it was to be complete surrender. It was to be you making yourself vulnerable and giving yourself to someone else for their pleasure and their enjoyment in the context of a covenant marriage.
Because it was a covenant renewal ceremony, because it was a pouring yourself out on behalf of another, the way you are in life in a covenant, in marriage in a covenant, sex becomes a gracious response and a gracious, humble giving yourself to someone else. And when it's approached in an individualistic manner, it's robbed of that. So this can be seen in dating, where someone just uses another person for sex. A person, a lot of times we see this as in males, but it can be anybody, just uses someone for sex, and once they have sex, they just move on, because that was the only goal. So they've treated a person with a soul, made in the image of God, like nothing more than an object.
This same individualistic approach can be seen in marriage, where somebody is just, I want to have sex right now. That's it. That's my approach. And you need to have sex with me, regardless of context, regardless of how you feel. And on the other side of that, someone who in marriage is never in the mood. So that as long as that's the hurdle, I don't feel like it.
And all that is on both sides of that fence is just sex exists for my individual pleasure. So if I want it, let's go. Or sex exists for my individual pleasure. So if I don't want to, no. And that's still the same approach. These aren't just problems for single people.
This is a problem with how we view sex in general. C.S. Lewis says that this approach to sex, that this idea of sex without covenant is like chewing food and then spitting it out without swallowing it and digesting it, which does not leave us more satisfied, but more hungry, which ultimately guts eating food of what it was designed for in the first place. Question two, they ask. So Paul's response to the first question, the question two, they ask.
He spends a little more time here because he's also still addressing the first question. 13. Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food. So they say, okay, Paul, food's meant for the stomach, the stomach for food, which what they're really asking is, isn't sex just an appetite? Isn't it just an appetite? Isn't it just like, okay, Paul, let me break this down for you.
I have a stomach. My stomach sends signals to my brain. It says I'm hungry. My brain sends signals to my hands. I grab food. I stick it in my mouth.
It goes to my stomach. My stomach exists because food exists and food exists because my stomach exists. And that's the same way that sex works. I have sexual parts and sexual urges and they exist in relation to one another. It's just an appetite. I love that this question is in here because we think we have progressed so far.
We are so far beyond all of those morons that used to live in history because I have Google. I'm so much smarter than everybody else who knew how to actually do things. I can just read about things and that makes me smart because I can buy shoes from Reebok. I don't know how to make shoes, but I can buy them. I'm smarter than all of these people. We just, history has just moved forward and progressed.
And here's the thing. We say stuff like this. We say stuff like, it's just a private matter. We say stuff like, sex is just an appetite as if we've moved on and outgrown. That argument's 2,000 years old. They have the same thoughts, same questions.
I got a stomach. I eat. I have sexual organs. I sex, right? Thank you, Paul. You are dismissed.
I have defeated you with logic. And so Paul responds. And this is really the second lie that we believe about sex comes from this, this idea that sex is just an appetite, is that sex is consumeristic. It's just a consumer good. It is designed for us to partake in however we feel because it's just an appetite. Now here, sex is, does have a desire that goes along with it, does have appetite that goes along with it, but it's not just that.
And it's not the same as eating food because if you don't eat food, you will die. And although some people in our culture might would argue that not having sex will kill you, it will not. Sex is not just physical. That's the argument being made here. It's just physical. It's just an exchange of goods, just a physical enjoyment.
And so Paul responds. One of the best examples of this in our culture right now, I believe, is the app Tinder. Tinder is an app, for those of you who are not familiar. It's on a smartphone. You take a picture of yourself and I think there's a little bit of information, but it's not like bogged down by information about the human. It's mostly just the picture.
And then you just swipe one way or the other to like the human or unlike the human. I don't know what it's called. It's just called swiping and it's become like a manic. People do this all day long, looking at people and swiping one way or the other they're based off of. And really what it is, this is a very advanced form of human shopping. It is a handheld brothel in so many ways.
Now, some people would say, no, no, no. You can make real, meaningful connections through Tinder. And that's what I'm using it for. Okay, maybe. The majority of people aren't. The person on the other side swiping your picture probably isn't.
And if you've been on Tinder for a while, via the text and pictures they have sent you, you might have picked up on that. It is a lineup of humans with souls that we have reduced to a quick ability to say, nope, don't like that one. Nope, don't like that one. Yes, yes, yes. Nope. Nope.
Yes. It's a brothel app. It's used that way. There's an article in Vanity Fair that is a very difficult read because of how painful it is to see how devastating this is. Now, you may say, okay, but hold on a second. Isn't that what people do when they go to bars?
Isn't that the same thing people have been doing forever when they showed up and looked around for a person to talk to? Yes. In a lot of ways. We've just become more efficient. In that article in Vanity Fair, they're talking to three guys and they say, why do you like Tinder so much? A couple of different things.
They said it was easy to meet Tinderellas. They said, it used to be you'd have to go to a place like a bar, put forth energy. You can only talk to one, two, maybe three girls a night. But on Tinder, you can be in 15 conversations at once and one of the other guys piped in and you don't have to spend any money. And they were like, yes, that's good too. Now, that's people shopping, but it grows out of how we've begun to approach sex.
It ought to be free. It ought to be easy. It ought to be simple. Humans exist for my pleasure. Sex is a consumer good. We ought to be able to line this up easily.
We ought to be able to get supply and demand connected. And so, Paul is going to respond to this, I have a stomach, it's designed for food argument. This sex is just an appetite. This lie that sex is consumeristic. And so, Paul responds with a couple of things that I find very helpful. Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food and God will destroy both one and the other.
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. Okay, his first response is very helpful. First of all, sexual immorality, when you see that in the Bible, mostly coming from the Greek word pornea, which is just sexual junk drawer. It really means all sex outside of God's covenant designed for marriage, all sexuality outside of God's covenant designed for marriage. So, everything, if you're thinking, well, does it include this? Yes.
Yes, it does. All of the sexual activity outside of marriage because making a list would have taken too long and then we would have invented something new and said, that's not in there. So, it's just everything outside of God's covenant design. He says, your body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord. Here's what he's saying. Sex is not ultimate.
That does not sound profound. It's very helpful for our culture. You can live your entire human life and never have sex and be fine. I'm going to go over here and say that. You can live your entire human life and never have sex and be fully complete and fully satisfied and fully human be fine. Jesus came and was single.
He is the God as a human perfection held up for us and he lived his entire life, never got married, never had sex. This is so bizarre to our culture that we make up. Obviously, he had to have secret lovers. Obviously, he's got some lineage somewhere. Obviously, this effeminate drawing here is not a boy, but it's some kind of a girl who's not very pretty. But what are you going to do?
Like, sorry, that was a very Da Vinci Code stuff there. If you haven't, you don't know what I'm talking about, that's fine. I was like, that got weird. Yeah, it did. It did. Read it.
It gets weird. It's so bizarre to us, but the truth is your body does not exist for sex. You will not die. You are okay. You can live your entire life and never have sex. Sex is not ultimate.
You were given a body designed for God and His glory and His worship. You were made in the image of God to reveal what He is like to the rest of creation. And that doesn't have to be sex. That's very helpful and sadly profound for us. Next thing He says, so first of all, you don't have to have sex. You're okay.
You were designed for something else, something bigger, something better. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? He's talking to Christians. He's saying, don't you know Jesus' covenant love that He's already poured over you that when you place faith in Him, He made you His and He loves you. You are His bride and He's made you one with Him.
You're part of His body. You're members of Christ. Like, you know, like your arm is a member of your body. That's what He means there. Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Okay, so this is getting deeper than we understand.
So let's keep moving here. Members of a prostitute never, or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? Okay, two things we need to know. One is, prostitution was the big socially acceptable way to have sex outside of your marriage. That's why He refers to prostitution. That was the big Corinthian way, perfectly fine, socially acceptable way to have sex outside of a covenant marriage.
So people were married young and you weren't specifically interested in having a good sexual relationship with your spouse. Wives were not allowed to have sexual relationships outside of their marriage relationship or they were in big trouble, but men could do whatever they wanted to and going and visiting a prostitute was perfectly normal, sexually acceptable way to have a sexual outlet. So, when He talks about prostitution in our culture, that honestly includes most everything. There are really three things that our culture is going to say aren't okay when it comes to sex and sexuality, just culturally.
Anything forced? Not okay. Anything with children of a certain age? Like, we kind of have an age limit on it. Not okay. And the third one is cheating and that one's more of a gray area for people, but mostly frowned upon.
Cheating's not good. So, those are kind of the only three. So, when He says prostitution, He's talking about the way they would have approached sex outside of a covenant relationship. And so, for us, He really just means all the sexual things that we're kind of okay with when He's talking about prostitution. Does that make sense? Tracking there?
Some of you are. Cool. Okay. Okay. Do you not know this is 16? Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?
Okay. That's not very profound if you just take it for what He's saying. He has to mean something deeper because what He just said is do you not know that he who's joined with a prostitute is joined with a prostitute? Yep. Like, if He just means physical, that sentence isn't helpful and doesn't make a lot of sense. But what He's doing is He's approaching sex the way the Bible always does, which it is much deeper than physical.
Much more going on than just the physical act. So when they say, isn't sex just an appetite? Isn't it just physical? Isn't it just a consumer good? Paul says, no. It's not.
There's so much more going on. The same reason that we in our culture know that there's a difference between physical abuse and sexual abuse. because there's more going on there than just a physical interaction. Paul's acknowledging that there's much more to sex than physical, that it's actually emotional, psychological, spiritual. There's a pastor in New York. He wrote a book called The Meaning of Marriage. In one of his chapters on sex, he says this.
I think it's helpful. The Bible says, do not unite with someone unless you are also willing to unite with the person emotionally, personally, socially, economically, and legally. Don't become physically naked and vulnerable to the other person without becoming vulnerable in every other way. Because you have given up your freedom and bound yourself in marriage. So Paul's point here is that sex is wrong and out of place in all other circumstances than inside of this covenant.
Because it means more. So the Bible's argument is not that you have too high a view of sex. The Bible argues that you have too low a view of sex. The Bible's going to push us that we don't believe enough about sex. That we don't have high enough view about sex. That's the Bible's point.
The reason we're willing to flippantly have sex, the reason we treat it the way we do is not because we value sex too much but we value it too little. We don't understand all that's happening there. This is, sex creates a deep connection. It's a symbol of an invisible reality. That's what it was designed to be. That's how it functions all the time.
So here's what happens. Let me help you out here. During sex, when you have an orgasm, your body fires off a bunch of chemicals like explosions in your head. They are designed to create addiction. Same pleasure centers we talked about that earlier. They're designed to bond you to whatever is causing that.
In your head. They are designed to create addiction. Same pleasure centers we talked about that earlier. They're designed to bond you to whatever is causing that. There's multiple brain chemicals that take place during this that are designed to connect you far beyond a physical interaction. Some of the same chemicals that are given off when a mother breastfeeds, the skin-to-skin contact stuff, it's become real big recently so they've been pushing for men to have skin-to-skin contact
With their babies because mothers get to and it helps you bond to the baby and so that was one of the things they talked about like in the hospital I should have some skin-to-skin contact with Archer and so when they first went to hand me him they were like here you want to hold him and I was like yeah let me take my shirt off first and they were like okay and I was like I'm kidding and they were like well a lot of dads do that and I was like I didn't mean to mock them
I just I was a joke I'm sorry just give me the baby not doing it I'm not stripping down to hug a baby it's not happening sorry if that's you you go for it bro that's great proud of you it was just one of my things but there's something to the chemicals there that take place with a mother bonding to a baby with the skin and it happens during sex and it is designed by God
Who invented sex to make you addicted to your spouse to make you more aroused by your spouse whatever is causing this interchange whatever is causing this explosions in your head it almost slows everything down for you to suck it all in so it becomes a smell it becomes the context of what's going on it becomes the person this is why this becomes so devastating
Outside of a covenant marriage so beautiful here so beautiful that God designed you to become more and more addicted to each other that is beautiful and it becomes almost horrifying when you take it out of that context because your body is designed to latch on to people and you have to begin to if you're having casual sex
With people you have to begin to harden your heart on that you have to begin to shut that off you have to begin to over time grow callous to that so that you're not hurt over and over and over again this is why relationships become much harder to break off once sex enters the picture it's why people stay in relationships with morons because they've begun to do something that happens
On an emotional psychological spiritual basis where God's bringing them together designed and they feel like they owe the person something the person owes them something they become beholden to one another and they shouldn't be this is why pornography addiction becomes such a problem because you're rewiring your brain
To be all the things that were designed for you to soak in and be aroused by it's now being alone looking at a screen clicking changing from image to image novelty whereas in marriage it's designed to be so many other things so Paul says don't you know when you have sex when there's sexual interaction with another person so much more
Is happening here Bible clearly teaches that sex is designed for the context of marriage and the reason that we approach it the way we do is because we have too low a view of it not that we think too high of sex but too little of it so or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her
For it is written the two will become one flesh so he's talking back Genesis he brings it up again and says this is this is why this is a problem because it was designed for something else but he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit
With him so he's saying you already have this relationship this fulfillment in Christ you don't need to pursue it other places and then he says this flee from sexual immorality every other sin a person commits is outside the body but the
Sexually immoral person sins against his own body or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God so he says flee flee from
Sexual immorality we're pretty terrible at this flee means be afraid and run as fast as your little feet can carry you that we should have such a high view of sex that we should run from anything
That would lead us outside of what it was designed to be we should flee from it for some of us practically that means putting some blocker things on your computer that means having a dumb phone that only receives phone calls and is
Almost useless that means having some very serious conversations with the person that you're dating about where you're going to go ahead and pre-build in some lines build some fences in your brains to protect yourselves that means that maybe
Netflix and chill isn't an option for you because chill becomes way less chill after a while that you just have to build some ways that we're going to run from this and that's difficult but the reason we don't run is that we
Believe lies about sex we don't understand what it was designed to be so we're willing to toy with it a lot more when it actually has a lot more power and a lot more value than we understand man then Paul says this which means a lot to them and I'm going to try to
Help us understand it do you not know this is verse 19 do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God you are not your own for you were bought with a price so glorify God in your body they were not far removed from the slave trade the way to gain freedom from slavery
Was to be bought out of it that was it you were enslaved or you were bought out of slavery so when he says you are bought with a price what he's referring to is that when Jesus Christ went to the cross and gave up his life on our behalf he paid our debt to set us free
From slavery that we do not have to be enslaved to anything but that we were bought with a price and owned by Jesus who purchased us by his blood and who loved us so much to pursue us so far as to go to the cross and die for us to make us his you're not
Your own if you're a Christian you've already been bought you've already been purchased by a much better slave owner by a much better king who set you free from everything else so that you might enjoy a real true depth of relationship with him when it comes to our approach to sex
Paul says hey you don't have to be a slave to it it doesn't have to own you don't have to be a slave to your appetites you don't have to be a slave to your own personal desires you've been purchased by Jesus to be free and only through Christ can we actually find freedom so then they
Move on to the next question which is kind of a reaction against the first two questions I can almost see the Corinthian church wrestling over this and people being like okay we'll put this in the letter put this in the letter and someone's like no put this in the letter and so he gets to this
Next thing he says now concerning the matters about which you wrote so he's saying okay now you've said this verse chapter seven it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman okay so sex isn't just individualistic it's not just consumeristic there's a group in Corinth saying no no no no
Just no sex whatsoever right like shouldn't we just avoid sex whatsoever so the third question is isn't sex dirty like isn't it just kind of wrong like there's you see so much abuse of it you see this handled so poorly shouldn't we just avoid it that's the third question and it kind of lines up with the third lie we believe which is that sex is dirty or it's at best a necessary evil like sex is good because it makes other
Humans and we should have other humans but that's really it and this this I think has been taught in the church some some people could kind of sum up with what the church has taught at times not not it's we've been fixing this I think but there are some churches who basically taught sex is gross and dirty and wrong save it for your spouse and give them that gift when you get married that's so beautiful thank you so basically they're saying shouldn't we just react against this and avoid this and it best to just
Not have sex at all I remember when Anna and I were going through marriage counseling we just the the church has just kind of avoided this in some ways I remember going through marriage counseling it was like a one session thing and the pastor flipping through a book and talking to us about like do you have a budget just different things and he flips over in his book and like the heading said sex and he goes now when you get married you you'd be able to have sex do y'all have any questions about that
And I couldn't do it I couldn't bring myself to do it I really wanted to be like I have a lot of questions I hope you got a lot of time on your hands no I just we're just like no and he goes well good here's some books you can read and he just moved right along and the truth is this our culture has a lot to say about sex and the church has just kind of avoided it I know parents a lot of times Christian parents don't want to talk to their children about sex if you're not talking to your kids about sex television is their friends are the internet
Is at some point we got to step in and start redeeming this picture and so this response was isn't it dirty shouldn't we just avoid it and Paul begins to answer this question so here's what he says now concerning the matters about which he wrote verse one it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman he says okay but because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband what he's not saying is everyone has to get married because you may be tempted what he is saying is pursue marriage if you are overly tempted
Towards sexual things you need to reign that in but you can pursue marriage it's perfectly fine to desire marriage that is not wrong you should not feel bad it's perfectly fine to have a desire for sex that's that is it is a desire it is an appetite it's not just that it's not just a consumer good but he's saying yeah you can pursue marriage to keep you from sin each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over
His own body but the wife does okay first of all don't get caught up on the word conjugal I know it sounds prison-y it's not he's just saying when you're married you should have sex and then he says something that is mind shattering in their culture he starts off by saying the husband owns the wife's body and there were people just not in the law correct that is true you are right Paul when I married her I own her now I can do what I want she does whatever I want and then he says the wife owns the husband's body and people got whiplash they were like read that part again in that letter where he said that crazy stuff because they didn't believe that they
Believe that the wife belonged to the husband that was it and what Paul says is no let me tell you a few things that you've misunderstood about sex first of all it's good you should have sex with each other and your marriage was designed to be a place where there was enjoyable sex so they would have approached it as you got married to have kids and then if you want to have enjoyable sex you would just pursue that outside of marriage what he's saying is no marriage is designed to be a place filled with enjoyable sex and for the enjoyment and pleasure of one another both the wife to her husband and husband to her wife and so then he follows that up with this for the husband should give his wife this is verse 3 husband should give to his wife
Her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not deprive one another except okay so he's gonna give us the reasons why you can deprive one another perhaps okay except perhaps is like he's limiting this down by agreement okay this has got this is a lot of caveats here Paul for a limited time joke for real except perhaps by agreement for a limited time so Paul's not married he doesn't have anything to gain from this he's just explaining how this works so he says you you own her she owns you you should have sex with each other except perhaps if you both agree for a little bit of
Time so he like even if you agree we're gonna take a year off Paul's gonna say nope I don't care if you agree on that limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer okay y'all you've been having so much sex you ain't praying y'all might need to take to agree to fast from it for the purposes of prayer what else but then come together again okay that was it that's the only one he gives but then come together again and he says this so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control okay that's massively helpful and sounds a little bit crazy to us and here's why that sounds a little bit crazy to me okay I it is odd I mean maybe odds not the right word doesn't happen often I guess that's another way of saying odd but for people to get married and have the same sexual desire on the sexual desire scale it doesn't always happen
So sometimes you have a wife who has more desire for sex a husband who has more desire for sex culturally we act like it's always the husband that would but that's not true like it it just kind of ranges and so here's what Paul says here's what I would have thought he would have said but because I have kind of a wrong view about sex but here's what I thought what he would have said y'all need to agree what works for both of y'all if one of you likes to have sex more than the other person should have more sex but one of you likes to have sex less than this person who likes it more should have less sex y'all should kind of come to an agreement and figure out what works for y'all and and mutually agree on that it's not what he says what he says is your body doesn't belong to you you give conjugal rights to your spouse and you do not deprive one another which sounds to me like that's not really fair to the person who doesn't
Like to have sex as much here's why he says it if sex is individualistic and consumeristic what Paul just said is wrong and harmful and kind of rude to the person who doesn't like sex as much but if sex is a covenant renewal ceremony that always means more and was designed for you to sacrifice be vulnerable and give yourself to another then what Paul says makes a lot of sense that you in marriage are designed sex isn't for your own pleasure so if one of you desire sex more the person who desires it less should give graciously servingly because sex always means more always accomplishes more it's not just a personal desire it's not just a if I want to if I don't want to or for my own personal pleasure it's for the other it's for the other person for a mutual service and sacrifice to one another and it always accomplishes more so in marriage when we act like if I don't feel like it we shouldn't have sex and you should calm down
To not want to have sex all the time and maybe you're more gracious than the way I just put that but when we treat it that way what we are saying is I still believe sex is individualistic and consumeristic now for the person who desires sex more in marriage you can still be approaching sex in an individualistic consumeristic way I want to have sex I enjoy sex I don't care what you say don't pull this out Paul Bible naked don't do that not helpful and you're wrong you should repent your approach is not sacrificially serving and pursuing your spouse so if you if you're in a marriage and one person desires to have sex more often than the other person both of them need to consider each other the person who desires it more needs to figure out how to pursue their spouse and the perfect person who desires it less needs to figure out how to serve their spouse and once sex becomes a way to give to one another a way to pleasure
One another that your focus is less on yourself and more on your spouse then it becomes very beautiful and exactly what it was designed to be that I'm giving myself to you the same way I've given myself to you in marriage I sacrifice everything I have belongs to you for your good and your enjoyment and when both of spouses are saying that and approaching it that way it can become very beautiful and very enjoyable and it takes a lot of work and it's very difficult but Paul gives something else he doesn't just say sex is given sex is poured out for the other he does say that give realize that in sex in a marriage you are giving yourself to another you're not taking from them it's not for your own personal enjoyment you are figuring out how to give them enjoyment Tim Keller in his book where he talked about sex he said once sex becomes what's the most enjoyable thing about sex becomes giving enjoyment to
Your spouse then it becomes what it was designed to be then it becomes very beautiful but here he says this too he gives another reason for this this is helpful for single and married people I'm in first Timothy for some reason so give me a second here we go I was like this doesn't look right do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time oh you don't have sex you wanted to pray let's pray sorry okay anyway for a limited time to devote yourselves to prayer then come back together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control sex because of the covenant power that it has is actually a guard for your marriage against the enemy against a lack of self-control how the enemy works towards bitterness and anger and towards leading us away from our spouse let me tell you something about Satan's real we've talked about that
Before I could probably point you to a message that we've already said if you're confused by that or questioning that but Satan's real he's actively at work against us when Bible talks about Satan it's not just the main Satan guy it's always his forces in the world but here's how they work prior to marriage Satan wants you in bed because that goes against God's good beautiful covenant design and after marriage Satan wants you out of bed at least with your spouse because that goes against God's good covenant design so when I do premarital with couples and they're like yeah okay well we're struggling with sex right now but when we get married it'll be fine no that's a misunderstanding of how sin works what you're currently saying having sex prior to marriage is this is an area where we won't submit to Jesus this is an area where I'm going to hold what I believe above what he says and prior to marriage that
Means a lot of sex but after marriage that means a lot of withholding a lot of bitterness a lot of selfishness and a lot of not sex because the enemy works to bring us together prior to marriage and apart after marriage and one of the best defenses for your marriage is to covenantally continually give yourself to each other okay six finish here now as a concession not a command I say this what he's talking about is you don't have to get married because he says I wish all were as I myself am he's not married so he's saying I wish all of you could be not married and be okay so I'm not saying you have to get married I'm saying that if you do get married this is how it ought to work I wish all were as myself am but each has his own gift from God one of one kind and one of another the Bible is going to say that singleness is a
Gift and marriage is a gift and God graciously give some people with singleness don't use that against single people like what's a gift when they're like struggling with their singleness don't don't pull that out to like harm them like well just enjoy your gift why don't you shut up it's but it is a gift is God gifts singleness to some people the ability to be single and he gives marriage to some people and the only way either one of them works is for us to realize that Jesus bought us out of slavery with his covenant love to make us his when you are single it is so easy to believe if I just had a spouse I wouldn't be lonely I'd be full I'd be complete I could just get married I'd be okay and the only way to live single is to know the love that Jesus has for you and the fulfillment that is found only in him that he pursued you to the point of death on a cross to make you his and it's so easy when you're
Married to think you're supposed to fulfill me you're supposed to complete me you're not doing that right now and I'd be much happier if I could just be single or if I could find the right person you're obviously not it and the only way to exist in the covenant relationship that we're designed to exist in where we give ourselves continually regardless of what we're getting back is for us to be so filled up by Jesus and his love for us that we're free that we've been set free from slavery to our appetite set free from slavery to our individual desires to just love the person we're married to and just sacrifice and give John Donne is a poet he wrote he's lived in England during the Renaissance and he wrote a poem and he ends it this way he's talking to God take me to you imprison me for I accept you enthrall me never shall be free so he's saying God take me lock me up with you and unless I'm enthralled by you I'm going to be a slave to everything else unless you
Enthrall me never I never shall be free and then he says nor ever chased except you ravish me chased means sexually pure and so he says I'll never be sexually pure unless I'm so overwhelmed and filled up by you this is impossible and that's what Paul's saying here we've been bought with a price that God in his grace has gifted us and equipped us and the only way single people that you can remain single and have joy is to lean into Jesus and married people the only way you can remain married and have joy is to lean into Jesus then sex gets to be what it was designed to be not ultimate but a good gift from God for the covenant of marriage and we get to be free free from sex free from individualistic desires free from consumeristic desires and free to just love our spouses serve them be gracious towards them bands gonna come back up we're gonna sing and make much of Jesus who through the gospel went to a cross on our behalf to set us free who the God of the universe who designed
Things for our good for our joy for his glory some some single people in here you need to begin to you need to begin to flee need to begin to rightly view sex so that you're not putting yourself in compromising situations you need to be running from it for the sake of what it was designed to be as you glorify God realizing it's not ultimate need to begin to lean into Jesus and know know that it's his love that that sets you free and gives you hope and joy and fulfillment married couples needs to be some repentance over believing one of those three lies or some version of all three that sex is individualistic it exists for my pleasure until you treat your spouse like an object sex is consumeristic so if I want to or don't want to that's final I don't eat when I'm not hungry I eat when I'm hungry if I want to have sex we should have sex if I don't want to have sex we shouldn't have sex you need to pray about that and repent because sex was meant to be given and for those of you who have treated sex as a necessary evil in your marriage I
Pray that God would help you see the the beauty that he designed for it and how it protects your marriage and guards your marriage makes you addicted to one another need to have some gracious conversations so you might begin to have a sexual relationship as God lays it out he's not against sex if you believe he is read the Song of Solomon it's not against it he invented it was designed to be good and it's for us to graciously give and serve one another in a way that strengthens our marriages so I pray that we would see Jesus setting us free from selfishness and sin so that for single people there can be no sex whatsoever and you'd be fine for married people there can be a lot of sex that continues to draw you closer to one another and all of us realize it's not ultimate it's not where happiness comes from it's not what fills us up that we're free because Jesus sets us free let's pray God we thank you
That you're good thank you for your love for us that you give us hope that we don't need anything but you and that you give us other good gifts to enjoy that get to point back to you and glorify you in distinct and beautiful ways I pray God that you would work on our hearts that there might be repentance for the single people in here who've been wrongly viewing sex that you'd set them free that you'd let them run to you who've died for them to set them free that you're not going to crush them but love them and welcome them for the married couples in here who've been viewing sex wrongly
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American Marriage vs Biblical Marriage
Transcript
Well, good morning. Happy Valentine's Day. My name is Shet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are in Matthew chapter 19, so grab a Bible. We'll be in Matthew chapter 19 today.
