Wisdom and Parenting (Proverbs 3:1-8, 11-12)
Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.
Transcript
Of the gospel. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Well, good morning. It's good to see you. Good to see you all this morning.
Grab your Bibles. Go to Proverbs chapter 3. My name is Chet. I'm one of the pastors here. We are working our way through the book of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs is a bit different from other books in the scriptures.
It is a lot of proverbial sayings, a lot of collections of wisdom. And as we go through this, we're going to take some things topically where we just kind of say, okay, what does the Proverbs have to say about this subject? Because they're all over the place. So usually when we work through a book, we're working through verse by verse, line by line. If you did that in the Proverbs, you'd be all over the place. And so we're trying to collect some wisdom together to look at it.
It's also a very practical book. Rather than just dealing with the theology of who God is and what he's done or kind of telling us history of God in the world, it's saying in general, this is how God has designed the world to work. It's dealing with what is most likely to happen. There are always exceptions to the rule, but the book of Proverbs is giving the general rules in a lot of ways. It's saying this is kind of how life is meant to work. And most often, this is how it will play out.
And therefore, it's a very practical book. It says in light of who God is, here's what we do. So this morning, we're going to talk about parenting. We're going to see what the book of Proverbs has to say about parenting. Now, even as we begin that, I need to address some different people in the room. Some of you are parents.
You're parents of children of all different ages. We have parents who have adult children that have moved out. And as we talk through this, there may be some areas where you feel pride or shame. And I would encourage you to continue to believe the gospel, which is that your shame is real. Your pride is real. And both of them are to be taken to the cross.
And so that we would walk away from our pride and trust the Lord. And we would walk away from shame and guilt that we feel and trust the Lord. Some of you don't have children. You might be tempted to check out. But as we see this, as we walk through this, we're actually going to see that looking at parenting gives us a good understanding of how God treats us.
And how God interacts with those who belong to him. And so it's helpful for all of us. Some of you are parents. And so I would encourage you to listen and to listen well and to humble yourselves to try to hear what the Proverbs have to say. And all of us may be tempted to go, I'm so glad these other people are here. So that they can learn about how to raise their children.
And just so you know, that will be a temptation throughout the book of Proverbs for you to go, good. Look around the room. Are we talking about women? Okay, yeah, here we go. Good. Like, that's bad for your soul.
That's what Pharisees do. Pharisees hear the word of God and think about how it applies to other people rather than how it applies to them. And so I would encourage you to fight that. But we're going to look at parenting today from the Proverbs. We're going to spend most of our time in chapter 3, but we will jump around and we'll put those on the screen. I remember my first son was born six years ago.
You go to the hospital. You have the baby. I mean, I don't. But I was there. Still traumatizing experience for me. Then they just give you the baby and send you home like you're ready to take care of this thing.
There's no real instructions other than don't shake it. And that's it. They make you watch a video, sign a certificate, and they just send you home. And it's stressful. I remember going to the grocery store and just feeling overwhelmed that we had to take this thing and keep it safe and help it grow. And I just was in the grocery store and I just remember walking around and being like, I don't know if I can handle this.
And then I just began to look at the people around me and I thought, well, they all used to be babies. And they made it. I looked at one guy and I was like, I bet his parents were idiots. Wasn't really based off of what he looked like, but I was really tired. I was just making myself feel better. But the truth is, children grow up.
And that's part of what the Proverbs wants us to see. That you are training and equipping and helping them grow into something. And whether you're doing this intentionally or unintentionally, you're doing this. You're training, equipping them, turning them into something. And so the Proverbs is going to help us know how to go about this. What we're supposed to train them into.
What we're supposed to pull them into. And then some basic practical tips on as we do this. Some tools to help us do it. So let's pray and then we'll look at this together. God, we thank you that your word gives us wisdom here. There are a lot of competing bits of wisdom when it comes to how to raise children.
From what we read to what people have told us. To what we see other families doing. To what our moms and dads and grandparents tell us that we ought to do. Or that they did with us. And we just pray, Lord, as we study the word. That we would grow in practical wisdom on how to parent.
And that we would grow in a gracious understanding of how you treat us. Through Christ. Through Christ. In love. As you father us. And so we thank you and we praise you in Jesus' name.
Amen. Proverbs 3 says, My son, do not forget my teaching. But let your heart keep my commandments. For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. So we're kind of looking sideways at this.
