Wisdom and Manhood (Proverbs 2:1-22, 23:19-28)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Wisdom and Manhood

Chet Phillips

Transcript

Thank you. Thank you. That's a big moment. I think I might just retire after this. It'd be like a walk-off home run and be done. We've always just been studying through books of the Bible.

We're working through certain kind of series. And we just say, Happy Father's Day. And then we jump right into where we are. And as we went into Proverbs, we thought, we actually can this summer, as we walk through this, talk about motherhood and womanhood on Mother's Day and fatherhood and manhood on... I may have said this wrong, but on Father's Day. And so we're excited to get to do that this morning.

We want good men. We need good men. The world needs good men. We need men like the Proverbs talk about. We need men around us that are wise and righteous. That care about justice.

That control their anger. That control their words. That say no to sin. That work hard. That are generous. That stand up for the weak.

We need that kind of men. The reality is much of your life, much of the goodness of your life, has risen and fallen with the quality of men that were around you. The presence of good men or the absence of good men or the presence of bad men have much affected you. And so our hope is that we would be good men and that we would have good fathers who raise up good sons. And that's some of what we're going to look at today. Much of the Proverbs is written in that framework of a father talking to a son.

Twenty-five times in the book of Proverbs, it has 31 chapters, but 25 times it says, My son, my son. Now there are a couple that are in specifically in the context of a father talking. There are two other times that it's a mother talking. And we've looked at some of that already. But this is a major theme that runs throughout the book of the Proverbs that fathers would raise up sons.

So we want to look at that today as we look at what are fathers supposed to do and how do we raise up good men. Now, personally, for all of us, it's a bit of a mess. I know that we're all over the place when it comes to what our dads were like or our desire to be a dad or what our husbands like as a dad. And there's a lot of maybe joy when you think about your father or maybe fear and frustration, anger and sadness. I know we're all over the place. My granddad, when he was a boy, he was getting a haircut at a barbershop and a man came by the front of the barbershop and stopped and turned and looked in the window and just sat kind of looking in at what was going on.

My granddad noticed him, but, you know, this guy was just watching him get a haircut. He didn't think much about it. And the man walked off and the barber said, Hey, boy, you know who that was? My granddad said, No, sir. He said, That was your daddy. So my granddad hopped out of the chair with half-cut hair and a little, you know, barber robe on and stood at the window and watched his daddy walk down the street.

And that was the only interaction he ever had with his dad. Now, he had a stepfather, who I've always known as Papa Holloman, who was a good man. Worked hard, raised him, cared about him. But our lives are affected by the men around us and who they decide to be and what they decide to do and what they decide to care about. And so as a church, as people who belong to Jesus, we want good men to raise up more good men. We want to encourage that.

So, ladies in the room today, less of this will apply to you. And that's fine. Enjoy the morning. Sip your coffee. Don't aggressively take notes and highlight things and show it to the man next to you. Don't elbow.

Don't plan your follow-up sermon for the ride home. We have a Holy Spirit. He does a wonderful job. So, as best you can, let's study the Word together. Now, we understand that we're all over the place and so there's two ways that we're going to approach this this morning. One is very practically.

The Proverbs are a very practical book. One of the things I have benefited from in being a part of this church family is how many other dads there are and how many other children there are. And so, a lot of times, when dads are interacting with their children, I watch them. And I know I probably have a super judgmental look on my face, but that's just what my face looks like. That's my learning face. So you're interacting with your kids, I might be just staring you down like, but I'm learning.

I'm trying to see what you do. I've learned some things from some of the other fathers around here. I've watched how they interact with their children and I've thought, that was good. I'm going to do that. And so, we're going to do that with the Proverbs today. We're going to see how this father talks to his son and we're going to stand with our aggressive faces staring at it and going, okay, what do I need to learn from this?

How do I need to speak to my sons? What do I need to care about? We are also, in the midst of this, going to hear the voice of our heavenly father who far surpasses any earthly father there has ever been. And so, if you aren't a father or aren't going to be a father or even if you are a father, I want you to hear your father speaking to you from the Proverbs because there's going to be a tendency while this is going on to be going, yeah, I wish my dad had talked to me about that or I wish that had happened or that would have been nice. And it's like, yeah, it actually is nice because your father is talking to you about that.

He is coaching you up and he is far better than any father you could have ever had. And he meets us in the scriptures and he meets us in the person of Christ. And therefore, we can approach this growing in our love for him as a good father as well as growing in our understanding of how to be good fathers. That's our approach. That's what we're doing this morning. Let's pray and let's get to it.

God, we ask for your help. We ask for your grace. Lord, we pray that you would give us the courage to repent and to follow you. We pray that as we walk through this, wherever we come in in our notion of manhood, our notion of masculinity, our thoughts when it comes to fatherhood, that we would see you as a gloriously good father and leave with a greater love for you. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Chapter 2, verse 1. We're going to look at two passages. We're going to look at chapter 2 and we're going to look at chapter 23, which are two sections where it's that tone of father talking to son. Chapter 2, verse 1. My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding. Now, there's an assumption made in that immediate, those first two verses.

The father is assuming that his words contain wisdom and understanding. Fathers, this involves some work on the back end, like the front end. Before you have wisdom and understanding to pour out, you need to get some wisdom and understanding. You need to love your Bible. You need to get counsel from other wise men around you. You are not pre-born with wisdom.

Proverbs tell us you're born with foolishness. So if that's just what you've run with your whole life, that's all you can coach your children up with. And so you need to get your Bible, love your Bible, read your Bible, study your Bible. It dramatically affects your life if you will grow to love your Bible so that we might have wisdom and understanding so that when we speak we have something worth hearing. Verse 3, Yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

I want to show you this if-then framework. He has a couple of ifs and then he has a then, but this is the first if and the other ones kind of fall under it. If you receive my words and treasure up my commandments, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Fathers, is that true? If your children listen to you, follow what you say, will you lead them to Jesus? Will they grow in the fear of the Lord?

Will they grow in the knowledge of God by hearing the way you talk, by hearing what you care about, by you pushing them towards the things that matter? Can we say that with credibility? If my children will just listen to me, they will fall deeply, madly in love with Jesus. They will fear the Lord and surrender to Him. They will know how to obey Him and they will understand all that is good and wonderful about Him. This was written in the context to a group of people who understood the Old Testament law and they would have understood the Shema, which was a main command given to them in the law in Deuteronomy chapter 6 and it's this, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your might. And these words I commanded you today shall be on your heart. So the first command that's given in the Shema is that you love the Lord. So fathers, do you love the Lord? Because if you don't love the Lord, how are you going to bring your children to Him? If you're not obeying Him, if you're not walking in the fear of the Lord, how is this going to play out?

But then it says this, verse 7, You shall teach them diligently to your children. Shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise. Meaning that you should be so in love with the Lord that it just pours out of you. Sitting down to dinner, it's as likely as not that you'll be talking about Jesus. Walking, going to work, getting your chores done, you're going to be talking about Jesus. You're going to be explaining how the world works.

You're going to be pouring forth the knowledge of the Lord. You're going to be explaining to them what it looks like to obey and to follow and to fear the Lord. It says, You shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Fathers, do we know wisdom and do we know the Lord so that we might actually lead our children to the Lord?

That's step one. The best way to begin that is for you to love your Bible so that in it you might meet Christ, you might know Him, you might grow in wisdom, to join a community group, to be committed to following Jesus with other men and women who are following Jesus, to have people in your life who know you and can call you towards better things. That's the first if. If you listen to me, the next one's buried in that. It's kind of under that, but it says this, it's verse 3 and 4. If you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as hidden treasures.

I love that verse because this father here is telling his son, you want to know something you need to get a little amped up about? You want to know something you want to need to raise your voice about? Like I remember times where my dad would get me and say, boy, you better bow up. I remember I was playing Little League catcher. He had to grab me one time after a game and he was talking to me and he said, that home plate is yours. It belongs to you.

No one touches that. And then he practiced pushing me in my garage so that I would learn how to end. But he would say, these are things, there were certain things that he would say you need to care about. And he says, you need to raise your voice. That men would be like, hey, I need some of that right now. And somebody would come over to you and say, what are you talking about?

And you'd be like, wisdom. I need it. I will not be denied. That's what he's saying, that you would have some energy about this. You would have some, take some courage. It takes some effort.