If your Bible looks like this one, you'll be on page 534. If you don't own a Bible, take this one with you. That's our gift to you. We want everybody to have a Bible. We want everyone to read it. So we are in our fifth week of our Theology of Sex series, and we've just been walking through.
We spent the past couple of weeks talking about masculinity and femininity, what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, that God intentionally designed gender, and he intentionally designed the genders different from one another, distinct from one another, for his purposes, for his glory, for the flourishing of humankind. I said something about Valentine's Day coming up to someone this week, and people are all over the place when it comes to Valentine's Day. Some people get excited. One person I was talking to this week said, oh yeah, the holiday that the greeting card companies invented to sell candy.
And I was like, why? Why do the greeting card companies want to sell candy? Like, did they invent it to throw us off their tracks? Is that why it's about? Like, I was really confused, but there's just people in general have different things. So whether you're mad at Valentine's Day or excited or could not care less, happy Valentine's Day.
We're going to talk about marriage today. We're going to talk about what the Bible says about marriage, what marriage is, what it was designed to be. We're going to talk a little bit about our American approach to marriage and then the biblical approach to marriage. As we hop in this morning, I want to take a second and just address single people in the room who heard the word marriage and checked out. Let me help you out here and tell you a few reasons why you knowing what marriage is is actually very helpful for you. First of all, our culture believes some really dumb things about marriage, which means that it is highly likely that you believe some very dumb things about marriage.
Most of us do. Even married couples believe some very dumb things about marriage, but they'll probably pay attention. Single people, you're believing some dumb things. You need to listen to understand what the Bible says about marriage so you can rightly understand it. Secondly, Christianity is the first major belief system in history. I recently read an article where a Duke historian, anthropologist basically was looking back and said, Christianity is the first major belief system in history that says, stood up and said out loud to people, it is perfectly okay to be single for your entire life.
That is a perfectly good, healthy, normal, celebratable way to walk through life as a human. First belief system that ever said that. Our God that we serve when he came to earth in Jesus was a single man who never married, never had sex. We worship and follow him. Being single is perfectly okay, perfectly healthy, perfectly celebratable way to be a human. And as we talk today, you'll actually get to see why.
Why you have a leg to stand on and be able to say, no, I'm perfectly fine in my singleness. I don't need another human to step in and fix me or complete me, regardless of what that movie says. Bonus reason, you're a part of our church family. In our community groups, we exist in our community groups. That's how we walk through life as a church family. And we believe that church is a family.
So we don't break up our community groups by gender or age. We just all kind of get together. And so you're most likely, if you're in a community group and you're single, you're in a community group with other married couples. And our culture believes a lie. That is, if I have children, you can't tell, and you don't, you can't tell me anything about having children. And if I'm married and you aren't, you can't tell me anything about being married.
And the Bible disagrees with that because two of the guys that talk about marriage and children a lot had neither a wife nor children. But it isn't helpful for you to pop off with your own, here's what I think, based off of my own opinions, based off of nothing. So we want to all grow in what it means, what a marriage is, what it was designed to be, so that we can helpfully and in a healthy way point the other married people in our church family towards Jesus, understanding what marriage was designed to be. So by learning what marriage is and isn't, you actually get to help serve the other people in your church family and in your community group in a healthy way without just giving them what culture's been giving you.
So I'm going to pray and we're going to hop in. We'll be starting in verse 3 of Matthew 19. God, we thank you for your grace, for your love, for your active pursuit of our souls. We pray that today we would clearly see your love, your love for us, what love was meant to be, and how marriage was meant to exist and thrive and flourish and what it was designed to be, God. And so we just pray that you'd give us wisdom and clarity as we study this together today. In Jesus' name, amen.
All right, so we've read this a couple weeks ago. We're going to read it again. We were reading it for a specific purpose, and now we're going to actually kind of read it in its context. So Matthew 19, verse 3, and Pharisees, Pharisees were just a group of a religious sect inside of Judaism. So it would be kind of like saying, and Presbyterians or and Lutherans walked over.
Like that's how they would have understood it. It was a group that believed a certain thing inside of Judaism. So Pharisees came up to him, him as Jesus, and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? So I find this pretty interesting. They have a lot of questions like we have about marriage and divorce. They're coming over to him saying, okay, they're basically asking, how do you read this specific Old Testament passage, Deuteronomy 24?
Kind of how do you read it? What's your take on what Moses is saying there? He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife? Hold fast means be cemented to, sewn together. Hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? And he said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wife. So notice the difference there. They said, Why did Moses command us to? And he said, No, no, no.
Because of your hardness of heart, he allowed you to. And in Deuteronomy 24, they are basically lying. Moses does not command them to. What he says is, If a man divorces his wife and gives her a certificate of divorce, and then he steps in and tries to protect females, basically. He starts giving some guidelines for like, Okay, if y'all are going to keep doing this, let me help out here. So it's a little bit like, If you get shot, here's how to dress the wound.
And then the Pharisees are like, Then why did Moses tell us to shoot each other? It's like, He didn't. He just was stepping in and trying to be helpful there. It wasn't a command. So Jesus steps in and says, No, he allowed it because of your hardness of heart.
Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. So the way God designed it was not designed to be like that. And I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. So Jesus says, No, no, no.
Originally, God designed it, one man, one woman, to be married, to become one flesh, to be cemented together, and to stay together forever, and not to have any kind of man-made anything that tears that apart. Now, in our culture, we have high divorce rates. We have a lot of people who have been divorced, or been divorced and remarried, and so we understand that this is broken. The ideal isn't worked out the way God intended it. But what we're going to look at today as we walk through is what God intends for marriage, for the marriage covenant, for all of us as we view marriage, at where we sit today, whether we're single, married, remarried, divorced, we can all begin to say, Okay, this is actually what God intended for marriage, and this is how marriage ought to work.
Even though sin has stepped in and messed that up, we can begin to hold up the ideal and then strive for it. So, the disciples said to him, So Jesus says, Stay married. It was designed for you to be married and stay married, and not to have this torn apart. And the disciples said to him, If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. Which is really kind of mean, because some of the disciples had wives, and they're like, If we can't ever, like, send them away, you probably just shouldn't get married. Like, if marriage has to be forever, remember, that doesn't sound good.
And Jesus responds, which is kind of confusing, but when he finishes out his sentence, he said to them, Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. And basically, you don't have to get married. But if you get married, this is what marriage was designed to be. So the disciples and the Pharisees are basically having this discussion with Jesus about, Is a no-fault divorce a thing? Like, Can we, Can you get divorced? Can we just kind of, If it's not working out, and they're basically saying, Okay, But Jesus, What if like, What if I'm not happy anymore?
What if it's not good anymore? What if, What we originally intended isn't, Isn't working out anymore? What if, What if it's just not what we thought it would be? And Jesus' response is, God designed them to be married and to stay married. That's the way marriage is supposed to work. That we would hold fast.
That we would stay together. That's where, Ultimately, It works out and is good. And so what we see, Honestly, Is that the Pharisees and the disciples, So basically, This culture Jesus is talking into, Feels similar to the way We feel about marriage. So like, Our culture, When we talk about marriage, When we legalized gay marriage this year, Our culture is holding up, Basically, This definition for marriage. That marriage is a, Legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That's kind of our cultural definition of marriage.
It's a legally recognized, Expression of romantic feelings, That exists for our happiness. That it's good, As long as, There's romance, As long as there's feelings of love, And that it's good, As long as, We're mutually happy. I'm fulfilled, You're fulfilled, You're holding up your end of the bargain, I'm holding up my end of the bargain, We both are happy, Enjoying this. And that, Once one of those breaks down, Then it kind of doesn't matter anymore. You don't have to stay married, Because it's, For the expression of romance, For the purpose of happiness. And Jesus, In his answer, Basically is going to say, No, Those don't, There aren't qualifiers.
And so, Really, What we have, The way we approach marriage, Is kind of a consumeristic relationship. Um, So, I, I love Moe's, And I've had people try to talk me into, Loving Chipotle. They've tried to talk me into cheating on Moe's, Really, Is what they've tried to talk me into. Um, But I, I just, I, I can't do it. Like, I can't, I've been to, I've been to Chipotle, It's okay, I'll eat a burrito there every once in a while, But that's, It's, It's not, It's not for me. Like, They don't greet me when I walk in, They don't have queso, They don't give me chips, It costs more, It doesn't taste as good.
So, It's like, Why would I, Like, My relationship with Moe's is, I'm gonna give you money, You're gonna give me a burrito, And at the end of that, We're probably gonna be best friends. Like, This is how it works. And that's how a consumer relationship works, Is, I, I'm gonna do something, You're gonna do something, And then if it's mutually beneficial, We're good. That's a consumeristic relationship. That's why, Uh, Many of you are mad at Tom Warner, Uh, Cable, Twice a month. You paid your bill, Why is your internet's not working?
Yeah, That's the problem. Like, It's, I'm doing it. You're doing my side of stuff, Why aren't you doing your side of stuff? And if you quit paying your bill, Tom Warner will cut it off. Like, That's, That's how it works. It's, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part.
But honestly, We've just moved this into the realm of relationships, And said, I'm gonna do my part, You do your part, And as long as we're happy, And as long as we're feeling it, It's gonna be good. That's, That's our approach to relationships. And if I can find a better, So like, If they, If they make a Moe's 2.0, If Chipotle actually was better, I'd have left Moe's in the dirt, Wouldn't have cared. Just Chipotle hadn't done it. So like, Somebody else can, That's fine.
You got cheaper, More queso, You say hello better, I'm good, I'm in. And we approach relationships like that. I'm here as long as it's mutually beneficial, I'm here as long as I'm enjoying it, And if I can find something better, I'm out. We approach dating like that, And it just filters right into our approach to marriage. And the, The, Some of you, The truth is, We've also begun to lift up the idea of finding the one, Which adds into this. Because we have this idea of, You're gonna find your one, You're gonna find the soulmate, And once you do, Magic, Is gonna happen.
And you'll just be compatible forever, And you'll just feel it all the time, And so if you're, If you're with somebody, And you're not feeling it, And it's not magical, They're not the one. Let me help you out here. That idea, First comes up in what we, Historically what we can see is in Plato's Symposium, And what he's talking about is that there was a belief that Greek gods, When they originally created humans, All humans had two heads, Four arms, Four legs, And so the Greek God, I believe Zeus, Cut them all in half. And so now, From now on, All humans, Are running around on earth, Forever looking for their soulmate.
Because you originally had another person connected to you, That you were cut in half from. So, The problem though with myths, Is that they're myths. So, Whilst looking for your soulmate, Keep an eye out for unicorns and samsquanchus. Just be on the lookout, Because you're just as likely to find Bigfoot. They don't exist, You're not going to find a soulmate. Every wedding, I love being a part of weddings, I like getting to talk at a wedding.
It's kind of stressful, But I like getting to do it. And every wedding I've been a part of, I've said something along the lines of, Most recent one was Jack and Ashley, Part of our community group. We had it right here, On a Sunday in December. At some point, I usually say something along the lines of, This marriage, I have to hold my little book, And stand perfectly still in the middle. This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, This marriage, Is going to be perfect, And would be completely set up for perfection, If it weren't for you, And if it weren't for you, The two of you are going to ruin it.
Like, Like something along those lines. And it's really fun, Because everybody sitting out there is like, What the heck is he talking about? Like, Dude, You don't know how to wedding, Like you're ruining it. But the truth is, This person is a sinner, And this person is a sinner. There are no soulmates. If you get married, You've married a sinner, And what you've said is, Here's all my sin, Want to share?
And they've said, Yeah, Here's all my sin, Want to share? And you're like, Yeah, Let's try to do life together. Like, That's really what it is. And so Jesus is going to step in and say, No, Like, It's designed to stay together regardless. Like, And our culture says, No, No, It's expression of romantic feelings, For the purpose of happiness. And honestly, If I'm real with y'all, 90% of mine and Anna's arguments, Have some form of, Hey, You're supposed to make me happy, And you're not doing that right now.
Somewhere in there, That's the baseline of the argument. Hey, You're designed, This is designed, You exist to make me happy, And either A, You're not effectively contributing to my happiness, Or B, You're standing in the way of it. You are actually making it harder for me to be happy. That's like 90% of our argument. There's another 5% that is, I haven't slept in a while, I want to fight about it, But, 90% is, You're not currently making me happy, You're not currently filling me up. And, Our, Our society, Loves long term relationships.
We believe in long term relationships. We celebrate long term relationships. You've watched the notebook, 17,000 times, Because it was this relationship, Where they grew old together, And it was magical. Like, We celebrate this, And we're terrible at them. And then, We kind of, As a culture, Have the audacity, To say, You know what? We're terrible at long term relationships, And it's not our approach, It's that we've outgrown long term relationships.
We're actually beyond this idea. Do you feel the arrogance in that? Like, You can taste it, And it tastes bad. Like, Our, Our approach to, No, We're just beyond this. And, And honestly, We know though, Our approach to relationships, And what love is, We know, That that's not what love is. It's Valentine's Day.
Come with me in this. Mentally, Just let's, Let's go on a journey together. It's this evening. You're with your significant other. You're at a nice restaurant. You know it's nice, Because you can't read the menu.
It's too dark. You're going to pay $30, For food that's all separated, And about this big on the plate. You had a living social deal. I know our church family. You aren't there just paying for it on your own. There's some candles, Some nice music.
It's also known as ambiance. You can feel it. You reach across the table, You grab their hands, Look into their eyes, And you say, Boo, I love you. This very moment, I love you. And I don't know about tomorrow, But I love you right now. And I'm going to be with you.
Unless something better comes along. Keep my options open. And I'm going to fight through everything, As long as I still feel happy inside. And if my happiness leaves, Well then, And a single tear just falls out of their face, Because that's the most beautiful thing, Anyone has ever said to them. No. This isn't going to happen, Because that's not what love says.
That's not what we know love to be. That's not how love works. It isn't. Love, As it naturally occurs in the wild, Love just blurts stuff out. Love just makes definitive statements, About what is going to be true and real, Because love is a real thing, That actually exists, And it goes way beyond, Our consumeristic approach to it. You want to know what love says?
This is what love says. I, Will always love you, That's what love says. That's why we gave Whitney Houston all the monies, When she sang that. We were like, Yes, Take money from my wallet, You are correct, That's what love is. That, Because that, That is love, That's it. I, Will always love you.
I, Me, All of me, Everything I have, I, Will, Purposefully, Dedicate, Decide, Work, Pursue it, Will, Always, Regardless, No matter what else happens, No matter what comes along, No matter what happens to you, What happens to me, Always, I, Will always love, With everything I have, Love, You, Singularly, You, No one else, To the exclusion of all others, You. We know, That's what love is. We know, That's what love just blurts out. It just runs out of your mouth. You just, It's, Well, There you go. Like, We, We just know.
We celebrate that. We know that love's supposed to conquer all. We know that love's supposed to last forever. And then we push it into this consumeristic relationship, And we're confused as to why it just breaks down. And so Jesus is actually being very helpful when he says, No, This is the way marriage was designed to work. So we're going to, We're going to look at some of the things that having this type of relationship, This covenant type of relationship that Jesus is talking about, Actually works on our behalf.
So, Verse 5, And said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, And hold fast, Be cemented to his wife, And the two shall become one flesh. So, They are no longer two, But one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, Let not man separate. So here's the definition that Jesus gives of marriage. That Jesus says, Now this is the way marriage was designed to work. That two are to become one flesh.
We were reading in Matthew 19 on that. Sorry, We'll go there in a minute. It's the same thing. He's quoting that. That two will become one flesh. They'll be cemented together, And then they'll actually become one.
They're no longer two separate entities. They're one. So when I'm fighting for my happiness, It doesn't make any sense anymore in marriage. Because our happiness trumps my happiness. Our health trumps my health. Our desires trumps my desires.
Because we're one. It's the same thing with salt. Salt is sodium chloride. When it becomes salt though, It's no longer sodium and chloride. It's salt. It's NA and CL together.
And it's bonded together. It's not them two working together. It's them. They've made a new thing. And in order to make them not salt, There's a lot of tearing and breaking and stuff That has to happen. And science has to get in there.
And I don't know any of how that works. But it's not good for salt. And that's what he's saying about marriage. We were designed to be one and to stay one. That it's something. A new entity has been formed in marriage.
And we're not supposed to break it apart. And consumeristic relationships are basically saying, What I'm receiving from this relationship Is more important than the relationship. And a covenant relationship says, The relationship is more important than what I receive. That I'm actually designed to give, not receive, Regardless of how this works out. So, there are two major things that happen When we actually step into a covenantal relationship. Two things that covenantal relationship provide for us.
They set up a guard around what love is designed to be. The first one is, We have deeper, A deeper bond growth. We have a deeper bond When we enter into A covenant relationship. The only real covenant relationship That we still have, Kind of in our culture, Is the relationship between parents and children. We understand that one The way we ought to understand a covenant. It shows up every time, Whenever you see a parent That just disowns their children, Abandons their children.
The way we react to that, Because we know that's not how it's supposed to work. When a dad just says he's going to get cigarettes And never shows back up, Like we know that's not how it's supposed to work. Parenting relationships are, I give and I give and I give and I give and I give. And I know that that's, You're never going to pay me back on this. And regardless of how you act, You're never, Like it's not going to, I'm not even going to get my return, Other than seeing you grow and be healthy. Like that's the return I get.
You're not going to pay me back In how much you give to me. And through that, Through giving and giving and giving and giving, I'm actually going to love you more And have a deeper relationship with you Than I ever would have In a consumeristic relationship. That's the way a covenant is supposed to work. That I give and give and give Regardless of what comes back. That's what he's saying marriage ought to be. And we know that to be true.
We know that marriage is designed, Relationships and love are designed, For us to just grow old together. For us to just be together For as long as we can live. Like we know that that's true. We want that. Like one of mine and Anna's goals Is to be really old And creep our grandchildren out. Like I want to be known as Hansy.
Like I'm going for that. When we're old. Like I want to be so in love That it... And just be like... Like we just know this. They recently took a couple And they did like an aging thing.
They had makeup artists To make them older And they made them... They were like about to get married in a month And then they made them Look 30 years older and 40 years older All the way up to where they were 90. And they're looking at each other old And they're just... They start crying Because it's just this. This is what we want. I can't help but imagine All the life that we would have had together And all the things we know.
We want to be 85. If we've gotten married We want to be 85 with our spouse And they have changed in a thousand ways. They have changed so much. Their attitudes, their beliefs, The way they respond to stuff They've changed so much. And we've changed And we still love each other And we love each other in new ways. We love each other more Because of all the changes.
Like we know that's what love is supposed to be But if we're in a consumeristic relationship It doesn't happen. It only happens inside of a covenant Where no matter what We stick with it. We continue to give No matter how it works out. That's the I will always love you. Regardless of what happens. That's the covenantal The way it's supposed to work.
The second thing that it gives us is security. The second thing that marriage covenant provides for us When we exist in a I'm going to give and give and give And regardless of how this works out I'm in. It gives us security. You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there.