There are going to be some direct commands to parents. But right now we're just looking at a parent addressing a son and saying, Don't forget my teaching. Let your heart keep my commandments. And there's a basic assumption here that I think we need to address. The Proverbs believe that children have parents for a reason. I watched a bit of a nature documentary.
And there were these eggs that hatched and these lizards popped out. And they had like 10 seconds to orient themselves to the world before snakes were trying to eat them. That was it. 10 seconds. Hope you like the world. Put your big boy pants on.
Time to go. I told you this a second ago. But I have a child that we've had for 6 years. He's not even remotely close to ready. That lizard had 10 seconds. But the reason God gives children to parents on purpose.
Children need parents. They need teaching and commandment. They need training. There's this current philosophy that you have an inner child. That you were born pure and good. And that the world messed you up.
Your parents messed you up. Society messed you up. People imposed things on you. And so that the role of parents now is to protect the child. But then to stay out of the child's way.
To help the child find themselves. And blossom into whatever they're going to be. Well Proverbs tells us what they're going to be. Fools. Proverbs 22 15 says. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child.
But the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 29 15 says. The rod and reproof. To a form of corporal punishment. And we'll get to that later. And reproof.
Which is verbal correction. Give wisdom. But a child left to himself. Bring shame to his mother. That we are to train and equip. Proverbs 22 6 says.
Train up a child. In the way he should go. Even when he's old. He will not depart from it. That we're to train children. That we're to be taking them somewhere.
That we're to be equipping them. And moving them in a direction. That they need help to get there. And then it says this. We're to train them. We're to help develop them.
And send them out. That they need parents for a reason. And then it says that they may go. That part of the purpose behind parenting. Is that your children would go. And some of you have teenagers.
And you're like yes and amen. Go. My mom said the Lord made teenagers annoying on purpose. So that you'd be ready for them to leave. No need for amens on that. Just keep it to yourself.
But that part of what we're doing in parenting. Is equipping and training them to go. We're helping them grow. I went with my dad to his. He was in his garden. And he was showing me what he had planted.
And he said. This is lettuce. Those tomatoes. Those cucumbers. He didn't say. That's a little green thing.
That's a little. Some sort of leafy green thing. That's a leafy green thing. They were. There was no cucumbers or tomatoes there. There was going to be cucumbers and tomatoes there.
But he knew. What he was growing. And so some of us need to realize. I have. I have a three-year-old. And a six-year-old.
Little boys. I'm not raising little boys. I have little boys. I'm raising men. I'm helping equip and train them. To send them out into the world.
So there's a little chart that. I drew up. I hope this is helpful. This chart is not a joke. You have responsibility on this side. The blue line is the parent.
The red line is the child. And this is time. At the very beginning of life. The parent has all the responsibility. Or 90% of the responsibility. Like when they're first born.
The parent is solely responsible for the life of this child. I have a. I have a two and a half year old. Three year old. He every once in a while go. Ma.
Milk. Okay. He cannot go to the store and purchase milk. He cannot. Once we've done this. Get it out of the refrigerator.
If I got the thing out of the refrigerator. And handed it to him. He could not pour it into a cup. Most of the responsibility is on us. The one bit of responsibility we've given him. Is repeat after me.
May I please. Have some milk. Because ma. Milk. Isn't getting milk. But then.
We keep going. The child gets a little bit older. And you start. The child has more responsibility. More ability to make decisions. Maybe they still have a bedtime.
And maybe. They get to choose kind of their haircut. But it's inside of a range. They get to choose. Kind of how they're going to dress. But.
No young lady. You are not leaving the house in that outfit. She found a guard rail. There was something you'd put up. That was like. No.
We've reached the level. Where my responsibility comes back in. And no thank you. Go back upstairs. Like. But you're equipping.
And training them. So that when they become. When it's time to send them out. It keeps going. But by the time it's time to send them out.
They're ready. They have the responsibility. To handle going out. Now some of you. You've been in life. You've seen this.
You watched parents. Who gave way too much responsibility. To the child. Way too early. 10 and 11 year olds. Getting to make.
Too many decisions. And there's foolishness. In their heart. And so they're making. The decisions. That a 10 and 11 year old.
Would make. And we've also seen. Parents who. Held on to this. Way too long. So that they had someone.
That they had been. Completely responsible for. Until it was like. 17, 18. And they sent him out. Into the world.
And that person. Had never had. The ability to make. All these decisions. And it was. It was too much.
Another way to think about this. Is. You're always walking. The tension between. Safe and strong. Am I making my child safe.
