A Husband's Honor
1 Peter 3:7
Transcript
So obviously we introed with a clip from the movie Frozen, so we're talking about manhood, masculinity, and being a husband today. But so what we're doing is we're walking verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter. And Peter, what we're doing these two weeks, we just called it Misfit Marriage. So this whole series we've entitled Misfits because we're just looking at Peter's describing, writing a letter to the church in the first century and calling them to look like the gospel actually affects their lives. Which means that we will automatically not fit in as well in our culture because we're using a different thing to guide us.
We have different goals, different thoughts on what is best for us as we walk through life. What life is actually supposed to look like. And so we just entitled this Misfits. And so for the past two weeks, last week and this week, we're looking at what the instruction he gives to wives and husbands. And actually how that makes our marriages look different. You're not going to read this in People Magazine.
What we're going to talk about today, what we talked about last week specifically with wives being submissive to and subject to their husbands. You're not like, oh yeah, I saw an article about that recently. People were so on board with that. It's just not what our culture says, but it's actually what's good and helpful and beneficial as told to us by God who designed everything. And so I want to start off. We're going to pray and then I'm going to kind of, let me do this first.
I want to start off by talking to the females in the room and try to help you understand what you, why you would want to listen this morning. What would actually be helpful to you as you listen. So single females. Some of you are not supposed to get married, don't feel called to get married, don't want to get married. That is fine. That is good.
You get to image the gospel in that way, in a way particular to singles. You get to show the gospel in a way that married couples can't. And so that's beautiful and good and okay for the females in the room who feel called to get married, who want to get married, who have a desire to be a wife, to be a mother. What we're going to talk about today is what husbands ought to look like, what men ought to look like. And so I just want you to know what that should look like so that you can recognize it and so you can expect it. Let me just tell you something about guys that you may or may not know.
If you lower the bar, they will pretty much meet your expectations. Guys are pretty much going to jump the hurdles that are given to them. And if they won't, good, fine. Like if you raise the bar on what it looks like to be a man and what it looks like to pursue you and they're not willing to reach that, find someone who will. Like if your biblical standard for what a man should look like is here and they won't come to that, then good. You don't want to marry that moron anyway.
But if you lower it, you will have hordes of morons knocking at your door. So if you do not expect biblical masculinity, you will not get it outside of God's just real good grace to you. Because you're basically going to get what you call out of. So I want you to understand what it looks like, what biblical masculinity looks like, what headship looks like, what God calls husbands to so that you can expect it. Wives, three things. Don't try to be the Holy Spirit.
So if your husband is just kind of off in some of these areas, isn't following well in some of these areas, isn't repenting well in some of these areas, don't elbow him. Don't go, eyes up there. Like don't do that. When you get in the car to go home, don't go, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Like just don't do it. So I don't care if your husband handled last week well or not.
You get the chance to handle this week well. So don't do it. Do pray that the Holy Spirit will put your husband on his rear end today in the areas that he needs to be. So do pray. If there's a section, just if it's just a helpful section where your husband's off, just be, dear Lord, get him. That's an appropriate prayer today.
And do, where you see your husband fulfilling some of these roles, doing well in some of these areas, trying in some of these areas, do encourage that. Do go and say, hey, thank you. Thank you for doing this well. Thank you for trying this. Thank you for leading here. Thank you for fighting for this for our family.
Do encourage it. So those are kind of your options and things you get to do today. Also, you want to know what's called for for your husband so that you can see it, so you can recognize it, so you can encourage it, and so you can expect it. So you can be willing to step back and say, no, that's actually something you're supposed to be doing. I expect that. Okay.
The Bible places on men what is known as headship. The reason headship, we don't really use this word, but the reason it's helpful is it is not just leadership. Leadership is not just given to men. Women are allowed to lead, called to lead, good at leading. That's okay. Okay.
Now, inside the marriage and in the church, headship is placed on men, and it's actually placed on all men outside of marriage, outside of the church. We are called to foster growth and health in all things around us. We're called to build and to cultivate, and that wherever we are, wherever men are, things are designed to flourish. And you can look at our culture and see that where men are lacking, things fall apart. And you can talk to a sociologist. You can look at studies.
Nobody's arguing this. Where there are fatherless homes, where men are lacking, things fall apart. It does not work well because men were designed and headship was placed on men to create order and allow those around them to flourish. That's what men are called to do. Which means that every man in this room, you were designed to carry weight. I've heard someone say that men are like trucks.