You know why weddings are beautiful? Why we celebrate them like crazy people in our culture? Some of the reasons we celebrate them Is because we've placed too much weight there. But another reason is That when the couple stands up in front of everybody And says I'm with you for richer or poorer In sickness and in health Until death do us part Like I'm in No matter how this goes If they mean it That's beautiful They really mean that If that's actually how that's going to work That's beautiful That this The bottom can fall out on this thing And I'm not going anywhere This can go really badly We can be really sick Or really poor Have nothing together
But I'm in There's a security inside of a covenant That just isn't provided In a consumeristic relationship In a consumeristic relationship You have to keep marketing yourself Not only to the person you're with But to other people Because you still have other options out there You may not need to This may not keep going Or you have to keep making sure That they're happy You've got to keep doing all this stuff To try to keep the relationship going And there's just It doesn't work That's honestly why When our culture steps up And says Okay What we ought to do Is Live with
With our significant other Prior to getting married That we ought to You ought to cohabitate Prior to getting married To kind of kick the tires It's like giving it a test drive To see if this is going to be a good idea The reason that actually doesn't work Is because You're practicing A consumeristic relationship To prepare for a covenantal one And there is no preparation For a covenantal relationship You're either in the covenant Or you're not You're either all in Or you're all out There's no practicing for it So stepping into A let's live together situation Where we might stay Might not stay
Actually doesn't help you prepare For a covenant And It just doesn't work that way And so you may be saying Okay hold on a second I'm not even going to say That cohabitation Helps you prepare for covenanting Cohabitation is basically Divorce practice Before getting married That's really what it is It just doesn't work Because it doesn't translate To what you're going for in marriage But you may say Okay hold on a second Bible boy I'm not saying That It's good practice for marriage I'm saying it's better than marriage We should just throw out marriage
And you can just live with whoever And then If that doesn't work Fine If it does work Great Like that's what I'm actually I'm going to make that argument The problem with that argument Is that that's not true either Facts don't back you up So there was a bipartisan study That was done And basically Let me just give you Some of these statistics Annual rates of depression Among couples living together Are more than three times What they are among married couples Cohabitating couples Report lower Lower levels of happiness Lower levels of sexual satisfaction
Than married couples Women living with their partner Are more likely to suffer Physical abuse And sexual abuse Than married women And children living With cohabitating parents Are eight times more likely To suffer abuse Than those living in homes With married parents So if you believe Cohabitating relationships Are better It's just not backed up There's no Biblically it's not going to say that And it's just not Science isn't going to say that It's actually worse for society And women And children And honestly
Just as a church family We should just begin to reject this As an okay thing We should We should just all In a gracious way Just not be cool With cohabitation Because it's actually just worse Even just based on math It's kind of like this My wife and I Have a We got a thing To go to the zoo All the time A zoo pass Or whatever It's like a year long thing So we get to go to the zoo Everyone's well I like the zoo I always get a little bit Bummed out
When I'm at the zoo Because You're looking like Especially at the lions They make me the saddest So I look at the lions There's this big male lion And this female lion And I just I know too much about lions I don't know much about lions But I know too much To just be able to really enjoy this Because lions are supposed to be in a pack There's only two of them So it's like Alright y'all missing some friends And In the wild They get to run all over the place They get to just tackle and eat stuff Sometimes they do that Just for the heck of it Because they're big and can
If you watch those nature shows They're just killing stuff all the time They don't get to kill anything at the zoo And when they do it's bad They like put them down Like It's just basically like Here's some food And the lion's like This is lame And they can't even run Like the enclosure isn't even big enough For them to get up to a full sprint And so it's like Here's a lion And it's like I kinda It used to be a lion And now it's not really able to function The way a lion's supposed to function That's wholly different From like a wildlife preserve Wildlife preserve is Here's a lion
And there's a bunch of stuff That can come in and harm this Let's build some fences and protect it Let's keep the dentists out of here Like that's what a lion A wildlife preserve is Like there's things that can harm this lion Let's build some things And so this lion Gets to be a lion Gets to fully exist in its lionness We've just put up some walls To help protect it The way love exists in the wild The way love just Blurts things out The way love is Just where it is Love conquers all Love never fades I will always love you When we put it in a consumeristic relationship We've taken love And put it in a zoo
It actually isn't going to be able to work And function And exist the way it was designed to But when we move love Into a covenantal relationship That's why That's why when he says This is what marriage was supposed to be It's because it's actually what works To foster love And to help love flourish And exist the way we know That it was designed to Genesis 2 It'll be up on the screen We'll look at it together So this is the passage that Jesus quotes Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother And hold fast to his wife And they shall become one flesh And the man and his wife were both naked And were not ashamed Here's what a beautiful thing about covenants There's no shame
In a covenant Covenant actually steps in And takes the worst thing And makes it the most beautiful The thing that We know that love is supposed to be You love me for me You love me for who I am I'm fully known and fully loved We know that's the way love is supposed to exist But in a consumeristic relationship We have to keep propping ourselves up Making ourselves look better That's not the way a covenant is designed to work There's a quote from the movie Meet Joe Black He was talking to one of the older men in the movie And he said The great thing about being married was She knows the worst thing about me And it's okay And that's what a covenant does In a relationship There's always deal breakers
There's always stuff that steps in And makes Makes it It's not going to work anymore This is a deal breaker We can't get past this And what a covenant does Is it steps in and makes that thing The most beautiful thing about your relationship Because it turns it on its head It becomes the thing where you've given the most love The most grace It's exactly what a covenant was meant to do To take the worst part of us To be fully known and fully loved And still stay together It redeems the most broken part of us We say that love conquers all And it should And in a covenant It gets to We get to work past The worst part And give grace and love there
That's actually where we get to show More love We're not In a covenant We're not bound by our feelings Or our happiness We're free We're free to give And we exist in this secure relationship Where even the worst parts Become the most beautiful And that's straight Out of how Jesus loves the church Let's go to Ephesians 5 We read this last week You can go ahead and flip there We'll be on page 635 We'll also show it on the screen This is talking to two married couples But then it ends in a very interesting way Husbands Love your wives As Christ Loved the church
And gave himself up for her So Christ is Jesus And the church is all those who believe in him That he might sanctify her Having cleansed her By the washing of water with the word So that he might present the church To himself in splendor Without spot or wrinkle Or any such thing That she might be holy And without blemish And in the same way Husbands should love their wives As their own bodies He who loves his wife Loves himself When we talk about love As just an emotion That makes that sentence really confusing When we talk about love As just a romantic feeling And Paul says Love your wife
The way that you love your own body It's like Well that just got weird Like No Love is actually way deeper And way more Than how I feel at this moment It's an active choice For no one hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it Just as Christ does the church Because we are members of his body Therefore So now he's quoting Genesis 2 So it's what we read in Genesis 2 It's what Jesus quotes Paul's going to quote it here And he says Therefore a man shall leave his father And his mother And hold fast to his wife And the two shall become one flesh
This mystery is profound And I am saying That it refers to Christ And the church So Paul's going to say That way back in Genesis 2 God had in mind Christ's covenant love For the church Prior to ever creating marriage That one of the reasons Marriage is beautiful Is because it images Christ's love for the church The way Jesus is going to love the church When he pursues the church And goes to the cross for the church To rescue the church And to absolutely just give And give and give On behalf of the church So the church can actually have A healthy loving relationship That that's
The love That we're supposed to have The covenant relationship We're supposed to have in a marriage Is actually just a small picture Of the way that Christ loves the church Of the way that Jesus Laid his life down For the church To rescue the church And that's beautiful Because the church Those who place faith in Jesus Brought nothing to the table Except for our sin and brokenness And Jesus took the worst thing The deal breaker All the mess that we had Everything that should have Excluded us from his love And he makes it the most beautiful Because that's where he steps in And redeems And he puts us in a relationship
That we can't lose the relationship We can't get out of it Because it's based off of Jesus Pursuing us forever The cross is Jesus Definitively declaring I will always love you That's why marriage Gets to be beautiful Because it's a small picture Of what the gospel is And that's why Since marriage is about the gospel We actually can be in a covenant When we're terrible at them There's nothing in our heart That helps us do covenants Our hearts are broken and off And we're really good At consumeristic relationships Because I get to bounce out of those But covenants we're terrible at But when we see how Jesus loved us And pursued us
And continued to chase after us Even when we were broken We get to stay in a covenant And our marriage gets to be beautiful It's the same reason That you can be perfectly single Your entire life Because your fullness Isn't going to come From some other person It comes from Jesus Your health and joy And happiness Doesn't come from another human You're never going to find it in them You'll crush them if you try to It only comes from Jesus Francis Chan says That the way this works Is like If we go scuba diving And we only have one oxygen tank That's a consumeristic relationship One of us is breathing
The other person's hurting One of us is getting life The other person's losing it But that's a consumeristic relationship Either I'm winning I'm getting life Or you're winning You're getting life But there's no way for us both To be built up There's no freedom We're dependent on one another We need to suck from one another To get life To keep this thing going And that Jesus Being our primary relationship Gives us both oxygen tanks And then we're free Scuba diving with two oxygen tanks Gets to be a lot of fun Because you don't have to steal From the other person To be okay
What's beautiful about Jesus Being the primary relationship The covenant being The primary relationship Is that my wife Just gets to be married To a sinner Who isn't going to fix her Or complete her Or make her happy All the time It's not going to happen I'm not going to cure her loneliness All of that's found in Jesus And if it's all found in Jesus She can just be married To a guy who messes up terribly a lot And still be okay Single people You're not going to find a person Who's going to fill you up Make you happy Complete you Just cure your loneliness
It's not going to happen Only Jesus is going to do that It's the only way that works That marriage is first and foremost A picture of the gospel I want to close on Telling you a story That I think helps us see The beauty of Jesus' love for us And what a covenant Gets to look like What it was designed to be There was a A guy named Robertson McQuilkin McQuilkin We'll just call him Robertson Because I can't say his last name He was the He was in ministry A good bit in his life He met a lady named Muriel Asked her to marry him On Valentine's Day
She said yes They got married in August They had a great relationship Loved one another Enjoyed one another They even were They were missionaries Overseas for a while They were doing ministry together About 30 years into their marriage They were out to eat And hanging out with some friends And Muriel tells a story And they all kind of laughed About three minutes later She starts telling the exact same story And so they were like Um What You know you just told that right And she She didn't She didn't remember That she had just told that
And she was like Oh no Sorry I must have just spaced out And they were like Oh okay You know And they just They moved on But over the next several months She began to do this more often To the point that They went to a doctor And she had early onset Alzheimer's And so At first this was okay I mean they were just trying To work around it She would She would forget She It began to Affect her speech
She couldn't kind of Find the words That she wanted to use And so she had to Kind of step back From ministry But they were still Still Everything was going well I mean you know She just was Continually kind of Degrading mentally And Um Then it got to the point Where she was only Comfortable Around Her husband Robertson The only person She would be okay with The only person She'd be happy with
When he wasn't around She'd get really scared She just kind of Was confused Didn't know what was going on And she was only Comfortable around him And so he was actually The president of CIU Had been the president Of CIU For Years And he stepped down In his speech He actually said It was one of the easiest Decisions he ever made Um Because his wife Needed him And so He stepped down Quit doing ministry
Realized he just Needed to be full time Taking care of her And so he did At first this was okay They could travel some But then that That got Untenable Because they would go To other Other places And she would just Forget who she was And where she was And she would get lost And at one point He even had to call The police To help try to find her So they quit traveling And then it became They could kind of Grocery shop together
And that was one of the Things they did together But then that even Kind of broke down Because she would Start putting a bunch Of stuff in other People's carts And then just take The cart and walk off And so they had to Just kind of quit everything They just were homebound And he says She was fairly easy To take care of She was pleasant And they just kind of But she began to forget How to take care of herself So she He had to start Feeding her And changing her
And he would take her And get her hair cut And he started realizing That the way her hair looked After getting her hair cut Wasn't the way it used to And so he called Some of her friends And said You know What kind of shampoo Am I supposed to use After haircuts Because he wanted to Keep her hair the way She would have wanted it Even though she didn't know She didn't know anymore You know What she looked like And any of those kind of things But he just wanted to keep Taking care of her About this point
He read an article That was like A Dear Abby Kind of letter Right in a vice column And basically The article said I'm in a marriage But my wife Is no longer Meeting my needs What do I do? And the vice columnist Wrote back And basically said You're going to have to leave Like it's just It's just going to be over Like your relationship If they're not meeting your needs You really don't have any choice And he says He remembers reading that And just going
I'm so glad That my needs are met in Jesus So that I can just love my wife So I can just serve my wife And I don't have to take from her I don't need her to fulfill me And so it just kind of keeps going Eventually got to There's a story There was a guy over at his house At one point And his wife Really at this point Was mostly just in bed And he was having to do Pretty much everything for her And she'd even gotten Kind of confused As to what was happening And so there were times Where she would kind of Fight with him a little bit Because she just didn't know What was happening
When he was trying to feed her And change her His friend was over They were talking And he heard Muriel was awake And then he went into her room And he came walking back out And he was smiling And he went and got this little flag And he walked out To his front porch And he stuck a flag In a little flag holder And walked back inside And this friend The person visiting with him Said what was that about And he said well Muriel doesn't remember Who anyone is anymore Doesn't even remember Who I am And
But sometimes in the morning She smiles at me She smiles like she recognizes me And whenever she does that I want to be able to celebrate And I want my friends And neighbors to be able to celebrate So whenever she smiles I just go put a flag On the front porch Because today is a good day My wife remembers me He says in the last four years Of her life There were no more Smiling days But that was fun He even At the point When she started Forgetting who he was He had Some friends come to him And say hey
You've done a beautiful thing With Muriel But that's not her anymore She doesn't know who you are That's not your wife anymore It's not the same Muriel You can be done You can be done with this And his response was no Jesus doesn't give up on me I don't return his love The way I ought to He just pours love out on me I don't exist in a relationship With Jesus the way I'm designed to But he pursues me And never stops And he took care of Muriel For 25 years Before she passed away And he's written some books And some articles And he says that it's one of the He wouldn't trade it for anything
And not just because She was lovable And he wanted to Take care of her But that it was the best picture He ever had Of how Jesus loved him That Jesus absolutely pursues us Regardless That he loves us Regardless of what we bring To the table And that's what marriage Is designed to be It's designed to be This covenant That is so overwhelmed By the grace And the love of Jesus That we're perfectly free To continue to pour out And to give And to give And to give
Whether we're receiving or not And we're perfectly safe Where everything That would be a deal breaker Everything that would make Our relationship terminal Gets to be the most beautiful part of it Just like our relationship With Jesus God I pray I pray that we would be Filled up By you That we would be So overwhelmed By your love And your grace for us That we actually Would be able to To love our spouses well To be single well Knowing that completion And fullness come from you I pray Lord
That you'd help us to exist And Okay so We're going to take Just a little bit of time To answer some of the questions That you guys have had Throughout this series I appreciate You guys actually Sending in questions Taking the time To really wrestle with What does the Bible say About gender About marriage About sexuality It's actually been really good For us to wrestle with Some of the questions That you've sent in We've actually already answered With some of the sermons So if you've missed a Sunday
I would encourage you To go back and listen through And catch up And some of the things That you've asked Will be addressed In the weeks to come But just wanted to take A little bit of time And go ahead And answer Some of the questions Today So I'm going to kind of Walk us through our questions And we'll do our best To answer them So let's start with Question number one What are good principles For biblical dating Biblical Not Like I've heard your stories
So let's do biblical Yeah not Chet's Dating advice First of all Dating is a little bit Foreign to the Bible Because that's not really How they did stuff So there isn't like A chapter We're not going to be like Oh read Ephesians 2 That's the dating chapter It's not really there Here Some of the things That you need to just Understand Kind of fundamentally To help in Biblical dating One is Marriage is a covenant So the purpose
Of dating Is for marriage That's the The place that God has designed For romance And sexuality To play out Is in the relationship Of a man and a woman In a covenantal marriage So realize that Dating is To prepare for that Look for that Pursue that And not anything else So it isn't just for Fun While it should be It's not That's not the goal And since the last Two weeks
Since we've talked About masculinity And femininity Specifically within A marriage Those things apply But we all have Human relationships And so the things That men specifically Are called to Like cultivate Provide Protect And the things That women are called To Start working on Those now Regardless of Whatever that Relationship looks like So all of those Things still apply
To as well Within that Relationship Alright cool Let's do another one Why was it okay For bible figures To have multiple Wives but not Now Okay so That In the old testament There's a lot of Guys that have Multiple wives One of the reasons That question comes Out that way Is our assumption Is that whatever Is said in the bible Is some sort of a You should do this
Here's a command Here's a command To do and not to do The bible isn't Just that It's actually a lot Of stories Of a history Of a people And there are Commands And things Where it says Do this Don't do that This though Comes out of It's never a command To do it There aren't any Direct prohibition Against it Other than What we just
Looked at today Where marriage Was designed To be between One man One woman They were to Become one flesh And stay that way And if you Read through The old testament There is never One example Of polygamy That is held up As a good idea They all Go very poorly So a little bit Of when people Say well the People used to Have multiple
Lives in the Old testament They never Said it was Bad It's like if You watched Schindler's list Or remember The titans Depending on Age group here And what you've Seen and what You remember And at the End you said Why didn't Somebody come Out at the End of the Credits and Say hey Racism is
Bad Like why Didn't someone Tell me That It's like Dude the Story told You that Like you Saw it You saw That this Was a Terrible Idea So we See that God Designed it To be One way We see A bunch
Of people Carry it Out another Way And all Of those Are bad Like it Never works Out well It's never Like oh This polygamy Relationship Is great So and Then in the New testament There are Specific places A couple Different places Where it's Like this
Isn't okay And we see Where Jesus Steps back In in Matthew 19 And says No no no This is what It was designed To be So those Are really Just stories There's a lot Of really Messed up People Then the Question becomes Well why Does God Bless them If they're
Doing bad Stuff And the Answer to That is Who would He bless If he Can't bless Sinners Like if he Can't step In and work On behalf Of sinners You just Want him to Kill all Of us Right now And I Would vote No Let's not
Have him Do that Let's have Him work On our Behalf Even though We're Messed up And so All right Good next Question Why would Homosexuality Still be a Sin when Other old Testament Laws No longer Apply Okay so That is
Specifically Addressing In the old Testament Laws Leviticus Deuteronomy Leviticus 20 Specifically It says that Homosexuality Is a sin And then there Are other Old testament Laws like Don't cut The corners Of your hair Don't eat Shellfish Don't eat Pork And it's
Like okay I'm eating Pork Why are you Still holding Up this Other Why are you Eating bacon And telling me That homosexuality Is a sin First of all The old testament Law is broken Up into a Couple of Different Kind of Categories Ceremonial Law Moral Law
Civil Law So they Were a Nation So they Had civil Laws Like here's What to Do if Your bull Kills Another Bull Like the Way we Have road Laws And stuff And if You go to Australia And you
Ride on The same Side of The street That we Do you're In trouble Over there But over Here Does that Make sense Okay so Like there's Some civil Laws We're not In the Nation of Israel Anymore There are Some ceremonial Laws
That had to Do with The temple And cleanliness And then There are Moral laws And the Moral laws Are the Ones That we More Carry over Which is Like don't Date your Sister Like we Bring those Along with Us The other Short
Short answer To this Question is That the New testament Still says That homosexuality Is a Sin Now That's the Short answer To answer That question Homosexuality Is still A sin In the New testament And most Of the Moral laws Are still Going to
Carry over From the Old testament That's not A very Helpful Complete answer So let me Say a few Other things To be a Little more Helpful here One is As I Answer this Question And try to Answer it A little bit More fully If this Is something You actually
Legitimately Have a Question about Or struggle With I'd love To grab Coffee With you And have A conversation That it's Not going To be Answered Most helpfully Like this Second is Two weeks From now That's what Our sermon Is going To be
Mostly About Is how In Christianity Do we View this And approach This In a Healthy Biblical Way So I would Encourage you To be Back Two weeks From now Let me Say a Few more Things One is
Homosexuality Is listed In the Bible As a Sin Along With Other Sins It Also In the Bible Is treated As action So to Say men Who practice Homosexuality Not as Personhood Identity Orientation
Like it's Not addressed That way In the Bible Meaning That we Hold up Our sexuality As who We are In our Culture Because we Have begun To elevate Sexuality To a Place it Doesn't Deserve To be We believe That sex
Is ultimate That romance Is ultimate And so When we Do that We begin To say If I Feel a Sexual Feeling That Identifies Me We talked About this A couple Of weeks Ago So when We say Homosexuality Is a
Sin It actually Turns Into A personal Attack Whereas the Bible Is not Approaching It as A personal Attack Because the Bible Is approaching It as No It's not Orientation It's the Action That is a Sin
So when We act On So it's The same It'll be Enlist With perjurers And liars And the greedy And all this Kind of stuff And we'll spend Some time Looking at That next Week So it's Addressed As a Sin Action And is The same
As other Sins Is not Elevated As one More special Or deserving More of Aggression Or anything Like that It is a Sin Like other Sins And if Someone Struggles With that In our Church Family Or if You're here
And you Struggle With that Join the Club of Sinners Who trust In Jesus That's That's Who's here Yeah And that's Good I think Our last Question Has something To do With that How should Christians Interact With the
LGBTQ Community I'll answer That one Like Jesus Like Jesus Jesus Spent his Time With Types of People From all Kinds of Different Backgrounds Different Belief Systems All kinds Of Different Things And Jesus
Was loving And he Was Welcoming And he Was hospitable He went Out of His way To build Relationships And so If your Relationship With someone Who would Identify in This community Is just Based off Of their Sexual Preference Or orientation
I would Challenge you To grab A cup Of coffee And get To know That person On a More Deeper Level The church Should be A place Where we Welcome People Of all Different Backgrounds Where we Can lovingly Engage
With what Does the Bible Say How does The gospel Impact our Lives Specifically When it Comes to Areas Of sin And how Is Jesus Better than Those things And really That question Could be How should Christians Interact With our
Friends Who sleep Around How should Christians Interact With my Friend Who steals All the Time Like it It's Just a The Bible Is going to Treat that Homosexuality As a Sin Not as Any kind Of special Identifying
Marker That makes You a Certain type Of person But actually We just The same Way you Would love And be Gracious Towards Everybody Else So we're Planning to Do Q&A On the Last Sunday Of this Series as Well so If maybe
Some of Our questions Have sparked Other questions You can turn Those into The give Box or you Can do it Through facebook Twitter you can Do it online There's a ton There's a ton Of different Ways you Can do it That's Can do it I believe You can Rak
Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice?
Our culture puts an immense amount of pressure on women. So many women are crushed by the weight of having a perfect body, perfect kids, and perfect relationships. But is that really what it means to be a woman? What if femininity has nothing to do with wearing a dress?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We are in the fourth week of our series, The Theology of Sex, where we're just taking some time to look at what the Bible has to say about gender, sexuality, romance, marriage, masculinity, femininity. A lot of times, we love the Bible. I have a problem. I start multiple sentences and that wasn't going to work out well together. A lot of times, because we love the Bible, we just study straight through a book of the Bible.
We'll just open it up. We'll go straight through. We spent a good bit of time this past year in 1 Peter. Some people might say a little too much time, but we walked verse by verse through 1 Peter. Really, we like the Bible. We study the Bible.
We believe that it's Scripture that helps us grow, that changes us, that Jesus works through that, through the Holy Spirit, to move us and to change us. But we also like to take time to say, okay, we're confused about this or we're having a hard time with this in our culture. And then we, instead of just studying straight through a book, we'll actually just kind of go to the Bible and say, what does the Bible have to say about these topics? And try to dig in that way. And that's kind of what we're doing right now. We're just spending some time talking about the theology of sex.
So last week, we talked about masculinity. We talked about what it meant to be a man, what biblical manhood was. And this week, we're going to talk about femininity, what it means to be a woman, what biblical womanhood is. And in general, in our culture, we're a little bit more positive towards women right now in our culture. We, in general, celebrate women. We want to promote women.
And there's really good examples of women in the workplace. And just in our culture, we're trying to look for ways to promote, to highlight. We kind of agree as a culture that women are great, even when maybe culturally the jury's still out on men. We're kind of on board with the idea that women are good, like we're pro-woman. And that hasn't always been the case throughout history. And that really is kind of a small window right now where we're saying, no, we need to, women are wonderful.
Let's promote them. Let's highlight them. But just because the climate is different for men and women, I actually don't think it makes it easier to be a woman. I don't really know, but I don't think it does. Just because there's so much now where it's the cause for, you need to be free from a man. You need to be, this is where joy comes from.
This is where freedom comes from. And then you'll also have the, no, if you just find the right man, then you'll be complete, then you'll be fulfilled. Or freedom comes from a career, or you have these mommy blogs that are like, you need to raise your own chickens and grow your own kale so that your kid doesn't turn into some weird high fructose corn syrup blob of a monster. Like all of this pressure to be all of these things. And it just seems in general like it makes being a woman more difficult kind of in our culture. And we really need to have a good handle on what is femininity?
What is the essence of womanhood? Because it just seems like we've got kind of a cluttered message out there right now. When my wife and I sit down and watch TV in the evenings, mostly, I look pretty good. Like as long as I'm not like an overgrown boy, I kind of know my kid's name and talk to my wife and have a job. And in general, I'm not an idiot. I'm beating most of the people we watch on TV.
Like most of the characters in shows, I look pretty good. But my wife, there's a lot of like really good examples of women in these shows that just have everything together. They've got their jobs working out perfectly. They're the one that tends to the house. Whenever the kids have problems, they fix it. And it just seems like there's a lot of pressure on females to kind of be everything at this point.
And so we really want to just kind of get some handles on biblically. What is the essence of femininity? What does it mean to be feminine, to kind of stretch into and press into womanhood? And so a few kind of disclaimers as we get started. One, I am aware that I am a man and therefore not a woman. But like always, we're going to try to open the Bible and say, here's we're going to let Scripture teach us, God instruct us and try to to learn as best we can from the text and not from personal opinion or personal experience, which I have very little of.
So single ladies in the room, like last week, femininity is not based off of role. So you don't have to be a wife. You don't have to be a mother. It doesn't wait for those things. That's not the completion of womanhood throughout Scripture. Let me just say this to help the ladies in the room that that read the Bible on a regular basis, that you study the Bible on a regular basis.
You read the Bible on a regular basis and you just kind of like, I don't see a lot of single women in Scripture. You are correct. There aren't a lot of single women in Scripture. Reason being is two primary reasons. One is in the Old Testament, we're mostly following the story of a family. So God's working through a race, through a people.
And so most of the major characters are going to be people who line up in that family. And so we're going to follow a lot of wives and mothers when you when they enter into the story because it's a people group. God was working through a family leading up to the lineage of Jesus. That's why the New Testament is going to start off with lineages. And most of the women that were highlighted in the Old Testament line up in those lineages. The other thing is just culturally.
There wasn't a lot of room for females to go get jobs, to just enter the marketplace. Just culturally, it didn't work that way. Most people were farmers. Most females were married off at a very young age. And so just because Scripture gives a lot of examples of wives and mothers, it does not mean that it's wrong to be single. Well, actually, in the New Testament, Paul's going to say it's great to be single.
You do really well to be single actually affirms singleness and says that's a beautiful, wonderful way to live and to reflect the image of God. And that's that's good and wonderful. And people don't have to get married. So even as we study Scripture and as you study Scripture and you see a lot of mothers and wives, they're going to live out their femininity in the role they were given. And you're going to get to do the same in the roles that you have. So femininity isn't based off of role.
It's actually just going to express itself through the roles that you're given. And so don't have to be married. Don't have to be a mother. Femininity is much deeper than that. So as we go in, just remember that men in the room, I'm going to intentionally, overtly, maybe even at times a little bit aggressively go after some of the moronic stereotypes that we have of women.
And your role will be to repent of the ones that you have believed and anywhere that you have helped propagate those. And then actively in the future to tell people to shut up and to help them not continue. So that's that's what you get to do. Also, it's about a thousand times easier for females to to express and to step into their femininity when men express and step into their masculinity. For the most part, when men abdicate their role, women step in and begin to cultivate and provide and protect like we talked about last week. And it becomes dang near impossible for them to do both for them to pick up your slack and do what they're supposed to.
So one of the best ways that we love the ladies in the room is by actually being men. And so if you didn't hear the sermon last week, I would encourage you to listen to it and then seek to grow with us as we try to be men. Guys in the room, if you're single and feel called to get married and are looking to date, this is what you're looking for in a female. And this is if you're married, what you're encouraging and celebrating in your wife. OK, one more one more quick caveat. I am I want I want us to remember that what we're talking about, we're saying specifically this is essence of femininity.
This is something that is core to femininity. This is maybe an issue that maybe ladies struggle with more. When we say those things, we don't mean men can't do these things or if a man does them, he's wrong in the same way. We didn't mean that last week. So if you're like, wait a second, I'm not supposed to protect.
I'm not supposed to provide just because I'm a woman. It's like, no, we're not saying that. We're just saying that's essential to masculinity. So it's like I looked at my wife one time. We're about to leave and go somewhere. I said, I said, you look, I really like that shirt.
She looked at me and she went, you don't like my other shirts. And I was like, why would you take it that way? Why would that? Why would one compliment to a shirt immediately be like me attacking all of your other clothes? That's not what I. So if we say something in a positive way, this is for femininity.
Don't immediately turn it around and apply it to everything else because we're not trying to say that. So don't be like my wife, I guess, is the way that's supposed to work. So I didn't mean it quite that way. I'm going to pray because, Lord, I need help. And we're going to hop in and try to avoid more ditches. God, we thank you that you're good.
We thank you that you're gracious to us. And we pray, Lord, that in this that we would study your word and that we would grow in our understanding of what femininity is, how you designed humanity, both male and female, on purpose and with a good design that brings joy and human flourishing. We pray for the ladies in the room that they would press into you as they learn to press into and flex and grow in their God-given design. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. All right, we're going to be in Genesis chapter 1 and chapter 2, and then we'll move around a little bit.
But we'll start there this morning. Genesis chapter 1 is on page 1 in this Bible. If you don't own a Bible, this is our gift to you. Take it with you. Genesis chapter 1, starting in verse 26, 27, and 28. We're going to read that real quick together.
We've read this about every week through this series because it's essential to us understanding gender and sexuality. Then God said, Let us make man in our image after our likeness, and let them, such humanity, have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. And God blessed them and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.