Or am I making my child strong. You start off. Leaning real hard. On safe. But by the time.
You're sending them out. You need to have made them strong. And so this is. General. We're training them up. So that they might.
Go. It keeps going. He says. Verse 3. Let not steadfast love. And faithfulness.
Forsake you. Bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God.
And man. I love verse 4. So that you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God. And man.
He started off with. Remember my teaching. And my commandment. Remember the coaching I gave you. The things that I taught you. About the world.
And remember the rules I gave you. The commandments I gave you. The structure we put around you. And then he gets to here and says. Or she does. We don't know.
It just says my son. So you will find favor. And good success. In the sight of God and man. Oh I hope that's true. For how I raise my sons.
I hope I can look at them. And say hey. If you follow what I told you. If you listen to me. And the rules. And the commands I gave you.
And the wisdom I gave you. You'll find favor. And good success. In the sight of God. And man. That the purpose behind parenting.
As we train and equip them. Is for their good. Parents this is important. It's not for your good. It's not for what's easiest right now. That often is in direct contradiction.
To what is good for the child. It's not for what I most like. So whether or not they're embarrassing me. Or getting on my nerves. It's what is good for them. That if they follow this.
They'll have favor with God. And man. Let's look. At the favor with God part. The favor with man part first. The favor with God comes first.
We're going to spend a little more time on it. But we're going to do the favor with man first. There's this idea. That you would go and have favor with man. Part of the reason you're raising your children. Is you want them to be able to go keep a job.
Have relationships. Communicate clearly to people. Have boundaries. Be able to have real friendships. That can last through something. Learn how to argue.
Learn how to control their anger. You want them to have favor. And good success with humanity. This does not mean. That they would base their whole life off. Of whether or not people like them.
You're not teaching them. That the approval of people around them. Is what they set their hope on. But you are teaching them. To live around other humans. That's part of what we're supposed to do.
There's a clinical psychiatrist. We're going to read two quotes from him today. His name is Jordan Peterson. And he's just approaching this. Very practical. His philosophy behind parenting.
Is you help them fit into society. And I think this quote is helpful. He says this. He says. You shouldn't have a ton of rules for your children. But here are some suggestions on things you should teach them.
Do not bite. Kick. Or hit. Except in self-defense. Do not torture and bully other children. So you don't end up in jail.
Eat in a civilized and thankful manner. So that people are happy to have you at their house. And pleased to feed you. Learn to share. So other kids will play with you.
Pay attention when spoken to by adults. So that they don't hate you. And might therefore deign to teach you something. Go to sleep properly and peaceably. So that your parents can have a private life.
And not resent your existence. Take care of your belongings. Because you need to learn how. And because you're lucky to have them. Be good company when something fun is happening. So you're invited for the fun.
Act or behave. So that other people are happy you're around. So that people will want you around. He says a child who knows these rules. Will be welcome everywhere. Now the responsibility of that.
Is on the parent. Not the child. And part of the way you're gracious to your child. Is that you train them. So that the rest of the world smiles at them.
And enjoys them. Because it's not a child's fault. If everybody in their life looks at them like this. Because they hadn't been taught. You want to send them out into the world. Where you've equipped them.
To be able to fit in. Now that's not the sole goal. But that's a helpful thought. That you would help move them. Into a world where they can have favor with God. And man as they get older.
This is learning how to keep a job. Learning how to work. Learning how to labor. Learning how to keep your mouth shut. Learning when to speak. When not to speak.
Learning not to domineer a conversation. You're helping train and equip them. Which takes constant teaching. And correction. It takes commandments and wisdom. Which means you need to know wisdom.
As parents we need to grow. So that what we're teaching our children. Makes sense and is helpful. Is biblical and godly. He says this. He says that you'd have favor with God.
And man. He keeps going. He says trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him. And he will make your.
Make straight your path. This idea that you would have favor with God. That you would know God. That you would enjoy God. That he would bless and work in your life. And he says trust in him.
With all your heart. See as parents. You need to know the Lord. So that this just pours out of you. So that you can say with credibility.
Trust in the Lord. Lean not on your own understanding. Because they've seen this. Enacted and lived out. That's what Deuteronomy 6 gets at. Where it says that.
When you rise in the morning. When you sit down to eat. When you walk in the way. When you go to bed. That you would teach your children. About the Lord.
That it would be the normal part of life. That it wouldn't be set aside. For a certain part of the day. Yes you can have intentional time. Where you set aside. We're going to read a Bible story.