They drive straighter with a load, and that is true. You are not meant to be bored. Bored men become complacent and can cause great pain. You are designed to have weight and responsibility. You are designed to carry a load. Single men, pay attention to what you are called to so that you might step up and begin to lead and be a man in all the areas that you're in.
Now, you may not be supposed to get married, but headship is still placed on you in life. And for single men and married men, but specifically for single men, there are two things currently that can completely derail your ability to walk in masculinity in our culture. And that's pornography and video games. And let me, I just want to tag this very early on because those two things tap into two of the things that you were designed to be and do. That doesn't mean I'm not going to keep up with time. I'm just going to beat the snot out of myself with my watch if I keep doing this.
Two things that you were designed to be and do that it short circuits. Short circuits. So pornography, short circuits in a man's brain, in females' brains as well, but in a man's brain, when you were designed to pursue a real woman that you have to sacrifice for, that you have to work for, that you have to put yourself out for, that you have to take pain for, that you have to carry weight for and have responsibility for it, short circuits that and gives you a cheap imitation that will derail your ability to pursue actual masculinity. And video games easily tap into what you were designed to be, which is someone who builds, who wars, who creates, who strategizes, who leads, who suffers.
And video games allow you to tap into that in a moment so that you can actually sit on the couch and pretend to do all those things and never actually accomplish anything. Now, pornography, never okay. Video games as hobby, limited amount of time during the week, acceptable. Video games as part-time or full-time Job, unacceptable. Video games as the thing you do with your time when you have nothing else to do, unacceptable. Because it taps into and robs you of what masculinity is supposed to look like.
Let me read you some stats just about American men real quick. Tonight, 40% of children will go to bed without a father. For the first time in American history, the majority of children born to women under 30 are born out of wedlock. Today, a single woman is more likely than her male counterpart to go to college, have a job, attend church, and have a driver's license. The state of masculinity and manhood in the U.S. is in a very deplorable state. And where masculinity and manhood fails, things fall apart.
And we are a joke when it comes to masculinity in the U.S. right now. And the only place where that is going to change is through Scripture and from the church leading in what it looks like to be a biblical man. Jesus, when we look at Jesus, he sacrificed for those around him. He suffered for something bigger than himself. He didn't act like he was the center of the world, even though he is. He actually suffered for the good of those around him so that they might be lifted up, so that they might flourish.
He was gentle and kind and abrasive when he needed to be. He was focused. He shows us how testosterone ought to be handled, how male headship ought to look. And as you look at Jesus, you see every man sees what you were called to be, what you were designed for. And I would like to invite all the males in this room to join up with the other males in this room in following after Jesus, which means that we fail and we fall short, but we go shoulder to shoulder in trying to see what it looks like to be biblical men, which is not easy, but it's very, very good for our souls and for those around us.
Now, I will say this about our church family that I'm very appreciative of. We have a lot of men, and we have a lot of men trying to follow scripture, trying to study what it means, repenting of sin, leading their families. We have guys who were living with their girlfriends, became a Christian, moved out, and planned to get married so that they could honor their girlfriend and future wife. We have guys that lead in repentance of sin in their families. One of the complaints we have about our church family, which every time someone complains about it, I just get so happy in my soul. As girls will say, man, there's too many guys around here.
Thank you, Jesus. The least likely person to be a part of a church family is a male between the ages of 18 and 34. We're going to be baptizing four, maybe five guys next week in that age range. Thank you, Jesus. But we all want to go shoulder to shoulder in what it looks like to follow him and to be biblical men.
And so single men, married men. Good morning. We're going to study scripture this morning. Father, we thank you for this opportunity. And we pray that your Holy Spirit would lead us. And God, we need you.
And we need your grace. And we thank you that you don't leave us alone, but you show us what it looks like to be men, to lead, to follow. And we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Okay, so that's not going to be the tone for the rest of the day, but I wanted to start us off there. We're going to look at verse 7 of 1 Peter chapter 3.
So it's on page 657. We're going to look at one verse. And we're really just going to try to unpack for husbands. Now, it applies to men in general, but for husbands specifically, how you ought to relate to your wife. And this is, 1 Peter is going to hit a different area than some of the other areas in scripture hit. So that's why I brought up headship, because it falls under that, although 1 Peter is not going to address it.
Ephesians 5 has some really helpful things. But we're just going to specifically look at what Peter has to say about it as he comes out of. Last week he said, wives, be subject to your husbands. Follow their leadership. Realize that their decisions are going to affect you and be willing to submit, trusting Jesus over your husband. That's what we just studied last week.
