The Fifth Commandment (Exodus 20:12)
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
My name is Chet I'm one of the pastors here grab a bobble and go to Exodus chapter 20. if you have one of these blue baubles in the seat in front of you it'll be page 35 we are back in the book of Exodus we took a few weeks off around Easter but we are working our way through Exodus and we've slowed down some as we've hit the lawn we've been working our way through the Ten Commandments and we have covered the.
First four and the first four Commandments to deal with our relationship to God who he is who we are how we're to relate to him how we're to worship him and that the last six Commandments deal with our relationship with each other so it's there's a vertical aspect of the Ten Commandments and there's this horizontal relational aspect of the Ten Commandments and we are in the fifth commandment today when Jesus is asked what is the greatest commandment he says love the.
Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your mind with all your strength and he says in the second is like it that you would love your neighbor as yourself on these two hang all the law and the law grows out of the Ten Commandments and the Ten Commandments is structured in that way the first four to love the Lord our God and the last six are to love our neighbor and how to do that so let's read it's the Exodus chapter 20.
Verse 12. honor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you I'm gonna read that one more time honor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you uh Lord uh let's pray together um Lord we we're thankful for the way you designed the world to work we're thankful for the way you designed families to work I know as we read this that there's much difficulty um in how did we apply this how do we live this out there's much pain in these relationships there's a lot of joy in.
These relationships and so Lord we just pray that you would help us to listen well to your word this morning grow together as we seek to submit to you and to have the blessing that comes with honoring our fathers and mothers in Jesus name amen um so we said when we first started off looking at the Ten Commandments that there are different moral foundations for uh how are we to understand what is right and what is wrong and we said that there was a book called The Righteous Mind whereas a guy who's doing clinical psychologist who was just studying this he was studying the psychology of morality and he came up with categories and we.
Said that those categories were helpful and that you see them in the Bible although they're not listed out that way in the Bible and that in general God has all the categories and then cultures focus on highlight different ones and so we showed you this chart this is Western cultures the cultures that we're in right now the categories are at the bottom care and harm fairness loyalty Authority and sanctity but we're primarily versed in trained in we know all the lyrics to care and harm and fairness we we are concerned with Justice with Equity we're concerned with does everybody get a fair shake these are things that we discuss does everybody have an equal opportunity.
These are things that we are worried about and we are worried about harming someone we know that that's immoral to harm someone we say do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt someone like we we're practiced in this but this commandment rests in authority which in general we're pretty low in if I was actually to to ask you or ask the average American to list off what are the dangers that come along with authority what are the things that are immoral and wrong that go along with authority most of us would turn this direction and talk about the abuse of authority that those who are in authority lorded over others those who are.
In Authority abuse their Authority that people are oppressed because of authority you would not have many people who would turn this direction and go the rejection of good authority is harmful we need more Authority and we need more submission to Authority imagine for a moment that you are at a child's birthday party for some of you this is not difficult to imagine you've been to four this month you raise your children and then you hang out with their friends on the weekend.
But imagine you're at a child's birthday party and you see a mother and she's wearing a shirt that says raise them kind yeah that's good that's a good way to raise your children uh uh no problem with that that's a general good concept like raise some kind you might think that's a little bold to think you need to wear that like you got to coach up all the other parents let's see how kind your kid's being but then that's just because you're a little aggressive and have some problems that's fine.
But in general it's a good statement nothing wrong with that t-shirt it's a good idea we should raise your children kind but imagine you're at the party and and that's not what her shirt says her shirt says raise them obedient now immediately we're like hmm I know that's not a mass-produced shirt so you went out of your way to make it um obedient how obedient to whom obedient why obedient all the time like we have honestly the shirt could say overthrow the government and we would give that less thought than raise them obedient and that tells you something about our culture and about our approach to understanding respecting and valuing good authority.
Because the Bible is not anti-authority it's anti-bat Authority but it's pro-good Authority it just bad things are bad and good things are good which isn't super insightful so we need to understand what what is good authority and why has God designed it this way so as we study this I think the first thing we need to see it says honor your father and your mother I think the first thing we have to ask is what does the word honor mean what is that word.