We're going to talk. We're going to pray together. But that you would so know the Lord. That this pours out of you. As you walk in life with them. That you would train them.
To trust in the Lord. With all their heart. That they might grow to love the Lord. And isn't this what you would want. As a Christian parent. That you would walk with your children.
And help easily transition them. Into walking with the Lord. That that would be the hope. Now again. This doesn't always work out. The way we want it.
That train of the child. And the way they should go. And when they're old. They won't depart from it. As a general rule. It's something to be aimed at.
But it doesn't necessarily work out that way. We also get in the Proverbs. That fools don't listen to their parents. So the parent was saying stuff. The father was giving instruction. But they wouldn't hear it.
But this is the hope. It says. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord. And turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh.
And refreshment to your bones. Do you model that for your children? That you're not wise in your own eyes. That you fear the Lord. And that you turn away from evil. That you turn away from sin.
That you repent in your sin. And that you help walk them towards the Lord. Jump down to verse 11. It says. My son. Do not despise the Lord's discipline.
Or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves. As the father, the son, in whom he delights. There's this picture of the way God treats us. And the way parents are to treat their children. I don't know if you know this.
But parents. You work as a functional stand in for God. Your children cannot understand the concept of God. When they are young. They are growing. You are trying to teach them.
But you are functionally standing in that place. So that they can understand this. And if you have grown older. And you have begun to follow the Lord. You know this. Because some of you had very distant.
Cold. Aggressive fathers. Distant. Cold. Aggressive mothers. And it was hard to pray to the Lord.
It was hard to understand how he would react to you in your sin. Some of you had overly encouraging parents. And it was hard to see how God could be strict against sin. When you had been taught that freedom was the primary goal of life. And we had to grow in this. But the hope as parents is that we would walk with the Lord.
And walk with our children. That we would hold their hand until it was time to hand their hand to Jesus. And then we'd be able to say like this one says. Go. And if you follow the Lord this will be good. But it says the Lord reproves those whom he loves.
The way a father does a son he delights in. God's correction of you. Don't miss this. God's correction and conviction of you is because he loves you. Thank God he loves you enough. To not let you feel okay with your sin.
To press you on it. To tell you to repent. And to when you won't repent. Get you caught. Because he loves and pursues delight. So he says don't despise the Lord's discipline.
Or be weary of his reproof. And those are two tools. This idea of correction and guidance. That parents have an idea of where they're taking their children. And that we're walking with them in correction and guidance. And so I want to see.
That's our goal. To have children that grow up. Love the Lord. And exist in the world well. That's a good basic goal. That they have favor and good success with God and man.
That you're taking them to that place. Where they're ready to do that. And the way that you get there. Is discipline and reproof. Correction. Teaching.
Commandment. Discipline does not just mean the negative side of it. It does not just mean. A switch. It also means the general guardrails. And the general structure of life.
That helps pull somebody in the right direction. So we're going to spend the next little bit of our time. If that's the goal. We're going to look at some of the tools. And some of the ways that this is supposed to work. So godly discipline has direction.
We've been talking about this. But that's a general rule that you need to understand. If you're going to raise children with godly discipline. You have direction. You have something you're working them towards. And you have things you're working them away from.
And in some ways. There's a map towards good relationship to the Lord. Good relationship in the world. Able to exist and function in the world. And you're trying to cut off certain avenues. To help get them that way.
It's intentional for their good. This is what God's doing. Where he corrects us and pulls us towards good. And so you need to have a general idea. If you have daughters. Of what a godly woman looks like.
A general picture in your mind. Of what life should look like for them. What they need to be prepared for in the world. How they need to act. And you need to gain a lot of this from scripture. And you can gain this from wisdom from people around you.
But then you help. This is where I'm trying to take you. If you have sons. What do godly men look like? What do they need to be prepared to do? And to handle?
Where are we going? And you can do short term ones. One of the basic. Very basic beginning steps here. Is that good behavior gets good results. And bad behavior gets bad results.
That's how life works. But that's a really good simple rule. For your understanding of how to interact with your children. Especially small children. But on up.
Good behavior gets good results. Bad behavior gets bad results. I want my family to be able to go eat in restaurants. Which means. The first three to five times. You take a child to a restaurant.
It is no fun at all. Not fun for anybody. But we're going to get to where we can go eat in a restaurant. So let me give you an example. Good behavior gets good results. Bad behavior gets bad results.
You have a child that's functioning like a terrorist. In a high chair. It's really what they're doing. They're going to see who's going to win. And just so you all know. And this just gives you encouragement.