He says, you would seek it like silver or search for it as for hidden treasures. You know who hunts for hidden treasures? Adventurers, explorers, pirates, cowboys, archaeologists. But like the Indiana Jones kind. That this would take some energy and some effort. I love that what the father here is saying is that if you want to seek your own desire, if you want to be lazy, if you want to just go with your gut, if you want to just wing it, just understand any fool can do that.

That's why every fool does. But if you want something worth living a life for, if you want something worth giving a life to, if you want something worth handing on, and if you want to be the type of man that's worth being around, it's going to take some energy from you. It's going to take waking up a little bit earlier than the other people in your house. It's going to take going to bed a little bit later than the other people in your house. It's going to take opening a Bible and reading it and memorizing it and learning it. It's going to take a little bit of energy and effort and adrenaline and aggression and testosterone from you to call out for this.

That's what he's saying. And I appreciate that. And he keeps going on. Verses 6 to the end of the chapter, he says, if you do this, the Lord will grant this to you. He'll give you wisdom. He'll give you insight.

He'll coach you up. He'll train you. It'll help you turn away from sin. You'll be the type of person who knows what is right and good and just and equitable. And you'll be the type of person who says no to wickedness and you will not become a wicked man if you'll pursue this. And that's what we need.

Godly fathers who know Jesus, who walk in wisdom and help raise up godly sons to say no to sin and yes to Jesus and put forth the energy that that takes. Shame on the American church that it's 60% female and 40% male. Shame on us that every time we want to try to do something in the American church, you have a thousand female hands that raise that they're ready to come serve, they're ready to come work, they're ready to come labor and it's hard to find men. I have in general been very proud of our church family, of the females who love Jesus and who serve and the fact that we do have men that want to fight and to serve but we need more.

We need more good men and so may we be good men who raise good men and I want you to hear everybody, I want you to hear the voice of our heavenly father who is inviting you into this. That if you'll call out for wisdom, you'll get it. He'll teach you. He'll know you. You'll know him. It'll be good.

He'll keep you from sin. He'll bring you into righteousness. This is an invitation for all of us here. May we take it. I like to think sometimes, go ahead and jump to chapter 23. I like to think sometimes, I'll watch movies, aggressive movies, I'll watch like, my wife and I watched Braveheart recently.

I watched Braveheart and I think, I could do that. I could get a shield and an axe and run into a field and try to kill as many people as possible. I could do that. If I had to, I could get myself amped up to do that. That's not the fight the Lord has given me. I don't get to try to help free Scotland from the English.

But he has given me a fight. He's invited the church into a spiritual war. an eternal fight. He's given me two sons. He's given me a wife. He's given me a church family. He's given people in my community group.

That it's worth the energy and the effort and the labor it takes to know Jesus, to submit to Jesus, to know His word, to obey Him, and to walk in faithfulness. Every once in a while I'll talk to men and I'll say, what else do you have more worth fighting for than your wife and children? What else do you have more worth fighting for than the people in your community group? What else do you have more worth fighting for than the lost and dying souls around here that are going to spend an eternity in hell? Don't sit and tell yourself that if you were in some other time you would have taken up the mantle if you're not taking up the one that's laid down for you right now.

There's a call towards some energy and some effort that we ought to accept because we have valuable things worth the energy and the effort all around us. Chapter 23. We're going to pick up in verse 19, but this section starts in the back in chapter 22 and in it the father is just telling his son a bunch of stuff. It's this random he talks about all kinds of things and we see that throughout the Proverbs. The father's just talking all the time about this is how you should think about work and this is how you should think about money and this is how like it's all this life coaching and that's good and I honestly think a lot of fathers get really excited about that.

And this is how like it's all this life coaching and that's good and I honestly think a lot of fathers get really excited about that. Whenever there's something that your dad knows and knows how to do how geeked out is he to tell you how to do it? I don't care what it is. Woodworking, coding, painting, changing attire, like wherever you see a competent man you will see

An excited man just so you know. Men don't like participating in things they're not real competent in. They do appreciate the challenge and learning but if you ever see something where it's like oh this I can do I'm ready you'll watch those men walk right up like oh you need help with that whatever like you know can I get in on that? This is where people talk about men all the time

Mansplaining or whatever but it's just they're really excited they know a thing actually they just appreciate being competent that's what's happening throughout this the father's just consistently coaching up on all the things that he's competent on that's why it's helpful for us to become competent men so that we can be helpful in life not pedantic and annoying with it but helpful but verse 19 in chapter 23

As he's coming through this he says this hear my son and be wise direct your heart in the way and again I just want to highlight for you that fathers are meant to not just hand out practical wisdom but also be the ones leading in let's follow Jesus together to direct your heart in the way that I care about your heart and I care that it belongs to Jesus and let's walk in righteousness

Let's walk in faithfulness let's walk in the way of following the Lord so yes coach up on all the things you know but don't think that's your job and if you're married well it's my wife's Job to try to tell him about Jesus now this is the thing that he does that he calls him into verse 20 be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat

For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty and slumber will clothe them with rags I think it's helpful just as we're looking at this and seeing what he does here he tells him why he doesn't just say don't do this he says don't do this because and he does that throughout the Proverbs but he has some wisdom to share where that heads meat and alcohol sound nice and he says

Yeah but too much of it let me tell you where that takes you let me show you where that ends up let me show you what that brings on you let me show you what that causes and this is one of the places he's real practical throughout the rest of the Proverbs he's practical and there are times where he's theological where he talks about he holds it up against righteousness and shield he says this leads you to hell so I would say both

Fathers when you're coaching your kids up explain why take the time to do that and explain theologically why not just practically why now I know some of you have little kids and I'm not saying that sometimes little kids kids in general your children want you to explain to them why so that they can agree with you and it's actually not

That's not what I'm talking about you can explain to them why but you don't have to win them over you're their parents so sometimes you can just say I've explained why now do it that's fine but do explain why it's helpful verse 22 listen to your father who gave you life and do not despise your mother when she is old compete for their attention he says listen to me pay attention to me

Look at me my sons and I reenact this this tension every time I'm trying to explain something to them and the TV is on because I'm talking to them and you can watch their little eyes drift and I know how hard that is I don't turn the TV off I make them control themselves I know how hard that is because I know there are times when my wife's talking to me and I'm going

I feel your pain but you've got to listen to me when I'm talking to you but there's some competition with the world for who are they going to listen to fathers be a voice in that fight for that which means a couple of things control the environment sometimes I know that depending on the age of your children or the attitude of your children there are a lot of times

Where you have something to do that is much easier if they aren't with you I have a three year old and a six year old we have for the past six years and we're just now on the edge of getting out of it but we've lived that little kid life where there's a kid that can't talk has diapers doesn't sleep

At night like we've lived that for six years my wife and I are talking are we going to have one more and make that nine years or are we going to move off into the joy of the promised land we've had that for six years I know when I go to the grocery store or to Home Depot or Lowe's

Without them I feel like a superhero I know why my dad spent so much time at places like that he was free but there are times where we need to say because we're competing with the world for their attention and for our ability to pour out wisdom to them as we walk in the way as we

Sit up as we rise get in the truck get in the car let's go come out here and help me I'm washing the vehicle you need to be here with me I'm changing the oil you need to be here with me we've got to run errands we're going

To go visit this person you need to be here with me because that's some of that shoulder to shoulder time some of that time that you need to spend with them and I understand there are times where involving them makes the thing take longer or be more difficult what else do you have to do with your time that wouldn't

Involve trying to help coach and train and love out for your children and the people around you and don't say well you know I need my alone time I'm kind of a loner well I'm sorry you have children you will never have alone time again you need to take them with you you need to coach them

Up and some of y'all in community groups need to be doing this as well you have some errands to run but you've got some people that you could invite to be around that you could walk in life together so that y'all might like iron sharpens iron you might sharpen one another and grow together in your love for Jesus and help not just be in

Your own little world but have people involved in life with you so that you might grow together second part of this verse that I also really appreciate he says listen to your father and do not despise your mother when she is old fathers make your house a good environment for your wife if you are divorced do not

Participate participate in your children and pouring into them bad thoughts about their mother teach your children to respect their mother demand that they respect their mother help them grow in respect for their mother because it's good for them to do that don't sit and say

Don't sit on the couch while your kids are acting up to your wife mistreating their mom and go you know they listen to me if you were better at this they'd listen to you get up off the couch and make them listen to their mama if you're so good