Well the word is coved and it means heavy or weighty there are a few times where it's used that way like in Genesis somebody's eyes are conveyed with age which means heavy with age they can't see well there's in Sodom gomor their sin is described as conveyed and it's translated Grievous but mostly this word is used to mean Glory honor it's mostly used the way we're supposed to treat God that we're supposed to honor God we're supposed to respect God we're supposed to approach him that he holds the weight I don't know.
If you've ever been in situations where you could tell that the room tilted to one person they were the weighty person at the table they were the weighty person in decision making people would discuss things but then they would all look to one person to like you're the person who's actually going to decide this and that's what's meant to happen with parents that they're to have weight that they're to have Glory and if that's the word that's primarily used for how we're to treat.
God you have to understand that this is learned in your relationship with your parents that they're the they set the framework they're the first people you know they're your primary relationship they set the framework for how is this ultimately going to translate into the rest of life and how's this ultimately going to translate into worshiping the Lord the second part of this that's what honor means that weightiness would shift to them I think we do need to acknowledge that in much of our culture and much of our relationships we flip this and that our children hold a lot of weight a lot of families are built around what did the kids want what do they.
Want to watch what do they want to eat what do they want to do with their time what are the kids doing our whole culture has shifted towards youth culture we are not a culture that reveres elderly people when we ought to and the Bible calls us to that but we're not a culture that does that we argue that they you know got to move out of the way make room for the next big thing we in our consumeristic culture we aim everything at like 15 to 25 year olds.
And so we have some work to do to try to learn how to apply this but the second part of this is that there's a promise it says honor your father and your mother that the days that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you and that's not just the I brought you into this world I'll snatch you out of it God's saying something more here Ephesians 6 when Paul was writing about this he says children obey your parents in the.
Lord meaning this is a Godly thing to do even as Christians we anchor it in Christ for this is right honor your father and your mother this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land there's a promise attached to this commandment and it's not simply a one-to-one promise it is generally true for each child if they learn how to do this it blesses them it helps them live long in the land it helps life go.
Well with them but it's not a specific one-to-one promise it's not like if you meet someone who's a hundred that means definitively they were excellent at obeying or if someone's life Is tragically cut short that we can be like well I guess you didn't eat all your peas at home when you're it's not how that works it's not a direct one-to-one thing it's a promise to the nation that's why he says in the land that the Lord your God is giving you that this is a blessing to the people and that makes a lot of sense your initial primary relationship is to your parents it is where you learn what relationships are like.
And so it's a Proving Ground a practice ground for what this should look like and it's bad for society when children do not learn how to respect the authority of their parents Augustine is an African Church father says if anyone fails to honor his parents is there anyone he will spare this is why it has a capital offense execution is applied in cases of rejection of authority of parents in Exodus in Leviticus and in Deuteronomy for cursing your parents striking your parents and long lifetime rejection and Rebellion against your parents all of those are capital offenses one of them actually says bring them together Stone them and let the community.
See and fear but it's not a far jump to understand that if we raise Sons who don't learn to respect authority if we raise sons who don't learn how to understand where boundaries are specifically mothers if you raise sons that don't have to listen to you and they never learn to follow a boundary set by another lady it's not a far jump to understand how that translates into society and so this is the place where we are to learn to live in relationships and there's a promise of blessing.
When we do this well that the the nation is blessed Kevin De Young Who out quite a few times because he wrote he's a pastor and wrote a book on the Ten Commandments and I thought some of his Insight was helpful he said is it not too much to say that loving your neighbor begins with Mom and Dad I think that's helpful to understand why this matters so we're going to ask three questions today we're gonna try to answer three questions.
Today how do we honor our parents how do we raise children to honor us and what do we do when our parents are dishonorable how do we honor our parents how do we raise our children to honor us and what do we do when our parents are dishonorable okay first question how do we honor our parents John Calvin says that this word honor includes three things and I think they're helpful for trying to break it out a little bit reverence obedience and gratitude.