Parents with young children. 30 minutes to you. Is like a week and a half to a toddler. You can win. They're going to give out eventually. And they may just fall asleep.
But you can win this. But if you have a child that's in a high chair. And they're throwing a fit. And they're screaming and hollering or whatever. And you're getting embarrassed. Because you brought a child here to now.
Not only terrorize your family. But everybody who's in this restaurant. Which I would encourage you to start out at McDonald's. Because you're getting what you pay for at McDonald's. Go to McDonald's. Go to Taco Bell.
Teach a kid how to sit in a high chair. Don't go to, you know. Downtown to like Ruth's Chris or something. If I take the child out of the high chair. And outside while they're screaming. And then set them down.
And let them run around in the grass. That is a reward. I just taught the child. If you're in a high chair. And you don't want to be. Scream.
And you'll get a reward. So if I pick a child up. And we're going outside. That's going to be unpleasant for that child. I want them to learn. The high chair is better.
And I talk to them. And explain that we're going back in there. They're going to sit back down. They're going to calm themselves down. And we're going to enjoy our meal. And yes.
You talk to children that can't talk. They understand way more of what's going on. Before they're able to articulate things. So you explain to them. You go back in. You set them back in the chair.
And I do this over and over again. Until finally they learn. There's never a time where I go out there. And it gets delightful. And so that's a sample. But you do this.
You have a picture of where you're going. I can remember being young. I was like 11 or something. And I think it was a roller coaster. I know I was freaking out about something. I didn't want to do.
And I had gotten scared. And I was just like. I can't. I don't know. I can't. I can't do this.
And my dad. He didn't grab me and say. Roller coasters are fun. You need to be able to learn how to ride a roller coaster. He didn't look at me and say. This is fine.
If you're scared. You can stop. Now I'm sure some parents have done that. And I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm saying my dad had a picture in his head. Of where he was taking me.
And he did this my entire life. He grabbed me and looked at me. And said. Let me explain something to you. Are you scared? Yes.
Okay. Well you have to learn how to control yourself. In the midst of your fear. Because one day. You're going to have a family. And you're going to have children.
You're going to wake up in the middle of the night. And your house is going to be on fire. And you're going to be scared. Now are you going to freak out. And say I can't handle this. Or are you going to go save your children?
I rode that roller coaster. I rode that roller coaster. To save my future unborn children. Now am I a hero? Maybe. He did this in all earnestness.
He was not trying to manipulate me. He had in his picture of a place that he was taking me. And he did this all the time with us. He had in his head. I want you to be able to control your fear. And be able to move and act.
He wanted me to grow up. And I've learned at some point. If I follow this man and keep doing what he's doing. If I listen to him and obey. Eventually I'll be able to hold down a job. I'll be able to fight a dog.
I'll be able to handle. Like he's going to train me. Be able to pick up a snake. Whatever. Like he's going to coach me up on things to do in life. Do you need a picture in your head?
And you need to help your children get there. So godly discipline has direction. Godly discipline is loving. Godly discipline is loving. That you do this because you love your children. Proverbs 13 24 says.
Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Now culturally this feels backwards to us. So we've got to take just a second to talk this out. Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But whoever loves him is diligent to discipline him.
And that word rod means rod. But there's a caveat. I'm going to explain in a second. But it does mean rod. Proverbs 26 3 says. A whip for the horse.
A bridle for the donkey. And a rod for the back of fools. They came to people. They didn't do as much with jails. You did something. They hit you with a stick.
It says that it helps. The Proverbs tells us this is good for people. It also functions in the way that the New Testament talks about the government has the sword. This is a helpful thing to understand. The government has the sword. Which means the government has the military.
The government has the ability to enforce the regulations that it gives us. It does not mean that the government always uses the sword. Yeah I was late on my taxes. So the IRS stabbed me. That's not how it works. But I know that if I keep pressing I can get to the sword.
And so when it talks about that parenting has the rod. It means this rod of discipline is up to and including a rod. Whatever is necessary until you get there. Some of you have very well mannered calm children. A stern look works. Snapping your finger works.
They sit right back down. They didn't want to disappoint you. I have two sons. One of them. A little bit of aggression towards him. Just like sit down.
It works. My older son growled at me on a regular basis. It didn't work. He's like oh you're going to snap your finger? Fine. I can throw a train.
Now what? So it means do what works. Now there's this tendency to say well we've seen studies. Studies show that this is harmful. Studies show that if parents spank their children it makes them aggressive. I spent some time researching this.