And so if you come out of that, you can immediately be like, okay, so husbands just get to do whatever they want and get their way. If he didn't put this verse in, you might could assume that, but he put this in, so you can't assume that. We're going to read this verse, and then we're going to walk through it chunk by chunk. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I'm going to read that again. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
To be helpful, we're going to walk through chunk by chunk, but we're going to skip ahead real quick just so that we're not all confused. What does he mean by weaker vessel? So immediately females can be like, hold on a second, what is this? What did he just say? Especially in our culture where that's kind of frowned upon to say things like that. So let me just give you a few areas that he may, what he may be referring to when he says live with your wife in an understanding way, honoring them as the weaker vessel.
In general, he may be pointing to the fact that in general females are more in touch with their emotions, which is good. You want that. But it makes certain circumstances more difficult for females. The ability to swap back and forth between everything being tied to their emotions. So there's not much that happens with my wife, Anna, that isn't also connected to emotions, to how she feels about things.
85% Of my life is not connected to how I feel about things. And that makes me easier to, it makes it easier for me to handle certain circumstances. That may be what he's talking about. The emotional wiring of males and females, which just listen to a comedian. We agree with this, or at least we see it. Could be in general that males are bigger, more physically designed to take a beating than females.
That could be in general what he's talking about, and that is in general. I mean, I wouldn't want to play tennis with Serena Williams or arm wrestle her. But in general, males are bigger than females, stronger than females, able to take. That's why WNBA and NBA are different. That's why we separate sports the way we do. That's why there aren't many females that compete at the level that males.
It's just in general, that's the way it works. Now, there are exceptions. I mean, but even the U.S. Army has different regulations for males and females, although we did just have a few females pass ranger school where there aren't any differences. So there are exceptions, but in general.
The other thing he may, what he's basically saying is this. Not, he's saying they're different. Males and females are different. Not one is better than the other. So C.S.
Lewis says, To say one thing is not another thing does not levy a complaint against either. To say that the sun is not the moon is not to attack either. And so he's just saying that there's differences. It's like females are fine china and males are cast iron. Both good, used for different things. Treated differently.
If you took a Brillo pad to your grandmother's fine china, she would assault you. They can only be cleaned with the backs of white kittens. Like, I mean, there's just, you have to, you have to treat them differently. And it's not to say one's better. It's just used differently. Not one's better, not the other.
It's like saying, would you rather have a pillowcase or a plunger? What am I using them for? Like, they just, they're both good, but they need to be used differently. And honestly, we're all very glad that your pillowcase and your plunger are different and used in different. Like, you want, that's okay. It's okay for there to be differences.
I think that's what he's pointing to here. And we're going to talk about a little bit about what that means. But we know this. Deep in our hearts, we know this. That this is the way it's designed to be. That there is a certain level of cast iron in China for males and females.
That we're supposed to be treated differently, spoken to differently. That's okay. So, there's a couple. They're laying in bed. 3.30 a.m. There's a loud crashing noise.
And it is now obvious that someone is entering their home. So, the guy rolls over to the female and he looks at her and says, in a very hushed and quick voice, Hey, you know how one of the things you like most about me is that I don't get into this whole male-female stuff that's been passed on to us from older people. Like, I'm not into that. And, you know, we always, that's one of the things you like best about me. So, I was thinking either we would just play Paper Rock Scissors to see who faces the intruder. Or we can make a really progressive choice and you could just.
Now, immediately, we know loud crashing sound, male and female in the house. Alright, boy. It's go time. Your name's just been called. Like, that happens at my house. I'm not going to look at Anna and be like, whose turn is it?
It's not happening. Male or female breaking into my house. They're about to have their hands full. Like, it's go time. That's just how it works. Like, we, okay.
In 2012, July 20th, 2012, at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, at a, like a midnight showing of The Dark Knight, about 20 minutes in, a guy comes in, throws in tear gas, pulls out an assault rifle. And three young guys in their 20s with their girlfriends, not their wives, not their mothers, with their girlfriends, push their girlfriends to the ground. And laid on top of them. All three of the girlfriends were wounded. All three of the guys died. The girls were wounded as bullets went past through the guys and into their bodies.
And immediately, across the world, those three guys were heralded as heroes because we know that that's how that's supposed to work. In the same year, there was a boat called the Costa Concordia that sank and 32-something people died. But there was widespread – it was just told as the story came out that men were pushing down women and children to make it to the lifeboats first. And immediately, that was condemned as heinous, sick, twisted, broken, because we know that this is true. That men are designed to take the beating. And so, as it comes to being a husband, being a man, one of the questions that you get to ask in your relationship is who takes the beating?