So God in creation makes male and female in his image and likeness. That both masculinity and femininity are designed to reflect God to the world. That both are. So it has been wrongly taught and wrongly taught from this passage, from a poor reading of the text, that this is only that men are made in God's image and females are not. It has been wrongly taught that women are innately inferior to men, and that is garbage. It's not true.
It clearly says that male and female were made in the image of God, and that that was God's good design from the very beginning. That there are ways that masculinity images God and ways that femininity images God. I'm going to try to say womanhood from now on, because that's going to get harder and harder as the day goes on. Womanhood images God that masculinity can't. So God intentionally designed manhood and womanhood differently on purpose.
So there have been the wrong ideas of women are inferior to men. They need to be barefoot in the kitchen. They need to know their role. They need to know their place. And that that is completely backwards, incorrect and is a as a heinous, aggressive stare down in the face of God's good design to make women in his image. And we completely reject that.
And out of that has arisen, actually, a rightly began the movement of feminism, looked at that and rejected that idea correctly, correctly rejected that idea. But then went the opposite direction with it. So that feminism says women and men are the same. If not, women are better than men. They can do everything a man can do. They're designed to operate the same way men are designed.
And they can do all the same things. They're designed the same way and are even better and superior in a lot of ways. And it's like, no, actually, God, when he designed humanity, made them distinct on purpose. That it's more than a biological distinction over how babies are made. That he actually intentionally created a gulf and made masculinity a certain way and femininity a certain way, far beyond biology, that was designed to be lived out in a way that together imaged him. That they were not complete without him.
So that masculinity and femininity are designed to complement one another, to shore up each other's weaknesses, to make each other's strengths stronger. One of the ways that this shows up, he gives them the, he says, God blessed them and said, be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. So the call to human flourishing is given to humanity in general, to males and females together, to work together, to subdue the earth. And it would not happen outside of both being there. Outside of masculinity and femininity playing out on a global scale, you wouldn't have human flourishing. One of the coolest examples of this, that's kind of in our own country, and I heard somebody talking about it recently and it reminded me of a Ken Burns documentary.
I don't know if you all know about Ken Burns, but that man can document stuff. And he does a lot of like PBS documentaries and stuff. And I watched one of the Old Wests. And when the West got started, when U.S. citizens started moving out that way, it was mostly just men. Men went, they were hunting, they were kind of trapping, getting furs, they were chasing after gold, they were chasing after land, they were being chased after by people. But they all just kind of moved out that way, and it was just men.
And there were a lot of like shanty towns and tents, and it was pretty terrible. But it was mostly just men that moved out there. It wasn't until the second wave when a large proportion of females went with them. And then suddenly, towns, laws, streets, like systems of government. Men by themselves could only take it so far. They were like, I'm here, there's a tent.
I use the bathroom over there. Got it. Like it was for some reason, masculinity only had half the picture. Like it could only handle so much. And then it wasn't until masculinity and femininity worked together that we began to see flourishing, began to see sustainable forms of life and growth. And honestly, that's kind of the picture we see at the very beginning of Scripture, where God makes male and female on purpose and says, this is how the world is going to flourish, is if you work together distinctly complementing one another.
So let's hop in. Let's look at some three essential ways that women image God to the world. And we're going to start in Genesis chapter 2. We're going to look at 15 and 18 to begin to see this. So Genesis chapter 2, that's one page over.
Oh, I jumped away too many pages. 15. The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it. That's what we talked about last week. So God takes the man and puts him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.
And then he says something really kind of surprising in the text in verse 18. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. If you've been reading through Genesis 1 and into Genesis 2, every time it would say God said something, he did something, and he saw that it was good. And then God said something, he saw it, and it was good. And God said something, he saw it, and it was good.
This is the first time that God does something and then goes, that's not good. And it's not a slight on Adam. It's just that masculinity alone is incomplete. Manhood alone is incomplete. And so when God designs femininity, he intentionally designs it different. He did not make one generic human person.
It wasn't like, oh, he just needs a team. No, he specifically intentionally made femininity different from masculinity. Womanhood different from manhood in order to work together on it. And so it says that I will make a helper fit for him. So the first kind of essential thing we see, we're going to look at that word helper.
And so immediately you're going, really? Helper? That's what we're starting off with? Yes, helper is what we're starting off with. It's from the word azer in the text. And it's really kind of two words stuck together.
It's the word strength and rescue kind of smooshed together. So the idea of helper in the text is not the idea that we have where we'll say stuff like, oh, you're going to be my little helper today. It's not at all what we're talking about. It's kind of the same as I was at the zoo the other day and was looking at a tiger and the little things like, tiger is a part of the cat family. And it's like, yeah, but they're a lot different from cats though, right? And so when we say the word helper, we kind of hear cat.
And it's like, sure, technically, but think more tiger. So when it says strong rescuer, that word helper is used 21 times in the Old Testament. 17 times it's referring to God. It's always referring to this moment of like a last ditch. Everything was going to be terrible until help came, until rescue came. The Septuagint, which is the Greek version of the Old Testament, actually translates that word auxiliary, which would be a backup reinforcement unit in the military.
So when it says that God looked at Adam and said he needs a helper, he doesn't mean little sidekick teammate. He means he needs a strong, empowering rescuer in some ways. That if you were reading the text in the original Hebrew, you'd be going, okay, this isn't looking good. This isn't looking good. Ah, reinforcements. We're not going to lose this battle.
This is actually going to work out. And so when it comes to biblical essence of femininity, one of the things woven into the heart and soul of womanhood is this, to be a helper, to be an ezer, which is, think about the idea of foreign aid. When a country comes to another nation, they're torn apart by war and famine and poverty, and they approach a bigger, stronger nation and say, hey, we need your help. We need you to step in and lend us your strength. That's the concept here. That's the picture we're given of biblical femininity, which means this.
Your strength exists for the benefit of others. Biblical femininity is that you were given strength on purpose for the benefit of others. That you're designed to notice weakness. That you're designed to notice pain. That you're designed to see those who need help and step in and empower them and equip them and help them. To step in where there's brokenness and bring healing and joy and life.
That's the idea here. It's like a mother that, over time, pours out her life for a child that is going to take life out of her and take life out of her and take life out of her. And less and less and less over time until the child is a full-grown, capable adult. That's the idea. That you would come around everyone around you. And it doesn't have anything to do with role.
It doesn't have anything to do with where you find yourself. You're going to do this with your roommates. You're going to do this with your community group. You're going to do this with your husband, with your children. You're going to look and see weakness. You're designed to see weakness and pain and step in and realize that your strength exists to be on loan for others.
That your energy exists to be on loan for others. That your joy exists to be on loan for others. To empower them and equip them. So there's currently kind of a conversation going on where there's this movement for if anybody around you drains you. If anybody around you is needy, you just need to get rid of that person. You just need to get them out of your life.
They're just a leech. They're just sucking the life out of you. You need to get rid of them. That's actually very unhelpful. Because part of the design of femininity is to pour out your life and your energy for the behalf of others. To lend your strength for others to grow strong and to be healthy.
And so one of the ways that this can... It is designed for other people to grow, to be empowered and to be equipped and to be sent out. It's not designed to be codependency. To where you only feel valuable if you're needed. So there have been, and even like in situations where a husband is on drugs and having issues with drugs.
Where a wife will actually come along at some point when he's doing better and help him relapse. Because she only understands her role as being needed. And if he's not on drugs, she doesn't understand how she has value anymore. It's not that idea at all. It's not the idea that you have to be needed at all times. It's just that you notice, step in, equip, empower and send out.
We sometimes use the term woman's intuition. So like my wife and I will go hang out with people and when we'll leave, she'll go... So, what was up with Gary? What? What was going on with him? Nothing?
There was definitely something going on with him. No, there wasn't. Y'all didn't talk about it? Talk about what? The thing that was going on. There wasn't a thing going on.
Like, we have these conversations all the time. She's like, what was wrong with them? Or I'll go hang out with someone that I already know there's a thing going on. And when I come back, she'll go, so what did y'all talk about? I'll be like, nothing. What about that problem they're having?
Oh, yeah. Nope. Didn't come up. How did it not come up? He didn't bring it up. I didn't.
I didn't. I didn't bring it up. What am I going to say? How's that pain going? Like, I'm not. But there's just something in femininity in her for her to notice that, to be drawn to that, and to step in, to help, to equip, to fix.
And honestly, there's a little bit of, okay, but what about my strength existing for me? What about what I'm equipped with existing for me? But the truth is, this is a very biblical concept to its core for humanity, not just femininity. That Jesus is going to say, deny yourself. He's going to say, pick up your cross, follow me. He's going to say that if you seek your own life, you'll lose it.
But if you lose your life for my sake, you'll gain it. He's going to say that he didn't come to be served, but to serve and to give his life on behalf of others. And there's actually something very godly in a way that you image God by using your strength for the benefit of others. That it's written into your soul. You're designed to do it. To see weakness, to step in, to equip, and to help.
The second one that we're going to see, we're going to jump to 320. We're just kind of following along this story, looking at Eve and realizing that a lot of this is talking specifically about her, but we're just trying to see as a type, as the first woman, as the first essence of femininity, representative of all femininity on earth. How does this play out? What is she called to? And how does this continue? So verse 20 says, the man called his wife's name Eve because she was the mother of all living.
Okay, this is actually really interesting where this shows up. It says he called his wife's name Eve. Eve means life because she was the mother of all living. This is prior to her having any children. So a lot of times, in a lot of cultures, not our culture, people are named names, given names based off of their characteristics, based off of their role, based off of who they are.
So in the Bible, there's a guy named Barnabas, which just means he's an encourager. They gave him that name because he was already encouraging. They weren't just like, hey, you seem like in the future you might encourage people. I'm going to start calling you Barnabas. It's like, hey, weirdo, don't change my name. It's like, but he was very encouraging.
So they just like, that became his nickname. That's what they called him. They changed his name to that. A lot of cultures still do this. My cousins, my parents, my grandparents were missionaries in Nigeria. I've got some first generation African-American cousins from Nigeria.
And one of my cousins married a guy named John. And it's really funny when I get to introduce them to people because I get to say, this is my cousin John. This is my cousin Iannu. Sorry, I messed it up. This is my cousin Iannu and her husband John. And John is aggressively white like I am.
He's got a big head. He's got kind of reddish beard like I do. And so immediately when I say, this is my cousin Iannu and her husband John, people like twitch because it's like, wait, I think he said that wrong. Because this is your cousin, the big white guy that looks like you. And so it's always fun. But this past Christmas, they sent from Nigeria, from their family, sent over clothes for all of them and had written their names in the clothes that they sent.
So they were going to have traditional Nigerian clothes and they've written their names in it. And John saw his and it said, John Oyinbo. And he looked at my uncle, my uncle Abel and goes, oh, Oyinbo, is that like my Nigerian name? And my uncle started laughing so hard he couldn't talk. Like he was like wheezing, couldn't get words out. Finally, when he caught his breath, he said, it means John white guy.
They also call you Okalawan, which is different person. But there's this idea in a lot of cultures that you get a name that goes with who you are. You get a name that kind of defines your. And so when he names her Eve, when he names her life and says she's the mother of life prior to her having children, there's actually this picture of not just she's going to be the mother of everyone, not just she is the mother of all life later, but also just this design in her, in femininity to bring life, to give life, to be a refuge is kind of the second idea we're going to look at this morning. So it's one of the ways that helped me understand this idea was I was reading a book by C.S.
Lewis and he was talking about his relationship with his father and his relationship with his mother. And when he was really young, his mother passed away. And after she passed away, he wrote this in this book. He said, with my mother's death, all settled happiness, all that was tranquil and reliable disappeared from my life. There was to be much fun, many pleasures, many stabs at joy, but no more of the old security. It was sea and islands.
Now, the great continent had sunk like Atlantis. There's just this idea that without his mother, there there wasn't the same amount of of a refuge. His home wasn't home anymore. It was certainly a place to go to when he was out of school, certainly a place to be. But he never would feel quite like he was just free, just at home.
It's kind of the idea of if last week we said manhood is like being four walls and a roof, then femininity is a fireplace. It's everything that makes life livable. It's it's it's and it's not your ability to Martha Stewart, your house or to Pinterest, the fool out of everything. It has nothing to do with that. It doesn't have anything to do with your craftiness and whether or not your house has anything on the wall at all. It doesn't have have anything to do with you own a home.
It all it is is that home is where you are. Family is where you are. And we've all known people like this that just set us free to be ourselves. You know, you have certain friends and maybe your family that when you get around them, you're just more you than you are anywhere else. You're just a little less guarded, a little more free. I'm like this with my brothers.
They already know everything about me. So it's just and they have to be my brother forever. Like I just if I took them off, it's like, see you later. You're still my brother. See you at Christmas. How do you like them apples?
Like there's no no getting rid of me. And then there are certain people you get around and they just do the same thing. Certain ladies you get around and they just completely make you feel at home, make you feel welcome, make you feel free. And that's the idea of that she almost the infemininity written into the soul of femininity is the idea that you're actually a little bit of a mother to everybody. And I mean that in the most beautiful way, like the idea that everybody becomes part of your family. Everybody is fully welcome and free around you.
I can remember when I was in high school, my mom, any any story I had to tell, she was interested in just because I was telling the story. Like all that mattered was I was one of the characters in the story and she was happy, just like if I thought it was interesting. So I didn't the threshold for what she wanted to hear when I came home from school was very, very low. So on the way home, I'd be like, all right, let me think of something I can tell my mom. And I come up with some story that was just really not even a story. It didn't have any plot twists.
It didn't even really have any kind of where it was going. It was just like a thing. And in the middle of these stories a lot, my dad would walk into the room and he'd go, what? And I'd go, no, nothing. And he'd go, no, what? What are y'all talking about?
Because my mom would be laughing. She would actually make this story that wasn't a story like sound good. She'd laugh. She'd ask questions. She'd be like, what was his name? How did that happen?
Oh, my goodness. A Pepsi Cola. Like she just would make it like it didn't have to have any point. And somebody would go, what? What? No, y'all are talking.
What is it? And I'd go, this guy at school, he didn't have his homework. Before the teacher was going to take it up, he freaked out. And my dad would go, that's a stupid story. And walk off. And this happened on a regular basis.
And he never learned that the story wasn't going to be good. I like, he has a threshold for what makes a good story. I know that. I don't tell these stories to him. But there was something about my mom that just made it free.
Made me get to be me in a way that nobody else does. And there's something in femininity that allows you to just lower everybody's guard. That you're designed to make people feel comfortable and welcome and free. And it doesn't have anything to do with personality type. My wife's very quiet, very reserved. Three of her best friends were, it was a girl her age, a girl that was her sister, four or five years older, and their mom.
And that group of, that family, those three ladies, they believe if they have a thought, they had it for them to share with you. If they have an opinion, it was designed for them to say it out loud. They are very flamboyant, loud, happy, loud people. And they absolutely are themselves and they make you feel like yourself when you're around them. It doesn't have anything to do with personality type. It has to do with the ability to, you're not being judged.
You're not being graded. You're not having to live up to a standard. Ladies, if you're consistently having to compare yourself to other people and having to jockey for position and posture yourself to look good, you destroy your ability to do this. Because people aren't free around you because you need them to build you up. But when you're free in Christ to just be open to everybody, to just be welcoming to everybody, you get to kind of step into this role where home is where you are.
Family is where you are and your circle of concern just extends to everybody around you. My grandmother is like this. She hasn't met a person that she hasn't just adopted into her family for however long she's known them. Whether that's they sat near each other on a plane or she knew them for a couple of years before she moved or they moved. Everyone around her, she extends her circle of concern and they are just welcome with her. They're a part of her family the same that everyone else is.
And there's just something distinct in femininity that allows that to happen, that allows you to welcome and to be a refuge to everyone around you. And it doesn't have anything to do with personality type, with role. It actually is just something that's designed in the nature of womanhood. The third one is kind of interesting. So we're going to jump back into the narrative here in Genesis chapter 223.
We're going to look at the narrative and then we're going to go to 1 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. So God had put Adam on earth.
2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. So God had put Adam on earth. He had had him name all the animals. So he brought animal after animal after animal by named all the animals and said there was no suitable empowering strength, no suitable auxiliary for him, no suitable helper. and so then he makes Eve and he brings him to Eve and then it says the man said this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called a woman because she was taken out of man so when Adam sees Eve we get the first poetry in history it's either poetry or song it's not great I know you read it and you're like Adam bro step up your game man like this isn't I don't even like it doesn't rhyme hopefully it rhymed in Hebrew this isn't really great but what he what he does it's a little bit of this moment where his his heart finds resonance with her he he feels like finally he actually starts off with at last it's like that song at last like he just he sees her and it's just like and and there's this idea in creation and in God God is beautiful he's designed to be captivating to be delighted in there's over and over in the Psalms where David and other psalmists are writing and saying I just want to look at you I just want to stare at you I just want to be caught up in you and God specifically designed creation to be beautiful and there's something about femininity that has some of that impressed in it and it is not physical beauty or at least not only physical beauty so let's jump to first Peter before this gets really confusing and we take this in the wrong direction first Peter three says this is first Peter uh some of y'all familiar with this we spent the time studying this last year uh do not let your adorning be external okay uh some versions are going to translate that do not let your adorning be
External only and the word adorning there is cosmos which really means world so we use the the world the same way that sometimes we will say uh his whole world is sports uh that family that like her kids or her whole world so what he's saying is don't let your whole everything around you your whole existence be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's side is very precious God specifically in creation made things beautiful made them to have a a weight and a gravity to be delighted in and gazed upon and there's something specific to femininity that evokes that that God has impressed his own way that that women image the image God is through a captivating personhood through a soul-stirring beauty and our culture has twisted this and marred this and bulldozed this into some nonsense we have absolutely turned it into a physical only sham of what God designed it to be we we are we have held up as a standard airbrushed supermodels that don't even look like that like they've had so much photoshopping and airbrushing they don't even look like the standard that they're propagating we're holding up a unicorn culturally and saying that this is what beauty is and peter's saying no no don't let your adorning only be that there's something in femininity that is for beautifying beautifying the world beautifying yourself making things beautiful but don't let it be can you go back to first peter don't let it be external only let it be the hidden person of the heart let it be depth of soul that leads to beauty honestly as these first two things come together there can be an imperishable beauty that doesn't age that continues forever doesn't grow old doesn't need to have doctors step in later and fix things that there's a genuine depth of personhood that makes beauty that makes uh females a delight womanhood a delight to be gazed at there's some of you ladies realize this early and it starts early it's really interesting I was talking with josh pabone yesterday he's got four children he has two boys
And two girls his boys say this hey dad look at this hey dad look at this and they're like look at this and they're like hit their brother with a stick like look at this kick I can do look at this thing I set on fire look at this lizard I caught look look at me do this but it's always this look at this and his daughters he's got two daughters and they say dad look at me look at me look at me if they're even if they're doing an activity the thing is look at me do this activity the goal isn't to look at the activity is to look at me they'll get dressed up aren't I beautiful look at me they have this desire to be delighted in for themselves it's it's innate it's woven in and we have distorted it twisted it and marred it and traded it in for some nonsense we we sold out genuine soul-stirring depth of personhood we sold out genuine beauty for a cheap marred hollow expression of it we sold out soul level delight for a momentary lust heart stopping resonance for a heart racing momentary nonsense it's like we traded in a carnival roller coaster for a lifelong adventure it's not worth the exchange that you were designed to be beautiful to be captivating to be gazed upon to be delighted in but not just not a not just a physical thing but actually to have depth of personhood that is welcomed and loved and delighted in and and honestly out of this uh grows this desire so when he's talking about let your your world not only be external it grows this desire to build a veneer to to paint everything up as if it is perfect to paint up your whole life as if you have everything together and honestly perfection when it comes to a pursuit of perfection that's kind of just a a feminine thing ladies pursue perfection in a way that men do not that was there's a there's an article in the land at the atlantic recently that was talking about this it's talking about closing the confidence gap was the name of the article and they're basically writing saying that overqualified women still don't apply for jobs that they're overqualified for because they're not sure if they're quite qualified enough and that underqualified men apply in mass like have empirically the data shows this would be terrible you're going to break this in half and sink it and they're like I deserve a shot let me have at it I think I could do a good
Job like and it just it's it's baffling they said that um that women don't uh turn in reports until they've edited them ad nauseum that they've they just feel this weight of perfection that men just it just doesn't show up on their radar there was a they did a study at cornell in a in an engineering course where uh it was kind of a course where people would flunk out in the course is one of those courses that just you got kind of to the middle and it just created space in the school and they were doing a study on the the males in the class and the females in the class and whenever it got hard almost a hundred percent of the males uh reacted externally and this class is hard this professor's tough these tests just got ridiculous and almost a hundred percent of the females reacted internally I knew I wasn't smart enough to handle this I knew I wasn't I knew I knew I couldn't cut it there's this weight of perfection this weight of trying to build this everything's all right around me it seems to to specifically land on on feminine shoulders that's why uh barbie dolls we just now we have female shaped barbie dolls now so like we should celebrate like they're actually they've just come out with these uh but they made barbie dolls and there was this this is a standard of beauty that no one can live up to this is there's no way we can ever exist here there's no way this is crushing and then you can take like a he-man action figure and take the like most slouchy overweight guy and he'll be like I can kind of see me in that it's a little bit like me right here because there's just there's that weight it's just sitting there and there's this this push to be the the perfect mom the perfect daughter the the perfect employer the imperfect employee the perfect everything and and can I just help you out it's not going to happen it doesn't exist you're not you're not going to be perfect you're not you're not going to have it all together the ladies in in the u.s are three times more likely to attempt to commit suicide
91 Percent of women in the u.s say they're dissatisfied with their bodies uh... and and women are 10 to 19 times more likely to suffer from an eating disorder they did they did a study on uh... college students and they found that over half of the the females that were in whatever the the uh... correct weight range for their uh... body type or whatever were on diets even though they didn't really need to be adjusted like that for health reasons that need to be adjusting their diets like it was it's just crazy the amount of pressure and weight that gets put on and um... there's a there's a director over at midtown she's she helps head up their kid city area and she said that one of the things she feels this weight of um... proving that she's lovely so that she'll know that she's lovable she says she's felt that her whole life that if she could just prove that she's lovely then she'd know that she was lovable and the reason we're talking about this is that there is something in the design of femininity to be enjoyed to be captivating
But it's not it's not to be found in just a physical expression or just building these veneers around you to prove that you're okay let's go to Ephesians 5 this is a section that paul ends by saying that the true meaning of marriage is the way Jesus loves the church that the whole point behind marriage that we have now is to actually show us how Jesus loves the church and so he says this husbands love your wives just as christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her this is the church this is his bride this is his people this is all those who place faith in Jesus he might sanctify her which means set apart having cleansed her by washing of the water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory
Having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless ladies you were designed for perfection you were designed to fully live out what it meant to have your strength benefit others you were designed to fully be so comfortable and free in yourself that everyone was welcome around you everyone was free to be themselves around you and you were designed to be captivating to be loved to be delighted in and sin has wrecked that ever since eve in the garden first believed the lie that God was holding out on her that he had hidden from her what it meant to truly be made in his image ladies have believed that ever since
And Jesus stepped in in the midst of our brokenness in the midst of our sin and he went to the cross on our behalf and he has made you blameless and perfect and holy and spotless without wrinkle or blemish or any such thing it says that Jesus loved the church gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory having no spot
Or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless he actually saved the church just to present her to himself just to delight in the church in his bride that he's rescued and redeemed and only through resting in Jesus only through finding this to be true so deep and so soul level will you ever be free to know that your strength is on loan like Jesus's strength was on loan where Jesus stepped in and used his strength on behalf of others you get to step in
And realize that you've been gifted and equipped and strengthened for the benefit of those around you and you'll get to see that because Jesus has welcomed you into his home and made you into his family that you get to welcome everybody into your home make them into your family that you get to make home and family everywhere that you are for every person you're around and that you were designed to be delighted in and that through Jesus you are
You're perfectly spotless and blameless and free to be delighted in and welcomed and loved and ladies you're not perfect you're broken you're weak you're busted and that's okay because Jesus didn't leave you there he didn't leave you on your own to fix it on your own to make it all painted up and pretty and look good so that you could display it to the world but he actually stepped in and fixed
Every wrinkle spot and blemish on his own washed you through his own blood and made you his that he might delight in you you already have perfection you already have freedom you already have love and delight and joy through Jesus and only as you step into christ and only as you trust in the cross and only as you know that this is already true for you can you actually begin to be all that femininity
Was designed to be the band's gonna come back up we're gonna sing and praise Jesus and we're gonna together as a church family seek to step into masculinity and step into femininity in a way that doesn't have anything to do with stereotypes doesn't have anything to do with role doesn't have anything to do with personality types but has everything
To do with our desire to image God to the world to encourage one another to see flourishing happen and to begin to use everything we've been equipped with and gift with for the good of others for God's glory for our joy as we get to follow after him and if you haven't trusted fully in what the cross has provided for you you haven't fully seen
Jesus hanging on the cross to rescue to redeem to fix you to take away every spot and blemish and wrinkle every bit of imperfection that he might delight in you he might lift you up and it says the church in all her glory that Jesus makes the church beautiful and then delights in her
I'd encourage you to trust in Jesus today for your satisfaction your joy and ultimately your freedom God we praise you we ask Lord that you would bless the ladies in our church family that they would in the roles they're given in the time they have with their roommates in the time they have with their
Spouses with their children with their employees with their employers to give them the opportunity to use their strength to sacrifice on behalf of others to welcome everyone to make freedom and joy exist where they are and God I pray that you would
Help them to see that beauty is far beyond surface level things and that you through the cross delight in them you have cleaned them perfected them to present to yourself and all their glory is you have saved them through the cross I pray God that we would continue to grow in what it means to be men
And to be women as we follow after you in Jesus name amen
Do you even know how to sports, bro?