If this is a thing that you want to talk about I'd love to talk with you more about it. I can't give it a ton of time. I will tell you this. There is disagreement about that. Both in how the studies were handled. And in general whether or not this is helpful.
Amongst professionals. There's a lot of articles that go back and forth. And if you get on like the American Association of Psychology. Psychology there's a bunch of information going back and forth about how this should be handled. Some of the things is that there's a correlation versus causation when they do these studies. So correlation versus causation.
Causation means you do this therefore this happens. Correlation means we see these two things held together. So if you said there's a link between sadness and alcohol abuse. That does not tell us whether or not alcohol abuse makes you sad. Or being sad makes you abuse alcohol. Like I just said I have two sons.
I've done my own study. There is a link between aggression and being spanked. There just there is in my house. It's not necessarily that spanking made one aggressive. It just is. It doesn't necessarily prove that.
Now it could. But there's some. The studies are still out on this. There's also a thing about magnitude. Which is how big of a deal. I read an article that said that studies show that corporal punishment increases the rate of when children grow up in mental disorders and abuse of different substances.
And so I clicked on the links and went all the way through. And the study when it said corporal punishment included it was children who had on a regular basis had been slapped, pinched, pushed, jerked, shaken, spanked. And it was like that's a huge category. That's a whole different thing than just what the Proverbs is talking about here. If you think for one second after reading the book of Proverbs which calls us to be thoughtful. Be measured.
Be wise. Be calm. Control your anger. Keep your mouth shut when you're upset. Think things through. If you think for a second that it all of a sudden went oh wait wait wait wait wait.
Not when you're parenting. Get a stick and go to town. Shout, shake, slap, pinch. Whatever you got to do. Beat the snot out of those children. You've missed probably.
It's not saying that. It is saying reasoned, measured, gracious discipline for the sake of joy and life and hope for them. I want to read a quote quickly from Jordan Peterson about this. When he talks about magnitude he says, What about the idea, he's a clinical psychiatrist, that hitting a child merely teaches them to hit? First, no, wrong. Too simple.
For starters, hitting is a very unsophisticated word to describe the disciplinary act of an effective parent. If hitting accurately described the entire range of physical force, then there would be no difference between rain droplets and atom bombs. Magnitude matters. So does context. If we're not being willfully blind and naive about the issue. How hard someone is hit, why they are hit, cannot merely be ignored when speaking of hitting.
Timing, which is part of context, is also of crucial importance. If you flick your two-year-old with your finger just after he smacks the baby on the head with a wooden block, he will get the connection and be at least somewhat less willing to smack her again in the future. That seems like a good outcome. He certainly won't conclude that he should hit her more using the flick of his mother's finger as an example. He's not stupid. He's just jealous, impulsive, and not very sophisticated.
And how else are you going to protect his younger sibling? If you discipline ineffectively, the baby will suffer, maybe for years. I'm not saying every child needs to get spanked. I'm not saying every child needs to get spanked every time. I think there are spankable offenses and non-spankable offenses. And I think the way you go about it needs to be calm and reasoned and in the envelope of love because that's the point.
And so if you'll go with me for a second that it's not necessarily harmful, the next question is how is it loving? The reason it's loving is that there are real-world consequences for sin and foolishness. And they are often delayed, especially for children. Real-world consequences for sin and foolishness often delayed, especially for children. There are times when some amount of physical force now is helpful to prevent what was going to happen. We were hanging out with my group.
My son, who was two at the time, started running headlong towards a fire pit. I was too far away to help. Another lady jumped up, knocked him to the ground. Under normal circumstances, if my son had just been playing and she had jumped up and knocked my son to the ground, seems inappropriate. Under these circumstances, I was like, good looking out, thanks. She could have gone Cobra Kai on him and swept the leg.
I'd have been fine with it. He was headed towards something worse. And this is what parenting is. It's bringing in consequences to help train and equip because the future gets worse. If you have a child, it starts young. It goes on.
But most of my examples are young because I only have a six-year-old. We'll talk again in a minute about some older kids. But if you have a child who wants a cookie, they start by pouting. We don't want to encourage that behavior. So if a dog bites you and then you give it a treat, you teach it to bite you.
So it's pouting, so it's not going to get a cookie. Tries whining. We're correcting that as well. Suddenly just decides, let's try domineering. Let's see how this works.