When it comes to working more, when it comes to picking up the slack, when it comes to making decisions, when it comes to who's going to take the beating? Because men are designed for it. So, I think that's what he's tapping into there. And now we're going to talk specifically through understanding way and then what it means to honor your wives. So, what he says is, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. I love that he says, live with them in an understanding way, which means that your posture is that of an understanding way.
He does not say, husbands, understand your wives. Because that would be terrible. But he does say, live with your wife in an understanding way. And here's how I think a couple of ways that this applies. Get to know your wife. Learn her.
Realize that she's going to change. So, my wife and I just had a son. My wife is different now. She is not the same person I began dating in high school. She's not the same person she changed when we got married. She's not the same person that she was when we first got married.
She's been different every time we've moved to different states. And she's had different jobs. She has changed. Her tastes have changed. Her attitude toward things has changed. And part of my role as a husband is to try to understand her.
To learn her. To get to know her. To pursue her consistently. So, I'll tell you one of the smallest ways that this has happened. And my wife always tolerated Taco Bell. She didn't really like it.
She was just okay with it. Because I really like Taco Bell. So, we would eat there some. And a lot of times, I'd be like, you want to go to Taco Bell? She'd say, sure. And this is why we were living here.
And we would go. But on the way to Taco Bell, there's a KFC. And it never failed. As we were getting close and she saw KFC, she went, or we could just get some chicken. And so, we went to KFC a lot. I could see Taco Bell.
I wanted Taco Bell. And I'd just be like, mmm. Then she got pregnant. And I don't remember. It was two, three months in. And she looked at me.
It was late in the evening. And she says, do you want to go to Taco Bell? Yes. Heck, yes, I do. And so, while she was pregnant, and I did not matter. It could be 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
It could be 10 o'clock at night. While she was pregnant, I could go, do you want some Taco Bell? And she'd be like, that sounds good. And so, I took advantage of this because I knew the only reason she wanted Taco Bell was because my son existed inside of her. And he wanted Taco Bell. That's right.
I passed on trashy jeans or something. Like, I don't know what went into him that made him crave Taco Bell. But I knew that was the only reason. So, I ate so much Taco Bell. And then, grace upon grace, she still likes Taco Bell. That's beautiful.
And I'm assuming that will last until maybe our next child. Like, I don't know. But her tastes are going to change. I say that to say, realize your wife is going to change. Her tastes are going to change. Her desires for things are going to change.
And realize that your wife is not someone else's wife. So, learn your wife's version of humor. Does your wife think sarcasm is funny? My wife thinks sarcasm is hilarious, which makes it very difficult for me to converse with other females. Because I say things to them that my wife would think is funny. And they look at me like I'm the worst human they've ever met.
I'll be like, you didn't think that? Okay. Sorry. My bad. What kind of humor is she like? What kind of...
How does she communicate? Is she a morning person? Is she an evening... Like, understand your wife. Begin to learn. This is not the time to have this conversation.
This is not the time... This is not the way to approach my wife. Realize that when your married friend says, this is what I do, that may or may not be helpful. Sometimes you just need to say, cool, bro, and not do that. You're married to a different person. Understand your wife.
Pursue her. Learn her. And realize you're going to do that forever. How do they receive affection? How do they show affection? Begin to learn your wife.
Okay. So, we're going to look at three ways to show honor. So, what he says is, understand... Live with your wives in an understanding way. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel means treat her differently. She is not one of your...
She is your friend, but she's not one of your male friends. She gets treated differently. She gets shown honor in a different way. So, we're going to talk about three ways, three places that this shows up. It shows up in how you talk about your wife, how you talk to your wife, and how you make decisions. So, we're just taking the idea of what does it look like to show honor to your wife, to love her, to prefer her.
And so, it's how you talk about her, how you talk to her, and how you make decisions. Talk about her. Here's the rule. This one's short. You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people, period. I will state that again.
You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people. This is something that men do. The two things men will get... Three things men will get together and talk about. They'll talk about sports. They'll randomly just talk about what's going on.
They'll bash their boss, and they'll bash their wife. You don't get to partake in the third... Second or third. You can talk about sports. I don't have time to talk about why you can't bash your boss. But just this one.
You don't get to say derogatory things about your wife to other people. You can say nice things about your wife to other people. You can say nice things about your wife in front of your wife. You don't get to say mean things about your wife in front of your wife. It does not make you look good. It does not make her look good.