At it help them it's good for her it's good for them participate he says don't despise your mom and I just think that's helpful make it a good environment verse 23 buy truth and do not sell it by wisdom instruction and understanding I heard a guy say

That one of the reasons we give balloons to children is to teach them that there are some things worth holding on to and it also makes me feel better about every time one of my kids accidentally lets a balloon into the world I go see there's some things worth holding on to I'm not buying you another one you learned

A lesson here today but that's what he says he says buy truth and do not sell it we live in a world in a culture right now that does not like truth we live in a culture right now that's very confused about what is true we live in a culture

Right now that is letting everyone define their own truth we don't do that with stoplights we don't do that with seatbelts we don't do that with airplanes but we somehow want to let everybody do that in a bunch of other areas that matter a lot and let's be people

That care about truth who buy it and do not sell it who hold on to it even when the rest of the world has gone crazy and let's be people in our families that even when it is extremely difficult because our children have grown up and they have bought what the world is selling

And they want you to participate with them let's be some of the people that hold on to truth for dear life so that we might model for them that it really really really matters and without truth we lose so much and let's be people who grow in wisdom

So that we know what is and isn't true and let's be people who love our Bibles and know that it promises that one day everything will rise and fall everything will wither and fail but the word of the Lord is forever and so that

One day our culture will have changed its mind about things and cultures of the world have consistently changed their minds about things and one day we will stand in the kingdom of the Lord where all truth is alive and around us and we'll be standing in the continual word of the Lord that lasts

Forever verse 24 and 25 the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him so just giving some general information verse 25 let your father and mother be glad let her who bore you rejoice I just appreciate

These verses the father here just said hey you know who's happy parents whose kids aren't morons wouldn't you like for your parents to be happy I just appreciate what he's saying here he's saying let's have some joy in this house and that involves

You not being foolish come let your mom be happy I feel like my dad said that to me before hey quit doing that you're upsetting your mama let your mama be happy that she didn't

Have a fool for a son verse 26 my son give me your heart let your eyes observe my way for a prostitute is a deep pit an adulteress is a narrow

Well she lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind he goes on from here to talk about alcohol at some lengths and the use of alcohol and how it causes trouble in life fathers

Have have some awkward and uncomfortable conversations with your children because you care about them and you care that they say no to sin and yes to good things have some conversations where you say son sit down and talk

To you about prostitutes it's an awkward intro but there are things you need to talk about I remember one time my dad had just explained to me and my two brothers about reproduction and I was a bit

Skeptical I was like that doesn't sound right but I don't think that's how that works my older brother hit me said he knows what he's talking about he's done this three times very logical I was like I got a point there the reality is if you

Are not explaining these things from a biblical perspective of how the world works to your children the world is explaining it to them someone's telling them how to think about gender someone's telling

Them how to think about sex someone's telling them how to think about relationship someone's telling them you're like well my dad never did that I don't

Know how to do that yeah didn't you figure it out on your own and wasn't that a much more painful process? You're going to push the pain to your children? Are you going to take some of the awkwardness and some of the pain so that you might lead them in a better way? Don't put that off on them. Don't put that off on the world. Don't house that into American culture. Good Lord, help us. Learn and be able to communicate here and have some awkward conversations for the sake of your children and tell them to say no to sin and yes to Jesus. All you middle schoolers and high schoolers in here, you're welcome. You'll thank me later.

Verse 26. I don't want us to miss this. I think this is helpful. We'll finish out. We just read past it, but I want us to see it. He says, my son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. I think that we need with credibility to be able to say this, that fathers, we care about the heart of our children, that we are jealous for the heart of our children, which means that you can trust yourself with me. You can trust your deepest desires, that you can trust what you long for. You can trust who you feel like you are as a person with me. I care about you. Now, that does not mean that everything that they believe or desire is safe with you, but that they are. But I think sometimes the impression that children have gotten from their fathers is not that I care about your heart, but that I care about my time. I don't care about your heart. I care about my comfort. I don't care about your heart. I care about not being bothered. I don't care about your heart. I care about my job. And I think we need to be able to, with credibility, say to our children, give me your heart and mean it and it be in safe hands when they do. The encouraging thing is that I think by default, most children give their fathers their heart pretty early on. Some of you need to fight back to getting it back and to be credible in your saying that you want it and that it's good. And then he says this, let your eyes observe my ways.

You, there's a, there's a saying that apparently everyone originally said when you look it up online, but it's, you can teach what you know, but you replicate who you are. That's what he's saying. Watch me. All the things that I've said to you about saying no to sin, all the things I've said to you about raising your voice for wisdom and understanding, all the things that I've said to you about what you ought to care about and what you ought to fight for, all the things I've said to you about saying no to overeating and over drinking and chasing women, all the things that I've said to you, watch me. The reality is that your children are watching you just like you watched your parents. You know what they cared about. You know, when they told you that Jesus mattered the most, whether or not he actually did, you know, how they handled money. You know what they were stressed out about, you know, what actually got on their nerves, regardless of what they told you, you know, and your children know. And that's why he says, watch me that we ought to have credibility because the reality is we're replicating who we are in so many ways. And you know, this, as you've gotten older, there've been times where after a situation, you really should have turned to an invisible audience and taken a bow because you did a perfect rendition of your father from 40 years ago. This has been a reproduction of Kent Phillips from 1992. You know that.

And there've been times where that scared you. There've been times where that was wonderful. A situation happened and afterwards you were like, oh, wow, I handled it. I'm so glad I saw that modeled that way. There are other times where you're trying to do what the Bible says and you have no good model for that. You're out on, you have no clue. You're just winging it as best you can as you follow Jesus. May we be worth watching and worth modeling. This is discipleship. This is apprenticeship. And so he says, give me your heart and watch me. Now that call from verse 26 is the same thing that the Lord says to us. In some ways, that's the message of scripture. Give me your heart and watch my ways. Give me your heart, meaning that you are safe with the Lord, that what he primarily desires is you, not your works, not your effort, that you wouldn't bring him a beautiful resume.

He says, give me your heart. That's the first thing that it says, that we would follow him with all our heart. That that's what he wants from you, that he's trying to captivate your heart and steal your heart and keep your heart and that it's safe with you, that all of your deepest desires and longings, all of your greatest fears are safe with him. That you're safe with him. Now that some of the things that you care about aren't safe with him, but you are, and you're better off if he comes in and goes, oh, you love that. That's actually really bad for you. So we're going to get rid of that. But give me your heart. Let it belong to me that this is what he calls you that in the midst of your failures, in the midst of your anger, in the midst of your hatred, in the midst of your alienation, in the midst of your rebellion, in the midst of all the times that we have run from him or been frustrated with him or tried to guard ourselves from him.

And what he is saying is give your heart to me that you might belong to me and that I might bring you to the end. And then he says, watch me. There are some of us, because of the relationship we have with our father, the idea that God is a father gets all messed up. He feels distant or he feels angry. The best thing you can do is just behave well enough so that he doesn't, doesn't come in with that look on his face. If I can just stay out of his way, if I can just keep from annoying him. But you know that the scriptures tell us that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, that he looks at his disciples and says, if you know me, you know the father. If you've seen me, you've seen the father. That Christ comes to be the example of how God interacts with us, how God loves us, how God pursues us, how God dies for us, so that we might give him our heart. And so that in him we have hope and joy. So fathers, may we love Jesus and may we be able to look at our children and say, give me your heart and watch me and let's go. Because we've given Jesus our heart and we've watched him and we trust him with ourselves and we follow him in life. The band's going to come back up.

That's our hope this morning, that if you're in here, that you would give your heart to Jesus, that you would watch his ways, that you would know that he is good and that he is for your good, that he would die, that we might be saved from our sin, that he would take all of what is broken and wrong in us and that he would be the perfect example of what a man is supposed to be, that he is sacrificial and that he uses his strength for the good of others, that he did not come to have his own way, that he did not come to be the king of all things, that he came to suffer and to die and to take the lowest place so that the rest of us might be brought in. May we look at him and may we give him our hearts. And fathers, may we be so in love with Jesus that all of that just pours out of us and so that we can with credibility say, give me your heart and if you'll listen to me, I'll take you to the king. Lord, help us. Let's pray. God, may we be a people who love you and may we be a people that encourage faithful, godly men to raise up more faithful, godly men. May we celebrate that and enjoy that in the midst of a culture that's really confused about that. May we appreciate the distinctives of masculinity and the distinctives of femininity and celebrate your good design there.