We all know the stereotype: the sports-loving, beer-drinking, thick-skinned man. But what about the rest of us? In a world where men are judged on whether or not they can throw a perfect spiral, what is masculinity actually about? What if being a man has little to do with how often you go hunting?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We are in week three of our Theology of Sex series. So we've been taking a look at kind of our culture and how we approach sex and how we think about sex and trying to really develop a theological basis for how we approach gender and sexuality and masculinity and femininity. And so our first week, we basically just said we were designed by God, created in the image of God, to worship God. And that human flourishing comes from our worship of God, but that we removed God from the place of creator and began to worship created things. And that since humans were made in the image of God, we're the easiest thing to swap out for God.
So we're most likely to believe that a relationship, that friendship, that another human will fill us up, make us complete, give us purpose. And that ultimately, that is where we have begun to place sexuality and romance in the place of God, and it's begun to wreak havoc on our culture. We wanted to then jump in and say, okay, here's what biblical masculinity is, and here's what biblical femininity is. Here's what God's design for women is. Here's what God's design for men is. But we couldn't because in our culture, there's even just a discussion about, is that really a thing?
Are there just women and men? Is it not on a sliding scale? Can't we just kind of choose or pick? Isn't there some form of? And so we had to just take time last week to discuss gender and to talk about the fact that God has created us male and female in his image. And there are two primary genders that are male and female, and we were designed by God to image him as male and female, and that ultimately, because we were made in the image of God, we were designed to get our worth and value from God, get our purpose from God.
And so once we'd begun to put romance and sex in the place of God, we then started using sex and romance to give us our purpose. And that's why we come alongside people. And as soon as they have a sexual urge or a romantic desire, we just come alongside of them and say, yeah, that's who you are. Because we've placed romance and sex in the place of God where we were designed to get our identity, and so we've begun to draw our identity from that. And so we spent some time looking at that last week. Today we are going to talk about masculinity, what it means to be a man.
Today, as God has designed it, if there are male and female and he intentionally designed us differently, then what does it mean to be a man? So jump to Genesis chapter 1. We're going to read something we've read several times. This is going to be Genesis chapter 1. It's on page 1. If your Bible looks like this, probably on page 1, no matter what your Bible looks like, because it's right at the beginning.
So Genesis chapter 1, go to verse 27. We're going to look at Genesis chapter 1, 27 and 28. So it says, God created man in his own image. That means mankind. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them.
So we've read this several times. It says God creating man and woman. He makes them in his image. And then it says 28. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply.
Fill the earth and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. So God makes male and female in his image. And he says, It's your job to have dominion over the earth. And he makes them separate. So that there's a way that men are designed to carry out this call.
And there's a way that women are designed to carry out this call. But the calling has been given to both. To work together. To subdue and have dominion over the earth. And so what we're going to look at this week. Is what's the specific way men are designed to carry that out.
What are the core elements or pillars to masculinity. And next week we're going to look at what are the core elements or pillars to femininity. So. This is a vital question for us. I actually have become recently more interested in this question. Of what does it take to be a man?
What makes a man a man? Because I have a 10 month old son. He is male. But he is not a man. His primary disposition at this point is he just takes. He consumes.
He doesn't bring anything to the table. He's not carrying his weight. He doesn't weigh much. But he's not carrying his weight. Like he doesn't. He's not.
He's not doing anything. The best thing he has done so far is dance. And we've posted that. That's pretty much all we've gotten out of him. He doesn't do much. But it's my job and my wife's Job to raise him to be a man.
As he's growing up to tell him. No this is. This is what men do. Boys do that. This is what men do. This is what you're designed to be by God.
And so it's helpful for us to begin to get some vocabulary here. And our culture is all over the place. So we don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. Boom you're a man. We don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. We take all the boys.
And they have to climb a mountain. And if they make it back. They get to be a man. We don't have any kind of set. I'm a man now. You can walk up to guys that are 30 in our culture.
And say hey are you a man. And that actually has become a difficult question. I mean yeah. I mean what do you think. Like I. Sure.
I guess. Probably. How are we defining it. Male. Uh huh. Like it's just become more of a.
But if you walked up to your granddad. When he was 30. And said are you a man. That's a very silly question. Of course I am. Now get out of my face weirdo.
Like. Might would even just be a little bit offended. Like we. We've lost some of our. Definition. And in that void.
We've begun to add a whole bunch of things. So. What does it take to be a man. Are we going for. For James Bond. Like you need to drive nice cars.
Dress well. Be able to choke a guy out. In the bottom of a stairwell. Like what. What does it take to be a man. Do you have to.
Do you have to be intelligent. And know economics. And be able to run a company. Be able to. To. To quote.
Old dead guys. Who are smart. Do you. Is it just. The ability to grow a beard. And punch things.
Like is that. Our definition of man. Like if you can clean a fish. And a gun. You got it. Like really.
Is it just. Can I quote Chaucer. Or. Or should. Can I just. Is it.
Does back hair suffice. Like what's the category. I just need a high testosterone level. Like is that all we're going for. Maybe if I'm just always aggressive. Can I do that.
Like is that masculinity. And so we've begun to. To kind of. Lose. Our ability. So is it just sports.
Or is it sports knowledge. Athleticism. Is it. Something altogether different. And so. This is a.
Vital question. For our culture though. Because nobody. Is arguing. With any amount of data. People may be arguing this.
But with any amount of helpful data. Nobody's arguing. That the world is better. Where men are lacking. You can't make that argument. Psychologically.
You can't make it sociologically. You can't make it economically. You can't make it spiritually. The world was designed to have men. And where men are lacking. Things crumble.
You look at the places. With the highest poverty rates. The highest crime rates. What you'll find. Is a. Very vast amount.
Of fatherlessness. You'll find a giant void. Where dads haven't been dads. And they haven't shown. Boys how to be men. And other people in gangs.
And different things. Have come along. And said. This is what it takes to be a man. And begun to fill that void. We've got major problems.
In our. In our city right here. Where we've got. High amounts. Of. Single mothers.
That's a man problem. In our state. Which is. Top in the nation. In criminal domestic violence. That's a man problem.
Across the world. The most amount of. Rape culture. And heinous crimes. And violence. Are perpetrated by boys.
From the age of 20 to 60. And we need to have. A working. Functional. Healthy definition. Of what it takes to be a man.
So that we. Together as a church. Can begin to spot it. Can begin to encourage it. Can begin to point it out. Can walk up next to someone.
And say. Yes. That's man stuff right there. Keep doing that. That's great. And you can look at other people.
And say. That's boy stuff. Do what this guy was doing. Like we. We need to begin to have a language. So that we can raise sons.
To be men. So that we can grow together. As brothers in Christ. And be men. And. So.
Quick caveat. Before we hop in. Wives. If you're a wife in the room. And your husband is here. If you're a wife in the room.
And your husband is not here. Let me say this. Where the ideal. Is lacking. If you're. A single mother.
If you. Have a husband. But he has. Rejected this call. Where the ideal is lacking. Grace abounds.
So God has designed it. To be a certain way. But where the ideal is lacking. He steps in. He works on our behalf. And grace.
Abounds. So don't. Don't hear me say you are wrong. But you. Along with everybody else. Want men to be men.
So let's encourage that. Wives that are here. If your husband is here. A few quick things for you. Or if your husband's not here. A few quick things for you.
Listen. So that you can begin to spot this. And encourage it in your husband. Encourage it. Not angrily demand it. To spot it.
And encourage it. To be able to say. That's it. That's. That's. That's wonderful.
That's what you should be doing. You can begin to. Graciously expect it. Don't. Try to be the Holy Spirit. If we talk about something.
That your husband's not very good at. Just eyes up here. The Hulk just lock in. Don't do this. It's not going to help. Don't do this.
The subtle elbow thing. Don't. Don't do that. It's not going to help. It's. It's.
It's not productive. So just. Eyes up here. You stay focused. Let. Let the Holy Spirit do his job.
Single. Women. If you are. You're not. You don't have to get married. You don't.
That's not God's design for everybody. Perfectly fine and full way. To. To love Jesus and not be married. If you are dating and desire to be married. One of our goals.
Whenever we talk about masculinity. Is that some relationships. Would just fall all apart. The best way for some single females in this room. Is to. To leave here.
And break up with your boyfriend. That's the best way. For you to apply this sermon. To. To begin to expect. The person you're dating.
To actually be a man. And to not put up with childishness. And. And extended boyhood. Because it's not cute. Dating a boy who can shave.
Is not a good idea. Okay. Cool. Go break up with your boyfriend. Follow Jesus. He's better.
All right. I'm going to. I'm going to pray. And then we're going to hop in. And start reading some stuff from Genesis 2. Okay.
God. God. I pray that by your grace. Our. Church. Would be home to men.
Our church would be a place. Where the biologically male. Can by your grace. Be men. That we can. Challenge other men.
To be men. And to follow after you. And that we can get rid of some of the unhelpful stereotypes. And begin to actually place. Our understanding of masculinity. Firmly in what you say it is.
We love you. In Jesus name. Amen. All right. So the good news is.
God gives us some helpful. Handles on what masculinity is. So we're going to be in Genesis chapter 2. Now. We just read in Genesis 1. God makes male and female.
We're now going back. We're going ahead in the story to Genesis 2. But it's actually. Further back in time. This is. Retelling the story in a more colorful way.
This is prior to the existence of Eve. So we're going to start in verse 5. It'll be on page 2. If you're in this Bible. Probably somewhere close. In any other Bible.
Verse 5. Verse 6. When no bush of the field. Was yet in the land. And no small plant of the field. Had yet sprung up.
For the Lord God. Had not caused it to rain on the land. And there was no man. To work the ground. And a mist was going up from the land. It was watering the whole face of the ground.
Then the Lord God. Formed the man. Of dust. From the ground. And breathed into his nostrils. The breath of life.
And the man. Became a living creature. And the Lord God. Planted a garden. In Eden. In the east.
And there he put the man. Whom he had formed. And out of the ground. The Lord God. Made to spring up. Every tree that is pleasant.
To the sight. And good for food. And the tree of life. Was in the midst of the garden. And the tree of knowledge. Of good and evil.
And a river flowed out of Eden. To water the garden. And there it divided. And became four rivers. The name of the first. Is the Pishon.
It is the one that flowed. Around the whole land. To Havilah. Where there is gold. And the gold of that land. Is good.
Bedellum. And onyx stone. Are there. The name of the second river. Is the Gihon. It is the one.
That flowed around. The whole land of Cush. And the name of the third river. Is the Tigris. Which flows east of the Syria. And the fourth river.
Is the Euphrates. Okay. We just learned a lot about rivers. Push that out of your brain. We are not going to talk anything about that. The Lord God.
Took the man. And put him in the garden of Eden. To work it. And keep it. And the Lord God. Commanded the man.
Saying. For you shall surely eat. Of every tree of the garden. But of the tree of the knowledge. Of good and evil. You shall not eat.
For in the day that you eat. Of it. You shall surely die. Okay. God makes a man. Puts him in a garden.
He makes a garden. Puts the man in the garden. So the whole world is kind of. Rugged. Unkempt. He makes a garden.
Plants a garden. And then he puts the man in the garden. And he says he's got a job. He's to work it. And keep it. This is prior to sin.
This is prior to Eve. The man's designed to have a job. Single. Single men in the room. Masculinity does not wait. For you to get married.
And have children. Some of you are not called to be married and have children. You're going to be like Paul and Jesus. Who were perfectly masculine. And were not married and did not have kids. So don't feel like.
Oh cool. I get to be a boy until I have a wife who makes me be a man. That's nonsense. He gave him a job before the existence of Eve. So. He tells him to work it and keep it.
And from there we're going to look at everything we talk about today. So. Work and keep. We're going to take work and break it into two helpful ways to distinguish it. And then we're going to talk about keep it. The words we're going to use are cultivate.
Provide. And protect. Cultivate. Provide. And protect. That's what he means by work and keep.
That he had a job. He was to work and keep. He was to cultivate. To provide. And to protect. So.
Cultivate. God takes Adam. He puts him in this garden. And he says. Work it. Cultivate this.
Help it grow. And as he later talks to Adam and Eve. He says. Make the rest of the world look like this. There is a call in masculinity. To cultivation.
To development. To making things better. It's deep in us. It's the idea of being a craftsman. So that whether that's.
It's taking raw materials and turning it into something. So a chef. Takes raw ingredients. And turns it into something. Cook boss. He makes the prettiest cakes.
And that is distinctly masculine. Is how he takes raw materials. And turns them into. Like. I saw like this triple layer cake. With like a cherry tree on top.
And you could eat the whole thing. It was amazing. Art. Design. Web design. Landscaping.
Hardscaping. The ability to. To farm. And to build. And to take something. Raw materials.
And turn it into something. Is what we're called to do. Deep. Deep. It's one of the pillars of manhood. And we're supposed to do it.
Everywhere. We are designed. To cultivate. Which really just basically means. We leave it better. As men.
We leave it better. When you go to work. Your job. Is not to just do whatever you can. To skate by. And get a paycheck.
You are there. To cultivate. You are there. To make it better. To make your job better. For having had you work there.
If you live in a house. If you rent an apartment. That place should be better. For you having lived there. It shouldn't slowly decay. Under your care.
It should be. Cleaner. And nicer. And more taken care of. Because you were designed. To cultivate.
If you have relationships. You're designed. To cultivate. To help people grow. To develop them. To take something.
And nurture it. And give it health. And life. So. Husbands. Your wife.
You're supposed to cultivate her. She should flourish. Under your headship. And under your leadership. And under your care. That you would go out of your way.
To help bring out. What is best in her. If you have roommates. And you're going to live with them. For a year. Or two years.
Or three years. You should be. Building into them. They should be better off. For having lived with you. They should look back.
On that time. And say. It was. It was good. And formative. And God's grace.
Towards me. That I lived with you. With this man. Because he. Cultivated me. They might not use that word.
Because that would be weird. Built into me. Challenged me. It's the way. It's the way we're designed to work. This is why guys can do.
Any little bit of a sport. And then go buy. Two hundred dollars worth of equipment. Because you're like. Wouldn't it be better if we had this? Oh this would be way better if we had that.
This is why you. You can't. You play a game. And you immediately go. Oh. I wish this game had this thing.
Because we're designed. To try to make things better. To try to cultivate. To try to bring out life. One of the people I have seen do this the best in my life was my dad. At all points he was working to make everything around him better.
He didn't sit still much. He can walk into. You can walk around with him. If you go stay in a hotel. If you go to a theme park. And after he's been there a couple of hours.
You can say. Okay. What could they do to make this better? And immediately. That's all he's been thinking about. Well they could do this.
If they'd have done 30 minutes more worth of work there. That would look twice as good. Like he. He does that. It drives my wife crazy. But Phillips is.
Change the rules to board games. We'll play a game once. And go. Okay. Next time. These are the new rules.
My wife's like. Why would you change the rules? Because it'll make the game better. That rule was dumb. We have whole sides of dice. That don't even mean anything.
It's like. No. If you roll that. You just do this. We're not doing that anymore. Throw those cards away.
That's not part of the game. Like we just. One of the ways my dad did this in us. Was he was always moving us towards manhood. So you were like five.
And my mom maybe cooked something you didn't like. And you were like. I don't. I'm not going to eat it. It's just. It's not going to happen.
I just. I just hate it. And my dad would look at you. And go. Hey. Boy.
Look at me. You going to grow up to be a man? Yes sir. The answer to that was always yes. You weren't like. I don't know what I'm thinking about.
And my dad asked you that. I said yes sir. He said okay. What if I came home. And your mom cooked something. That I didn't like.
And I walked over and said. I'm not going to eat it. And immediately. This was the most grotesque thing. You could ever see. Because my dad.
Throwing a fit. It's just ugly. You shouldn't see grown men. Throw whiny fits. So you're five.
And you were like. No. You should never do that. And he's like. Right. Come on.
And it was like. Okay. But he would help you see. Something that was happening. When you were five. That was going to.
Like you. You'd be afraid of something. Hyperventilating. Freaking out. I can't ride. I just can't get on this ride.
I can't get on this roller coaster. And he would look at you. And go. Hey. Look at me. You're seven years old.
Look at me. You want to have a wife and kids someday? That's a really heavy question. For a seven year old. Answer. Yes sir.
Like you just. You go. All right. Let me ask you a question. You're asleep. Sound asleep.
You hear a crash. Someone broke into your house. Are you going to go. Or are you going to do what you got to do? It's like. I did not know roller coasters had anything to do.
With burglaries. He's like. Hey. Get control of yourself. Let's go.
And it was like. Okay. I can ride a roller coaster. Because I don't want my kids to die. But here's what my dad was doing.
And sometimes he over applied that. And it got really intense and crazy over things that probably shouldn't have been. But what he was doing is. When you plant. Like if you plant a tomato plant. You go ahead and put that like weird green thing.
The cage around it. Why? Because it's going to grow. You have. You already have a plan for what it's going to do. You know what the goal is.
You're going to get tomatoes off this thing. My dad was looking at us when we were five. And saying. Your goal isn't to be a five-year-old. Your goal is to be a man. And I'm going to cultivate you.
To do that. And as men. That's our job. With everything. Under our care. We leave it better.
Something deep inside of you. Is calling you. To work. To cultivate. To cultivate. And the question isn't.
Are you cultivating? The question is. What are you cultivating? Because something is getting your energy. Something is getting your time. You are waking up and doing something.
Are you cultivating death? Are you cultivating laziness? Are you cultivating harm for others? Are you actually working towards something that's valuable and good and will last? So God took Adam.
He placed him in the garden. And told him to work. Half of that's cultivate. The other half is provide. So men are designed to cultivate.
They're designed to develop. To build. To be craftsmen. And designed to provide. And provision just means this. It's a couple of really simple things.
Off the bat. Have a job. You're supposed to work. Men are supposed to go to bed tired. You're supposed to. God designed it that we would work six days and rest one.
So if you want to say one day a week you can go to bed feeling rested. Go for it. Six days out of the week you need to go to bed tired. You should have a sore back. Some sore feet. Your brain should ache.
You should have been at work. If you're at school. Go to school. Work. Work at school. Get another Job.
Cultivate your friends. Don't think I only got two hours of stuff to do today. And I don't have to do anything on Tuesdays and Thursdays. No you're designed to work. To provide. It means you have a job.
It means if you have a job. Have a budget. To plan ahead. So the provision. When God put him there and said. Make this flourish.
Make this grow. He was to design everything so that it could flourish. So he was supposed to have systems for economics. He was supposed to have systems for when they harvest. When they don't harvest. He was supposed to have systems and design and plans.
For how this works. My wife grew up in Johnston. The peach capital of the world. So take that Georgia. Just because you called the name. Doesn't count.
When I'm riding down to go see. We go visit her dad or something. You're riding and there's like trees and stuff. And it's just woods. And then all of a sudden you'll. You just open up and there's just rows.
Of peaches. Peach trees. They're organized. Do you know why? Because they had a plan. They were designing this.
They were figuring out a way for it to best provide. There's never like peaches. And then cotton underneath. And a few rows of corns going this way. Like it doesn't make any sense. Like we're supposed to figure out and set up systems and provide.
And make ways for things to grow and develop and be healthy. So I just. Girls if you're dating a guy. And he has a budget. That's awesome. You should be excited.
If he's like. I can't do that right now. Budget's kind of tight. You should be like. Wait. You got a spreadsheet?
He'd be like. Yeah. And you'd be like. That's man stuff right there. This means that we as men are designed to do the hard work so that others can benefit. We're designed to do hard work so that others can benefit.
It also means that we go last. Your goal isn't to get the best parking spot if you can walk. You walk. Let other people have the good parking spot. If you're hanging out with your community group and y'all are throwing a party. That means you're going to show up and help provide some of the food.
You're going to show up and help provide some of what's there. And you're going to stay late and help clean up. It means if you and your family just had a baby. You're taking the worst shift at night. You're going to find a way for your wife to sleep. You've got work to do.
You're going to be the one who's tired. You're going to make sure everyone else has what they need first. If you have a roommate and y'all are both hungry. And there's only one Totino's pizza left. Your roommate gets it. And you figure out something else.
Or you go hungry. Because that's man stuff. We go last. We make sure everyone else around us has what they need. We provide what is necessary. We do the hard work so that other people can have this.
This means that we save money for the benefit of others. Some guys it means that you need to take on a roommate. Even though you don't need one. Because maybe they need one. And you'd have the opportunity to cultivate. To pour into them.
To help develop them. Doesn't mean. That your wife can't make more money than you. It just means it's not her job to. She's not the one who's tasked with providing for your family. Recently in my community group.
There was a guy named Jack. Who became a Christian last year. It was really an encouraging thing. As he began to follow Jesus. And his wife got sick. And they just had a baby.
And so they decided it was best for her to not be working. Because of some of the sickness. And some of them having a kid. And so you know what he did? He took on another Job. He gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning.
He goes to work at 6. He works till 2. When he gets off at 2. He goes to his other Job. He works till 9 or 10. When he's not at work.
He's helping watch the kid. He doesn't get to hang out with our group as much. Because he's always at work. And that's beautiful. We try to find ways to get around him. We try to find ways to hang out with him.
But that's what he's designed to do. Is to provide. To work. One of the primary things that distinguishes a boy from a man. Is that a boy's primary way they relate to the world. Is they take.
But men give. If you are dating guys. If you are dating men. Not if you're dating men. Men if you're dating. Stay focused.
You're either going to leave. The woman you are dating. Better. Or worse. For having dated you. You are either going to provide.
For her to flourish. You're either going to help cultivate her. Or you are going to take from her. And if your goal in dating someone. Is to. To see them naked.
To get to have sex with them. To get to. Partake from them. To get to. They exist for your benefit. That's boy stuff.
That's not what men do. You're designed. To cultivate. To protect. To provide. And to make everything around you better.
This also means. That you can't just be. Provision isn't just. Well I make sure that the bills are paid. And I make sure there's food on the table. If your wife is physically fed.
But spiritually famished. You're not providing. You're not setting up the systems. You were designed to set up. If you have a daughter. Who drives a Mercedes.
But doesn't know you. And you never pursue her. I can tell you one thing. We could line up. All the girls at the University of South Carolina. And we could say.
See some whose dad worked two and three jobs. And scraped by. To buy a beater car off a Craigslist. But pursued their daughters. Loved their daughters. Talked to their daughters.
And we could have some that. Their dad gave them everything they ever wanted. Except for him. And I'll tell you what. The ones with the beater cars. Wouldn't trade their dad in for a Mercedes.
And the ones with the Mercedes. Would trade it every time. You're designed to set up. A system to provide. And to cultivate. Those around you.
I heard one pastor put it this way. I thought it was helpful. This is specifically for guys who are married and have kids. When you go to work. That's first shift. When you come home from work.
You are not off work. You are starting second shift. Second shift is where you save your wife from your children. And on some days. Your children from your wife. But it's your job to be around your kids.
To roll around on the floor. To assault them in a healthy way. When your kids go to sleep at eight, nine o'clock. You're not off work. Third shift just started. It's time for you to talk to your wife.
It's time for you to pursue her. It's time for you to discuss with her. It's time for you. And you say okay. And then what happens? Well you probably go to sleep.
Because you're exhausted. What about me time? Wake up at four in the morning. That's me time. Or you don't get any. That's how that works.
You were designed to work. And to go to bed tired. Okay. Got to move on. Protect. So he says work it and keep it.
Work it. We talked about in cultivate and provide. Keep it. He means to defend it. The word there is like to be a shield. To protect what you have.
We as men are designed to protect. And universally this one is understood as manly. As what men are supposed to do. We don't have much push back on the idea of protection. In 2012 at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. At a midnight showing of the dark night.
A man walked in in a trench coat. Wearing a flak jacket. Threw out some gas canisters. Smoke canisters. And began to take an assault rifle and fire into the crowd. In that showing were two young men with their girlfriends.
Who pushed their girlfriends to the ground. And laid their bodies on top of them. Bullets ripped through their bodies and into their girlfriends. Their girlfriends were wounded. And both of those young men died. Worldwide they were heralded as heroes.
Because we understand that's what's supposed to happen. Men are supposed to take the fall so that others can go free. They're supposed to stick their necks out on behalf of others. That same year there was a, in Europe off the coast of Italy, there was a boat that sank. And there were reports that men were pushing women and children out of the way to get to the life rafts first. Universally, that was called heinous cowardice.
Because we know deep inside of us that men are designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Men are designed to take punishment on behalf of others. There's a seminary professor and I heard this story. He teaches his sons. He's got some sons. And he teaches them that boys take the fall so the girl can go free.
Boys take the fall so the girl can go free. And he teaches them this all the time. And he was in his office and he was watching his son riding a wagon down a hill. Hill. Watching him ride a wagon down a hill. And just completely out of control.
And so at this point there's nothing he can do but watch. He's just like, okay, let's see how badly this goes for him. And so the kid's just losing it, careening down this hill. And as he's getting towards the bottom, a girl about two years younger than his son, his son was younger at the time, comes riding out on a tricycle. And so he's like, okay, this just got worse. And he's watching his son.
His son starts rocking the cart back and forth as best he can. And just tips the whole thing over. And just makes it ten times worse. Just goes barreling down this hill. I mean, smacking his body, rolling. And his dad jumps up and immediately runs outside.
Knows that this is one of those, like, are we going to the hospital type moments. Runs up to his son. His son's bleeding and crying. He looks at him and goes, I did it, Dad. The boy takes the fall. The girl goes free.
And 100,000 times yes. That is what men are designed to do. We're designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Real practically. Periodically. This means periodically we'll hear noises at my house.
And the other night I heard a loud noise and I rolled over and tapped my wife. And I said, hey, you know how I'm really progressive and I don't try to hold you back. She said, yeah, boo. She's real sweet when I wake up at night. And I said, do you hear that noise? And she said, yeah, it's your turn.