It does not foster health or growth or joy or peace in your household. Don't do it. You get to encourage her in front of people. You get to point out her wins in front of other people. You don't get to... My wife loves sarcasm.
Father, one of the areas I have to repent to her. most often is I will make sarcastic jokes to her or about her around other people, and that is never appropriate. It is not the same as when we are alone. So some of the things that I can say to her that are funny when we are by ourselves are not funny if other people are in the room, and I have to repent to her often. I'm getting better at that. I have to repent to her less often than I used to. You can.
The only caveat to this rule is if you are working through something and need to talk to some guys in your community group to ask for clarification for prayer, and as long as it's not in a gossipy way, you can say, hey, this is going on in our marriage right now. This is a thing that's happening. I need some clarification. I need some help. I need some wisdom here. That's perfectly biblically okay.
Otherwise, you don't get to just say, well, my wife always does this, and this is something. You just don't. It's not cute. It's not cool. It does not honor your wife. Okay, second one, how you talk to your wife.
Colossians is going to say don't be harsh. You don't get to bully your wife. You don't get to push her around. You don't get to go flash bang when you get in arguments. My wife is scary. I am way scarier.
And I know immediately if anybody knows my wife, they're like, she's not that scary. You've never seen her angry. She's scary. I'm scarier though. And so when we get in arguments, I don't get to throw things. I don't get to shout at her.
I don't get to call her names. I don't get to belittle her. You don't get to do that as a husband. You get to love. You get to honor your wife regardless of the circumstance. Prefer her.
Show her respect. Treat her as if she's more important than you are. That's what it looks like. So tone, word use. What this means is that you need to go out of your way to say very helpful, encouraging, gracious things to your wife. You need to look for the things that she does well, where the Holy Spirit's active in her, where you can see her growing and you need to point them out.
You don't just get to follow around and tell her the things that annoy you. When was the last time you walked in your house and specifically looked around for things to say encouragingly to your wife about what she does, about how she carries herself, about... One of the things that... It makes life more fun. You can easily notice the things that bother you. Walk in your house and go, I'm going to find five.
I'm going to find five things tonight that I can say encouragingly to my wife. Make it a game. Make it challenging. Some of you, two is a challenge. Go for it. Find something to say encouraging.
Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you so much for being like this. Can I just tell you that I noticed this and appreciate it about you? Can I tell you why all other females pale in comparison to you? They are garbage. And you're a roast.
Like, say some of this stuff. That's okay. Do that. Speak to your wife in an encouraging, loving, gracious way. And when there is conflict, don't go flashbang grenade on her to win. Don't pull up old arguments.
Don't... Resolve the conflict in a helpful, gracious way. You don't get to be harsh to your wife. The third one, and I think this one is the most confusing and difficult in a way to honor your wife as the weaker vessel and in an understanding way, is how you make decisions. So let me tell you the rule first, and then we're going to talk through a couple of scenarios, how it plays out, because it's difficult.
The rule is, first of all, there's headship placed on you as a husband. So let me tell you a little story. There was two naked people, and they lived in a garden. And they ate fruit, and the male naked person was named Adam, and he was given a job to name all the animals and to cultivate the rest of the world to look like this garden. So this is Adam and Eve.
There was one thing they couldn't do, which was eat of a certain tree, which was God, I believe, teaching them to trust him. And what happens is Eve, the wife, she would be the naked lady in the story. Try to stay focused. Ate of the tree, and then it says she gave some to her husband who was with her. And then, so she sinned, so she was deceived, the Bible tells us that, and she gave to her husband who was with her. So he was just hanging out, doing nothing, apparently, while she talked to a snake.
Husbands, if your wife starts talking to a snake, that's your moment. Step in. Don't talk to snakes. Anyway, sorry, I'm distracted. God shows up, and he calls for Adam. He does not call for Eve.
And when Adam responds to God, his response is this. The woman you gave me, he responds with, but my wife. And God says, no. The response there is, that doesn't matter. When God punishes Adam, he says, because you listen to the voice of your wife, which does not mean don't converse with your wife, don't ask for her opinion, don't let her speak into things. What it means is, the ultimate weight of the headship of your family rests on you.
The ultimate health and weight of and judgment for your family, your household rests on the male. That's the way it's designed. So if you look at a relationship and you say, she's in charge of that family. No, she is not. He is the head of the house. He's just a bad one.
That's how that works biblically. So the rule is, all decisions, ultimately, the man will be held accountable for. And there is no, but my wife. There is no, she's really hard to talk to. She's really difficult to lead. I'm sorry.