So good handles on what should honor look like reverence obedience and gratitude reverence you show them respect you show them deference he treats them the way you would treat think of someone that like if you met the president how would you act that's the weight that's supposed to shift towards your parents some some sincere genuine honor glory weightiness reverence it means that we should watch how you speak to your parents there should be yes sirs and yes ma'ams there should be uh you shouldn't cut them off.
When they're talking you shouldn't disregard what they say you shouldn't roll your eyes you should stop and let them speak you should hear them out it should be genuine respect in how we speak to and interact with our parents you should watch how you speak not only to your parents but about your parents some of us are in a habit of dissecting our parents belittling our parents speaking ill of our parents and it's dishonoring and we need to be careful that we honor our parents there to be treated with reverence my granddad was a missionary in Nigeria and he I was at his house.
For Christmas and somebody came by and he said when did they get here I was like I think they've been here as one of my cousins and he said I miss Nigeria and I was like why he said you didn't go to a house without first presenting yourself to the Baba and you didn't leave a house without presenting yourself to the Baba and he's like I don't like people just being in my house they need to come present themselves to me and culturally we don't have a lot of that.
But we need to figure out as Christians how to how to build in respect and deference to our parents so reverence obedience do what they tell you to do this is specifically most clear for the children that live at home with your parents right now when they ask you questions like will you sweep it's not really a question you just say yes not no thank you when they say go do this you go do it it shouldn't be a labored discussion you should obey and you should obey.
When you're asked to do something yes ma'am yes sir you should um no huffing no stomping no eye rolling no groaning it shouldn't be hey I need you to go do this and you go foreign that's irreverent dishonoring you are to obey now immediate American question is what are the limits on obedience what if I'm getting older what are the like how much do I obey that's great for I'm glad you said that to my kids but me obey I'm older how do I do that in relation to my parents I will say I think Kevin young has a helpful Point here.
So I'm going to read his quote he said parents should not expect the same obedience from grown children as they did when their children were young so for those of you who have grown children you can't call them up and say hey my pastor said obey your parents clean your room quit that job I hate break up with that person I dislike and come back here like you can't it's not going to be exactly that he says we see a Divine Design in Genesis that.
Jesus later reiterates in Matthew 19. a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two will become one flesh there is a making of your own household that loosens the obedience but you still have to operate in the honor category and I will submit to you that because that is often our first question it is not something we are in drastic danger of what I mean is I don't think there's many people in this room who have become adults and think I just got to learn how to not immediately directly obey everything my parents tell me to do that's the thing I have a problem with I would submit.
To you that you actually need to begin heading in the other direction and start showing more honor and obedience to your adult parents in a gracious way because we don't celebrate that culturally but there is a need for some of that even as you are older in a way to show deference and honor to your parents it's difficult should be carried out with wisdom but it is a way to honor our parents even as we grow older and as they grow older.
Third one gratitude be thankful y'all I have two sons and I'm not exaggerating that I have literally not figuratively saved their lives thousands of times sometimes multiple times in the same day should I wear a cape probably but this is parenting you are here because your parents literally not figuratively saved your lives thousands of times mostly what your parents did we're going to talk about some mistakes and some sins we'll talk about that in a little while but for most of us mostly what your parents did just try their best feed you clothe you help you go to school sought to help you succeed in life gave you counsel that you disliked.
Because they like you told you things you did not want to hear because they love you mostly what your parents did was lose their hair give up their waistline give up their money give up their time so that you could exist as a real person in the world and they need to be told thank you they need to be treated with some appreciation and gratitude and for those of you who live at home with your parents everybody can make a phone call.
Today everybody can set up a meal everybody can just say how I want to talk a little bit I want to check in and see how things are going everybody can do that potentially but for those of you who live at home with your parents you will have multiple opportunities this very day to say thank you because I'm willing to bet that your parents go out of their way quite often to help your life be better it's quite possible when you get home there will be food there will be some clothes there will be parents they're genuinely trying to help you enjoy life and succeed in life and there will be many opportunities.
For you to just say thank you they fix a meal that you don't like well guess what they still fed you so you don't have to say I don't like this meal you can say thank you for cooking yeah you can show gratitude for the care that has offered you and we ought to so how do we honor our parents reverence obedience and gratitude next question how do we raise our children to honor us if your children are going to obey their parents.