So my son would just yell, Give me a cookie. Pause. He's a child. He's trying all the things that he can try to get what he wants. It's not unreasonable. But I can see the future.
I know what happens. Long term, short term, what's going to happen if this works? Short term, he doesn't get to go to the zoo. And that's not a natural consequence. That's not a punishment. What I'm saying is there will be a day when his mom has some time off and thinks maybe we should go to the zoo.
And then she will consider the behavior of her child. And she will think, getting him in a car seat, getting him into the zoo, getting him to come to me when I call, getting him to sit still, getting him to not throw a fit when he sees ice cream, getting him to leave when it's time to leave, getting him back in the car seat. No, thank you. And she might grow to resent him or have to fight the fact that she's resenting him. It's not his fault. It's our fault.
It's not just that. When he's 10, if we keep this going, his granddaddy won't want to take him fishing. Same reasons. It's not just that. He'll have a harder time in school. He'll have a harder time with friends.
When he grows up, he might become a really nice domineering husband if he was able to domineer his mom his entire life. Now, I can see that he can't. There might be a time where he grows to need to hear the discipline of the Lord, but he can't. He won't. He rejects it. He does not learn to love discipline.
He has not seen how it would benefit him or grow fruit in his life. And so he cannot repent. He cannot follow the Lord well. He can't see that I can. And so what we do is we bring consequences closer that are smaller so that we never get to the ones that are further away and bigger. That's why it's loving.
So it says, 23, 13, do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. The purpose of parental discipline is not just for this life, but it is for helping them grow to hate sin, to love correction, to love discipline, to see it's good in their life so that they might one day follow and submit to the Lord in obedience. It is loving to do the hard work of keeping your children away from sin and difficulty. Godly discipline is loving.
Godly discipline requires diligence. That's what it says, that a father who loves his child is diligent to discipline him. Having children is a lot of work. That's why the Lord graciously made them very sleepy so that you can take a break. There's a lot of work and it takes consistency. And it takes consistency.
Parents of young children, it takes consistency in places where it matters. Where it doesn't matter so that it will be consistent where it does matter. Your life with your children should have guardrails, not booby traps. Some of us, you only put the booby trap out in public. But at home, they get to do whatever they want.
They get out in public and suddenly it matters because we're near roads or we're embarrassed because people are around. And all of a sudden, you're just like a pit of vipers attacking your child who's very surprised by this because it's never happened before. One of the reasons why my children have to... When I start off with little kids, I need come when I call you, sit, stay, roll over. The last one's a joke, but the first one are real. Close your mouth because there's going to come a time when I need all of those.
You're going to be running towards the road and I need you to know come when I call you. We're going to be out in public. Your mom is going to be trying to get you. I'm going to need you to know come when I call. I'm going to need you to know sit, stay. I'm going to need you to know how to do these things.
That it requires diligence though because when we're at the house and I'm sitting on the couch and I tell my son to come to me and he takes off running down the hall because he doesn't want to. Oh my goodness, it's so much easier. I kind of wanted him to leave anyway. Okay. But the rules have to be the same.
Next time you're in a grocery store and you see a mom counting down for her child, I can tell you on second two or three whether or not there's going to be anything that happens at five or whatever. One. Two. Kid doesn't even recognize this. You watch a mom count up to five. All right, I'm going to count again.
What does that do? You watch a kid when their mom says one and they go two, their little hands are like, ah, it's like, okay, something happens at three. That kid doesn't want to see it. I'm not sure I want to see it. It takes diligence. Parents with older children, this takes more work.
You have to be more creative. It works better if you start sooner, but it takes more work. You have to be more creative. You have a daughter who lies to you. She said she was going to be somewhere. She went somewhere else.
She's misusing how she's handling her cell phone. Well, you know that lying causes consequences. You know that sin causes consequences. You know that if we keep going down this path, things get worse. You've lived longer than they have. So now you've got to bring some consequences closer.
But you've got to do things that you're willing to follow through with. You will never own a cell phone again. It's probably not an appropriate, like, are you going to follow through with that? They'll know. But maybe you say, for the next week, you're not allowed out of my sight.
Your world's going to get a lot smaller because that's what happens if you lie. Where there's trust, your world's very big. Where there's a lack of trust, your world's very small. So if I'm in the bathroom or you're in the bathroom, you don't have to be in my sight. Otherwise, we're best friends. But you have to pick things you want to follow through with.