That doesn't get to be an excuse. You're held accountable for it. So the rule for husbands, you need to realize all decisions coming out of your household, ultimately, fall under your headship. Which means that when you make decisions, you make decisions to honor, to love, to serve your family, not yourself. So that's the rule.
All decisions ultimately will fall on your shoulders. And secondly, all decisions are made to honor, serve, love your family. Honor, serve, love your wife. Honor, serve, love your children. Guys in dating relationships, guys who are single. This begins by not having sex before you are married.
Because that is how you honor, serve, and love your spouse and your family. By leading immediately, early on, in repentance. By leading immediately and early on through following scripture. Which is hard. At no point does the Bible act like what is called of men is easy. And let me tell you something, men.
You were designed for difficult. You're supposed to carry weight. Now, I will say this. Since all decisions are going to fall under your headship, you need to become very well acquainted with this book. Men should be devouring this. Because we are not smart enough to make wise decisions outside of this.
If you think that you're going to navigate life well without this, that's a mistake. And you need to be asking your wife stuff because she's smart. Sarah and Abraham, we looked at them last week. There's a story where Sarah goes to Abraham and says, This is what I want to do in this situation. Abraham goes to God and God says, Do everything your wife just said. Ladies, you missed your chance.
That was the time to say amen. It's too late now. That's not the rule for how marriage should always work. It is not always do everything your wife says. But there are times when you're going to sit down with your wife and you're going to say, How do we navigate this?
And she's going to say, I think this, this, and this. And you're going to go, That was amazing. You're going to pray about it. You're going to say, I think God said do everything you said. Plans, steps one through five were brilliant. But at the end of the day, the weight of the decision still lands on you.
So let me show you some practical ways that this applies. It means that you honor your wife by preferring her and by deferring to her. The reason that so often Anna and I turned into KFC instead of going to Taco Bell is that I prefer my wife. Which means she gets her way in a lot of things. We discuss stuff and she, yeah, I don't care. That's not going to harm our family.
I don't know the difference between periwinkle and blue and fuchsia. Like, whatever. Yeah. Just paint it whatever. Like, we're good. Like, I'm, this means practically that my wife and I eat at Olive Garden.
I hate Olive Garden. It really tastes like, first of all, the decor is like you're in a retirement home and it tastes like they cook the pasta at a gas station. And Darden, the parent company to Olive Garden, recently had like a 300 slide presentation. And basically what they said was, this looks like an old folks home and it tastes like you cook this in a gas station. Like, the parent company said that to Olive Garden. So I'm not wrong.
But my wife and I eat there because she likes Olive Garden. What it means is that a lot of times you're just going to prefer your wife. You're going to defer to her. You're going to honor her. You're going to show her respect. You're going to act like her opinion means more than yours.
What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Now, lead. Make decisions. Don't put all the weight every time on your wife. Don't always look at her and go, where do you want to eat?
Sometimes just say, hey, we're going to go eat here. That's gracious to your wife. She appreciates that. Realize that. Don't make her make every single decision all day long because you're trying to be nice to her. But at times it does mean you're just going to defer to her.
You're going to prefer her. Now, what happens? And this is the big thing that shows up in this passage, especially with what we read last week. What happens when you disagree? And it's a big thing. It's not Taco Bell or KFC.
Because that's a real choice around here because we don't have a KFC Taco Bell, which Target Market, West Columbia. I mean, absolutely, KFC Taco Bell, you would do great. If you're listening online, anybody who works there. Sorry. What do you do when you can't decide? What do you do when it's a big decision?
When it's who goes back to school? Do I quit my job so that we can do a startup? When it's do our kids go to homeschool? Do our kids go to school? Do we do some of both? When it's how are we going to pay for this?
When it's what do we do with this money? How do we set our budget? What do you do when you cannot decide? When you have said all of your words, she has said all of her words. You have thought about it. You've prayed about it.
You've talked to your community group to seek wisdom. You've studied scripture. What do you do when there is, regardless of the size of the decision, one of you says this is what's best for our family and this is what's best for our family? What do you do? I will tell you what often happens, but you need to remember two things. All decisions coming out of your household will ultimately rest on you.
That does not mean wives and that does not mean for your wife that she is not held accountable for her decisions, her actions, her attitudes, her sins. That is not the case. It does mean that headship rests on you and that decisions coming out of your household ultimately you'll be held accountable for. But how do you honor your wife living with her in an understanding way, honoring her as a weaker vessel when it comes to conflict and decision making? Well, we already know that he told wives be subject to your husbands. So how do you, when there's conflict, when you can't make a decision, how does this work?