If they're going to honor their parents they're going to be taught to do this by their parents because you teach them everything you do this all the time and so you have to understand that this is a thing that you ought to be teaching them for their good the reason you do this is not because they will annoy you if you don't that's just a perk it's not the reason the reason you do this is because you want them to to live.
Well and long in the land you want them to have joy you want them to have life that's the whole thing that you're doing all the time with your children is you're working for their good and so this has to be added as a category of a thing that you're going to help them do and we're not set up well as Americans to do this because the wielding of authority makes you feel uncomfortable potentially there's a potential for you to feel like I just feel.
So bossy I feel so demanding I feel like I'm just in my child's way we've been trained by our culture that what your job as a parent to do is to help your child blossom into the person they're going to be help them find themselves almost in some ways they're perfect on their own you just kind of get out of their way we're taught that your parents mess you up they don't help you y'all we're Christians we know that's nonsense if your child figures out who they are on their own we know what that is a sinner.
Look at little Timmy he's blossomed into a real jerk well I'm glad God gave him some parents somebody needs to help him out because on their own they're not just going to find every good and perfect way that God has designed for them to be some good authority in their life and so you need to understand that this is one of the roles that you occupy and you do this naturally with other things you're you're doing this all the time with your children you're helping them know what is right and what is wrong what is good and what is not and you need to understand that part of that is that they would honor.
Respect you and that's not prideful it's good for them so this is how we oh I want there's four C's we're gonna talk about I'm going to say them to you quickly and then we'll get into running through them fairly quickly as well you need consistency this is four keys to helpfully trying to train your children to honor and to respect to obey consistency correction consequences and celebration the last one could be reward but then it wouldn't be four C's so you're welcome four C's all right here's what we often do in parenting this is what parenting should.
Look like sorry Freedom should increase with age when your children are little when they're first born they have no choices whatsoever the older they get they should have more choices but two and three and four-year-olds should have very limited choices do you want to go to bed now or do you want to read a book first and then go to bed do you want to eat green beans or corn these are do you want this haircut or this haircut you want me to tighten it up or shave it all off those are the choices I give my sons like what you got some limited choices sometimes they have no choices at all eat this I.
Don't like this no that's incorrect you're supposed to say thank you sometimes they have no choices I give this choice to my children quite a lot when we went out to restaurants I would say you can calm down and eat your food with a good attitude or we can go outside I will spank you and then we will come back inside and you will calm down and eat your food with a good attitude which would you like to do and I had someone tell me one time we left and they said that was really manipulative and I said no it was not those were his actual choices he had no.
Third option and I'm trying to help him learn how to choose well but over time we increase the freedom The Hope being that when it's time to leave our house they're ready they know how to make choices we've helped get them there we've helped them think through that but here's what happens quite often is this chart we start off no rules let them just figure it out because a defiant three-year-old is cute they're a rascal a defiant little mischievous four-year-old in some way.
So many ways is precious because they can't they can't really harm you they can't really harm the people around them they can be aggravating and frustrating but you love them and so often as a parent you're just like oh well you know but the problem is at 10 11 12 13 14 those cute behaviors of rebellion and Defiance and disrespect are not cute they are dangerous and you freak out and you clamp down well then no phone no no you bring the hammer down and it doesn't go.
Well and your problem is not a new problem you say what is going on with them it's like this has been going on for 12 years so we don't want this chart if you're there by God's grace you can labor well but the Hope being that we would have the other chart so let's go through really quickly consistency all that means is do the same thing all the time all the time all the time isn't that tiring yes it is exhausting that you have to have the same rules all the time whether you are tired or they are tired whether you have eaten and whether they have eaten like these are these have to be.
The same all the time otherwise they don't know where the boundaries are it's a good way to make somebody psychotic you've got to have some good structure on this is what this looks like all the all the all the time I uh my when my oldest son was three and four I'd wake up in the morning stretch lace my shoes up because I was about to fight a three-year-old for 12 hours he was not easy there's a there's a quote from Jurassic Park.