Go defend the baby. No, that doesn't happen. I don't care if your wife is an army ranger with a black belt. You hear a noise, that's your job. Cover me. I got it.
I work IT. Somebody's going down. Like, I mean, that's just how it works. It's your job. Men are designed by God to protect. Now, this doesn't have anything to do with stature.
This doesn't have anything to do with testosterone levels. This doesn't have anything to do with what kind of Job you work. None of those do. We're designed to cultivate. We're designed to provide. And we're designed to protect.
We leave it better. We do the hard work so that others can benefit. And we go last. And we take the fall so others can go free. That's what masculinity is. That's what we're designed to do.
That's what God put Adam there to do. And then chapter 3 happens of Genesis. And in chapter 3, I'm just going to tell you this story and we'll look at a few verses. Chapter 3. It says, it tells us the story of a snake comes up. So Eve's there at this point.
A snake comes up and starts talking to Eve. Now, let's go ahead and give them a little bit of credit. Because first of all, you're like, snake talks to me. Situation is over. This was before sin. So they hadn't been tricked before.
They hadn't been harmed before. So, of course, snake talks to you. Right. You're getting out of there. But let's just give them some benefit of the doubt.
They didn't realize how really messed up the situation had just gotten. Snake talks to Eve and begins to lie to her about what God said. And tricks her into the verse we read earlier where God says, don't eat of this tree. Tricks her and deceives her into eating of the tree. And then the Bible says something absolutely crazy. Flip to Genesis chapter 3.
I want us to look at verse 6. Verse 6. This whole story is playing out of this conversation between Eve and the snake. And verse 6 says, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. That's the first time he shows up in the story. He was there the whole time.
He absolutely abdicated what he was supposed to do. He absolutely backed out of his call to cultivate her, his call to provide for her, and mostly to protect her. He was just there. Then it says that this was sin, and this is what immediately caused a rift between them and between God. And then God shows up in the garden, and he calls for Adam. He's not looking for Eve.
He's looking for Adam. And then Adam, as God begins to question him about this situation, Adam says this in verse 12. The man said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate. That's his response. It was the woman that you gave me. I think we can clearly see I had nothing to do with this.
And we immediately, in chapters 3, see three of the biggest issues when it comes to us living out biblical masculinity, our apathy, sinful aggression, and blame. Apathy. He was there, but he just didn't do anything. We were hanging out with our community group the other day, and my son, who's walking and tearing everything up all the time, was over in somebody else's house tearing stuff up. And so my wife got up and went and picked him up and took care of him, and then she walked over and handed him to her husband, who was with her. And that was the first time I showed up in that story.
Because of apathy. I just didn't want to get up. Because this is at work in me, and it's at work in all of us. And then sinful aggression. When Adam should have been aggressive towards the snake, he takes out his aggression by blaming others. It was her fault.
The one time he actually shows a little bit of some of the aggression God gave him that he should have used in a helpful way. It's only an aggression at those around him, not to help them, but to harm him. So the two major sin issues that we'll see in masculinity is apathy, where men just abdicate the role they were given, or when they wrongfully use their aggression and their size to domineer over others. And the third one is blame. It's not my fault. It was the woman's fault.
I mean, it's not me. It's my boss. It's not me. It's these daggum kids I got. If I'd have just had a different father, if I could have just gone to school, if I'd have just had that kind of Job, man, if I'd had that kind of money growing up, it's not my fault. The one that's the most bizarre to me but gets used so often is we blame our apathy.
Man, I don't know. I'm just apathetic. I would have done that, but, you know, I just, I don't know. I just don't, I don't feel like it. I don't have the energy. Like, that's a valid excuse.
And here's what I know about Adam. Here's what I know about us. You swap out any man in this room for Adam, this story plays out. At some point, we all get kicked out of the garden. At some point, we all abdicate our role. At some point, we fail to cultivate, provide, and protect.
None of us stay in the garden. Romans 5. Thankfully to God, that's the first bit of the book, and it keeps going. Romans chapter 5 is going to be on page 612. We're going to start with verse 12. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, who'd sin come through?
Adam. Who ate the fruit first? Eve. Who gave it to Adam? Eve. Who talked to the snake?
Eve. Who'd sin come through? Adam. Because of his apathy. Because of his failure to do what God had designed him to do. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.
This sin of Adam has spread to all of us and ultimately leads to death, but is working death in us all of the days of our lives. For sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was of type of the one who was to come. Okay, so Adam prefigured someone else who was going to come. He was a type of someone else to come. But the free gift is not like the trespass.
For if many died through one man's trespass, so Adam brings death to everybody, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for many. And the free gift is not like the result of the one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass, which is sin, brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. It means he made us right. For if because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.
Jesus perfectly fulfilled masculinity on our behalf. He was the better Adam. Where Adam apathetically stood by and didn't help, Jesus steps into a situation that was not his to fix, but only he could fix, and he steps in to make everything better. Jesus perfectly, where Adam was passive when he should have been aggressive and aggressive when he should have been humble and passive, Jesus was the opposite. Perfectly walking aggression and gentleness out, perfectly loving and pursuing and fighting against the real enemy, sin and death. And where Adam failed to protect, where Adam at the end pointed at his wife and said, it's her fault, put her head on the chopping block.
She should be the one to blame. Jesus stepped in and said, it's their fault. It's Adam's fault. It's your fault. Put my head on the chopping block. I'll be the one to blame.
Jesus is the ultimate man who took the fall so that we could go free and perfectly fulfilled masculinity for us and perfectly walked it out and showed us what it looks like to cultivate, to provide, and to protect. He did everything on the cross that Adam failed to do. He did everything on the cross that we failed to do. And our options as men, you're either in Adam, either have death at work in you, or you're in Christ, where you have life at work in you through Jesus' work on your behalf. You either have Adam's work on your behalf and your work joined in with him, or you have Jesus' work on your behalf that overcomes all the terrible work we've ever done.
And through Jesus, we can actually be men. Not to say that Christians can't be masculine. Not to say that men who don't know Jesus can't fulfill some of these things. But it'll never be complete. It'll never be fulfilled. And we'll be consistently looking for something to make sure that we have value.
Consistently looking for something to make sure that... I'm a real man because I can pick stuff up and put it down. I'm a real man because I got a good job that makes money. I'm a real man because I know how to shoot a deer. I'm a real man because I don't care about all those stereotypes. And I'm secure in my own mask.
Like, whatever. We'll begin to use that to put others down and to raise us up. Just like Adam looked at Eve and said, put her down, raise me up. She's the problem. As long as you see her as the issue, I get to be okay. And Jesus does the opposite where he takes the blame on our behalf, where he takes the fall so we can go free.
And in Christ, we can actually be made into real men. So by God's grace, this is what we're pursuing here. To be men who know that Jesus is the real man. Jesus is the one who works life in us, who paid for our sin and our debt and makes us actually able to be men. And then as we follow Jesus and as we fail, we trust in Jesus. But as we follow Jesus, we work to cultivate and to provide and to protect.
And we work to call men to be men here. And by God's grace, we will work and fight and go out exhausted. We'll go to sleep tired and then one day, we'll close our eyes and take our last breath, absolutely worn out, strung out, exhausted from living our life for the sake of others. Pouring ourselves out for the benefit of others, working hard, going out with our boots on because we've been at work. And we've been protecting and providing and cultivating just as God called us to. And everywhere we failed, we just leaned into Jesus who perfectly did it on our behalf.
That's our desire here. To have men, to train men, to turn boys into men, to take our sons and make them men and to follow Jesus the whole time. The band's going to come back up and play and we're going to sing. Men, where we've been failing at this, where we've been apathetic, where we've been blaming others, where we've been wrongfully exerting aggression on those around us to control our situation and make ourselves look better, we need to repent. We need to repent to those that we've harmed. Single men, you need to realize that while married men have a clear and direct example of those that they are harming through their apathy because their wife or their children walk around with them on a regular basis.
Just because you are single and the people that you are harming through your apathy don't follow you around, you're still called to cultivate. You're still called to make those around you better. You're still called to be active in what it means to be a man. And all of us are called to repent and to point to Jesus because when Adam looked around in the garden and said, someone has to take the blame for this, he just knew that he couldn't handle the weight of his own failure and he looked around and said, someone takes the blame and thousands of years later Jesus stepped forward. When Adam looked at God and said, it's your fault, Jesus in Christ says, yes, I'll take that.
I'll take the blame even though I don't deserve it and he stepped up and took the blame for us and so when we fail, we get to look at Jesus who's already taken the blame on our behalf, who's already taken the weight on our behalf and we get to repent, confess and know that Jesus ultimately handled it and we get to follow him and what real masculinity looks like. God, we pray that by your grace, males would be men, that we would love and serve and protect those around us, that we would humbly sacrifice and lead. God, we pray that we would cultivate, that everything around us would be better because we were there, because you were at work in us. God, we pray that we would put others first, that we would put ourselves last, that we would do hard work for the benefit of others.
God, we pray that you would help us to take the fall so others can go free and to stick our necks out for the sake of others. That you would work in us to perfectly cultivate, provide and protect. And God, I pray that we would follow after you, leaning into you and our failures and that the men in this room who have lived their life in Adam would place their faith in Jesus to be set free from all their failures because you took the blame for us, to be made new and that we might follow you as men. I pray that the women in our church family would encourage men to be men, would point it out, would welcome it.
I pray that the ladies in this room that are dating guys would not put up with boys that can shave but would follow after the true man, Jesus, until he brings along a man following after him. God, we ask for your grace and your work on our behalf. Pray that men will repent and follow you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Gender, Bigfoot, and Leprechauns
The idea that gender is a made-up social construct is gaining widespread acceptance. But is that the most helpful conclusion? Does the idea of gender need be thrown out and left behind, or just seen with new lenses?
Transcript
Well, good morning. My name's Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. Grab a Bible and flip to Matthew chapter 19. That's where we'll be starting today. It's going to be on page 534.
If your Bible is one of the blue and white ones on the road. If you don't own a Bible, steal the one you're holding. Grab one of these and take it with you. We'll give you permission to steal. We'll absolve you of that. It's our gift to you.
We want you to have a Bible. If you are part of our church family and you've already taken five of those, just leave the one you're using here. Okay, so anyway, we're in our second week of our Theology of Sex series. We're just trying to have a better, more robust view of gender and sexuality, of masculinity and femininity. And so we're just taking some time to actually see what the Bible says about all these things because they're major cultural issues for us. So today we're going to pick up and start talking about gender specifically.
Let me recap for us what we talked about last week. So as we started this last week, what we said was that humans were created in the image of God. That God created everything and then he kind of pauses and then creates humanity in his image to mirror him, to show all of the rest of creation what he's like. Like a little bit of a self-portrait. Like humanity exists in relation to God and is designed to image him to the world. Therefore, all humans have dignity and value and work and purpose just by the nature of our creation, the nature of our design.
The problem is, our fundamental problem on earth is that we who are designed to worship God and exist in a relationship with him have swapped him out for other things. And what we talked mostly last week was that humans, because we are made in the image of God, are the easiest created things to put in the place of God because we hold the most promise. It's easier to believe that another person will fill you up, will give you satisfaction, will bring you fulfillment. It's easier to believe that romance and relationship and love and sex can fit in that and fill that void than it is for us to believe money can go there or success.
I mean we chase after all these other things, but the easiest one, because we were made in the image of God, the easiest thing to replace him with is each other and ourselves. And that this pour the fabric of creation and ultimately leads to destruction, pain, because we were designed to exist in a relationship with him. Am I cutting in and out? Okay, so do I need to cut this off and just talk really loudly? Alright, this is going to get on my... Okay, we're going to try to fix that, I think.
So I will try to talk loudly and rapidly so that I will not cut in and out. I will just talk like this the rest of the time, so be paying attention and make sure you stay focused because this is how we're going to go. Now we're in Matthew chapter 19. So here's what we're doing. We're going to have to cover a lot of ground today as we walk through this because we've got a lot of things to say for us to even be able to have the discussion we need to have. So we're in Matthew chapter 19.
We looked at last week at how we've swapped God out for other things. We were created to worship him, to find our joy and fulfillment in him. And that ultimately Jesus came to swap places back with us. Where we had swapped ourselves out for God. Jesus, who is God, swapped himself out for us. Where when we made the exchange, we got death and sin and pain and destruction.
Jesus made the exchange on our behalf and took our death and sin and pain and destruction so that we could be welcomed back in. And that's the foundation of everything else we say. We have to understand that God pursues us, created us, and loves us enough to go to the cross. Matthew chapter 19 verse 3 is where we're going to pick up. It says, And the Pharisees came to him, him as Jesus, and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? Okay, so the Pharisees were a group of religious leaders.
And they asked Jesus a bunch of questions on a consistent basis because they're trying to trip him up, trap him, prove that he's wrong, show that he's ignorant, get people to quit following him. And they were well educated, knew the Bible really well, and so they're asking him this question to kind of trick him. They're going to have a discussion about divorce, but Jesus is going to say some very helpful things to us as we look at gender today. The Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read? Which is just a great way to answer Pharisees because they would have memorized the Old Testament.
So I think he does that just to bother them, which just makes me like Jesus a little more. But that may be some of my own sinfulness. But he's like, oh, I thought y'all don't read? Okay, I'll catch you up since you don't know. Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So Jesus reiterates and reaffirms what we saw last week where it says God created male and female in his image. Jesus says there is from the beginning male and female. That there is a gender binary. That you are male or female.
So they said to him, why then, this is verse 7, did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. So he's answering their divorce question.
We're going to keep moving because we're not talking about that today. We're looking at gender specifically, what he says about that. So the disciples said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. So the disciples jump in this conversation and they're like, wait, you've got to stay married forever? Probably should just not get married then. So just so you all know, their culture was a little closer to ours than we think.
So his basic response in the context is, eunuchs were people who were physically unable to have sex. They were physically unable to not have the sexual organs capable of having sex. So he says there are several types of eunuchs. We would refer to this as intersex now. Those who have been born this way. Those who have been made this way by men.
They would have captured men and castrated them to let them guard female chambers at this time. Those who have been made so by men. Or those who have chosen to be so. So they didn't physically do this to themselves, but chose to be so for the sake of the kingdom. So his basic answer in the context is, if you can't handle marriage or don't want to get married, you can be celibate for any number of reasons.
You can live your life without ever having sex for any number of reasons. But what's helpful for us is that in this conversation, Jesus, who is God on earth, confirms God at the beginning made them male and female. And he addresses there are some who are born without male or female reproductive organs. There are some who are born where it's not clear what they are, male or female. And those individuals would be intersex. And one of the arguments that's made against gender today in our culture is that because some people, so it's a small percentage of the population, it is very rare, because some people are born intersex, then gender must be fluid.
It must be on a sliding scale. And here Jesus gives us actually a helpful response to that, which is, no, there are two genders, male and female, and there are some born this way. And we take exception for those, and we care for them, we love them, and they are individuals that we know and care about. But it's an exception that proves the rule. It's not one that breaks the rule. Now, if everyone is thoroughly uncomfortable, we're going to talk about gender today.
Before we get into all of that, I've got a few things just to lay the groundwork for us and to kind of address some different people in the room so that we know where we stand. If you're in the room today and you identify as gay, if you identify as bisexual or transgender or bigender or any number of the current ways to identify yourself, I just want to say you are welcome here. We are glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. You are welcome to be a part of our church. You are welcome to be involved here.
We are not against you. You're not an issue to us. You are a person loved by God, and you are welcome here. To our more conservative friends in the room, any amount of pride and superiority that you hold when it comes to the issue of gender, any amount of today that you just feel like some of the things we're talking about are just unhelpful, we shouldn't even have to talk about them. I just want to encourage you to remember that the gospel eliminates pride and superiority, that the standard by which we are judged is Jesus and his holiness, not any other thing gets to be brought into the discussion as to what makes us special or good or okay.
And just a life tip, as a Christian who wants to be a missionary to our culture, you can't be a missionary and be dismissive, and saying things like God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, or I wish I was transgender and then I could go into ladies' locker rooms, are not helpful at all. So I would ask you to listen today with a bit of humility and grace as we walk through this, and hopefully grow in our understanding of how God cares for and loves all of us, even in the midst of some of this gender discussion. For our more liberal friends here today, I just would encourage you to hold on to some of that same humility and grace as some of the things we talk about today may seem asinine or barbaric or completely ignorant as we try to unpack what scripture says, that you would just approach it with the same humility and grace we just asked of our conservative friends, and that really you would just try to, as we try to gracefully say, here's what the Bible says, not a whole lot of rhetoric, not a whole lot of shouting, not a whole lot of personal arguments, but here's what scripture says how we ought to approach this, if you would just try to hear and consider the other side of what our culture is saying. Now, I feel a little bit trapped as we get started, because there's no way that I can say everything correctly.
Terms have changed very quickly, and people in the room are going to be all over the place with, biology determines everything, if this is how you were born, then go with it, or it doesn't matter how you were born, it's how you feel, or all of gender is fluid, and so as I go through, if I say something offensive, our goal is to not be offensive for the sake of being offensive. We have said that some of this series might be offensive, and that's just as we unpack the Bible, it offends us. As we talk about what scripture says, it doesn't always agree with our culture. But we're not trying to be offensive for the sake of some pop and zing, so if I say something offensive, just give me some grace.
I'm not trying to be other than, hopefully, all of us will be a little bit offended by Jesus and by the cross. I'm going to pray, and then we're going to hop in. God, I pray that in the midst of this, you would give us all some humility, all some grace as we approach you. You'd help us to grow today. You'd help us to grow in our love for each other and our love for you, and ultimately our love and our understanding of the cross and what that provides for us. In Jesus' name, amen.
Facebook has started offering three options when it comes to gender. So there's male, female, and custom. If you start typing into the custom box, there are 56 other options that it will autofill, or you can write whatever you want. Some of the other options, I'm going to read a few of them, are agender. This is people who don't identify as any gender. Bigender, this is someone who identifies as male and female at different times.
Pangender, this is someone who identifies as a third gender with some combination of male and female aspects. And there's 53 other ones. This is taught at the University of South Carolina like this, that gender is on a sliding scale. The poster person for this lately has been Bruce, now Caitlyn Jenner, who publicly announced that he was a female in a male's body and went through gender reassignment surgery last year. Won the Arthur Ashe Courage Award from the ESPYs. Won Woman of the Year.
And that was even some of what helped us know this was really helpful for us to discuss because when he won Woman of the Year, our culture really didn't know how to react. It was a little bit of like, is this good for women? Is this, how does this work? Should we be excited? We should celebrate? Like there was just a little bit of confusion.
But this is kind of how we've begun to approach gender. That it's on a sliding scale. There's not really two set ones. And I think before we even get into this conversation, one of the questions that comes up is, why does it matter? Like why does God care? If I'm not hurting anybody, if I'm just doing my own thing, if people are just minding their own business, like why does he care?
Why is he stepping in? Why does it even matter? Can't we just all kind of do what we want? We're going to continue discussing that argument in a second. But I think to help us out as we get started, I'm going to try to help you know why God steps in and why he cares.
You may not appreciate the answer to this, but this is why. When it comes to anybody stepping in on any issue with a friend, family member, anybody, there's really two main sliders, two main categories that gauge how much we're going to step in. And they are knowledge and love. So knowledge of the situation, of the circumstance, of the decision, of how it's going to play out, and love for the person making the decision. So your friend comes and says, hey, I'm trying to figure out what kind of Job to get.
Okay? You love your friend, but you don't know what kind of Job they should get. So you're going to help them because you love them, but you're not going to be like, you should be a plumber. Like you're not going to come really aggressively after one type of Job unless you know them really well, have a good, like you're just going to be like, hey, well, what do you like? You're going to try to help them figure it out. Let's say you have a lot of knowledge, but no real love for the person.
So let's say I'm walking into Walmart and a guy comes up to me and says, hey, I'm thinking about dropping out of school and doing drugs. Okay. First of all, nice to meet you, sir. Second of all, I have a lot of knowledge. I feel like I've got a pretty good knowledge of how that's going to play out for him, but I don't know him. I don't really love him.
So my response would be, uh, don't do it. Like if you're taking votes of people in Walmart's parking lot, put me down for a no, but I'm not going to follow him. I'm not going to have an intervention. I'm not going to go to his house and try to find his, his stash and throw it down the track. Like he's not, he's not my brother or something like the amount of aggression I'm going to have. I'll have some knowledge, but I'm not, I don't love him.
Maybe I should, maybe I should work on that. Mostly I'd be like, dude, I'm going into Walmart. Put me down for a no. Don't do it. I got stuff to get. Um, God, if you read scripture, if you just read cover to, to the, from, from one end to the other, and you're not a theology student, you're just reading it.
Two main things are going to jump out. Story after story, poem after poem, letter after letter. God is absolutely in control of everything. He is the king of the universe who created, holds everything in his hand. He is all knowing and all powerful. And he loves you.
He loves you individually. Absolutely loves you. So when we say, why can't he just leave us alone? We're asking, can't he be just loving or just powerful, but not both? That's what we're asking. And if you get just powerful, just knowledgeable, then he looks at us and sees that we're making some huge mistakes, that we've swapped him out for other things, that ultimately that leads to our own harm and destruction.
It's just not enough to get him off the couch. I've figured it out. Doesn't love us. Most of us aren't asking for that. Most of us want the opposite. We want him to love us, but not tell us what to do, not have any knowledge.
We want him to just come alongside of us and say, hey man, I care about you. Whatever you want to do. Do you think that'll make you happy? Go for it. We want him to kind of stand behind us and go. That's kind of what we want.
So the reason God cares, and the reason he's going to step in, and the reason he's going to wade into stuff we don't want him to talk about, is because he's both. The Bible's clear on that. If you want some other version of a God, you're not going to find that one in scripture. He's going to be both powerful and loving, which means that we get both the creator and the cross, where he steps in to love us, to rescue us, to bring us back to himself. Okay. Now, we've got to go, we've got to set gender aside, and go, go look at some philosophy, look at some ideology of our culture, before we can even get to gender, because we've got to understand that there's something really underneath, and behind the whole gender debate, and that is called what Robert Bella, he's a sociologist, calls expressive individualism.
You didn't know you were going to learn something today. Just bring that up in a conversation later this week. People are like, man, I don't know this person was smart. They'll be like, yeah, I'll take two tacos, because I was just, and just mumble it, you know, like, if we're talking about expressive individualism, just say it like that on the phone, people will be like, wow, smart. Here's what expressive individualism is. Here's the argument.
Look inside of you. That's where you'll find your purpose, your meaning, your value. That's how you'll know. Look at your dreams, look at your desires, look at your hope. That's what will define you, what will give you purpose and value. We look inwardly, and then we express ourselves.
That's expressive individualism, and it is all over the place. We have different words for it. We have, follow your heart, you do you, and just, just follow your dreams. Be true to yourself. Who cares what other people think? You just be yourself.
James Harden commercial starts off, it's real cinematic, there's a little voiceover by Harden, and he says, man, real talk, be who you are. Do what you feel, always. Because those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind at all. And it cuts to him doing all these awesome athletic things, and when it's over, you're like, yeah, bump the haters, I'm going to be a professional athlete. Or play Xbox. New York Times article said, people must be allowed to be themselves, however they define themselves, and they owe the world no explanation of it, or excuse for it.
This is in pretty much every Disney movie ever. Cinderella, we talked about her last week. Her song, one of the songs she sings is, a dream is a wish your heart makes. No matter how your heart is dreaming, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true. The Little Mermaid, the point of The Little Mermaid is, follow your dreams no matter what, and then you'll be happy. Which is funny, because the point of the book, The Little Mermaid, is some of your dreams are really destructive, and you should listen to your dad.
Um, Tinkerbell the movie, she says, I want to be free to be who I am. Kung Fu Panda, doesn't matter that he's a fat, unathletic panda, he finds out at the end, that the secret ingredient was in him all along. The real, the real dragon scroll of life, is a mirror. Just look inside yourself. And some of you are like, hey bro, Kung Fu Panda's DreamWorks, not Disney. Good point, Disney owns DreamWorks.
Um, Frozen. Frozen. Uh, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna pick on Poe, I love Poe. If I'm gonna pick on Poe, I also gotta pick on Elsa. You know the part in Frozen, where Elsa loses her mind, goes up on that mountain, makes that giant creepy castle sing into herself, and that big monster, and everybody's like, yay! You know what I'm talking about?
Uh, in that song, where she's completely lost it, she sings, uh, time to see what I can do, test the limits, and break through, no right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free. That's expressive individualism. No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free. And it's not just Disney, it's all over the place. Jesse Jay has a song called, Who You Are. Dreaming is believing, sometimes it's hard to follow your heart, tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are.
The New Radicals, this whole world can fall apart, you'll be okay, follow your heart. Josh Groban, believe in what your heart is saying, hear the melody that's playing, believe in what you feel inside, and give your dreams the wings to fly, you have everything you need, if you just relief. It's hard to read that, not choke up. Um, how many movies do we watch that have this idea? Just look inside yourself, you were the answer the whole time. Dorothy, you had the shoes on the whole time, it's been you the whole time.
Poe, just look in the mirror, you're ready. Like how many people, movies have we watched where someone says, don't you ever let anybody tell you who you're gonna be? Don't you let ever, let anybody tell you what you can and can't do. You be you, you fulfill your dreams, you look inside, you muster it out of yourself, you pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and you can live your dreams. The way you can tell who the bad guy in a movie is, is who's the person who doesn't believe in this, who's our, here's our hero, who doesn't believe in their dreams, who doesn't believe they can accomplish the goal.