I'll tell you what often happens. Men often will do this. Will do whatever you want to do. For a couple of reasons. One is usually we're tired of talking. I'm just, I'm out of words.
There are days Anna asks me questions and I just answer in my head. And five minutes later she's like, are you going to answer me? And I'm like, I didn't. I just, I didn't know. I was out of words. I had run out earlier in the day.
I had no more. And there are times in conversations when it is two o'clock in the morning and I have no more words. And she still has a lot. Like I just saw a whole garrison of reinforcement words just show up. And guys will say, we'll do whatever you want to do. And here's, sometimes it is, it is, it is a pretend niceness and it is weakness.
And men, we need to stop. Here's what we're doing. If we disagree and I let her decide, she carries the weight of the decision. So if she's right, good. She was right. That's a win for us.
She's happy. We didn't have to talk anymore about it. She feels like I was nice to her. She's right. Good. I don't have to, I don't have to take the beating of being wrong.
I don't have to go repent. I don't have to, I don't, I don't, she just, if she's wrong, good. She'll see that I was right. And she'll take the beating. Not abusively like you're going to beat your wife. But she'll take the fallout of the wrong decision.
She'll have to own it. She'll have to carry the weight. She'll have to feel the pressure. Good. We argued about it. We discussed it.
We couldn't come to a conclusion. I finally said, we'll do whatever you want to do. And she was wrong. Good. Good. Good.
And it's weakness. It's not leadership. And it's not honoring your wife. It's not gracious. What you're doing is you're pushing your wife out in front of you and saying, hey, just be fodder. I don't think this is good for our family, but I'm tired of discussing it.
You take the beating. I don't think this is good for the direction of our relationship, but I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of saying it, so you take the beating. I'm tired. And I don't want to do what's difficult. And I don't want to do what's called of me.
And I don't want to take the beating anymore. So you do. Here's what happens. The way you honor your wife is by taking the beating on behalf of her. All decisions are ultimately going to, you're going to be held accountable for them. So that means sometimes you do what your wife suggested, what she says, what she thinks is right.
But you own the decision so that when it goes poorly, you still repent. You don't look at your wife and say, you had a bad plan. You look at her and say, I led poorly here because you did. Sometimes when you cannot agree, husbands, you take the beating on both sides. Your wife will be upset with you. That is fine.
You look at her and say, I'm sorry. I don't know if this is the right next step. I know it's the one we're taking. If everything was always clear, you wouldn't need leadership. If the next step was always obvious, you wouldn't need leadership. You would just agree and you'd move on it.
And that happens. But when the next step isn't clear, you have to lead. You have to carry the weight. You have to say, I don't know if this is the right next step, but I know it's the one we're taking. And then you take the punishment. If it's right or if it's wrong, you repent.
Repent quickly. If it's a wrong decision, repent quickly. Change course. Go for it. Wives, realize the grace that is offered to you in that scenario. You get to know that you are right and that you are following well, following Jesus well by following your husband.
That you're trusting Jesus as you follow your husband. And at the end of the day, if your husband says, this is the direction we're going, you get to know that you're right. Your husband does not get that grace. He doesn't get that. He doesn't get the chance to know that he's right other than he's trying to lead. He has to carry the weight of the decision.
So, it means you prefer your wife. You defer to your wife. You ask her a lot of questions. You learn. You let her step in, weigh in. But at the end of the day, all the decisions coming out of your household are ultimately going to be laid on you.
And at times, that means that you're going to have to look at your wife and say, I have heard you. And really here, listen. This is the direction we are taking. And I'm going to ask you to follow me. And you're going to carry the weight. And take the beating if you're wrong.
And take the beating in the decision at the beginning, even if you're right because of the disagreement. And that's how you honor your wife. And that's how you love your wife. And that's how you serve your wife. You don't let her carry the weight of decisions and put that pressure on her because she wasn't designed to do it. And it's not gracious to her.
And it's not loving. It's weakness. And it's not fun. But that doesn't have anything to do with it. Sorry. But here's where it gets a little better.
He tells us why. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. The reason we do this is because in front of Jesus, we're all equal. We need grace. We need him to work on us. We need him to change us.
We need him to step in and fix the problem. We need grace. Your wife and you need Jesus. One of the things we're told about manhood is that you can never admit you're wrong. You can never show any weakness. You can never ask for help.
No. Christian men need grace. Our weak need help. Need Jesus. All of us need Jesus. We all need grace.