When they're talking to the game warden and they ask are the Velociraptors smart and he goes oh they're smart and he looks at him and he says they were testing the fences for weaknesses systematically and they remember that was my four-year-old so the fence had to be there every day all the time and I would just look at him and go it hadn't moved like we're gonna you want to keep running into it it's the same thing but it has to stay.
So you need consistent correction you correct your children all the time you say things like no that's not green that's blue no that no that's not a cat that's a dog you you already all the time correcting your children one of the things you have to put in there is that you correct them on disrespect you say to them I have my oldest son at times will just come in hot with a question he'll start off with okay but why did I say stop I'll say try again I'm your daddy you want to talk to Ellis like that go.
For it or I'll say oh boy who are you talking to he'll say mama and I'll go okay no you ain't not like that sometimes I say who are you talking to and he'll go Ellis I'm gonna carry on but you're just correct you just said that's not no no that's not how you respond like I'm telling you I give my boys food and they'll say I don't like this and I'll say no that's incorrect that's not how you respond when someone gives you food.
Because you want people to feed you and you're dependent on other people to feed you what do you say when people give you food thank you there you go you nailed it and it's just correction because you expect that they're going to have to operate in a way because you're working towards their joy that you're going to train them up to understand how to live a life where there's Authority because I y'all your world is a fake little world where you have to mimic some of the real world things.
Because you're going to send them out into the real world if you don't train your children how to interact with people all the people in their life who do not love them will teach them and they will teach them by not being their friend they will teach them by being really mean to them every teacher they have will stare at them with this angry look every face they meet people won't want to watch I've explained to my boys before if you don't learn how to.
Listen to me your granddad won't take you fishing and he won't tell you he's not taking you fishing but he'll think Hmm should I take them fishing and then he'll think no because they're the most aggravating children in the world and he won't call you up and say this to you you just won't get invited and he loves you and I love you and I want you to get to go fishing so do what I'm telling you to you coach them up that's the whole point.
Okay consequences should be consistent consequences and celebration this is very simple good behavior should get good results and bad behavior should get bad results that's it and you just need to think through was this a good behavior how does it get a good result was this a bad behavior has a bad result and you have to do that all the time so the thing that I said about the restaurants that's true I've done that with both of my sons because I want us to be able to go eat at restaurants it's one of my wife and I favorite things.
If we get more disposable income we just eat more y'all but that's it and so I want to be able to eat at the restaurant and they'll terrorize me so if they throw a fit at a restaurant and I pick him up and take him outside and let him play in the grass guess who's going to throw a fit at the restaurant again because he got a reward if you've ever watched me taking a child out of a restaurant who was screaming they're already screaming I'm pinching their leg.
So that you can't see you just think he's throwing a fit on his own he is not enjoying the walk outside because I don't want him to think that this is a good thing to have happen I'll pinch his leg real hard but just enough to like us uncomfortable I'm not trying to harm him it's just got to be a negative consequence we get outside we talk often they get popped we bring them back I've done this I've ruined whole meals like this.
Because I don't want every meal ruined and I want them to learn this isn't a good behavior there's a there's a better one so there should be consequences and you should have them and know what they are you should have set ones your children should know what they are I was hanging out uh was one of the first times I ever met this guy who ends up he ended up joining our community group and his daughters were there and they were doing something he told them to stop and they said they kept on he looked at him and said do you want a consequence and they both went like this one no sir I didn't.
Know what the consequence was but they knew what the consequence was I asked him later he said sometimes he just uses the word consequence so it gives him time to make up what it's going to be which I thought was brilliant he doesn't like signing himself up for something he's going to have to stick to in the moment so he just says consequence and he'll figure it out later but they knew there was going to be one and that's all I'm saying is you've got to figure out real consequences that actually translate help them understand that's the whole point.
Because there are real life consequences to all the things they're going to do for example if I tell you to sit down and you don't sit down or if I tell you to come to me and you don't come to me there's going to be a consequence and I try to explain to my sons one day we're going to be in a parking lot and I'm going to say stop and if we haven't practiced this a thousand times in our house you're going to get hit by a truck and I don't want you to get hit by a truck.