And may we love Jesus, walk in wisdom and faithfulness. Thank you for your grace. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.

You're going to push the pain to your children? Are you going to take some of the awkwardness and some of the pain so that you might lead them in a better way? Don't put that off on them. Don't put that off on the world. Don't house that into American culture. Good Lord, help us.

Learn and be able to communicate here and have some awkward conversations for the sake of your children and tell them to say no to sin and yes to Jesus. All you middle schoolers and high schoolers in here, you're welcome. You'll thank me later. Verse 26. I don't want us to miss this. I think this is helpful.

We'll finish out. We just read past it, but I want us to see it. He says, my son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. I think that we need with credibility to be able to say this, that fathers, we care about the heart of our children, that we are jealous for the heart of our children, which means that you can trust yourself with me. You can trust your deepest desires, that you can trust what you long for.

You can trust who you feel like you are as a person with me. I care about you. Now, that does not mean that everything that they believe or desire is safe with you, but that they are. But I think sometimes the impression that children have gotten from their fathers is not that I care about your heart, but that I care about my time. I don't care about your heart. I care about my comfort.

I don't care about your heart. I care about not being bothered. I don't care about your heart. I care about my job. And I think we need to be able to, with credibility, say to our children, give me your heart and mean it and it be in safe hands when they do. The encouraging thing is that I think by default, most children give their fathers their heart pretty early on.

Some of you need to fight back to getting it back and to be credible in your saying that you want it and that it's good. And then he says this, let your eyes observe my ways. You, there's a, there's a saying that apparently everyone originally said when you look it up online, but it's, you can teach what you know, but you replicate who you are. That's what he's saying. Watch me. All the things that I've said to you about saying no to sin, all the things I've said to you about raising your voice for wisdom and understanding, all the things that I've said to you about what you ought to care about and what you ought to fight for, all the things I've said to you about saying no to overeating and over drinking and chasing women, all the things that I've said to you, watch me.

The reality is that your children are watching you just like you watched your parents. You know what they cared about. You know, when they told you that Jesus mattered the most, whether or not he actually did, you know, how they handled money. You know what they were stressed out about, you know, what actually got on their nerves, regardless of what they told you, you know, and your children know. And that's why he says, watch me that we ought to have credibility because the reality is we're replicating who we are in so many ways. And you know, this, as you've gotten older, there've been times where after a situation, you really should have turned to an invisible audience and taken a bow because you did a perfect rendition of your father from 40 years ago.

This has been a reproduction of Kent Phillips from 1992. You know that. And there've been times where that scared you. There've been times where that was wonderful. A situation happened and afterwards you were like, oh, wow, I handled it. I'm so glad I saw that modeled that way.

There are other times where you're trying to do what the Bible says and you have no good model for that. You're out on, you have no clue. You're just winging it as best you can as you follow Jesus. May we be worth watching and worth modeling. This is discipleship. This is apprenticeship.

And so he says, give me your heart and watch me. Now that call from verse 26 is the same thing that the Lord says to us. In some ways, that's the message of scripture. Give me your heart and watch my ways. Give me your heart, meaning that you are safe with the Lord, that what he primarily desires is you, not your works, not your effort, that you wouldn't bring him a beautiful resume. He says, give me your heart.

That's the first thing that it says, that we would follow him with all our heart. That that's what he wants from you, that he's trying to captivate your heart and steal your heart and keep your heart and that it's safe with you, that all of your deepest desires and longings, all of your greatest fears are safe with him. That you're safe with him. Now that some of the things that you care about aren't safe with him, but you are, and you're better off if he comes in and goes, oh, you love that. That's actually really bad for you. So we're going to get rid of that.

But give me your heart. Let it belong to me that this is what he calls you that in the midst of your failures, in the midst of your anger, in the midst of your hatred, in the midst of your alienation, in the midst of your rebellion, in the midst of all the times that we have run from him or been frustrated with him or tried to guard ourselves from him. And what he is saying is give your heart to me that you might belong to me and that I might bring you to the end. And then he says, watch me. There are some of us, because of the relationship we have with our father, the idea that God is a father gets all messed up.

He feels distant or he feels angry. The best thing you can do is just behave well enough so that he doesn't, doesn't come in with that look on his face. If I can just stay out of his way, if I can just keep from annoying him. But you know that the scriptures tell us that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, that he looks at his disciples and says, if you know me, you know the father. If you've seen me, you've seen the father. That Christ comes to be the example of how God interacts with us, how God loves us, how God pursues us, how God dies for us, so that we might give him our heart.

And so that in him we have hope and joy. So fathers, may we love Jesus and may we be able to look at our children and say, give me your heart and watch me and let's go. Because we've given Jesus our heart and we've watched him and we trust him with ourselves and we follow him in life. The band's going to come back up. That's our hope this morning, that if you're in here, that you would give your heart to Jesus, that you would watch his ways, that you would know that he is good and that he is for your good, that he would die, that we might be saved from our sin, that he would take all of what is broken and wrong in us and that he would be the perfect example of what a man is supposed to be, that he is sacrificial and that he uses his strength for the good of others, that he did not come to have his own way, that he did not come to be the king of all things, that he came to suffer and to die and to take the lowest place so that the rest of us might be brought in.

May we look at him and may we give him our hearts. And fathers, may we be so in love with Jesus that all of that just pours out of us and so that we can with credibility say, give me your heart and if you'll listen to me, I'll take you to the king. Lord, help us. Let's pray. God, may we be a people who love you and may we be a people that encourage faithful, godly men to raise up more faithful, godly men. May we celebrate that and enjoy that in the midst of a culture that's really confused about that.

May we appreciate the distinctives of masculinity and the distinctives of femininity and celebrate your good design there. And may we love Jesus, walk in wisdom and faithfulness. Thank you for your grace. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.

Do you even know how to sports, bro?

We all know the stereotype: the sports-loving, beer-drinking, thick-skinned man. But what about the rest of us? In a world where men are judged on whether or not they can throw a perfect spiral, what is masculinity actually about? What if being a man has little to do with how often you go hunting?

Do you even know how to sports, bro?

Chet Phillips

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Transcript

Well, good morning. We are in week three of our Theology of Sex series. So we've been taking a look at kind of our culture and how we approach sex and how we think about sex and trying to really develop a theological basis for how we approach gender and sexuality and masculinity and femininity. And so our first week, we basically just said we were designed by God, created in the image of God, to worship God. And that human flourishing comes from our worship of God, but that we removed God from the place of creator and began to worship created things. And that since humans were made in the image of God, we're the easiest thing to swap out for God.

So we're most likely to believe that a relationship, that friendship, that another human will fill us up, make us complete, give us purpose. And that ultimately, that is where we have begun to place sexuality and romance in the place of God, and it's begun to wreak havoc on our culture. We wanted to then jump in and say, okay, here's what biblical masculinity is, and here's what biblical femininity is. Here's what God's design for women is. Here's what God's design for men is. But we couldn't because in our culture, there's even just a discussion about, is that really a thing?

Are there just women and men? Is it not on a sliding scale? Can't we just kind of choose or pick? Isn't there some form of? And so we had to just take time last week to discuss gender and to talk about the fact that God has created us male and female in his image. And there are two primary genders that are male and female, and we were designed by God to image him as male and female, and that ultimately, because we were made in the image of God, we were designed to get our worth and value from God, get our purpose from God.

And so once we'd begun to put romance and sex in the place of God, we then started using sex and romance to give us our purpose. And that's why we come alongside people. And as soon as they have a sexual urge or a romantic desire, we just come alongside of them and say, yeah, that's who you are. Because we've placed romance and sex in the place of God where we were designed to get our identity, and so we've begun to draw our identity from that. And so we spent some time looking at that last week. Today we are going to talk about masculinity, what it means to be a man.

Today, as God has designed it, if there are male and female and he intentionally designed us differently, then what does it mean to be a man? So jump to Genesis chapter 1. We're going to read something we've read several times. This is going to be Genesis chapter 1. It's on page 1. If your Bible looks like this, probably on page 1, no matter what your Bible looks like, because it's right at the beginning.

So Genesis chapter 1, go to verse 27. We're going to look at Genesis chapter 1, 27 and 28. So it says, God created man in his own image. That means mankind. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them.

So we've read this several times. It says God creating man and woman. He makes them in his image. And then it says 28. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply.