If you're a parent of little kids and they're acting up at a place, don't yell, we will never return to a park ever again. Is that true? If you don't want to leave the park, don't say, I'll get you in the car right now. Only do that one if you want to leave. Otherwise, sit on your hands next to that tree. Watch other kids have fun.
Learn that if you control how you act, you get to have fun too. All right. Godly discipline requires diligence. You have to work really hard at it constantly. They have to be the same all the time. It can't be based off of whether or not you're tired, whether or not you've had a bad day, whether or not you're frustrated, whether or not they've pushed you to the limit.
And the truth is consistent discipline on the front end keeps you from being meaner to your children on the back end. You suddenly jump up and go, I'm sick of you. Oh, my goodness. No, for real. It's a four year old. And they're just doing whatever you're letting them do.
Don't let them get to where you're sick of them. Correct them on the front end so that it's enjoyable. That's the next point. Godly discipline fosters delight. Discipline your son and he will give you rest. He will give delight to your heart.
But part of the reason you do this is so that there will be joy. And some of you are disciplinarians. I lean that way. I don't know if you could tell. Some of you are disciplinarians. You've been eating this up.
You're like, yeah, say the rod again. Does your house have delight? Because there's a real temptation for you to be the type of boss. You ever had the boss that would just fuss at you when you were doing poorly and then leave you alone if you were doing fine? Do you like that boss? Do your children need to live in that household?
Be quiet. Sit down. And on days when they're being quiet and sitting down, cool. No, this is to foster delight. This is to foster joy. There's a consistent amount of times where I walk in my house.
I don't know where my boys are and kind of hear them down the hall and I go like this. I don't do that when I'm out here with them because it's weird, you guys. But I do it at the house. I chase them down. We wrestle. We roll on the floor.
We play games. I'm teaching them how to behave so that we can have more fun. You behave. You learn how to control yourself. We get to play more games. We get to do more things.
I help explain this to them the whole time. You don't just correct to the bad behavior, but you tell them what good behavior gets and you help model it. You help get them there. There are times where I have to spank my son and I explain to him, you're going to get spanked. Then I'm going to hug you because I love you.
And then we're going to go back out and play. The fun is going to start right back up. You couldn't do the behavior that you did, but we're going to get back out there. This isn't going to mess up our whole day. I'm not mad at you. We're going to move on.
There's got to be delight. That's what you're pursuing with your children, that they would be enjoyed. And that they would enjoy life with you. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves as a father, the son in whom he delights. God corrects us, convicts us, pursues us so that we might have love and delight.
Do not reject his discipline. And parents, do not reject this call for you to help your children live in this kind of life as well. Do not hate your children. Love them. Be diligent to discipline them and pursue delight with them so that they might understand how God works. And some of you had very bad fathers and some of you had very bad mothers.
And I want you to know this is God's approach to you. He is not mad at you, trying to crush you, trying to get you to keep you from being on his nerves. He's trying to invite you into delight. And we know this because of Christ. Christ came, the first words out of his mouth were not, I love you. They were repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
He comes to us and corrects us in our sin and then goes to the cross to pay for our sin and to invite us into joy and delight and love for all of eternity. Oh, praise God that he stands in the way of us in hell. Praise God that he corrects us in our sin. There's a, in the Pinocchio, the little kid's cartoon, I don't know about the real one, but the, all the kids go to a little, like a park and they get to do everything they've ever wanted to. And then they turn into donkeys. Wink, wink, donkeys.
And Pinocchio is teaching us something. That the people who are leading them that way do not love them. God keeps you from going to the park. God pops your hand. God pulls you back. God corrects you.
God puts you on restriction. God puts up boundaries. Why? Because he loves you. And he wants to delight for you. And he wants to delight with you.
And by his grace, we will parent the same way. The band's going to come back up. We're going to sing and we're going to praise this God who corrects us in our sin because he loves us. We're going to sing and we're going to praise this God who loved us so much and pursued our delight so much that he was willing to die that we might have it rather than what we wanted. We're going to praise God in Christ because he is the one who redeems and loves and pursues. And by God's grace, we're going to grow as parents to love our children with the discipline and the diligence and the grace and the teaching that it takes and the effort that it takes to train them well to be able to live in the world God created and to enjoy him.
Let's pray. God, we thank you for your grace. We ask you for your help. We thank you that you correct us in our sin and may we not hate it, but may we love it so that we might have love and delight and joy with you. Help us to grow as parents, to walk in grace where we fail, and to put forth effort to train and equip our children well. In Jesus' name, amen.
Would you guys sing and sing with us? Amen.