So you're going to get hit a little bit at my house with my hand popped just a little so that there's a deterrent so that we don't ever get there and that's that's what I'm talking about and for you it may be time out for you it's just got to be real to them that's all right greater consequences for defiance and Rebellion if you saw your son I came in the other day I saw my younger son holding some of the sharpest tweezers I've ever seen in my entire life and he was near his brother's face I have no clue what they were doing.
But on the off chance it was eye surgery I walked in I saw that I went hey no you know sometimes you just make noises at your children because you don't have words or the words you have aren't good ones to shout foreign hands up put the tweezers down and to do that because the risk levels through the roof well I at one point had to explain to my wife I said hey I've realized something I'm going to have to crank up the intensity on some of the things with our children it's not.
Because I've lost my cool or I'm enraged it's because what they're doing needs to be met in their mind with the same amount of intensity because it's got the same amount of problems coming down the line one of my sons turns and yells at his mother no I am up out of my chair boy if you lost your mind because I want him to understand this same level of this is not okay I need them to do like this for just a.
Second and then we get to the next part which is celebration your house if it's going to have consistent correction and consequences it needs consistent celebration it needs to be a place of Joy that's what you want so good things need good results you need to celebrate I often after disciplining my children well then I'll hold them I say look I love you I want good things for you I'm not out to get you I want our home to be a happy place I'll tell them all the time after they get disciplined I say.
Look we're going back out there and we're reset this isn't going to hang over our head all day this is a fun place this is Joy here y'all if I I learned I used to look at my little babies and I'd be like you're gonna eat that food because they fight you over every little thing and then they would eat it and I would just stare at them like you turn right you're gonna eat the food and I realized that was.
So messed up it just did what I asked so they eat it and then I go good yeah yeah multiple occasions with my son I've said do you want to leave the restaurant go get spanked you want to calm down and eat your own food and they go calm down and eat my own food and I go that's how would it be I'm proud of you that's brilliant do that because it's the truth there ought to be times where you brag on your children make it a rule don't speak negatively about your children in front of your children speak positively about your children in front of your children brag on them to your spouse do.
You know what he did do you know how good he is you can watch them swell up when you're going to rehearse something with them rehearse what they're going to do that's good I'll put them in bed at night instead of just saying if you get out of bed again and run down the hall you're going to get popped what I'll say is hey you're going to do a really good job tonight you're going to lay in bed you're gonna calm down you're going to go to sleep we're gonna have an enjoyable night this is the moment that's going to end our night this hug you're not going to have to get bopped we're going.
To build in that direction but there should be celebration sometimes it's a high five sometimes it's a smile sometimes it's ice cream you pick sometimes it's an extra book at night or whatever sometimes it's uh they get to go on a trip if they're older kids you get to do I know most of my illustrations are I got all illustrations up to eight I'll get them more as I go over time but you think about it what's a real celebration what's a real way to honor this what's a real way.
Because y'all it's not bribery it's how the world works bad behavior gets bad results good behavior gets good results and you want to train that one last one I know we got a lot of parents with smaller children one of the rules at my house is if you pout or cry or throw a fit you don't get whatever you were pouting crying or throwing a fit for that's just simply that I don't want to train you that in order to be happy you have to be miserable it's a weird psychological thing.
So we just learned you can be okay without getting the thing you want and if you throw a fit for it you won't get it but those sort of rules you design your own they're your children they just should have consistent things because we love them and God has designed for them to have a family we have Isaac and Spencer worked really hard to get a road map for parenting that is designed off of the age of your children things you should be talking to them about things they should know about.
Jesus it's on our website you should use that you need all the help you can get we all do and you should help train your children to love you to respect and honor you both mother and father specifically to dads don't get in a situation where you may get a point of Pride that your children listen to you and they don't listen to their mother don't do that you help design a household where they listen to their mother as well because they're supposed to honor both their.
Father and mother and their needs training in them okay yeah what do we do when our parents are dishonorable God by Design on purpose made it to where your parents have great weight in your life and parents that's a that's a heavy weight you need to understand for your children he by design made it to where what you do and say matters and that's good when it's good and that's bad when it's bad it's like when you go to take a test and this one's 50 of your grade.