And either by the end of the movie, that person will have realized they're wrong and joined the team, or they were the bad guy. So here's what we learn. If I believe something in my heart, and you don't want me to do it, you're an obstacle. You're an enemy. You're a hater. And a hater's gonna hate.
Hate, hate, hate, hate. I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Alright, shake it off. Here's the problem with expressive individualism, and I don't know if we, I don't know if we saw it. I don't know if we saw it coming, but here's the problem. When we all, when we get all aboard the expressive individualism train, when everybody climbs on to this idea that whatever's inside of you is right, whatever's inside of you is true, the last stop on the expressive individualism train is insanity.
If we follow the logic out, the last stop is crazy town. We lose the ability to step in and say, no, no, no, this isn't okay. We lose the ability to step in and say, no, no, no, no, this isn't healthy, this isn't okay for you to do this, because we've already seeded the point with whatever you think is right, whatever you believe is right. And so we lose the ability, and that's where it's headed, because we've already made all the logical arguments and already agreed to all the presuppositions, so when we get there, all we can do is say, well, I guess that applies here too. There's a guy, his name is Stefanke Walsh.
He's a 52-year-old man. He has seven children, and he decided that he did not want to be a father anymore, husband anymore, but that what was real inside of him was that he was a six-year-old girl. So he left his family and has found an adoptive set of parents that are grandparent-ish age who have grandchildren, and he stays over at their house and plays and colors with their grandchildren. This is a picture of him. So, this is expressive individualism carried out, and you can get online and there are people celebrating that he's being true to himself because he's looked inside and there's nobody can tell him this is wrong.
When we used to would have stepped in and said, no, you have a family, you are a man, you have certain roles and responsibilities, you need to carry some weight, you need to lead, no, we have to now at this point say, well, all the logic holds if it's really who he is, if it's really what his heart says, if it's really what his desires are. There's a thing called body integrity identification disorder. This is where individuals believe that they should have been born disabled. So they believe that a certain arm shouldn't belong to them or their legs shouldn't. There are people who have cut off limbs.
There are people who, there's a lady who believes she should have been born blind, so she blinded herself for a while and then poured bleach in her eyes. And is now blind. Because she believed that that's who she was, that's how she was born. She knew that the real her was blind. And every time we've said, just follow your heart, you gotta be true to you, you just do you, we, we climbed on the train. We, we've agreed with the, the logical arguments of whatever you find in you is correct.
Uh, Rachel Dolezal, y'all remember her? Uh, last year, this was an interesting one for our culture. She was the head of the NAACP in, uh, Washington, Spokane, Washington. Um, the problem was that she had been telling people she was black and she was not. And so this was, this is her, this was real interesting, um, because it was just interesting to see how we reacted. Um, so, uh, it's cultural appropriation at its worst.
She's, she's basically saying all this culture and history that, that plays into making a people a people, she just kind of assumes it and says this is me now, this is my culture now, uh, this is a picture of her parents and, uh, her when she was growing up. So people had a problem. They were saying, well, you're not black. You can't just say I'm black. Uh, there was actually, she was on TV, uh, talking to a panel of, of black women who were discussing this with her and she said, why can't I have the right to identify how I identify and I'll give you the right? And one of the hosts responds, Rachel, Rachel, I think it's kind of hard because you're not black.
Uh, and then on the Today Show and an interview, she says, I am deaf, I definitely am not white. Nothing about my being white, nothing about being white describes who I am. I am more black than I am white. That's the accurate answer from my truth. So here, here becomes the question.
How? We've already agreed to all the logic of expressive individualism. How do we step in and look at Rachel and say, no. Realistically, we can't. Realistically, we've already all kind of joined on board with whatever's inside of you, whatever you believe, however you feel, is right. Uh, let me tell you a few quick reasons why expressive individualism just doesn't hold up.
It just isn't helpful. First of all, that's not how freedom works. So the idea that no right, no wrong, no rules for me, I'm free, that's not actually how freedom works. You have the freedom to get in your car and go see the Grand Canyon. And there's a reason you have the freedom to get in your car and go see the Grand Canyon. Because we have roads and rules about how those are made.
We have vehicles and rules about how those are made. We have rules about what kind of vehicles can be on the road. We have rules about what you gotta do at a stop sign and a stoplight. And we got people in shiny cars with blinky little lights that ride around and enforce those rules. That's actually what gives us the freedom to do that. It's not road warrior outside where everybody rides around in a dune buggy and kills people they see and plays the guitar on the front of their car.
Because the guys with the blinky lights stop that kind of activity. That's where we have freedom. Freedom is actually the right constraints. So if you take a fish in a little goldfish bowl and put him in a bigger one, he's got some more freedom maybe. It's a little more expanded. But if we just throw him out on the ground and say, run free!
He's not free anymore because he needed some constraints. Like water would have been helpful. So it's not how freedom works for us to just have no rules whatsoever. It also, it undercuts our ability to, it's not real. It's not in line with reality. So first of all, it doesn't work on real simple things.
Like I can't look at my wife and go, you know, baby, I was looking in my heart and deep down inside I'm not a person who changes diapers. And you don't want to be married to some faker, inauthentic. So I'm going to head back in here because I'm a guy who eats Cheetos and watches TV. It doesn't work. You can't say that to your boss. I just realized that this job doesn't really, this project you have me working on doesn't really line up with who I am so I'm not going to do it.
Okay, you're not going to do anything here with you not having a job anymore. It doesn't work on a bigger scale either because it just, it undercuts our ability to help people with real mental disorders because traditionally that's how we have been able to tell if someone has issues. Someone has mental issues is that they have thoughts that are not in line with reality. So if I told y'all I had to wrap this up pretty quick because I got a game tonight because I'm Cam Newton and I'm pretty important and they really need me there, that would be cute as long as I didn't keep saying that. But after a while you'd be like, bro, you're like two foot too short, woefully unathletic and you know, we're just going to stop there but there's a lot of problems with you saying you're Cam Newton and we need to help you because I would not be saying things in line with reality.
So when you can be whatever you want to be, just look inside yourself, it actually doesn't play out correctly. The only other, one of the other things is oversimplified. I 100% of the time, when you just say follow your heart, that's who you are, 100% of the time only want to eat cheeseburgers with bacon, steak with bacon, tacos with bacon, biscuits with bacon, like 100% of the time. I have never in my entire life thought, man, some kale would really hit the spot right now. Never happened. Not even like if I was having fever dreams would that nonsense flit across my brain.
But, I also want to live to be past 45. Would like to be able to chase my 10 month old son around the house without getting winded and passing out. I don't want to constantly sweat bacon grease. I said constantly, I'm being realistic. I have, which one's the real me? I have opposing desires, which one's the real me?
We, a lot of times we don't even know what we want or it changes. So to say that whatever you find in your heart is real, go for it, doesn't actually work out functionally. And here's the, as Christians, we should have immediately have some red flags rise up in our mind as we talk about this because what expressive individualism says is this, be you, look inside yourself, find yourself, express yourself, grab everything you can and follow your heart. Matthew 16, 24, Jesus says this, if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. So, love yourself, grab all you can and follow your heart feels like the exact opposite of that.
That as a Christian, Jesus is actually going to say, no, looking inwardly isn't what helps you. Getting everything you possibly can isn't what satisfies you and following your heart won't lead you to life and satisfaction. Here's one of the reasons why this becomes such a deep-rooted, believed, harmful truth, harmful idea in our culture. What we read last week, Genesis 127, I want y'all to see something and I think this will help us understand why this becomes such a heated issue. So, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him.
Male and female, he created them. We were designed, we said last week, in the image of God so we automatically have worth and value. But it also means that woven in the very fabric of humanity, built into our actual design, is that we should get our purpose from our creator. We get our identity from our creator. We were made in his image so our identity is actually derivative. It comes from him.
As soon as we swap him out for sex and romance and self, we are designed to begin to get our identity from whatever it is we're worshiping. So as soon as sex goes there, we begin to get our identity from it. That's why in our culture, when someone has a sexual desire, we just come alongside of them and say, that's the real you. Because we've placed sex and romance and self in the spot where we're supposed to derive our identity. We're supposed to derive our purpose and our worth. That's why in our culture, like in our culture, like if we lived, if I lived a couple hundred years ago in some sort of tribal warfare setting and I just wanted to kill people all the time and anybody who disrespected me, I wanted to kill them.
People in my culture would come alongside me and say, that's the real you. Inside of you is a really brave warrior who murders people. They would completely affirm that because that's what we value. And now in our culture, if I want to kill people who disrespect me, suddenly I have problems and should go talk to somebody. But that's because our culture values something completely different.
And that's why when anybody has a sexual desire, we come alongside of them and say, that's the real you. Because we've begun to derive our identity from that. Okay. Galatians 24, Galatians 5, 24 says this, those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and its desires. We do not derive our identity from our passions, from our desires. That is not the sum total of who we are.
Jesus has actually set us free from that. This brings us to the idea of gender. There's a massive push in our society to say that gender isn't actually a thing. To say that gender binary isn't real and gender is fluid. And the Christian's first response to anyone dealing with gender dysphoria, which is the clinical term for someone who believes that they were born in a man's body but they're truly a woman. Or that they don't identify with their body in any sort of sexual way or that they were born in a woman's body but they're truly a man.
Anyone dealing with gender dysphoria, the response from a Christian should first and foremost every single time be compassion. Not anger, not yelling, not fussing, like compassion. because can you imagine being 100% convinced that you were not supposed to be in the body you were in? To be born in a man's body but be 100% convinced that you were supposed to be a female, to begin taking hormonal changes that affect your physiology, to have a surgery that completely changes your physical appearance and then to discover that you still don't feel complete. You still don't feel whole. You still haven't found satisfaction.
If somebody, one of your friends, someone you know is dealing with this, our response is love and prayer and a lot of meals together and a lot of late nights talking. We don't have to encourage the behavior. We don't come alongside and say follow your heart but we, we're not mad. We have compassion. It's heartbreaking and as we begin to talk about this I want to read from a guy named Paul McHugh. He has a Catholic background but he's not an active practicing Christian.
Here's his title. That's the University Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University. So he has four words before his like title. So it's University Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University. Johns Hopkins was the first university to begin doing gender reassignment surgery. The first hospital.
They began in the 60s. That's how far ahead of the game they were on this. So if you were born biologically male but felt inside like a woman they would perform gender reassignment surgery on you. This is a quote from him in a Wall Street Journal article. Policymakers and the media are doing no favors either to the public or the transgendered by treating their confusions as a right in need of defending rather than a mental disorder that deserves understanding, treatment, and prevention. I have witnessed a great deal of damage from sex reassignment.
The children transformed from their male constitution into female roles suffered prolonged distress and misery as they sensed their natural attitudes. This intensely felt sense of being transgendered constitutes a mental disorder in two respects. The first is that the idea of sex misalignment is simply mistaken. It does not correspond with physical reality. The second is that it can lead to grim psychological outcomes. So what he did was he went back to all those who were reassigned and he did a survey.
He sat down and talked with them. What he found was that almost all the males who had surgery now identified as lesbians because they were attracted to women as well as most children who struggled with gender identity confusion grew out of it. I'm going to read another quote of his. You won't hear it from those championing transgender equality but controlled follow-up studies reveal fundamental problems with this movement. When children who reported transgender feelings were tracked without medical or surgical treatment at both Vanderbilt University and London Portman Clinic 70-80% of them spontaneously lost those feelings.
Johns Hopkins after doing several studies no longer does the surgery. They did it for about 20 years. There is a new study in Sweden from 2011. It's only one of its kind and scope and magnitude. It tracked 324 people for about 20 years who had had transgender surgery. The study revealed that beginning about 10 years after having the surgery the transgendered began to experience increasing mental difficulties.
Most shockingly their suicide mortality rose almost 20-fold above the comparable non-transgender population. Their suicide rate rose to almost 20 times the average. At the heart of the problem is confusion over the nature of transgendered sex change over the nature of the transgendered. Sex change is biologically impossible. People who undergo sex reassignment surgery do not change from men to women or vice versa. Rather, they become feminized men or masculinized women claiming that this is a civil rights matter and encouraging surgical intervention is in reality to collaborate with and promote a mental disorder.
Okay. I realize that that is hard to hear especially for compassionate people seeking to encourage and go along with our current cultural narrative. He does give an example that I think is helpful. One of the things he is saying is that the way we understand a mental disorder is when someone's thoughts are not in line thoughts and feelings are not in line with physical reality. And so one of the examples he gives is that if someone is anorexic they believe that they are overweight whether they are or are not and anorexic people can stand in front of a mirror and be very dangerously thin and believe that they are overweight and can look at you and say look at how fat I am and he says we don't come alongside them and say if that's what you believe follow your heart.
We don't come alongside of them and help them by encouraging them we come alongside them and help them by saying what you currently believe is in in line with reality. and that's what he says is not happening for those in the transgender community. If you don't feel at home in your body if you feel like an imposter in your own flesh if you feel like you don't quite fit let me tell you something that makes sense because in Christianity we have this understanding that we were designed to exist in a relationship with our creator and that's where we find fulfillment and joy and satisfaction and hope and when that relationship gets broken everything gets broken in us. We are no longer at home we are no longer at rest we no longer fit where we're supposed to we don't feel right anymore because we were designed to find our purpose and satisfaction and identity in God. So for someone who says I don't feel like I fit in this body the Christian response is that makes sense.
The theological term for that is estrangement that we were supposed to be in a relationship with God but that relationship is broken. Augustine says it this way you have made us for yourself oh Lord and our heart is restless until it finds rest in you. So for Christians we shouldn't be surprised by gender dysphoria at all. It's just an acute sense of what we all know to be true which is outside of God outside of Jesus stepping in on the cross we all of us are going to have to find something to fill the void something to make us feel okay. Truthfully those with gender dysphoria just have a more acute sense and they're doing what we're all doing which is looking for something to finish the sentence if I just had blank I'd be okay or if blank was just true about me I'd be finally complete. the problem is every time we fit something in that blank that isn't Jesus it ultimately doesn't satisfy it doesn't fill us up and it doesn't make us whole.
So we agree with the problem. You don't feel at home in your own skin. Yeah. All of us feel like something is lacking and something is empty and something is broken and something needs to be fixed but the answer is that Jesus came swap places with us on the cross to take away our shame and our guilt and to welcome us back into the relationship that we need to have with him. That he crosses that massive chasm between us and God to bridge the gap through his own blood to set us free. The band is going to come back up here and gender dysphoria is at its root a spiritual issue that comes from us worshiping something that ultimately isn't going to fix us.
So as our culture has placed self and romance and sexuality in this massive void caused by the absence of God we've begun to try to derive our identity from something that's not going to be able to give it to us and not going to be able to complete us and not going to be able to fill us up. But as Christians we understand that and we know the answer to that. Which is that Jesus Christ came to fix that problem through his own work and his own merit and his own blood and not our value or work or not anything else we can fill in the blank with. God I pray I pray that you would help us to love your good design.
God I pray that you would help us to see that you are all knowing and all loving and be able to trust you in that as we get to see you on the cross which proves that you're for us and you're for our good. I pray God that you would help us. That you would eradicate pride and superiority. That you would eradicate this desire to prove ourselves or to fill ourselves up or to find in us meaning and purpose. And God I pray that we would look to you to find meaning and purpose. I pray that instead of putting ourselves in that place we put you there.
Help us to trust you and follow you. help us to love all of our neighbors and all of our neighbors that currently struggle with gender dysphoria and gender issues that God we would be so overwhelmingly loving that it would be palpable. That they would feel so welcome because we who don't deserve to be welcome have been welcomed in through the cross. God fill us with your grace so that we can share it with others. We love you. We praise you in Jesus name. Amen.
Y'all stand listening. God bless you in mother stews in Jesus. We love you in the heart of Noah. Thank you in her. We love you in the heart of Gary, is in the heart of my little deum with people love started to move with America.
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Romance
As Americans we are convinced that the point of life is happiness. Through movies, advertising, and music our culture has told us that the primary avenue to happiness is romance. But what if happiness is too small of a goal? What do we do when both happiness and romance fail us?
Transcript
Well, good morning. We're about to have some fun for the next several weeks. So, we are going to be starting this the first week in our Theology of Sex series, and we're just going to take some time to look at gender and sexuality because, really, it's a big issue for us. It's a big issue for every culture, questions that you have to answer, and we're just kind of all over the map right now as a culture. So, let me give you just a quick kind of, here's where we're headed. Next week, we're actually going to spend some time just talking about gender.
Is it a social construct? Is there more depth and meaning to it than that? Or is it fluid? Like, we're just going to spend some time looking at what the Bible has to say about it. Next, the following week, we're going to talk about masculinity. So, what is it that makes you a man?
What is it that makes a man a man? Is it the ability to fix a truck and grow a beard? Or is it, should we throw off all of those kind of stereotypes about being able to do push-ups? And is it something completely different? Or is that just socially engineered as well? Is there actually something deep and real in masculinity given to us in Scripture?
So, we're going to look at that. Then, the following week, we'll be in femininity, looking at what it means to be a woman. And so, we'll have a man up here opening the Bible, teaching about what it means to be a woman. So, that should go really well. The purpose and God-given design for womanhood and femininity, especially with how much pressure is placed on women in our culture. We're just going to see what the Bible says that's supposed to look like.
Then, we'll go into the purpose of sex. Is it whatever you want it to be? Is it just for fun? Is it just for the propagation of humanity? Is that the only reason it exists? Or is there something deeper, more real to it?
And then, we'll talk about marriage, specifically American understanding of a marriage versus God's understanding of marriage. Is marriage primarily for fulfillment, for you being happy? Is it primarily to keep society going? We'll spend some time there. Then, we're going to talk about intolerance, bigotry, and hospitality when it comes to the church. And so, we should have a very good time, I think, as we walk through this.
We will definitely say some offensive things. The Bible is offensive to all of us. But before we get into all the really offensive things, all the stuff that we all have a lot of questions about, a lot of tension over, we're going to have to lay a foundation. We're going to have to lay a framework for us to even understand how we're supposed to view sexuality, how we're supposed to view gender, how we can even begin to approach this topic. We've got to lay the groundwork for our ability to even walk onto that playing field. Because we're going to come from very different places.
And so, we have to say, here's how we're approaching it from a biblical standpoint. And so, our culture and us, we like love stories. We like romance. We place a lot of value there. It's the stories we tell. That's what Disney has made tons and tons of money off of telling us love stories.
And even in the movies we watch, like if people start off not married, the movie ends with a wedding. And that's it. It's like, they say they're, like, sometimes you don't even have to hear what they say. They just run out and someone throws rice at their face and then credits. And you're like, oh, magic. Like, they ride away in a little carriage.
Like, I was watching Cinderella recently. And, and... Was that weird? Was that a weird thing to say? Anna, my wife, likes those movies. So, I watched them periodically with her.
And it was, like, destroying my soul as I watched that. Look, I can watch Cinderella. We're going to talk about masculinity in a couple of weeks. Don't throw your... No, I'm just kidding. All right.
Stereotypes on me. All right. They, they, I think, if I'm correct with Cinderella, though, they meet at the ball. They dance a couple of times. He chases her down. Her shoe, her foot fits in the shoe.
Obviously the same woman, because that's how feet work. He didn't recognize her face. It was just based off of the foot. Then it says they get, they get married. They're riding off in a carriage. And it's, like, happily ever after.
And I'm like, this is, like, their first conversation. That carriage ride is super awkward. Like, this is... And who knows, really? Like, they don't know each other at all. There's just, we tell these stories.
But, like, I'm going to share a few, just, these kind of stories. Because we, we find them compelling. We, we enjoy sharing them. I got a few from just my family. So I'm going to tell you how my grandparents on both sides and my parents met.
My grandparents on my dad's side met as a part of the same church. And began to date. It was right before World War II or during World War II. And my granddad was, had been through, I believe boot camp was about to be shipping out. But they started dating.
When they started dating, my grandmother told him, she said she didn't want to kiss anybody until she got married. Like, that, her wedding day would be her first kiss. And my granddad was like, yeah. That sounds great. I'm totally for that. That sounds wonderful.
And then he was like, but what if we just tried to see how close we could get our faces together without kissing? And apparently, like, talked my grandmother into it. She was like, okay, I don't think why that would be bad. Then he was like, like, they accidentally kissed. And he was like, oops. Since that happened, do you want to do that some more?
And that's like the only story I know about them dating that my grandmother just told me one time randomly. And I was like, I don't know how I feel about that story. Weirded out. Kind of proud of my granddad. Like, I don't know how to have an emotional reaction to this. But then he, they got married like a week before he shipped out to go overseas to World War II.
My other grandparents, my mom's side, my granddad was in medical school. My grandmother was, had just finished nursing school. They were doing, like, rotation or training at the same hospital. My granddad wasn't dating anybody because he felt called to go be a missionary, a foreign missionary. And so he was going to go be a medical missionary. And he just wasn't dating anybody because he didn't want to, that, to get weird.
He felt like this is what he was supposed to do. And my grandmother really wanted a family, children. Like, she really felt like that was something that was supposed to be. Like, she just desired it. But she also felt called, even from a young age, to be a foreign missionary.
And so she just one day was really wrestling with this. And she was praying. And she said, okay, God, I'll go. I'll go be a single missionary forever. I'll never have a husband and children and all that if that's not for me. If that's not what you want me to do, I submit.
I surrender. I'll do this. At the same time, my granddad was eating dinner. While she's praying through this in her, like, dorm room or how she lived with a couple other ladies, she, my granddad was eating dinner and having a conversation. And it came up. They never really dated anybody.
And he just said, I want to be a foreign missionary, so I'm not going to get into any relationships. And somebody was like, oh, there's a nurse around here that she's going to be a foreign missionary. And he was like, phone number. She comes out of the room from praying. And they're like, you got a phone call. It was my granddad.
He was like, you want to go on a date? Because you want to go to another country. And so do I. And that's why don't we just maybe go to the country together. And so that was how they met, started talking, started dating, and ended up being missionaries to Nigeria. My parents, last one.
My parents, my dad's, my granddad on my dad's side was a pastor. So my mom was hanging out at that church because she went to school near that area where he was a pastor. And my dad saw my mom, thought she was cute. So he walked over to his mom, kind of in the vicinity of, I think maybe his mom and my mom were talking. Walked over to his mom, put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek and said, I just want to tell you how much I love you. And then just walked away.
And my mom's first thought about my dad was, if he's that nice to his mom, I wonder how nice he'll be to his wife. And it was all a trick. But there's just something compelling to us about romance, about relationships, about, there's something, they hold promise for us. Whenever anybody enters into a new relationship, there's just this, I don't know, I don't know how this is going to work out. There's just all these, like, it could just be so, and we have so many beliefs that our culture gives us about relationships and about sexuality and about love and about romance that are just pumped into our brains all the time.
Even without us really paying attention to it. I was riding the other day, I was been working on this and I had like a five minute car ride. And the first song I heard when I got in the car, listen to it, Steve FM or whatever, like random radio. The first song I heard was, don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself. If you're familiar with that song, it's a guy trying to get a girl to have sex with him and she doesn't want to until they're married. And that's the whole point of the song.
So high quality music there. And then the next one was the I'm at a payphone waiting for you. I've spent all my money trying to call you that song. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm at a payphone waiting for you. That one, okay.
So I listened to that and he's, yeah, you're right. I should sing up here more often. And then the third one was Funky Comodina, which I'm not going to describe to you. But if you know it, all three of these songs, and this is what I'm riding around. I don't know all of them. I'm singing, you know, like Funky Comodina, like I'm riding around.
And this is what we're pumping into our brains all the time. I mean, there's just so much, we're being told so many stories, so many things to believe. There's just so much given to us. And honestly, it begins to just seep into us. And we really need to take a second and pull back and look at the big picture and ask this question. This is what we're looking at today.
We're going to see why this is so compelling to us. Why love stories, why this idea of people coming together, why romance, why it's such a big deal, why it really foundationally, fundamentally, even in scriptures, so compelling, and why it can be absolutely harmful and devastating. And just, if it gets in the wrong place, destructive. And so that's what we're going to spend some time doing. Now, we're going to get to talking about sex, but we've got to lay the groundwork first. So go to Genesis chapter 1.
All the way left in your Bible. It's on page 1. If your Bible looks like this, it's absolutely page 1, because it doesn't even say page 1 on it. You're going to have to find page 2 and go back a page. I'm going to pray, and then we're going to start at the very beginning of everything in the Bible and see kind of how we can lay a framework for how we ought to view this, why romance weighs so heavily on us, and why it can be so destructive. God, we thank you that you don't leave us on our own to figure this out, that really heavy, difficult, life-changing, heartfelt issues, like gender, like sexuality, like marriage, aren't left up to us, aren't left up to popular opinion.
God, I know that what you say and what we're going to see as we study through this over the next couple months is the opposite in a lot of ways of what we believe as a culture and honestly is in some ways offensive, I think, to everybody. I think we'll be surprised to see who and how we get offended as we walk through this, God. But I just pray that your Holy Spirit would work, that you would make us receptive to your Word, and that this morning you'd help us lay a framework and a foundation for how we're going to approach the rest of this. We love you and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.
All right, Genesis chapter 1, verse 1. This is the very beginning of the Bible. In the beginning. Seems like a good place to start. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Okay, stop.
At the very onset of Scripture, we are met with a very powerful God. Francis Schaeffer, who's a theologian, says that this may be the most pregnant sentence in all of humanity. It's just absolutely so full of depth, bursting forth with life, that we can just miss it. So it says, In the beginning, God. God exists prior to existence. He exists prior to the beginning of everything.
Like, everything we do is time-based, time-bound. I saw, I see, I went, I run, Johnny runs, Johnny ran, Johnny goes, Johnny went, go, Johnny, go, go, go. Like, we, we, everything is, and God is prior to that. There's no way to even, just to describe it. He's prior to the word prior. Like, before our ability to say before.
