Wisdom and Womanhood (Proverbs 31:1-31)

Use this guide to help your group discussion as you meet this week.

Wisdom and Womanhood

Matt Freeman

Transcript

Thank you. Who's man enough to teach on womanhood? Go ahead and grab a Bible.

If you grab one of the blue ones, we're going to be Proverbs 31. That's page 318. If you need a Bible that's large print, the black ones in the rows are large print Bibles. Just ask your neighbor, say, I need one of those. If you don't have a Bible, would love for you to take one of those blue ones with you. That's our gift to you.

And especially as we walk through the Proverbs. The Proverbs talk a ton about wisdom. And having a Bible and reading the Bible is kind of step one. But what the Proverbs present to us is how to live a life of wisdom and to avoid a life of folly or a life of foolishness. And the Proverbs are going to talk about manhood and womanhood. And the passage we're looking at today is kind of the quintessential passage on biblical womanhood.

So go ahead and take a look. We'll look at verse 1. The words of King Lemuel, an oracle, an oracle being a teaching or a saying. We don't really use that word a whole lot. But an oracle that his mother taught him.

The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him. Now, we don't know that much about King Lemuel. He wasn't one of the kings of Israel. It's possible that he was a king from the surrounding area. But what we do know is that when Lemuel was asked about wisdom, what he shared were things that his mom taught him.

That he actually lived a life that was shaped by the wisdom sayings from his mother. And the truth is I resonate with that. My whole life has been shaped by godly biblical women. When I think about my grandmothers, my mom's mom isn't with us anymore. But she was a wonderful person, had a wonderful personality, was always smiling, had a song in her mouth, singing hymns.

Like some of my favorite memories are at her house. My dad's mom loves the Lord. I was just talking with Louise before we got started today. My grandmother is 83, and she just kind of stopped being a volunteer secretary at her church. My mom raised me to love the Lord, discipled me, taught me how to follow Jesus. I am married to a godly biblical woman who loves the Lord.

When I first met her, I was blown away by that, how much she loved the Lord. And I think about the women in my community group. I think about the women in our church. My life has been shaped by godly women. And when you look at King Lemuel, when he shares wisdom, it's coming from his mother. And so if you've been around the church, you have probably heard Proverbs 31 talked about in some form or fashion.

It is kind of that quintessential passage on biblical womanhood. But when I talk to females, a lot of times they look at Proverbs 31 with a mixture of both awe and anxiety. Like, how amazing is this woman and what on earth? In fact, some of you got antsy this morning when you realized that's what we were talking about. You're going, oh, not again. I don't want to do that.

But how you read Proverbs 31 has everything to do with how you understand it and how you live in light of it. So I want to put two things against each other. You can't read Proverbs 31 like it's a women's blog. This is not a mom blog. Every once in a while, Katie shows me some of the things she finds on the Internet. It's like 12 ways to be a mom and still slay in the business world.

Like 43 ways to know whether you're a good mom or not. Like, ladies, when you read those, are they ever really all that helpful? Don't you just kind of get to the end and you're just depressed? They're mostly written by people who are just really good at this one little thing. And they wrote about it and you get to the end of it and it wasn't helpful. And they just kind of wanted to brag on themselves.

That's not how you read Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 is not a checklist. It's not a scoreboard. The way we look at Proverbs 31 has got to be way more like an adventure story. It's got to be way more like an adventure story. When I was growing up, my mom would read to me at night.

She'd read me all kinds of stories. But some of my favorite ones were the adventure stories. You know the type. It's about the knight in shining armor. And there's this mission that someone has to go on. And he volunteers for it.

And he goes off by himself. And he meets people along the way. He befriends the lonely. They become his band of travelers. They come across a village that's on fire. And they all rush in and rescue all the people.

And along the journey, they come under attack by marauders. And he takes an arrow in the chest. He just like breaks it off. And he doesn't have food for 43 days. Gets to the castle and still slays the dragon and gets the princess. It's an adventure story.

The point of the story is not that you would take an arrow to the chest and break it off. The reason we love those stories is because of the values they highlight. Courage. Sacrifice. Bravery. Friendship.

Love. That's what we get in Proverbs 31. There are a lot of specific examples that are brought up in Proverbs 31. But it's not a checklist. It's not a scoreboard. The reason it's talked about as an ideal is that it's an ideal.

No one woman could ever possibly do all of the things that are talked about here. So our goal today is going to be walk through the specific examples. And we're going to see some values rise to the top. And we're going to look at those and see how we might respond to it. And then we're going to see how the gospel is good news to every woman who chooses to pursue a wise life of following Jesus. Okay?

So that's how we're going to look at it today. And men. Men. Don't tune out. You've got to learn how to support your wives as they try to work through this. Some of you are raising daughters.

Some of you guys are single guys and you're looking for what kind of woman do I want to pursue. Men. You exist in community groups with women who are trying to chase after this. So today is actually very important for our church family to understand what is scripture calling us to here. Okay? So let's pray before we hop into the bulk of this text.

God, we need your help. God, we need you to show us how the good news of the gospel brings hope to women as they pursue you, as they pursue wisdom, so that all of us might respond to this incredibly well. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, so let's kind of get back to the beginning again. Proverbs 31 is broken up into two sections. The first one isn't specific to womanhood, but it does have some wise things that King Luke's name is.

Lemuel's mother shares with him. And then the back half is where the stuff on womanhood comes from. And so we're going to blitz through this a little bit quickly, but go ahead and look at chapter 31, verse 1. It says this. The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him. What are you doing, my son?

What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? So what's the first thing King Lemuel remembers? What are you doing? Any moms or parents resonate with that? Like the next time that just flows out of your mouth to your child, like, remember, that's biblical.

Maybe like give yourself a pat on the back. One of the commentaries I read called this affectionately reproachful. It's like, son, I love you, but what on earth? I'll be honest. That's a lot of how wisdom came to me as a child. But it is.

It's this mother talking to her son. And then verse 3, we begin to see some of the wisdom that she shares. Verse 3. Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. It is not for kings, O Lemuel. It is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to take strong drink.

Lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to the one who is perishing and wine to those in bitter distress. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth. Judge righteously.

Defend the rights of the poor and needy. So the mother of the king says, don't chase women and don't chase drunkenness. That's a good word, right? So basically she says, don't be the kind of person that is driven by lust or by desire. She says, don't chase women. Listen, we get a king in scripture who needed to hear that, right?

That's the story of King David. King David didn't go to war with his troop. He's back home. He goes up on the roof. He sees Bathsheba and the rest of that story goes terribly. He needed that wisdom.

Don't pursue drunkenness. Don't use it to put away your misery or to get things from your mind. Treat alcohol appropriately. Why? Because you've got God-given responsibilities that you've been called to. Judge righteously.

Defend the weak. Defend the poor. And so while this isn't specific to womanhood, what we do get a picture of here is a woman who had huge impact on her son. When I think about the ladies in our church, the women all across this room, and the impact that you guys have in all kinds of different spheres, you have the ability to have this kind of effect, this kind of impact. It helps shape King Lemuel. Now we're going to transition again into the passage that is specifically about being a woman of wisdom.

And I want to say this again. The point of this is not to get all hung up in the nitpicky details. I think there are parts of the details that are helpful depending on your situation and depending on your context. But what we're hoping to do is walk through these verses and hope that values begin to rise to the top because values can be applied in a whole wealth of context. And then we're going to post up and say, okay, what did we learn? What did we learn about those values?

Okay? Verse 10. An excellent wife who can find. She is far more precious than jewels. An excellent wife who can find. Or an excellent woman.

See, this whole passage is framed by the idea of showing us the excellent life or woman. And the way he ends is he addresses women. It's the same word in Hebrew. He says they are far more precious, far more valuable than wealth. Men, see that. See the wealth of a godly biblical woman.

Women, see the intrinsic wealth and value. That you have given to you by God. Far more precious than jewels. Verse 11. The heart of her husband trusts in her. And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. The heart of her husband trusts in her. She's trustworthy. He feels safe and secure around her. There's no need for hiding. There's no need for pretense.