For the whole semester that's kind of how parenting works it's parents have a lot of impact on their children and so for some of us that means that there were things that our parents did for most of us there are things that our parents did that were hurtful stuck with us changed how we thought about ourselves changed how we understood our place in the world some in this room had truly genuinely horrific parents then when I was saying earlier that mostly what they did was care.
For you that that wasn't even true and I'm sorry because that was not God's good design but we live in a fallen world if that's on this end even as you come back this way all of us have things that our parents did that they said that they did and they responded our parents are sinners who made mistakes who had lapses of judgment for for many of you your parents might have had you when they were quite young and just figuring it out some of you might have had parents that weren't Christians or became Christians later in life some of us had parents who had addiction issues anxiety issues problems with how they treated.
Spoke to people like did we grew up in difficult situations so what do we do for those who are currently at home with parents like this or for when you're thinking through how you to understand obedience in those sort of situations I want to read as we first start looking at this I want to read a quote from Kevin De Young he says are there limits to honoring parents in a word yes Authority can be abused in Acts chapter 5 we.
See a principle that has to do with governments but also parents Church leadership and any other authority over us if the choice is between obeying God or obeying Men We obey God if you're com if your parents command you to do what God forbids or forbid what God commands you cannot and must not obey your parents I'm going to read that again if your parents command you to do what God forbids or forbid what God commands you cannot and must not obey your parents.
But even in those hopefully rare cases there's still a way to be respectful and honor your parents even if they are asking something of you that they don't have the authority to ask yes there is a limit to obedience but as we follow this command we are all called to honor to show respect which is extremely painful to consider in some cases and what I would like to submit to you is that you cannot do this outside of Christ but in Christ we can do something that is radically counter-cultural we can honor parents who do not deserve it which does not translate it is not a conclusion you will come to in our culture.
But it is a conclusion that we can come to and something that we can operate in as Christians in a way that is counter-culturally brings great glory to Christ displays the love of the father and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit you see often we are trained culturally to dissect our parents to play up their weaknesses and the things they did to harm us and to understand that those have changed us in an immutable way that we are forever marked by what they did.
But as Christians we understand that Christ changes us that he renews us that he covers not only the things that we've done but the things that have been done to us and that we get to be made new in light of his goodness and we do not have to be forever marked forever stained forever held captive to what has happened to us and that is a glorious reality in Christ and from that position of being renewed from the position of being adopted with a good.
Father who loves us the way a father ought to we get to do something that only can be done in Christ we get to prayerfully by the empowerment of the spirit extend forgiveness and Grace and honor and the reason that can only be done in Christ is because it can't be done in you can say all the time I just don't have the ability to do this and that's right I can't forgive them that's right not on your own not in your power and it can't be done in them.
Because they don't deserve it so if it's about you or if it's about them it won't work there's no way to do it but if it gets to be anchored in Christ the love of the Father the empowerment of the spirit then there gets to be Grace and forgiveness and by God's grace Lord willing some of us will get to lead our parents who deserve great condemnation we'll get to lead them to Christ Who Bore great condemnation so that Sinners could be justified and the only way to do that is in his goodness and in his grace.
And so by God's will and by his empowerment we can be people who honor our parents and raise children to honor us through the Gospel let's pray God we thank you for our parents we thank you for the role that you designed for them to play we thank you for all the moms and the dads in this room who have so often failed and so often succeeded we thank you for the role that you've given them we pray that they would take it seriously that they would walk in the grace that you provide we pray specifically.
Lord for those this morning who do not have a good relationship with their parents that you would help them to First have a good relationship with you that they would know the grace provided them in Christ that they would know the love of the father that they would know the comfort of the spirit and that they then then by the empowerment of the spirit might begin to work to learn how to walk this out in a difficult situation we love you and we praise you in.
Jesus name amen the band's going to come back up and we are going to sing together I know that some of you are in a difficult spot with your parents I know that some of you are in a difficult spot with your children and we would be happy as your pastors to help you think and help you pray and help you process so I would invite you to go on to our website to the care forum and fill it out and we can get something set up with you love y'all.