Fill the earth and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. So God makes male and female in his image. And he says, It's your job to have dominion over the earth. And he makes them separate. So that there's a way that men are designed to carry out this call.

And there's a way that women are designed to carry out this call. But the calling has been given to both. To work together. To subdue and have dominion over the earth. And so what we're going to look at this week. Is what's the specific way men are designed to carry that out.

What are the core elements or pillars to masculinity. And next week we're going to look at what are the core elements or pillars to femininity. So. This is a vital question for us. I actually have become recently more interested in this question. Of what does it take to be a man?

What makes a man a man? Because I have a 10 month old son. He is male. But he is not a man. His primary disposition at this point is he just takes. He consumes.

He doesn't bring anything to the table. He's not carrying his weight. He doesn't weigh much. But he's not carrying his weight. Like he doesn't. He's not.

He's not doing anything. The best thing he has done so far is dance. And we've posted that. That's pretty much all we've gotten out of him. He doesn't do much. But it's my job and my wife's Job to raise him to be a man.

As he's growing up to tell him. No this is. This is what men do. Boys do that. This is what men do. This is what you're designed to be by God.

And so it's helpful for us to begin to get some vocabulary here. And our culture is all over the place. So we don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. Boom you're a man. We don't live in a culture where when you turn a certain age. We take all the boys.

And they have to climb a mountain. And if they make it back. They get to be a man. We don't have any kind of set. I'm a man now. You can walk up to guys that are 30 in our culture.

And say hey are you a man. And that actually has become a difficult question. I mean yeah. I mean what do you think. Like I. Sure.

I guess. Probably. How are we defining it. Male. Uh huh. Like it's just become more of a.

But if you walked up to your granddad. When he was 30. And said are you a man. That's a very silly question. Of course I am. Now get out of my face weirdo.

Like. Might would even just be a little bit offended. Like we. We've lost some of our. Definition. And in that void.

We've begun to add a whole bunch of things. So. What does it take to be a man. Are we going for. For James Bond. Like you need to drive nice cars.

Dress well. Be able to choke a guy out. In the bottom of a stairwell. Like what. What does it take to be a man. Do you have to.

Do you have to be intelligent. And know economics. And be able to run a company. Be able to. To. To quote.

Old dead guys. Who are smart. Do you. Is it just. The ability to grow a beard. And punch things.

Like is that. Our definition of man. Like if you can clean a fish. And a gun. You got it. Like really.

Is it just. Can I quote Chaucer. Or. Or should. Can I just. Is it.

Does back hair suffice. Like what's the category. I just need a high testosterone level. Like is that all we're going for. Maybe if I'm just always aggressive. Can I do that.

Like is that masculinity. And so we've begun to. To kind of. Lose. Our ability. So is it just sports.

Or is it sports knowledge. Athleticism. Is it. Something altogether different. And so. This is a.

Vital question. For our culture though. Because nobody. Is arguing. With any amount of data. People may be arguing this.

But with any amount of helpful data. Nobody's arguing. That the world is better. Where men are lacking. You can't make that argument. Psychologically.

You can't make it sociologically. You can't make it economically. You can't make it spiritually. The world was designed to have men. And where men are lacking. Things crumble.

You look at the places. With the highest poverty rates. The highest crime rates. What you'll find. Is a. Very vast amount.

Of fatherlessness. You'll find a giant void. Where dads haven't been dads. And they haven't shown. Boys how to be men. And other people in gangs.

And different things. Have come along. And said. This is what it takes to be a man. And begun to fill that void. We've got major problems.

In our. In our city right here. Where we've got. High amounts. Of. Single mothers.

That's a man problem. In our state. Which is. Top in the nation. In criminal domestic violence. That's a man problem.

Across the world. The most amount of. Rape culture. And heinous crimes. And violence. Are perpetrated by boys.

From the age of 20 to 60. And we need to have. A working. Functional. Healthy definition. Of what it takes to be a man.

So that we. Together as a church. Can begin to spot it. Can begin to encourage it. Can begin to point it out. Can walk up next to someone.

And say. Yes. That's man stuff right there. Keep doing that. That's great. And you can look at other people.

And say. That's boy stuff. Do what this guy was doing. Like we. We need to begin to have a language. So that we can raise sons.

To be men. So that we can grow together. As brothers in Christ. And be men. And. So.

Quick caveat. Before we hop in. Wives. If you're a wife in the room. And your husband is here. If you're a wife in the room.

And your husband is not here. Let me say this. Where the ideal. Is lacking. If you're. A single mother.

If you. Have a husband. But he has. Rejected this call. Where the ideal is lacking. Grace abounds.

So God has designed it. To be a certain way. But where the ideal is lacking. He steps in. He works on our behalf. And grace.

Abounds. So don't. Don't hear me say you are wrong. But you. Along with everybody else. Want men to be men.

So let's encourage that. Wives that are here. If your husband is here. A few quick things for you. Or if your husband's not here. A few quick things for you.

Listen. So that you can begin to spot this. And encourage it in your husband. Encourage it. Not angrily demand it. To spot it.

And encourage it. To be able to say. That's it. That's. That's. That's wonderful.

That's what you should be doing. You can begin to. Graciously expect it. Don't. Try to be the Holy Spirit. If we talk about something.

That your husband's not very good at. Just eyes up here. The Hulk just lock in. Don't do this. It's not going to help. Don't do this.

The subtle elbow thing. Don't. Don't do that. It's not going to help. It's. It's.

It's not productive. So just. Eyes up here. You stay focused. Let. Let the Holy Spirit do his job.

Single. Women. If you are. You're not. You don't have to get married. You don't.

That's not God's design for everybody. Perfectly fine and full way. To. To love Jesus and not be married. If you are dating and desire to be married. One of our goals.

Whenever we talk about masculinity. Is that some relationships. Would just fall all apart. The best way for some single females in this room. Is to. To leave here.

And break up with your boyfriend. That's the best way. For you to apply this sermon. To. To begin to expect. The person you're dating.

To actually be a man. And to not put up with childishness. And. And extended boyhood. Because it's not cute. Dating a boy who can shave.

Is not a good idea. Okay. Cool. Go break up with your boyfriend. Follow Jesus. He's better.

All right. I'm going to. I'm going to pray. And then we're going to hop in. And start reading some stuff from Genesis 2. Okay.

God. God. I pray that by your grace. Our. Church. Would be home to men.

Our church would be a place. Where the biologically male. Can by your grace. Be men. That we can. Challenge other men.

To be men. And to follow after you. And that we can get rid of some of the unhelpful stereotypes. And begin to actually place. Our understanding of masculinity. Firmly in what you say it is.

We love you. In Jesus name. Amen. All right. So the good news is.

God gives us some helpful. Handles on what masculinity is. So we're going to be in Genesis chapter 2. Now. We just read in Genesis 1. God makes male and female.

We're now going back. We're going ahead in the story to Genesis 2. But it's actually. Further back in time. This is. Retelling the story in a more colorful way.

This is prior to the existence of Eve. So we're going to start in verse 5. It'll be on page 2. If you're in this Bible. Probably somewhere close. In any other Bible.

Verse 5. Verse 6. When no bush of the field. Was yet in the land. And no small plant of the field. Had yet sprung up.

For the Lord God. Had not caused it to rain on the land. And there was no man. To work the ground. And a mist was going up from the land. It was watering the whole face of the ground.

Then the Lord God. Formed the man. Of dust. From the ground. And breathed into his nostrils. The breath of life.

And the man. Became a living creature. And the Lord God. Planted a garden. In Eden. In the east.

And there he put the man. Whom he had formed. And out of the ground. The Lord God. Made to spring up. Every tree that is pleasant.

To the sight. And good for food. And the tree of life. Was in the midst of the garden. And the tree of knowledge. Of good and evil.

And a river flowed out of Eden. To water the garden. And there it divided. And became four rivers. The name of the first. Is the Pishon.

It is the one that flowed. Around the whole land. To Havilah. Where there is gold. And the gold of that land. Is good.

Bedellum. And onyx stone. Are there. The name of the second river. Is the Gihon. It is the one.

That flowed around. The whole land of Cush. And the name of the third river. Is the Tigris. Which flows east of the Syria. And the fourth river.

Is the Euphrates. Okay. We just learned a lot about rivers. Push that out of your brain. We are not going to talk anything about that. The Lord God.

Took the man. And put him in the garden of Eden. To work it. And keep it. And the Lord God. Commanded the man.

Saying. For you shall surely eat. Of every tree of the garden. But of the tree of the knowledge. Of good and evil. You shall not eat.

For in the day that you eat. Of it. You shall surely die. Okay. God makes a man. Puts him in a garden.

He makes a garden. Puts the man in the garden. So the whole world is kind of. Rugged. Unkempt. He makes a garden.

Plants a garden. And then he puts the man in the garden. And he says he's got a job. He's to work it. And keep it. This is prior to sin.

This is prior to Eve. The man's designed to have a job. Single. Single men in the room. Masculinity does not wait. For you to get married.

And have children. Some of you are not called to be married and have children. You're going to be like Paul and Jesus. Who were perfectly masculine. And were not married and did not have kids. So don't feel like.

Oh cool. I get to be a boy until I have a wife who makes me be a man. That's nonsense. He gave him a job before the existence of Eve. So. He tells him to work it and keep it.

And from there we're going to look at everything we talk about today. So. Work and keep. We're going to take work and break it into two helpful ways to distinguish it. And then we're going to talk about keep it. The words we're going to use are cultivate.

Provide. And protect. Cultivate. Provide. And protect. That's what he means by work and keep.

That he had a job. He was to work and keep. He was to cultivate. To provide. And to protect. So.

Cultivate. God takes Adam. He puts him in this garden. And he says. Work it. Cultivate this.

Help it grow. And as he later talks to Adam and Eve. He says. Make the rest of the world look like this. There is a call in masculinity. To cultivation.

To development. To making things better. It's deep in us. It's the idea of being a craftsman. So that whether that's.

It's taking raw materials and turning it into something. So a chef. Takes raw ingredients. And turns it into something. Cook boss. He makes the prettiest cakes.

And that is distinctly masculine. Is how he takes raw materials. And turns them into. Like. I saw like this triple layer cake. With like a cherry tree on top.

And you could eat the whole thing. It was amazing. Art. Design. Web design. Landscaping.

Hardscaping. The ability to. To farm. And to build. And to take something. Raw materials.

And turn it into something. Is what we're called to do. Deep. Deep. It's one of the pillars of manhood. And we're supposed to do it.

Everywhere. We are designed. To cultivate. Which really just basically means. We leave it better. As men.

We leave it better. When you go to work. Your job. Is not to just do whatever you can. To skate by. And get a paycheck.

You are there. To cultivate. You are there. To make it better. To make your job better. For having had you work there.

If you live in a house. If you rent an apartment. That place should be better. For you having lived there. It shouldn't slowly decay. Under your care.

It should be. Cleaner. And nicer. And more taken care of. Because you were designed. To cultivate.

If you have relationships. You're designed. To cultivate. To help people grow. To develop them. To take something.

And nurture it. And give it health. And life. So. Husbands. Your wife.

You're supposed to cultivate her. She should flourish. Under your headship. And under your leadership. And under your care. That you would go out of your way.

To help bring out. What is best in her. If you have roommates. And you're going to live with them. For a year. Or two years.

Or three years. You should be. Building into them. They should be better off. For having lived with you. They should look back.

On that time. And say. It was. It was good. And formative. And God's grace.

Towards me. That I lived with you. With this man. Because he. Cultivated me. They might not use that word.

Because that would be weird. Built into me. Challenged me. It's the way. It's the way we're designed to work. This is why guys can do.

Any little bit of a sport. And then go buy. Two hundred dollars worth of equipment. Because you're like. Wouldn't it be better if we had this? Oh this would be way better if we had that.

This is why you. You can't. You play a game. And you immediately go. Oh. I wish this game had this thing.

Because we're designed. To try to make things better. To try to cultivate. To try to bring out life. One of the people I have seen do this the best in my life was my dad. At all points he was working to make everything around him better.

He didn't sit still much. He can walk into. You can walk around with him. If you go stay in a hotel. If you go to a theme park. And after he's been there a couple of hours.

You can say. Okay. What could they do to make this better? And immediately. That's all he's been thinking about. Well they could do this.

If they'd have done 30 minutes more worth of work there. That would look twice as good. Like he. He does that. It drives my wife crazy. But Phillips is.

Change the rules to board games. We'll play a game once. And go. Okay. Next time. These are the new rules.

My wife's like. Why would you change the rules? Because it'll make the game better. That rule was dumb. We have whole sides of dice. That don't even mean anything.

It's like. No. If you roll that. You just do this. We're not doing that anymore. Throw those cards away.

That's not part of the game. Like we just. One of the ways my dad did this in us. Was he was always moving us towards manhood. So you were like five.

And my mom maybe cooked something you didn't like. And you were like. I don't. I'm not going to eat it. It's just. It's not going to happen.

I just. I just hate it. And my dad would look at you. And go. Hey. Boy.

Look at me. You going to grow up to be a man? Yes sir. The answer to that was always yes. You weren't like. I don't know what I'm thinking about.

And my dad asked you that. I said yes sir. He said okay. What if I came home. And your mom cooked something. That I didn't like.

And I walked over and said. I'm not going to eat it. And immediately. This was the most grotesque thing. You could ever see. Because my dad.

Throwing a fit. It's just ugly. You shouldn't see grown men. Throw whiny fits. So you're five.

And you were like. No. You should never do that. And he's like. Right. Come on.

And it was like. Okay. But he would help you see. Something that was happening. When you were five. That was going to.

Like you. You'd be afraid of something. Hyperventilating. Freaking out. I can't ride. I just can't get on this ride.

I can't get on this roller coaster. And he would look at you. And go. Hey. Look at me. You're seven years old.

Look at me. You want to have a wife and kids someday? That's a really heavy question. For a seven year old. Answer. Yes sir.

Like you just. You go. All right. Let me ask you a question. You're asleep. Sound asleep.

You hear a crash. Someone broke into your house. Are you going to go. Or are you going to do what you got to do? It's like. I did not know roller coasters had anything to do.

With burglaries. He's like. Hey. Get control of yourself. Let's go.

And it was like. Okay. I can ride a roller coaster. Because I don't want my kids to die. But here's what my dad was doing.

And sometimes he over applied that. And it got really intense and crazy over things that probably shouldn't have been. But what he was doing is. When you plant. Like if you plant a tomato plant. You go ahead and put that like weird green thing.

The cage around it. Why? Because it's going to grow. You have. You already have a plan for what it's going to do. You know what the goal is.

You're going to get tomatoes off this thing. My dad was looking at us when we were five. And saying. Your goal isn't to be a five-year-old. Your goal is to be a man. And I'm going to cultivate you.

To do that. And as men. That's our job. With everything. Under our care. We leave it better.

Something deep inside of you. Is calling you. To work. To cultivate. To cultivate. And the question isn't.

Are you cultivating? The question is. What are you cultivating? Because something is getting your energy. Something is getting your time. You are waking up and doing something.

Are you cultivating death? Are you cultivating laziness? Are you cultivating harm for others? Are you actually working towards something that's valuable and good and will last? So God took Adam.

He placed him in the garden. And told him to work. Half of that's cultivate. The other half is provide. So men are designed to cultivate.

They're designed to develop. To build. To be craftsmen. And designed to provide. And provision just means this. It's a couple of really simple things.

Off the bat. Have a job. You're supposed to work. Men are supposed to go to bed tired. You're supposed to. God designed it that we would work six days and rest one.

So if you want to say one day a week you can go to bed feeling rested. Go for it. Six days out of the week you need to go to bed tired. You should have a sore back. Some sore feet. Your brain should ache.

You should have been at work. If you're at school. Go to school. Work. Work at school. Get another Job.

Cultivate your friends. Don't think I only got two hours of stuff to do today. And I don't have to do anything on Tuesdays and Thursdays. No you're designed to work. To provide. It means you have a job.

It means if you have a job. Have a budget. To plan ahead. So the provision. When God put him there and said. Make this flourish.

Make this grow. He was to design everything so that it could flourish. So he was supposed to have systems for economics. He was supposed to have systems for when they harvest. When they don't harvest. He was supposed to have systems and design and plans.

For how this works. My wife grew up in Johnston. The peach capital of the world. So take that Georgia. Just because you called the name. Doesn't count.

When I'm riding down to go see. We go visit her dad or something. You're riding and there's like trees and stuff. And it's just woods. And then all of a sudden you'll. You just open up and there's just rows.

Of peaches. Peach trees. They're organized. Do you know why? Because they had a plan. They were designing this.

They were figuring out a way for it to best provide. There's never like peaches. And then cotton underneath. And a few rows of corns going this way. Like it doesn't make any sense. Like we're supposed to figure out and set up systems and provide.

And make ways for things to grow and develop and be healthy. So I just. Girls if you're dating a guy. And he has a budget. That's awesome. You should be excited.

If he's like. I can't do that right now. Budget's kind of tight. You should be like. Wait. You got a spreadsheet?

He'd be like. Yeah. And you'd be like. That's man stuff right there. This means that we as men are designed to do the hard work so that others can benefit. We're designed to do hard work so that others can benefit.

It also means that we go last. Your goal isn't to get the best parking spot if you can walk. You walk. Let other people have the good parking spot. If you're hanging out with your community group and y'all are throwing a party. That means you're going to show up and help provide some of the food.

You're going to show up and help provide some of what's there. And you're going to stay late and help clean up. It means if you and your family just had a baby. You're taking the worst shift at night. You're going to find a way for your wife to sleep. You've got work to do.

You're going to be the one who's tired. You're going to make sure everyone else has what they need first. If you have a roommate and y'all are both hungry. And there's only one Totino's pizza left. Your roommate gets it. And you figure out something else.

Or you go hungry. Because that's man stuff. We go last. We make sure everyone else around us has what they need. We provide what is necessary. We do the hard work so that other people can have this.

This means that we save money for the benefit of others. Some guys it means that you need to take on a roommate. Even though you don't need one. Because maybe they need one. And you'd have the opportunity to cultivate. To pour into them.

To help develop them. Doesn't mean. That your wife can't make more money than you. It just means it's not her job to. She's not the one who's tasked with providing for your family. Recently in my community group.

There was a guy named Jack. Who became a Christian last year. It was really an encouraging thing. As he began to follow Jesus. And his wife got sick. And they just had a baby.

And so they decided it was best for her to not be working. Because of some of the sickness. And some of them having a kid. And so you know what he did? He took on another Job. He gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning.

He goes to work at 6. He works till 2. When he gets off at 2. He goes to his other Job. He works till 9 or 10. When he's not at work.

He's helping watch the kid. He doesn't get to hang out with our group as much. Because he's always at work. And that's beautiful. We try to find ways to get around him. We try to find ways to hang out with him.

But that's what he's designed to do. Is to provide. To work. One of the primary things that distinguishes a boy from a man. Is that a boy's primary way they relate to the world. Is they take.

But men give. If you are dating guys. If you are dating men. Not if you're dating men. Men if you're dating. Stay focused.

You're either going to leave. The woman you are dating. Better. Or worse. For having dated you. You are either going to provide.

For her to flourish. You're either going to help cultivate her. Or you are going to take from her. And if your goal in dating someone. Is to. To see them naked.

To get to have sex with them. To get to. Partake from them. To get to. They exist for your benefit. That's boy stuff.

That's not what men do. You're designed. To cultivate. To protect. To provide. And to make everything around you better.

This also means. That you can't just be. Provision isn't just. Well I make sure that the bills are paid. And I make sure there's food on the table. If your wife is physically fed.

But spiritually famished. You're not providing. You're not setting up the systems. You were designed to set up. If you have a daughter. Who drives a Mercedes.

But doesn't know you. And you never pursue her. I can tell you one thing. We could line up. All the girls at the University of South Carolina. And we could say.

See some whose dad worked two and three jobs. And scraped by. To buy a beater car off a Craigslist. But pursued their daughters. Loved their daughters. Talked to their daughters.

And we could have some that. Their dad gave them everything they ever wanted. Except for him. And I'll tell you what. The ones with the beater cars. Wouldn't trade their dad in for a Mercedes.

And the ones with the Mercedes. Would trade it every time. You're designed to set up. A system to provide. And to cultivate. Those around you.

I heard one pastor put it this way. I thought it was helpful. This is specifically for guys who are married and have kids. When you go to work. That's first shift. When you come home from work.

You are not off work. You are starting second shift. Second shift is where you save your wife from your children. And on some days. Your children from your wife. But it's your job to be around your kids.

To roll around on the floor. To assault them in a healthy way. When your kids go to sleep at eight, nine o'clock. You're not off work. Third shift just started. It's time for you to talk to your wife.

It's time for you to pursue her. It's time for you to discuss with her. It's time for you. And you say okay. And then what happens? Well you probably go to sleep.

Because you're exhausted. What about me time? Wake up at four in the morning. That's me time. Or you don't get any. That's how that works.

You were designed to work. And to go to bed tired. Okay. Got to move on. Protect. So he says work it and keep it.

Work it. We talked about in cultivate and provide. Keep it. He means to defend it. The word there is like to be a shield. To protect what you have.

We as men are designed to protect. And universally this one is understood as manly. As what men are supposed to do. We don't have much push back on the idea of protection. In 2012 at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. At a midnight showing of the dark night.

A man walked in in a trench coat. Wearing a flak jacket. Threw out some gas canisters. Smoke canisters. And began to take an assault rifle and fire into the crowd. In that showing were two young men with their girlfriends.

Who pushed their girlfriends to the ground. And laid their bodies on top of them. Bullets ripped through their bodies and into their girlfriends. Their girlfriends were wounded. And both of those young men died. Worldwide they were heralded as heroes.

Because we understand that's what's supposed to happen. Men are supposed to take the fall so that others can go free. They're supposed to stick their necks out on behalf of others. That same year there was a, in Europe off the coast of Italy, there was a boat that sank. And there were reports that men were pushing women and children out of the way to get to the life rafts first. Universally, that was called heinous cowardice.

Because we know deep inside of us that men are designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Men are designed to take punishment on behalf of others. There's a seminary professor and I heard this story. He teaches his sons. He's got some sons. And he teaches them that boys take the fall so the girl can go free.

Boys take the fall so the girl can go free. And he teaches them this all the time. And he was in his office and he was watching his son riding a wagon down a hill. Hill. Watching him ride a wagon down a hill. And just completely out of control.

And so at this point there's nothing he can do but watch. He's just like, okay, let's see how badly this goes for him. And so the kid's just losing it, careening down this hill. And as he's getting towards the bottom, a girl about two years younger than his son, his son was younger at the time, comes riding out on a tricycle. And so he's like, okay, this just got worse. And he's watching his son.

His son starts rocking the cart back and forth as best he can. And just tips the whole thing over. And just makes it ten times worse. Just goes barreling down this hill. I mean, smacking his body, rolling. And his dad jumps up and immediately runs outside.

Knows that this is one of those, like, are we going to the hospital type moments. Runs up to his son. His son's bleeding and crying. He looks at him and goes, I did it, Dad. The boy takes the fall. The girl goes free.

And 100,000 times yes. That is what men are designed to do. We're designed to take a beating on behalf of others. Real practically. Periodically. This means periodically we'll hear noises at my house.

And the other night I heard a loud noise and I rolled over and tapped my wife. And I said, hey, you know how I'm really progressive and I don't try to hold you back. She said, yeah, boo. She's real sweet when I wake up at night. And I said, do you hear that noise? And she said, yeah, it's your turn.

Go defend the baby. No, that doesn't happen. I don't care if your wife is an army ranger with a black belt. You hear a noise, that's your job. Cover me. I got it.

I work IT. Somebody's going down. Like, I mean, that's just how it works. It's your job. Men are designed by God to protect. Now, this doesn't have anything to do with stature.

This doesn't have anything to do with testosterone levels. This doesn't have anything to do with what kind of Job you work. None of those do. We're designed to cultivate. We're designed to provide. And we're designed to protect.

We leave it better. We do the hard work so that others can benefit. And we go last. And we take the fall so others can go free. That's what masculinity is. That's what we're designed to do.

That's what God put Adam there to do. And then chapter 3 happens of Genesis. And in chapter 3, I'm just going to tell you this story and we'll look at a few verses. Chapter 3. It says, it tells us the story of a snake comes up. So Eve's there at this point.

A snake comes up and starts talking to Eve. Now, let's go ahead and give them a little bit of credit. Because first of all, you're like, snake talks to me. Situation is over. This was before sin. So they hadn't been tricked before.

They hadn't been harmed before. So, of course, snake talks to you. Right. You're getting out of there. But let's just give them some benefit of the doubt.

They didn't realize how really messed up the situation had just gotten. Snake talks to Eve and begins to lie to her about what God said. And tricks her into the verse we read earlier where God says, don't eat of this tree. Tricks her and deceives her into eating of the tree. And then the Bible says something absolutely crazy. Flip to Genesis chapter 3.

I want us to look at verse 6. Verse 6. This whole story is playing out of this conversation between Eve and the snake. And verse 6 says, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. That's the first time he shows up in the story. He was there the whole time.

He absolutely abdicated what he was supposed to do. He absolutely backed out of his call to cultivate her, his call to provide for her, and mostly to protect her. He was just there. Then it says that this was sin, and this is what immediately caused a rift between them and between God. And then God shows up in the garden, and he calls for Adam. He's not looking for Eve.

He's looking for Adam. And then Adam, as God begins to question him about this situation, Adam says this in verse 12. The man said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate. That's his response. It was the woman that you gave me. I think we can clearly see I had nothing to do with this.

And we immediately, in chapters 3, see three of the biggest issues when it comes to us living out biblical masculinity, our apathy, sinful aggression, and blame. Apathy. He was there, but he just didn't do anything. We were hanging out with our community group the other day, and my son, who's walking and tearing everything up all the time, was over in somebody else's house tearing stuff up. And so my wife got up and went and picked him up and took care of him, and then she walked over and handed him to her husband, who was with her. And that was the first time I showed up in that story.

Because of apathy. I just didn't want to get up. Because this is at work in me, and it's at work in all of us. And then sinful aggression. When Adam should have been aggressive towards the snake, he takes out his aggression by blaming others. It was her fault.

The one time he actually shows a little bit of some of the aggression God gave him that he should have used in a helpful way. It's only an aggression at those around him, not to help them, but to harm him. So the two major sin issues that we'll see in masculinity is apathy, where men just abdicate the role they were given, or when they wrongfully use their aggression and their size to domineer over others. And the third one is blame. It's not my fault. It was the woman's fault.

I mean, it's not me. It's my boss. It's not me. It's these daggum kids I got. If I'd have just had a different father, if I could have just gone to school, if I'd have just had that kind of Job, man, if I'd had that kind of money growing up, it's not my fault. The one that's the most bizarre to me but gets used so often is we blame our apathy.

Man, I don't know. I'm just apathetic. I would have done that, but, you know, I just, I don't know. I just don't, I don't feel like it. I don't have the energy. Like, that's a valid excuse.

And here's what I know about Adam. Here's what I know about us. You swap out any man in this room for Adam, this story plays out. At some point, we all get kicked out of the garden. At some point, we all abdicate our role. At some point, we fail to cultivate, provide, and protect.

None of us stay in the garden. Romans 5. Thankfully to God, that's the first bit of the book, and it keeps going. Romans chapter 5 is going to be on page 612. We're going to start with verse 12. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, who'd sin come through?

Adam. Who ate the fruit first? Eve. Who gave it to Adam? Eve. Who talked to the snake?

Eve. Who'd sin come through? Adam. Because of his apathy. Because of his failure to do what God had designed him to do. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.

This sin of Adam has spread to all of us and ultimately leads to death, but is working death in us all of the days of our lives. For sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was of type of the one who was to come. Okay, so Adam prefigured someone else who was going to come. He was a type of someone else to come. But the free gift is not like the trespass.

For if many died through one man's trespass, so Adam brings death to everybody, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for many. And the free gift is not like the result of the one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass, which is sin, brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. It means he made us right. For if because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

Jesus perfectly fulfilled masculinity on our behalf. He was the better Adam. Where Adam apathetically stood by and didn't help, Jesus steps into a situation that was not his to fix, but only he could fix, and he steps in to make everything better. Jesus perfectly, where Adam was passive when he should have been aggressive and aggressive when he should have been humble and passive, Jesus was the opposite. Perfectly walking aggression and gentleness out, perfectly loving and pursuing and fighting against the real enemy, sin and death. And where Adam failed to protect, where Adam at the end pointed at his wife and said, it's her fault, put her head on the chopping block.

She should be the one to blame. Jesus stepped in and said, it's their fault. It's Adam's fault. It's your fault. Put my head on the chopping block. I'll be the one to blame.

Jesus is the ultimate man who took the fall so that we could go free and perfectly fulfilled masculinity for us and perfectly walked it out and showed us what it looks like to cultivate, to provide, and to protect. He did everything on the cross that Adam failed to do. He did everything on the cross that we failed to do. And our options as men, you're either in Adam, either have death at work in you, or you're in Christ, where you have life at work in you through Jesus' work on your behalf. You either have Adam's work on your behalf and your work joined in with him, or you have Jesus' work on your behalf that overcomes all the terrible work we've ever done.

And through Jesus, we can actually be men. Not to say that Christians can't be masculine. Not to say that men who don't know Jesus can't fulfill some of these things. But it'll never be complete. It'll never be fulfilled. And we'll be consistently looking for something to make sure that we have value.

Consistently looking for something to make sure that... I'm a real man because I can pick stuff up and put it down. I'm a real man because I got a good job that makes money. I'm a real man because I know how to shoot a deer. I'm a real man because I don't care about all those stereotypes. And I'm secure in my own mask.

Like, whatever. We'll begin to use that to put others down and to raise us up. Just like Adam looked at Eve and said, put her down, raise me up. She's the problem. As long as you see her as the issue, I get to be okay. And Jesus does the opposite where he takes the blame on our behalf, where he takes the fall so we can go free.

And in Christ, we can actually be made into real men. So by God's grace, this is what we're pursuing here. To be men who know that Jesus is the real man. Jesus is the one who works life in us, who paid for our sin and our debt and makes us actually able to be men. And then as we follow Jesus and as we fail, we trust in Jesus. But as we follow Jesus, we work to cultivate and to provide and to protect.

And we work to call men to be men here. And by God's grace, we will work and fight and go out exhausted. We'll go to sleep tired and then one day, we'll close our eyes and take our last breath, absolutely worn out, strung out, exhausted from living our life for the sake of others. Pouring ourselves out for the benefit of others, working hard, going out with our boots on because we've been at work. And we've been protecting and providing and cultivating just as God called us to. And everywhere we failed, we just leaned into Jesus who perfectly did it on our behalf.

That's our desire here. To have men, to train men, to turn boys into men, to take our sons and make them men and to follow Jesus the whole time. The band's going to come back up and play and we're going to sing. Men, where we've been failing at this, where we've been apathetic, where we've been blaming others, where we've been wrongfully exerting aggression on those around us to control our situation and make ourselves look better, we need to repent. We need to repent to those that we've harmed. Single men, you need to realize that while married men have a clear and direct example of those that they are harming through their apathy because their wife or their children walk around with them on a regular basis.

Just because you are single and the people that you are harming through your apathy don't follow you around, you're still called to cultivate. You're still called to make those around you better. You're still called to be active in what it means to be a man. And all of us are called to repent and to point to Jesus because when Adam looked around in the garden and said, someone has to take the blame for this, he just knew that he couldn't handle the weight of his own failure and he looked around and said, someone takes the blame and thousands of years later Jesus stepped forward. When Adam looked at God and said, it's your fault, Jesus in Christ says, yes, I'll take that.

I'll take the blame even though I don't deserve it and he stepped up and took the blame for us and so when we fail, we get to look at Jesus who's already taken the blame on our behalf, who's already taken the weight on our behalf and we get to repent, confess and know that Jesus ultimately handled it and we get to follow him and what real masculinity looks like. God, we pray that by your grace, males would be men, that we would love and serve and protect those around us, that we would humbly sacrifice and lead. God, we pray that we would cultivate, that everything around us would be better because we were there, because you were at work in us. God, we pray that we would put others first, that we would put ourselves last, that we would do hard work for the benefit of others.

God, we pray that you would help us to take the fall so others can go free and to stick our necks out for the sake of others. That you would work in us to perfectly cultivate, provide and protect. And God, I pray that we would follow after you, leaning into you and our failures and that the men in this room who have lived their life in Adam would place their faith in Jesus to be set free from all their failures because you took the blame for us, to be made new and that we might follow you as men. I pray that the women in our church family would encourage men to be men, would point it out, would welcome it.

I pray that the ladies in this room that are dating guys would not put up with boys that can shave but would follow after the true man, Jesus, until he brings along a man following after him. God, we ask for your grace and your work on our behalf. Pray that men will repent and follow you. In Jesus' name, Amen.