Her words and her actions are honest. She's reliable. She comes through. And it says she does him good and not harm. I like that it says both. It's not just that she does him good.

She also intentionally tries not to harm him. That's a good thing. But what this basically could say is that she does him all good all the time. It says all the days. When I think about all the days, that reminds me of wedding vows. I've had the opportunity to preach some of the weddings of the couples in this room.

And when you think about the vows they make to each other, maybe the traditional vows, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health, till death do us part. She's in. She's steadfast. He is secure in her. Verse 13. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.

She's like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. Now, that's a little bit lost on us because not many of us, not many of you women are making clothes at home. Like you don't just have a pile of flax in a closet. If you do, that's cool. If that's your thing, you know, into DIY and making clothes.

But what I want to emphasize here is the value. This isn't, it's not just about the contextual point. It says that she works with willing hands. So whatever she's been given, whatever she's doing, she's working with willing hands. This isn't begrudging submission. She's taking the opportunity that she's been given and she's working hard.

And she's willing to go to great lengths. It compares her to ships of the merchant. The merchant ships would go out and they would cross the seas and they'd have to fight against waves and weather. And they would go get the goods and they would risk themselves to bring back goods for the people. So it shows us a woman who is willing to work with willing hands and to go to great lengths for those that are entrusted to her.

Those that she cares about. You see that? See how beautiful that is? Verse 15. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She's diligent.

It says she gets up early. Like super early. It says while it is yet night. Like she wakes the rooster up. This woman is working hard. She is diligent and she's doing so so that she can provide food for her house and maidens.

And again, don't get wrapped up in the thing that she's doing. See her willingness to sacrifice for the good of those around her. You see that? She's willing to sacrifice and get up super early so that she can love and care for those around her. Verse 16. She considers a field and buys it.

With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. Y'all, we're like, I don't know, six verses in. And she's hustling. Right? She's making clothes. She's working with her hands.

She's getting up early. She's providing food for her house. Here's the point I want to make, though. She's not a prisoner in her own home. You see that? She's out considering a field and buying it.

She's entrusted. She has authority. She has leadership to make some decisions and to execute some plans. And so I want to pause for a second. This isn't a main point of this passage, but I do think it's helpful to point out. When you look at the totality of Scripture, Scripture talks a ton about how women are well-suited as image bearers of God to nurture children and to care for the home.

They're well-suited for it. It's part of how God created them. It's part of what He poured into them. And y'all know that's true. If you had to put women and men beside each other, you know who's more nurturing and caring. It's a beautiful aspect of the way that they get to bear God's image to the world.

It's modeled after Jesus. They get to serve like Jesus. And so we yes and amen where Scripture talks about that. But this verse shows that that's not all she's doing. She bought a field and she planted a vineyard. And so when King Lemuel's mom is describing a woman of wisdom, she doesn't choose between a housewife and a woman working outside the home.

She holds up both as beautiful and valid. And so what I want to say to husbands and wives in the room is that this is something you've got to talk about and work at together. Each family is different. Every couple is different. Your life, the things that you have to do, you have different seasons in life that are going to require different things of husbands and wives. Sometimes one is going to be diminished while the other takes greater weight in terms of responsibility.

And this is something that Katie and I worked at together. So for those of you who know my wife, know she is brilliant. She is unbelievably talented and gifted. She got her bachelor's degree and then she went and got a master's in middle level science. And so when we moved to Plant Mill City Church, she was able to get a job as a middle school teacher. She was able to get a master's degree and did incredibly successful, did a great job.

But when she got pregnant with Emmy, we sat down at the table and discussed and talked about how do we want to do this. And she said, Matt, I want to stay home. I want to stay home with our children. I want to care for them. I want to serve and sacrifice and be a blessing to our family. And honestly, it was a sacrifice for our whole family because I don't know if y'all know this, but church planting is not a lucrative adventure.

But we looked at it and saw it as something that is good and valuable. And it's been a blessing. She's continued to work. She's done part time jobs. And we've talked about when the time comes, when the girls are in school, that that she's she's got opportunities in front of her. But but husbands and wives, we talked about it.

Every family is different. Talk about it. Pray about it. Wrestle with what Scripture says and then live in light of it. Let's keep going.

Verse 17. Says she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Basically, that means she does CrossFit. Not really. If she did CrossFit, it would be written here because you're legally required to tell people if you do CrossFit.

Have I have I mentioned that I did CrossFit? OK, here's literally what it means is that she's gotten herself physically prepared for what's ahead. This is not about curls and planks, though maybe. But it means that she's gotten herself physically prepared for what's ahead. Verse 18. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She's still working, making clothes, buying fields, planting vineyards, selling merchandise. It says her lamp does not go out at night. So not only does she get up while it's night, she lights the lamp and stays up at night.

That's terrifying. Because you read that and you go, OK, so to be a wise woman, I have to burn the candle at both ends, right? Again, this is one of the pictures that should show us this is an ideal. If you get up super early and go to bed super late every night, you actually can't accomplish what verse 17 calls you to. That you would be physically prepared for what's in front of you. See that?

In fact, the value being held up here is a woman who works hard and makes sacrifices to do that. But don't get hung up on those details. Verse 20. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. Two things I want to point out here.

One is that she's generous. She's a generous lady. I think about the women in this room. This room is full of generous women. And so the reason she can do that is that she's worked hard. She's taken care of things.

And so she's not only generous to her loved ones. She has eyes for those that are needy around her. She sees the poor and she is generous towards them. The other thing is that she's prepared. She's not afraid of snow for her household. Obviously, she's up in the third watch of the night making scarves.

She's not worried about the snow. But because of her preparations, everyone around her is secure. Good news for you ladies is that you live in the south. This really isn't a skill you've got to worry about. Except for like once every ten years, the skill you need to be worried about is like how to shank someone when you're going to get bread and milk at the grocery store. So like up in your room at night, like working on your skills.

Not necessarily making warm clothes. But she's generous. And because of her preparations, people around her are secure. Verse 22. She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Does this mean she makes bed coverings and fine linen clothes for herself? Yes. Is it possibly highlighting something more? Also yes.

Talking about bed coverings and fine linen. And you may feel uncomfortable. Just imagine Lemuel having this conversation with his mom about bed coverings and fine linen. Oh mom, stop. Gross. Ew.

But the point here is that a woman of wisdom pursues her husband. Now, everything we've talked about so far is pursuit of her husband. The way that she loves. The way that she serves. The way that she gives of her time. But also, part of that is pursuing her husband intimately.

So that they can be connected. So that there can be oneness and love and joy in their house. Verse 23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. That's awesome. This wife's hard work and her character are so on display that when people connect her husband to her, it boosts his reputation.

That his reputation is better because she is his wife. And so ladies, that's I think the thread to draw through there is when someone connects you to someone else. Whether that's your siblings or your parents or your children or the people in your community group. And they go, oh, oh, they know each other. Does that lift that person in their eyes? Do they think well of them because they're acquainted with you?

Verse 24. She makes linen garments and sells them. She delivers sashes to the merchant. I've lost count of jobs at this point. I mean, she's doing a good job. She's got lots of side hustles.

She's on it. Verse 25. Strength and dignity are her clothing. And she laughs at the time to come. I love this one. Strength and dignity are her clothing.

Not talking about her actual appearance. Not her actual clothing. But strength and dignity are so much a part of her character and conduct that they seem to her as clothing. To a watching world. She laughs at the time to come because she's prepared. Verse 26.

She opens her mouth with wisdom. And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. A woman of wisdom speaks wisdom. A woman of wisdom speaks wisdom. Well, where does wisdom come from? Wisdom comes from the Lord.

Wisdom comes from His Word. A girl knows her Bible. She knows how to teach it. And how to use it to build others up and to teach and to correct. A woman whose mouth is filled with wisdom so that she can be helpful and gracious. Verse 27.

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. If there was a verse that could have just been left out, it's that one. Like, she's not lazy. You know. Like, she is working hard. There's no one who's arguing that this lady is being idle.

Her children rise up and call her blessed. And her husband also. And he praises her. Love that. Listen. I love to hear my daughters talk about their mom.

I love it. I love to hear them tell her that they love her. That when they sit at our kitchen table and they're drawing pictures, they're drawing pictures of mom and for mom. When we sit down to eat dinner, they want to sit beside their mom. When it comes time for bed, they want mom to put them to bed. They love their mom.

And that's a beautiful thing. And Spencer said this out the gate. And I just want to second it. If you have a relationship with your mom. It's Mother's Day. If there's one thing that you can call and thank your mom for and praise her for, please do that.

Do that. It says her children rise up and call her blessed. Husbands. I want to challenge you. Because the way that children love to rise up and call their mom blessed is that they have first seen that modeled. They have heard you blessing and praising your wife.

Men. They have heard you in your community group talking in a good way about the women in your group. It also says her husband praises her. So husbands. Take that as a challenge. Like how are your words gracious towards your wife?

Are you pointing out the good things in her? Are you only pointing out the things that you wish were different? So as we walk through this list today, don't have a scorecard in your mind either that like on the car ride home you're going to be like, well, it talked about. First of all, the Father's Day sermon is coming. So don't.

I mean. But men, let's be men of character who see the women in our church for who they are and how hard they work and how much they give themselves. Verse 29. This is kind of the ending here. It's getting to the end. It's in quotes.

It says, Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. Right? Right? The ideal woman that is described here. Amazing characteristics. It is excellent.

But again, the picture, what we need to remember here is that the picture of the ideal woman is just that. It's an ideal. Women. You cannot perfectly embody this. That is not the point of it. But I hope that even as we walk through, you could see a theme.

Again, you saw different values that were beginning to rise to the top. And there's a lot that you can pull out of this passage, but I just want to highlight four. Okay? I want to highlight four for us that are beautiful. And I want to say this. I want to keep saying it.

I see these four characteristics in the women in our church. This is beautiful. I see these. I think you're going to see it too. First one is this. It says, Now, she takes care of the poor.

Her posture is to be focused on others. She sacrifices. She gets up early. She does all these things because she's learned the joy of living a life focused on others. And again, don't get focused on the specifics. Don't get wrapped up in the little nitpicky details.

You could really put anything in here that's focused on other people, and it computes. It gives evidence to this. Here's just a few. A woman of wisdom gives up time in her schedule to talk to you on the phone when you're struggling. A woman of wisdom looks at you and says, Hey, can I watch your kids for you? You seem tired.

A woman of wisdom claps when she sees another woman succeeding or getting opportunities rather than being jealous. You can stretch this line across every aspect of our life because it's a value. And so ladies, I think one of the, and really for all of us, but ladies specifically, I think you can think about what do my thought patterns look like? The words that I say, the things that I do. Am I thinking about myself most of the time? Or do I have a concern in my mind for the needs of others?

When I speak, am I just talking about myself or for my own gain? Or am I building others up? How I use my social media stuff? My actions, are they focused on others or are they just self-serving? And the truth is we see this modeled in Jesus. When Jesus is asked, what's the greatest commandment?

He says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. So Jesus tells us right there that the key to a wise life, a full life, is that we would love God and love other people. And there's a ton of joy there. And I'll be honest, guys, this was modeled for me. My mom embodied this through and through. My mom embodied this.

So by the time I was born, my mom had graduated from Clemson. She was, which tells you how wise she is. She was teaching. My brother had already been born. They had found someone to watch my brother. But when it came time for me to be born, her and my dad made the decision for her to stay at home.

My mom was a good teacher. And so her job became getting us to ball practices and getting us to school and taking care of us and taking care of our home. And you might think that she had put her teaching on the back burner. But no, she was selfless. She was others focused. That became teaching Sunday school.

That became teaching VBS. That became teaching and counseling and caring for women. As she taught with other ladies in our church on the phone. As she volunteered as a part of our senior adult ministry. As she took pictures at my wrestling matches and gave them away for free. My mom embodied a selfless, others focused life.

And I want to say this. My mom's value did not come from her being focused on others. It was evidence of the value she knew she had in Jesus. Which gave her the heart and the example to follow how to serve and love others. Second thing. A woman of wisdom cares more about her character than her beauty.

A woman of wisdom cares more about her character than her beauty. We've already seen that this woman is generous. That she's not known for the things that she wears. She's clothed with dignity. The way she holds herself and carries herself. The way she spends her time.

The way she gives of her heart and her service. When she opens her mouth to share wisdom. It says it's kind. There's kindness. And there's a difference between kindness and niceness. Niceness just tells people what they want to hear.

To make them feel good. Kindness knows when wisdom is appropriate for building up. And when wisdom is appropriate to help correct. But you see this embodied in her character. One of the ones I love here is that in verse 12 it says. Remember it says the heart of her husband trusts in her.

This is my wife. I trust my wife. I can be wide open with her. I'll tell you all this story. Katie and I met each other. We were working at a church together.

And you know sparks were flying. You could tell. Like we liked each other. But we weren't dating yet. But one Sunday morning after church service.

We decided to go eat lunch together. So we went to Subway. That's right. We went to Subway. There's not that much in Clinton. Okay.

Clinton, South Carolina. But we went to Subway. And I don't know what happened. But we sat there for hours. And I just felt so comfortable with her. That I just opened up.

I shared stuff from my past. I shared my insecurities. I talked about sin struggles. Things I wasn't proud of in my past. I talked about where I was currently struggling. And since that day.

My heart has not stopped trusting in my wife. I love that. I feel safe with her. I don't have to hide. There's no room for pretense. She makes me feel safe.

Now dating advice. Guys. That worked out well for me. Don't do that. Don't do that. Might not work out good for you.

God was gracious. God is good. Number three. A woman of wisdom finds joy in all situations. A woman of wisdom finds joy in all situations. Now this one's a little bit harder to see.

But it's evident. You see it in adjectives like. She works with willing hands. At no point do you see her slacking or being idle. You don't see any contempt in the things that she does. She's come to find the joy in all situations.

And whether she's at home or planting a field or making food. She finds joy in all situations. She finds joy in all situations. Because. She has learned that obedience. In the tasks that God has called her to.

That's where joy can actually exist. Because when the Bible talks about joy. It's not talking about happiness. It talks. It's more reflective of a deep seated satisfaction. In knowing who God is.

And what he's done. In knowing who you are. And who God's called you to be. That whether things are good. Or things are bad. Or you're doing things you want to.

Or not doing things. Or doing things you don't want to do. You find your joy. In the Lord. That doesn't mean. That.

You might not have to check your heart sometimes. That your motivations. Might not be great. That you might not want to work with willing hands. You might not want to be kind. Or generous.

But what I want to point out here is that. In those moments. The woman who. Repents. Of that heart. Repents of those attitudes.

Gets the joy of the Lord restored to her. Because she's going. I want to choose something better. I'm going to choose. Joy. I repent of my heart.

My action. My attitude. I'm going to choose to find joy. In all of these situations. The fourth thing is this. And this one.

It's the easiest. It's why I put it last. A woman of wisdom. Works hard. No doubt. No doubt.

We've seen it all over the place. It's working with willing hands. It's going to great lengths. It's rising early. Going to bed late. Considering a field.

Buying it. Planting it. Selling stuff. Making stuff. I mean. She contributes to the world.

But. Ladies. I think it's helpful. Again. It's. Regardless of context.

I think a helpful question to ask is. What has God given you to do? And are you doing it to the best of your ability? What has God given you to do? And are you doing it to the best of your ability? Are you.

Being lazy. Or jealous. Or disorganized. And I. I'll be honest. There's not a whole lot of correcting being done right here.

I look across this room. The women in this church work hard. And I'm thankful for it. It is a beautiful gift. You look at these values. And they're.

That. That's amazing. That's beautiful. And I see that. All across this room. And now we get to figure out.

How do we apply that. Into the lives that God has called us to. But I still. I still get worried. That when we read a passage like Proverbs 31. You're still thinking scoreboard.

You're still thinking checklist. Even though I said don't worry about specifics. You've already. Even though we're just looking at values. And so I think there's room. For different kinds of responses to this.

I think you could look at this and respond. I'm actually crushing that. I'm doing. I'm doing pretty good. It may not be perfect. But I'm doing pretty good.

I'm at least doing better. Than all the other women in my community group. That's dangerous. You might be thinking. Well okay. I'm.

I'm. I'm not. I'm not doing great. But I. I'm. I'm trying.

You know. If I just got up a little bit earlier. And I went to bed a little bit later. And I just. Spent some more time with my kids. And I just made some more scarves.

I mean. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not doing it. But. But I.

I can. I can. If I white knuckle. And I. If I just do better. And try harder.

I can. I can do this. It's possible that some of you look at this. And you think. Who cares? You may think I'm my own person.

You might think. Actually. This is a little bit backwoods. This is a little bit oppressive. Haven't we moved beyond this? We really got to talk about.

Ladies serving others. With. The weight of world history behind that. Are you serious? You see this is. Narrow minded.

The one I fear the most. Is the person who says. I'm crushed by this. Not a one of those things am I doing. None of this is present. I am an utter failure.

And what I want to say. Is that all four of those responses. Miss the point. They miss the point. I've got good news. Verse 30.

Charm is deceitful. And beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord. Is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands. And let her works praise her.

In the gates. A woman who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised. This. Is the woman of wisdom.

Ladies. It says that charm. Is deceitful. Living your life. And doing things. For the sole motivation.

Of gaining the approval of others. Or so that they might. Like you. Or see you as good. And valuable. Is deceitful.

It's a lie. You will never be able to do enough. Or say enough. To actually feel. Accepted. And approved of.

If you look at life that way. Beauty is vain. We are all getting older. We are. It's all. It's falling.

I had to get a. A steroid shot. In my shoulder. This week. We are. We are getting older.

It is. Fleeting. It is. Vanity. But what this passage.

Ends with. Is the pinnacle. A woman. Who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised.

That's the woman of wisdom. That's what. Everything else. Hinges on. Is that. Truth.

A woman who fears. The Lord. Is to be praised. You know. We talked about. The different ways.

You can read this passage. A mom blog. Versus. Versus. An adventure story. Here's.

Here's the good news. Jesus comes. As the fulfillment. Of the adventure story. He actually comes. And is that sacrificial.

He comes. And is that loving. He comes. And is that generous. He goes hard. He goes.

Hard. All the way to the cross. So that he might die. For every area. That you fall short. Ladies.

Turn your eyes. To Jesus. Turn your eyes. And fix your eyes. On Jesus. Jesus himself.

Said beautiful things like. Seek first. The kingdom of God. And his righteousness. And all these things. Will be added to you.

Ladies. Seek him first. Above all else. And then let him go to work. On your heart. And on your soul.

Jesus says. Come to me. Come to me. All you. Who are weary. And heavy laden.

And I will give you rest. Ladies. Are some of you tired? Lord. He gives rest. He gives rest.

The good news of the gospel. For you ladies. And for all of us. Is that we run. To Jesus. The Proverbs say this.

Over and over and over again. The woman. The man. The person who fears the Lord. Is the wise person. We make Jesus.

The sole focus. Of our lives. And then he takes care of the rest. So that when we do good. When we work hard. And when we accomplish these things.

It's to his praise. And when we. Struggle. And we. Repent. And we ask for his forgiveness.

It's to his praise. So the band's going to come back up. And we're going to respond. In a second. By standing and singing. But I just want to return.

To those. Four different perspectives. That might be here in the room. For the lady. Who maybe looks at this. And says.

I'm crushing this. You know. I. I'm at least doing better. Than all the other women. Around me.

I would say. Don't go that way. If you function. As your own savior. Who picks you up. When you fall.

Look. Look to a better savior. For the woman. Who says. I'm not. I'm not doing this.

If I just do a little bit better. And if I just. Try a little bit harder. I. Absolutely.

Sister. Strive. And work hard. Grace. Is not. Opposed.

To effort. But it. Is opposed. To earning. Look to Jesus. For the one who says.

Who cares. You know. This is. Backwoods. It's oppressive. See.

The son. Of God. Become a human. The son of man. Came to serve. Not to be served.

And to give his life. As a ransom. For many. And see. The joy. It's not always easy.

But it's better. And for the person. Who says. I am. Crushed. By this.

I have failed. I have fallen. Short. Know that he was. Crushed. For you.

Let's pray. God. I pray. That we would see. The wisdom. In fear of you.

Reverence of you. All of you. Would be the key. To wisdom. In our lives. And that is.

Perfectly displayed. In Jesus. Who. Who embodied all of this. And gave himself for us. So that we might.

Be forgiven. And might have life. And might. Chase after you. So Lord.

Help us to remember. Just how far. You are willing to go. So that we might have joy. And salvation. In you.

In Jesus name. Amen.

Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice?

Our culture puts an immense amount of pressure on women. So many women are crushed by the weight of having a perfect body, perfect kids, and perfect relationships. But is that really what it means to be a woman? What if femininity has nothing to do with wearing a dress?

Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice?

Chet Phillips

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Transcript

Well, good morning. We are in the fourth week of our series, The Theology of Sex, where we're just taking some time to look at what the Bible has to say about gender, sexuality, romance, marriage, masculinity, femininity. A lot of times, we love the Bible. I have a problem. I start multiple sentences and that wasn't going to work out well together. A lot of times, because we love the Bible, we just study straight through a book of the Bible.

We'll just open it up. We'll go straight through. We spent a good bit of time this past year in 1 Peter. Some people might say a little too much time, but we walked verse by verse through 1 Peter. Really, we like the Bible. We study the Bible.

We believe that it's Scripture that helps us grow, that changes us, that Jesus works through that, through the Holy Spirit, to move us and to change us. But we also like to take time to say, okay, we're confused about this or we're having a hard time with this in our culture. And then we, instead of just studying straight through a book, we'll actually just kind of go to the Bible and say, what does the Bible have to say about these topics? And try to dig in that way. And that's kind of what we're doing right now. We're just spending some time talking about the theology of sex.

So last week, we talked about masculinity. We talked about what it meant to be a man, what biblical manhood was. And this week, we're going to talk about femininity, what it means to be a woman, what biblical womanhood is. And in general, in our culture, we're a little bit more positive towards women right now in our culture. We, in general, celebrate women. We want to promote women.

And there's really good examples of women in the workplace. And just in our culture, we're trying to look for ways to promote, to highlight. We kind of agree as a culture that women are great, even when maybe culturally the jury's still out on men. We're kind of on board with the idea that women are good, like we're pro-woman. And that hasn't always been the case throughout history. And that really is kind of a small window right now where we're saying, no, we need to, women are wonderful.

Let's promote them. Let's highlight them. But just because the climate is different for men and women, I actually don't think it makes it easier to be a woman. I don't really know, but I don't think it does. Just because there's so much now where it's the cause for, you need to be free from a man. You need to be, this is where joy comes from.

This is where freedom comes from. And then you'll also have the, no, if you just find the right man, then you'll be complete, then you'll be fulfilled. Or freedom comes from a career, or you have these mommy blogs that are like, you need to raise your own chickens and grow your own kale so that your kid doesn't turn into some weird high fructose corn syrup blob of a monster. Like all of this pressure to be all of these things. And it just seems in general like it makes being a woman more difficult kind of in our culture. And we really need to have a good handle on what is femininity?

What is the essence of womanhood? Because it just seems like we've got kind of a cluttered message out there right now. When my wife and I sit down and watch TV in the evenings, mostly, I look pretty good. Like as long as I'm not like an overgrown boy, I kind of know my kid's name and talk to my wife and have a job. And in general, I'm not an idiot. I'm beating most of the people we watch on TV.

Like most of the characters in shows, I look pretty good. But my wife, there's a lot of like really good examples of women in these shows that just have everything together. They've got their jobs working out perfectly. They're the one that tends to the house. Whenever the kids have problems, they fix it. And it just seems like there's a lot of pressure on females to kind of be everything at this point.

And so we really want to just kind of get some handles on biblically. What is the essence of femininity? What does it mean to be feminine, to kind of stretch into and press into womanhood? And so a few kind of disclaimers as we get started. One, I am aware that I am a man and therefore not a woman. But like always, we're going to try to open the Bible and say, here's we're going to let Scripture teach us, God instruct us and try to to learn as best we can from the text and not from personal opinion or personal experience, which I have very little of.

So single ladies in the room, like last week, femininity is not based off of role. So you don't have to be a wife. You don't have to be a mother. It doesn't wait for those things. That's not the completion of womanhood throughout Scripture. Let me just say this to help the ladies in the room that that read the Bible on a regular basis, that you study the Bible on a regular basis.

You read the Bible on a regular basis and you just kind of like, I don't see a lot of single women in Scripture. You are correct. There aren't a lot of single women in Scripture. Reason being is two primary reasons. One is in the Old Testament, we're mostly following the story of a family. So God's working through a race, through a people.

And so most of the major characters are going to be people who line up in that family. And so we're going to follow a lot of wives and mothers when you when they enter into the story because it's a people group. God was working through a family leading up to the lineage of Jesus. That's why the New Testament is going to start off with lineages. And most of the women that were highlighted in the Old Testament line up in those lineages. The other thing is just culturally.

There wasn't a lot of room for females to go get jobs, to just enter the marketplace. Just culturally, it didn't work that way. Most people were farmers. Most females were married off at a very young age. And so just because Scripture gives a lot of examples of wives and mothers, it does not mean that it's wrong to be single. Well, actually, in the New Testament, Paul's going to say it's great to be single.

You do really well to be single actually affirms singleness and says that's a beautiful, wonderful way to live and to reflect the image of God. And that's that's good and wonderful. And people don't have to get married. So even as we study Scripture and as you study Scripture and you see a lot of mothers and wives, they're going to live out their femininity in the role they were given. And you're going to get to do the same in the roles that you have. So femininity isn't based off of role.

It's actually just going to express itself through the roles that you're given. And so don't have to be married. Don't have to be a mother. Femininity is much deeper than that. So as we go in, just remember that men in the room, I'm going to intentionally, overtly, maybe even at times a little bit aggressively go after some of the moronic stereotypes that we have of women.

And your role will be to repent of the ones that you have believed and anywhere that you have helped propagate those. And then actively in the future to tell people to shut up and to help them not continue. So that's that's what you get to do. Also, it's about a thousand times easier for females to to express and to step into their femininity when men express and step into their masculinity. For the most part, when men abdicate their role, women step in and begin to cultivate and provide and protect like we talked about last week. And it becomes dang near impossible for them to do both for them to pick up your slack and do what they're supposed to.

So one of the best ways that we love the ladies in the room is by actually being men. And so if you didn't hear the sermon last week, I would encourage you to listen to it and then seek to grow with us as we try to be men. Guys in the room, if you're single and feel called to get married and are looking to date, this is what you're looking for in a female. And this is if you're married, what you're encouraging and celebrating in your wife. OK, one more one more quick caveat. I am I want I want us to remember that what we're talking about, we're saying specifically this is essence of femininity.

This is something that is core to femininity. This is maybe an issue that maybe ladies struggle with more. When we say those things, we don't mean men can't do these things or if a man does them, he's wrong in the same way. We didn't mean that last week. So if you're like, wait a second, I'm not supposed to protect.

I'm not supposed to provide just because I'm a woman. It's like, no, we're not saying that. We're just saying that's essential to masculinity. So it's like I looked at my wife one time. We're about to leave and go somewhere. I said, I said, you look, I really like that shirt.

She looked at me and she went, you don't like my other shirts. And I was like, why would you take it that way? Why would that? Why would one compliment to a shirt immediately be like me attacking all of your other clothes? That's not what I. So if we say something in a positive way, this is for femininity.

Don't immediately turn it around and apply it to everything else because we're not trying to say that. So don't be like my wife, I guess, is the way that's supposed to work. So I didn't mean it quite that way. I'm going to pray because, Lord, I need help. And we're going to hop in and try to avoid more ditches. God, we thank you that you're good.

We thank you that you're gracious to us. And we pray, Lord, that in this that we would study your word and that we would grow in our understanding of what femininity is, how you designed humanity, both male and female, on purpose and with a good design that brings joy and human flourishing. We pray for the ladies in the room that they would press into you as they learn to press into and flex and grow in their God-given design. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. All right, we're going to be in Genesis chapter 1 and chapter 2, and then we'll move around a little bit.

But we'll start there this morning. Genesis chapter 1 is on page 1 in this Bible. If you don't own a Bible, this is our gift to you. Take it with you. Genesis chapter 1, starting in verse 26, 27, and 28. We're going to read that real quick together.

We've read this about every week through this series because it's essential to us understanding gender and sexuality. Then God said, Let us make man in our image after our likeness, and let them, such humanity, have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. And God blessed them and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

So God in creation makes male and female in his image and likeness. That both masculinity and femininity are designed to reflect God to the world. That both are. So it has been wrongly taught and wrongly taught from this passage, from a poor reading of the text, that this is only that men are made in God's image and females are not. It has been wrongly taught that women are innately inferior to men, and that is garbage. It's not true.

It clearly says that male and female were made in the image of God, and that that was God's good design from the very beginning. That there are ways that masculinity images God and ways that femininity images God. I'm going to try to say womanhood from now on, because that's going to get harder and harder as the day goes on. Womanhood images God that masculinity can't. So God intentionally designed manhood and womanhood differently on purpose.

So there have been the wrong ideas of women are inferior to men. They need to be barefoot in the kitchen. They need to know their role. They need to know their place. And that that is completely backwards, incorrect and is a as a heinous, aggressive stare down in the face of God's good design to make women in his image. And we completely reject that.

And out of that has arisen, actually, a rightly began the movement of feminism, looked at that and rejected that idea correctly, correctly rejected that idea. But then went the opposite direction with it. So that feminism says women and men are the same. If not, women are better than men. They can do everything a man can do. They're designed to operate the same way men are designed.

And they can do all the same things. They're designed the same way and are even better and superior in a lot of ways. And it's like, no, actually, God, when he designed humanity, made them distinct on purpose. That it's more than a biological distinction over how babies are made. That he actually intentionally created a gulf and made masculinity a certain way and femininity a certain way, far beyond biology, that was designed to be lived out in a way that together imaged him. That they were not complete without him.

So that masculinity and femininity are designed to complement one another, to shore up each other's weaknesses, to make each other's strengths stronger. One of the ways that this shows up, he gives them the, he says, God blessed them and said, be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. So the call to human flourishing is given to humanity in general, to males and females together, to work together, to subdue the earth. And it would not happen outside of both being there. Outside of masculinity and femininity playing out on a global scale, you wouldn't have human flourishing. One of the coolest examples of this, that's kind of in our own country, and I heard somebody talking about it recently and it reminded me of a Ken Burns documentary.

I don't know if you all know about Ken Burns, but that man can document stuff. And he does a lot of like PBS documentaries and stuff. And I watched one of the Old Wests. And when the West got started, when U.S. citizens started moving out that way, it was mostly just men. Men went, they were hunting, they were kind of trapping, getting furs, they were chasing after gold, they were chasing after land, they were being chased after by people. But they all just kind of moved out that way, and it was just men.

And there were a lot of like shanty towns and tents, and it was pretty terrible. But it was mostly just men that moved out there. It wasn't until the second wave when a large proportion of females went with them. And then suddenly, towns, laws, streets, like systems of government. Men by themselves could only take it so far. They were like, I'm here, there's a tent.

I use the bathroom over there. Got it. Like it was for some reason, masculinity only had half the picture. Like it could only handle so much. And then it wasn't until masculinity and femininity worked together that we began to see flourishing, began to see sustainable forms of life and growth. And honestly, that's kind of the picture we see at the very beginning of Scripture, where God makes male and female on purpose and says, this is how the world is going to flourish, is if you work together distinctly complementing one another.

So let's hop in. Let's look at some three essential ways that women image God to the world. And we're going to start in Genesis chapter 2. We're going to look at 15 and 18 to begin to see this. So Genesis chapter 2, that's one page over.

Oh, I jumped away too many pages. 15. The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it. That's what we talked about last week. So God takes the man and puts him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

And then he says something really kind of surprising in the text in verse 18. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. If you've been reading through Genesis 1 and into Genesis 2, every time it would say God said something, he did something, and he saw that it was good. And then God said something, he saw it, and it was good. And God said something, he saw it, and it was good.

This is the first time that God does something and then goes, that's not good. And it's not a slight on Adam. It's just that masculinity alone is incomplete. Manhood alone is incomplete. And so when God designs femininity, he intentionally designs it different. He did not make one generic human person.

It wasn't like, oh, he just needs a team. No, he specifically intentionally made femininity different from masculinity. Womanhood different from manhood in order to work together on it. And so it says that I will make a helper fit for him. So the first kind of essential thing we see, we're going to look at that word helper.

And so immediately you're going, really? Helper? That's what we're starting off with? Yes, helper is what we're starting off with. It's from the word azer in the text. And it's really kind of two words stuck together.

It's the word strength and rescue kind of smooshed together. So the idea of helper in the text is not the idea that we have where we'll say stuff like, oh, you're going to be my little helper today. It's not at all what we're talking about. It's kind of the same as I was at the zoo the other day and was looking at a tiger and the little things like, tiger is a part of the cat family. And it's like, yeah, but they're a lot different from cats though, right? And so when we say the word helper, we kind of hear cat.

And it's like, sure, technically, but think more tiger. So when it says strong rescuer, that word helper is used 21 times in the Old Testament. 17 times it's referring to God. It's always referring to this moment of like a last ditch. Everything was going to be terrible until help came, until rescue came. The Septuagint, which is the Greek version of the Old Testament, actually translates that word auxiliary, which would be a backup reinforcement unit in the military.

So when it says that God looked at Adam and said he needs a helper, he doesn't mean little sidekick teammate. He means he needs a strong, empowering rescuer in some ways. That if you were reading the text in the original Hebrew, you'd be going, okay, this isn't looking good. This isn't looking good. Ah, reinforcements. We're not going to lose this battle.

This is actually going to work out. And so when it comes to biblical essence of femininity, one of the things woven into the heart and soul of womanhood is this, to be a helper, to be an ezer, which is, think about the idea of foreign aid. When a country comes to another nation, they're torn apart by war and famine and poverty, and they approach a bigger, stronger nation and say, hey, we need your help. We need you to step in and lend us your strength. That's the concept here. That's the picture we're given of biblical femininity, which means this.

Your strength exists for the benefit of others. Biblical femininity is that you were given strength on purpose for the benefit of others. That you're designed to notice weakness. That you're designed to notice pain. That you're designed to see those who need help and step in and empower them and equip them and help them. To step in where there's brokenness and bring healing and joy and life.

That's the idea here. It's like a mother that, over time, pours out her life for a child that is going to take life out of her and take life out of her and take life out of her. And less and less and less over time until the child is a full-grown, capable adult. That's the idea. That you would come around everyone around you. And it doesn't have anything to do with role.

It doesn't have anything to do with where you find yourself. You're going to do this with your roommates. You're going to do this with your community group. You're going to do this with your husband, with your children. You're going to look and see weakness. You're designed to see weakness and pain and step in and realize that your strength exists to be on loan for others.

That your energy exists to be on loan for others. That your joy exists to be on loan for others. To empower them and equip them. So there's currently kind of a conversation going on where there's this movement for if anybody around you drains you. If anybody around you is needy, you just need to get rid of that person. You just need to get them out of your life.

They're just a leech. They're just sucking the life out of you. You need to get rid of them. That's actually very unhelpful. Because part of the design of femininity is to pour out your life and your energy for the behalf of others. To lend your strength for others to grow strong and to be healthy.

And so one of the ways that this can... It is designed for other people to grow, to be empowered and to be equipped and to be sent out. It's not designed to be codependency. To where you only feel valuable if you're needed. So there have been, and even like in situations where a husband is on drugs and having issues with drugs.

Where a wife will actually come along at some point when he's doing better and help him relapse. Because she only understands her role as being needed. And if he's not on drugs, she doesn't understand how she has value anymore. It's not that idea at all. It's not the idea that you have to be needed at all times. It's just that you notice, step in, equip, empower and send out.

We sometimes use the term woman's intuition. So like my wife and I will go hang out with people and when we'll leave, she'll go... So, what was up with Gary? What? What was going on with him? Nothing?

There was definitely something going on with him. No, there wasn't. Y'all didn't talk about it? Talk about what? The thing that was going on. There wasn't a thing going on.

Like, we have these conversations all the time. She's like, what was wrong with them? Or I'll go hang out with someone that I already know there's a thing going on. And when I come back, she'll go, so what did y'all talk about? I'll be like, nothing. What about that problem they're having?

Oh, yeah. Nope. Didn't come up. How did it not come up? He didn't bring it up. I didn't.

I didn't. I didn't bring it up. What am I going to say? How's that pain going? Like, I'm not. But there's just something in femininity in her for her to notice that, to be drawn to that, and to step in, to help, to equip, to fix.

And honestly, there's a little bit of, okay, but what about my strength existing for me? What about what I'm equipped with existing for me? But the truth is, this is a very biblical concept to its core for humanity, not just femininity. That Jesus is going to say, deny yourself. He's going to say, pick up your cross, follow me. He's going to say that if you seek your own life, you'll lose it.

But if you lose your life for my sake, you'll gain it. He's going to say that he didn't come to be served, but to serve and to give his life on behalf of others. And there's actually something very godly in a way that you image God by using your strength for the benefit of others. That it's written into your soul. You're designed to do it. To see weakness, to step in, to equip, and to help.

The second one that we're going to see, we're going to jump to 320. We're just kind of following along this story, looking at Eve and realizing that a lot of this is talking specifically about her, but we're just trying to see as a type, as the first woman, as the first essence of femininity, representative of all femininity on earth. How does this play out? What is she called to? And how does this continue? So verse 20 says, the man called his wife's name Eve because she was the mother of all living.

Okay, this is actually really interesting where this shows up. It says he called his wife's name Eve. Eve means life because she was the mother of all living. This is prior to her having any children. So a lot of times, in a lot of cultures, not our culture, people are named names, given names based off of their characteristics, based off of their role, based off of who they are.

So in the Bible, there's a guy named Barnabas, which just means he's an encourager. They gave him that name because he was already encouraging. They weren't just like, hey, you seem like in the future you might encourage people. I'm going to start calling you Barnabas. It's like, hey, weirdo, don't change my name. It's like, but he was very encouraging.

So they just like, that became his nickname. That's what they called him. They changed his name to that. A lot of cultures still do this. My cousins, my parents, my grandparents were missionaries in Nigeria. I've got some first generation African-American cousins from Nigeria.

And one of my cousins married a guy named John. And it's really funny when I get to introduce them to people because I get to say, this is my cousin John. This is my cousin Iannu. Sorry, I messed it up. This is my cousin Iannu and her husband John. And John is aggressively white like I am.

He's got a big head. He's got kind of reddish beard like I do. And so immediately when I say, this is my cousin Iannu and her husband John, people like twitch because it's like, wait, I think he said that wrong. Because this is your cousin, the big white guy that looks like you. And so it's always fun. But this past Christmas, they sent from Nigeria, from their family, sent over clothes for all of them and had written their names in the clothes that they sent.

So they were going to have traditional Nigerian clothes and they've written their names in it. And John saw his and it said, John Oyinbo. And he looked at my uncle, my uncle Abel and goes, oh, Oyinbo, is that like my Nigerian name? And my uncle started laughing so hard he couldn't talk. Like he was like wheezing, couldn't get words out. Finally, when he caught his breath, he said, it means John white guy.

They also call you Okalawan, which is different person. But there's this idea in a lot of cultures that you get a name that goes with who you are. You get a name that kind of defines your. And so when he names her Eve, when he names her life and says she's the mother of life prior to her having children, there's actually this picture of not just she's going to be the mother of everyone, not just she is the mother of all life later, but also just this design in her, in femininity to bring life, to give life, to be a refuge is kind of the second idea we're going to look at this morning. So it's one of the ways that helped me understand this idea was I was reading a book by C.S.

Lewis and he was talking about his relationship with his father and his relationship with his mother. And when he was really young, his mother passed away. And after she passed away, he wrote this in this book. He said, with my mother's death, all settled happiness, all that was tranquil and reliable disappeared from my life. There was to be much fun, many pleasures, many stabs at joy, but no more of the old security. It was sea and islands.

Now, the great continent had sunk like Atlantis. There's just this idea that without his mother, there there wasn't the same amount of of a refuge. His home wasn't home anymore. It was certainly a place to go to when he was out of school, certainly a place to be. But he never would feel quite like he was just free, just at home.

It's kind of the idea of if last week we said manhood is like being four walls and a roof, then femininity is a fireplace. It's everything that makes life livable. It's it's it's and it's not your ability to Martha Stewart, your house or to Pinterest, the fool out of everything. It has nothing to do with that. It doesn't have anything to do with your craftiness and whether or not your house has anything on the wall at all. It doesn't have have anything to do with you own a home.

It all it is is that home is where you are. Family is where you are. And we've all known people like this that just set us free to be ourselves. You know, you have certain friends and maybe your family that when you get around them, you're just more you than you are anywhere else. You're just a little less guarded, a little more free. I'm like this with my brothers.

They already know everything about me. So it's just and they have to be my brother forever. Like I just if I took them off, it's like, see you later. You're still my brother. See you at Christmas. How do you like them apples?

Like there's no no getting rid of me. And then there are certain people you get around and they just do the same thing. Certain ladies you get around and they just completely make you feel at home, make you feel welcome, make you feel free. And that's the idea of that she almost the infemininity written into the soul of femininity is the idea that you're actually a little bit of a mother to everybody. And I mean that in the most beautiful way, like the idea that everybody becomes part of your family. Everybody is fully welcome and free around you.

I can remember when I was in high school, my mom, any any story I had to tell, she was interested in just because I was telling the story. Like all that mattered was I was one of the characters in the story and she was happy, just like if I thought it was interesting. So I didn't the threshold for what she wanted to hear when I came home from school was very, very low. So on the way home, I'd be like, all right, let me think of something I can tell my mom. And I come up with some story that was just really not even a story. It didn't have any plot twists.

It didn't even really have any kind of where it was going. It was just like a thing. And in the middle of these stories a lot, my dad would walk into the room and he'd go, what? And I'd go, no, nothing. And he'd go, no, what? What are y'all talking about?

Because my mom would be laughing. She would actually make this story that wasn't a story like sound good. She'd laugh. She'd ask questions. She'd be like, what was his name? How did that happen?

Oh, my goodness. A Pepsi Cola. Like she just would make it like it didn't have to have any point. And somebody would go, what? What? No, y'all are talking.

What is it? And I'd go, this guy at school, he didn't have his homework. Before the teacher was going to take it up, he freaked out. And my dad would go, that's a stupid story. And walk off. And this happened on a regular basis.

And he never learned that the story wasn't going to be good. I like, he has a threshold for what makes a good story. I know that. I don't tell these stories to him. But there was something about my mom that just made it free.

Made me get to be me in a way that nobody else does. And there's something in femininity that allows you to just lower everybody's guard. That you're designed to make people feel comfortable and welcome and free. And it doesn't have anything to do with personality type. My wife's very quiet, very reserved. Three of her best friends were, it was a girl her age, a girl that was her sister, four or five years older, and their mom.

And that group of, that family, those three ladies, they believe if they have a thought, they had it for them to share with you. If they have an opinion, it was designed for them to say it out loud. They are very flamboyant, loud, happy, loud people. And they absolutely are themselves and they make you feel like yourself when you're around them. It doesn't have anything to do with personality type. It has to do with the ability to, you're not being judged.

You're not being graded. You're not having to live up to a standard. Ladies, if you're consistently having to compare yourself to other people and having to jockey for position and posture yourself to look good, you destroy your ability to do this. Because people aren't free around you because you need them to build you up. But when you're free in Christ to just be open to everybody, to just be welcoming to everybody, you get to kind of step into this role where home is where you are.

Family is where you are and your circle of concern just extends to everybody around you. My grandmother is like this. She hasn't met a person that she hasn't just adopted into her family for however long she's known them. Whether that's they sat near each other on a plane or she knew them for a couple of years before she moved or they moved. Everyone around her, she extends her circle of concern and they are just welcome with her. They're a part of her family the same that everyone else is.

And there's just something distinct in femininity that allows that to happen, that allows you to welcome and to be a refuge to everyone around you. And it doesn't have anything to do with personality type, with role. It actually is just something that's designed in the nature of womanhood. The third one is kind of interesting. So we're going to jump back into the narrative here in Genesis chapter 223.

We're going to look at the narrative and then we're going to go to 1 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. So God had put Adam on earth.

2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. 2 Peter to try to understand this one a little bit better. So God had put Adam on earth. He had had him name all the animals. So he brought animal after animal after animal by named all the animals and said there was no suitable empowering strength, no suitable auxiliary for him, no suitable helper. and so then he makes Eve and he brings him to Eve and then it says the man said this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called a woman because she was taken out of man so when Adam sees Eve we get the first poetry in history it's either poetry or song it's not great I know you read it and you're like Adam bro step up your game man like this isn't I don't even like it doesn't rhyme hopefully it rhymed in Hebrew this isn't really great but what he what he does it's a little bit of this moment where his his heart finds resonance with her he he feels like finally he actually starts off with at last it's like that song at last like he just he sees her and it's just like and and there's this idea in creation and in God God is beautiful he's designed to be captivating to be delighted in there's over and over in the Psalms where David and other psalmists are writing and saying I just want to look at you I just want to stare at you I just want to be caught up in you and God specifically designed creation to be beautiful and there's something about femininity that has some of that impressed in it and it is not physical beauty or at least not only physical beauty so let's jump to first Peter before this gets really confusing and we take this in the wrong direction first Peter three says this is first Peter uh some of y'all familiar with this we spent the time studying this last year uh do not let your adorning be external okay uh some versions are going to translate that do not let your adorning be

External only and the word adorning there is cosmos which really means world so we use the the world the same way that sometimes we will say uh his whole world is sports uh that family that like her kids or her whole world so what he's saying is don't let your whole everything around you your whole existence be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's side is very precious God specifically in creation made things beautiful made them to have a a weight and a gravity to be delighted in and gazed upon and there's something specific to femininity that evokes that that God has impressed his own way that that women image the image God is through a captivating personhood through a soul-stirring beauty and our culture has twisted this and marred this and bulldozed this into some nonsense we have absolutely turned it into a physical only sham of what God designed it to be we we are we have held up as a standard airbrushed supermodels that don't even look like that like they've had so much photoshopping and airbrushing they don't even look like the standard that they're propagating we're holding up a unicorn culturally and saying that this is what beauty is and peter's saying no no don't let your adorning only be that there's something in femininity that is for beautifying beautifying the world beautifying yourself making things beautiful but don't let it be can you go back to first peter don't let it be external only let it be the hidden person of the heart let it be depth of soul that leads to beauty honestly as these first two things come together there can be an imperishable beauty that doesn't age that continues forever doesn't grow old doesn't need to have doctors step in later and fix things that there's a genuine depth of personhood that makes beauty that makes uh females a delight womanhood a delight to be gazed at there's some of you ladies realize this early and it starts early it's really interesting I was talking with josh pabone yesterday he's got four children he has two boys

And two girls his boys say this hey dad look at this hey dad look at this and they're like look at this and they're like hit their brother with a stick like look at this kick I can do look at this thing I set on fire look at this lizard I caught look look at me do this but it's always this look at this and his daughters he's got two daughters and they say dad look at me look at me look at me if they're even if they're doing an activity the thing is look at me do this activity the goal isn't to look at the activity is to look at me they'll get dressed up aren't I beautiful look at me they have this desire to be delighted in for themselves it's it's innate it's woven in and we have distorted it twisted it and marred it and traded it in for some nonsense we we sold out genuine soul-stirring depth of personhood we sold out genuine beauty for a cheap marred hollow expression of it we sold out soul level delight for a momentary lust heart stopping resonance for a heart racing momentary nonsense it's like we traded in a carnival roller coaster for a lifelong adventure it's not worth the exchange that you were designed to be beautiful to be captivating to be gazed upon to be delighted in but not just not a not just a physical thing but actually to have depth of personhood that is welcomed and loved and delighted in and and honestly out of this uh grows this desire so when he's talking about let your your world not only be external it grows this desire to build a veneer to to paint everything up as if it is perfect to paint up your whole life as if you have everything together and honestly perfection when it comes to a pursuit of perfection that's kind of just a a feminine thing ladies pursue perfection in a way that men do not that was there's a there's an article in the land at the atlantic recently that was talking about this it's talking about closing the confidence gap was the name of the article and they're basically writing saying that overqualified women still don't apply for jobs that they're overqualified for because they're not sure if they're quite qualified enough and that underqualified men apply in mass like have empirically the data shows this would be terrible you're going to break this in half and sink it and they're like I deserve a shot let me have at it I think I could do a good

Job like and it just it's it's baffling they said that um that women don't uh turn in reports until they've edited them ad nauseum that they've they just feel this weight of perfection that men just it just doesn't show up on their radar there was a they did a study at cornell in a in an engineering course where uh it was kind of a course where people would flunk out in the course is one of those courses that just you got kind of to the middle and it just created space in the school and they were doing a study on the the males in the class and the females in the class and whenever it got hard almost a hundred percent of the males uh reacted externally and this class is hard this professor's tough these tests just got ridiculous and almost a hundred percent of the females reacted internally I knew I wasn't smart enough to handle this I knew I wasn't I knew I knew I couldn't cut it there's this weight of perfection this weight of trying to build this everything's all right around me it seems to to specifically land on on feminine shoulders that's why uh barbie dolls we just now we have female shaped barbie dolls now so like we should celebrate like they're actually they've just come out with these uh but they made barbie dolls and there was this this is a standard of beauty that no one can live up to this is there's no way we can ever exist here there's no way this is crushing and then you can take like a he-man action figure and take the like most slouchy overweight guy and he'll be like I can kind of see me in that it's a little bit like me right here because there's just there's that weight it's just sitting there and there's this this push to be the the perfect mom the perfect daughter the the perfect employer the imperfect employee the perfect everything and and can I just help you out it's not going to happen it doesn't exist you're not you're not going to be perfect you're not you're not going to have it all together the ladies in in the u.s are three times more likely to attempt to commit suicide

91 Percent of women in the u.s say they're dissatisfied with their bodies uh... and and women are 10 to 19 times more likely to suffer from an eating disorder they did they did a study on uh... college students and they found that over half of the the females that were in whatever the the uh... correct weight range for their uh... body type or whatever were on diets even though they didn't really need to be adjusted like that for health reasons that need to be adjusting their diets like it was it's just crazy the amount of pressure and weight that gets put on and um... there's a there's a director over at midtown she's she helps head up their kid city area and she said that one of the things she feels this weight of um... proving that she's lovely so that she'll know that she's lovable she says she's felt that her whole life that if she could just prove that she's lovely then she'd know that she was lovable and the reason we're talking about this is that there is something in the design of femininity to be enjoyed to be captivating

But it's not it's not to be found in just a physical expression or just building these veneers around you to prove that you're okay let's go to Ephesians 5 this is a section that paul ends by saying that the true meaning of marriage is the way Jesus loves the church that the whole point behind marriage that we have now is to actually show us how Jesus loves the church and so he says this husbands love your wives just as christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her this is the church this is his bride this is his people this is all those who place faith in Jesus he might sanctify her which means set apart having cleansed her by washing of the water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory

Having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless ladies you were designed for perfection you were designed to fully live out what it meant to have your strength benefit others you were designed to fully be so comfortable and free in yourself that everyone was welcome around you everyone was free to be themselves around you and you were designed to be captivating to be loved to be delighted in and sin has wrecked that ever since eve in the garden first believed the lie that God was holding out on her that he had hidden from her what it meant to truly be made in his image ladies have believed that ever since

And Jesus stepped in in the midst of our brokenness in the midst of our sin and he went to the cross on our behalf and he has made you blameless and perfect and holy and spotless without wrinkle or blemish or any such thing it says that Jesus loved the church gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory having no spot

Or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless he actually saved the church just to present her to himself just to delight in the church in his bride that he's rescued and redeemed and only through resting in Jesus only through finding this to be true so deep and so soul level will you ever be free to know that your strength is on loan like Jesus's strength was on loan where Jesus stepped in and used his strength on behalf of others you get to step in

And realize that you've been gifted and equipped and strengthened for the benefit of those around you and you'll get to see that because Jesus has welcomed you into his home and made you into his family that you get to welcome everybody into your home make them into your family that you get to make home and family everywhere that you are for every person you're around and that you were designed to be delighted in and that through Jesus you are

You're perfectly spotless and blameless and free to be delighted in and welcomed and loved and ladies you're not perfect you're broken you're weak you're busted and that's okay because Jesus didn't leave you there he didn't leave you on your own to fix it on your own to make it all painted up and pretty and look good so that you could display it to the world but he actually stepped in and fixed

Every wrinkle spot and blemish on his own washed you through his own blood and made you his that he might delight in you you already have perfection you already have freedom you already have love and delight and joy through Jesus and only as you step into christ and only as you trust in the cross and only as you know that this is already true for you can you actually begin to be all that femininity

Was designed to be the band's gonna come back up we're gonna sing and praise Jesus and we're gonna together as a church family seek to step into masculinity and step into femininity in a way that doesn't have anything to do with stereotypes doesn't have anything to do with role doesn't have anything to do with personality types but has everything

To do with our desire to image God to the world to encourage one another to see flourishing happen and to begin to use everything we've been equipped with and gift with for the good of others for God's glory for our joy as we get to follow after him and if you haven't trusted fully in what the cross has provided for you you haven't fully seen

Jesus hanging on the cross to rescue to redeem to fix you to take away every spot and blemish and wrinkle every bit of imperfection that he might delight in you he might lift you up and it says the church in all her glory that Jesus makes the church beautiful and then delights in her

I'd encourage you to trust in Jesus today for your satisfaction your joy and ultimately your freedom God we praise you we ask Lord that you would bless the ladies in our church family that they would in the roles they're given in the time they have with their roommates in the time they have with their

Spouses with their children with their employees with their employers to give them the opportunity to use their strength to sacrifice on behalf of others to welcome everyone to make freedom and joy exist where they are and God I pray that you would

Help them to see that beauty is far beyond surface level things and that you through the cross delight in them you have cleaned them perfected them to present to yourself and all their glory is you have saved them through the cross I pray God that we would continue to grow in what it means to be men

And to be women as we follow after you in Jesus name amen