We all need Jesus to show up and help us, to fix us, to change us, to lead us. And then he says, so that your prayers won't be hindered. I think this means two things. One is, if you don't understand your wife and you're not honoring her and you're not living her in a healthy way, your household isn't that healthy. And your prayers are just not going to be great. Your prayer life will be kind of messed up because your relationship with your wife will be messed up.
The other thing I think it means is this. God, who is in the ultimate position of authority and leadership, used it to sacrifice and suffer and serve those who are under his leadership, under his care. And if you are using your position of authority, headship and power to take advantage of females, to take advantage of your wife, to abuse her, to do everything the way you want to do it, to be lazy, to be weak. God only wants to talk to you about that. He doesn't want to hear about your job. When you're praying about work and a promotion, he's going, oh, we need to talk about your family.
You need to repent. And so what Peter's saying, I think, is love your wife, serve her, honor her, follow Jesus, and then you actually can pray well for her. You can have a healthy prayer life and you can talk about other things because you're not going to be in constant need of repentance. Okay. Next week is baptism. Thank you, Jesus.
We're going to celebrate. We're going to have a party. The past weeks have been, Peter hasn't pulled any punches. The past weeks have been obey all authorities, even the government, which Americans love that. So obey the government, honor everyone.
Then suffer well. You were called to suffer. You were designed to suffer. Suffer well. And then wives, be subject to your husbands. And husbands, honor and love your wives.
So it's not been the funnest past weeks. Here's what we're going to do. Because we're all heirs of the grace of life and we all needed Jesus to show up in our brokenness and our weakness and sin. We're going to celebrate now by taking communion. And what communion is is an active, present reminder of the fact that Jesus declared once and for all definitively on the cross that every single one of us is messed up and every single one of us needs him. That Jesus definitively declared that you are broken and that you need grace.
And then his body was broken as he sacrificed and suffered on our behalf so that we could have life and joy and hope and peace and grace. And so what we'll do is you're going to take bread and you're going to remind yourself of his broken body on your behalf. And you're going to take the bread and dip it in the juice to remind yourself of his blood that was spilled on your behalf. And you're going to take communion. But before we do that, as we've talked about some difficult things over the past several weeks, we're going to pray.
Some of you need to repent. Some of you need to confess. You need to talk to your husband. You need to talk to your wife. You need to say, I've led poorly here. I've followed poorly here.
I've undermined you here. I've not been encouraging. When I need to tell you 15 things that I love about you right now. Because all I've done is follow you around and tell you all the things that bother me. Single guys, some of you need to repent to your girlfriends. For leading poorly.
For taking advantage of them. Single females, some of you need to talk to Jesus about how much weight you've placed in a relationship that isn't to him. Where you've allowed a male to lead you poorly. When you should have been following Jesus and trusting him. Where you've thought that you had to do a certain amount of things or be a certain type of person so that someone could actually care about you. And that Jesus has already definitively declared that he loves you eternally and will sacrifice forever for you.
That he would give everything for you. And that you are loved and that you are valuable and that you do have worth. Some of you just need to talk to somebody in your church family and in your community group that you just have something against. You need to talk to them about it. You need to repent. You need to ask for their forgiveness.
You need to offer grace. You need to talk to somebody who you think has something against you. Just talk to them. Some of you just need somebody to pray with you. So here's what we're going to do.
This music is going to keep playing. We're going to move around. We're going to talk to each other. And then we're going to celebrate that Jesus saves sinners and gives grace to people who are broken and messed up. We're going to celebrate that we've been made into a family and that we have hope because Jesus died for us. And we're going to take communion.
And then we're going to sing to Jesus. Because he was a leader who sacrificed for those under his care to bring about life and joy to help us flourish. So I'm going to pray. We're going to dim the lights a little bit. And we're going to move around. It should get loud.
It should be people talking to each other, praying with each other. And then as you're ready and as you feel led, take communion to celebrate what has been offered to us in the gospel. Father, we thank you for grace. We thank you for your love that rescued us. We thank you, God, that you saved sinners, that we were not called to have it all together, to be moral, to be perfect, to lead well, to serve well, to follow well, to be able to submit to authority well, to be able to suffer well, God, that none of that plays into the grace that is poured out on us, that it is all you. God, we thank you that we can forgive and we can repent and we can confess and that we have joy offered to us and restoration offered to us and peace offered to us and freedom offered to us in the cross.
And we praise you, God, that we are heirs of your grace. In Jesus' name, amen.