He exists outside of time. In the beginning, God exists, and then he creates the heavens and the earth. God, out of nothing, out of himself, really, creates everything. So everything we have, created by God. So prior to existence, there was God.
This is what we're told in the Bible. And then, God, out of nothing, creates everything. And so, when Anna and I first moved here, we got, we bought a house, well, we rent it from the bank. And, we, it was like, oh, cool, it's finally our own spot. Like, we're out of apartments, this is going to be nice. And then, I didn't realize what this was going to do to my wife.
So as soon as we get a house, she's like, wouldn't it be nice if, like, she starts so many sentences that way now. And it's like, wouldn't it be, oh, shit, what if we got some carpet? What if we build a fence? What if we, like, it's all these things. And it's like, yeah, that sounds great. And then, every time though, we ask the follow-up question, how much is that going to cost?
We have a discussion where we look at our budget, and then we say things like, maybe next year. Like, unless it's like, wouldn't it be nice if we had another trash, can? Most of the time, it's like, maybe next year. Like, we have to, God doesn't have to do that. He, infinite power and wealth, like, he, out of his own riches, out of his own glory, he creates everything. And it says, he creates the heavens and the earth.
So heavens there has an S. This is written through a biblical author who is empowered by the Holy Spirit. So he's writing about something he has no idea about. At this point, all he really could do is like, look up, and then if he wanted to see a little better, he could squint. Like, that's all he had. And he's saying heavens, which is the explanation of what we now know is infinite space.
Like, we can't, we don't know if it's infinite, because we can't see the end of it. We're just like, it just seems to keep going. It seems like everything gets bigger. Every time we shine a telescope to the darkest spot of the sky, and then we just wait some years for it to catch light, we're like, oh wow, there's a whole bunch of other stuff. All we know is that there's galaxies and galaxies, and solar system and solar system, and in the middle of this, not very impressive galaxy, in the middle of this not very impressive solar system, there's this tiny little oddly shaped earth that God creates.
And when we originally started space exploration, we had like four criteria for what it would take to have a habitable planet. And we were like, oh, we're going to find tons. Let's go. And so we started looking, and then it started, it slowly grew from four criteria to over 200 now, and we're starting to look at the statistics and going, I don't know if we're going to find another one. And then people respond with, well, yeah, but there's so many planets, there's got to be some. But what we see is that statistically, earth gets off a degree or two, it gets a little too far away from sun, a little too close to the sun, like there's not much that's in between us, and melting, or imploding, or exploding, or freezing, like we're right in the little, the sweet spot for humans to exist on a tilt, that we didn't realize that was important, and then we found out, oh no, actually if it was like a degree one, two the other way, we'd be in trouble.
We're the only planet we know of that sits on an awkward axis like that. And, and so we started saying, well, it seems like this is true. It's, it's logical to say, all right, I see in scripture that it says there's a God who made the heavens, and then he made an earth, and he's playing out this story on this earth, and it seems like it's, it's at least logical. Now, you can say, well, okay, but, but in infinite space, in infinite time, with infinite multiverses, and all of the galaxies, like at some point, yeah, I see, you got to hit it, like, there's going to be a planet, and people say that, but we don't use that argument for other things.
So, if you were in the old west, and you, you were dealing poker, and you dealt yourself four aces, it's a nice hand, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, and then the next hand, you deal yourself four aces, the other guys at the table, are going to have a problem with you. They're going to stand up, they're going to pull out their guns, because everybody has a gun, and they're going to shoot you, because this is America, and, so they stand up, they pull out guns, and you respond, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, in the infinite number of universes, in time and space, in the infinite number of saloons, where people play poker, isn't it possible, that we just happen to be in the one, where I get dealt four aces, seven times in a row, you know what they're going to say, dang Clem, I never thought about that, you know Jessup, he's got a point, no you're going to get shot, because, while possible, it's actually more probable, at that point, that something else is at play, and that's kind of what we have with earth, while possible, that Yahtzee, we hit the lottery, it's actually, actually at some point, more probable, that there was some intention, there was some design, and that's what the Bible says, that we have a creator, who creates the heavens, and he creates the earth, and on the earth, he begins to play out this story, so, jump down, to verse 26, and we're going to read the last part, of this chapter, and what's happened so far, is God has, he speaks, so it says, God said, and then God saw, and then it was good, and that's what plays out, this whole time, as he creates everything else, and then verse 26, then God said, let us make man, in our image, after our likeness, and let them, so mankind there, let them, have dominion, over the fish of the sea, and over the birds, and over the heavens, and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing, that creeps on the earth, so God created man, in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them, so it's not just man, the way we use that word, it's man as in, human, humankind, so God created man, in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them, and God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion, over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing, that moves on the earth, and God said, behold I have given you, every plant yielding seed, that is on the face of the earth, and every tree with seed, and its fruit, you shall have them for food, and to every beast of the earth, and every bird of the heavens, and everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has breath of life, I have given them, every green plant for food, and it was so, and God saw everything, that he had made, and behold it was very good, and there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day, so God playing out this story, he creates an earth, and then he begins to create, all the things on the earth, and there's suddenly this break, in the way that this is playing out, so it was God said, and then God saw, and it was good, so God said let there be light, and God saw the light, and the light was good, and that's how it plays out, the rest of the time, until we get to verse 26, and then the story kind of breaks up, because it says God said, let us make man in our image, that's the Godhead talking to himself, that's God the Son, God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit, having a discussion about, we're going to make a relational, personal being, and as the pinnacle of creation, God makes humans, and he creates us in his image, so when an artist paints a portrait, the goal of the portrait, is to show what that person was like, what they looked like, and when God made humanity, the purpose, was to show what he's like, so from the very beginning, we see that we were made, by God, with purpose, that we have, we were made by God, and for God, in his image, so that in and of ourselves, we have dignity, and value, and worth, now for Americans, us as Americans, this is massively important, because we believe some things, are just undeniably true, they're true, whether you believe they're true, they're true, whether you think they're true, there are some things, that are just true, we hold certain truths, to be self-evident, I'm going to read this to you, we hold these truths, to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and that they are endowed, by their creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these, are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, okay, that's a nice sentence, all men are created equal, and are endowed, with unalienable rights, but here's the question, why? Why? Why are men created equal, why are they endowed with rights, you can't take away from them?
You can't take away from them? Because, for the majority, of human history, and the majority, of humans, that have walked on the earth, that has not been self-evident, that statement right there, has not been believed, what has been believed, is we're more powerful, so we get to do what we want, what has been believed, is people on the other side, of that border, are less than human, what has been believed, is if your skin, looks this color, or that color, mostly just not my color, you're less than human, what has happened,
Is holocaust, and forced slavery, and sex trafficking, throughout the majority, of human history, if you're old, if you're weak, if you're young, if you're small, if you're mentally deformed, if you're a woman, throughout the history, of humanity, we haven't believed that, this is massively important, there's a French philosopher, his name is Jacques Derrida, he's not a Christian, not a God fear, not religious at all, but what it says, it says he looks at human rights, here's what he comes up with, the concept of crime,
Against humanity, is a Christian concept, and I think there would be, no such thing, in the law today, without the Christian heritage, the Abrahamic heritage, the biblical heritage, so do you hear what he's saying, he's saying he's, he's a philosopher, and he's looking at law, and he's saying, there would not be, crimes against humanity, this idea, comes out of Christianity, because we don't see it, showing up other places, and it comes out of, Genesis 1, we were made in the image of God, with worth, with value,
Because we were created, by him, for him, for his purposes, and he's right, you wouldn't see that, you don't see that, showing up other places, outside of this heritage, and we don't believe this, for other things, so in Africa, every day, there's a wild pack of lions, that roams around, and prays on the small, and the weak, and the old, and the sick, eating cute little gazelle, zebras, elephants, not the big elephants, but the small,
Cute ones, just mows them down, doesn't even feel bad, and nobody riots, and nobody protests, and we don't have a hashtag, zebra lives matter, because they're animals, and they're different, than humans, there's a reason, why an animal, can kill an animal, and we're like, that's what animals do, but you can't get mad, at someone, and walk into a Walmart, and hit them in the head, with a shovel, like it's, there's a reason, because humans, have dignity,
And value, and worth, given to us, by our creator, and historically, anytime we get this wrong, historically, anytime we begin to, not believe this, we begin to elevate, animals, or we begin to, lower other types of humans, or all humans, this goes horrendously, wrong, it becomes horrific, we have forced slavery, we have racism, we have genocide, we have holocaust, every time we get this wrong, that we were created, by God,
For his purposes, in his image, so don't, don't lose me there, stick with me there, because you miss, you lose too much, if you miss this, let me, let me show you a few things, that this gives us, automatically, if God is God, and created everything, and made us in his image, here's what this gives us, it gives you the right, to be outraged, over things you should be outraged over, I read an article yesterday, about a tribe in Africa, that when girls turn 10, they take them, away from their families,
They take them, to a remote part of the village, and the older women, in their tribe, teach them, how to please men, and then they are told, when you get done with this, it's called initiation, when you get done with this, go find an older man, and begin having sex, 10 year olds, and that's how you become a woman, and that's what womanhood is, in that culture, and they try to stay away, from western people, because western people, try to come in and say, no no no no no no, this isn't okay, this isn't good for you, this isn't how this should work,
And without, this, we don't have a leg to stand on, without that we were made, in God's image, you actually don't have, any argument, other than a cultural argument, which is this is the way I feel, but when you have this, you have the right to be outraged, you have the right to step in, and say no you can't, you can't just kill people, because they're Jewish, no no you can't, you can't treat girls like that, just because they have no power, in your society, sex trafficking is not okay, we lose this, we lose crime against humanity, if we lose that we were created, in the image of God,
And designed for his good purposes, it also gives you automatically, you have value and worth, just by the nature, of being made in the image of God, you have dignity, value and worth, given to you, granted to you, placed in you, by God, it also gives you purpose, your purpose is going to be, ultimately found in God, satisfied in God, you will find ultimate fulfillment, in God, because you were designed by him, for his purposes, so let me give you, some helpful advice here, it's not work, you're not going to find your purpose, and value in work,
And every time we get that wrong, every time we begin to believe, that if I have this job, or if I'm just this type of person, if I make this amount of money, I'll be fulfilled, I'll be satisfied, doesn't happen, it's not going to be found, in other people's opinions of you, if I could just get people to like me, if everybody around me, knew how wonderful I was, if I could just have other people, like it goes terribly wrong, every time we seek our fulfillment, our value, our purpose in that, it's not going to be found in yourself, you don't exist for your own glory, and joy, and fulfillment, like you're not going to find fulfillment, if you just seek satisfaction,
It's not going to happen, it's a little bit like, let's say, hypothetically, but it doesn't have to be hypothetical, let's say, hypothetically, you invite me over to your house, to eat delicious food, because you found out, I like delicious food, and so you say, something along the lines of, Chet, do you like delicious food, and do you want to come to my house, and eat it, and I say something along the lines of, heck yes I do, and then we high five, let's say you invite me over to your house, you're preparing food, I'm hanging out, and then I look and I go,
No, you painted your walls the wrong color, you're going to think, well that was rude, but maybe, because I preach, I'm kind of a pastor, you'll let me slide on that one, you'll just think, well I didn't know he was a jerk, surprise, and then I say, ah, your coffee table's in the wrong spot, and then I'm like, I'll just, I'll move it, so I just like, start messing with your stuff, I'm like, dude you don't have a DVR, seriously, like eventually, you'd be like,
Hey bro, it's in your house, not your zone, not designed for you, and you would be very correct, and the truth is, every time we walk around on earth, like this was supposed to fill us up, we're just a whiny house guest in God's house, it wasn't designed for our ultimate satisfaction, it wasn't built around us, we are the pinnacle of creation, he pauses and makes us in his image, which gives us dignity and value and worth, we're not the point of creation, and we're ultimately going to find our satisfaction, and our joy in him, and that's actually, what makes romance so compelling, and so harmful, turn with me to Romans chapter 1, that's going to be on page 610, Romans chapter 1, it's going to mirror some of what we just read,
And it's going to help us diagnose, some of the issues that we have, when we begin to approach, gender, sexuality, why us being made in the image of God, created by a creator, who has creator rights over us, and us being made in the image of God, is actually what makes romance and love, so compelling and so harmful, we're going to start in verse 21, for although they knew God, they did not honor him as God, or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened, claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God, for images, resembling mortal man, and birds, and animals,
And creeping things, therefore God gave them up, in the lusts of their hearts, to impurity, to dishonoring of their bodies, among themselves, because they exchanged the truth of God, for a lie, and worshipped, and served the creature, rather than the creator, who is blessed forever, amen, for this reason, God gave them up, to dishonorable passions, and so we'll stop there, it's the end of a sentence, seems good to me, what that just said was, God was designed to be God, and then it says, but we, they,
Swapped out, the creator, for creation, for images, that look like man, that look like birds, that just any kind of created thing, gets put there, and here, here's what happens, basically what it's saying, is that, the translation where it says, they exchanged the truth about God, for a lie, some commentators will say, that actually should be the lie, they exchanged the truth about God, for the lie, which is that, something other than God, can fill us up, something other than God, can be our purpose,
Something other than God, can make us happy, something other than God, can fit in this spot, and that's the lie, ever since Adam and Eve, rebelled in the garden, and messed all of this up, and we followed in their tracks, doing the exact same thing, that's the lie, that something other than God, can take his spot, and here's what happens, when that happens, we begin to worship, and serve created things, so you don't just have, a lazy husband, you have a husband, who's rejected, his God-given design, you don't just have an, and he's begun to believe,
That his comfort, is above all, above all, and that's where ultimate satisfaction, and hope comes from, you don't just have an anxious wife, you have a wife, who's begun to believe, that security, is what will fill her up, that the ability, to control situations, is where ultimate, satisfaction will come, you don't just have, an angry tyrant dad, you have a dad, who's begun to believe, that he deserves, to be worshipped, that he deserves, to be submitted to, that he deserves, to be exalted,
I have a 10 month old son, I don't just have a son, who's learning, how to throw fits, I have a son, who believes, fundamentally, that the world, exists for him, and he can't say those words, but that's what he believes, and he started doing this, like you take something from him, and he does this, and he's like 10 months old, he can't even hold his head up, he's going to fall over, you have to like hold him, but what this is, is dad, I'm so sick of your garbage, right now, like how dare you, like he likes to dance,
So he's holding my phone, and dancing, because he was playing music, and I took it from him, and he just goes, and puts his head down, because that is his, now he touched it, and stuck it in his mouth, so he owns it, and you can't take it from him, because the world exists, to revolve around him, his little heart, believes that, that's how kids learn mine, is one of their first words, we were hanging over, hanging out with our community group, and there was two little kids, Archer had already picked up two coasters, and was walking around, we're pretty sure he hit them, before we left,
So we were like, I hope y'all didn't want all your coasters, to the person who's hosting us, and another like two-year-old girl, comes over, and she takes that from him, and she goes, this is mine, and my wife was like, it's not either of y'all's, you can't just walk into someone's house, and claim things, so my wife pushed her to the ground, I'm just kidding, my wife's in Kid City, so if you have children up there, I'm just kidding, she didn't push me, but I can say whatever I want, because she can't hear me, but that's what happens, we begin to believe, other things will fill us up, and here's,
See what it says in the text, don't, we can't gloss past this, twice, therefore, it's in verse 24, therefore, therefore, God gave them up, in their lusts of their hearts, to impurity, to dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served the creature, rather than the creator, who is blessed forever, amen, for this reason, God gave them up, to dishonorable passions, twice, it says, the outcome of this, the outcome of God being moved from his rightful place,
Is, sexual, that one of the major outcomes, is that romance, and passion, and lust, get elevated, and here's why, we were made in the image of God, and are therefore, the easiest thing to believe, will fill us up, and give us purpose, and give us a reason to live, the easiest thing for you to put in the place of God, is another human, because humans were made in the image of God, they are the second best, so a lot of people, like we place a high value on money, we believe that money will, like money and success, America loves that, but I'll tell you something,
That we also believe, every time someone's house burns down, but their whole family is okay, what do they say, it's helped me realize, what was really important, and we all go, yeah, you're right, people, yes, how could we forget, when we watch movies, sure, we like money, we like success, and if that could be thrown in, that sounds great, but what happens in the movies, the person gives up money, they give up success, to chase after their love, they're willing to go, go for broke,
They're willing to be poor, if they can just have this person, they're willing to quit their job, if it means they can spend time, with their children, because, humans, made in the image of God, are the easiest thing, to replace God with, because they come, so close, to giving us purpose, and filling us up, and giving us value, you're going to be able, to find that more, in your children, than you will be in a job, you're going to be able, to find that more, in chasing after romance, than you'll find it, in other things,
Because humans, are made in the image of God, and therefore, the easiest thing, to swap it out for him, but it becomes very, harmful and destructive, when we do that, and so what it says is, they elevated romance, they elevate passion, they elevate lust, they elevate sexuality, to a place that it shouldn't be in, and here's what happens, let's just take a second, to look at our culture, if we're doing that, if we've replaced God, with romance, with sexuality, with gender, I would expect, that you have a culture,
That looked like ours, we have a three billion, a dollar a year, industry in online dating, three billion a year, that's pretty big, we have a 51 billion dollar, industry, in the marriage industry, the wedding industry, 51 billion dollars, to give you a place for that, I think last year, the NFL had, was a 10 billion dollar, so 51 billion, in the wedding industry, the porn industry, which is really hard, to track Numbers on, because a lot of it's online, a lot of it's under reported, or unreported, but estimates put it,
Somewhere competing with, the NFL, Major League Baseball, NBA, ABC, NBC, CBS, and some of them, are going to say, it's actually more, than the NFL, the NBA, and the MLB combined, or it's more than, ABC, CBS, NBC combined, but it depends, on who's doing the study, and really what we just see, is that that's a major, industry for us, I think, you begin to see,
In our culture, where we just start assuming, yeah you're supposed, to get married, yeah part of your story, is a romance story, absolutely, and if you're not married, there's got to be, something wrong with you, like we begin, to believe that, we begin to say things like, I just want to get married, because I don't want to be alone, like our options, are marriage, or loneliness, because we've begun, to spread this information, you have, your great, your grandmother, every time you see her,
Your great aunt, every time you see her, says, met anybody yet, because we've begun, to believe that value, and worth, come from, another human, come from, a relationship, come from, romance, we've begun to place, value here, we, we would have movies, that say things like, you realize that trying, to keep your distance from me, will not lessen my affection, for you, all efforts to save me, from you will fail,
That's from the fault, in her stars, or I love you, you're my only reason, to stay alive, that's from Twilight, a lot of y'all recognized it, but we have, we have stories, that reinforce this, and we just hear it, and we go, yes, like you, you can't watch Braveheart, without his, his wife dying, that he married in secret, and then she dies, and you're like, absolutely, you want to kill all of England, makes sense, I'm with you,
Let's do it, because these are the stories, we tell, this is what we believe, this is where, so you have a book, movie combo, about an abusive relationship, involving bondage, and dominance, and submission, and masochism, that grosses, 500 million dollars, worldwide, it's one of the most profitable, movies of 2015, in Fifty Shades of Grey, that the song, that comes from that, with Ellie Golding's hit song, that says this, on the edge of paradise, every inch of your skin,
Is a holy grail, I've got to find, only you can set my heart on fire, or Tove Love's song, oh, that's the, touch me like you do, touch, touch me like you do song, the Ellie Golding song, Tove Love's song, that says this, you're gone, you're gone, and I've got to stay high, all the time, to keep you off my mind, which is basically, my sex romance, romance God failed, so I need to turn, to my drug God, to keep my brain, like we,
From One Direction, from every song, the song, I Believe in Miracles, that we sing all the time, one of the lyrics in that song was, I met you yesterday, and now you're in my bed, I believe in miracles, and, it's catchy, but, our culture, has begun to play, so much weight, here, and then I would think, if you see a culture, that's doing this, that's elevated romance, that's elevated sexuality, then you would start having, what we have, with just some serious,
Backlash to it, you'd have really high, divorce rates, you'd hear us saying, things like, she just doesn't meet my needs, he doesn't just, he just doesn't make me, happy anymore, well you need to find, someone who makes you happy, you need to find someone, who completes you, you need to find your soulmate, and we'd all just nod along, yes, correct, a person who can complete me, the one special someone, out there, and if this person, isn't working, if we're having some friction, obviously not the one special someone,
You'd have really high, sexual expectations, all the time, across the board, all you have to do, is look at a magazine rack, to understand that this is, rampant in our culture, have a lot of cynicism, when it comes to romance, and I believe, that you begin to see, what we're seeing, which is the ultimate sin, the unforgivable sin, in our culture, is, not letting someone, be with the person, they want to be with, that's unforgivable, you can't deny someone, the ability to be with someone, they want to be with,
Why, because we've swapped out God, and we've elevated each other, we've elevated romance, we've elevated people, who were made in his image, because we're the easiest thing, to elevate to that spot, and that's what we have, that's what's happening, we have, it's all over the place, and so, what do we do, how does this work, there's a, Danny Akins, a guy who wrote a book, and there's a story, about an anthropologist, that was hanging out, with the Hopi people, and he asked them, he said,
Why are all your songs, about rain, so he'd gotten to know them, they'd gotten to know him, they'd shared culture, back and forth, and so he asked, why all of your songs, are about rain, and the Hopi guy said, because that's life, for us, that's salvation, for us, without rain, we're dead, and then the Hopi guy said, why are all your songs, about romance, that's life, for us, that's salvation, for us, and without romance,
We're dead, would be the answer, so the question left, if we were made, by a creator, in his image, to image him, and to find our ultimate, fulfillment and purpose, in him, and then because of that, because of that, very beautiful truth, we're the easiest thing, to put in his place, so that we've swapped him out, for smaller, broken images, the question is, how does he respond, God, the answer, is that God, came to earth,
In the person of Jesus, to live out perfectly, what we should have done, that actually, Colossians is going to say, he is the image, of the invisible God, so we were made, in the image of God, but he is the image of God, so Jesus comes, and lives perfectly, what it means to be human, and what it means, for us to relate to God, that's what Christ was doing, and you know, what he didn't do, he didn't get married, he didn't have a relationship, he didn't have sex, he didn't chase romance, and this baffles us, to the point,
That we have things, like the Da Vinci Code, and movies, like the last temptation, of Christ, because obviously, he had to have, a secret romance, because otherwise, how would he be fulfilled, how would he be a person, it's got to be fake, if he doesn't, but no, he comes and lives, and he shows, that there's value, in being celibate, there's value, that romance isn't God, and then he lives, perfectly on our behalf, and swaps himself, out for us,
This is God's response, to us, swapping him out, we're going to read, 2nd Corinthians 521, we'll show it on the screen, for our sake, he made him, that's God made Jesus, we read this a lot, but God made Jesus, to be sin for us, to be sin, who knew no sin, so that in him, we might, become the righteousness, of God, God made Jesus, to be sin, so that in him, we could become, the righteousness of God, that's God's response,
That the perfect image, of God, when we swapped God out, for broken smaller images, that the perfect image, of God, would swap himself, out for us, and what we tried, to receive, what we ultimately, chased after, when we swapped him out, was brokenness, harm, sin, death, destruction, and you know, when Jesus, swapped himself out for us, you know what he took, brokenness, harm,
Sin, death, and destruction, that's what he took, on himself, when he went to the cross, was our brokenness, our pain, our sin, our death, our destruction, so that, he could give us back, what we had exchanged, the first time, so that he could give us back, God, a real relationship, with God, and the ability, to enter into a relationship, through faith, and have our purposes, re-fulfilled,
That's what Jesus, did for us, we were made, in the image of God, and therefore, we're the easiest thing, to swap out for him, and then Jesus, as the image of God, swapped himself, back out for us, to reverse what we had done, so that we could be, welcomed back in, now, next week, we start saying, some offensive things, next week, God gets aggressive, when it comes to, how we view sexuality, romance, hopefully he's already started,
To help us see, where we're off, but if we miss this, if we miss, that we were made, in the image of God, if we miss, that God loves us, so much, that he invites us, into a bigger, more true love story, one of the reasons, that romance, love, finds resonance, in our soul, is that, the true story, of history, of humanity, is a beautiful love story, where Jesus, overcomes the odds,
To rescue his people, that's one of the reasons, we love that story, because that's what, Jesus did for us, in the cross, overcame all the odds, to bring us back, even when we were separated, separated, by massive separation, if we miss this, that you have a God, who created you, and therefore has creator rights, over you, therefore has a design, and you miss, that he loves you so much, that in the midst, of our rebellion, and brokenness, he was unwilling, to let us go,
But came to rescue us, if you miss both, of those things, the rest of it, will only seem, restrictive, will only seem, like it traps us, will only seem, oppressive, the rest of his design, for human sexuality, can only be seen, but when we know, that he has a design for us, and that he loves us, it sets us free, to follow him, so we're not afraid, to say the offensive things, we're going to say, but it mostly, we want to be helpful, and if you don't get,
That you were made, in the image of God, and have worth, and value, and dignity, and that Jesus loved you, so much to rescue you, you're going to miss, everything else, the band's going, to come back up, God I pray, that you would work, in us, to give us the grace, to follow you, give us the faith, to trust you, when you say things, to us, that we disagree with, help us to see, that you're the creator, and therefore have a,
Vantage point we don't have, and help us to see, that you love us, so much in the cross, that you're willing, to die to rescue us, that you are ultimately, trustworthy, with our lives, and with everything, God I pray, that you'd help all of us, to submit, our masculinity, our femininity, and our sexuality, to you, for your glory, as we follow after you, in Jesus name, amen, amen, amen, amen,
Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen,